The Grapple

A series won a series lost,A sacred setting, a twisting plotmMaroon and blue, the chase and the hunt.And a whistleblower who apparently doesn't hate a puntTime to grapple with Ashley Kleins tough week, state of origin, and Australia's best ever FIFA World Cup display.Time to work out who wins Origin 2 and why the league press carves out conflict narratives, not unlike villainous media mogul Elliot Carver in the 1997 Brosnan Bond entry Tomorrow Never Dies. 'Tell me James, do you still sleep with a gun under your pillow?'And, for fans of the 90’s spoof classic Hot Shots 2, time to work out why we bought helium.. Instead of air.Life. Grapple. Dig.

And so we arrive at a critical juncturePremiers buckling like a cyclist with a punctureFIFA takes over, Ben Stokes goes on a benderAs Aussie crickets crisis reaches a crescend..aStudio transition pains have forced our heroes into a hibernation at an inopportune time of year. Only a marginal amount of time is wasted getting asses back into gears and the Grapplers are back into it, despite dealing with a few ongoing auditory and technical pieces of evil that they can only express widespread listener apologies for. Origin is well and truly afoot and the teams are dissected with the gentle touch of a year 8 biology student tearing into an unsuspecting mouse corpse. A reverant Mt Rushmore of all time great Origin finishes takes us all down a nostalgic hallway to piece together just why this concept is so bloody enduring. The NRL is broken down into 3 convenient QLD based teams for analysis, while the FIFA world cup is analysed with the analytical depth of a petri dish by by the same year 8 kid who ripped the mouse apart a few sentences ago. Our Grapplers may have lost a bit of touch with the world game since the 2006 world cup but they will join millions of others in firing up for a foreign winner of personal choice, while riding the Socceroos as far as they can manage. And hopefully having more luck in covering it all than Somalian ref Omar Artan had getting into the host country.Elsewhere, cricket is still happening and Australia’s proud history of the odd colored clothing calamity marches on in Dhaka. Amid it all, a pause, a nod, and a sincere hat tip to the Rabbitohs and NRL world for its outpouring and recognition of Jai Arrow’s awful plight. In a season where the fans have been dealing with more emotionally confronting headlines than most.But there is always hope. Because there is always Grapple.

The Chiefs have got their guy, what about the bears?In more ways than one, down the barrel Bellyache staresthe NRL reckon. the games are not too fast and injuries are down.. The more Annersley digs, the more he just look likes a clownIt's a time of great expansion and industry. From the wharves of Wollongong to the gold mines of the Papua New Guinean highlands, wealth flows between the hands of the governing noble class.On the Isle of Aus, a pair of sullen heroes brood in typically robust fashion about the man intrigues of the sport known in ancient Latin as 'rugba lego.' They investigate the nuances of contracting and the likelihood of rebellions surviving the forthcoming harsh winter. As silver crosses oceans and boroughs back home cry foul, the kingdom of NRL forges on with its bold charter. The power radiating from the forge of Moore Parkia doth spell short sightedness, and a brewing storm of great strength from the east. Jurisdiction remains centralised to the capitol, and its shrewd and severe sovereign V'landyssss.For it is sovereign V'landyssss casting greedy eyes on swift battlefield victories, without thinking of the toll on the standing army's of his kingdoms 17 ancient houses. The iron fist remains firmly on the throat of what once was a game, and our heroes are the only ones who can possibly stop it.They just need to find their courage.And some new sponsors.

