The Autistic VOICE Project

Matt and Erin are wrapping up Season 1 of The Autistic VOICE Project this week — and after 48 episodes, they’re talking honestly about burnout, sustainability, community, and what it takes to keep showing up as Autistic people doing work they care about.We cover:Why we're taking a summer break and what autistic burnout actually looks like in real lifeEnergy accounting, reducing barriers, and finding ways to make daily life more sustainableThe difference between stopping completely and intentionally cutting back before burnout gets worseWhy asking for help can be part of healthy community careBuilding a podcast without burning ourselves out financially, emotionally, or physicallyIdeas for Patreon, merch, sponsors, and ways listeners can help support the future of the showUpcoming plans for Season 2, including new guests from the Autistic community, artists, and creatorsAlso: leaking foundation walls, Prius appreciation, shampoo-bodywash-conditioner "all-in-one goo," PBS pledge drive energy, dethroning Joe Rogan, Dan Aykroyd's elusive guest appearance, Star Wars memes, Godzilla sponsorship dreams, and Bob from Topeka.We're taking the summer to rest, regroup, and build something more sustainable behind the scenes. Thank you for listening, sharing, and being part of this community.We'll see you in August.

Matt and Erin are back for another mailbag episode — and this one gets deeply personal. From losing an “anchor person” to navigating autistic grief, relationships, PDA parenting, and co-regulation, this episode explores what happens when the people who help hold our world together are suddenly gone or overwhelmed. It’s vulnerable, funny, heartbreaking, and very, very autistic.We cover:Why autistic grief can feel like losing your “internal compass” — not just a loved oneHow partners, friends, and safe people often function as essential disability supportsThe fear, disorientation, and loneliness that can come after losing an “anchor person”Matt and Erin’s personal experiences with divorce, loss, burnout, and rebuilding stabilityPDA parenting, “dueling gremlins,” and how co-regulation creates room for flexibilityWhy autistic love is often rooted in safety, routine, and nervous system reliefTransformers, Doctor Who, fountains, art galaxies, chicken nuggets, and the sacred role of biscuits and gravyAlso: the loneliest whale in the ocean, emotional support toast, “people…” as a replacement swear word, and Matt casually admitting he’d probably make a good spicy audiobook narrator.

This episode gets into perimenopause through an autistic lens—what it actually feels like, why it hits differently in autistic bodies, and how little real guidance exists. Matt, Erin, and Eleda talk through the biology, the lived experience, and the frustration of trying to make sense of something that affects so many people but still isn’t well understood—especially when you add autism into the mix.We cover:How sensory differences can amplify menopause symptoms (hot flashes, sweat, fatigue, migraines) into something much more intenseThe overlap between hormones, histamines, and autoimmune conditions—and why everything can spike at onceThe lack of research, missed diagnoses, and why so many autistic people are left figuring this out on their ownReal, often overlooked symptoms (phantom smells, joint pain, anxiety surges) and what it’s like not knowing what’s happening to your bodyWhat it takes to advocate for care, find informed providers, and experiment with supports like HRTThere’s no clean roadmap here. Just real talk, shared experience, and a starting point for conversations we should’ve been having a long time ago.

Matt and Erin are joined by Eleda Towle, an Autistic store owner whose lifelong focus on model horses turned into a business—and a gathering place for other Autistic people. This one moves the way Autistic conversations often do: tangents, deep dives, and a lot of “wait, that connects to this.”It’s about discovery, community, and what happens when people finally find their thing—and their people.We cover:Eleda’s late autism discovery at 52—and the moment everything started to make senseBuilding a business around monotropic focus (yes, plastic horses) and accidentally creating Autistic community spaceWhy Autistic conversations “maze” instead of staying linear—and why that’s not a problem to fixThe deep (and very real) Autistic roots of toy culture—from model horses to My Little Pony loreIntrinsic motivation, PDA, and why “just try harder” doesn’t work for Autistic peopleSelf-directed learning, reward systems, and a nonprofit using play to support neurodivergent kidsSide note: yes, we go from horses → Ninja Turtles → Brainspotting → electric towers → taxes → government frustration… and it all makes sense if you’re following the thread. That’s the point.This is what it sounds like when autistic people talk to each other. A little chaotic. Very real. And honestly, kind of the best way to understand how our brains actually work.

Matt, Erin, and guest Jamie Roberts sit down to talk about autistic teen girls—the ones who get missed, mislabeled, and pushed through systems that don’t fit. This is about what’s actually happening underneath the behaviors adults dismiss.Highlights:Why teen girls are overlooked in diagnosis—especially when they’re labeled with anxiety, depression, or “typical teen behavior” instead of being understood as neurodivergentHarm reduction as a real, non-shaming approach to self-harm—what it is, why it works, and how teens use pain to regulate overwhelming or absent emotionsThe pressure to conform during adolescence—and how masking, school systems, and social expectations create impossible standards for autistic teensWe also get into sensory needs, emotional regulation, and why “just deal with it” isn’t a skill—it’s a setup. Plus: tangents on capitalism, school systems, and the quiet ways autonomy gets denied to teens (especially girls).

Matt and Erin take this one straight on: why autism “awareness” looks the way it does—and who built it that way.This is about power, bad science, and what happens when non-autistic voices control the narrative.Highlights from this episode:• Why outdated theories (like “lack of theory of mind”) still shape diagnosis, services, and public understanding—and why they don’t actually hold up in real autistic lives• How research built on young, white, cis boys created a distorted definition of autism that leaves most people out• The difference between self-identification and medical diagnosis—and why one is about knowing yourself, while the other is about access and gatekeeping• How capitalism shows up in autism: “functioning levels,” ABA, productivity, and who gets labeled valuable (yeah… we go there)• What gets missed when clinicians only trust what they can observe—and ignore lived experience entirely• Real examples of how autistic joy (like deep interests and repetition) gets mislabeled as a problem instead of understood as regulation and meaning• Why listening to autistic people isn’t optional—it’s the only way this starts to make senseThere’s also some real talk about burnout in the field, misdiagnosis, and the quiet harm of “bad reports” written inside broken systems.And yeah—this one gets a little chaotic (on purpose). Because the system is chaotic. And trying to force simple answers onto complex autistic lives? That’s part of the problem.

This week’s episode happened fast. Matt and Erin pulled in returning guest Dr. Kade Sharp to talk through a situation unfolding in real time—and why it matters far beyond one state.We talk about the sudden policy in Kansas invalidating driver’s licenses for many trans people, what that actually means in everyday life, and why community support and mutual aid matter right now.Highlights from the episode:What the Kansas policy means in practice—how invalidating IDs can affect driving, voting, pharmacy access, and safety for trans peopleThe overlap between autistic and trans communities, and how systems often gatekeep gender-affirming care through letters, bureaucracy, and barriersPractical ways to help: mutual aid, organizations like Rainbow Sanctuary and the Resilience Postcard Project, and how allies can show up even without moneySide note:This episode moves between serious policy discussion and very real Autistic tangents—because that’s how conversations actually work. We talk about activism, community care, workplace small talk scripts, reality TV social games, and why sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is simple: show up, support people, and make sure nobody is facing this stuff alone.Resources Mentioned in This Episode:Autistic Connections: Available on Facebook and Discord, Autistic Connections is a community space where listeners can connect and continue conversations.Rainbow Sanctuary (Emporia, Kansas): Queer-led multi-faith sanctuary supporting LGBTQ+ people and organizing practical support for trans residents affected by recent policies.Resilience Postcard Project: Community effort sending supportive postcards and messages to trans people and trans youth who may be isolated or unsafe.https://transresiliencestudy.com/resilience-postcard-project/ACLU: Civil liberties organization currently involved in legal challenges related to discriminatory policies.https://www.aclu.orgPFLAG: Longstanding advocacy and support organization for LGBTQ+ people and their families.https://pflag.orgVan Ethan Levy Gender-Affirming Care Training and Provider List: Training and provider directory for clinicians who write gender-affirming care letters with reduced gatekeeping.https://www.dosomethingidentities.orgAces Up Your Sleeve Podcast: Podcast co-hosted by Kade Sharp focused on sexuality, neurodivergence, and identity.https://neurokink.org/auysBonus Resources:These weren't mentioned in the show, but came to our attention afterwards. Since we want folks to have as many resources as possible, here they are.Trans Continental Pipeline: Volunteer network helping trans people relocate to safer states, including housing coordination and relocation support with a focus on Colorado.https://tcpipeline.org/Trans Continental Pipeline – Additional Relocation Projects: Page listing partner relocation efforts helping trans people move to states beyond Colorado when safety or legal access to care is threatened.https://tcpipeline.org/notco/

Matt, Erin, and returning guest Kate McNulty are back — and this one moves from burnout to shame to safety, with stops at birds, clocks, and emotional support cheese.We’re talking about what happens when your spark goes out… and how to find it again without shaming yourself into motion.We cover:• How to rebuild momentum in burnout — from “skip a step” strategies to using curiosity as fuel• What shame actually is, how it forms in dysregulated relationships, and why it disconnects us from safety• Fawning, appeasement, and nervous system survival — and why victims aren’t “choosing” compliance• Why reclaiming autistic joy, collections, and special interests is resistance — not selfishnessThere’s honest conversation here about re-parenting yourself while raising autistic kids, being shamed for what you love, and why honoring your natural cycles matters more than burning out in glory.If you’re feeling stuck, flat, or ashamed of the very things that light you up, this one’s for you.And yes — we still want to see the cats in cosplay.

This week is a mailbag episode, and Erin and Matt take on two common questions from allistic listeners that come up constantly in real life. Both questions sound simple. Neither one is.Episode highlights:If ABA is harmful, does that mean all discipline or behaviorism is bad — and what discipline is actually forWhy punishment fails to teach, and how it damages trust, learning, and regulationThe difference between misbehavior driven by dysregulation vs. misunderstandingWhy discipline should mean teaching, modeling, and guiding — not control or complianceWhy Autistic people can be deeply literal and deeply sarcastic (aka snarkolepsy), and why that confuses people so muchAlso: this episode includes refrigerator magnets, cuckoo clocks, air fryers, AIC buttons for dogs, Amelia Bedelia logic, Hannah Gadsby wondering how she a box, and a penguin are related, Back to the Future, and a very firm rejection of authoritarian parenting. Matt and Erin don’t get to the rest of the mailbag — including PDA — because these two questions needed the space they took. And honestly, that’s kind of the point.Note from Erin:If you're interested in getting started on AIC buttons with your animals, I highly recommend checking out Fluent.pet and HungerForWords.com. They have lots of great info and free resources, even if you don't buy their buttons.Some of my favorite button-pushers to watch:Elsie at Elsie wants... (Human: Mary Robinette Kowal who is an incredible human all-around, but also happens to be a Hugo Award-winning author, celebrated narrator, and professional puppeteer)Twiggy, Odin and Freya at Twiggy and her Cat Cat Friends (Human: Janine Marie Skunk, talking about how she got started here)Bunny at What About Bunny (Human: Alexis Devine, who is also one of our Autistic neurokin! She tells her story and Bunny's in the book, I Am Bunny)And, we can't forget the O.G. of interspecies button learning - Stella at Hunger4Words (Human: Christina Hunger, the speech and language pathologist who first noticed the similarities between her puppy and the pre-language toddlers she was working with. You can learn more about Stella's learning process in the book How Stella Learned to Talk)

