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There’s a coming tide Run and hide I open the door And out you slide You left my side Smiling from the outside With cocky pride You play with my head I don’t know where you are I don’t know where you are Just rewind and start again 1 2 3 ... 8 9 10 Just rewind and start again 1 2 3 … 8 9 10 Just rewind and start again What the fuck, I said “when” Just rewind and start again 1 2 3 … 8 9 10 Just rewind and start again And then Your legs were smoking Our hearts were broken Barely a word spoken You were never joking Your hair is gorgeous Your voice is torturous Go be enormous Sing in the chorus My nerves are shaking Our hearts are breaking Your lungs are aching The sex, maybe faking I wish I could unpromise And maybe unfuck you You were lucky to feel wanted You were lucky to feel wanted You fucking shit Go throw your fit And never admit You’re a hypocrite With wrists to slit Whisked to bits You never quit You soulless bitch I don’t care If you want me back You didn’t care When I was there You pulled my hair Had the affair Said your prayers With nasty a glare Now that I’ve had Some time away And a day of surprises On Vancouver Island It’s clear you hate me So I’ll make it worse Your suicide Doesn’t scare me I know that you’re hurting Believe me I’m hurting, too It wasn’t easy For me to leave And I never, ever Wanted to But pull the rip cord Start the mower Looking back Pull the rip cord Start the mower Looking back It was always over

There are times in life when Things break and can’t be fixed Hurts that can’t be undone Words that will always stick Where we can’t reset Even if we want to Even if we want to Even if we want to Say I find a box of Love letters in the garage Written to my better half But they aren’t from me Very, very recent In a French accent I can taste it on my tongue Like glitter in the classroom Dear rabbits Come and get me Dear rabbits Come and get me Come and get me I was so devastated You could’ve just killed me I can’t get passed the affection Dreams not about me I can taste it on my tongue Like glitter in the classroom Dear rabbits Come and get me Dear rabbits Come and get me Come and me Eve, by chance did you place a call from me to Bill for midnight California time? Golly, I forgot to tell you Yes, dear, you forgot all about it Mr. Sampson’s birthday, I couldn’t forget that. You’d never forgive me. As a matter of fact, I sent him a telegram myself. Now you’re in my room It’s late o’clock, after dark My ears won’t stop ringing My eyes are so tired You really shouldn’t be here Your arms are heavy I’m sick and I can’t breathe You’re sick, just leave I can taste it on my tongue Like glitter in the classroom Dear rabbits Come and get me Dear rabbits Come and get me Come and get me Come and get me Come and get me

BOOM Hearts break and people leave And sometimes we Don’t get over it So we blow our noses Call our friends And pretend Pretend BOOM It’s morning It’s morning It’s morning It’s morning Do we look good enough? Do we look good enough? For who? Who do we look Good enough for? For who? Who do we look Good enough for? For who? Who do we look Good enough for? For who? Who do we look Good enough for? For who? BOOM BOOM Hearts break and people leave And sometimes we Just get over it So we wipe Our eyeballs We’re all right After all After all After all After BOOM all

Enter my life in silence Rape my memories Bludgeon my shyness Smash my head up against the mirror Listen to me scream I am a bastard Abandon me, I’m your disgrace Scars on your pretentious name You hurt me, you are unjustified Eyes water but I will not cry You don’t seem to realize You made the monster Before your eyes Burst from the closet Swinging my surprise Take you to hell Before I die You don’t seem to realize You made the monster Before your eyes Burst from the closet Swinging my surprise Take you to hell Before I die You don’t seem to realize You made the monster Before your eyes Burst from the closet Swinging my surprise Take you to hell Before I die Exit your life in violence Hated your families Snubbed your kindness Cut you deep with a broken mirror Listen to your screams I am a bastard Pose with me on a video tape You don’t exist You have to be shaped Did you ever, really way down deep In the dark places of your hurt Have any compassionate feelings Any kind of love for me at all? You don’t seem to realize You made the monster Before your eyes Burst from the closet Swinging my surprise Take you to hell Before I die You don’t seem to realize You made the monster Before your eyes Burst from the closet Unveil my disguise Blood through a faucet I drink your insides You don’t seem to realize You made the monster Before your eyes Burst from the closet Unveil my disguise Blood through a faucet I drink your insides

50 lashes to the back Skin the flesh, expose the bone It’s the same as 15 minutes Where I’m at, dine on fact I travel alone Kneeling before the mirror So I can watch as I Eat myself alive With digested sap depriving my eyes I chew and swallow bitter pride And vomit up the man inside I vomit up the man inside I vomit up the man inside I vomit up the man inside I’m blood-soaked and gutted Graphically I don’t smile anymore With jugular in my teeth Anatomy across the floor Wallowing in a sticky pool Of my humiliation A tapeworm seething in shit Diluted determination Languid immolation I hate myself, I ate myself Blood for wine, hack the vines A tapeworm seething in shit A tapeworm seething in shit With digested sap depriving my eyes I chew and swallow bitter pride And vomit up the man inside I vomit up the man inside I vomit up the man inside I vomit up the man inside Words can only outline When I strip the arteries From their muscles Slather my plasma Upon my chest Feast on my ignominy Spoil what was a mind Spoil what was a mind That’s fine Spoil what was a mind That’s fine That’s fine That’s fine

