Sam's Healing Podcast

What does real recovery from porn addiction look like when simply "stopping" isn't enough? In this episode of Sam's Healing Podcast, Sam sits down with Jeremy Lipkowitz, founder of Unhooked Academy and host of the Unhooked Podcast, for an honest conversation about moving beyond sobriety and addressing the shame, emotions, and patterns that often live underneath compulsive behavior. Jeremy shares how porn addiction can become a way of escaping stress, anxiety, loneliness, boredom, insecurity, and other uncomfortable emotions—and why relying on willpower or chasing another sobriety streak may not create the deeper change needed for long-term recovery. Together, Sam and Jeremy explore what it means to understand the behavior rather than simply fight it, how mindfulness can help create space between an urge and an action, and why recovery is ultimately about building a life rooted in connection, purpose, integrity, and fulfillment. In this episode, we talked about: • Why shame can keep porn addiction hidden and make recovery harder • Looking beyond sobriety as the only measure of recovery • Understanding the emotions and patterns underneath compulsive porn use • Why willpower and "white-knuckling" only go so far • Using meditation and mindfulness as tools for recovery • Learning to sit with loneliness, boredom, stress, and discomfort instead of escaping them • Jeremy's four-phase recovery framework: Reset, Rewire, Rebuild, and Restore • The role of habits, environment, relationships, and connection in lasting change • Building a meaningful and fulfilling life beyond addiction If you've struggled with porn addiction—or you love someone who has—this conversation offers a compassionate look at what recovery can become when the focus shifts from simply avoiding a behavior to understanding yourself and creating meaningful change from the inside out. About Jeremy Lipkowitz Jeremy Lipkowitz is a former Buddhist monk, meditation teacher, and ICF-certified executive coach who helps high-achieving men break free from compulsive behaviors—especially porn addiction—and build lives of integrity, discipline, and deep fulfillment. With more than 13 years of meditation experience and hundreds of days spent in silent retreat, Jeremy blends ancient wisdom with cutting-edge science to guide individuals toward emotional resilience and personal freedom. A former genetic researcher who earned Bachelor's and Master's degrees in Genetics & Genomics and pursued a PhD at Duke University, Jeremy left academia after confronting his own struggles with addiction, shame, and self-judgment. A period of monastic training in Myanmar deepened his mindfulness practice and marked the start of a lifelong commitment to personal growth and service. As the founder of Unhooked Academy and host of the Unhooked Podcast, Jeremy is a leading voice in destigmatizing porn addiction and educating the public on effective, science-based recovery strategies. His work helps men overcome shame, understand the neuroscience of addiction, and create lasting transformation through mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and habit change. For over a decade, Jeremy has taught at universities, recovery centers, and global companies across the U.S. and Asia. His calm, grounded presence and ability to bridge analytical thinking with inner work make him a sought-after guide for professionals and executives looking to reclaim their lives from digital distractions and self-sabotaging patterns. Credentials & Training • CPCC, Co-Active Training Institute • ACC, International Coaching Federation (ICF) • Certified Teacher, Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute (SIYLI – developed at Google) Connect with Jeremy: Website: https://unhookedacademy.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jeremylipkowitz2 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/JeremyLipkowitz Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jeremylipkowitz Connect with Sam's Healing Podcast Website: https://www.samshealingpodcast.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/samuel_healing Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61572200762649 Subscribe to Sam's Healing Podcast for more honest conversations about recovery, healing, betrayal trauma, relationships, and personal growth.

