Modern Love

One thing that comforted Denise Ryan after her divorce was that she and her ex-husband still talked every day. Even though they lived apart, they were still co-parenting their son, Alexander, and they were constantly jumping on the phone to tell each other what he was up to at their respective homes. The daily calls stopped, though, when Denise’s ex fell in love and started building a new family. Now Alexander had a second mother figure in his life, and he was adjusting remarkably well. Alexander seemed to enjoy the time he spent with his stepmom, and soon he became a big brother to her new baby. Denise sincerely wanted the best for her son and her ex, but it didn’t feel great to be on the outside peering in at their new life. Then, Denise got an unexpected call for help, giving her a chance to rethink the role she was playing. She realized that the end of a marriage didn’t have to mean the end of a family. The Modern Love essay that inspired this conversation is called “Please Love My Son as I Do.” https://www.nytimes.com/2026/08/21/style/modern-love-please-love-my-son-as-i-do.html Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay: https://www.nytimes.com/article/how-to-submit-a-modern-love-essay.html Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/19/style/modern-love-tiny-love-stories.html

For most of her life, Kelly McWilliams has felt as though people aren’t seeing her clearly. Kelly is biracial, and she was raised to be proud of her identity: she grew up surrounded by African American culture and literature. But when she walks into a room, a lot of people perceive her as a white woman. And when she does tell people she’s Black, the situation can get uncomfortable, even scary, very fast. On this episode of “Modern Love,” McWilliams tells the host, Anna Martin, about the ways her mixed-race identity has affected her relationships and her work. Kelly’s new book, “American Nightmare,” is about a Black man who passes for white and ends up working as a spy for the N.A.A.C.P. The idea of being a spy, of entering spaces and situations without anyone knowing your true identity, is very personal for Kelly. But, she says, after years of being mistaken for someone she’s not, she has learned to be loud about who she really is.

Joe Swanberg married the first person he ever seriously dated. When that marriage ended, his romantic life got complicated. Messy, even. He started dating younger women, ended up in an elaborate love triangle, and completely changed his mind about whether he wanted to marry and have children again. He openly describes it as a cliché midlife crisis. Swanberg is no stranger to messy relationships. Throughout his career making television and films, his work has focused on the gray areas of relationships and their difficult-to-navigate emotional territory. So when he hit his own difficult relationship moment, he channeled it into his new film, “The Sun Never Sets.” This week on the “Modern Love” podcast, Swanberg talks about the real-life story that inspired the film, what he’s learned in the process of cleaning up his own mess, and how his approach to relationships is changing.