The Forgotten Podcast

In this episode of The Forgotten Podcast, Jami sits down with Vania Ferreira to address a sensitive and profoundly challenging topic that foster and adoptive families occasionally face but rarely discuss: what to do when your child hurts another child. Vania opens up about her family's lived experiences with severe behavioral challenges, trauma-induced chaos, and navigating the heartbreaking revelation of child-on-child sexual abuse. Vania shares the raw realities of her family's journey, which began under-prepared as an unexpected kinship emergency placement in late 2013. She details the intense initial year of dealing with extreme anger, threats, and violence from children who had been exposed to heavy domestic abuse. Just as their home was transitioning into a season of calm and trust, the family faced their ultimate nightmare when their child disclosed experiencing sexual abuse and vocalized an active intent to hurt other children. Vania openly describes the overwhelming whirlwind that followed, including police reports, hospital evaluations, state investigations, and a complete lack of public inpatient resources. Throughout the conversation, Vania details how this crisis forced her family into deep isolation, unable to safely participate in church or community events. She addresses the painful legal and emotional crossroads her family endured, caught between threats of child abandonment and child endangerment from the state. Ultimately, the episode highlights the profound spiritual turning point where the Lord challenged Vania to move past natural anger and hatred, choosing to extend the unconditional love and forgiveness of Christ to a child acting out in brokenness. This episode offers critical, life-saving guidance on body safety and boundary rules for young children. Vania provides invaluable advice on teaching accurate body terminology without shame, defining the strict line between secrets and surprises, and establishing safe words. It stands as a vital resource and a message of redemption, reminding caregivers that they are not alone and that true healing is possible through the strength and identity found in Christ. About the Guest Vania Ferreira has been an active part of the foster and adoption community alongside her husband, Rob, since 2013. She is a mother to many, including four children whom they have adopted. Having walked through unexpected kinship placements and navigating complex trauma within her home, Vania is dedicated to breaking the silence surrounding child-on-child abuse by offering families practical boundary education and gospel-centered hope. In This Episode The unique vulnerabilities of entering kinship care through emergency guardianship without traditional foster parent training. Managing extreme childhood trauma behaviors, threats of violence, and a desire for chaos in the home. Navigating the intense aftermath of a child's sexual abuse disclosure, including medical evaluations and state agency investigations. The severe isolation families face when dealing with behavioral safety concerns that prevent them from accessing church or local community groups. Facing systemic gaps, including the total lack of inpatient services for young children and a state system that leaves parents trapped between child abandonment and endangerment charges. The challenging spiritual calling to protect biological children through separation while continuing to love, forgive, and advocate for a child who has caused harm. Practical body safety guidelines for parents, including teaching correct anatomy terms, establishing household boundary rules, and practicing situational exits. Redefining the difference between dangerous "secrets" and safe "surprises" to equip vulnerable children with a protective voice. Creating a family culture centered on Ephesians 6, daily scriptural anchoring, and trusting in the Lord's strength over your own. Resources + Links Full Spectrum Parent by Christian Parenting (podcast) - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/full-spectrum-parent-christian-autism-support-special/id1589016732 The Warner Boys by Ana and Curt Warner (book) - https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40552513-the-warner-boys Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew by Ellen Notbohm (book) - https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/163659.Ten_Things_Every_Child_with_Autism_Wishes_You_Knew Learn more about The Forgotten Initiative - https://theforgotteninitiative.org/ Follow TFI on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/theforgotteninitiative/

My guest for this conversation didn’t set out to have fourteen children in her home. But through every step of her journey, she boldly trusted in the Lord and kept stepping out in faith. Beth van der Wel is not only a biological mom to three, but she is also an adoptive and foster parent to an additional 11 children. Throughout their nearly three decades of marriage, Beth and her husband, Robin, have opened their hearts and their home to however the Lord would lead, which would include welcoming entire sibling groups into their home all at once. From an unexpected nudge toward adoption to watching God bring life and hope to children the world had given up on, Beth has seen firsthand that you don’t have to have a perfect plan to be used by God. Beth recently joined the TFI Team as an Advocate in Marshall County, Alabama. In this episode, Beth shares how she is living out her call to serve vulnerable children, the importance of making caseworkers feel seen and supported, how even 24 hours can have a profound impact on a child’s life, and much more. Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes for this episode: https://theforgotteninitiative.org/beth-van-der-wel-283/

It’s no secret that the child welfare system can be frustrating for children, their biological families, and foster families alike. More often than not, agency workers are the people who have to carry the brunt of this frustration. Yet, if we were to take a look behind the scenes, we would see individuals who care deeply about children and families and are doing their best to secure positive outcomes for the people they serve—but they are overworked, overwhelmed, and often trying to keep up with ever-changing policies. My guest for this conversation is deeply familiar with nearly every part of the child welfare system, from investigations and licensing to prevention and support. Abraham Choate has spent years serving children and families through the Washington Department of Children, Youth, and Families. He’s also a licensed social worker who provides counseling part-time. Abe’s story and perspective offer us a unique look into the realities of child welfare, helping us understand how we can better support and partner with our local workers. In this episode, Abraham shares some of the inner workings on the agency side of child welfare, the stressful environment agency workers are thrust into, the importance of everyone having healthy boundaries, and much more. Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes for this episode: https://theforgotteninitiative.org/abraham-choate-281/

Foster care has a way of changing how we see the world. It asks us to step into hard places, stay present, and let God reshape our perspective. For our latest guest, that’s meant gaining a richer perspective on biological parents, a deeper appreciation for the beauty and challenges of caring for children with disabilities, and so much more. Crystal Paine and her husband have been foster parents to two precious children—one who was medically fragile and reunified with his biological mom, and one who was born premature with significant disabilities, whom they later adopted. Crystal is passionate about supporting biological parents, advocating for children with disabilities, and living out the Gospel through foster care and adoption. In this episode, Crystal shares about leaning on our faith when we’re facing challenges that can be intimidating, how we can be intentional about offering dignity and grace to biological parents, some of the unique aspects of fostering a child with disabilities, and much more. Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes for this episode: https://theforgotteninitiative.org/crystal-paine-279/

Whether it’s across the world or in all four corners of her home, my guest today has over two decades of experience in the foster care and adoptive community. Beth Guckenberger lives in Cincinnati, Ohio with her husband, Todd. Together, they serve as the Co-Executive Directors of Back2Back Ministries, a nonprofit dedicated to providing comprehensive care to vulnerable children and families worldwide. After graduating from Indiana University, the Guckenbergers moved to Monterrey, Mexico, where they lived for 15 years. Between biological, foster, and adopted children, they have raised eleven children. Today, Beth travels and speaks regularly at conferences, youth gatherings, and church services about “reckless faith.” In this episode, you’ll hear the power of trusting God’s plan even when things feel overwhelming, strategies for maintaining a strong marriage in the midst of demanding family responsibilities, some of the hardships and joys that come with stepping into hard places, and much more! Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes for this episode: https://theforgotteninitiative.org/beth-guckenberger-277/

If you’re listening to this, chances are it was passion that first pulled you into your role in the foster care community—whether you’re a professional, a caregiver, an advocate, or a faithful supporter. But here’s something you might not have realized yet: just because you started in one role doesn’t mean that’s where you’ll stay. As we grow and gain experience, our passions often deepen and shift—and one of the beautiful things about this work is discovering new ways to use your gifts to serve children and families in need. My guest for this conversation knows this well! He has seen this work from nearly every angle. Thomas Dent has welcomed children into his home as an adoptive and former foster parent. He has also worked inside Mississippi’s child welfare system as their former Director of Faith Based and Volunteer Services and Foster Parent Liaison. He knows the challenges that come with this calling, but in the face of those battles, Thomas carries a deep, steady hope in Jesus—the Father of the fatherless. In this episode, you’ll hear some of the challenges of working within a broken system, what a blessing a supportive community can be to vulnerable families, how your passion makes your work personal, and much more. Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes for this episode: https://theforgotteninitiative.org/thomas-dent-275/

Content / Trigger Warning: This episode does contain mentions and descriptions of abuse, neglect, and sexual abuse. If any of this may be triggering for you, we recommend you either listen carefully, listen with someone else, or you may even consider skipping this episode. Unfortunately, so many children who enter foster care have experienced some terrible things in their lives. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reported that in 2022, children entered foster care for the following reasons: 62% due to neglect 33% due to drug abuse 13% due to physical abuse 6% due to alcohol abuse 4% due to sexual abuse These are just a few of the circumstances that cause removal, and they total to over 100% because these challenges are not mutually exclusive. My guest for this conversation knows this all too well. Destini McAlister experienced neglect and abandonment while she was still an infant. She would then go on to experience sexual abuse and rejection throughout her foster care journey. Although Destini’s journey was filled with hardship, her story is one of hope. In this episode, you’ll hear how God was guiding Destini’s steps throughout her journey, the importance of processing the past, how hope can be found even in the darkest of stories, and much more. Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes for this episode: https://theforgotteninitiative.org/destini-mcalister-273/