The Happy Grownup

The Happy Grownup came about because while I knew the years were flying (at this stage, Time is driving a McLaren like an F1 qualifier) but I couldn’t understand why I didn’t look or feel like I thought I would at this age. I mean, yeah, the mirror made it clear that I was on a bridge way too far from 37, (my perfect imagined age), but rather than taunting me, it agreed with me. I looked damned good! Then why I didn’t see people like myself on TV or in print ads? Instead, we only showed up to illustrate erectile dysfunction, to try on Depends, and to buy reverse mortgages. The marketplace didn’t appear eager to satisfy my taste and reap my cash, even though I’m more likely to afford the luxuriant car, the vicuna coat, the African safari, and the $300 anti-aging cream. Was I the only one who felt attention must be paid? I am so glad I found Sari Botton. Thanks to her Oldster newsletter, I know I am not alone. This intrepid and insightful journalist, essayist, and best-selling author, who was recently featured in a beautiful profile in the New York Times, has created a platform that, like Grownup, spotlights, welcomes, and encourages writers, personalities, and anyone with focus and self-determination a place to celebrate all of us who still believe we have more to see, more to enjoy, and more to do. Oldster, which Sari began in 2021, is now published four times a week as a much-needed forum for every New Ager who wants to know more about what is and isn’t possible to share ideas, reveal challenges, and find a way forward. This past February, I had the pleasure of taking the Oldster questionnaire, which is way more intense than either Vanity Fair’s or Stephen Colbert’s. And it was a delight to share and compare my observations with such previous questionnaire guests as John Irving and Rosie O’Donnell. I don’t have a questionnaire to give out. So that’s why I asked Sari Botton to join me today so that we can celebrate, pontificate, agitate and instigate how to enjoy growing older together.

Why do I love talking to Dana Thomas? Because she knows more about fashion than just about anybody but doesn’t ever gush about clothes with inane commentary like, “She’s killing it!” “Now that’s red carpet realness!,” or “I die!” Instead Dana is refreshing and candid. She can reveal the elusive way designers instigate desire, explain how a growing trend gets marketed, highlight the industry’s influence on our everyday lives, and tell you why looking good matters more than any of us wants to admit. With pragmatic and witty insight, Dana fascinates when analyzing the times fashion’s designers, editors, execs, retailers and consumers work together in harmony as well as when they explode in clashing dissonance. I could talk to her for days.

To the people who work for her, Cathy Hughes is known as the Queen, Her Majesty, or simply Miss. H.You may not recognize her name, but there’s a damn good chance you have connected with at least one channel of the extraordinary communications corporation that she founded 45 years ago. Starting with one lone radio station in Washington, D.C., Miss Hughes soon expanded her reach with an insinuating late-night format that instantly became the soundtrack for millions of us during the ‘70s when we wanted to turn the lights down low. The Quiet Storm featured nonstop R&B and soul music by artists like Marvin Gaye, Luther Vandross, and Teddy Pendergrass at their most sultry and hip-grinding best. Spurred by that success, Hughes founded Radio One, now renamed Urban One, which commands over 60 radio and television stations across the United States, the most prominent distributor of lifestyle information and music content for African Americans and people of color. In 1999, Ms. Hughes became the first woman of color to take her company public. She is an inspiring entrepreneur, educator, musical visionary, force for social good, and a paramount example of self-reliance, resilience, and guts. Our Happy Grownup friend, Aaron Walton says that Kathy’s energy is so constant and formidable that she can make you feel like the laziest person on earth. So with the risk of falling into that demoralized state, I am delighted to welcome this cultural powerhouse, Miss Cathy Hughes.

I will forever be indebted to today’s guest. In fact, because of Winnie Holzman’s startling talent, I have been changed for good. Because on no less than four distinct occasions, her enviable ear for the nuances of speech and behavior have crafted stories that have left me drop-jawed, moved, and entertained. First, Winnie was one of the writers of thirtysomething, one of the few TV series that has ever gotten as deeply under the skin of my generation. If you match the ages of the cast, you watched this show swearing Winnie had been hiding under your bed, eavesdropping on all your dates, arguments, and therapy sessions as you tried to navigate your life and loves during what I found to be my most complicated decade. Then, though My So-Called Life lasted only 19 episodes, no TV series has ever nailed teenage yearning as aptly. Those years propelled by angst and the desperate quest for happiness, colliding with feelings of rebellion, insecurity generated by the need to be noticed, and of course, non-stop sexual frustration and confusion. 30 years later, my so-called life remains eerily valid. You can catch it on Hulu. You really should. Finally, and most gloriously, Winnie Holzman has dominated our holiday season for two years running because she not only wrote the book to that little musical that will never close called Wicked, but she and Dana Fox adapted Gregory Maguire’s novel to co-author the screenplays to the first film and its sequel. Combined, they are a glorious testimony to the power of friendship, individuality, and the magic that happens when you defy gravity. Right now, Winnie Holzman doesn’t need Glinda’s help to be popular, which is why I am over the rainbow to have her here on The Happy Grownup.