The QLD Reds wind back the clockThe Wahs deliver an ominous shock Gout and Lachy signal a golden era ahead..And can Flanno put the doubters to bed?Through the trials, tests and tribulations of life, through, natural disaster, acts of god and existential crisis, our heroes stand tall as bastians of high moral, high class, high culture and a smidge of toilet humour.The questions of who controls the news cycle, who controls the rule and does anyone control a raging bull are raised.Does our most valuable sporting franchise have a thin skin and should they just point to the scoreboard( or trophy) ? Is the best way to get a million dollars, to play like you're worth a million dollars? Crazy thought but maybe Drinky builds a case for it. So many ambushes this year we can rename the NRL Pearl Harbour. Who does a job this week? One thing Rugby League teams have never been short of is access to hookers, but that's exactly where the Broncos find themselves. From an embarrassment of riches in the number 9 to an SOS going out to legendary rakes of years bygone.Will Flanno reignite the Dragons to the glory of yesteryear, will the 2026 Tigers be too good at Campbeltown, will Zac continue to improve in Super Rugby and have our heroes really cracked the code of Existence. We are actually living in a simulation. Ergo, we continue taking the blue pill.....or do we dare with the red one......What would a Grappler do......Like it ..share it ..... subscribe to it... -WARNING: EPISODE CUT SLIGHTLY SHORT BY TECHNICAL MUMBO JUMBO WELL BEYOND THE FORCE POWERS OF OUR JEDI OPERATIVES-

Star players dropping like flies, why would you be a coach?PVL reckons its all on the players, now the refs seem beyond reproach? The Queensland Teams are challenged to show some starch…For two of their coaches we say “ beware the ides of March”.....Et Tu Brute? Well No Jules, not really....and don't call us brutes.Far from being brutes, our heroes this week show the slightest whiff of culture that isn't derived from The Simpsons, South Park, Marvel or Star Wars. Shakespeare in fact is the source of musing this week as the vultures circle the not yet deceased carcasses of several NRL coaches. But are they really in trouble? Or are their names simply being tossed up as conversation filler on punditry shows, led by materially compromised panellists, in need of slapping’s of putty to cram between ads and prolonged narrated montages?Only time will tell but no death riding from the two pillars of integrity this week. In a turn up for the books, the show is led out of the barriers by Rugby and the absolute spectacle that is the 6 Nations. The seemingly long bow, bereft of any glimpses in the mirror, drawn by a former All Black great, and the enduring charge of Le Bleu. The Rise of The Tillies runs a close second and arguments abound as accusations are cast like Redford in A River Runs through it and rebutted like a Rafa base line forehand at Roland Garros. Then the nitty gritty gets worked over like all the great franchises with sequels- Xerri v Gus I, Gordy v Reyno III, Gordy v Madge VII, Gordy v Broncos XXVI, Grapple v PVL CVII, and Grapple v the Refs MMCLXXXV. When the 15th of March rolls around each year the 14th says "Beware the ides of The Grapple"Sage advice 14.

The changing of seasons is not lost on our courageous heroes this week.As the spark of summer subsides, and the leaves begin to brown on the autumn trees, the often common bedfellows of Rugby League and Poetry assume their natural and more favoured positions of front and centre in the cultural zeitgeist.Both lionhearted champions wax hysterical on the court cases of Lomax. He really should have had Ivan represent him. Ryan Matterson seemingly had Ultron, The Entity and Hal 9000 pushing his wears to a southern counterpart, all unbeknownst to him. And just like Ethan Hunt he managed to put the back inot the submarine and tell the AI Bots a few words about sex and travel. Discussed the knocking of centuries off many less balls, both on the sub continent and in Albion, the knocking of a certain coach who only 5 months ago broke a two decade premiership drought, the knocking out of a Melbourne front rower and the subsequent ban, the knocking of Bellamy putting Sua to fullback and the subsequent apology and retraction, the knocking of the vegas on field performance but the praising of all things off the field (aside from the final resting place of the games on Fox 2 in the USA Or was it Fox 8?), the knocking of the choice of apparel in the new Channel 7 Footy Show promo photos (and the duds wearing the apparel too) and the knocking of Australia's second best ever leggie. Get a grip Stu.Joel tells Johnny he's gone too far and threatens to jump across the Mic, but that part was unfortunately lost to the cutting room floor.All Grappling is done under the strict supervision of a Welsh wrestling coach. Life is enough of a Grapple these days.

As a new season sets in and the NRL sets its sights on a possible Friday night footy adventure into Sarajevo or Constantinople, our heroes emerge from the gloom with a belated but brazen return to the microphone for 2026.An off season deemed not really worth coming back early for is swiped left quicker than an undesired Tinder approach, and the introspection sorely missing from the current sporting agenda is bombarded with the podcast equivalent of a barrage of unsolicited d**kpics. Our heroes have 3 main issues on their mind around the Why Brisbane Broncos: why have they always been fibbing about Payne Haas and coach Michael Maguire's friendship, why Brisbane media scribes are fibbing about his apparently stated desired longevity at the club, and- to quote the 90's cult classic Hot Shots2- why did we bring helium instead of air?Moving the crosshairs onto NRL Hq, John Mannings attempt at an measured and un emotionally impacted take on State of Origin eligibility changes holds about as much credibility as Australia's T20 cricket squad, who don't escape a spray for combined ineptitude and failure to capitalise on its enormous talent pool. But, aka Mark Waugh, it's easy to throw stones at the setup when you're not a selector anymore. BY THE WAY ORIGIN, why don't you just say you want to see Kiwis and Tongans spending hard earned on $160 synthetic blue and maroon jerseys and talk less about your version of the games fabric? Shitty newscorp headlines claiming non existent beefs are cross examined with prejudice, as is the ABC Sport claim that Australia is the moguls capital of the world. In short- both are BS. But how good is winter sport when all of our would be cereal box heroes have their faces mostly covered by ski masks? 'Look honey, it's Jakarta Anthony.. oh wait no, shit, this is a home invasion!'Six nations rugby adulation rounds out a romp worthy of several replays, with a sprinkle of some classic stories from our heroes alter ego existences as prolific (but never spared from the wrath of a withering director) actors. These idiots are just getting started baby. 2026, the year of the Grapple. Look it up.

Australia bloods more bats.. England phones it inVlandys struggles to put the entire NRL playing group in the binThe Wallabies are a game away from rugbys greatest sinAND the CELTIC COUNTRIES CAUS CHAOS with dramatic last minute winsAlllll happening in the world of sport and our heroes are padded up and ready to take on the new ball, unlike the poms, who’ve played less cricket than the SCG gets every rained out summer in the build up to the ashes. Peter V’Landys continues to derive inspiration from Eastern politics as he carves out an even deeper divide between the NRL and the rest of the sporting world, while the wallabies need to work out how to be less Herschelle Gibbs and more Steve Waugh under the high ball, once they catch their collective breaths from a test schedule clearly inspired by the summer routine of a Guantanamo Bay prisoner. Meantime, the sporting purity of Ireland and Scotlands gargantuan leap into the FIFA World Cup reminds us all of what really matters. Kicks from halfway over a 10 year ban any day of the week. Live. Laugh. Grapple.

It’s chaos as always as the rugby logo moidia dishes up the same number of shoddy headlines, only with less personnel on the tools. Our heroes call into question some of the analytical reads read out by B. Read to millions of mainstream readers. Short version: they stink.Assistant coaches are moving and shaking, rugby league is trying to dine out on the English Super League, as the English team deals with the apparent anxiety and stress of what their own coach described poor buildup to a first test fizzle. As one coach spouts the doldrums, across hemispheres another takes a Fifita sized gamble at the Rabbitohs offer a lifeline to the much maligned Lou Ferrigno doppleganger. The wallabies need serious work and international windows are seemingly sealed against Australian prosperity. Bring them all in whenever they’re available says we. And we can deal with a crash back to earth from our usually all conquering women’s cricket team. A World Cup semi final defeat with 338 on the board batting first doesn’t impact the belief this team remains our country’s best across all codes and comers. Besides, winning in front of a packed Indian home crowd is a treacherous prospect. Spare a thought for the 2 NRL teams who might just end up playing a season opener there if Peter ‘Napoleon’ Vlandys gets his way. Life is for staring down 10 year bans, seeking releases, Pappling, and Grappling.Declare it to be dug, It shalt be dugeth Because life will always be a grapple

The Slightest Sniff of ContextIn the off season you think there’s nothing to doWhy not stay up late and watch the KangroosWhilst we can always rely on a scandal to keep things spiceyJust don’t listen to the media… they info can always a tad The N and L have been removed as prefixes to 360 and this new mob have deeper pockets than Long John Silver. But PVL is his winsome had gone all Don Corleone on players and agents who choose to “ go against the family. Lomax, Papi and Payno will be checking their beds for horses heads. The Roos are clashing for the ashes and the Wallabies have a new 10….. another one….. mad Marky Mark still has his Wallabies carry on. Craig may be giving Hannay a Bellyache but as always the story often gets in the way of truth. Truth seekers honour keepers.Life is definitely a Grapple this week

Talty Must be salty after missing the big danceAs Teddy plays it steady with a season ending romanceThe Bledisloe heads West to the land of the bearsAs the AFL bounces the bounce.. amidst officiating safety fearsAs one of our heroes is this week in the throes of impending ecstasy as Grand Final week descends, the other laments what a 4-0 Colts would have looked like if not for AD Mitchell pulling an old school TO against the Rams. If you know you know. The Broncos bear the pressure of the Lions cracking win and the Storm feel the load of being in a Grand Final…… and very second bloody year! Unpacked is Cleary’s final word on the season 25, The Sharks falling short yet again, Nawanquintawase hitting the mark with hi call heading back to Rah Rah and speaking of Rah Rah, the guys who stolen their name from Braith and Buzz’s nightly Dutch Rudder, R360 propose a clandestine raid on Australia Oval ball experts. Where to next PVL? Who will he ban to maintain the, forever under attack, integrity of Rugba Leg? Players? Agents? Jimmy Kimmel? Only time will tell. Lets Broncos and Melbourne can get Thunderstrucked for all Joely cares. The tips are in, balls have been placed on the line as our great game reaches it crescendo.Will Munster be the conductor? Will Walsh slurp from the spit in the sax?Will Ezra blow on the woodwind or will Payne tackle the Brass?It’s a Graptacular this week boys and girls, so Keep Calm and Grapple

As things in the NRL start heat up in the finals, one Rooster looks like he could be on the rotisserie ready to be bagged up and left in a warmer at your Coles Local for a much longer time than the health department recommends.And as that Rooster rapidly bakes up a near lethal dose of footy salmonella, an equally pungent stench descends upon the crimson and myrtle of Redfern and our heroes tackle the biggest question in sports today- Will Wayne cut the cheese? Speaking of things that stink, Ashley Klown lives to leave an odour on another final, we unpack how the Raiders followed through in the last 20 minutes and the MRC, Judiciary and pretty much the whole NRL cop a well earned crop dusting of verbal, grapplised Flatulence .Never ones to shy away from toilet humour and characterise the once proud NRL as mere Banther Fodder. Stay calm, keep Grappling and watch out for Mynocks.

This week our Humble Heroes are back on deck in the bunker and spewing forth truth bombs for those whose ears are lucky enough to bath in the self-righteousness. Only the most critical of questions being asked in a forum that has zero space for whim, levity or hoopla.Does Madge have the Broncos cherry ripe, or has he run the arse out of Ghem, Dunny Drinker and friends too early?Will Nicho miss the first week of the finals or will the MRC show that they actually have allowed the injury severity to dictate the grading? Will the MENSA hopeful at Fox Sports finally work out the word 'Mitigate" means and why won't Joe Scmidt listen to our positional ideas?Dripping with faux hubris, wrapped in borderline truthful outrage and always as insightful as the bloke who controls the Sky Racing volume at the Brekky Creek front bar on a Saturday.Just like all good art, The Grapple raises more questions than it answers. Get on board with what's being done here... sporting salvation awaits.A rolling Grappler gathers no moss.