You didn't cause it. You didn't deserve it. You didn't ask for it. But you are the one who has to heal from it. When Lora Cheadle discovered her husband had been cheating on her for 15 years with five different women, she didn't just lose her marriage. She lost her sense of reality. She lost her identity. She lost trust in herself. She laid on the floor. She couldn't stand up. She wanted everything to go away. And then she made a choice. Not to remain a victim. To become the architect of her own healing. About Lora: Lora Cheadle, JD, CHt is a former corporate attorney turned clinical hypnotherapist, TEDx speaker, and betrayal recovery coach. She doesn't just teach betrayal recovery. She lived it. And eight and a half years out, she and her husband have built something more real, more connected, and more deeply committed than anything they had before. If you are trying to figure out how to heal after infidelity or understand what betrayal trauma is really doing to your body and mind, this episode is for you. In this episode, we talk about: ◾ Why infidelity is not a marriage problem and why jumping straight into couples therapy can actually make things worse ◾ What betrayal trauma does to the brain and nervous system and why healing after an affair feels like recovering from a full-body trauma response ◾ The real stages of healing after betrayal: grief, self-blame, hypervigilance and why you cannot skip them ◾ Why the betrayed lose trust in themselves, not just their partner and how to reframe that with compassion ◾ The power of somatic healing and using your voice to release what your body is holding ◾ How to break free from the victim mentality without dismissing the very real pain you've been through ◾ What rebuilding trust after infidelity actually looked like inside Lora's own marriage, including her husband's journey ◾ Why focusing on individual healing, not saving the marriage, is what actually gives the relationship a real chance If you are in the depths of betrayal trauma right now, this episode is for you. You are not stupid. You are not broken. You trusted someone because you are a trusting person and that is not a flaw. That is your goodness. Learning how to heal from infidelity starts with understanding that betrayal uncovers the truth of everything that needs to heal. And it can lead to the most connected relationship of your life or the most beautiful and empowered new beginning. Either way, there is a way through. "Infidelity doesn't just break trust, it breaks your reality. Healing begins when you stop asking 'Why did this happen to me?' and start asking 'Who do I want to become after this?'" by Lora Cheadle There is hope...... Samuel Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/samuel_healing www.samshealingpodcast.com Connect with Lora Cheadle: Website: https://loracheadle.com Get Her Free Betrayal Recovery Guide: https://BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com YouTube: http://youtube.com/@LoraCheadleLifeChoreographer Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lora.cheadle Instagram: / loracheadle

Have you ever wondered if you or your partner was truly a sex addict? Perhaps you're wondering if you or your partner are maybe dealing with sexual compulsivity? What in fact is this 'sexual compulsivity?' Today you'll meet Dr. Matthew Hedelius Psy. D., LCSW, CSAT-S who has been a regular guest on the podcast over the years and is the Director of Paradise Creek Recovery Center. Dr. Matthew Hedelius earned a B.S. degree in Family Sciences, a Masters Degree in Clinical Social Work and a Doctor of Psychology Degree. He has provided treatment for both men and women who are suffering from trauma and problematic sexual behaviors for over 26 years. He utilizes principles of neuroscience and interpersonal neurobiology to help individuals achieve the healing they are capable of. He has specialized training in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing and is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. To Healing, Sam [email protected]

On today's episode of "Moving from Not It to Got It," Sam takes listeners on an honest journey through the pivotal moment when an unfaithful spouse chooses to stop deflecting and starts owning their actions. The episode opens by breaking down the psychological reality of the "Not It" phase—where self-protection, avoidance, and justification keep an individual stuck, unable to truly connect with their partner or heal the damage from infidelity. The reality is, "Not It" causes a significant amount of collateral damage including but certainly not limited to: blocking all forward progress minimizing and justifying the affair(s) blame shifting subconsciously expecting the betrayed partner to handhold the unfaithful into the most basic recovery work The heart of today's episode centers on what it takes to shift from "Not It" to "Got It" not only earning self respect but simultaneously the respect of the betrayed partner. This means facing the hard truths head-on and making the conscious choice to drop the defenses and problematic patterns which may have created the acting out in the first place. The transformation can be palpable: when an unfaithful spouse authentically claims responsibility, they lay the foundation for rebuilding trust, self-respect, and hope for their relationship. Note: This episode is educational, not therapy. Please reach out for professional guidance at [email protected] to learn more about coaching or intensive options. To Healing, Sam

