The Dating Lab

In this special milestone episode, Alyssa Dineen steps behind the microphone for her very first solo episode of The Dating Lab. Drawing from her personal life and years of professional experience as a midlife dating coach , Alyssa opens up about her own journey, sharing the exact story of how she met her partner of nine years, Yoav, on Tinder and how that unexpected relationship became the blueprint for her signature framework: The Date Vanilla Method.Alyssa deconstructs the common misconceptions surrounding the word "vanilla," explaining why a "ho-hum" profile or an initial lack of instant, overwhelming chemistry is not a sign to run, but rather an invitation to get to know someone real. She shares how her first few dates with Yoav lacked conventional "fireworks" and explores why continuing to show up allowed deep, lasting chemistry to develop over time. Moving beyond her personal story, Alyssa analyzes the broader patterns behind her clients' biggest success stories, demonstrating how a shift toward evaluating values, integrity, and emotional availability moves the needle for adults over 45.Finally, Alyssa addresses the current explosion of the online dating coaching landscape. She offers critical advice on how to navigate conflicting professional guidance and emphasizes the importance of following mentors who truly understand the unique nuances of midlife transitions, divorce, and late-stage dating. Empowering, practical, and deeply honest, this episode is a foundational primer for anyone ready to lower their guard, reframe their expectations, and date with authentic clarity.You'll also hear about:(00:45) Alyssa’s first solo episode: Sharing her personal love story and client success patterns(01:30) Deconstructing "Date Vanilla": What it really means and why it doesn't mean settling(02:50) Meeting Yoav on Tinder: Re-evaluating immediate messages and the "same-day date" myth(04:35) The early dates: Navigating work-morning matcha, restaurant running jokes, and zero initial chemistry(08:00) The fourth date turning point: Overcoming the fear of leading someone on to give it one last shot(09:45) The mirror moment: Shifting from a comfortable friendship foundation to off-the-charts fireworks(11:55) Deconstructing a vanilla profile: The green flags of respectful communication over showy bio lines(13:25) Redefining high standards: Shifting focus from superficial traits to core values and true availability(16:25) Sifting through the noise: Navigating a saturated coaching landscape to find advice tailored to midlife datersRate, Review & Follow The Dating LabListen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share - it helps more people discover the show.Learn more about Alyssa Dineen:Visit Style My ProfileFollow Alyssa on InstagramFollow Alyssa on TikTok

In this insightful episode of The Dating Lab, Alyssa Dineen is joined by Dr. Jenn Kennedy, a clinical sexologist and licensed marriage and family therapist based in Santa Barbara. Together, they explore the psychological underpinnings of first impressions and how much of attraction is decided in those initial few seconds. Dr. Jenn breaks down the unconscious sorting our brains do and why what we say we want often differs from the patterns we actually pursue.The conversation delves into common dating traps, such as unconsciously seeking out partners similar to our exes to heal old wounds, and how to break the cycle by choosing healthier, if seemingly less "dramatic," dynamics. They also discuss the myth of "low desire" in midlife women, reframing it around the need for more satisfying and connected sexual experiences rather than just a biological deficit.Finally, Dr. Jenn shares actionable advice for sustaining long-term attraction through healthy interdependence. She introduces the concept of "sensate focus," explaining how slowing down physical touch and treating early intimacy as a mindfulness exercise can calm the nervous system, reduce performance anxiety, and create a deeper erotic connection.You'll also hear about:(01:55) What happens psychologically in the first few minutes of meeting someone and the unconscious sorting our brains perform.(05:45) Why textual banter and intellectual engagement can increase physical attraction before a face-to-face date.(09:02) The psychological reasons we unconsciously seek out the same toxic patterns and how to break the loop.(12:24) The "cat from the pound" analogy: Why replacing your ex with a similar model is a recipe for disaster.(13:44) Navigating the "limerence" phase and the milestones needed to truly know a partner beyond the initial chemical spark.(17:47) How maintaining individual silos and bringing rich experiences back to the partnership sustains long-term attraction.(20:16) The crucial difference between codependence and healthy interdependence in a relationship.(22:49) How dressing well and showing up thoughtfully signals your self-worth and impacts the partners you attract.(33:02) Debunking the myth of "low desire" in midlife women and the reality of their sexual needs.(38:38) Using the 1950s "sensate focus" protocol to slow down intimacy, reduce anxiety, and explore non-genital pleasure.Rate, Review & Follow The Dating LabListen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share - it helps more people discover the show.Learn More About Dr. Jenn KennedyVisit: The Pleasure Project at pleasureproject.usEmail: drjenkennedy@gmail.comFollow Dr. Jenn Kennedy: Find her on Instagram and YouTubeListen: Pleasure Project Sex and Relationships podcastLearn more about Alyssa Dineen:Visit Style My ProfileFollow Alyssa on InstagramFollow Alyssa on TikTok

In this insightful episode, Alyssa Dineen sits down with Leah Mazur, a certified divorce recovery coach, founder of Mindfully Ready, and co-creator of The Next Chapter membership. Drawing from her own deeply personal journey through three marriages, Leah shares how she overcame her fear of being alone and stopped using serial monogamy as a "life raft."Leah offers a candid look at the mistakes she made jumping into relationships too quickly to numb her loneliness, and how doing the inner work completely transformed her approach to dating. She breaks down the critical difference between true compatibility and toxic chemistry, which often just mimics familiar childhood wounds, and explains why getting divorced means your dating standards should actually be higher, not lower.Alyssa and Leah also tackle the realities of modern dating for single moms, the unspoken necessity of financial independence, and the science that proves why the "staying for the kids" narrative is harmful. This conversation is packed with actionable advice on how to build a fulfilling life so that a partner becomes an addition to your happiness, rather than the source of it.You'll also hear about:(04:43) Leah’s wake-up call after her first two marriages and how she stopped making choices based on the fear of abandonment.(09:25) The crucial mindset shift: Going from "Am I good enough for him?" to "Does he add value to my life?"(11:12) How Leah's third marriage resulted in a peaceful uncoupling and a lifelong, stable stepdad for her daughter.(16:54) Why you must build a healthy relationship with yourself before you can model one for your children.(18:20) Unlearning the toxic relationship narratives fed to us by Romcoms and Disney.(20:47) The biggest post-divorce dating mistake: Dating just to numb the loneliness.(21:28) Chemistry vs. Compatibility: Why the "spark" might just be a familiar, toxic nervous system response.(27:05) The importance of financial stability so you don't choose a partner out of survival mode.(33:53) Debunking the "stay for the kids" myth and why a mother's happiness directly correlates with her children's well-being.(40:45) The Next Chapter membership: A resource hub for moms navigating high-conflict divorce and co-parenting.Rate, Review & Follow The Dating LabListen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share - it helps more people discover the show.Learn More About Leah Mazur:Visit: mindfullyready.comCheck out: The Next Chapter MembershipFollow Leah on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and YouTube: @MindfullyReadyLearn more about Alyssa Dineen:Visit Style My ProfileFollow Alyssa on InstagramFollow Alyssa on TikTok

In this energizing episode, Alyssa Dineen sits down with celebrity wellness expert, motivational speaker, and "Mind-Body-Soul Connector" Robert Brace to discuss the transformative power of movement on our mental health and self-esteem.Robert shares his philosophy on why fitness isn't just about aesthetic changes, but about regulating the nervous system and building a deep sense of trust in oneself through consistency. They dive into the science of how movement produces serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin to create joy, calm, and connection.Alyssa and Robert also tackle common midlife myths, like the fear of "bulking up" from lifting weights or the belief that "those days are over", and reveal how strength training can actually reverse biological age and improve longevity. Whether you have 10 minutes or an hour, this conversation offers practical advice for anyone looking to reclaim their confidence and feel at home in their body again.You'll also hear about:(01:27) The "Confidence After Movement" theory: How exercise produces joy, calm, and bliss(04:20) Why 20 minutes of intensity is the magic number for the "runner's high" and endocannabinoid release(07:04) How consistency builds self-trust and self-esteem(08:48) The danger of being "outcome-oriented" in both fitness and dating(10:45) The ROI of movement: Yoga, breathing, and lifting weights in 10-minute bursts(12:43) Why lifting heavy weights is crucial for women in midlife (and won't make you bulky!)(16:45) Overcoming the "Those Days Are Over" mindset and reclaiming your vitality(19:41) Reversing biological age: How clients are clocking in 15 years younger than their chronological age(26:35) How to stay motivated when you don't see immediate results(28:42) "Motion is Lotion": Navigating setbacks, surgery, and the importance of just keeping movingRate, Review & Follow The Dating LabListen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share - it helps more people discover the show.Learn More About Robert Brace:Visit Brace Life StudiosFollow Robert on InstagramLearn more about Alyssa Dineen:Visit Style My ProfileFollow Alyssa on InstagramFollow Alyssa on TikTok

In this powerful and deeply reflective episode, Alyssa Dineen sits down with iconic stylist, designer, author, and midlife advocate Stacy London for a conversation about identity, confidence, aging, and the evolving meaning of personal style.Best known as the co-host of What Not to Wear, Stacy shares how her philosophy has shifted from prescribing fashion rules to helping people reconnect with their own agency and intuition. She opens up about the emotional impact of being judged publicly, the limitations of trend-driven fashion, and why clothes alone can never be the source of true confidence.Alyssa and Stacy explore the intersection of style, self-worth, and midlife transition, including menopause, women’s health, and why this life stage deserves more honesty and visibility. They discuss sustainable fashion, vintage shopping, overconsumption, and how building a wardrobe with intention can reflect who you are now—not who you used to be.This episode is an empowering reminder that style is not about fitting in or fixing yourself, but about trusting what makes you feel alive.You’ll also hear about:(01:00) Stacy’s evolution from What Not to Wear to personal empowerment(03:10) Why modern culture no longer needs traditional style “experts”(04:20) The difference between personal style and trends(05:45) Constructive criticism, judgment, and agency in fashion(07:00) The emotional impact of public scrutiny(08:15) Stepping away from the mirror and redefining confidence(10:00) Why clothes can’t be the foundation of self-esteem(11:20) What’s broken in the fashion industry today(12:45) Why women are underserved by fashion brands(14:30) Midlife style challenges and finding the middle ground(17:10) Why vintage shopping supports individuality(18:30) Favorite vintage and resale platforms(22:40) How to shop vintage with intention(25:00) Clothing swaps, resale, and circular fashion(27:00) Building a wardrobe with “character builder” pieces(28:55) Overconsumption and fashion’s environmental impact(31:30) Midlife transitions and living with more presence(33:00) Why Stacy closed State of Menopause(35:40) Menopause as a health and lifestyle issue(37:30) The business of menopause and women’s health(38:50) The emotional costs of midlife for women(41:00) Reframing menopause and aging(42:45) Identity, introspection, and trusting yourself(45:30) Reclaiming freedom, confidence, and self-expressionRate, Review & Follow The Dating LabListen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share—it helps more people discover the show.Learn More About Stacy LondonFollow Stacey on FacebookLearn more about StaceyLearn more about Alyssa Dineen:Visit Style My ProfileFollow Alyssa on InstagramFollow Alyssa on TikTok

Episode SummaryIn this fun, honest, and incredibly relatable episode, Alyssa Dineen sits down with dating coach and creator of Finding Mr. Height, Ali Jackson, for a conversation about burnout, rebuilding joy in dating, and the surprising way she met her current partner through real-life events—not apps.Ali shares the story of how she unintentionally became a dating creator through her Close Friends list, the monotony of going on endless “okay but not great” dates, and the mindset shifts she used to keep going even when dating felt exhausting.Alyssa and Ali dive into the realities of modern dating: messaging fatigue, over-attaching to outcomes, relying too heavily on apps, and what happens when you finally decide to start showing up in-person again. They get into the full story of how Ali met her partner—including the event that changed everything, the 4AM bar moment, the “Skyline” nickname, and why taking initiative ended up being such a good thing.If you’re feeling drained by dating or unsure how to keep going, this episode is a reminder that connection can show up when—and where—you least expect it.You’ll also hear about:(01:50) How Ali’s Close Friends list accidentally turned into a dating community(03:50) Sharing more publicly during the pandemic and finding her voice(05:00) Experiencing dating burnout from endless “meh” dates(10:20) How to find excitement in dating without attaching to outcomes(12:30) The simple post-date question that changes everything(15:30) Why texting too long creates false chemistry(19:30) The moment Ali realized she needed to date differently(20:20) Her commitment to attending two in-person events a month(21:20) Viewing events as opportunities—not pressure-filled missions(23:00) The April event that set everything in motion(31:30) Staying out until 4AM and how “Skyline” got his nickname(33:15) Why Ali decided to ask him out first(35:00) Why finding love later made the relationship stronger(37:05) Embracing your “weird” as the best dating filterRate, Review & Follow The Dating LabListen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or anywhere you get your podcasts. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, review, and share—it helps others discover the show!Learn More About Ali JacksonFollow her on InstagramListen to the Finding Mr. Height podcastWork with Ali through her coaching programsLearn more about Alyssa Dineen:Visit Style My ProfileFollow Alyssa on InstagramFollow Alyssa on TikTok

In this peek behind the curtain, host Alyssa Dineen sits down with two of her own Style My Profile dating coaches, Max Nussenbaum and Katherine Paulsen. Max and Katherine get vulnerable, sharing the real, unvarnished stories of how they met their spouses on dating apps. They dismantle the myth of "love at first sight," revealing how their own "slow burn" relationships started with less-than-perfect first dates and grew into marriage. This conversation is packed with aha moments about recognizing a sustainable partner, trusting your gut, and why the "best first date ever" might actually be a red flag. Max and Katherine pivot from personal stories to professional advice, sharing the single most impactful tips they give clients for crafting authentic, effective dating profiles that attract the right person.You'll also hear about:(02:58) Max’s story of meeting his wife on Bumble and their journey to marriage.(08:08) Why a "too amazing" first date can be a red flag for future relationship success.(09:50) The crucial mindset shift: Separating what you're instantly attracted to from what makes a healthy, long-term partner.(11:05) The power of the slow burn: Max reveals his wife actively didn't like him on their first date.(20:22) Katherine’s experience of dating someone she was infatuated with versus the secure foundation she built with her husband.(25:26) The "Muted Version of Self": Why it can take up to five dates for someone's true, wonderful personality to emerge.(27:22) The ultimate question: How many dates should you go on before you call it quits?(31:39) How to have low-pressure "check-in" conversations in early dating to build trust and communication.(36:05) Pro Photo Tip: Use the majority of your photos to showcase personality, not just to prove you're attractive.(37:48) Pro Bio Tip: It's not what you say, it's how you say it—and how to find your authentic voice.(41:34) A game-changing hack: How looking at profiles of your own gender will instantly help you avoid clichés and write a better bio.This episode is for anyone feeling fatigued by modern dating, wondering if they’re doing it wrong, or ready to shift their mindset to find a lasting partnership.Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you listen to podcasts!Learn more about Max and Katherine:Connect with Katherine on LinkedInConnect with Max on LinkedInLearn more about Katherine on her WebsiteLearn more about Max on his WebsiteLearn more about Alyssa Dineen:Visit Style My ProfileFollow Alyssa on Instagram Follow Alyssa on TikTok

In this thought-provoking debut episode, Alyssa Dineen welcomes professor, dating methodologist, and founder of the Burned Haystack Dating Method, Dr. Jennie Young. What began as a personal quest to fix her own dating app experience quickly turned into a viral movement empowering thousands of women and non-binary people to reclaim their time, agency, and standards in dating.Jennie shares how her background in rhetoric and discourse shaped the creation of her method, why clarity and directness are game-changers in dating profiles, and what most success stories have in common. Alyssa and Jennie also unpack the current state of online dating - from gender divides to toxic patterns - and explore how choosing based on character over chemistry is transforming what makes someone truly dateable.This episode offers a powerful mindset shift and real-world tools for anyone navigating the chaos of modern dating.You’ll also hear about:(01:55) How Dr. Jennie Young used rhetorical analysis to decode dating apps(06:00) Why women are opting out of online dating—and what that means(10:40) Sexualization in dating apps and the rise of objectification(15:50) The five profile traits that lead to real matches(22:00) How to set boundaries that filter, not alienate matches(26:40) The culture shift toward choosing emotionally available “nice guys”(31:00) Why chemistry is not the best dating metric, and what to use instead(34:20) Dating profile red flags like height filters, vague clichés, and anger(38:40) Alyssa’s take on what truly matters when building connectionThis episode is for anyone who’s tired of swiping and ready to date with intention, intelligence, and real hope.Rate, Review, & Follow The Dating LabFind us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you tune in! If you love what you hear, leave a review - it really helps new listeners find us.Learn more about Jennie Young:Visit her WebsiteJoin the Burned Haystack Dating Method Facebook GroupRead more about Jenny’s work on SubstackLearn more about Alyssa Dineen:Visit Style My ProfileFollow Alyssa on InstagramFollow Alyssa on TikTok