Struggle Care

Codependency is one of those buzzwords often used in therapy and mental health around relationships. Today’s guest has provoked a lot of feedback by challenging people’s views on this subject. Join us for this intriguing conversation. I’m joined by one of my favorite people on TikTok, Shahem Mclaurin, a social worker in Brooklyn, NY, with over 500,000 followers on social media. Shahem is self-described as a person who is “queer as hell, Black as hell, and loud as hell.” They use their platform to address a wide range of social and mental health issues impacting people of color, patriarchy-impacted people, and members of the LGBTQ+ community. Show Highlights: ● How Shahem’s view of codependency has challenged the worldview of many people ● Why Shahem got a lot of blowback from his thoughts on codependency when he began to challenge popular worldviews ● Why we need to differentiate between attention-seeking and connection-seeking behaviors ● Why people get defensive when their “codependency identification” is challenged ● How the term codependency originated as part of popular therapeutic language ● How our culture sees having empathy for someone and expecting accountability from them as opposites that can’t both be true at the same time ● Thoughts on codependency, outside validation, connectivity, and feeling emotionally safe ● How to take a look at your unique journey “in the pool” Resources and Links: Connect with Shahem: ⁠TikTok⁠ and ⁠Instagram⁠ Connect with KC: ⁠TikTok⁠, ⁠Instagram⁠, and ⁠Facebook⁠ Get KC’s book, ⁠How to Keep House While Drowning⁠ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:⁠ www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I’m honored to be joined by Pat Sorrells for this episode. Pat is the CEO and president of Camp For All, a camp for ALL abilities and disabilities that opened in 1998. Pat has invested her heart and life into this organization, serving in her current role since 2007. Camp For All has impacted tens of thousands of people in ways that other camps cannot do. Join us to learn more! Show Highlights: The beautiful mission of Camp For All A truly “barrier-free” camp is much different from other camps. The importance of a REAL camp experience–instead of short-changing kids with challenging needs Camp For All structure for programs throughout the year The unique model of Camp For All in partnering with organizations to provide camps catering to kids with specific needs Highlights of Pat’s fondest memories of Camp For All’s scope of impact and accommodation Fun camp activities at Camp For All Specific accommodations at Camp For All Want to access Camp For All or partner with Camp For All? Pat explains what to do by accessing their Website. Resources and Links: Connect with Camp For All: Website Preorder my new book: Struggle Care Website, Amazon, and Bookshop Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s topic is exciting: toxic masculinity, which might be better termed “functional masculinity.” I’m joined by Alex Frankel, who grew up in San Francisco clearly understanding that the definition of hotness was dictated by beautiful people in popular magazines. During his entire childhood, he felt trapped in his fat body and hated how he looked. He finally realized that being hot was more than perfect abs and bulging biceps but more of an attitude. Alex is now a successful plus-size model, and he’s a body-acceptance advocate and role model for fat guys all around the world. He created the Hot Fat Guy Club to dispel the myths around diet, culture, fatphobia, and other fat people stereotypes. His goal was to create a welcoming community where people are celebrated and not shamed for their body types. Why do I love this topic? It’s because men are not often talked about in the body positivity movement. Join us for a new perspective from a Hot Fat Guy! Show Highlights: ● An overview of Dr. Ronald Levant’s Seven Tenets of Traditional Masculine Ideology ● Where the problem of masculinity originates because of deeply entrenched patriarchy, traditional masculine values, programming, and gender policing ● Fascinating trends in how young boys and girls segregate themselves until puberty hits ● Why Alex believes a lack of empathy and respect for other human beings are core issues with today’s masculinity ● How we are taught the power differential by society around relationships and rejection ● How programmed traditional masculinity can be dormant until it flares up later in life ● The link between church and religious propaganda and traditional masculinity ● Why men have been programmed by traditional masculinity around vulnerability and feeling shame in showing emotions ● Three things to note around weaponized vulnerability, emotional safety, and caring feelings ● An example about the inability to express or understand emotions Resources and Links: Connect with Alex Frankel and the Hot Fat Guy Club: TikTok and Instagram Mentioned in this episode: Therapy Chat podcast and The Tough Standard: The Hard Truths About Masculinity and Violence by Ronald F. Levant and Shana Pryor Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You have probably