The Hidden Mechanics of Conflict (And How to Fix Them)

The Hidden Mechanics of Conflict (And How to Fix Them)

From The Alignment Show by Donn King

February 13, 2026 · 1h 4m

About this episode

This episode explores the dynamics of conflict through the IAP Model, emphasizing the gap between intention and perception.

We’ve all had that moment. You walk away from a conversation thinking, How did that blow up so fast? Or worse, That’s not what I meant at all. In this episode of The Alignment Show , I sit down with Dr. Patricia Timerman Barbosa da Silva (known simply as Dr. T) to talk about what really happens between intention and perception. We recorded this conversation some months ago, and while a few references are time-stamped, the insights are anything but. What she shares here is timeless and deeply practical. Dr. T introduces what she calls the IAP Model — Intention, Action, Perception — a framework that helps explain why so many conflicts aren’t actually about the issue at hand. They’re about the gap between what we intend, what we do, and how it is received. If you’ve ever said, “You should have known what I meant,” this conversation may change how you approach your next difficult conversation. We explore: * Why silence rarely means what we assume it means * How “you always” and “you never” quietly escalate conflict * Why actions only “speak louder than words” when intentions are clear * How to interrupt destructive patterns before they spiral Dr. T brings both clinical expertise and…

People in this episode

Host: Donn King

Guest: Dr. Patricia Timerman Barbosa da Silva

Topics covered

  • conflict resolution
  • communication
  • intention vs perception
  • IAP Model
  • personal development

Keywords

  • conflict
  • communication
  • IAP Model
  • intention
  • perception
  • action
  • psychotherapy

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