The Dad & Daughter Connection

This week on the "Dad and Daughter Connection" podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with John Francis, founder of Father's Eve and proud dad of two daughters, for a heartfelt conversation on what it truly takes to connect with our daughters and nurture their growth into confident, independent women. Whether you're a first-time dad or a seasoned parent looking for fresh inspiration, this episode is packed with wisdom, real-life stories, and actionable advice that will resonate long after you listen. One of the central themes of this episode is vulnerability. John Francis recounts a powerful moment when he allowed his daughters to see him grieve and express emotion about the loss of his own father—a memory that not only brought the family closer but gave his daughters permission to be honest about their feelings as well. As Dr. Christopher Lewis highlights, modeling vulnerability to our daughters breaks down barriers, opens up deeper connections, and provides a living example that it's okay to be real and open as men. The show also explores the importance of intentional parenting. John Francis emphasizes being truly present, stepping away from the "helicopter" parenting style, and letting kids learn through natural consequences 05:27. By designing his work and life to allow for more time with his children, he's witnessed the value of being available and engaged throughout their childhood—something he encourages all dads to strive for. Perhaps most touching are the actionable ideas shared: from creating regular one-on-one time with each daughter, to writing handwritten letters at major milestones, John Francis offers practical ways to strengthen bonds during both the joyful and challenging times. He's candid about his own parenting mistakes, revealing how seeking family therapy and learning patience have helped him foster a healthier, happier home environment. Finally, don't miss the inspiring story behind Father's Eve—a growing movement that gives dads a special night to connect, share, and celebrate each other just before Father's Day. John Francis invites all fathers to get involved ("It's fun, it's free, it's everywhere!") and reminds us that being a great dad is about showing up, listening, and always striving to grow. If you're looking for encouragement or practical tips for your own fatherhood journey, tune in to this episode of the "Dad and Daughter Connection"—and start building the relationship your daughter will cherish for years to come. Listen now! If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X. TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together on these relationships, relationships that you want to build with your daughter. And it is a journey because each one of us is on a journey to be able to become the best dad that we want to be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:09]: But on top of that, we have to put in the time, the effort to be able to build those solid relationships, because the relationship between a father and a daughter is a really important one, and you and I both know that. But we have to be present, we have to be in it to win it, and we have to be willing to learn and to grow to be able to become the dads that we want to be. And that's why this podcast exists every week. I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences to be able to have them share some of their own journey in being a dad to a daughter. And today we got another great guest. John Francis is with us, and John is the founder of Father's Eve, or we're going to be talking about Father's Eve, because Father's Eve is coming up here in not too long. And. But even more important, he is a father of two daughters, so we're going to be talking about his own relationship and experiences with his daughters, as well as what he's done with Father's Eve, and I'm really excited to have him here. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:05]: Thanks so much for being here, John. John Francis [00:02:06]: Thank you. I appreciate it, Christopher. I'm glad to be here and be on your podcast. I love it. Thank you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:12]: Well, I'm really excited to be able to have you here today, and I appreciate you being here. To be honest, John has been on podcasts with me for many years. We. I've had him on a couple of other podcasts along the way, so I always love being able to reconnect with John. And this time we're going to be talking about a few different things in regards to your relationship with your daughters. I guess the first. First question that I love to start these conversations with is, as you think about the relationship that you've had with your daughters, what's one of the most meaningful moments that you've been able to share with each of your daughters and what made it so special? John Francis [00:02:47]: Wow, that's a really good question. Hard to think about just one or the most. I'll think about something. I guess what's coming to my mind is they've seen me be vulnerable in a personal way, and I just remember the look on their face. I was having a memory about my dad. I lost my dad when I was 26, and I lost my brother just a few years later when I was 29, before I ever got married and well, before I ever had kids. And we were at home one day and I don't know what we were talking about. It might have been my dad's birthday or a holiday or something. John Francis [00:03:19]: And I was telling stories about my dad and how much I missed him and the sadness and the grief. And I can feel it now just thinking about it. I teared up and I was. Let it out, you know, just let it. I didn't stifle it. I just said, you know, I gotta let this out. And. And it was fine. John Francis [00:03:35]: It was natural and appropriate. And I think I've learned how to. That's living experience, let that happen. And. And they weren't little, but they were young. But they were old enough to see that, gee, that dad doesn't do that very often. And we talked about it kind of in the moment and then a little bit after, and I felt good about it because I think they realized that, oh, wow, it's okay, look, here's our dad. And we have typical kind of household environment here. John Francis [00:04:00]: But anyway, it was a moment where they saw me as regular, real human who has emotion and can express them. And it's not always just, rah, rah, let's go crazy. Was here's dad really dealing with grief over his father? And anyway, it was a meaningful moment. And I remember in the moment thinking, I'm gonna just do this and let it happen and talk about it because I want them to see it. So it was intentional, but I was intentionally natural. I don't know if that makes any sense. I didn't stifle it. I think a lot of guys, or a lot of maybe in the past I would have Said, well, you know what, we're going to talk about something else or move on or I wouldn't hold it. John Francis [00:04:35]: But I. Anyway, I feel like that was a meaningful moment and I. We all kind of grew together and an understanding that it's okay to be real and be emotional and express that, especially when you're together with your family. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:47]: It is really important because so many times men have a tendency to compartmentalize and we don't always share things. And I've said over and over again on this podcast the importance of being vulnerable and showing our daughters that men can be vulnerable and pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones in that way. Because ultimately, as you found as well, you're going to find that that vulnerability opens you up and your daughters up to more connection and that becomes even more important in the end. John Francis [00:05:20]: Yeah, I agree 100%. I can think of a few other moments that we've had that were meaningful, but maybe not in the same sense. But I'm a lucky guy that I've been able to. I designed my lifestyle, frankly, to be able to work from home when my kids were little and when they were old enough to start paying attention, I was really able to be full present as a dad, engaged at their schools and involved in their lives. Not helicopter snowplow parents, but fully available and to the point where it was like, well, that's just normal. Doesn't everyone have mom and dad who kind of do this? And then when they were old enough to realize that, boy, that's not common. Not every mom and dad have this kind of availability, I'll call it. So it was intentional for me and I'm just so grateful because we've got that kind of connection and relationship and I think it was good for all of us. John Francis [00:06:09]: And I'm just grateful to be able to make the choice and. And conscious enough to make the choice, you know, because a lot of guys just aren't, aren't, aren't thinking about it that way. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:22]: You know, now every one of us as fathers want to be able to do what we can to be able to help our daughters to become who they're becoming. How did you balance guiding your daughters while still giving them the independence to grow into the people that they inevitably becoming? John Francis [00:06:43]: Well, that's another great question. I don't know that a lot of it was really conscious, but I think that what's coming through my mind is there were moments where I let them learn a lesson where I didn't just solve the problem or I didn't make Them see the problem. I let them just experience what I'll call natural consequences to different situations, good and bad, not to shield them or protect them from reality. And I think, honestly, my girls have learned to handle themselves and handle situations. They've got tremendous confidence and. And they are interesting. You know, they know who they are and what they want, and they're not afraid. And I think a lot of that confidence came from letting them just be who they are and solve their, whatever problems in life. John Francis [00:07:26]: I mean, not that I wasn't. I was there, but it was more or less an approach of just letting them experience life on their own terms. And they're very different. Of course. Every child is different. Even though they're siblings and they grew up in the same era, in the same house and, you know, at the same time, but they're both very different and different situations with each daughter. I can think of a few moments where it's like they get it, you know, you can see kind of the connection made or the light bulb goes off. And then I might talk about it the next day or a couple days later and say, you know, what happened there? Here's what I saw. John Francis [00:07:57]: And then let them recognize there was a lesson and they pick that up. One more opportunity to learn. We're all learning, and I'm still learning, that's for sure. But I think it was having the ability to just stay calm. That's something I learned too. For me as a dad, early on, patience was not a strength, it was a weakness. And someone pointed it out, a friend of mine and my wife, frankly. And I'm like, oh, man, you're right. John Francis [00:08:20]: I didn't see it. But once I had the feedback, I recognized, wow, I need to develop more patience. This is nuts. Why would I react the way I, you know, and so that became a practice and I got much better at it. And. And I think that made a huge impact in the environment and just the stress level, because I didn't want to be that. That angry or overreactive or snap temper kind of thing. That's not who I am. John Francis [00:08:42]: It's not who I want to be. And that's not the dad I want. Because I believe daughters, they grow up, and if you're dad, I mean, you become the example that they look for in their lives. And so I wanted to be the best version of myself to whatever degree I'm capable of. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:58]: I think that what you're saying is we have to be intentional about the things that we do, and we need to be able to Think about that as we're working with our daughters and, and some of it is intentional and it's conscious and some of it's intentional but unconscious as well. And I guess as you think about intentional things that you've done, what are some intentional ways you've worked? Strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during those challenging times as they were growing up. And you know, because it's not always easy. John Francis [00:09:26]: No, nothing's easy, man. I know that something someone suggested to me two things that come to my mind. One is create some one on one time with each child separately. And so I would take them maybe on an overnight, on a short trip somewhere, or even to our family shares a lake home, which is fabulous. We go and do things just together, just the two of us, either one or the other, but not all of us at the same time. And that one on one time was very valuable. And getting them away from home, away from the family, away from their friends and just where they kind of have to have a conversation because you're together in the car. We didn't go anywhere. John Francis [00:10:03]: I mean it wasn't like a real big deal. But creating those one on one opportunities at different moments. And I've seen guys that do like an annual father daughter trip, which I think could be a really cool idea. I never got that far, but I think that's kind of a neat routine to build if you can. But for me it was having those one on one intentional, short, I would say departure from home. We weren't like an ordinary environment where you have all the usual distractions and I work from home. So that was primarily for me because if I'm home, that's where I'm going to be. That's one thing. John Francis [00:10:35]: The other thing someone recommended or I read somewhere, you know, I try to read and learn everywhere I go. And one of the other recommendations was write your daughter a letter at certain milestones in life and handwrite it, you know, not typed, but you might organize your thoughts and talk about what do you feel, how do you see them, what are you proud of, what do you hope for them, what are your dreams or whatever. I know it's not a novel, it's a few pages, but I've written them. My girls are older now, so the first milestone I figured that out was when they graduated high school because that's clearly a big milestone. So I wrote each daughter a letter just from me to them saying, you know, as you're graduating high school, I want to just share with you my thoughts about you and all the things you want to share. And so I put some thought into what to say and all the way back from the moment you were born, and some of the highlights or low lights or some of the lessons learned, and it's not a recap of their whole life or anything, but it's more about how I feel about them. And the idea is that there's something you can give to them that they can hold on to. And everybody knows in the, you know, years from now, when you're long gone, they might have that letter to go back and reflect and say, well, you know, I remember my dad this way because he was able to share with me these thoughts or these perspectives. John Francis [00:11:46]: So I've done that, and I intend to keep doing that at those milestone moments. And I just think I wish my dad wrote letters to all of us. I'm one of five kids, so he wrote letters to us before he died, but sadly, he knew he was dying. I mean, he had cancer for a long time. It was slow. So as he was fighting and fighting and fighting. And then finally, at the end, about the last three or four months, he started writing. And my mom, they were together, and she's like, what are you writing? And he says, I'm writing letters. John Francis [00:12:14]: You'll read them later. So he wrote a letter to the whole family, and then he wrote a letter to each of us. And that's quite a gift, so I'm grateful for that. And then, like I said, reading, the suggestion was, hey, hey, dad. You know, your daughter, she's only this age for a little while, and in the long life that she's got, how do you want her to remember you? You can create some of these milestones that could be real meaningful. So, anyway, that's something I've learned and I've tried to do, and it's certainly simple and costs almost nothing, but it takes some time and effort, and that's probably the hardest part, but it's so worth it. And then they read it, and then we talk about it if they want, but they've got it. And so I feel like that's. John Francis [00:12:53]: I can't give them everything, but I can give them that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:56]: Now, none of us as dads are perfect. We're fallible. You know, we are humans, and we do make mistakes. And for you, as you're thinking about your daughters and helping to raise your daughters, what's a mistake that you made as a father and what did you learn from it? About fostering a positive connection with your daughters? John Francis [00:13:16]: Which one? Yes. I gotta Think of one that's maybe relevant. I'm thinking about each girl. They're so different. So with my older daughter, probably a mistake that I made early on when she was probably early teens, preteen maybe, and things were going crazy. Her relationship with her mother, my lovely wife, they had some challenges, and they didn't see things the same way in a lot of ways. And my attitude was, I'm going to defend my wife first. So that's what I thought was the right thing to do. John Francis [00:13:47]: And so that's what I did. And it created a bit of a gap, I would say, with my daughter, because she recognized that, oh, okay, you're siding with mom every time. And so she responded her own way. And that, you know, I mean, that's the dynamic. Later, years later, our family. I insisted that we go together as a family to family counseling, family therapist. I said, we're happy, we're not miserable, but I know we can be more happy. And when I was a kid, my family went through some family therapy. John Francis [00:14:15]: One of my sisters, I have three sisters. One of my sisters went through chemical dependency, rehab treatment and pushed. Our whole family went through therapy because of that, and which was fantastic. It was sad for a lot of reasons, but it was really helpful for a lot of reasons because that therapy cleared up a lot of things that we were all unconscious to. So I had an appreciation for a good therapist. Years later, we went through some family therapy. Again, nothing really dramatic, but useful stuff. And some of this came out, and I started seeing how that really wasn't maybe the best option all the time. John Francis [00:14:46]: And so I learned a lesson from that. And we talked about it, and we talked through it and. And kind of resolved it. And it's like, well, okay, I can see why you did what you did, and I can see what you've learned. And it was me, her learning as much as I was learning, and same as my wife was learning. We're all in this room together, and so it's fascinating, I think, to just experience that. And we never had a bad relationship, but the relationship became much more clear and better after that because we all understood things just more clearly. And I think that's where a good therapist is really valuable. John Francis [00:15:21]: And I'm glad we did that. And I expect we'll do it again if we feel the need. Right? Because why wouldn't you, if you can live a happier, better, calm, more healthy environment and relationships that we all want that. So that's one thing I learned. I'm thinking about my other daughter with her, there are several. I can think of plenty of times where she was really mad at me, things I said or did that were not helpful. I think probably there I learned patience and understanding where her behavior was frustrating to me, and I might say something that was trying to provoke a response that really wasn't useful, wasn't healthy, and really just made her more mad. And then probably in that same therapy, kind of talk about those things and realize that, okay, that's not smart. John Francis [00:16:03]: That's not what I was trying to do, and that's not what I want to do going forward. So learning more patience and then being a little more tolerant, I guess, of letting her do what she needs to do, even if it's not what I think she should do or what I want her to do. But it's not risky or dangerous. So just support her and let her do her thing. So I think I've learned that. Again, my girls, they're not. Well, they're both adults, so they're not young ladies, but they got plenty of life ahead of them. And God willing, so do I. John Francis [00:16:31]: I'm sure we'll have more lessons along the way is what I'm trying to say. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:34]: It definitely happens throughout I their life and our life. We're going to have to kind of ebb and flow in that regard. Now, I mentioned that you are the founder of Father's Eve, and Father's Eve is coming up. And I guess, first and foremost, why don't you tell me a little bit about Father's Eve and why you chose to start this event for dads in conjunction with Father's Day. John Francis [00:16:57]: Well, thank you. Father's Eve, of course, is the day really, the night before Father's Day, we've got Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. And so I invented Father's Eve Eve because I love Father's Day. I love being a dad. It's the most important thing I'll ever do is raise some children. And so Father's Day is for the dads and families to celebrate, but Father's Eve is just for the dads. So we call it like a national Dad's Night Out. And this year it'll be June 20, 2026. John Francis [00:17:25]: Of course, it's Saturday because Father's Day Sunday. And honestly, it started as an accident of the calendar. When the Great Recession came through in 2009 and 10, we had an opportunity to move to a different house. So we did. And the house was nice, but the garage was terrible. So I had a new garage built at that House. And I wanted to show off my garage, basically to invite my buddies over and say, check out this garage, because it was pretty nice. And it turned out the only night available was that Saturday. John Francis [00:17:56]: And I didn't have really a lot of free time. It must have been a busy summer. And so I said, well, we'll just have a little get together in the garage and I'm going to call it Father's Eve. Because that's just kind of funny, right? It was sort of a joke. Well, a bunch of guys showed up and it turned out we had a great time, right? No children, no women, really nothing to it. Music was just a little too loud. It was perfect. I mean, it was just guys hanging out in a garage, kind of an inauguration or a christening of a new garage. John Francis [00:18:24]: And we had so much fun. We said, well, we got to do this again. And so we did it again and it had to be Father's Eve now. We said, well, that's. This worked out great, so let's do it again. So we did it the second year, but doubled, right? More guys showed up and more friends of mine. And just different people were coming together back in the same garage. And this time we added food and some games and we were a little more prepared and organized. John Francis [00:18:46]: Well, the third year we did Father's Eve, there were guys coming that I didn't know, which I thought was great. This means my buddies are bringing their buddies, more friends are bringing more friends because they're having so much fun. And it was still just all guys, very low key, no program, no speech, no nothing. Just show up and hang out and let's get together. And celebrating fatherhood is kind of the tagline. So someone challenged me to say, what are you going to do with this Father's Eve? Why don't you do some good? So the third year, I guess the fourth year, we outgrew the garage. We moved it to a bar and we made it a fundraiser for two charities. We split the money as a fundraiser and we raised $10,000 and got some publicity, got some media, had some friends, some. John Francis [00:19:26]: Some of my good, smart friends who were able to help me with the food and events. And we ran an auction. We got some media attention. We put in a cornhole tournament to have some fun with it. And it turned into something a little more I ever expected. And so the next year, that was 2015, was sort of the first official organized. We had a logo, we sold T shirts. We were having some fun with it. John Francis [00:19:49]: The next year, I went to the DAD 2.0 conference, which was sort of a media influencer thing, which I had no clue what I was doing, but I thought, well, see what we can do. And I met the guys from City Dad's group and I met the guys from the national At Home Dad Network network. And I'm like, where have you guys been my whole life I've been out here doing my thing all alone, on my own, figuring it out. And now I realize there's groups all around the country. Well, I had no idea. So started the City Dads chapter here in Minnesota, the Twin Cities Dads group, as an affiliate or whatever their thing was. And great guys, great, lot of fun. And so it kind of took off from there. John Francis [00:20:26]: We license it, I trademarked it and we license it for free. So Father's Eve is fun, it's free and it's, we say it's everywhere. So we kept doing it. Cities and volunteers pop up all over the country and host Father's Eve events at their, in their backyard and their, their local bar or restaurant or a church or school or a club or. We've done it all over the place and had quite a bit of fun with it. Some guys do fundraisers, guys have done golf tournaments. One guy did a poker tournament that seemed like a lot of fun. Some do fundraisers for local charities. John Francis [00:20:57]: We're not a charity, so we don't want the money. We want. If you're going to do it, raise the money and give it to someone else, someone who can do some good. Local nonprofit profit is usually what we recommend. Or for the At Home Dad Network is a good group. We collaborated with, really anybody, anyone who we thought was in alignment of let's help dads be better dads. I mean that's really the common denominator. Trying to help each other figure this out. John Francis [00:21:20]: So Father's Eve now, this year we'll probably have it in 30 or 40 cities around the country. We do a virtual toast. We learned something from COVID when, when that came around and, and it pushed us online. So we do an online zoom. And the fun part, Chris, you know this Father's Eve, we do a countdown toast at 8 o' clock. So people know on New Year's Eve you gotta wait till midnight to do the countdown. 