Proud Conception Podcast

In this expert episode, I sit down with Stewart Dalley, a lawyer at Dalley Sundar who specialises in queer family formation in Aotearoa New Zealand. Stewart has both lived and professional experience in this space: he has three daughters of his own through surrogacy, and his work has shaped the legal landscape for queer families in ways many of us have benefited from without even knowing it. Stewart and his partner were the first same-sex de facto couple in the country to obtain joint adoption orders, and he successfully argued the case that two women can both be named as mothers on their children's birth certificates.We talk about the history of how the law in Aotearoa has treated queer families and the pathways it has opened over time. We get into the detail of donor agreements: why you should absolutely have one if you're using a personal donor, but why you also need to be really intentional about what you include, because some aspects of those agreements can in fact be enforceable by a court. We discuss what's on the horizon with surrogacy law reform, the very real pitfalls of international surrogacy, and a question Stewart is seeing come up more and more in his practice: what happens to your frozen embryos if you and your partner separate?There is a lot in this conversation. And after we hung up, Stewart said something that stayed with me: that yes, there are still hurdles and we do need to keep advocating and agitating, but we are also lucky that a pathway exists at all. That we can be the legally recognised parents of our children and have those children in the first place. When Stewart's first daughter was born, he and his partner only had guardianship orders. He was not the legally recognised parent of his own child. That reality and the distance we've travelled from it is worth holding onto.I hope you come away from this episode feeling like legal advice in this space is more accessible than you might think. It can start with a simple phone call. If you want to get in touch with Stewart to discuss your own situation, you can find him at Dalley Sundar Law: www.dslaw.nzAs always, thanks for listening to Proud Conception. If you enjoyed this episode, please follow the show on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and join the conversation on Instagram @ProudConceptionPod. Please consider sharing this podcast with a friend — it really does help us connect with people who might benefit from the stories we are sharing. And if you have a family building story that you'd like to share, please get in touch! You can reach us via Instagram or by emailing proudconception@gmail.com.

Today we are joined by Kate Zame and we’re getting into the nitty gritty of traditional surrogacy—not just what it is and how it differs from gestational surrogacy, but what it actually looks like when you’re living it.Kate and her wife Kelly have their own beautiful rainbow path to parenthood but this episode is about the couple’s most recent experience with Kelly being a surrogate for a queer couple. I chat with Kate about why traditional surrogacy felt like the right fit for this whanau and how they navigated all of the necessary conversations from matching up with the couple that would end up being their intended parents, talking about the biological connection, the whakapapa, that their families would share, and navigating the network of providers that helped bring this fruition, including incredible counselors, midwifes, and a boss and the interesting engagements with Oranga Tamariki. We get into the legal realities of traditional surrogacy and the emotional weight of the process.And because of my Kate’s unique position, as the wife of a surrogate, you’ll hear her reflect on what it means to support someone through surrogacy, whether as a partner or as an intended parent. So if there are any intended parents, or “IPs”, out there, I know you’ll get a lot out of this episode.Kate busts down myths and taboos around traditional surrogacy and shows exactly how arrangements like this have been happening for decades and decades because they can be ethical, respectful and safe ways for families to grow and flourish. Resources:Kate Zame on Instagram @katezameslt come for the speech and language therapy and queer parenting, stay for the good vibes. Why Do You Parent Like That with Abbey Harrison and her conversation with Kate, covering more of her own family’s personal journey.As always, thanks for listening to Proud Conception. If you enjoyed this episode, please follow the show on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and join the conversation on Instagram @ProudConceptionPod. Please consider sharing this podcast with a friend, it really does help us connect with people who might benefit from the stories we are sharing. And if you have a family building story that you’d like to share, please get in touch! You can reach us via Instagram or by emailing proudconception@gmail.com.