heard me say, “You can’t save the rainforest if you are depressed.” The truth is that eco-shame and eco-perfectionism can get in the way of our taking steps toward better functioning. If you have ever felt guilty for not being “eco-friendly enough,” this episode is for you! Rebecca Gray is an environmental epidemiologist. With her master’s degree in public health, she studies disease, the patterns of disease, and health at population levels within communities and countries. She also studies how factors in the environment impact health by causing and promoting disease. Rebecca works with government agencies like the EPA and CDC to develop water guidelines to keep pollutants out of the water supply. Show Highlights: How Rebecca has experienced forms of eco-shame in her profession How some people push the environmental movement in ways that are able-ist The trap we fall into to “embody the archetype” of the space we occupy How social media plays into the eco-perfectionism pressure we feel Why functionality matters more than the morality of what we do in care tasks, eating, the environment, etc. Rebecca’s view of today’s environmental movement Why we should ask ourselves how an eco-behavior affects our health and well being What really does need to happen to prevent climate change How our capitalistic society colors what we can do to be eco-friendly How differing narratives make us feel pressured to make individual changes and collective changes to “save the world” How to identify what we need to function well, fill in gaps with eco-friendly behaviors, and learn how to conserve our energy How to take a more reasonable–and less stressful–view of sustainability swaps Actions that have the least impact and the most impact on environmentalism Rebecca’s advice about letting ourselves off the hook for the decisions we make Links & Resources: Connect with Rebecca: LinkedIn Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What’s your organizing style? Are you a bee, ladybug, cricket, or butterfly? Find out in today’s episode as professional organizer, Cassandra Aarssen explains how to tidy and organize according to your natural organizational style. Cas is a self-proclaimed “recovering super slob” on a mission to help other families who struggle with disorganization and clutter. Join us! Show Highlights: Cas’s journey to Chief Clutterbug status Four organizational types, according to how you naturally sort and store your everyday things: Butterfly: You are a visual person who wants simple, quick, and easy organizational systems. Bee: You love visual and organizational abundance and are meticulous and detail-oriented, preferring to see your everyday items instead of hiding them away. Cricket: You love visual simplicity and organizational abundance, wanting to hide items out of sight, but you are detail-oriented and methodical. Ladybug: You love visual and organizational simplicity and prefer all your items hidden out of view with fast, easy solutions. Find your balance between wanting to put things away easily and wanting to find things easily. (You can’t have it both ways!) Parenting challenges in helping your kids learn to organize Cas’s best organizing advice for butterflies: Use plastic bins, baskets, buckets, and labels. Consider your “valuable real estate” from waist to eye level. Establish a “drop zone” in your home. Best tips from Cas and KC for keeping and organizing all the kids’ papers and artwork Cas’s best organizing advice for bees: Use clear, stacking bins and pegboards for meticulous organization. (Fun fact: Most hoarders are actually bees!) Cas’s best organizing advice for crickets: Use lots of styles for traditional organization. Cas’s best organizing advice for ladybugs: Use drawer dividers, bins, and baskets (with no lids). Resources and Links: Connect with Cas: Website (and Resources) Preorder my new book: Struggle Care Website, Amazon, and Bookshop Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I have big news! Starting now, we will follow a new release schedule for the podcast, going to twice-a-month releases on the first and third Mondays. We’ve done weekly episodes for a couple of years now, and I need to free up some time for exciting upcoming projects. My new book releases on May 6 and is available now for preorder: Who Deserves Your Love? How to Create Boundaries that Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship. My next project is a cookbook that focuses on easy, stress-free meals and gentle nutrition with my compassionate philosophy. I’m also trying my hand at fiction writing with my first draft of a fantasy romance novel. I want every project to reflect my full passion and energy, and I feel strongly that it’s time to reallocate my focus toward these other endeavors. I’ll stick to the twice-monthly podcast release schedule for March, April, and May. The last episode in May will be the final episode of the Struggle Care podcast—for now. You never know what might happen in the future! Let’s keep in touch! Sign up for my newsletter at Struggle Care, and I promise not to overload your inbox! Show Highlights: An exclusive sneak peek into my new book, Who