10, 9, 8. The whole thing at midnight on Father's Eve, we back that up to 8 o'. John Francis [00:21:49]: Clock. Because I want to go home by 9:30. Man, I don't want to see midnight. It's Father's Day the next day. I want to be well rested. So we do a 8 o' clock countdown toast in East Coast, Central time, Mountain time and Pacific time, the four continental US Time zones. We go online and we get guys zooming in from all over the country, up and down the different time zones. It's really kind of fun. John Francis [00:22:12]: And they, they click, they connect. So it's like, you might be like, where I am in Minnesota, we're Central time. So we'll see guys from Minnesota, Chicago, Dallas, Kansas City, you know, up and down our time zone. But we of course start early for the east coast guys. We want to see them and all way from New York to Carolinas and Florida and whatever. Anyway, we do it four times online, so guys can join us anywhere and zoom in. And there's no fee, there's no credit card number, there's nothing. You just show up and if you want to say something, say something. John Francis [00:22:42]: If you don't, you don't. Nobody really minds it. The expectations are pretty low. It's. It's just show up and maybe you'll learn something, maybe you share something. You have some games and activities and anyway, it's loosely organized. I'll say a bunch of volunteers having a good time. My strategy, there's not a lot to it, but the goal is to have dads connect. John Francis [00:23:01]: And we say we connect, share and celebrate fatherhood. And I tell you what I've learned over the years is if I can help somebody, just be a little more intentional or a little more conscious of how important fatherhood is and being that dad, you know, being the father is biological. Being the dad is much more. So we focus on trying to do whatever we can to help each other be a better husband, be a better father, be a better partner. And we welcome every dad, all the dads, really anyone. We're very inclusive and there's really no agenda. We're not selling anything, we're not promoting anything. We're not saving anyone. John Francis [00:23:36]: We're not solving any problems. We're just there to get together and try to help each other and support each other. And what I'm learning now is really what I would say, alleviating isolation. I think a lot of guys, especially older guys, forget how to make friends and they don't get out in circulation. I'm a lucky guy. I've got friends. We go snowmobiling and fishing and work. And I get around the country and do my thing, but a lot of guys don't. John Francis [00:24:01]: And so this is a real easy open door. Come on out and celebrate Father's Eve. Whether it's in real life at a local event nearby, or whether you join us online and maybe you make connections somewhere or learn something about one of these groups or organizations that I didn't know about, but I sure wish I did when my kids were little. And there's always something new and interesting. And so it's just kind of that sort of a connection point, I guess, is really the goal. I'm trying to be that the, the common denominator for all the dads. You know, we can all celebrate Father's Eve and really have no agenda. But anyway, thanks for letting me bring it up. John Francis [00:24:36]: Obviously I can talk about this for hours, but we're glad to do it and it's been a lot of fun and we're still learning, we're still growing, but it is, it's been meaningful and I think it's a lot more room to improve always. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:47]: Now, if people are interested, they're hearing this, they're saying to themselves, hey, I'd like to have a get together in my area for, for dads like this. John Francis [00:24:56]: This. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:56]: Talk to me about what they would need to do to be able to do that, to get signed up and to be able to be a part of the fun. John Francis [00:25:02]: Well, Father's Eve is the website. There's no apostrophe, right? Because it's not possessive, it's. It's plural, right? It's for everybody. So some grammar teacher told me that. Where's the apostrophe? I'm like, well, I didn't trademark it with an apostrophe. So it's Father's Eve.com and we're on all the whatever socials. I don't know how to do tick tock, so I don't think we're there. But anyway, not hard to find. John Francis [00:25:24]: And there's five rules for Father's Eve. This is super easy. Number one, keep it clean. This is not a bachelor party. This is not a frat party. This is not let's go crazy, right? It's have a good time. I would say it's PG13, whatever, but keep it clean. That's rule number one. John Francis [00:25:39]: Number two, it's for the dads, and that means all the dad. It's not really a family event, although you can do it that way if you want. We're not rigid, really, but it's inclusive. So dads, divorced dads, single dads, granddads, gay dads, kids, trans dads. We'll welcome anybody, whoever. If you want to celebrate fathers, we want you to be with us. So number two is all the dads. Number three is you got to have something to do, some kind of an activity or engagement. John Francis [00:26:06]: A lot of guys just have a barbecue and sit around a table and just talk. That's fine. We do a bags tournament with the cornhole because I can hold a beer in one hand and throw the bags with the other hand. So that's pretty fun. Something to do. And so you gotta Anything, anything, Something interesting to do. That's number three. Number four is work together. John Francis [00:26:25]: We do a Facebook page for the hosts. We call them event hosts. There is a private page. I want to talk to you and share with you what I've learned and what. We have some tools and some simple stuff for guys who want to organize a little more and promote themselves a little bit, but work together. We want to know what you're doing, and we want to help you do it better and have better results. And then rule number five is don't screw it up. Don't be that guy that does something stupid and wrecks it for all of us. John Francis [00:26:50]: So none of this involves any. Any fee. It's really all just common sense. And we're trying to build a movement, we're trying to build a group. We've got social media, we've got an email, we send a newsletter. It's not complicated. The goal is to get this thing big enough that maybe someday we'll get a sponsor. Someone wants to be the official fill in the blank of Father's Eve. John Francis [00:27:11]: I could think of a lot of things. I'd like to be affiliated with a lot of organizations. And if we get big enough where it's attractive and we have enough. Enough activity or engagement, then there's some economic value that I think if we made any real money, we. All we would do is promote ourselves even more and have bigger events and even more fun and try to reach more people, which is really the goal. If we can reach more of the dads out there, and there's new dads, there's old dads, there's about to be dads, There's. We can learn from each other and share ideas. And that's really the goal. John Francis [00:27:43]: So Father's Eve is fun. It's free. It's everywhere. There. Hit the website, click the link. There's an agreement there. There's a trademark, a license agreement, but it's free. There's no fees, no nothing there. John Francis [00:27:54]: We. I guess we do sell a T shirt. If you want a T shirt or coffee mug, you can buy that. But we're not big on the merch, but someone said, why wouldn't you sell a coffee cup or whatever? So. But it's pretty simple, Chris. Part of the fun is I get to talk to these guys. I want to know who you are and what you're up to and what your plans are, and then I want to help you and see if I can make your event even more fun and more successful so I get to know these people. And over the years, I've made some great guys that are doing Father's Eve, and some guys have been doing it year after year after year. John Francis [00:28:22]: I think Chicago, I think they're on, like, I want to say, 10 plus years. I think they've been doing it. Some of the other cities around the country, it's same guys, same groups, and they have quite large events. It's fascinating to see what they're doing. And that's really what it's all about, is just keep it simple and have some fun. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:38]: Well, we always finish our interviews what I like to call our dad connections. Six. Six more questions. The devil. A little bit more into you as a dad. Are you ready? John Francis [00:28:47]: I'll try. I'll do my best. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:48]: What's one word that describes your relationship with your daughters? John Francis [00:28:53]: Loving. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:53]: What's the best piece of dad advice you've ever received? John Francis [00:28:57]: Parent the child you have, not the child you wish you had. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:02]: What's one activity that you and each of your daughters love doing together? John Francis [00:29:06]: We love being on the water, on the lake, at the cabin. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:09]: If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be? John Francis [00:29:15]: Be very careful of who you choose as a life partner because it's 80% of your happiness or misery in life. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:24]: What's one thing you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad? John Francis [00:29:28]: Life is so much more interesting as a parent. It's a whole new dimension of possibilities and growth and meaningful life. I love it. I can't imagine not being a dad. Dad. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:40]: And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? John Francis [00:29:48]: Learn how to be patient and really learn how to listen. Those things are easy to say, but they're really hard to do consistently. But I've tried and I've gotten better, and there's always room for more. But patience and what do they say? Active listening, really being present. There's no other way. I think that's the starter for any kind of meaningful relationship. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:09]: Well, John, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being on the show today. Thank you for sharing about your own journey with your daughters as well as all the amazing things that you're doing with Father's Eve. I wish you all the best as you get ready for the next Father's Eve. And as always, I really appreciate your time and everything that you've shared today. I wish you the best. John Francis [00:30:30]: Thank you, Chris. I appreciate it very much. Thank you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:33]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to be build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect, it's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs. Musical Outro Performer [00:31:04]: We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can be.

What does it really mean to be a great dad to a daughter? The latest episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection digs deep into this all-important question. Host Dr. Christopher Lewis, joined by guest Mitesh Khatri—Melbourne father, writer, and corporate strategist—explores the daily challenges, triumphs, and small yet powerful moments that shape our relationships with our daughters. A central theme of the conversation is the importance of being truly present. As Mitesh Khatri candidly shares, simply being in the room is not enough; it's about showing up emotionally and giving your attention, especially during routines like bedtime or unstructured play. One meaningful moment he describes is when his young daughter told him to "stop rushing me." This wake-up call led him to rethink how often stress and distraction rob us of precious connection—and how even "routine" moments can become the foundation of trust and closeness. The episode also explores the challenge of balancing professional ambitions with family life. Mitesh Khatri discusses how corporate careers often offer clear metrics of success—promotions, projects, and accolades—whereas fatherhood can feel less measurable. The takeaway? We must create our own scorecards within our families: counting moments of connection, presence, and patience as real victories. Perhaps most powerfully, the episode underscores the need for vulnerability. Mitesh Khatri opens up about his struggles with stress, his journey to calm his nervous system, and his realization that anger often masks deeper feelings like disappointment or sadness. He introduces practical strategies—like pausing before reacting and honest journaling—to help break generational cycles and model healthier emotional regulation for our daughters. For dads who worry about not getting it right, Mitesh Khatri says it's not about perfection, but about trying. He advocates for intentionality, ongoing learning, and talking openly with other dads. As host Dr. Christopher Lewis reminds listeners, "being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present." If you're searching for practical insight and heartfelt stories on building meaningful father-daughter relationships, this is one episode you shouldn't miss. Tune in to The Dad and Daughter Connection for real conversations that will leave you inspired to show up, connect, and be the dad she needs. Listen now and start building your own toolkit for intentional, loving fatherhood. TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there, it's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to delve a little bit deeper and into the relationships that you want to build with your kids. And I love that you're here. Every week you're here, you've rolled up your sleeves. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:08]: You are doing what you can to be able to show up for your daughters in so many different ways. And that's why this show exists. This show exists to help you to be that dad that you want to be. And I try to bring you different people, different people with different experiences every week to allow for you to be able to learn something new, to gain some tools for your toolbox that can help you to be able to be that dad. Today we've got another great guest. Mitesh Khatri is with us today. And Mitesh is a father from Melbourne, Australia. He's got two kids himself and we're going to focus on his daughter, but he also has a son and we're going to learn a little bit more about him and I'm really excited to have him here. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]: Mitesh, thanks so much for being here today. Mitesh Khatri [00:01:53]: Thank you so much, Christopher. And really appreciate all the work you do for fatherhood and dads and daughter in this connection. This podcast is fantastic. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:01]: Well, I really appreciate that you're here today and we're going to talk about a new book that you have out to help fathers in many different ways as well. But. But we always start our interviews talking a little bit about you as a dad and especially as a dad to a daughter. And I know you've got a six year old daughter and I am really excited to be able to delve a little bit deeper. And I guess as you're thinking about your relationship with your daughter, what's one of the most meaningful mom that you've been able to share with your daughter, what made it so special? Mitesh Khatri [00:02:28]: Yeah, I think one of my most meaningful moments has definitely been the bedtime routine. I think it's been really. Because it's come from a moment where it wasn't the best moment for me. So, you know, there was a time when I was completely stressed out. Two young kids, and my daughter was four. My son was five and a half. And I remember my son is quite direct. But my daughter, she is more subtle in her ways of expressing her emotions. Mitesh Khatri [00:02:54]: And she said to me one night, and as I was putting her to bed, four years old, looked up to me and said, you know, stop rushing me. Those three words, I just froze. And she wasn't being difficult. I was trying to get through the routine. Please put on your pajamas, brush your teeth, go to the bathroom, read a book or two, or cut it short. I was stressed, I was depleted, and I didn't want to be there in the room mentally, even though, you know, my beautiful daughter was just asking me to be there and to actually be present with her. And we talk about present all the time. I hear it on your podcast. Mitesh Khatri [00:03:23]: It's all be present. It's so difficult to do. You can't think yourself to be present in the moment. You physically can sometimes not be able to be present, and your mind is rushing and your body is not allowing you to do that. So it was quite a low moment. But today, when I look at it, it's one of the most beautiful times I have, is to put her to sleep every day, read her books, that routine, the cuddle she gives. And I look at her now, she's six years old, just turned in April. We take time with that routine, and I really cherish that time. Mitesh Khatri [00:03:51]: Is she's so sweet and she has the cutest smile and the cuddles and kisses you get at that time, you think, well, you know, I'm never going to get this back. And she's only going to be this age, like this, this moment. So we have to make the most of it, because they do fade. I hear it from people with older children. You have clearly girls that have grown up. You have to appreciate that. And so I think my best moments, they're around the bedtime routine because you get to talk about the day. You get to talk about what they really enjoyed, what they liked in the day, what they didn't and might do differently. Mitesh Khatri [00:04:21]: And it's really sort of deep, meaningful connections which you might not get it. Sort of school pickup. How was your day? Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:26]: So talk to me a little bit about that transition that you had to go through because just hearing those three words, you can't switch on a dime. You definitely have to go through a process for yourself to, I'm going to say, reinvent yourself in many different ways to be able to change that paradigm for yourself. So talk to me a little bit about that and what you had to do to be able to make that shift. I'm guessing failing a few times along the way and then getting to the point where you are now. Mitesh Khatri [00:04:55]: Yeah, absolutely. I think, you know, what I found was I thought I could think myself to be present and calm. And actually I found at that point my, my body was tense. It was stressed out from work, stressed out from home work, life management, all things that new dads or sort of dads at least, I mean all dads, but especially with the young children, you have a lot of competing priorities. And I didn't think to look there, but actually looked to my body and I was tense in the shoulders, my back was hurting, I felt I was short of breath. Deadlines and emails and what's next for the kids in terms of what we need to take care of. And I had to go through a bit of journey to really understand how to relax my nervous system. Right. Mitesh Khatri [00:05:38]: Ultimately our. If we think back to sort of hunter gatherer times and we think about the threats we had, right? We always talk about the lion and we sort of have to run away from the lion, the threat, and then our sort of nervous system can calm down. In today's day and age, we all know with technology and the pace of life, there's almost this ambient stress and therefore our automatic nervous system actually never sort of calms down. So we need to be sort of this safe and secure place. Polyvagal theory sort of talks about this where you need to be safe and secure. The next stage is survival mode and then complete shutdown. And I think many of us, at least me at the time, I was at least in survival mode every day, if not shut down on every other day. And I had to get my body back and I had to sort of calm my body. Mitesh Khatri [00:06:25]: And I have a sort of framework in the book around how we can discharge that stress. And there's techniques and things you can learn to do. And I sort of had to learn how to do that and how to bring my body back to its irregular state. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:38]: And that's never easy. And I guess one thing that comes to mind is you and I talked at the very beginning that you're a busy guy, you have Your professional work, you're balancing that. You're balancing being a dad, you're balancing other things in your life. So talk to me about balance and how you've been able to find that optimal balance for yourself to be able to be the professional you want to be, the person you want to be, the father you want to be as you are today. Mitesh Khatri [00:07:04]: Yeah, I think balance is a very interesting word. Right. I think you have to really dig deep. If I sort of bring a parallel to corporate life, and I've been in corporate Life for like 20 years, helping organizations with complex jobs, blue chip organizations. I'm a sort of marketing corporate strategist, working in research and consulting. And, you know, we're helping brands launch new products and services and ensure they meet consumer needs and doing some complex work around that. And I was sort of succeeding in that sort of arena because I had the metrics to sort of measure and perhaps in the most important area of my life, my family and my children, I didn't have the metrics, I didn't have the measure, and I felt like I was failing. It always came sort of second. Mitesh Khatri [00:07:44]: And I think myself, and when I talk to other dads in the community and friends and colleagues, I find it's an easier thing to measure. So men sort of go towards things we can measure and we get that affirmation we're seeking from work. We get praised with it. And it's this scoreboard, I think, that we can easily track and see. When I think fatherhood's not so easy, it's in feelings, it's in moments, it's in those relationships where you can feel them. But you sort of. No one sort of celebrates the dad that comes home at 5pm on time to put his kids to sleep. But you do get the accolades and success at work when you succeed in your career. Mitesh Khatri [00:08:19]: And I'm not saying that we should sort of give up and forego our careers. I think it's. It's finding ways to measure things that matter. Those moments at home. So it might be the time that you don't actually have your phone on you and just. Just have unstructured play with your children. You're just getting on the floor. You're not in any structured piece of work or structured time is taking them to dance, taking to music, taking him to soccer practice. Mitesh Khatri [00:08:42]: You know, that's very structured. And kids need. Kids need that structure. But I think almost equally important or more important, they need that unstructured time. So I think when you can have those moments, you can say I've had 1, 2, 3, 4 moments this week where I've had really had unstructured time and play with my daughter. Whether we're doing teacups or playing with Barbie dolls or kicking the ball outside. Those are the measures of success that I just didn't have. I had all the traditional stuff, the KPIs that you get in your corporate life. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:10]: And there's always this push and pull when it comes to raising daughters. And as you are trying to raise your daughters, you're balancing, trying to guide your daughter while also giving her the independence to become the person that she's becoming. And I know she's still young, but I guess as she has been growing up. How do you balance that? How do you balance guiding your daughter while still giving her that independence? Mitesh Khatri [00:09:32]: Yeah, I think it's a really interesting one. I think kids in general, but daughters especially you are the model they're looking to when it comes to men right from a very young age age. So there's, there's that scanning they do of the environment to see how do you react to situations, how do you carry yourself when things get tough, how do you treat your partner, her mum, you know, how are you treating different women, how do you sort of interact, how do you talk to friends that are female, how do you just treat people in general? So I think they're modeling and learning of what a man should be. So I think you want to sort of help them with that. And in terms of independence, I think it really comes down to having honest, open conversations as much as you can for that age where you can really help them distinguish between right and wrong. What is the right kind thing to do and what is not so kind, what are the sort of right behaviors to be following? I guess. And one of the things I'm always mindful of is no one's a perfect father, but not moving straight from a stimulus like some sort of stressor, straight to anger. And I think we as men tend to do that, perhaps more when especially I was doing that quite a bit where I'd find myself, kids are running late to school, we need to go. Mitesh Khatri [00:10:41]: And I actually get really angry. It'd come out in the force in my voice. And then you sort of how it is, you tell your kids not to shout at the other one and that's what you're doing and that's the behavior and modeling. So I think modeling the right behavior is pretty critical. And that sort of journey of really understanding myself, modeling the right behaviors was pretty critical for Me for the last sort of two years. And, you know, recognizing that actually underneath that anger, it's actually not anger that we're feeling often. Maybe we're hurt because actually we really wanted to spend that hour playing with our daughters before they go to school. Maybe we're sad because. Mitesh Khatri [00:11:14]: Or disappointed because we wanted the morning to go a particular way and on time and not be late for something else. And we sort of go straight. We almost skip that emotion in between. Sadness, disappointment, hurt. Because I think we just weren't taught that. And therefore our daughters are learning that. They're modeling that as well. You know, when I get angry, I'll just. Mitesh Khatri [00:11:33]: I'll just go straight to voice, you know, raise my voice and actually not express my emotions. So I'm trying to say I'm hurt. I'm sorry I didn't do the right thing there. And I apologize. I felt really sad that we couldn't be on time because of these reasons. So it's trying to label the emotion and model that. But I think the independence thing is hard. I think you're always scanning the environment to go, how much do I let her go? How much do I pull her back in? Whether it's at parties, whether it's devices, whether it's certain foods she might be eating or whatever it is. Mitesh Khatri [00:12:02]: That's a tricky one. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:03]: Completely understand. And we never have all the right answers. I mean, we definitely do our best and we try our best to be the best people we can be, but we're flawed. Everybody is flawed in talking about that, I guess. What's the mistake that you've made as a father, and what did you learn about it, about fostering a positive connection with your daughter? Mitesh Khatri [00:12:22]: I think I've made lots of mistakes. Probably like many dads, we all make lots of mistakes. I think one potential mistake I've made my daughter, and it probably comes from being that almost pushy parent when it comes to activities in sports. So sports or music or whatever it is really pushing them, maybe pushing them too much as well. We're often projecting our own childhoods onto our kids. And they can lose the fun, you know, in what they're doing, whether it's dance or they're playing some sport or whatever it is, and I think you want them to do well. But I think it's also recognizing that they're just kids, you know, we're not sort of in the professional leagues. So I think I've really learned from that. Mitesh Khatri [00:13:02]: To not be the parent on the sideline shouting. I think it's encouraging your kids, but not in a way that's perhaps disrupting their sort of natural way to enjoy what they're doing, whether it's. Yeah. Dance or sport or whatever it is. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:16]: Now, as I mentioned, you've got a new book that's out there called the Fight or Father Using Calm to Stop Reacting and Start Connecting. As a author myself, I know that many times when you've got this idea in your head and you got this passion to be able to get these words out and trying to connect with your people that, that you go all in. But you definitely have to have a passion for it to get to that finish line. So give me the story of the book and tell. Talk to me about why. Why you decided to write it, why you decided to put the time, the effort and the passion into it to get it out into the world. Mitesh Khatri [00:13:52]: I never thought I'd be a writer myself, but I've always sort of been research and really, as I was saying to you earlier before we started, always very interested in why people do what they do and what drives our behavior, what motivates us. Right. So I mean, I'm the sort of tragic in the self help section looking at the next book and going, how can I learn from this? I wrote this book because I think modern fatherhood is really breaking men and the expectations have changed and you're supposed to be a provider and present with your kids. You're meant to be the breadwinner and also emotionally available. And no one really taught us. If we think about our father's generation, they didn't really teach us how to do that. Our fathers really had a role which was sacrifice, commit yourself and be the breadwinner and be respected at home and very traditional household. I guess I'm talking to. Mitesh Khatri [00:14:40]: And I think I see a lot of modern parents for really my sort of discoveries on this journey started about five years ago. Kids very young. I see a lot of dads just grinding through it, myself included, exhausted, distracted. We're snapping at our kids. We sort of promise ourselves we're going to do better tomorrow and. But deep down we know something's wrong, something's not working. We need better tools, we need better ways to parent and we know that it's a learning process at all. So I wrote this in almost a way to sort of say we can choose to fight and react and be in that sort of survival mode or shutdown mode when stresses hit with our kids, or we can choose a almost new way to father modern fatherhood. Mitesh Khatri [00:15:19]: I think it takes the best of what our fathers taught us. And it builds on that. And I think it builds on, you know, a lot of what you talk about, Christopher, is, is showing vulnerability. We need to show vulnerability to our children. We need to show not just the masculine side, but actually it's okay to get things wrong. And this is what you do to repair that. And I think, I'm sure there's lots of books that sort of talk to various things around that out there. I didn't see something targeted specifically at that aspect. Mitesh Khatri [00:15:45]: And therefore, yeah, really focused in my own journey of switching from a dad that was reacting all the time at his kids, didn't have the patience. As I said, my body was chronically stressed at the time. I put on weight and wasn't eating well. I was numbing pain through alcohol, etc. And it's not enough to just think yourself to a better version of yourself. You need tools, you need techniques. So I wrote the book and have got some practical techniques on what dads can do. You know, simple things like just having clear boundaries between work and home. Mitesh Khatri [00:16:18]: It's so difficult, particularly post Covid. Many of us are working home in hybrid sort of environments and it blurs. You have your kids next to you in the school holidays. We've got school holidays going on now. My son or daughter will work almost in the same room in a work mode. I might close the laptop, but still mentally be processing the emails that I haven't sent, the tasks I haven't done. So I think it's having those practices to say, you know, simple things, five seconds, where you might go, I'm home now, I've closed the laptop, let me show up. Or you might go wash your face or you might go change your clothes. Mitesh Khatri [00:16:48]: It's just physically doing something. You might do 20 star jumps. But you need that transition process and just one example from work to home. So that calm framework is really around that. So you clear your body of the stress. Firstly, you anchor yourself between work and home. So have a ritual around that. You lead with calm because kids follow your regulations. Mitesh Khatri [00:17:09]: You need to be calm and have techniques for that and model and repair is probably the most important part where when you get it wrong and you will like myself every day, there'll be something I do wrong, I need to admit to it and I need to label what that emotion is, which is then going into my vulnerable side, you know, it's going into really understanding what that emotion is, not just anger and then coming up with a repair, you know. So yeah, I just remember I Actually had an argument with my daughter. I was stressed this A couple of days ago. She wanted to play. She can we play. She likes doing tea parties and cafes in her room. And I didn't have the patient. And I just said to her, I'm really tired. Mitesh Khatri [00:17:47]: I'm stressed. I've had a long day and a hard day. And I shouted at you, is it okay if we start again? And she just looked at me and she said, okay, dad. And I think previously I would have just shouted and said, I'm not doing this, and it's time for bed. So I think. I think it's having those skills. It's. Firstly, I've been quite vulnerable in the book myself. Mitesh Khatri [00:18:04]: So, you know, I've had sort of beta readers say it's been quite difficult to read at times because they've seen themselves in it as well. So I think it'll. It'll definitely make you turn the mirror on yourself and analyze your own life, your own behaviors, and perhaps you'll pick a couple of techniques and tools that you can use to just be that modern father and not fight all the time. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:23]: And one of the things you write about in the book is being there, but not there. And many dads believe simply being physically present is enough. What helped you recognize the difference between proximity and true presence? And how can dads begin to see that difference in their own lives? Mitesh Khatri [00:18:42]: I like the bedtime routine with my daughter. It was actually that really broke me when she said, stop rushing me. And you really, you know, reflect on those things and try to make a change. And you don't always get it right. But my son said to me one day, he was on the, I think, kitchen table, dining table. I was scrolling on Instagram, you know, usual blur posts that we would normally go, just mindless, scrolling, doom scrolling. And Taj was nearby and he. I don't know what he was doing exactly. Mitesh Khatri [00:19:08]: And that was part of the problem. And without looking up, he said, you're always on your phone, dad. Not angry. He wasn't whining, just like matter of the fact. Like, he was describing the weather. And I looked at him and, you know, his face was soft. He was disappointed. He wasn't trying to start a fight with me about it, that he was just telling me the facts for what he saw. Mitesh Khatri [00:19:26]: And I said automatically, almost automatically, I'm not quite defensive. I just need to do this one thing. And clearly I was lying to him, right? I wasn't being honest. I was lying to him. I wasn't being honest to myself. I put the phone down in that moment and I felt my chest get tight and I had a little shake in my hands and I felt enormous guilt that he had just seen me more clearly than I had seen myself. And I think we've all been there and I think researchers, you know, we've heard this all the time, we hear about phones all the time. But technically interference. Mitesh Khatri [00:19:57]: Dr. Brandon Michael actually coined the term where seemingly sort of normal amounts of phone use during parent child time. It's actually linked to increased behavioral problems in children. So the screen time, not because of the screen time itself, but what it communicates like. You're not important to me. Right. Right now, in this moment, this is most important to me. We've all heard that before. Mitesh Khatri [00:20:18]: So that's what I mean by you're there, but you're not really there. You're in the room physically, but in your mind you're somewhere else. You're in another place, you're thinking about something else. You're not actually aware of your surroundings. You're not actually picking up the cues or the people in the room. So I think that in itself because it increases the behavioral problems and we see how much time we spend on our phones and screens. It's something which I've been much more conscious with. Now the phone goes on the charger. Mitesh Khatri [00:20:44]: Leave it there at 6pm in the evening. Sometimes I'll throw it upstairs in the bedroom in a drawer. Because when it's there we're just so automatic. We're so addicted to these devices that are in our pockets that are so powerful. So I think that's really what I mean. We're not there. And that can be a physical device, but it can also be actually we haven't decompressed from the day and we've got all the stress from work or so we're thinking about something else. We're actually not there with our family. Mitesh Khatri [00:21:08]: We're just unavailable and we're not in tuned with not engaging with them. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:12]: Now one of the other things that I read in the book was you talk about how many fathers suddenly hear their own dad's voice coming out of their mouths during those stressful moments that you kind of talked about. When that realization happens, what practical steps help a father pause long enough to break that generational pat? Mitesh Khatri [00:21:32]: Yeah, that is a real difficult one. I think. I think what I've done is pause for five seconds. So when you see your voice coming, and you might even hear, you might even see in your children yourself, then your father talking to you In a particular way, that is really difficult. And I think we have to appreciate everything they did for us in terms of sacrificing, building a life and opportunities for us, and appreciate all those things. But at the same time, they maybe didn't know how to deal with that stress or anxiety, anger. And when I say anger, it could be hurt, it could be disappointment, it could be sadness around something. So I think, you know, pausing, reflecting. Mitesh Khatri [00:22:10]: It's a lot of journaling. So the last five years, on and off, journaling, I haven't been as regular. But journaling on those moments where you know that you've almost automatically reacted in a way, and you can hear your father's voice, whether it's the harshness, whether it's the criticism, whether it was the absence of. Of a father. I think we tend to overcompensate from what we had or didn't have. And I think it's a lot of deep reflection that needs to be done. But I just encourage everyone to just pause, pause. You don't have to respond straight away to your kids. Mitesh Khatri [00:22:41]: You can pause for a couple of seconds, reflect, and actually sit with those thoughts. I think you got to do quite a bit of deep work and journal and plenty of services out there where you can talk to psychiatrists and psychologists and so forth to really understand the relationships with our parents. I think I'd also encourage if. If you can and your father's around, have a conversation with him, Talk to him about things that you really have a lot of gratitude for and the things you wish that he could have done better. I think those things, and it's not sort of pointing the finger or blaming anyone, it's just having those honest conversations. And I think you'd be surprised where that might take you as well. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:17]: It definitely is a journey. And a lot of times we're constantly trying to find new ways to be able to measure up as a dad. And we look around us and we think, oh, all these dads are doing better than we are. And there's almost that. As you talk in the book about that scorecard that we have in our book, about how we are grading ourself, how we're scoring ourselves, and you talk about rethinking that internal scorecard that we use to measure success. What are the most common invisible scorecards that you're seeing that fathers are running, and how do they quietly pull dads away from connection with their kids? But also, how can we change the script on those scorecards and allow for us to be able to look at that in a different way. Mitesh Khatri [00:24:03]: Yeah, I think that there's a powerful primary story here. We almost have this deep obligation we have to build, we have to secure, we have to work long hours. We have to sacrifice. Sacrifice is love. And love looks like a mortgage paid off, a fridge that's full, a future that's funded for the kids. And that is important, you know, and elements of that are really important. And it's a powerful story, and it has deep roots in human history, and male identity has been shaped by that. And I sort of talked about this a little bit earlier, earlier in the sense that fathers of men that do that, you know, they keep reinforcing that scorecard that exists. Mitesh Khatri [00:24:37]: So, you know, status follows the achievement. Respect comes with that success. The man is getting the promotion or close the deal or starting a new business and is an entrepreneur. They get admired. But we're not throwing the awards and accolades for the dad who's performing really well at home with his kids and actually teaching them about vulnerability, teaching them about how to regulate themselves, teaching them about how to show kindness and how to introduce themselves and respect others and be part of the community and. And, you know, have strong values and those sort of things. So I think men chase the thing that's being rewarded, and we pour ourselves into that, you know, into our careers and into our work, and then we don't have much left for the family. So. Mitesh Khatri [00:25:16]: And I think what fathers can do is have that sort of scorecard for themselves. So I have read sort of James Clear Atomic Habits, and, you know, we're all sort of creatures of habits. So in my diary that I physically write, I write time with my wife, specific things I want to do, time with my kids, specific activities, time for my exercise. And I tick those things off, right? So I'm not just my career ticks and successes, but actually, what are my goals for my relationship with my son, my relationship with my daughter, my wife? What are my goals? How am I working towards that and am I sharing those goals, what I'm trying to do? So I think almost like we have KPIs for work, if you have a team and you have some employees and you sort of evaluate them, you can't evaluate them on something you haven't actually given clear KPIs on. And I think it's hard to evaluate yourself on your family life if you're not clear on those KPIs as well, and your children as well. If you want them to respect other people and talk with kindness, then you need to Teach them that. So you need to sit down, maybe it's 10 minutes, maybe it's a couple of hours where you need to show them what kindness looks like. How do you actually talk to someone? How do you greet someone? You know, how do you leave a social situation in a respectful way? I think those things we don't measure and therefore we just think they just happen and get done. Mitesh Khatri [00:26:34]: I think, you know, the adult, the age old sort of saying what gets measured gets done in corporate life also matters in our personal life. And so we need to create those measures at home. And I don't really know what the perfect measures are. It might just be that I had a beautiful moment with my kid today, you know, have a box for that and it's a tick. So there were three nice things that my child said to somebody else as a measure around that. I think we need to create our own measures of success and have some KPI guys similar to what we would do in our career, because that's how you get to the next level. You sort of can't do that in your relationships if you don't know what those measures of success are. So I think we all need to sort of create those. Mitesh Khatri [00:27:12]: And they're going to be different for different, you know, whether it's a girl or a boy or different ages, you sort of need to come up with those and your kids can be part of it, your wife can be part of it. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:20]: The one thing I really liked about your book, and I think we could spend the next few hours talking about different aspects of your book, but one of the things that I really liked was the fact that your book, as you said, wasn't written from the perspective of someone that's figured everything out. You talk about where you are now, what you've learned along the way, but at the same time that you're still failing, that you're still flawed, and that there's still things to learn. So as you are continuing your journey, what are you still learning about fatherhood that is surprising you? Mitesh Khatri [00:27:52]: So there's just everyday surprises, I guess, with kids. You know, they sort of surprise you in different ways. But I'm just trying to think of more sort of themes that surprise you. Me, I think their maturity surprises me. You sort of sometimes underestimate how much your kids are learning as they grow up and where they're at. They're 7 and 6 and my daughter's 6 years old, but you know, she knows a lot about the world and she is very mature when she needs to be And I sort of sometimes don't want that to go away. Like her being very young, that small little girl, that beautiful girl that I put to bed at bedtime, I don't want her to grow up to too quick. So, I mean, coming back to your question, what, what am I still learning is I think our kids are becoming independent and learning more than sometimes we appreciate or sort of take notice of. Mitesh Khatri [00:28:38]: And I mean, that's come back, comes back to your independence. You know how, you know, you want them to have that independence and learn and grow and not slow them down in those settings. But I think my natural instincts is maybe to slow them down at the age they're at and make sure they don't grow up too quickly. So I think that's a tough sort of battle I'm sort of facing. That's what sort of comes to mind. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:58]: And I guess finally, as I think about your book and for you, as you think about the legacy that you're leaving behind in the book, you ask fathers to consider what their children are going to remember about them. If your kids were adults today, in reflecting on your parenting journey, what do you hope that they would say, say most about you? Mitesh Khatri [00:29:21]: I hope my children at the start of my book, this book is for every that that's trying and I hope they see that I really tried. I, I got it right a lot of the time and probably got it wrong a lot of the time as well. So I think if I can have them growing up seeing a man that really tried to improve themselves, really tried to improve himself around his relationship with them and worked hard at the that and didn't take my situation and where I was, as you know, that's how it is. And I improved on who I was and knowing that those I was never going to be perfect and that I tried, that I love them, that I wanted the best for them and wanted to support them in everything that they did. So particularly with Alia, if I think about her, she has a lot of strength and it's through sensitivity. She feels our feelings much more than my son will. She'll notice things in others. She'll carry emotions that's probably bigger than a small little body. Mitesh Khatri [00:30:18]: I want her to know that she really has a superpower there in terms of that emotional intelligence and she can sort of really sense the situation. I hope that I give them the foundations of what being a good person is, what a kind person is, that vulnerability is strength. Whether you're, whether it's my daughter or my son being vulnerable, being Self aware, being calm when things get tough, showing emotional strength. They're going to be the backbone of everything that sort of helps you in your life, whether it's career or family or social. I want them to get rid of emotional sort of just thinking about it, but I just want them to remember myself and my wife really loved and cared and, and did everything for them to ensure that they got the right values in life, that they got all the opportunities they wanted to have, and that we really tried, that we always loved them. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:06]: Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection six, where I ask you six more questions to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready? Mitesh Khatri [00:31:16]: All right, let's try it. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:17]: What's one word that describes your relationship with your daughter? Mitesh Khatri [00:31:20]: Beautiful. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:21]: What's the best piece of dad advice that you've ever received? Mitesh Khatri [00:31:26]: Work on you first. Start with yourself. Then you can serve the people you love. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:31]: What's one activity that you and your daughter love doing together? Mitesh Khatri [00:31:35]: There's many, but. Bedtimes, tea parties, playing with her dolls. I'm definitely a dad that has not done that until my daughter came along. So really getting down on the floor and playing those games. Games. Originally I felt quite ridiculous doing it, but then I thought I found joy in it because I've just never done it before. Just freeing into my sports and, you know, all the manly activities. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:55]: If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be? Mitesh Khatri [00:32:00]: You know, always, always speak your mind and stand up for yourself. You have a lot of potential. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:06]: Now, you've mentioned a number of these, but what's one thing you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad? Mitesh Khatri [00:32:12]: So much. Yeah. Um, that you really need a lot of patience. We hear it all the time. But I think more importantly, everything you do has to be quite intentional and intentional. And I've heard you talk about it. Chris. Christopher as well. Mitesh Khatri [00:32:23]: Intentionality is probably one of those cornerstones of everything you're doing in fatherhood, especially with your daughters. You've got to be quite intentional, but not, obviously, taking away from unstructured play time. But by being intentional, you can be present, you can be there, not outside the room. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:39]: And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful, meaningful relationship with their daughters? Mitesh Khatri [00:32:46]: Treat vulnerability as strength. And I think if you were to journal or you talk to some close mates and dads and actually really get into the deep and meaningful and get vulnerable. And in my book, I have A lot of stories from other dads I run with and friends and we start to realize that we're living parallel lives and when we get vulnerable, something unlocks, we learn something. And I think men don't talk enough. So I'm a big advocate of dads talking about talking. And podcasts like this bring different topics and things dads are going through to, to life because we tend to bottle everything up right. We're not very good at that. So I just encourage everyone to talk to someone and around things you're going through and it might surprise you that actually somebody else might be going through very something very similar and can you can relate and you can bond over that. Mitesh Khatri [00:33:35]: So make sure you join these sort of podcasts or some sort of dad group or have a set of friends you can can have those conversations with. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:45]: Well, Mitesh, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here, for putting this book out into the world, for sharing your journey with us today. And it's not over, but I know that it'll keep continuing and you'll keep learning. But I truly want to say thank you and I wish you all the best. Mitesh Khatri [00:33:59]: Thank you so much, Christopher. Really appreciate it. And yeah, the book comes out on 28th of July, so it'll be available Amazon, all sort of good book stores. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:07]: We'll definitely put a link in the notes today and I congratulate you on getting this out into the world and look forward to others reading it and learning from what you've learned along the way. Mitesh Khatri [00:34:17]: Thank you so much, Christopho. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:18]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes at the end dad and daughterconnection.com until next time. Keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs. Musical Outro Performer [00:34:49]: We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the miracle we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to now Be the best dad you can be the best that you can be.

Hey dads—welcome back to Dad Connections in 5, where we talk practical, real-world ways to strengthen the relationship you have with your daughter in just five minutes. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we're diving into a season that's both exciting and emotional for many dads: Helping your daughter transition to adulthood with confidence. Whether she's graduating high school, heading to college, starting a job, or moving out on her own, this is a major milestone—for her and for you. And as much as you may want to hold on, your role is shifting from protector to guide. So how do you support her independence while still staying close? Let's talk about how to do that with presence, patience, and purpose. Why This Transition Is a Big Deal Becoming an adult doesn't happen overnight. It's a slow, sometimes messy process. Your daughter may bounce between independence and insecurity. One moment she wants advice, the next she's sure she knows everything. And that's normal. What she really needs during this season is: Your trust in her ability to grow Your availability when she needs guidance And your reminders that she's not doing this alone When you show up in these ways, you're not just parenting—you're empowering. 3 Ways to Support Her Transition with Confidence 1. Shift from Solving to Coaching Your daughter is going to face adult-level problems—budgeting, job interviews, tough decisions. It's tempting to swoop in and solve them for her. But the real gift is helping her think through them herself. Try asking: "What options are you considering?" "What do you think your next step should be? "Want to talk it through together?" This teaches her that she has the tools—and that you trust her to use them. You're still there, but you're no longer holding the steering wheel. 2. Normalize Struggle and Growth Transitioning into adulthood comes with failure, doubt, and second-guessing. One of the most powerful things you can do? Let her know that's okay. Say things like: "Adulting is hard sometimes, and it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed." "You don't have to have it all figured out—none of us do." "Trying and failing doesn't make you weak. It makes you brave." When she feels safe to stumble, she'll be more willing to try. That's confidence rooted in reality—not perfection. 3. Stay Connected Without Hovering Your daughter still needs you, just in a different way. A simple check-in text, a shared lunch, or a weekend visit means more than you might think. Send a "thinking of you" message Ask, "What's something new you've learned this week?" Offer help without insisting on it This shows her: "I'm still here. Just differently now." Quick Takeaway: Try This Today Here's your challenge: Reach out to your daughter in a way that supports her independence and reminds her of your presence. It could be: A note that says, "I'm proud of the woman you're becoming." A text that says, "I'm here if you ever want to talk through life stuff." An invitation to grab coffee and celebrate how far she's come Let her know: 💬 "I trust you to take on the world—and I'll be cheering you on every step of the way." That's it for today's Dad Connections in 5. The road from girlhood to womanhood isn't always smooth—but when your daughter knows her dad believes in her, it makes the bumps feel a little smaller. Until next time—keep guiding, keep encouraging, and keep reminding her that growing up doesn't mean growing apart.

Hey dads, welcome back to Dad Connections in 5—your five-minute guide to building lasting relationships with your daughter, one intentional moment at a time. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we're tackling a question that hits many dads right in the heart: How do you stay close to your daughter as she grows more independent? It's a bittersweet transition. The little girl who once ran into your arms now closes her bedroom door. She's making her own choices, forming opinions, building a life that isn't centered on you—and that's a good thing. That means you've done your job well. But it doesn't mean your relationship has to fade. Let's talk about how to keep that bond strong, even as she steps confidently into her own independence. Why This Season Matters As your daughter becomes more independent—whether she's 12, 18, or 25—what she really needs is to know that: You still see her You still support her And your love is unconditional, even if she needs you in different ways now She might not ask for your help like she used to, but she still values your presence, your approval, and your interest in who she's becoming. 3 Ways to Stay Connected as She Grows Up 1. Stay Curious, Not Controlling Instead of trying to stay close by holding on tight, stay close by letting go with intention. Ask her questions that invite conversation without judgment: "What's something you've been thinking about a lot lately?" "What's something new you're proud of?" "Want to bounce any ideas off me?" Let her know you're interested in her as a person, not just as your daughter. Curiosity says, "I care about who you are today." 2. Respect Her Space, But Be Consistently Present Your daughter may not need you to solve problems anymore—but she still needs to know you're there. Send a short text that says, "Thinking of you. Hope today's going well." Leave a sticky note or send a meme that'll make her smile. Invite her for lunch, a coffee, or a walk—but don't push if she says no. You're showing her that connection is always available, without pressure. That presence builds safety—and trust. 3. Celebrate Her Growth—Out Loud As she becomes more independent, she needs to hear that you're proud of who she's becoming—not just what she's doing. Say things like: "I love seeing how confident you've become." "You're handling that like a total adult—I'm seriously impressed." "Even though we don't talk as often, I think about you every day." These words are powerful. They reinforce your bond and remind her: "Dad still sees me, believes in me, and supports me—just in a new way." Quick Takeaway: Try This Today Here's your challenge: Send your daughter a short message today that recognizes her independence and reminds her of your love. Try: "I see how much you've grown lately—and I'm proud of who you're becoming." Or: "You may be more independent now, but I'll always be here if you need me." She may not say it out loud, but that message might be exactly what she needs to hear today. That's it for today's Dad Connections in 5. Remember—staying close isn't about holding on tight. It's about showing up with respect, love, and quiet consistency. Your daughter's growing independence isn't the end of your bond—it's just a new chapter. Until next time—keep cheering her on, keep being steady, and keep reminding her that no matter how far she goes, she'll always have a place in your heart. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

Hey dads, welcome back to Dad Connections in 5—where we equip you with short, powerful tools to build deeper, lasting connections with your daughter. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today's topic might just be one of the most important in your parenting journey: Teaching your daughter that vulnerability is strength. In a world that often tells our girls to "be tough," "don't cry," or "keep it together," it's crucial that she hears a different message from you—the man she looks to for emotional guidance. She needs to know that it's okay to feel, to struggle, to ask for help. And that doing so isn't weakness—it's courage. Let's explore how to model that kind of emotional strength in everyday life. Why Vulnerability Matters Vulnerability is the foundation of emotional intelligence, resilience, and healthy relationships. When your daughter understands that expressing her emotions is safe and strong, she learns: That she doesn't have to hide who she is That connection is built through honesty, not perfection That her emotions are valid—not something to be ashamed of And here's the key: she'll believe it when she sees it in you. 3 Ways to Model and Teach Vulnerability 1. Show Her What Vulnerability Looks Like in You One of the most powerful lessons you can give your daughter is letting her see that you have emotions too. That doesn't mean breaking down in every moment—but it does mean saying: "I've had a really hard day, and I'm feeling overwhelmed." "I messed up earlier, and I feel disappointed in myself." "I don't have all the answers, but I'm here and willing to listen." This shows her that strength isn't about having it all together. It's about being real—and still showing up. 2. Create a Safe Space for Her Emotions If your daughter opens up to you—whether it's about a rough day, anxiety, heartbreak, or self-doubt—resist the urge to fix it right away. First, validate her. Try this: "That sounds really hard. I'm glad you told me." "It's okay to feel that way. I've felt that too." "You don't have to go through this alone." She'll remember not just what you said, but how you made her feel—safe, seen, and loved. 3. Celebrate Emotional Courage If your daughter opens up about something vulnerable—affirm that bravery. "I know that wasn't easy to talk about, but it means a lot that you did." "You were really strong for speaking up." "Being honest about how you feel takes guts—and I'm proud of you." This rewires her thinking: Vulnerability isn't weakness—it's powerful. And it reinforces that being emotionally open is something to be proud of, not something to hide. Quick Takeaway: Try This Today Here's your challenge: Open up about something small but real today—something that lets your daughter see your heart. It could be: "I'm nervous about this big meeting at work tomorrow." "I've been feeling a little off today, and I'm not sure why." "I'm really proud of how you handled that earlier. It reminded me how I wish I'd done the same at your age." Even one vulnerable moment builds trust. And it opens the door for her to be vulnerable too. That's it for today's Dad Connections in 5. Remember—when you show your daughter that vulnerability is strength, you're giving her permission to live honestly, love fully, and connect deeply. And that's one of the greatest gifts a father can give. Until next time—keep showing up, keep opening up, and keep building that foundation of trust that lasts a lifetime. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

Hey dads, welcome back to Dad Connections in 5, your five-minute dose of practical wisdom to help you grow closer to your daughter—one intentional moment at a time. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we're diving into one of the most powerful, yet often overlooked, tools in your parenting toolbox: Validating your daughter's emotions—even when you don't fully understand them. Let's be real—sometimes your daughter's reactions might feel dramatic, confusing, or even over-the-top. Maybe she's crying about a lost hair clip. Maybe she's devastated over a friendship shift that seems minor to you. But here's the truth: What matters to her deserves your respect—because what you validate becomes the bridge to deeper connection. Let's explore why that validation matters, and how you can start doing it today—even when you don't get it. Why Emotional Validation Matters Your daughter's emotional world is real—even if it doesn't make sense to you. When you validate her feelings, you're sending these messages: "Your emotions are real and important." "I'm not here to fix you—I'm here to understand you." "You're not alone in this." And that? That builds trust. It builds confidence. And it helps her learn how to process emotions in healthy ways, instead of stuffing them down or feeling ashamed of them. 3 Ways to Validate Her Emotions—Even If You Don't Understand Them 1. Listen First. Don't Problem-Solve. When your daughter shares something emotional, your instinct might be to offer advice, solutions, or logic. But before you go there—pause and listen. Try this: "That sounds really frustrating." "Wow, I can tell that really got to you." "Tell me more about what happened." She doesn't need a fix. She needs a safe place to feel without being judged. 2. Reflect What You Hear—Not What You Think Even if you don't fully get why something upset her, you can still reflect it back with empathy. Examples: "It sounds like you felt left out when that happened." "You were really excited about that, and it didn't go how you hoped. That's disappointing." "It makes sense that you'd feel upset about that." You're not saying her feelings are right or wrong—you're just showing her they're valid. That builds emotional safety. 3. Resist the Urge to Minimize or Compare It's easy to say: "It's not that big of a deal." "When I was your age, I had it worse." "You're overreacting." Even if you mean well, those phrases teach her that her emotions aren't worth sharing. Instead, focus on connection, not correction. Try this instead: "I may not fully understand it, but I can see that this matters to you—and that's enough for me to care about it too." Quick Takeaway: Try This Today Here's your challenge: The next time your daughter shares something emotional—even if it feels small to you—validate it. You can say: "I see how much this is affecting you." "Thanks for trusting me with that." "I may not totally get it, but I'm here with you in it." Even a single validating response can shift how safe she feels with you. And when she feels safe, she keeps the conversation going. That's it for today's Dad Connections in 5. Remember—your daughter isn't looking for perfect words. She's looking for presence. For empathy. For someone who says, "Even when I don't understand exactly what you're feeling—I'm here, and I care." Until next time—keep showing up, keep listening with your heart, and keep reminding her that her emotions are safe with you. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

Hey dads, welcome to another episode of Dad Connections in 5—your quick, meaningful guide to deepening your bond with your daughter, five minutes at a time. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today's topic is one that can truly shape how your daughter sees the world—and herself: How to teach gratitude and a positive outlook on life. Now, let's be clear—this isn't about toxic positivity or pretending life is always great. It's about helping your daughter learn to look for the good, appreciate the small things, and build resilience in the face of challenges. Gratitude is more than a feeling—it's a mindset. And it's one of the most valuable gifts you can give her. Why Gratitude Matters Practicing gratitude has been linked to: Increased happiness Better relationships Lower stress and anxiety Greater optimism and resilience When your daughter learns to notice what's good in her life—even in tough seasons—she builds emotional strength. And when she learns to do it with you, that strength is rooted in love and trust. 3 Practical Ways to Teach Gratitude and Positivity 1. Model It Every Day Your daughter learns more from what you do than what you say. If she hears you regularly expressing appreciation—out loud—it becomes part of her normal. Try this: "I'm really grateful we had time to hang out today." "That sunset was amazing—what a gift." "Work was stressful, but I'm thankful I get to provide for us." This helps her see that even when things are hard, there's always something to be thankful for. 2. Start a Simple Gratitude Ritual Together Keep it low-pressure and age-appropriate. A few ideas: A nightly "What was one good thing today?" check-in before bed A shared gratitude jar where you each drop in a note weekly A weekly "thankful walk" where you both take turns naming what you're grateful for These rituals build emotional awareness and shift her focus toward the positive—without ignoring the real stuff. 3. Reframe Challenges With Her When life gets tough—and it will—help her find meaning or growth in the experience. Not to sugarcoat it, but to give her tools. Examples: "I know you were disappointed about the test, but I'm proud of how you kept going." "That situation hurt—but look at the way you spoke up. That took courage." "Even though this didn't go the way we hoped, what's one thing we can learn from it?" This teaches her that gratitude and positivity aren't about pretending—it's about choosing where to focus her energy. Quick Takeaway: Try This Today Here's your challenge: Start a gratitude moment today with your daughter. Ask her one simple question: "What's something that made you smile today?" And then share your answer too. That's it. One honest, positive moment shared between the two of you. It might seem small—but it opens the door to a lifelong habit. That's it for today's Dad Connections in 5. Remember, when you help your daughter notice what's good in her world, even in the middle of the mess, you're helping her build a mindset that will carry her through life. Until next time—keep showing up, keep practicing gratitude, and keep helping your daughter see the beauty in her everyday. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

If you're a dad hoping to build a closer, more meaningful relationship with your daughter, you won't want to miss this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. Host Dr. Christopher Lewis invites educator, coach, mentor, and author Chad Mitchell to share stories and insights from his life as a father of two daughters (and six children total), as well as lessons from his new book, "Change Your Game." The Power of the Everyday Moment One of the central themes Chad Mitchell brings to the conversation is the importance of the "little things." As a father and now a grandfather, he reflects that the most meaningful moments with his daughters weren't grand gestures or planned events, but simple time spent together—talking, listening, and just being present. It's a reminder for all dads: you don't have to be perfect or extraordinary for your daughter. What matters most is showing up authentically, creating spaces for laughter, listening, and sharing life's ups and downs. Balancing Guidance and Independence Chad Mitchell is candid about his own journey learning how to guide his daughters while also giving them the independence to grow. He admits he was stricter with his first daughter, loosening up with experience. His key realization? Letting your children choose their own paths—whether in sports, music, or academics—helps them build confidence and resilience. He encourages dads to support their daughters' unique interests, learn from mistakes (their own and their kids'), and "choose your battles wisely." Raising Leaders, Not Just Followers A recurring lesson from Chad's book and the episode is that leadership isn't defined by age, popularity, or formal titles but by influence, kindness, integrity, and everyday choices. Dads play a unique role in helping daughters see themselves as leaders—right now, not just in the future—by labeling them as such and recognizing the ways they impact those around them. Connection Through Listening and Vulnerability Perhaps most powerful is the call for empathetic listening. Chad Mitchell believes that being fully present—with eye contact, without distractions—opens the door to trust and deeper connection. Sharing your own struggles and vulnerabilities, as appropriate, helps daughters realize they're not alone in facing life's challenges. If you want real stories, practical wisdom, and encouragement for your journey as a dad, listen to this episode. You'll leave inspired to engage more deeply, support your daughter's dreams, and grow together, one honest conversation at a time. Tune in and discover how you can truly connect with your daughter today! TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have an opportunity to be able to work on those relationships, those connections that we have with our own daughters, working to help to make them be the strongest that we want them to be, the strongest that they can be. And we do that by learning, by growing, by continuing to look beyond ourselves. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:16]: And that's why every week, I love being able to have you here and being on this journey with me. Today on the dad and Daughter Connection, we're joined by someone who has dedicated his life to empowering young people to lead, to serve, and to believe that they matter. Chad Mitchell is a educator, a coach, an author, and mentor, and has a new book called Change youe Game. And it in this book, it really reminds us that leadership isn't about age or status or titles. It's about influence, kindness, integrity, and the everyday choices that we make. Chad has spent many years helping young people discover their voice and. And their courage. And today we're going to talk to him about being a dad himself, a father of six, but we're also going to talk to him about being a father of two daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:07]: But we're going to talk to him about this book, too, and gain a little bit more perspective about his own journey, but also some of the things that he's learned along the way in working with youth in this way. So really excited to have him here. Chad, thanks so much for being here today. Chad Mitchell [00:02:21]: Chris, thanks for having me. I'm super excited. The intro just gives me goosebumps. I'm great. I love. I love this subject matter. I love my daughters. I love young women, and it's going to be exciting time. Chad Mitchell [00:02:32]: Thanks for having me. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:33]: Well, I'm really excited to have you here and to chat with you today and having two daughters, I know that your kids range in age from 17 to 35, so every child is a little bit different and your daughters came interspersed between the sons that you have as well. And I guess as you think about your two daughters, what are some of the most meaningful moments that you've been able to share with your daughters thus far and what made them so special? Chad Mitchell [00:03:01]: What are the most meaningful moments with my daughters? You know, it's interesting that I would think they're not if you. In the moment, they were just little things, Chris. They're not. I mean, there's probably a couple things like a daddy daughter dance that I would have taken my girls to when we lived in, in Chicago area, but I think a lot of them are just time together, listening, talking, smiling, and just doing really simple, seemingly mundane things. But as I get older and we have five grandchildren, all of them daughters, and I get to spend time with my daughters, being mothers now, it is the simple things. It's holding a baby, it's, you know, going to the store with them. It's just really just that relationship. And there are so many little things that go into having a good relationship. Chad Mitchell [00:03:51]: And I would say just those moments of us together not doing anything fancy or crazy, but just enjoying each other and being each other's company and sharing hard things, sharing sad things, sharing fun times and sharing silly dad jokes which they grown at still. But that's all right. That comes with the territory. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:08]: It does come with the territory. I'm not good at telling dad jokes. And when I say something that I probably didn't mean to be a dad joke, I do get the groans too. So I completely understand that now. I know both of your daughters are grown and they're adults, but as you think back to them growing up and you think back to the things that you did to help them become the women that they are today, how did you balance guiding your daughters while also giving them the independence to grow into the women that they did become? Chad Mitchell [00:04:39]: So I think of Taylor Swift's recent song Eldest Daughter, and I love the phrase that she talks about. Eldest daughter was the first lamb to the slaughter. And so I will, I'll be the first to say, Chris, I'm a much better dad today than I was when our first daughter was born. So I don't know how good a job I did back then, you know, as a first time parent. And you know, you have two daughters and that first one you probably handle differently than you're handling the second one. And I don't mean that in a pejorative way, but you just learn a lot. And so I think I was much better with Chloe second daughter in terms of not trying to protect her from everything and trying to keep her from dealing with hard things. And so one great way to give them independence and let them create their own path is to try what they want to try. Chad Mitchell [00:05:26]: And whether that's sports, whether that's acting, whether that's music, whether that's cooking. I mean, giving your kids freedom to do and choose how they want to spend some of their time is a huge thing. And I'm a football guy, and so I wanted my kids to try football, except for my daughters. And that's a whole nother story that Caitlin would love to tell you about how she was the one shot at letting having a football player, and I told her she couldn't because she was a girl. Forgive me, Caitlin, but, you know, the kids didn't gravitate to football, and so we needed to let them do lacrosse and let them do soccer and let them do music. And so I think just giving the kids the ability to choose their own way as early as we can in a safe way, is a huge part of helping them be independent and also learn from mistakes along the way. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:13]: Speaking about mistakes, all of us do make mistakes. We're human. And as our children are born, there is no manual to tell us how to be a dad. And hopefully we've had some good role models along the way, but not every father does. So, as you think back to raising your daughters and having them be coming up through their ages into adulthood, what's a mistake that you know that you did make as a father, and what did you learn from it about fostering either a better positive connection or something else? Chad Mitchell [00:06:45]: So I will say that my dad was fairly strict. He was in the army as drill sergeant. And so you talk about role models and mentors, and we have those for good and ill. And my dad taught me a lot of great things. But like every parent, right, There are some things that I observed and saw that were not the best thing to do as a parent. And so I think being strict, as I already mentioned, with my eldest daughter and even with with Chloe, our fourth child, I wish I would not have been so strict. And it's okay to be strict sometimes, but as my wife says, choose your battles wisely. Right? Is it really important to be strict about this thing that doesn't matter at all? Because that was my experience growing up. Chad Mitchell [00:07:29]: Probably not. Do we need to be strict about, hey, you do your homework first, and then you go and play, and that's the rule. And sure, there's little exceptions because of unique circumstances, but, you know, the exceptions can't swallow the rule. So I was too strict with my kids. I got better, and I'm even much better today, but it's still a challenge, and I wish I wasn't so strict. And so dad's out there listening, you know, find those. Find those things that don't matter as much and let things go. So we're not constantly harping on or, you know, talking to our kids about little things as opposed to the things that matter most, which is them feeling loved by us and getting a lot of positive feedback from us, as opposed to, hey, did you do this? Why haven't you done that? You missed this spot on the lawn. Chad Mitchell [00:08:21]: I mean, very practical things that some you follow up on, but a lot of them I've found out, they're not important enough to degrade the relationship. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:29]: Every one of us as fathers have to balance that. Like you were talking about the support and the challenge as we are working with our daughters, thinking about how you supported your daughters, how did you support your daughters in pursuing their dreams and their passions that they had for themselves? Chad Mitchell [00:08:50]: I would show up. Sometimes it was just a supportive parent in the stands or in the audience. Sometimes it was stepping up to be the coach because they didn't have a coach. Sometimes it was, you know, taking off work and going to see them do a presentation at school. I think showing up, Kris, is one of the most important things we can do and make sure you show up in the right role that you have. Because when I'm not a coach, I don't need to show up for my kids at their soccer game and coach them. I'm there to cheer them on. I'm there to be supportive of them and their team. Chad Mitchell [00:09:23]: And they have a coach. Let that coach do their job. Chad's not coaching. Chad doesn't need to coach. My kid at soccer, I'm there to cheer and support. So I think showing up and showing up in a way that's going to be supportive and listening and just enjoying the moment and enjoying whatever the result is. If it's a loss, there's an opportunity to learn something from that. Right? If it's a game that doesn't go well, there's an opportunity to learn something from that. Chad Mitchell [00:09:50]: And if it's an awesome game and your daughter hustles and maybe doesn't score a basket but plays super hard, oh, that's so much to celebrate, right? Just showing up and giving it great effort, man. There's a lot of success in that little simple recipe right there. So reward that. Be excited about that when that happens, point that out in our daughter's lives. When we see that that can change maybe a bad or a situation that they're not excited about, to see the good in it and see the way that they put forth effort which we can all control and turn it into a positive. Everything can be a positive if we look at it from the right perspective. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:28]: Now I mentioned that you have a new book called Change youe Game and it is a leadership book. It has has a lot of leadership principles within it, but it's more than just that. It, as I looked through it and, and read through parts of it, it's a, it's a guide that really helps young people understand their value, their influence and the power that they have to change the world around them. I love the fact that you use stories and science and use some reflection prompts through with, along with real life examples. And you invited all of us as readers to see that leadership isn't about age or popularity. It's about, as I said at the beginning, integrity, kindness, courage, and the choices that we make every day. So as an author myself, I know how much time, passion, effort goes into putting something out into the world. So I guess before we dive too deep into some questions about the book itself, talk to me about the genesis story of why this book, why this topic, and why you wanted to put it out into the world. Chad Mitchell [00:11:32]: So why this book? So it was October 17, 2020 that I started writing this book. I went back once I got it published. It's not available yet. It'll be available in January. But I went back to say how long have I been working on this? When did I actually start? So I went back and looked at my files and it's been five years and it was in Covid I was coaching, I coached spring lacrosse in Washington State, boys high school sport. And so that got cut off right before we had a game. I think the Thursday before we had a game on, on our first game of the season on everything got turned topsy turvy and we up here in Washington State, we did not have a season. So there's a lot of extra time that I had on my hands and a lot of reflection, as I'm sure all of us did or most of us did during the unexpected Covid that shut down many parts of our lives about what matters, what's important to me. Chad Mitchell [00:12:24]: And as I saw young people struggling with the reality of COVID and what it did to daily life. I was just trying to figure out a way that I could help beyond just the kids who I have influence over through church, through our neighborhood, through our community. And I felt like I should start writing this book. And so I started writing it, and it really. I don't know that, Chris. I don't know. That's a book I could have written five years ago. As you said, I've been working with you since I was 18. Chad Mitchell [00:12:53]: The first time I coached youth sports was when I was still in high school. Someone asked me to help with a soccer team. So I have a lot of the experience, but I think the nuance and the perspective, you know, I've gone through some counseling, some therapy, and I just felt like I was finally at a point where I was comfortable enough with myself and really was trying to do it for the right reason, just to help youth and help us as adults figure out a way to tap the potential that our youth have, that the time was right. And so, yeah, a lot of time, a lot of energy. I asked myself, I'd be curious if you did this when you've written your books, Chris, is anyone going to read this? Is it going to make a difference? Am I wasting my time? Because so much time and a couple points along the way, I felt like this is worth doing. And lo and behold, here we are five years later, and it's coming out into the world, which is super exciting. But I really would love to hear the answer to my question from you, Chris. Did you have imposter syndrome and doubts about whether this was the best use of your time as you slog through what a really hard thing to do in writing a book. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:55]: Imposter syndrome is definitely real, and you will always feel that way. And you'll have your people that you know will always say something nice. If your parents are still around, they're going to say nice things. Your family's going to say nice things. But it comes down to, okay, what are other people saying? People that you don't know. And you have to always just kind of turn a blind eye to naysayers because you're. There are always trolls out there, but there are people that will come out of the woodwork, and inevitably you're going to find that people do really like it and that people will resonate with it. So keep moving forward. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:29]: That's all I can say at this point. Chad Mitchell [00:14:30]: Awesome. Thank you. I appreciate the encouragement, and it sounds like we had a very similar experience. But one more question. Doesn't anyone go through Imposter syndrome before they make it. Because at some point, aren't we all imposters? Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:43]: Yes, we always are. You always fake it till you make it and you hear that mantra. But it's very true. And I think a lot of our kids do feel that they have to be perfect, especially kids these days. And that's a challenge right now. I think as parents, we have to work with our daughters to be able to help them to see that they just need to be who they are, they don't have to be perfect and that nobody's expecting them to be perfect in any way. Chad Mitchell [00:15:10]: Social media makes that so hard, makes it so hard for our young men and young women to not feel like they have to live up and measure up to the artificiality they see on a constant basis through their phones. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:22]: Well, and so many filters. And seeing the non reality of what life really looks like when you look at people through the lens of an iPhone and through the filter filters that are provided there, it can make anybody look great and make the reality of a person's life look very different than what the reality really is now. You know, your book mentions and emphasizes that young people are not too young to lead and that their influence on peers is far greater than adults often realize. How can dads empower their daughters to see themselves as leaders right now, not someday in the future? Chad Mitchell [00:15:58]: Yeah, great question. And so one of the things I talk about in the book is labeling a leader, and I'm not sure exactly why, but calling our daughters leaders as opposed to saying they're leading or they have leadership. But using the noun calling them a leader actually is more effective than labeling it something else. And so one of the things I've done with my kids in my learning journey, Chris, is will tell me how you are a leader today at school. And he may, or Chloe or, you know, it doesn't matter if you're a son or a daughter. And they may say, you know, Chloe may say, well, I don't know that I was dad. I said, well, did you have a discussion with any of your friends? Tell me about that. And you ask questions in the appropriate setting. Chad Mitchell [00:16:44]: Right. Depending on your age of your daughter, she may not be interested in having that discussion with you. My experience is daughters are more open to having these discussions than a certain age of boys are. But I think you can point out little things to them that they don't think of as being a leader and label that a leader and talk to them about them being a leader and help them connect that, yes, this Little thing I do, saying hi to my friend in the hallway and asking them what they're excited about and then actually listening to their answer and remembering their answer. That's a great leader, right? That's connection with their peer. That's helping somebody else feel seen and cared about and respected. And it's so our kids don't think about it that way generally. And so our role as dads is point that out to our daughters and help them explore that and see that and how that can have such a positive impact on their peers. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:40]: One of the other things that I really liked in the book was throughout the book, you draw a line between integrity and inner peace. When, as you said, our shoes fit our feet, life feels right. How can dads help their daughters choose integrity, especially when fitting in or pleasing others, feels easier? Chad Mitchell [00:18:00]: I think the foundation that we need to try and give our daughters, Chris, is what I do in the book is explore principles. Right? If we have a foundation of principles that we try and use to guide our lives, then it's going to be easier for our kids to understand why it's important to be consistent with our principles. I mean, what principles are there? On just a random day on social media, there are no principles. Or if there are principles, the overarching principles are throw shade at other people. Look at me, I'm so cool. I have all these material things. And it's so easy to get caught up in as we talk about in the book. But when we have principles that help govern our lives, such as I care about other people more than I care about material things, as a dad, I tell my daughters I love them and I love them more than anything else in the world. Chad Mitchell [00:18:53]: Right? And if they know that love is one of the principles that I care about and I show that to them, guess what they're going to care about? They're going to care about love. And that's going to be an aspect of a principle, that they determine how it fits into their world. And so when we teach them principles about love, doing the right thing, even when it's hard, being kind to others, being honest with others and yourself, it's those principles rising to the surface in difficult situations. They're going to help them make the right choice. And when they don't make a right choice, we should have taught our daughters about making mistakes is part of the process, Right? Some of the greatest growth I've had is mistakes. Do my kids know that? Do my daughters know that? Absolutely. And I think that helps with. That's got to Be one of the principles is mistakes are a part of life. Chad Mitchell [00:19:42]: We're going to make them. The real question is, what do we do when we make them? It's not are we going to make them? It's how do we react when we make a mistake? And so that's a great question, Kris. I don't know that I did your question justice with my answer, but that's what I got right now. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:55]: A number of your stories that you share talk about those that are Natural Helpers and Hope Squad, and you talk about that in your book. And it also relates to moments where young people saved lives simply by being trusted peers. What do you believe that dads can do to help their daughters become this type of friend that others feel safe talking to? Chad Mitchell [00:20:16]: The most important thing that a dad may be able to instill in his daughter's, his daughter or daughters, I think is empathetic listening. And I talk about that in the book, Chris. And what I mean by that is whole self listening. You know, if someone is sharing with me a problem, so think about this as having a discussion with your daughter or she trying to have a discussion with you. The, the optimal way to do that is to put your phone away, is to sit and look at the person. It's to not be distracted by other things. It's actually not to think about what am I going to say in response to what Caitlin and Chloe are telling me. It's I need to listen to what Caitlin and Chloe are telling me. Chad Mitchell [00:20:56]: I need to give them eye contact. I need to give them positive feedback that yes, I hear you. Keep going, keep telling me more. And it's through that listening that we're actually going to figure out things that we won't know unless we can have that empathetic listening and the discipline to be in the moment, to care more about what that person is saying than what we feel or what we want to do. And that is life changing. And you're right, Chris, in the story we talk about, you know, Hope Squad, they have had great success in reducing the number of suicides in the schools that they're at by helping our young people understand how important it is for these trusted peers to listen to their peers and then to be trained so that if someone is showing suicide ideation, they know what to do. And so I think listening and being in the moment and mirroring and practicing that with our daughters. And I don't mean practicing it in a way that is artificial, but I mean, dads step up, figure out how to do this because Anyone can do it. Chad Mitchell [00:22:02]: Step up how to listen effectively to our daughters. And, you know, if you're doing it already, great, fabulous. If you're not, watch that relationship improve immensely. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:11]: You have a lot of examples in the book also, such as Malala, Martin Luther King Jr. Huck Finn, people that were struggling or wrestling with courage, convictions, and choosing purpose over fear. How can dads invite their daughters into conversations about purpose, values, and doing the right thing, even when it might be hard? Chad Mitchell [00:22:35]: Being a dad is hard. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done. And so we signed up for hard things when we decided to be a dad. Right, Chris? I think being appropriately vulnerable with our daughters is a good thing. When we struggle with things, I think it's appropriate and good to share that with our daughters so that they understand that dad is just not this guy who bites down on his mouthpiece, grits his teeth and does things that are hard without feeling that they're hard. You know, he's just built that way. No, our daughters need to understand we struggle with those things. And sometimes we make mistakes, and sometimes we're scared, and sometimes we don't know what to do because guess what? They're having all those same experiences. Chad Mitchell [00:23:17]: But so often kids look at adults and they don't understand the struggles that adults are going through. And so I think as dads, really connecting our appropriate experience that are hard for us, that are challenging for us, where we make mistakes that are appropriate to share with our daughters based on their age, based on their circumstances, based on what we're going through, I think that's a great way for our kids to see the reality of what it means to live a life. It's hard. There'll be challenges, we'll make mistakes, but hey, dad can do it. He's not as funny as he thinks he is, and he can do it. I can do it, too. And I'm going to take confidence and examples from my dad, both his positive things and his negative things and the times he screwed up and use those to get through life when I do those same things. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:00]: Now, Chad, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection six, where I ask you six more questions, they delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready? You bet. Chad Mitchell [00:24:09]: Let's do it. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:10]: What's one word that describes your relationship with your daughters? Chad Mitchell [00:24:14]: Love. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:14]: What's the best piece of dad advice that you've ever received? Chad Mitchell [00:24:18]: I don't know who to attribute this to, but it's dads Love your mother. Let your daughter see how you love their mother. Because we want our girls to choose that type of relationship for their spouses. And I know some of our listeners probably divorced. I haven't had that experience. I'm. I'm sensitive to it. And I would say, again, not having had that experience, if you can still love your wife at some level, your ex wife, I mean, that's going to help everyone in that relationship. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:47]: What's one activity that you and your daughters love doing together? Chad Mitchell [00:24:50]: Going for walks, especially walks on the. On the Oregon coast. One of my favorite things. I love it. Hikes. Well, I love going hiking with the girls. I'm not sure they always like to go on the hikes, but we always had a good time, the way I remember it, at least. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:02]: Chris, if you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be? Chad Mitchell [00:25:08]: Follow Jesus Christ. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:09]: What's one thing you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad? Chad Mitchell [00:25:14]: I got a lot to work on. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:15]: And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? Chad Mitchell [00:25:22]: Be authentic. Don't hide the hard parts of life from your daughters. You know, as appropriate, invite them into that. Let them see that there are things that you're great at, but there are also things that you struggle with, things that you're unsure about, because they're going to have all those experiences. And I think you equip them better to deal with them if you can have those discussions about your experiences when you're a father and their experiences as they go through teenagehood, which we know is a huge challenge. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:50]: Well, Chad, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today and for sharing everything that you've shared. If people want to find out more about you or the book, where should they go? Chad Mitchell [00:25:57]: Well, I appreciate you having me on, Chris. This has been really fun. You ask really good questions. So hopefully these help the dads. If you want to find more out about me or my book, you can go to my website, jchadmitchell.com and the book will be available in January. And it's change your game. Empowering young leaders to ditch doubt, find their voice, and impact the world. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:21]: Well, that wraps up today's conversation with Chad Mitchell and what a powerful reminder it was that our daughters matter. Their voices matter, their choices matter, and their leadership matters. As dads, we have the privilege of walking alongside them as they discover who they are and the impact they can have. Thank you for being a part of this community of fathers committed to raising strong, confident, compassionate young women. And if this episode encouraged you in any way, share it with another dad. We'll see you next week on the dad and Daughter Connection. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:57]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:07]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started. Because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting.

Hey dads, welcome back to Dad Connections in 5—your five-minute guide to building stronger, deeper relationships with your daughter, one moment at a time. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we're diving into a season that can feel like uncharted territory for a lot of fathers: How to stay close to your daughter during the teenage years. Let's be honest—this phase is a big shift. The little girl who once wanted to hold your hand at the park may now spend more time in her room, scroll her phone for hours, and roll her eyes more than she talks. But here's the truth that matters most: She still needs you—just in a different way. So today, I'll give you three practical ways to stay emotionally connected to your daughter through the ups, downs, and changes of the teen years. Why the Teenage Years Are Critical These years are full of questions: "Who am I?" "Do I fit in?" "Can I trust myself?" "Do I have value, even when I mess up?" And while your daughter might act like she doesn't want your input, what she really wants is for you to show up—consistently, calmly, and without judgment. When you do that, you teach her: That her voice matters That she can trust herself and her choices That you'll be a steady presence, no matter what Let's look at how to make that happen in everyday life. 3 Practical Ways to Stay Close 1. Shift from Control to Curiosity In the early years, parenting was about protection and instruction. But now? It's about guidance and trust. Instead of: "You need to do it this way," Try: "What do you think is the best next step?" "How did that decision feel afterward?" This keeps the door open without shutting her down. Show her you're more interested in understanding than correcting—and she'll keep coming to you. 2. Create Rituals That Stay Consistent Teenagers crave freedom, but they also need structure and connection. Even if she's busier, you can build in small rituals that anchor your relationship. Weekly coffee runs or lunch dates Friday night walks Driving her to school and using that time to talk—or just be quiet together Sending a text that says "I believe in you" before big moments These habits become a signal: "No matter how old you get, I'm not going anywhere." 3. Be the Calm in Her Chaos The teen years can feel like emotional rollercoasters—and your daughter needs at least one person who stays calm, even when she's not. When she slams the door, gets frustrated, or messes up: Don't match her energy. Don't make it about your disappointment. Instead, offer grace and presence. Instead, say something like: "I'm here if you want to talk." "I'm still proud of you, even when things are hard." "This doesn't change how much I love you." That kind of steadiness builds deep trust—and it lasts a lifetime. Quick Takeaway: Try This Today Here's your challenge: Reach out to your teenage daughter today in a way that feels natural—but intentional. Send her a simple "thinking of you" text Ask how you can support her this week Suggest one small, low-pressure hangout (even if it's just picking up takeout together) She might not always say it, but these gestures send the message loud and clear: "I'm still here. I'm still on your team. And I'm not giving up on staying connected—even when it's hard." That's it for today's Dad Connections in 5. If you're in the thick of the teenage years—or you're about to be—just remember: connection during this season is about being present, patient, and persistent. You've got this. Until next time—keep showing up, keep trusting the process, and keep being the dad she'll always know she can count on. If you enjoyed this episode, we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community, and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

This week's episode of the "Dad and Daughter Connection" offers a heartfelt and inspiring look at the evolving relationship between a father and daughter as they navigate the world of competitive youth sports, college, and life beyond the field. Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, this episode features David Murray, an acclaimed journalist and author of the new book "Soccer Dad," and his daughter, Scout Murray, who has just wrapped up a successful soccer career at Ohio University. Unconditional Support & Independence One of the episode's primary themes is the balance between support and independence in parenting. Scout Murray recalls how her dad never pressured her to follow a specific path and always backed whatever passion she pursued. As she puts it, "[My dad] always just made sure I knew that whatever my passion was, he was going to fully support it." This foundation of acceptance empowered her to chase ambitious goals in soccer—her journey marked by her own drive rather than parental expectations. David Murray admits his lack of soccer expertise helped him stay out of "coach mode" and instead be a true fan and ally, which fostered a safe space for Scout Murray to grow. Perseverance Through Challenges The episode delves deeply into the resilience required to pursue high-level sports, particularly when the journey gets tough. Scout Murray shares powerful stories of long car rides to soccer tryouts, difficult transitions to elite teams, and the emotional strain of not always being a starter. The message? True growth happens when you face setbacks head-on, and finding the strength to persevere means knowing you have supportive people behind you. Honest Communication & Emotional Openness A standout part of David Murray and Scout Murray's story is their commitment to honesty and vulnerability. They discuss the importance of admitting mistakes, owning up to less-than-perfect parenting moments, and, above all, keeping communication open—even (or especially) in challenging times. As Scout Murray notes, being able to "share everything that was going on" helped keep their relationship strong through ups and downs. Lasting Takeaways Whether you're a dad, a daughter, or simply someone looking for insights into meaningful relationships, this episode offers encouragement to value presence over perfection and emphasizes that taking your child's challenges seriously is one of the greatest gifts you can give. Want more of these hard-won life lessons and candid, touching stories? Give this episode a listen—you'll walk away inspired to build stronger connections with the ones you love. Catch it now on the "Dad and Daughter Connection." TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection. I am so excited that you're back with us again this week. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:57]: As always, every week, I love being on this journey with you. As you know, I'm a father of two daughters and this whole podcast was developed for you as someone that is also raising daughters today. And one of the things I love is that every week we can be on this journey together and you can gain something every week to help you to build those stronger connections that you want to have with your daughters. And we do that every week by having opportunities to talk to different people with different experiences that are able to bring those connections to the forefront, whether they're dads, moms, or other individuals that can help you to be that dad that you want to be. And today I'm really excited to be able to have two guests. David Murray and his daughter Scout are here and we're going to be talking about a brand new book that David has out called Soccer Dad. But we're also going to talk about the relationship that the two of them have together. And David is an author of a number of books including Soccer Dad. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:59]: So he has a number of books that are out there, but he's also an award winning journalist who's writing on sports and other subjects, has appeared in the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, the Atlantic and other publication. And Scout is on her way to graduating from Ohio University after a successful career in soccer at Ohio University. So we're going to be talking about that as well. So I'm really excited to have them both here. David, Scout, thanks so much for being here. Scout Murray [00:02:24]: Thank you. David Murray [00:02:25]: Great to be here. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:25]: Well, I'm really excited to have you here today and I always start with these conversations with an opportunity to delve a little bit deeper into the connections that the two of you have. And I know we're going to dig into that a little bit more in the book, but I guess on the top end, first and foremost, Scout, I'm going to ask a question to you. As you think about the relationship that you've built with your dad, what's one thing that your dad did for you that made you truly feel seen, heard and valued as a daughter? Scout Murray [00:02:54]: I would say he, since I was little, has always made it very clear that there was no pressure from him to do a specific thing. There was nothing that I felt like I had to do to make, like to impress him, I guess I would say. And he always just made sure I knew that whatever I. Whatever my passion was, he was going to fully support it. So I think when it came to soccer, he never told me what I should do, told me how I should go about things. He kind of just like followed my lead, I guess I would say. And I think that always made me feel super comfortable talking to him about anything, really. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:35]: And speaking of that, David, I think every dad tries to help to guide their daughters. And how did you balance guiding Scout while also giving her the independence to grow into the person she's become today? David Murray [00:03:50]: Well, I think one of my qualifications for being a good soccer dad was that I don't know a damn thing about soccer and I never did. So it wasn't like we were in the car and I was giving her all this advice about how she should have played a certain way or certain shot. So I always kind of approached this as kind of a fan. To some extent, I was grateful that she did not play baseball or football or a sport that I even think I understand. So that was, I think, kind of my main qualification as a soccer parent and scout. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:22]: I guess looking back at the relationship you've built thus far as well, was there a moment where your dad's support or guidance really had a significant impact on your growth or your confidence? Scout Murray [00:04:34]: There was one summer that I think stands out to me when we spent the entire summer going on visits. College visits, college soccer visits. Yeah. We would drive somewhere, oftentimes for seven hours. I would sleep the entire time. He would drive me. And I feel like, I mean, I didn't realize it at the time because I think I was extremely self centered. But looking back on that summer, I think that I look back on it a lot and I think it made me realize, like, how much he's willing to put in to show me how supportive he is of my passions and what I want to do. Scout Murray [00:05:10]: So I think that moment is when I was like, okay, if I have this support system behind me, and I really want to do it. I should really just go for it. So I think that's when I really. David Murray [00:05:21]: Realized that that was a hard summer for a number of reasons. And one of the reasons was it is horrible to travel with teenagers. They're either sleep or they're awake, and they're looking at Instagram and dying of fomo. Even though their friends are just kind of hanging out somewhere in Chicago, they're never there with you. And the second they are there with you, they're trying to get you to listen to their music, and you're trying to listen to it and care about it, but you can't quite do it well enough. And it was, like, the longest summer. We were hoping it would be fun. It was not really fun, but it was productive. Scout Murray [00:05:59]: And it's good to look back on. David Murray [00:06:01]: It is fun to look back on. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:02]: Yeah. So some of the things you're just talking about, there are finding intentional ways to build those bonds, and you sometimes are forced into those ways, but you also make those as well. So I guess, David, what are some intentional ways that you've worked to strengthen your bond with Scout, even when times might have not been the easiest? Or maybe it was challenging, like a trip where you're not talking a lot, but you're going places. But there's other times, especially in those teenage years. So what are some intentions, Ways that you've done that? David Murray [00:06:34]: I mean, a lot of humor. I think she and I tease each other a lot and always have, and that has kind of never gone away, even in hard times. Just staying engaged, like, talking about everything, asking her about what's going on in her life, being up for hearing most of it. There's stuff, as a dad you don't want to hear a lot of. Like, during high school, there's a lot of social stuff that's uncomfortable to hear about. There was a show that Scout wanted me to watch that was. That was trying to portray. It was a show. David Murray [00:07:04]: What was that show? It was about a high school in New York. Scout Murray [00:07:07]: Oh, yeah. Grand army or something. David Murray [00:07:09]: Grand army or. It was a show like that. And it was about this high school in New York where all these terrible things were happening. It was just high school society. And she said, you got to watch this, dad. You got to watch this to understand what this is like. And I was like, I hate this show. I. David Murray [00:07:23]: And I watched four episodes and that as far as I could go. But I did watch the four. It was like shaving my head with a cheese Grater. Because it's just really hard. And I think about my parents. They were great parents, but they weren't getting down in there and engaging in ways like that. I had no company like that. Scout Murray [00:07:39]: I do think we, even during hard times, are, like, very honest. And I think part of that is just, I'm an open book. I don't keep things in well. So I think instead of just acting out, I would act out and then be like, this is why I acted out. And we talk about it the next day. There was never a fight that wasn't talked about. I feel like if something happened, it was, well, this clearly needs to be talked about. So I think just, like, honesty and trying to just, like, share everything that was going on. David Murray [00:08:09]: So you're taking credit for our wonderful. Scout Murray [00:08:10]: I am. My openness. David Murray [00:08:12]: I actually think that's true. I think there have been times where I've wished she would gild the lily a little bit and not tell me everything that's going on, but not so much. I mean, in the book. And the college experience was really interesting to me when I went off to college. And you might relate to this, too. I don't think I talked to my parents until Thanksgiving, and then I don't think I talked to them again until spring break. I mean, you'd had to go down the hall and call on the payphone and call. I mean, Scout would facetime me after practice on the way to class, and it was just no big deal. David Murray [00:08:42]: It wasn't a show she was putting on. She was like, I had a bad practice, or I had a great practice, or, we were up way too late last night. And so. And we were always talking about this. In the book, I talk about, you know. You know, where my dad was during this time in his life. He was marching to Berlin in World War II. And I said, like, I wonder what his parents would have done if they'd had the same communications. David Murray [00:09:04]: And they probably would have been sending him nice text messages about his march, wishing him well on his march to Berlin. It's a different time, but it's the technology, which we complain about a lot, which has ruined a lot of things, has made this kind of communication a lot more natural and easy. When we talk to our parents once every couple months, even if it's once a week, you were kind of putting on a show for him. You were telling him everything was all right. You were telling them you were getting good grades. And when it's. When it's daily like that, you can kind of maintain a More human, easygoing relationship, Definitely. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:35]: Now, Scout, one of the things, I guess, that I'm interested in is the relationship with your dad. And how does that relationship influence the way that you navigate life, relationships, or challenges that you deal with? Scout Murray [00:09:47]: Yeah, I think I've actually talked about this with my friends because I think a big thing in this. I see it a lot on social media is, like, if a woman has had a bad relationship with their father, they have a really hard time navigating relationships, especially, like, romantic relationships. And I think. I mean, he is just, like, set the expectation of, like, how a man should treat anyone, like, let alone women. And I think I've, like, taken that very seriously. And he always jokes about he's not the kind of dad that is, like, super mean and scary to any boyfriend I bring home, which I think is a good thing. But, yeah, just like, you don't need to be. I don't think. Scout Murray [00:10:33]: I think I view men differently because of him. You don't need to be this extremely strong, masculine, crazy man. Like, you can just be a normal human being and emotional and kind. David Murray [00:10:47]: And so I think I'm a big crybaby. Scout Murray [00:10:49]: Yeah, he's a crybaby. So I think it's okay for men to. David Murray [00:10:53]: I loved your episode not long ago that it's okay for dads to make mistakes and admit it, that one Scout does not need to listen to. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:00]: She. David Murray [00:11:01]: I know that we get that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:03]: Speaking of mistakes there, David, I guess as you think about your relationship and how you've built that, what's a mistake that you've made as a father, and what did you learn about it or learn from it about fostering better communication with Scout? David Murray [00:11:17]: Well, I talk a lot in the book about that as a soccer parent, but I think this is completely universally true. I think the fundamental problem of being a parent is you have two instincts, two things you need to do. You need to keep this kid alive. And in that way, you need to protect them and guide them and make sure they go in the right direction. But you also need to show this kid how to live, which means you let him do stuff. They do stuff. They make mistakes, they screw up. And in, you know, in soccer, that means, you know, not telling them. David Murray [00:11:46]: You got to play on this team. You got to do this. You got to apply to this school. This is your life. Like, a lot of parents get really prescriptive, and they start pushing their kids in directions and to the point where the kid must start wondering, am I doing this for them or for me? I made Mistakes on the other side, at least in soccer, I don't know about it. In life, I let it all play out. I figured if she was talented enough and wanted it enough, it would happen for her. That turned out to be basically incorrect. David Murray [00:12:16]: And we. And there were. There was a moment where she had to go up to a higher league. And that might have happened a year before had I been a little bit more on the ball. And I basically feel like I was lazy about that. But you make mistakes on each side of that equation. I think a lot. And I think the parents who in general figure out how much freedom to give and how much guidance to give, I think. David Murray [00:12:38]: And I think that's a daily agonizing problem for every parent all the time. And I think I've done a decent job at that most of the time. But when I've made mistakes, I've made mistakes by being lazy. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:48]: I think let's move over to the book too, because you started talking about that. And one of the things that I noticed early on in the book was that you describe the soccer journey as starting innocently enough and something and then slowly becoming something far more consuming. So I guess looking back together now for both of you, when do each of you think the dream subtly shifted into something heavier? And did you realize it at the same moment or at different times? Scout Murray [00:13:15]: It's kind of a confusing story because I think if you asked me when I was seven what I wanted to do, I would say be a professional soccer player. I was very committed from an early. I mean, he still says I never, ever would have missed a soccer practice, ever. And it wasn't because I felt guilty. It was just because I genuinely loved soccer more than anything. And the soccer setting in Chicago is very interesting because it's not super, super high level inside the city. So I think I just was like, if I'm playing on a decent team and I'm the best player and I love all my teammates, I'm gonna play at a super high level. Like, I had never been told otherwise. Scout Murray [00:14:00]: That's just kind of what everyone. I was known as the SOCCE player. I made varsity as a freshman at my high school. Everything was going. Seemed to be like, going great. And then right about when Covid hit, I started training with a new trainer. And he basically was like, if you don't get better, you're not going to play D1 soccer. Like, let alone the top schools, you're not going to play D1 soccer. Scout Murray [00:14:23]: And that was a wake up call for sure. And I just Decided. I remember, like, I think I just one day was like, I need to change clubs. And I just decided, like, I need to step it up. Like, I just know I do. So we tried out for the best team in the state. And that was a terrible wake up call. I mean, so many tears. Scout Murray [00:14:42]: Yeah, it was a terrible. So I think in that moment was when we both were like, oh, yeah. David Murray [00:14:49]: There'S a scene in the book where she shows up at this tryout, and it is the best team in the state and maybe in the nation at that time. And so I was there with her. What we both saw, we were unprepared for it. And there was crying all the way home by her and silenced by me because I had nothing to say at that point. She had to switch clubs, and she had just gotten her driver's license. And now she's driving herself to an hour north of town for this soccer, for this torturous, incredibly hard, not very nice people around this team soccer. And she cried all the way up half the time, and she cried all the way back half the time, but she did it. Scout Murray [00:15:27]: But that. I think that is when, like, we both realized. It wasn't even a question whether I was gonna do it either. I had a tissue box in the passenger seat and would, like, seriously cry because I dreaded it so much. And the fact that, like, it was just. I. I have, like, many notes that I wrote of me saying, this is all for a reason. Like, this is all for college. Scout Murray [00:15:53]: So I think that's when I realized. Actually, I don't even think I realized it in the moment. I was just like, this is what I have to do. But I think looking back, that is, like, very telling of how much I really did want it and how much work I was willing to put in. David Murray [00:16:07]: And nobody was telling her she had to do that. She decided to do that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:11]: What you just said there, not every person would be willing to keep going. And that says something to push through the pain of the hard times and come out at the. The other side of being able to play D1 soccer, even though you did have to go through some hard times to get there. David Murray [00:16:28]: I mean, it's amazing. All parents look back. You see your kid as this little baby who basically couldn't feed herself. And you kind of. At some levels, at some level, you see them as that always. And then you look back and, like, I look back at what she went through with during COVID Cold calling these schools. Every. All these guys went through Covid. David Murray [00:16:48]: Then all this torture of Driving to this. These horrible practices. Then there was tort that. That there was nothing guaranteed. Then it was more torture to get into colleges. And you just look back and go, this kid was just doing all that and just showing so much character. And you just kind of. I'm amazed. David Murray [00:17:04]: Looking back at it, it looks more amazing. Going back at the time, I was not, like, cheering from the sidelines all the time. I was telling her, did you call? Did you email that? Those guys? But looking back, she did almost all that by herself, and it was amazing. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:17]: You know, I think back in looking at the book scout, your dad wrote honestly about moments when his emotions or reactions didn't align with what you needed as a player or even as a daughter. So I guess as you think about that from your perspective, what do you most wish that parents understood about what kids actually feel during and after games? Scout Murray [00:17:40]: I honestly think that's not an easy question to answer because I don't think there's anything that can be said. Like, unfortunately, I think. I mean, from my experience, I was, like, asking for something to be said, but whatever was said wasn't gonna work. And I knew that. But I think I would text him, how did you think I played? And I would never text him that if I played well. Like, ever, ever would I text him that if I played well? Because it's like, I. Well, I played great. Like, you saw it and I felt it. Scout Murray [00:18:16]: But if I'm asking, what is he gonna say? Like, he's never gonna be like, you played bad. So I think it's just listening and just hearing, just letting any rant that needs to happen. And I honestly think the only thing you can do is say something positive that happened during the game. I think you did it as. As good of a job as that as you. Like, you worked as hard as you possibly could. He would always say that. And that's true. Scout Murray [00:18:40]: That's something I can take away from that. Okay, I. I gave it everything I had. So I think just trying to find something positive to say, but other than that, just. I would say I would avoid any criticism in that moment. Any criticism, because maybe the next day or if they ask or something, but even if they ask right after the game, I would avoid any criticism, because I guarantee you there's already enough criticism inside our heads. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:07]: You know, David, also in the book, there's a number of moments where you name and own some moments when you became the kind of sports parent that you never wanted to be. How did you learn to recognize those moments in real time? And what helped you repair trust afterward with Scout? David Murray [00:19:23]: Yeah, I don't think I needed to repair trust with Scout because I don't think Scout was the victim of those things. I don't think. But I remember in the book I talk about a moment when they were like 8 years old and this goalie let a ball through her legs and she was not a good goalie and suddenly was enraged at her and her parents for putting her out there. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:44]: And. David Murray [00:19:44]: And I just. You must dissociate from it. I mean, what I really learned was don't sit with the other parents. The parents have this weird culture where they start to make comments and it starts to build on itself and they start complaining about the players and the refs and the coaches and it's like its own virus. So I took the lead of one of our parents who would just stand way down at the very end of the field by himself. If you do that, you're not going to be shouting crazy things at the players. You're down there by yourself. You're more likely to shout crazy things at the players when you're among the other parents and letting yourself get into arguments. David Murray [00:20:19]: I would get into arguments with my wife because she had a different way of looking at the game. And I just started just getting away and being by myself. And the other thing that I learned, this was an accident, but I started doing, filming a lot of the games and taking pictures. And that was such a good instinct because it got me in the right frame of mind. It got me in the frame of mind as I'm trying to capture the beauty of this. Who cares if it's a 2 to 1 game in Schaumburg, Illinois, and they're 9 years old? Nobody's going to remember any of the scores. But if I take a wonderful picture of her coming down the sideline or of one of her teammates, then I've got that forever. And it doesn't matter what the score of the game was. David Murray [00:20:55]: And doing that put me in the right spirit and got me out of the. The headspace of giving a crap who wins a game among 8 year olds. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:03]: I can definitely remember those type of games and I can definitely relate to what you're saying with how parents fed off of one another and how that built. So I appreciate you sharing that. David Murray [00:21:14]: There was one time in the car on the way home where it was one of those games and the parents were all mad about how the team had played. And we're driving home in the car and Scout's mom and I Are, like, all quiet in the front seat. And I think she's still in our bed. Car seat in the backseat. She was that young. And I remember her going, wait, are you guys mad? She's incredulous. And we were kind of, like, sheepish, like, oh, I guess we are mad for some reason. Get over it now. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:39]: Scott, one of the book's powerful moments or themes that I noticed was that how much you valued team connection and belonging, not just performance. So for you, when competition got intense, what helped you stay grounded in the joy and the relationships rather than the pressure? Scout Murray [00:21:59]: I think that was something that, in college was really hard, and I would say a lot because of my parents, but I think all growing up, it was like finding the joy in the game and finding the joy in having these teammates. And we'd always watch this movie, Dare to Dream, which was. What was it? David Murray [00:22:19]: The 199099 Women's World Cup. Scout Murray [00:22:21]: Women's World cup team that was just so close and so had so much fun together. And so I think I really wanted to play D1 soccer because I love the game, but also because I know I've seen it, how close these teams get. And so I think that's what I wanted my whole life. And finally getting there, I did get all of that. I got my best friends, my future bridesmaids, hands down, the best friends I've ever had. But I think because it is such a competitive level, it was really hard for me to remember that at times. And I think it's hard to not become selfish, honestly, because at the end of the day, you never want to be the person that's not playing. There were times when I. Scout Murray [00:23:09]: Every single one of my best friends were in the starting lineup, and I'm the only one that's not. And that was, like, really hard to deal with. Like, okay, I absolutely love these people, and I do anything for them. But I also hate you right now. I really do. Like, and it was really hard to, like, figure that out. And I think looking back, there were so many moments that I would hate them. At practice, we'd get in a fight. Scout Murray [00:23:37]: I mean, this was, like, intense. Every single practice was, like, this intense. And then after, who would I be crying with about it? All of them. So it was just looking back, I'm like, I really was grounded the whole time. I knew these are my people. I think in the moment, though, it was hard to recognize that. But I think looking back, they were the reason why I was doing it. And if I didn't have them, I couldn't have done four years of such intense competition. David Murray [00:24:06]: And I think Scout going in, valuing that made her very much of a social leader on the team. She wasn't the team captain, but in a lot of ways, I think if you ask these folks, she'd say she was a big important part of the bonding and culture of the team because she sort of knew going in that that was part of her mission. Maybe a little bit more than some of the other players knew going in. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:27]: Now, I know you both talked about the journey to the D1 and being able to get to that point in the scene in the book surrounding the Division 1 scholarship offer. It really was filled with, I could tell, relief, tension, second guessing, some silence. If you could revisit that car ride now, what would you say to your younger selves and what would you say to other families facing that exact moment? David Murray [00:24:55]: I think that's partly just natural to feel that way. I would prepare people. It doesn't matter. If you want to be a physicist and you get into Harvard and you're going to be the great physicist, you go from the world being your oyster to a very specific thing that's now happening to you. College seems to close up the possibilities. And so even, yes, we'd gotten her scholarship dream. She was going to get a scholarship. She was going to play Division 1. David Murray [00:25:22]: But, well, it's at this school, it's in Ohio. At that time, it was only a 1/3 scholarship offer. Did we do the right thing here? You feel like your aperture just gets narrowed and you go, this is my life now. I think I would advise people just to be prepared for that feeling. Honestly, I think it's kind of natural. Scout Murray [00:25:39]: And I remember being very happy and just excited in the car while we. David Murray [00:25:43]: Were yelling at each other. Scout Murray [00:25:44]: Yeah, I was fine. I don't know about you, but I think it was also just a lot of fear. Like, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I didn't know anyone from Ohio. Every single person was from Ohio except for me. I had never heard of the school. I didn't know if I was good enough to play D1. There were so many things that I think it was just like a lot of fear. Scout Murray [00:26:06]: And I would say the same for you. We had just had no idea what we had just signed up for and we were just going with it. David Murray [00:26:13]: I don't think I'd tell anybody how not to feel that way. That's how you feel when you take a big risk. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:18]: So, Scout, your dad said at the beginning you played Your last soccer game for ou. Now that you're on the other side of the journey, what did soccer give you that still shapes who you are today? And what, if anything, did it take that surprised you? Scout Murray [00:26:32]: I think I now know how much strength I have and how much I really can do if I really want something. And I would say all the little things that I did, one moment in particular is in the middle of my junior year season. I had just come back from an injury. I was no longer playing much. I had gone from starting to playing 20 minutes a game. And I was so deeply wounded. I genuinely felt like I was heartbroken. And I still got up every morning at 6am in the cold, dark weather and practice extra for an hour before practices. Scout Murray [00:27:12]: And I think knowing that even when I'm in that deeply sad state, I can still do really hard things, I think I can take for the rest of my life, even when things aren't going well or I had no idea if going extra was going to make me play. There was no promises. So I think I can take that into my job, my relationships, into a lot of areas in my life. Something that it took from me, I actually don't know. David Murray [00:27:39]: I talk in the book about the opportunity cost of all this. When your kid's little, you want them to see all of life. You want them to see every aspect. You want to introduce them to art and music and books and culture and places and Paris and Istanbul. And I'm a journalist and so I. I saw a lot in life and I wanted her to see everything. And I will say that if you get your kid involved in youth sports, that eliminates some of those things. We did a lot. David Murray [00:28:09]: Scout went to China on an exchange program. We went to Thailand. We did a lot of stuff as a family, and she did a lot of stuff herself. Soccer wasn't her whole life, but even so, you spend a lot of time at Hampton Inns, you spend a lot of time on the road to soccer tournaments, and you spend a lot of the time think and talking about soccer. And so I don't know if Scout feels that cost or something, but when I imagine all the possible things Scout could have experienced in her first 21 years, I think soccer sort of eliminated some of those things. And I think that's a fact of life. With as intense as modern youth sports. Scout Murray [00:28:44]: Are right now, I don't even think I would say I missed a ton in my youth because of soccer. Maybe I did, but I would say mostly like college, if you decide to play college sports you have to accept that you're going to miss. I mean, I don't have many friends outside of my team is one thing, and that sucks. I mean, they're my best friends, but we're all pretty similar in a lot of ways. We have a lot of the same interests and goals. So I think that is something I missed out on. Meeting a lot of different, interesting people and not being able to travel abroad. I think there was a lot of stuff that I definitely. Scout Murray [00:29:22]: College sports are. It's a job. It is truly a job, and you need to be prepared for that, because I don't think we knew exactly how much. I mean, I don't regret it at all. David Murray [00:29:33]: But I mean, I remember asking the coach, and I didn't want her to join a sorority, but I said, could she join a sorority, for instance? And he's like, no. No one's ever done that. She's in her sorority. It's called the soccer team. Scout Murray [00:29:45]: And I think it's year round, too, which I think D3 is much less year round. And I think people often say, like, well, you're out of season now. It's like, no, it's still practice every single day. And. And. And someone asked me today actually, how are you feeling about soccer ending? And I'm like, you know, I'm really sad, and I think the sadness will hit me later on more. But I am also enjoying being a regular person right now and thinking about my career. I've truly never really had to think about my career until now. Scout Murray [00:30:18]: So I think I'm really excited for grad school because that's kind of my time to just be a normal person and dive into my passion in psychology. David Murray [00:30:27]: So, yeah, there was a moment when Scott was thinking about trying to go pro and play in Europe, and she said, you know what? How about not? How about let's figure out what else I'm good at? Which I thought was a good spirit. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:37]: You know, I guess the one last thing that I think of when I think of the book is if you are talking to a dad, a dad's listening right now that has a young daughter just starting in her sports journey, whether it's soccer or some other sports. What's one piece of advice that you'd give him so he stays connected to his daughter, not just her performance. David Murray [00:30:57]: I think it's the same advice that my dad gave me. It was his philosophy of raising kids. I think it's so easy as a parent to see that what kids are dealing with, whether it's soccer stuff or whether it's friend stuff that it's kid stuff that small problems, you have a mortgage to pay. This kid only has some little dispute with her third grade buddy. To the extent that you can take their problems as seriously as your problem because they're actually much more serious because they're dealing with that for the first time. I've paid my mortgage a thousand times, but they're dealing with that for the first time. And there were times when I didn't do that as a dad. Scub's probably thinking of it right now. David Murray [00:31:37]: One time I got so flustered at the amount of sturm undrang about her seventh or eighth grade friends, I yelled, these aren't your friends. These are practice people. Incorrect thing to say. But you feel that way as a parent a lot. I think to the extent that you can take your kids problems as seriously as you take your own because they are serious, you do a pretty good job of parenting if you do that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:01]: Well, we always finish our interviews of what I like to call the dad connection six and a lot of times it's just a dad on the call. So I love it when we have a dad and a daughter on because I'll ask you both some questions here. First and foremost, scout. What's one word that describes your relationship with your dad? David Murray [00:32:17]: Easy. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:18]: And how about you, David? David Murray [00:32:19]: I would say close. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:21]: Scout. What's the best piece of dad advice you've ever received? Scout Murray [00:32:25]: I actually told him this yesterday when I was younger. He said I was complaining about having to do something I didn't want to do, soccer homework or something. And he said what's a professional? And I said what? And he said someone that does something even when they don't want to do it. And I've definitely taken that I told him yesterday much. I don't think he realizes every morning that I had to go early to soccer practice and didn't want to. I would think about that. So that's definitely. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:55]: Yeah, good job. And David, I'm gonna flip it back on you. What's the best piece of dad advice you've ever received? David Murray [00:33:03]: The best piece of advice I got was from a paramedic pal in Chicago who about a week before my daughter was about to be born, he saw that I was, I don't know, I was acting nervous or something. He said, what's the matter? I said, I'm nervous. He said, why? I said, well, well, parenting. He said, what do you think that is? Parenting? Do you think that's like some set of tricks that you're gonna put out there and say all the right things at the right times. He said, no. Ultimately, your kids get you and your wife for 18 years, and you can try to be as good as you can, and you can try to use as many techniques as you want, but basically, if you're good, that's good, and if you're bad, that's bad. And that gave me a sense of comfort. Like, I knew that basically I'm good, basically my wife is good, and that we could only screw this up so much at that point. David Murray [00:33:49]: And I think that gives you a little bit of confidence, I think. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:52]: Scout, what's one activity that you and your dad love doing together? Scout Murray [00:33:56]: Playing tennis. David Murray [00:33:57]: And lately, billiards. Scout Murray [00:33:58]: Yeah. Playing pool is our new obsession. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:01]: And, David, do you echo that, or is there something else that you would add to that? David Murray [00:34:05]: Well, I like running half marathons with her, but she hasn't done it since she was 11, so I guess that's out. I love playing sports with her when she was little. I say in the book, a lot of parents are living vicariously through their kids. That's why they. They had kids in sports. I just wanted a playmate. I wanted somebody to play with, and she was always great. From, like, 2 or 3 years old, she would be in pretty competitive sports with me. David Murray [00:34:26]: And she was my sports buddy growing up. So we still are. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:29]: And, David, a couple of questions for you. If you could give Scout one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be? David Murray [00:34:35]: It would be my dad's lesson to me, which was, this was in. In the old timey, sexist way. But he would say, every once in a while, a fellow ought to do something he's a little afraid of. And there have been times in life when I was on the edge of doing something and thought, should I do this? This is scary. And I did that thing, and I think it's always been good. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:56]: And what's one thing you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad? David Murray [00:35:00]: Oh, that I'm an emotional disaster. I like, I don't know how this is with you, but I think about in my 20s, I think I cried maybe once a year. In my early 30s, before I had Scout, maybe I found some reason to cry once a month because I'm movie or something. As soon as she was born, I cry at card tricks and supermarket openings every day. I cry just about every day. I just finished reading the audible version of this book. Yesterday was my last studio session. There's some emotional spots at the end. David Murray [00:35:32]: It was so embarrassing. I Just could not get through it. And it is totally obnoxious if you're listening to an audiobook and the author starts crying. So I simply wasn't going to put up with that. But I had to do like, like five takes. So I think I've learned that about myself. I'm emotional and I like that. That's. David Murray [00:35:47]: I'm much more emotionally open than my father was. And I feel good about that, actually. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:52]: And finally, for both of you, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? Scout Murray [00:36:00]: I would say from an early age, try to be as open and honest as you can, because I think kids pick up on that. That and from an early age it was very clear that there was never lying, there was never secrets. And I think that like really stuck with me. And I was raised with the impression that it was always okay to be honest about how you're feeling and not build up resentment. So I think, and I think sometimes that's hard. I have friends that aren't close with their dads and I think it's because neither of them are honest and neither of them share when they're upset with each other. And I think doing that will create a good atmosphere. David Murray [00:36:41]: I think I learned while being honest with her when she would ask me difficult questions when she was young, questions I wasn't sure I should answer. I think I also learned that kids, when they ask you a question, they will let you answer and they'll stop asking questions when they don't want any more information. I can't think of an example right now, but there were times where she would ask me a question, maybe about how babies are born or where all this stuff, and you would answer to a point and then the kid would stop asking and then two years later they'd start asking again. And so I felt that you deciding what kids should and shouldn't hear or can and can't handle, they kind of actually decide it for themselves and they take care of their own business in that way. And you should err on the side of telling more, I think. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:37:23]: Well, Scout David, I really want to say thank you. Thank you so much for being here today. David, if people want to find out more about you and the book, where should they go? David Murray [00:37:30]: They should go to a website called soccer dad story.com you can prerequisite ordered the book. The book is out April 14, but it's available for pre order now wherever books are sold. And it's available in the audible version, which as I said I just finished and I think it's a fun listen. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:37:46]: Well, again, thank you both so much for your time today and for sharing your story. And scout, I wish you the best as you move into the next phase of your existence post soccer. Now you can sit and watch soccer and enjoy that instead of being on the field specifically, or at least having the pressure of being on a D1 team. Scout Murray [00:38:07]: Exactly. Exactly. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:09]: Well, I wish you both the best. Scout Murray [00:38:10]: Thank you so much. David Murray [00:38:11]: Thanks so much for having us. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:13]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs. Musical Outro Performer [00:38:43]: We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming passengers Messengers we spend the time we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world too now Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can be.

What does it mean to be fully present for your daughter? In the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Mark Reinisch, author of The Wellness Ethic, to explore the art and heart of intentional, love-centered fatherhood. If you want practical insights, real stories, and meaningful encouragement for nurturing your most important relationship, this episode is for you. Mark reigns as the perfect guest, bringing not just expertise—he's the father of two daughters—but also vulnerability and wisdom from his personal journey. His story of supporting his daughter Emma through a multi-year struggle with chronic headaches and migraines is deeply moving. Through overwhelming medical challenges, Mark witnessed Emma's resilience and learned the profound impact a father's presence and support can make. Moments of victory, like the day her headaches disappeared, offer hope and inspiration for any parent facing adversity. The episode's main theme is clear: wellness is not a luxury—it's a responsibility. Drawing from his book, Mark emphasizes that love is "the north star" of wellness for dads. He shares honest lessons learned, admitting mistakes like being overbearing in sports and how tuning in to your daughter's interests, at her pace, creates deeper bonds. This is connection not as a grand gesture but as a daily practice—being present, listening, showing up for games, carving out one-on-one time, and evolving alongside your daughter. Dr. Christopher Lewis and Mark discuss responding to your daughter's stress and imperfection with compassion, modeling vulnerability, and reframing setbacks as opportunities. Mark's "accept, frame, respond" model from his book is a powerful tool for helping daughters build lifelong resilience and self-compassion. Another gem from this episode is applying the 80/20 rule: focus on the vital few actions that make the biggest difference in connection, knowing every child's needs are unique. This conversation isn't obsessed with perfection—it's grounded in love and presence. As Mark Reinisch says, "Connection will evolve as you both grow, but nurture it, and love will always be there." Whether you're a seasoned dad or just starting out, these lessons will change how you show up for your daughter—and for yourself. Listen now to the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast and start building stronger bonds today! TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have an opportunity to work together to welcome on this journey that we're on with our own daughters. And today on the dad and Daughter Connection, we're driving into a conversation every father should hear. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:07]: Our guest is Mark Reinish, author of a new book called the Wellness Ethic. It's a thoughtful and often humorous guide to living a more intentional, joyful and love centered life. In his book, Mark introduces concepts like the Wellness Ethic, which is a valued centered devotion to wellness, and the idea of the self actualized genius, which is that inner voice that encourages us to be our best self. So throughout the book, I really love the fact that he blended personal stories, self reflection, mindset tools and the 8020 rule to make wellness accessible and realistic. And he brings a perspective that matters to this show specifically because he's a father of two daughters himself. So today we're going to be talking about his own journey as a father, but also we'll be talking about some of the things that he learned in writing this book and some of the connections between being a father and what he was sharing in this book for you. In reading the book myself and looking through the book myself, Mark's goal is simple nurture the wonderful gift of our existence and help others do the same. So I'm really excited to have him here to talk to him about both these aspects and to introduce him to you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:30]: Mark, thanks so much for being here today. Mark Reinisch [00:02:32]: Oh, thank you for having me. Looking forward to it. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:34]: Well, I'm really excited to be able to talk to you and I know as I just mentioned and, and I know in our conversations you have two daughters yourself and I've got two daughters myself. I and I love being able to start the show really delving a little bit into that and talking about that, that, that bond that Those connections that we have with our daughters. And I guess, first and foremost, I know there probably has been many meaningful moments that you've shared with your daughters, but think about what's one meaningful moment that really stands out to you and what made it so special. Mark Reinisch [00:03:07]: I, of course, love my two children dearly. One is 31, Audrey. And then the other is 24, Emma. One experience that I'll point out that I write about extensively in the book was with Emma and she was a high school freshman and she started to have shoulder issues and she had to give up her rowing career because she ended up having shoulder surgery. And we thought, okay, we'll get that fixed and then she'll move on. But then more pain started to occur and then she ended up breaking her ankle at the end of her freshman year because she was going to start getting into cross country running. And so she had put that on hold. Then we were starting to plan once she recovers from that, well, maybe you won't be running soon, but we'll start riding our bikes because we shared a lot of activities. Mark Reinisch [00:04:01]: I've always done that with both of my children. And then at the beginning of her sophomore year, she started to get these horrific headaches, basically a level four to six nonstop. And then she started to get migraines. And this was every single minute of every single day. So that continued. We went to every doctor imaginable and it got to the point after a couple months of literally non stop pain that she had to be pulled from school. And this was pre pandemic. So it was a paradigm shift for, for us. Mark Reinisch [00:04:34]: And to make a long story short, it ended up being a two and a half year ordeal where every single minute of every single day she had a headache at the level of a four to six. And then five to seven times a day she would get a migraine that would jack up the pain to an 8 to 10 level. So witnessing that happen to her, but then seeing how she never gave up on life, the resilience to overcome that pain and do her darn, to live her life and find meaning, be involved in school activities even though she was homeschool, she still in clubs, and to be fully engaged in trying to exercise and to try to find meaning and joy, it was incredibly inspirational. But going back to your question, Chris, the moment when she started to take Botox, that started to control the migraines better. And then she, the doctor prescribed this muscle relaxant that started to reduce the level of her headaches, but she still had a level three to five headache every single minute of every single day. So it didn't resolve all of it. But then she took this extended version of Flexor all, which was the muscle relaxant, and that miraculously wiped out the headache altogether. And the moment she took it, she didn't tell us anything about it. Mark Reinisch [00:06:03]: And for a couple of days, she would not respond to us when we asked, well, is it working? And then after around three days, she told us that the headache was completely gone. She had gone a full day, couple days without any pain after two and a half years. And I'm getting goosebumps even talking about it that moment. Good Lord. Wow. My wife and I will never forget that. It was like a massive ray of sunshine about life's possibilities again for her. So very magical moment because as a father, as you know, as a parent, in a way, you may live through your children, you'll suffer any pain yourself if you can relieve any suffering for them. Mark Reinisch [00:06:47]: So for. For that miracle to happen was quite amazing. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:51]: That's an amazing story. And it really shows also some of the things that we deal with as fathers in regards to really hearing and being present for your daughters when they truly need you and even when they don't need. And I guess as I think about what you just said and talking about that intentionality with both of your daughters, what did you do in the past or even now to truly make your daughter feel valued and heard? Mark Reinisch [00:07:21]: A whole bunch of things. One thing I would mention is being very careful not to have them live your dreams and your vision for their life. One of the things that really surprised me with my children is I expected the second one, Emma, to be just like the first one. So the oldest, Audrey, was very personable, athletic, very creative, and she was going down a certain path. And I expected Emma to be a carbon copy. Same parenting style, but they had some similar interests, but very divergent interests. And what I was very careful about is not try to try to shape them in my image other than teaching values, you know, really emphasizing character, challenging them in a way. Actually, that was a common approach with both of my children to help them build a strong moral and growth foundation, but really be in tune with what they're interested in, what they're curious about, what they want to be challenged with. Mark Reinisch [00:08:26]: And then once they show an interest in something, how can we double down and triple down and find a way to support that and stretch our means wherever possible to help provide opportunities. So an example, my oldest daughter started to play soccer, and it was many years after her friends had started, so she was behind. But she had a dream to play in high school and really have fun with the sport. So we hired a coach to help skill up. She joined club soccer and all that, But I also would spend weekends at the field running soccer drills, trying not to overwhelm her. But hey, if you want to get better, I'll try to coach you and do basic things to try to improve her skills. Even though I've never played soccer, never really even loved the sport, but now I love the sport because she loved the sport. So being in tune with their needs and helping them and coaching them to get the most out of, you know, their dreams, I can tell just by. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:32]: What you're saying that you're definitely in the weeds. You're involved, you've been involved through their lives and you've made those intentional decisions to be able to help them to become the women that they've become in their lives. And I guess none of us are fallible, though, and we all make mistakes as fathers. So what's a mistake that you made as a father and what did you learn from it about building a either more positive connection or a stronger bond with your daughters in the end? Mark Reinisch [00:10:02]: One example, it's sports related. Again, not everything was sports related. But my youngest daughter took an interest in basketball probably when she was five or six years old, and she just had a natural ability with it. And I've always played basketball ever since I was little. So that was my sport the moment she became interested in it. All right, I'm all in on that. So I became a coach during the summer league and would coach her there. But then this was unlike soccer, with basketball, I have a laundry list of really good drills that are going to build skills. Mark Reinisch [00:10:37]: Dribbling, shooting, the strategy of the game. I just love the sport. So here's this 6,78-year-old girl who expressed some interest in basketball. Amazing ability. Now you have an overbearing father who's trying to teach her everything I know about this sport, even offering, hey, if you want to before school starts, let's do some things because you say you really want to be great at this, well, I can help you get there. And I overwhelmed her and turned her off on the sport where she lost interest and moved on. And it was because I was overbearing. I learned very valuable lesson. Mark Reinisch [00:11:16]: So the next thing that she was interested in, I would nurture that. I would coach her, but I would be much more in tune with where she wants to go at the pace that she wants to go. And that was incredibly valuable to her. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:30]: In that I mentioned at the beginning that you have a new book called the Wellness Ethic. And in your book, your book says the meaning of life and the north star of the Wellness Ethic is love. For dads. What does it look like to build a relationship with your daughters where love isn't just a feeling but a daily practice? Mark Reinisch [00:11:51]: I think at the heart of it is engagement on their terms. So it's multifaceted, it's being involved and present in their life to the best of your ability because you know things can be hectic, you have a lot of other priorities, but every day it's finding that connection. So some examples could be. And I write about it this in the book. I've always had to work full time and I always viewed it as a job and a half, whether it's traveling, overtime, weekend work. But on the side, I always had side hustles because I was pursuing my dreams as well. So that would be writing a book that took six years, 20 plus hours a week. I launched a social media startup, did that for four years with a co founder, ended up selling that and wrote a dozen screenplays. Mark Reinisch [00:12:46]: So I've always been very active on the side. But despite that, the priority was if they have a game, I'm there. We made my wife and I a sacrifice where she wanted to be a stay at home mom. So we found the financial means to be able to do that. And I would carve out time on weekends to go out to lunch with one of the children, one on one and just connect. So it was really finding that quality time or it was coaching them or it could be they wrote a paper for school and they wanted my perspective on it, so I would review it and work with them on creative writing. Even with my social media startup, I gave them a percentage or 2 of the net worth of the company. Not just because I love them, but because they actually played a role in it. Mark Reinisch [00:13:38]: They would give feedback on screen designs, they would even design some screens in our try to incorporate some of those aspects into the web design. They would test things, they would post things, use it so they, they were actually legitimately involved in it. So I would find ways to try to involve them in some of the things that I was leading. So it's being very intentional to find ways to connect on their terms, involve them in, in your life and gauge how that's working, is it well balanced? And if you notice a deficit, you gotta reengage and go be because maintaining that connection is so Vital. And that was a big part of my life purpose. So it came naturally. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:23]: Now also in your book you talk about the self actualized genius, that internal guiding force and that encourages us to live as our best, healthiest selves. How can a dad act from his self actualized genius when his daughter is upset, stressed or melting down rather than reacting in frustration, anger or shutting down? Mark Reinisch [00:14:48]: Yeah, the book really is a guide to nurturing the wonderful gift of your existence, to getting the most out of your life, building a healthy mindset. And it's all gearing a person up. So you get to the point where you don't react so much to what's happening around you, but you choose your response, you're intentional, the decisions you make. Because at the end of the day there's really just two things you control in life. That is your mindset in the moment. So you can choose to be happy, you can choose to be angry, you can choose to be peaceful, controlled. And the second thing you can always choose is your response to what happens to you. So if you have an angry child who's very upset, you could react, yell, worsen the situation, you could walk away, that could be your reaction. Mark Reinisch [00:15:37]: Or you can with, with calmness, as much as possible you can choose a response that's going to help diffuse the situation, look at the big picture and help guide that interaction to a better place. And that all starts with your mindset and that the control you have over how you respond. Then on top of that, Chris, if you really practice some of the principles that I talk about that really defines a self actualized genius, one of the overarching principles, and it ties back to the meaning of, of life, which is to feel and share love. If you take a love centered approach to what's happening around you, if you lead with love, as I talk about in my book the Wellness Ethic, then you're going to approach that situation not from anger yourself, not in a punitive way necessarily, but you're going to approach it through love. And you're going to try to guide your child in a direction that's going to promote love in their life as well. Easier said than done. But if you have that focus, you're going to find that you get better and better at it and your child is learning in the process as well and is seeing a very positive way on how you can deal with conflict. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:57]: So true. And I've seen it in many ways in my own kids lives and the way that I act or react to situations. So and I think that Leads to another point that I noted in your book, which I felt that a powerful part of the book talks about kind of what you were just talking about, that we have to respond to our kids in different ways and the idea of responding perfectly to the imperfect so often rules our life. Dads are like any other humans that are out there and we get things wrong, whether that's through discipline, communication, work, life balance. How do you feel that fathers can model imperfection in a healthy way so that their daughters learn self compassion instead of fear of failure? Mark Reinisch [00:17:41]: It's being vulnerable yourself. It's talking about the challenges in your life and how you're dealing with them. It's helping them put in perspective the challenges they have and the mistakes they have. It's not overreacting to when they do something wrong. And it starts with yourself. So if one of my children does something wrong, even today I really have tried to train my mind to think in terms terms of, okay, well yeah, that was imperfect behavior. I wish they hadn't done that. However, none of us are perfect. Mark Reinisch [00:18:15]: I've made plenty of mistakes. Show some compassion and focus more on the positive. Well, there's a whole lot to be grateful for because that child of mine is so smart, so compassionate, such a good person, has done wonderful in school, is well intentioned and she may have fallen short in this case but in the big picture she'll learn from it. Not the end of the world. And when you come from it from that perspective, it really can be a game changer and a big part of this. Kristen it's going back to talking about being a self actualized genius or at least striving to be your best self. A big part of being able to do that is building a foundation which gets at wellness and well being. So it's nurturing your mind to be a more positive thinker, to be more grateful for your blessings, to be more resilient, to be able to detach from the bad things that may be happening and choose healthier responses. Mark Reinisch [00:19:13]: It's taking care of your body. It's creating positive energy from being more spiritual and bringing more love and connection into your life. It's nurturing positive relationships. When you start to have those pieces come together and understanding they're never going to be perfect. You're always going to be working on things. But that also reflects life in itself. Life will never be perfect for anyone. We always have challenges. Mark Reinisch [00:19:39]: But the more you move forward in a positive direction, build healthy habits, you find that you're much more resilient when Stress occurs, you are better positioned to choose your response rather than overreacting. So that's how wellness can really be an enabler to healthy relationships with your daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:59]: I mentioned at the beginning that you write about the 8020 rule for wellness, focusing on the small percentage of actions that create the biggest, biggest impact. If a dad wanted to improve his connection with his daughters using the 8020 rule, what would the vital few practices be? Mark Reinisch [00:20:18]: That's a terrific question, and there's no one standard answer. Because what the 8020 rule says is basically, if you focus on the vital few things, let's say the 20% of all the things you could do and focus on the most important things, you're going to get 80% of the positive impact. So you don't spread yourself thin and try to do everything under the sun. But each child and each relationship that you have with your children is different. Your child has different needs, you have different needs, you may have different constraints. So in my example, the 20% that I focused on with my child, Emma, as she's going through the headache, the situation was very different than the 20% I focused on my older daughter who wasn't having those medical issues. So it's really, I believe it's meeting the moment moment based on the reality of where you're at, what's working, what's not working, what does your child need? So that 20% may mean that you do have to rebuild your relationship. You have to find more common ground, spend more time together doing things that you both enjoy to build up that relationship. Mark Reinisch [00:21:29]: That 20% in some cases may mean that you need to tutor your child to help them because they may be struggling in school, they may be struggling socially. So you have to, to see how you can support that. They may need to see a psychiatrist if they're really struggling in some areas. So it's being in tune with what their needs are and then determining how can you focus your efforts to meet them based on what they need. So there really isn't a standard pat answer to that question. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:59]: Now finally today, one final thing that stood out for me in the book is you write about reframing setbacks like, like your layoff, not as a disaster, but as opportunities. And many fathers may have something like this happen to them in their life. So how can dads teach their daughters to see challenges through a productive frame, especially in a world where stress comparison and self judgment are so common? Mark Reinisch [00:22:26]: That's such a important life skill, no matter what age you are, what situation. And that goes back to choosing Your response to what happens in your life. And knowing that I was writing a book about wellness again, mind, body, spirit, relationships, your personal and professional pursuits, and on and on. And that to really get the most out of your life, to nurture the wonderful gift of your existence, a big part of that is building healthy habits and introducing meaningful change in your life that you adopt. That stands the test of time. So knowing that that's not easy, otherwise we would all be there, right? I wanted in the early part of the book to build some essential life skills that will help you move forward in a positive direction with confidence in your life. So I had a chapter on building habits, adopting change. And I also had a chapter on this model that I call the accept, frame, respond model. Mark Reinisch [00:23:25]: And that is something that you can work with your children on to help them come to grips with challenging situations. So the first step is you accept what is happening, happened. You accept the reality of what has happened. You're not in denial. So if you fail a grade, if your child fails a grade, well, that happened, you know, and you can blame others, but the reality is it still happened. And you have to come to grips with the truth of what happened. Where, yeah, there may have been some extenuating circumstances out of your control, but you may have also contributed to that challenge. So accept the truth of what has happened, then frame it in the most realistic, but life affirming way. Mark Reinisch [00:24:09]: What is a positive frame, how you can view it, your mindset towards what has happened, that's going to put you in a position to move forward. So in my life, for instance, when I was laid off the first time at bank of America, it was during the Great Recession of 2008, 2009, job market dismal, housing market plummeting, and I was underwater. But I had just gone through a life coaching certification. So I really had this positive outlook and a lot of tools at my disposal. What I chose to do was to frame that layoff as actually a gift. I wasn't enjoying my life and financial services. I wanted a career change. And this was going to prompt me to find a way to move forward. Mark Reinisch [00:24:51]: And I knew that myself and my family were going to find a way to survive. So I had that positive energy to move forward. So framing what has happened in a positive light, yet realistic light is very important because once you have accepted and framed what has happened, then you can choose, choose the best response that's going to move you forward in a positive direction. So when you're coaching your children as they're going through difficulty, you help them to accept and frame it in a positive way. Then you explore with them what are all the different ways that you can move forward and what is going to be the potential outcome of those choices. And as that opens your child's mind to the possibilities, quite often you're going to of see a little spark and some enthusiasm coming into the equation where they're going to think, hey, there's a silver lining here. I can go down a path that could be pretty darn exciting, that helps them to start to move forward. Then you support them on that journey. Mark Reinisch [00:25:51]: So it can be a very powerful approach. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:53]: Now, Mark, we always finish our episodes with what I like to call the dad connection. 66 more questions to get to know a little bit more about your own relationship with your daughters. So. So. Are you ready? Mark Reinisch [00:26:06]: I am ready. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:06]: What's one word that describes your relationship with your daughters? Mark Reinisch [00:26:10]: Love. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:11]: What's the best piece of dad advice that you've ever received? Mark Reinisch [00:26:15]: It was from a teacher and it was simple. And they were talking about when they're at the dinner table with their child and there was a second helping. They always wanted that second helping, but they let their child have it. And that simple story spoke volumes about parenting. It's about them. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:35]: What's one activity that that you and your daughters love doing together? Mark Reinisch [00:26:39]: We absolutely love to go hiking in national parks, being on mountaintops and just seeing the splendor of nature. We absolutely love that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:49]: If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be? Mark Reinisch [00:26:54]: Move forward in the direction of your dreams and to expand upon the Thoreau quote that I'm sharing, you will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:05]: What's one thing you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad? Mark Reinisch [00:27:09]: When I first became a dad and I wrote about it in the Wellness Ethic, it was incredibly intimidating. I didn't think I could do it. How could I connect with a newborn? How could I nurture a child, help them become an adult? It was intimidating. But then I quickly realized that every father is in the same boat. How on earth do you do this? But millions and billions of fathers have found their way to be able to be really good fathers. And that is such a valuable life lesson to any situation that enter the arena and you will figure out a way to be successful. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:51]: And finally, what's one piece of advice that you would want to give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? Mark Reinisch [00:28:01]: To me, it's all about connection. Finding that bond and nurturing that bond, but being able to, to evolve over time. And that's one of the secrets about any kind of relationship that you have a lot of overlapping interests, love, support, things that you share. And that evolves over time. And it can diverge if you don't tend to it and nurture it. But if you nurture it and evolve as you and your daughter are both evolving and find a way to maintain that connection and it will change, the terms of it will change. But if you maintain that connection, the love will always be there. And so that's what I would. Mark Reinisch [00:28:45]: That's the advice I would give. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:46]: Well, Mark, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing all of this today. If people want to find out more about you or the book, where should they go? Mark Reinisch [00:28:53]: Well, two places. If you go to any online bookseller like Amazon.com, type in the Wellness Ethic, you'll be able to get a print version, hardcover, soft cover or ebook. Or go to wellnessethic.com for a website on the book book. And one reward is on the website wellnessethic.com there's a video of me in a business attire jumping off a cliff at Crater Lake, 30ft down, 35ft into the water. It's quite entertaining and there's a lot of meaning behind it that I talk about in the book. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:29]: Well, I hope that you've heard today that in this conversation that I hope you've heard today in this conversation that you know, to me, this conversation is a powerful reminder that wellness isn't a luxury, it's a responsibility. And in Mark's words, happiness isn't something you chase, it's something you choose, respond to and build through love. So I encourage you that if today stirred something in you, the desire to be more present, intentional, more connected, I encourage you to check out Mark's book. I'll put a link in the notes today because the book is truly really it's a thoughtful, vulnerable, funny and practical book. It's got a ton of things inside it that'll make you think and help you have a different perspective on not only your own life, but the life that you want to have and the way in which you want to father. So for me, if you take one thing from today's conversation, I would take this. I would say that fatherhood is not about being perfect, it's about being present. You've heard that before in the show show, but you've definitely heard it today. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:33]: Mark reminds us that our daughters don't need a flawless dad. They need a dad who pauses instead of explodes, listens instead of fixes, designs, time for family instead of hoping it magically appears and loves them out loud, not in silence. Because connection isn't about building big moments. It's built in small rituals, software words, shared laughs, and honest apologies. So this week, do something. Choose one thing to do. Take a walk together. Say I love you without a reason. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:07]: Ask what made her smile today. Give her your attention for 10 minutes. That's what this book is all about. That's what the wellness ethic is in action. That's how you nurture the wonderful gift of your existence and hers. So, Mark, again, thank you. Thank you for your wisdom, your vulnerability, and for reminding us to nurture the wonderful gift of our existence. I really appreciate you being here for sharing today, and I wish you all the best. Mark Reinisch [00:31:33]: Thank you very much. I enjoyed it. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:35]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs. Musical Outro Performer [00:32:05]: We're all in the same boat. Musical Outro Performer [00:32:12]: And it's full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game. Musical Outro Performer [00:32:33]: Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the to. Musical Outro Performer [00:32:49]: Now. Musical Outro Performer [00:32:53]: Be the best dad you can. Musical Outro Performer [00:32:56]: Be. Musical Outro Performer [00:32:58]: Be the best dad you can.

Hey dads! Welcome back to Dad Connections in 5, your quick, practical guide to building a stronger bond with your daughter—one honest, intentional moment at a time. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we're talking about a powerful but often uncomfortable truth: why admitting when you're wrong actually strengthens your relationship with your daughter. We're dads. We want to protect, guide, and lead. And sometimes—whether out of pride, stress, or habit—we act like we always need to have it all together. But here's the thing: your daughter doesn't need you to be perfect. She needs you to be real. So in the next five minutes, I'll share why admitting your mistakes builds trust, how to do it without undermining your role as a parent, and what it teaches your daughter about confidence, humility, and respect. Why Owning Your Mistakes Matters When you admit you were wrong, you're showing your daughter that: ✅ It's okay to be human. ✅ You value honesty over ego. ✅ Respect is a two-way street. And most importantly, you're teaching her that accountability is a strength—not a weakness. Because one day, she'll make a mistake. And what you've modeled will shape how she responds to it. What Happens When We Pretend We're Always Right? ❌ It creates distance. ❌ It teaches her that making a mistake means losing worth. ❌ It can leave her feeling dismissed, unheard, or frustrated. But when we say something as simple as, "I was wrong, and I'm sorry," something amazing happens—walls come down, and trust goes up. 3 Practical Ways to Own Your Mistakes as a Dad 1. Call It Out Clearly Don't bury your apology in excuses. Keep it simple and direct. ✅ "I was wrong to raise my voice earlier. That wasn't fair to you." ✅ "I misunderstood what you were saying, and I jumped to conclusions. I'm sorry." The more direct and sincere you are, the more powerful your words become. 2. Share What You Learned from the Mistake Your apology becomes even more valuable when it shows growth. ✅ "I've been really stressed, but that's no excuse for snapping. I need to manage that better." ✅ "Next time, I'll make sure I listen before I react." You're not just saying sorry—you're showing her what it looks like to learn from failure. 3. Invite Openness in Return By being vulnerable first, you create a space where your daughter feels safe doing the same. You can say: 👉 "Have you ever felt like that too?" 👉 "What do you think I could've done better?" It shifts the dynamic from "dad talking at daughter" to "dad growing with daughter." Quick Takeaways: Start Today! Here's your challenge: The next time you realize you overreacted, misjudged, or made a mistake—say it. Clearly. Out loud. And mean it. ✅ Own your part. ✅ Keep it simple and sincere. ✅ Use it to model growth, not guilt. Your daughter doesn't need a perfect dad. She needs one who's willing to grow, to own his missteps, and to treat her with the same respect he expects in return. Because when you admit you're wrong, you're not losing authority—you're gaining something far more powerful: trust. That's it for today's Dad Connections in 5. If this spoke to you, share it with another dad who wants to lead with humility and strength. Until next time—keep showing up, keep growing, and keep leading with love. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

Hey dads, welcome to another episode of Dad Connections in 5, the podcast where five minutes of practical advice can help you build a lifelong bond with your daughter. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we're diving into something you already have daily opportunities to teach—problem-solving. Here's the big idea: You don't need a classroom, a curriculum, or a crisis to teach your daughter how to solve problems. You just need to slow down, involve her in real-life decisions, and ask the right questions along the way. In this episode, I'll show you why teaching problem-solving is one of the best gifts you can give her, how to use everyday situations as teaching tools, and give you three practical tips to try—starting today. Why It Matters Life is full of challenges, and your daughter will face her share—at school, with friends, in future jobs, and even in relationships. ✅ When she knows how to work through problems, she becomes more confident ✅ When she learns to think critically, she becomes more independent ✅ And when she sees that failure is part of learning, she becomes more resilient You're not just helping her get through today—you're building the tools she'll use for a lifetime. Everyday Moments Are Teaching Moments The next time a challenge comes up—don't solve it for her. Instead, use it to coach her through a process. That's how learning happens. Let's say she can't decide what to wear to a school event, or she's frustrated with a classmate, or even struggling with a tough homework assignment. Ask questions like: 💬 "What's the actual problem here?" 💬 "What are some options?" 💬 "What do you think might happen if you try that?" 💬 "How would you feel about the outcome?" You're not giving her the answer—you're helping her find her own. That's powerful. 3 Simple Ways to Teach Problem-Solving Through Daily Life 1. Narrate Your Own Problem-Solving Out Loud Let her see your thought process. ➡️ "I'm trying to figure out the best way to fix this leaky faucet. I could call a plumber, or I could look up a video first. Let me try the DIY route and see how it goes." It sounds simple, but modeling how you work through problems teaches her it's normal to try, fail, learn, and adjust. 2. Let Her Struggle a Little (with Support) It's hard, but don't rush in to fix everything. ✅ Give her space to think ✅ Be her sounding board ✅ Ask guiding questions, not leading ones She may get frustrated, but that's part of growth. Tell her: "You've got this—I'm right here if you need help, but I want you to try first." 3. Celebrate the Process, Not Just the Outcome Even if her solution doesn't work, focus on her effort: ➡️ "I love how you thought that through." ➡️ "You didn't give up. That's what matters most." ➡️ "Next time, you'll have an even better idea." This builds grit, and shows her that making mistakes is part of solving problems—not a sign of failure. Quick Takeaway: Try This Today Here's your challenge: The next time your daughter comes to you with a problem—don't solve it. ✅ Ask her what she thinks ✅ Talk through the options ✅ Support her as she tries her solution Big or small, every problem is a practice run for life. Because the goal isn't to remove every obstacle—it's to teach her how to climb over them on her own. And when she does? She'll carry that confidence with her forever. [Closing Music] That's it for today's Dad Connections in 5. If you found this helpful, send it to a fellow dad or save it for the next teachable moment that shows up unexpectedly. Until next time—keep showing up, keep asking good questions, and keep helping your daughter grow into a confident, capable problem solver. Hey dads, welcome to another episode of Dad Connections in 5, the podcast where five minutes of practical advice can help you build a lifelong bond with your daughter. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we're diving into something you already have daily opportunities to teach—problem-solving. Here's the big idea: You don't need a classroom, a curriculum, or a crisis to teach your daughter how to solve problems. You just need to slow down, involve her in real-life decisions, and ask the right questions along the way. In this episode, I'll show you why teaching problem-solving is one of the best gifts you can give her, how to use everyday situations as teaching tools, and give you three practical tips to try—starting today. Why It Matters Life is full of challenges, and your daughter will face her share—at school, with friends, in future jobs, and even in relationships. ✅ When she knows how to work through problems, she becomes more confident ✅ When she learns to think critically, she becomes more independent ✅ And when she sees that failure is part of learning, she becomes more resilient You're not just helping her get through today—you're building the tools she'll use for a lifetime. Everyday Moments Are Teaching Moments The next time a challenge comes up—don't solve it for her. Instead, use it to coach her through a process. That's how learning happens. Let's say she can't decide what to wear to a school event, or she's frustrated with a classmate, or even struggling with a tough homework assignment. Ask questions like: 💬 "What's the actual problem here?" 💬 "What are some options?" 💬 "What do you think might happen if you try that?" 💬 "How would you feel about the outcome?" You're not giving her the answer—you're helping her find her own. That's powerful. 3 Simple Ways to Teach Problem-Solving Through Daily Life 1. Narrate Your Own Problem-Solving Out Loud Let her see your thought process. ➡️ "I'm trying to figure out the best way to fix this leaky faucet. I could call a plumber, or I could look up a video first. Let me try the DIY route and see how it goes." It sounds simple, but modeling how you work through problems teaches her it's normal to try, fail, learn, and adjust. 2. Let Her Struggle a Little (with Support) It's hard, but don't rush in to fix everything. ✅ Give her space to think ✅ Be her sounding board ✅ Ask guiding questions, not leading ones She may get frustrated, but that's part of growth. Tell her: "You've got this—I'm right here if you need help, but I want you to try first." 3. Celebrate the Process, Not Just the Outcome Even if her solution doesn't work, focus on her effort: ➡️ "I love how you thought that through." ➡️ "You didn't give up. That's what matters most." ➡️ "Next time, you'll have an even better idea." This builds grit, and shows her that making mistakes is part of solving problems—not a sign of failure. Quick Takeaway: Try This Today Here's your challenge: The next time your daughter comes to you with a problem—don't solve it. ✅ Ask her what she thinks ✅ Talk through the options ✅ Support her as she tries her solution Big or small, every problem is a practice run for life. Because the goal isn't to remove every obstacle—it's to teach her how to climb over them on her own. And when she does? She'll carry that confidence with her forever. [Closing Music] That's it for today's Dad Connections in 5. If you found this helpful, send it to a fellow dad or save it for the next teachable moment that shows up unexpectedly. Until next time—keep showing up, keep asking good questions, and keep helping your daughter grow into a confident, capable problem solver. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.