When infidelity or addiction has shaken a relationship, couples often turn to coaching or therapy for healing. These tools are designed to help people rebuild trust, understand pain, and create healthier patterns. At their best, they provide safety, empathy, and clarity. But when the language and frameworks of therapy or coaching are misused, they can become weapons. Instead of supporting healing, they deepen wounds, reinforce blame, and prevent genuine repair. After cheating or addiction, emotions are raw. One partner may grasp at therapy concepts to regain control or avoid accountability. Common misuses include: Pathologizing: Labeling the hurt partner as "codependent" or "trauma-bonded" instead of acknowledging their pain. Playing therapist: Acting like the "expert" in recovery rather than an equal participant. Gaslighting with therapy-speak: Saying, "This is just your trauma—it's not about me," to minimize betrayal. Misusing boundaries: Declaring boundaries as a way to dodge hard conversations, e.g., "I won't discuss the affair again—it's crossing my boundary." Exploiting disclosures: Using what a spouse revealed in therapy (such as past wounds) as ammunition during conflict. These tactics shift focus away from accountability and silence the betrayed partner's voice, halting healing before it can even begin. Infidelity and addiction often leave the offending partner flooded with guilt and shame, and the hurt partner overwhelmed by anger and grief. In this fragile space, weaponizing therapy language can become a defense mechanism. The unfaithful spouse may use it to deflect responsibility. The betrayed spouse may use it to label and control. Both can misuse "healing" jargon as armor against vulnerability. When therapy language is weaponized in recovery: Trust erodes further—the betrayed partner may feel manipulated or dismissed instead of heard. Shame deepens—labels like "damaged goods" or "triggered" or "once a cheater always a cheater" can compound existing pain and keep couples stuck. Repair stalls—genuine accountability and empathy get replaced by analysis and argument. Emotional safety collapses—the relationship becomes a battleground of diagnoses rather than a place for healing. What couples need most after betrayal is compassion and honesty, not one-sided, weaponized expertise. Therapy and coaching can be transformative in recovering from cheating or addiction—but only when used with humility. Healthier approaches include: Speaking from feelings: "I feel hurt and unsafe," rather than diagnosing a partner's reactions. Taking responsibility: The betraying partner owning their actions without hiding behind jargon. Seeking mutual support: Using therapy to create shared language, not to score points. Protecting vulnerability: Ensuring that disclosures in therapy remain safe, never weaponized. In this context, therapeutic tools become bridges to understanding instead of barriers. Couples healing from infidelity or addiction can protect their recovery by: Agreeing that therapy insights are for healing, not for argument. Practicing humility—both partners are learners, not experts, in the process. Honoring disclosures—treating shared vulnerabilities as sacred. Focusing on accountability and empathy over diagnosis or control. Working with a neutral guide—a therapist or coach who holds space fairly for both sides. Infidelity and addiction test relationships at their core. Coaching and therapy can provide the tools to rebuild, but only if used with care. When weaponized, they become tools of avoidance and control, keeping wounds open. When applied with honesty, humility, and empathy, they foster the safety needed for real healing. True recovery comes not from labeling or diagnosing, but from the hard work of accountability, compassion, and rebuilding trust—together. To Healing..... Sam [email protected] ------ Sam's Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery's most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma's founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at [email protected].

Have you ever wondered what goes through the mind of an unfaithful when they are about to lose everything? Have you considered that maybe, just maybe there are those who sober up, realize what they are about to lose and actually do recovery work? Today you'll hear from Ryan again, a former unfaithful who shares more of his compelling journey to healing as an unfaithful spouse who finally GOT IT. He's no rock star. He's no superman or super human. He's simply one of so many who have chosen to do the work and do whatever it takes to save his family. Maybe he is special? Maybe he chose to bottom out, hit rock bottom and listen to the many voices of healing, confrontation and sobriety that were placed in his life? Today you'll hear more about how he was on the verge of losing all that he cherished and all that he held dear.... I don't know where you're at or what you're facing as an unfaithful or betrayed. What I do know is that there is hope for YOU and your own recovery and I hope you'll listen to another courageous soul who chose to do the work. To Courage and to Healing.... Sam ------ Sam's Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery's most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma's founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at [email protected].