Deserves Your Love? How to Create Boundaries that Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship My second book has the same disability advocacy perspective as my first book. You’ll find counter-culture messaging for communication and relationships. My book avoids standard attachment types and the language of codependency. An overview of the three parts of my book Listen as I read ch. 7 about The Decision Tree. It’s tricky to occupy the space between wanting to have compassion and grace for people while still having boundaries for yourself. Resources and Links: Preorder my new book: Struggle Care Website, Amazon, and Bookshop Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Money, money, money—-today’s show is all about money! I’m joined by Dana Miranda, the author of You Don't Need a Budget: Stop Worrying about Debt, Spend without Shame, and Manage Money with Ease. Dana is here to discuss debt from a refreshing perspective, and she shares her best advice about how to proceed after finding your financial footing. Having a budget is NOT the answer to all of your money problems. Join us for expert advice from Dana! Show Highlights: Dana’s path to the work she does today Money decisions are not purely black and white. What it means to be “Healthy Rich” (Check out Dana’s podcast: Healthy Rich.) Financial education is more than the demonization of debt. The fascination with shame as a way to bring behavior change around money (Does it really help to yell at people?) A healthy (and different) approach to debt Debt is strategic for the wealthiest 1%?? How? Understanding how debt products work and impact your credit score With debt, negotiation is always a possibility. Give it a try. Dana’s advice about debt products and red flags to look for Societal attitudes toward “acceptable debt” Addressing the gaps in financial knowledge for the typical American who finally achieves financial stability Accessible financial advice is available—where to look and who to trust Dana’s book: Who is it for and how can it help? Resources and Links: Connect with Dana Miranda: Healthy Rich podcast and You Don't Need a Budget book Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Food rules, pop culture messaging, pressure, and the demonization of certain foods have huge impacts on the meals being eaten every day across the US. There is a better way to ensure we get the nutrition we need without beating ourselves up over the meals we eat. Dalina Soto, Your Latina Nutritionist, joins us for this eye-opening conversation. Join us! Show Highlights: Including your culture is an important part of nutrition. Racial bias, demonized foods (like white rice), and pop culture messaging Food IS fuel—but there’s more to it than nutrition! Rethinking your nutritional hierarchy Decision-making fatigue in meal planning Reevaluating the “food rules” we follow The “eating out” vs. “buying more groceries” dilemma for American families Dalina’s top tips for quick meals and easy hacks (An air fryer saves the day!) We, as women, put much of the pressure around nutrition on ourselves. Dealing with kids: the key is to keep offering new fruits and vegetables The beauty in finding a good nutritionist who doesn’t demonize cultural foods Dalina’s new book, coming in March: The Latina Anti-Diet Resources and Links: Connect with Dalina Soto: TikTok, Website, and The Latina Anti-Diet book Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sensory health goes far beyond discomfort with a scratchy fabric or loud noises. If you are not familiar with sensory health, this episode will be full of new concepts and revelations for you. You WILL realize how important sensory health is for each of us! My guest is Virginia Spielmann, an occupational therapist who did a TEDx Talk on this topic. She explains sensory health, why it’s important, and how it matters in every area of life. Join us to learn more! Show Highlights: Virginia’s background and journey to her work today Sensory health: “how” we feel, what we do with it, and why it connects to everything about our psychological well-being Understanding sensory health as the bridge between mental and physical health Active lifestyles and exercise don’t look the same for everyone. Differences in sensory processing How we unintentionally gaslight our kids’ sensory reactions The importance of being curious as a parent Finding a balance between accommodating and exposure/growth Understanding systematic desensitization Comfort AND challenge—not comfort OR challenge The #1 intervention for improved mental health? Dance and other forms of big play An overview of the STAR Institute’s programs, services, and events Resources and Links: Connect with Virginia Spielmann and the STAR Institute: Website and TEDx Talk Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s topic arouses a host of different feelings and reactions around the term “pediatric obesity.” Dr. Karla Lester joins us to share her expertise as a medical professional and her perspective as a concerned parent. Discussing food and eating habits for us and our kids can send us down a rabbit hole with many tangents. Let’s get some balance and clarity