The Coaching Question

We explore a deceptively subtle but powerful distinction: the difference between reflective practice and reflexive practice in coaching.Most coaches are trained to reflect. Fewer develop the capacity to be reflexive.This conversation unpacks why that matters - and how reflexivity represents a deeper layer of professional and personal maturity.If this episode sparked reflection (or reflexivity), we’d love to hear your thoughts.And if you found it valuable, please review and share!

We explore why taking your time at the start of a coaching session is one of the most powerful, and most frequently overlooked, skills in coaching. We unpack the common tendency for coaches, especially those under pressure or early in their practice, to leap toward solutions the moment a client states a goal. Through rich metaphors like the tandem bicycle, the pencil sharpener, and the Bake Off proving drawer, we show how deeper exploration at the outset creates clarity, focus, and stronger outcomes.We link this slow, spacious beginning to the ICF competencies, highlighting why establishing and maintaining agreements requires more than simply naming a topic. The conversation also touches on the psychological drivers behind the rush to “get going,” including the TA hurry-up driver and the unconscious desire to appear helpful. We share our three practical tips, as well as personal practices that help us stay grounded and intentional, from mindfulness to checking our internal drivers. It’s a thoughtful, encouraging conversation for any coach wanting to strengthen presence, clarity, and quality in their sessions.Resources:Nancy Kline, “Time to Think” & “More Time to Think” (especially helpful for more experienced coaches)Claire Pedrick / 3D Coaching, Metaphors and practices for sharpening focus and staying client-ledEmma Donaldson-Feilder & Liz Hall, Relational Mindfulness ProgrammePaul Heardman, Article on supervision from a constellationist perspective in Coaching at Work

In this episode we unpack contracting as a living, multi-layered practice rather than a one-time formality.We explore three distinct levels of contracting:Administrative – The essentials: when and where sessions happen, confidentiality agreements, cancellation terms, fees, and note-taking.Professional – Clarifying goals, purpose, scope, and whether to involve other parties such as a line manager or HR.Psychological – The unspoken relational agreements, unconscious patterns, and “felt sense” of the coaching space.Drawing on real-world examples, we show how unconscious dynamics - such as parent-child patterns - can affect the work, and why Always Be Contracting (ABC) is such a useful mantra. We discuss practical ways to keep contracts alive, including naming ruptures in the relationship and agreeing upfront how to address them.We also delve into psychological distance between coach, coachee, and organisational stakeholders, using the concept of the three cornered contract from Julie Hay. Rarely an equal-sided triangle, the shape reflects engagement levels and potential for collusion.We discuss multi-stakeholder contracting: bringing all key parties (coach, coachee, sponsor/HR) together at the start and ideally again mid-way and at the end, to align on purpose, roles, confidentiality, and progress. If you’ve only seen contracting as a tick-box exercise, this episode might change your view, and your practice.Resources: Three levels of contracting Contracting in team coaching

In this episode we explore how psychodynamic concepts like projection, shadow, and transference show up in coaching. These unconscious patterns can distort the coaching relationship, making reflective practice essential for staying present and effective.We highlight the role of supervision in spotting these dynamics, supporting coaches normatively, formatively, and restoratively. Parallel process - when patterns in coaching mirror the client’s wider context - can offer powerful insights.We share three practical tools to deepen self-awareness and strengthen client work.

In this episode, we discuss the often-overlooked topic of endings in coaching relationships. This is an update to a special we did when Gregor’s Coaching At Work article was published but we’ve updated and expanded on our thinking since. So we’ve explored  how endings can impact both coaches and clients, offering practical insights and tips on how to approach this significant stage of the coaching process.Also, we reflect on how clients may struggle with letting go of the coaching relationship and how coaches can approach this phase with care and thoughtfulness. We talk about how integrating measurable outcomes into the coaching process—such as reviewing achievements and impact with clients—can be a valuable part of a coaching practice. Touched upon is the importance of thinking about coaching as a process that impacts not just the individual, but the team, clients, and suppliers. We recommend exploring the broader effects of the coaching work and how those ripple effects can inform future coaching endeavours.We share our 3 top tips on ending coaching engagements.Resources: Rachael Hanley-Browne https://www.rh-b.com/ Article Gregor co-authored in Coaching At Work magazine: https://www.coaching-at-work.com/2022/04/29/finishing-touches/Previous episode on endings if you really want it! https://the-coaching-question.captivate.fm/episode/how-do-we-best-end-coaching-engagements 

In this episode, we explore the dynamics of "inside-out" versus "outside-in" coaching approaches and how these impact sustainable transformation for leaders.We discuss the nuanced process of recognising when clients are ready for deeper, reflective work and using "safe experiments" to help leaders overcome resistance and embrace deeper transformationTouching on frameworks like Immunity to Change, we highlight the importance of creating space for reflection, especially in high-pressure roles. We also delve into the evolving journey of coaches themselves, offering valuable insights for anyone aiming to lead from a place of authenticity and resilience.Resources:Forbes article on Inside Out Leadership: How Leading From The ‘Inside Out’ Transforms Lives, Work Cultures And Businesses Forbes article on Stoic Leadership: Stoic Lessons For A Successful Leadership MindsetBook: ​​One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way by Robert Maurer

In this episode, we explore the highly relevant topic of overwhelm and how this shows up in coaching, especially with senior leaders.We talk about developmental fallback and the need for leaders to be aware of their internal states and triggers, especially during times of stress, So they can avoid reverting to less resourceful behaviours. This is also something coaches need to be aware of to meet their coachees at the appropriate level. We discuss the value of taking the time to resource yourself, and paying attention to preparedness, so you can be less reactive to your environment and increase your effectiveness as a leader. You’re in charge of your environment, not vice versa. We also touch on practical strategies for reflection, including structured journaling to help leaders become more trigger-aware. We share the power of breathwork as a free, accessible tool for managing stress and enhancing focus. Tune in for actionable insights encouraging personal growth and effective leadership in challenging times.You will notice that this season has a slightly different format of a more casual conversation, perhaps the kind you might have during coaching supervision - we hope you like it!Resources:Article: Leaders and overwhelmVideo: Above and below the line

In this episode of the Transactional Analysis series of The Coaching Question Podcast, we explore how we might apply TA in our coaching practice using a new fictional case study of a client called Adam.Adam has recently been promoted to his first 'Manager of Manager' role, struggles to say no, delegate, deal with poor performance and is at danger of burning out. Building on the previous episode, we explore his behavioural drivers and using his challenges as a lens, we illustrate the practical application of TA. We share how generating awareness of Driver behaviour leads to clients becoming more aware of the choices they have available to them, rather than sticking with automatic behaviour that their early experiences have taught them.Listen to this episode to understand more about how TA can add value to coaching challenges and reflect on your own possible triggers and beliefs. References:The Leadership Pipeline is covered in Season 1, Episode 2Feedback and FeedForward are covered in Season 2, Episode 2Vertical Development episode is covered in Season 2, Episode 9The functional model is described by Samantha Kynaston hereWare sequence

In this episode, we dive into the practical application of TA in a coaching scenario using a fictional character Alicia, who represents a typical client struggling with saying no, setting and maintaining boundaries, resulting in potential burnout. With Alicia as a fictional case study, we discuss how we might support her as Executive Coaches skilled in applying TA to our work. Building on the PAC model shared in an earlier episode, we use TA to identify possible triggers that might move Alicia into her child ego state when she feels lacking in confidence. We then talk about the importance of becoming trigger aware and managing one's state to shift into the adult ego state. We touch on the challenge of working with deeply embedded patterns and how this can be sensitively done within a coaching relationship.We mention the Feedforward process developed by Marshall Goldsmith and compared with feedback it is generative and focused on the future rather than the past. Listen to this episode to understand how the PAC model can be practically applied to a coaching topic, and how our client’s experiences earlier in life can affect their behaviour in the here and now. Resources:https://marshallgoldsmith.com/articles/try-feedforward-instead-feedback/

In this first episode of Season 4 of The Coaching Question, we introduce the theme of the season - Transactional Analysis (TA) and its application in coaching.We find that TA offers a valuable lens for coaching, and in this episode we briefly share some of the core ideas offered by TA and highlight how these can support clients to deepen their self-awareness and gain new insights.Listen to this episode to understand where TA is positioned in relation to other coaching approaches. We share our perspective on the nature of TA, which encompasses both psychodynamic and in-the-moment techniques. TA reflects the importance of how behaviours learned and decisions taken in the past influence our behaviours and actions in the present. Given that TA involves an element of acknowledging the past, we also clarify the distinction between coaching and therapy.You’ll learn how TA can be practically applied in coaching sessions as we introduce the concept of the Parent-Adult-Child ego states, and how, by raising awareness of these in coaching, clients gain insights into their patterns of behaviour. Transactional Analysis offers a very valuable framework for coaching, helping clients to gain self-awareness, challenge limiting beliefs, and develop new strategies for personal growth.

In this episode we consider the relevance of leaders integrating coaching skills into their day-to-day work. We reflect on coaching as a mindset and an approach, which can be seen in the way they behave. We discuss some examples of coaching skills that a leader may begin to introduce to their repertoire, such as developing a coaching presence, creating space for others to think, active listening and demonstrating curiosity.Coaching is highlighted by McKinsey as the number one skill citizens will need in the future of work. Listen in to this episode if you are interested in learning more about cultivating a coaching style of leadership in your organisation. Resources:Mckinsey article - “Defining the skills citizens will need in the future world of work”: https://www.mckinsey.com/industries/public-and-social-sector/our-insights/defining-the-skills-citizens-will-need-in-the-future-world-of-workLogical levels of learning: https://www.skillsyouneed.com/lead/logical-levels.htmlReference for Nancy Kline’s Time To Think Pairs process: https://cdn.southampton.ac.uk/assets/imported/transforms/content-block/UsefulDownloads_Download/BE99E9F85CF5447B8537AE3625B93814/Instructions-Thinking-Pairs.pdfWAIT acronym - Why Am I Talking?

In this episode we sit down with Anna Carus-Wilson of Frank Partners. Anna is a professional actor who works with leaders in business and we wanted to talk to her about the work that she does, and explore the parallels with our work as coaches. Frank Partners are a team of highly skilled facilitators and coaches who bring the practical, playful, resilient and creative nature of the rehearsal room into the business world. They have a particular specialism in helping people to become more confident, brave and skilled communicators through their workshops and one to one work.Given that much of our work as coaches is about working with our clients to develop their impact, presence, credibility, leadership and communication, we knew there would be some similarities in the work we do. We share stories as we explore how both actors and coaches create safe environments in which people can experiment and rehearse conversations, receive feedback and deepen their self awareness. We also conclude that just as actors are often improvising in the moment, coaches dance in the moment with their clients moving alongside them wherever they go - also a form of improvisation.As coaches there is much that we can learn from actors, and for HR practitioners, there is huge value to be gained from moving towards more experiential and challenging behaviour change programmes.  About Anna Carus-Wilson:Anna is one of the founders of Frank Partners alongside Neil Bett, and like all of the Frank team is a professional actor by background and training. She works with clients like Nike, Vodafone, Dyson, Burberry and News UK to create bespoke programs that help people communicate better. Resources:Patsy Rodenberg - 2nd Circle: https://youtu.be/Ub27yeXKUTY

Onboarding is an area in which coaching can play a crucial role in supporting the successful transition of a senior leader. So often, organisations focus on the selection and assessment of the new hire, but the importance of setting that new hire up for success can be easily overlooked.In this episode we interview Gillian Frame, an executive coach who does a lot of work in this space. There are many insights and observations that Gillian shares about the process of joining a new organisational culture. The key things for leaders to consider as they adjust to the demands of the role, the expectations of stakeholder and themselves and the way in which they establish themselves in the role.Listen in to this episode if you are interested in how coaching can support transitions, specifically onboarding and a successful first 90 days in a new role.About Gillian Frame:Gill has been coaching in business for over 20 years. She works regularly with people who are preparing themselves to move into a new role or new organisation. Aside from coaching, she has a long standing bread-making habit and likes to feel creative by practicing her silver jewellery making and taking photographs, particularly of mushrooms and fungus.  ResourcesThe First 90 Days by Michael Watkins - https://www.amazon.co.uk/First-Days-Updated-Expanded-Strategies/dp/1422188612 HBR – Onboarding a new leader – remotely: https://hbr.org/2020/05/onboarding-a-new-leader-remotely HBR When do we really need face-to-face interactions: https://hbr.org/search?search_type=search-all&term=Michael+watkins+hybrid