There is no Alternative It used to be a choice How can there be an Alternative When we’re fed the same thing Every day? How can it be Alternative And on the Rick Dee’s 40 show? For there to be an alternative You need to have at least fucking Two One more than one An alternative dollar sign An alternative dollar sign An alternative dollar sign Just another fucking dollar sign An alternative dollar sign An alternative dollar sign Just another fucking Mainstream always wanted the underground Forget the life, we got the sound Live (sell) fast, die young Your Alternative wants some Everybody’s heard of Alternative That’ll be our next star The only thing Alternative About you is your silly name Now dump the sound, we got the look Gonna make a million and change Think of all that money And those credit cards An alternative dollar sign An alternative dollar sign Just another fucking dollar sign An alternative dollar sign An alternative dollar sign Just another fucking dollar sign An alternative An alternative what? I can appreciate the music Without cheetahs, goatees, and Dew Don’t you see, the money hungry Have assumed the image (obey) For our entire generation You are X You are X Snobs in their Tommy, it’s just a uniform Every one to the mall Red, white, and blue for all I wanna (gotta) conform You should see my trash bag It’s a Tommy I’m so cool An alternative dollar sign Just another fucking dollar sign An alternative dollar sign Just another fucking dollar sign An alternative dollar sign An alternative dollar sign Just another fucking Dollar sign I always hoped that someday The music would come to the front Now there’s a fucking hopeless waiting list Your Alternative wants some We can’t leave anything alone We can market this There is no Alternative It used to be a voice I can’t stand your Alternative Another fucking pre-packaged t-shirt Available at Walmart Or at your local landfill An alternative dollar sign Just another fucking dollar sign An alternative dollar sign Just another fucking dollar sign An alternative dollar sign An alternative dollar sign Just another fucking Dollar sign I’d rather listen to Classic Rock

> I come home from work and nobody’s here. I open the windows and hear the birds chirping. We’re never alone, peeps. ❤️ I was thinking about this more this morning, thinking of how limited I am when I live only in my own head, confine myself to only what I see in front of me. When I’m home alone I’m regularly reminded of my aloneness. The sounds of my feet on the whitewashed plywood bounce around the walls. Just the same as my thoughts bounce around in my own head. Existing at best in an echo chamber. Inside and out. Life is so much bigger than my dining room, than the four walls of my house. When I open the windows and expose my ears to something more…I remember that. I hear the wind in the trees with their leaves gently clapping. The birds singing to each other and that little puppy dog yapping next door. I hear the cars motoring to and fro and the neighbors living their lives just a stone’s throw away. Opening the windows brings those sounds inside, fills my space with the conviction that we’re never alone. There’s a life-force inside all of us that bonds us together just because we’re living beings. It doesn’t matter if we’re feathery birds or green oak leaves or frumpled, crumpled human beings or chatty puppy dogs. We’re all linked just because we are. A network of neurons each transmitting our pulses to one another in the global space. That’s almost too corny but whatever. The only thing I need to do is open the window to un-sever that connection. Sounds riding their waves. It’s a magical thing for the lonely soul. PS- it’s funny that I have access to the whole world by way of the internet. But when I sit on my phone my life feels small and shallow. When I open the window life is full and big. PS2- thank god for Spring. Winter makes me wanna fly over the cuckoo’s nest.

3:46 am: God, I am so sick of being awake. 6:37 am: Just because you stop talking about things doesn’t mean everything’s okay. An x-boss of mine and I would argue and argue about things. And we’d argue about the same kinds of things over and over again. Architecture, database modeling, how to reply to emails. Crap that was important for sure and some crap that wasn't. For the longest time I would back down because he was my boss and I worked for him, even if I felt that he was in the wrong. He wasn’t the healthiest tool in the shed. Not saying that I am either but I do try in earnest to balance on the spiritual beam. But somewhere along the way a switch flipped and I stopped caring about maintaining a happy, healthy relationship with that x-boss. I heard on a podcast not long ago that “people typically don’t just snap, they slowly spiral down, and then eventually give up.” Toward the end of my career with him, after we’d been arguing for a handful of minutes, we’d just stop. Because I wouldn’t back down when I thought he was wrong. And there would be no resolution or closure. Whatever difference we were having would just stay floating in the uneasy air, floating around the office like a fatalistic mist. I can count at least three times I walked out during an argument with him, walked clear out of the office, shaking in anger. And it always almost infuriated me when he would come into work the next day and act like nothing was wrong. Blue skies abound. Like that nothing had happened, that the afternoon before we weren’t both red faced yelling. I don’t know about you guys but I’m not the kind of person that can have a healthy relationship with someone if there isn’t closure. I know this stems from being too drunk and too passive for too long. I just can’t do it anymore. Untied shoes will trip me every time. Yeah, I can get along, maintain peace, be professional but fuck me being cordial when someone’s being outright jerky. It’s not about carrying resentments either. It’s about setting healthy boundaries. It’s me not participating in somebody’s stubborn, close minded bullshit. It’s about keeping my distance because assholes abound. If we don’t resolve our differences in the here and now, our personal connection will be broken. Not permanently, but presently. I subscribe to forgiveness and all that so I’m always willing to move forward with peaceful resolution. And I don’t like admitting when I’m wrong for sure. But when it comes to relationships and people that I care about my pride isn’t that important. It’s worth swallowing… 👍👍