in today’s episode. Show Highlights: Parents are victims of diet myths and bad science—and it carries over to our kids. Having food rules doesn’t mean a commitment to restrictive eating. How Dr. Karla came to the work she does today “Almond moms” and “thin privilege” in our society Fact: It is more difficult to navigate the world in a larger body, and parents fear this for their kids. Health myths that “almond moms” believe and pass on to their kids Does thinner always mean healthy? “No, you can be metabolically healthy, or unhealthy, at any weight.” Comorbidities between addictions and eating disorders Myths about obesity causing many health issues Understanding insulin resistance and its causes A look at the COVID-19 epidemic in a different light Resources and Links: Connect with Dr. Karla Lester: IME Community, Dr. Karla, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, and Dr. Karla's radio show Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Social anxiety is an interesting topic. Natasha Daniels is a social anxiety therapist and mom who joined us recently to discuss OCD and kids; today, we are exploring another form of anxiety as Natasha helps us understand social anxiety. She wrote a memoir, Out of My Shell, detailing her personal experience. Show Highlights: Natasha’s background, personal experience, and book about social anxiety The neuro-divergent affirming movement The difference between social anxiety and introversion Do we ALL have some degree of social anxiety? Thoughts on “bed rot,” social anxiety, and what’s “normal” Social anxiety as a defense mechanism The isolation that comes with social anxiety OCD, social anxiety, and autism—a common connection? “A paralyzing fear of others’ perceptions and a preoccupation with managing those perceptions” The difference between a defense mechanism and a personality trait An overview of Natasha’s experience with social anxiety and why she wrote her book Social anxiety is NOT a self-esteem issue. Outsmarting the negative critic in your head Dr. Kristin Neff’s concept of “fierce self-compassion,” which is “a feistiness of advocacy” Resources and Links: Future Fans:Helping little kids become BIG fans Connect with Natasha Daniels: Website (and book) and Instagram Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if our cities were designed with children participating in the process? What they would prioritize might surprise us all! My guest, Mara Mintzer, did a TEDx talk on the topic of including children in the city planning process, and she’s been involved in this kind of unique child-friendly endeavor in Boulder, Colorado, as the co-founder and Executive Director of Growing Up Boulder. Join us as we take a look at this topic! Show Highlights: Mara’s background and current role in Boulder, CO Public spaces aren’t often designed for children (and mothers). The United Nations guidelines for human rights for those under 18 years of age Wisdom from the tiniest voices about slowing down, enjoying the world around us, and noticing our experiences on life’s journey The Nature Everywhere Initiative in cities across the US Are we supporting kids’ development with our public spaces? The value in having culturally relevant third spaces for kids What would a teen-friendly park look like? Hearing the voices of many diverse groups that have been traditionally excluded Feedback from people about what they want in their communities Promoting involvement from kids to understand their issues and craft workable solutions A few unexpected things that kids want in their spaces The dilemma for parents in kid-friendly restaurants with “adult food” AND “kid food” More relaxed parenting in other countries and better work-life balance Resources and Links: Connect with Mara Mintzer: Growing Up Boulder Mentioned in this episode: The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How are your fighting skills? Most couples could use a LOT of work in this area, and I have just the person to help us! I’m thrilled to be joined by a great friend, Lindley Gentile, for today’s episode. She’s a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who recently wrote an ebook titled, How to Have the Best Fight of Your Life. Listen to our conversation about this thought-provoking topic and learn why looking for right and wrong is the WORST way to handle conflict. Show Highlights: Lindley’s motivation to write this book? Because many (most!) couples seek therapy around communication issues Fighting well leads to being seen well. The need to uplevel your fighting skill set beyond being “right or wrong” Ways in which we are fighting wrong Making the shift from arguing about who’s right to witnessing one another The fable of the elephant can teach us about being open to another’s experience. The value of “I” statements over “You” statements Withdrawing physically and emotionally during conflict vs. the skill of asking for a pause Fight, flight, or freeze The WWC framework: witness, witness, and collaborate Resources and Links: Connect with Lindley Gentile and Austin Couples Concierge: Website, Instagram, and book Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices