Reimagining Love with Dr. Alexandra Solomon

What would change if, instead of prioritizing romantic relationships, we made friendships the center of our lives? NPR's Rhaina Cohen joins Reimagining Love to explore the possibilities embedded within that question. In her new book, Rhaina invites us into the worlds of people who've organized their lives around deep friendship and, in doing so, challenge our ideas and assumptions about which relationships should be at the heart of a fulfilling life. Resources worth mentioning from the episode: The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center by Rhaina Cohen Listen to "Dear Friend," the song inspired by Rhaina's book Connect with Rhaina online "Parent–adult child estrangement in the United States by gender, race/ethnicity, and sexuality" from the Journal of Marriage and Family Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon: Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 Access Resources, like quizzes and courses: https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/resources Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530 Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/ Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

Today, we're sharing an episode of ShrinkChicks, a mental health and relationships podcast. Dr. Alexandra recently joined hosts Jennifer Chaiken and Emmalee Bierly for a conversation answering some very thoughtful listener questions such as, “Why is it so hard to break patterns and be in a healthy relationship?” and “How do I stay open to a healthy relationship without waiting for it to fall apart?”. Join our conversation as we explore the intricacies of love, vulnerability, and the importance of self-awareness in fostering healthy connections. Enjoy this bonus episode filled with insights and practical advice about healthy relationships and the patterns we carry from our families of origin.

These days, Dr. Alexandra talks about discernment when approaching the high volume of content available in the realm of mental wellness, self-help, and relationships, so you can sift through what works for you and what doesn’t. And a guiding principle is that insight alone is not sufficient. Engaging with content that helps you go from just knowing some new things to embodying these lessons contributes to your depth of understanding and potential for healing. Today’s guest found her way into her work through eagerly reading self-help book after self-help book trying to understand herself but determined that the piece she needed for her own healing was the felt, somatic experience of being safe in relationships. And that’s not necessarily a romantic relationship, either - that is any anchoring relationship: friends, family members, mentors, pets. This guest is Jessica Baum, licensed psychotherapist and author of the books Anxiously Attached and more recently, Safe: An Attachment-Informed Guide to Building More Secure Relationships, which is the focus of this conversation. You will hear Dr. Alexandra and Jessica Baum discuss: the science of how relationships offer us these healing anchors, and how to create experiences of safety in our bodies, both from the outside in, and the inside out. the dynamic nature of attachment styles, or patterns as Jessica calls them, which runs counter to the way many folks speak about them these days. The Wheel of Attachment, which brings more nuance to the whole topic of attachment. how to begin this type of somatic work to understand our own dynamic attachment patterns and to engage our right hemisphere of the brain more often to enrich and deepen our connections. healing in romantic relationships, and how that’s not always available to us in every pairing - but healing through doing our own work always is! Resources worth mentioning from the episode: Safe: An Attachment-Informed Guide to Building More Secure Relationships by Jessica Baum https://jessicabaumlmhc.com/safe Conscious Relationship Group https://consciousrelationshipgroup.com/ Jessica Baum on IG @jessicabaumlmhc https://www.instagram.com/jessicabaumlmhc/?hl=en Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon: Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530 Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/ Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

You may be surprised to hear that billionaires get divorced at roughly the same rate as the general population, which demonstrates that no amount of money protects couples from the tension that can arise when finances are at play. Dr. Alexandra often says that money is a tricky topic because at one level, it is very concrete – dollars and cents, spending and saving. But at another level, the topic of money evokes deep and meaningful questions about our core beliefs, our sense of identity, our desires, and our insecurities. To help us explore all of this, Dr. Alexandra is joined by financial-planning power couple Douglas and Heather Boneparth. You will hear them talk about: why money continues to be a source of tension for couples, even after couples become objectively successful. “financial infidelity”, the role shame plays with it, and the Boneparths’ case for financial transparency in your relationship. how to get past the tangible, more surface-level topics around money to curiously dig deeper and explore why you and your partner feel the way you do about money (and spoiler alert: that story started being written long long ago!). how to approach prenups. Resources worth mentioning from the episode: Money Together: How to find fairness in your relationship and become an unstoppable financial team by Heather and Douglas Boneparth https://bookshop.org/p/books/money-together-how-to-find-fairness-in-your-relationship-and-become-an-unstoppable-financial-team-douglas-boneparth/273465fcc086fc3d Subscribe to The Joint Account newsletter: https://www.readthejointaccount.com/ Learn more about The Boneparths: https://domoneytogether.com/ Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon: Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530 Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/ Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