This week’s episode is heavy. Matt and Erin slow things down to talk plainly about safety, community, and what it means to stay human when systems built on control and cruelty become more visible. This is a grounding conversation about fear, responsibility, and why autistic ways of seeing the world matter right now.We cover:What it feels like to live under threat — and why many white autistic people are only now feeling what Black and Indigenous communities have lived with for generationsWhy autistic justice sensitivity, bottom-up processing, and pattern recognition make this moment especially destabilizing (and clarifying)Balancing staying informed with protecting your nervous system — including permission to rest, dissociate, distract, and come backCommunity vs. rugged individualism: why survival has always been collective, not transactionalPractical ways to engage that don’t require burning yourself out (calls, mutual aid, creative support, resource-sharing)Repair, accountability, and why changing your mind actually matters — but only if you do the workAlso: snowstorms, go-bags, echolalia, Batman canon, Abed as an autistic icon, consensual licking (yes, really), and a reminder that you don’t have to do everything — just something, when you can.Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. That’s not fluff. That’s the point.

Matt and Erin are joined this week by longtime colleague and friend of the show, Maisie Soetantyo—an openly autistic, multiply neurodivergent advocate with decades inside the autism service system. This episode is a slow, honest unpacking of what it means to start inside ABA, believe you’re helping, and then realize the system itself is doing harm.We talk about visible “progress,” invisible trauma, and the moment when following the protocol stops making sense—especially when you’re autistic yourself and keep asking why. This one ends on a cliffhanger, because it has to.Highlights from this episode:Maisie’s early work in ABA at UCLA, why it looked effective at first, and what those “successes” missed What happens when compliance replaces connection—and why masking is demanded from both autistic kids and therapists The long-term impact of training kids to be invisible, including burnout, shutdowns, and after-school collapse Moral injury, burnout, and why so many well-intentioned providers eventually walk away Parenting autistic kids after leaving ABA, including sensory-specific eating, regulation, and respecting a real “no” We stop here on purpose.Part two is about what comes after—what actually supports autistic people across a lifespan, and how unlearning the system is sometimes the most important work.

Matt and Erin are back this week with returning guest Arielle of Dance Life Studio and Fitness, and the conversation goes exactly where Autistic conversations tend to go: movement, joy, systems that don’t fit us, and what actually helps people thrive.We talk about belly dance, autistic nervous systems, and why building a life that works for your body isn’t indulgent—it’s survival.In this episode, we cover:*Growing up with an autism-affirming secure base, masking as a survival skill (not a moral failure), and why the problem was never the kidBelly dance as stimming, regulation, and community—movement hunger, finishing the stress cycle, and why joy matters as much as recoveryAccommodations, cinnamon metaphors, and how “the world won’t accommodate you” is usually just unexamined trauma talkingTeaching and moving in ways that work for autistic bodies, including hypermobility, EDS, chronic pain, and seated adaptationsCulture, colonization, and why understanding the roots of art—and not selling orientalist fantasy—actually deepens connectionAlso: finger cymbals, butthole jokes as a legitimate teaching tool, autistic euphoria, “this is the cutest day of my life” energy, and a reminder that if you can move any part of your skeleton, you can dance.Everyone in the Autistic community is welcome here.

Matt and Erin are back just before Christmas, talking honestly about why the holidays are often overwhelming instead of joyful for Autistic people. This episode names the stress, the sensory overload, and the impossible expectations—and offers realistic ways to get through it. Highlights of the episode:Why the holidays are a perfect storm of sensory overload, social pressure, and emotional burnoutFood expectations, texture aversions, and why chicken nuggets, fries, and safe foods count as real holiday mealsPDA, demand overload, and why traditions don’t get easier just because they’re “traditions”Navigating toxic, racist, or unsafe family dynamics—and when not going is the healthiest optionPractical survival strategies: leaving early, doing dishes to escape conversation, and creating sensory retreat spacesWhat to do if you’re alone during the holidays, including online connection, pets, comfort media, and making the day your ownAlong the way: Charlie Brown as autistic canon, green bean casserole slander, potatoes as a reliable food group, Bluetooth meat thermometers, and a reminder that you’re not imagining how hard this season can be. There’s no right way to do the holidays—only what actually works for you.