Julia Minson: Disagree Better: Hold Your Ground Without Lighting a Match

Julia Minson: Disagree Better: Hold Your Ground Without Lighting a Match

From Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen by Chrissy Teigen

March 19, 2026 · 48 min

About this episode

Harvard professor Julia Minson discusses how to navigate disagreements without escalating conflict.

Harvard professor Julia Minson joins Chrissy to break down why most “conflict” isn’t about bad people—it’s about missing skills. She explains how disagreement turns toxic when we slip into judgment, certainty, and a win/lose mindset, and why “good intentions” don’t count if the other person can’t  hear  them. Then she gives a practical toolkit—naive realism, “listen with your mouth,” and her HEAR framework—to help you say what you mean, lower the temperature, and preserve the relationship for the next conversation.   Key Takeaways Disagreement ≠ conflict: conflict starts when you judge the person (you’re ignorant / selfish / bad) instead of wrestling with the idea. Most fights are “missing skills,” not bad intentions: people aren’t trained to show curiosity, signal respect, or stay regulated when heat rises. Naive realism is the trap: we believe we’re seeing “objective reality,” so if you disagree, something must be wrong with  you —and that’s how contempt enters. People don’t want to change their minds—so stop arguing like they do: we assume they’re threatened; really, they’re usually just annoyed you won’t accept their “obvious” truth. A…

People in this episode

Host: Chrissy Teigen

Guest: Julia Minson

Topics covered

  • disagreement
  • conflict resolution
  • communication skills
  • relationship building
  • emotional regulation

Keywords

  • disagreement
  • conflict
  • communication
  • skills
  • relationship
  • judgment
  • mindset

Mentioned in this episode

Organizations: Harvard

More episodes of Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen

Explore listener stats, chart rankings, contacts and more on the Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen podcast page.