This week on Proud Conception, we meet John, who alongside his husband Nick, embarked on a journey to fatherhood that required immense tenacity and resilience. After ruling out adoption and international options, their path took a beautiful turn when John’s sister offered to be their egg donor. With Nick providing the sperm, their son Emerson would share a biological connection to both sides of the whānau.They worked through the search of finding a gestational surrogate and had a few false starts with the embryo transfer, but it finally all seemed to align with a positive pregnancy. Then at 20 weeks, their world shifted when at a routine scan they discovered their son had a congenital heart defect. John details the daunting reality of preparing for multiple heart surgeries for a newborn while navigating the legal complexities of New Zealand surrogacy arrangements, where, as intended parents, they technically had no legal rights to make decisions around their son’s care and treatment until parenting orders were in place post-birth. In recounting this journey, John shares his perspective of being gay dads in a hospital system designed primarily for birthing mothers but also highlights the incredible individual allies they found in nurses, surgeons, and their lawyer. He also shares some of the people and groups whose support guided him and Nick. This is a story of fierce advocacy and the profound love that carried this whānau through. This is a longer episode and it deserves to be. It’s the extraordinary origin story of a beautiful young boy wrapped up in some pretty remarkable love.Resources:Imperfect Parents: The parenting group John mentions that provided a supportive space for their whānau. Super inclusive of different family types and run by the incredible Sophie Moskowitz. https://www.imperfectparents.co.nz/Stewart Dalley: The legal support John and Nick used for their surrogacy and adoption process. Stewart is a lawyer who specialises in surrogacy and has three children of his own by surrogacy. https://www.dslaw.nz/familyformation/ Empwr: Rainbow-inclusive antenatal classes which provide affirming and supportive pregnancy education. empwrbirth.com. The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will be Glad that You Did) by Philippa Perry. Thanks for listening to Proud Conception. If you enjoyed this episode and want to hear more, follow the show on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and join the conversation with us on Instagram @ProudConceptionPod. And if you have a family-building story you’d like to share, please get in touch via Instagram or email proudconception@gmail.com.

This week on Proud Conception, we meet Olivia, wife to Karen and mama to four-year-old Rafael. Their path to parenthood took many turns: from working with Oranga Tamariki to potentially care for a relative’s child, to trying at-home inseminations with a personal sperm donor, and finally to conceiving Rafael through IUI with an unknown clinic donor.Olivia shares candidly about the heartbreaks and lessons along the way including the generosity of a friend who offered to be their donor, the grief when that plan changed, and the long wait on the donor list that ultimately led them to matching with a Filipino donor who beautifully reflected Karen’s heritage. Together, they’ve built a family culture that honours both their backgrounds and shared traditions into everyday life.We also talk about navigating fertility clinic systems, the quirks of counselling requirements, inclusive midwifery care, and finding representation in children’s books (including one very special Canadian connection that felt meant to be). Olivia’s story is warm, grounded, and full of wisdom for those just starting their own journey to queer parenthood.Resources:You Came from My Heart by Brenlee Coates and illustrated by Roberta Landreth https://www.youcamefrommyheart.com/ Inclusion through Difference, a nationwide survey of Rainbow Families in Aotearoa: https://vuw.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_7OPvyWEj8lLTSrc Thanks for listening to Proud Conception. If you enjoyed this episode and want to hear more, follow the show on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and join the conversation with us on Instagram @ProudConceptionPod. If you have a family-building story that you’d like to share, please get in touch via Instagram or email proudconception@gmail.com.

This week’s episode features Laura, a two-time gestational surrogate with a powerful story and a big heart. Laura has carried a pregnancy before for two gay dads and is now five weeks pregnant again with surrogate pēpi number two for a different set of dads, former MP and broadcaster Tamati Coffey and his partner Tim.Many folks in the LGBTQ+ community are just missing one vital piece of the biological puzzle for reproducing — a uterus! So gestational surrogates like Laura play an incredibly important role in helping others grow their whānau.In this kōrero, Laura shares openly about her two surrogacy journeys and what inspired her to carry for others, the difference between gestational and traditional surrogacy, how surrogacy works legally in Aotearoa, including the ECART process and the involvement of Oranga Tamariki, the financial realities of surrogacy, her relationships with the intended parents and the importance of ongoing connection, and her advice for anyone looking for a surrogate to help grow their whānau.Resources:You can follow Laura’s journey on Instagram @theirbabymybody and Tamati Coffey (who Laura is carrying this pēpi for) is also sharing some updates on his Instagram @tamaticoffey.Laura also mentions some Facebook groups she facilitates for surrogates and intended parents in NZ. You can join them by searching for “New Zealand Surrogate Support” and “New Zealand Intended Parents (via surrogacy) Support” on Facebook. Love Makes a Family is a website where surrogates, gamete donors and intended parents can match up and support one another. You can find out more at https://lovemakes.family/Thanks for listening to Proud Conception. If you enjoyed this episode and want to hear more, follow the show on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and join the conversation with us on Instagram @ProudConceptionPod. If you have a family building story that you’d like to share, please get in touch! You can reach Rachael via Instagram or by emailing proudconception@gmail.com

Welcome to Proud Conception! In this inaugural episode, we hear from Jess — a cis woman from Australia now living in Aotearoa with her wife Lauren, a trans woman, and their two boys.Jess shares their journey through infertility, IVF, and cross-border conception. She shares about navigating Lauren’s gender transition alongside their family-building plans, how they talk to their kids about identity and origin, and the joys of parenting as a two-mum family. Jess offers heartfelt advice for future LGBTQ+ parents, emphasising love and acceptance in family life.Thanks for listening to Proud Conception. If you enjoyed this episode and want to hear more, please follow the show on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and head over to Instagram to join the conversation @ProudConceptionPod.