This is our 200th episode of Reimagining Love! And to celebrate, Dr. Alexandra is in-studio with her husband, Todd, to answer your questions. They cover topics such as emotional interdependence versus codependence, infidelity and avoidant attachment, resentment in a marriage, identifying needs in a situationship, and navigating grief and identity formation after divorce. Thank you so much for submitting your listener questions! Even when they are not selected for these Mailbag-type episodes, they continually inform our content. We love to hear from you! Submit a Listener Question here: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 Resources worth mentioning from the episode: Thriving Through the Holiday Chaos on MasterClass: http://masterclass.com/holidays For Question 2 (infidelity + avoidant attachment) - Dr. Alexandra’s E-Course - Can I Trust You Again? (rebuilding after betrayal or deceit) https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/can-i-trust-you-again-rebuilding-after-betrayal-or-deceit Reimagining Love episode, When You’re the Affair Partner https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/when-youre-the-affair-partner/ Reimagining Love Episodes on Attachment: Jessica Baum (releasing in February 2026) From the Inside Out: Attachment Theory & Mindful Parenting with Dr. Dan Siegel https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/from-the-inside-out-attachment-theory-mindful-parenting-with-dr-dan-siegel/ Exploring Attachment: Transform Your Relationship Patterns with Thais Gibson https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/exploring-attachment-transform-your-relationship-patterns/ Secure Attachments: The Felt Sense of Love with Julie Menanno https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/secure-attachments-the-felt-sense-of-love-with-julie-menanno/ For Question 3 (resentment in marriage) - Reimagining Love episode, My 9 Favorite Resentment-Busting Strategies https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/my-9-favorite-resentment-busting-strategies/ Reimagining Love episode, When Shame Blocks Repair https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/when-shame-blocks-repair/ For Question 4 (identifying needs in situationship) - Reimagining Love episode, Is Your “Situationship” Working? https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/is-your-situationship-working/ Dr. Alexandra’s E-Course - Intimate Relationships 101 https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/offers/Q7LEbtEX/checkout For Question 5 (navigating grief and identity formation after divorce) - Reimagining Love episode, Guidance for the Newly Single: 5 Strategies for Stability and Healing https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/guidance-for-the-newly-single/ Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon: Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530 Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/ Learn from Dr. Alexandra (E-courses: Intimate Relationships 101 or Can I Trust You Again?): https://dralexandrasolomon.com/learn-from-alexandra/ Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

On Reimagining Love, we've done several solo episodes where Dr. Alexandra takes a seemingly simple and straightforward statement that folks are making about relationships. Then she pulls it apart to try to find more shades of grey, to add more complexity and layering to a phrase that she finds has gotten too simplistic. In today’s episode, we are going to look at what it means when people say they've outgrown their relationship*. First, Dr. Alexandra will talk you through what she thinks people are saying when they say they've outgrown the relationship. Then she is going to look at the internal stuff - what might be going on inside of you that's shaping this feeling that you've outgrown the relationship that you're in. Then she is going to look at the relational stuff - what might be going on in the space between you and your partner that's shaping this feeling that you've outgrown the relationship. And then finally, she will talk about some strategies that you can use to bring clarity to the situation. *This episode often uses the language of intimate partnerships but much of it can be applied to other relationships, like friendships, as well. Other Solo RL Episodes with Deep Dives on a Too-Simplistic Phrase: “I Love Them, But I’m Not in Love With Them” https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/i-love-them-but-im-not-in-love-with-them/ “Right person, wrong time” https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/right-person-wrong-time/ “If They Wanted To, They Would.” https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/if-they-wanted-to-they-would/ Resources to support the episode: Reimagining Love episodes, Relational Ambivalence: Should I Stay or Should I Go? Part 1 https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/relational-ambivalence-should-i-stay-or-should-i-go-part-1-rerelease/ Relational Ambivalence: Should I Stay or Should I Go? Part 2 https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/relational-ambivalence-should-i-stay-or-should-i-go-part-2-rerelease/ Inviting a Reluctant Partner into Relationship Work https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/inviting-a-reluctant-partner-into-relationship-work-re-release/ Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon: Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530 Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/ Learn from Dr. Alexandra (E-courses: Intimate Relationships 101 or Can I Trust You Again?): https://dralexandrasolomon.com/learn-from-alexandra/ Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

In this conversation, you’ll hear Dr. Alexandra totally nerd-out with Dr. Allison Daminger about the division of work in couples, particularly in an often overlooked domain: the mental space. In her research, Daminger found that even when couples approximate parity around “time use”, there are still huge gaps in what she calls “mind use” or cognitive labor… even for modern couples who believe in what she calls the Myth of Mutuality, an equal partnership where both partners evenly share the load. You will hear about the gendered disparities in cognitive labor in the home in a gentle, blame-free way. When it comes to gender roles in family life, we tend to overestimate the effects of individual differences and underestimate the effects of bigger social forces. So if the load is feeling unequal in your partnership, Daminger wants you to move away from guilt and blame and toward strategies that move you closer to your ideals. In this episode, you’ll hear about: What constitutes cognitive labor and why women tend to carry the lion’s share. Experiences from couples in Allison’s research who successfully created shared systems for cognitive labor, and the approaches and conditions that made that possible. The narratives couples use to justify how they divide labor, especially when trying to avoid recreating gendered patterns (while often recreating them anyway). How to spot cognitive labor disparities in your own home and use that awareness to divide responsibilities more fairly based on skill rather than “personality” (i.e., gendered expectations). The pressure that broader societal structures place on individual households, and how reframing the issue can support calls for systemic change. How to start small and make meaningful shifts toward parity in cognitive labor. Resources worth mentioning from the episode: Dr. Allison Daminger’s book, What’s On Her Mind - The Mental Workload of Family Life: https://bookshop.org/p/books/what-s-on-her-mind-the-mental-workload-of-family-life-allison-daminger/585e2aa7eac0a0ea Learn more about Dr. Allison Daminger and sign up for her newsletter The Daminger Dispatch: https://www.allisondaminger.com/ Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon: Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530 Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/ Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

Dr. Alexandra is in-studio with her husband, Todd, for this special two-part conversation about loving across potentially dealbreaking differences. Inspired by the Netflix show, Nobody Wants This, starring Kristen Bell and Adam Brody, Dr. Alexandra and Todd reflect on navigating a faith difference, with Dr. Alexandra ultimately converting to Judaism in preparation for their marriage. They discuss the larger question: how can a couple go about navigating ANY potentially dealbreaking difference? You’ll hear their reflections on Dr. Alexandra’s decision to convert to Judaism, as they discuss the implications of being the 'sacrificing partner' versus the one being 'sacrificed for’. You will also hear how attachment differences and family of origin dynamics impacted their relationship and what they’ve learned from it all over the years. You’ll come away from this episode with: A deeper understanding of how interfaith dynamics can enrich or challenge relationships. Insights into the importance of communication in overcoming differences. Practical advice on navigating family of origin roles and attachment styles to enhance relationship intimacy. Plus candid reflections on: -what factors make a change/sacrifice smoother for a couple -what went into Dr. Alexandra’s decision to convert to Judaism -advice Dr. Alexandra and Todd would give to their younger selves to help them navigate their differences Resources worth mentioning from the episode: Reimagining Love Episode, Love Stories: Toddcast https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/love-stories-toddcast/ Managing Back to School Stress on MasterClass: http://masterclass.com/backtoschool Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon: Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530 Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/ Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/