I’ve always thought that eating is the most fun you can have with your clothes on. Well, it’s not so bad with your clothes off either. But for as much as I’ve enjoyed and I’m grateful for a career writing about both food and fashion, food does something that fashion doesn’t. It engages all of your senses. I’ve never understood anyone who just eats to live. I mean, like, what’s wrong with you? For me, having a passion for what sustains and soothes us is just one of life’s great delights.And there is no one, absolutely no one, who writes about this big love with more relish, passion, warmth, insight, and more consistent and healing joy than Ruth Reichl. Though Ruth is probably best known to many as the former legendary and mysteriously dressed restaurant critic for the New York Times, and later as the editor-in-chief of Gourmet magazine. You have to read Ruth when she is writing just feet from her kitchen or strolling through a green market to be swept away by her unabashed delight being inspired by the sight of a ruby red rhubarb or chopping up her own steak to make hamburger meat.It’s not just that her writing makes you hungry. She reminds you of the wonder of nature, of the incredible alchemy of cooking, of the immediate satisfaction of creating something delicious and then the magic that happens when you share it with others. Reading Comfort Me With Apples, Garlic and Sapphires, and Tender at the Bone. Damn, I even love the book titles. You can’t help but be seduced by her into believing that food is an endless and uplifting adventure. And if it results in any longing, it’s only because you are not sitting at her table when she serves you her carbonara. I am just tickled that she is here with me this week.

Today I opened Instagram to see Beth Ann Hardison, one of the first black models, agency owners, and prominent advocate for diversity looking spectacular and beaming magnificently at age 82 in her Gucci gown at the Gucci show in Milan, the label for which she is a brand ambassador.Beth Ann was one of our first Happy Grownup interviews, and listening again to her insight, wit. unapologetic arrogance and matter-of-fact-damn-she’s-smart attitude got me so excited, that those of you have not yet heard her need to stop whatever you are doing and get inspired by the most independent person I have ever met. Beth Ann no longer walks a runway, but baby, she still deserves a spotlight as maybe the Happiest Grownup I knowListen. Enjoy. Learn.

Have you ever met anybody who doesn't want to be cool? I mean, you might as well be searching for a Wooly Mammoth. No such person exists.But what makes somebody cool? Well, you can have incredible style like Zendaya, incredible looks like Chris Hemsworth, or incredible talent like Bruce Springsteen. But for me, the coolest people have always been anyone who can make me laugh. Growing up, I didn't want to be an athlete like Sandy Koufax or a brooding idol like Montgomery Clift. I wanted to be Dick Van Dyke because I thought everything he did was funny without being a clown. I don't think there is any greater gift than to have that power, which is probably why I'm so enamored of today's guest, David Kohan.When I was on the board of Live Out Loud, an organization devoted to helping LGBTQ youth, I asked a quartet of students who were being awarded college scholarships to name the one person who had made the greatest difference in our culture. Almost all of them cited either a politician with a vision, back when we still had some of those, gay rights advocates or heads of charities. However, one student stood there wincing and bewildered by the response of his fellow honorees. Noting his apparent dissension, I asked his opinion, at which point he perked up with that knowing grin that people have when they're confident that everyone else has missed the obvious. Will and Grace, he replied, with a hint of ‘duh’ in his tone. Will and Grace made all the difference, not just because they made me laugh, but because that laughter helped save lives. Those two guys who created that show, they should get medals. The other honorees nodded in agreement because they knew he was right. David Kohan, along with his writing partner, Max Mutchnick, created Will and Grace.David and Max didn't just save lives. They changed our culture by creating a quartet of friends who were equally funny, clever, socially aware, romantically damaged, ever hopeful, often petty, occasionally jealous, but always loving and always loyal. Straight or gay, that's exactly how you want your life to be. Because it proves that regardless of the challenges from inside as well as out, with the right attitude and the right friends, everyone can be happy. Is it any wonder I'm crazy about David Kohan?

I met my husband online about 28 years ago on America Online, not AOL mind you, but America Online – when you didn't tell anyone about such searches because trolling the internet was a primary example of looking for love in all the wrong places. Well, guess what they were wrong, so wrong in fact that we should have been invested because of our foresight.There are now over 8,000 dating sites around the globe. You name the category. Farmers, sea captains, Christian singles, Jewish singles, Asian singles, geeks, gays, those who are vegan, gluten-free, furries, Trekkies, ridiculously wealthy, bearded, and believe it or not, haters. And with more than 30% of those over 50 being single, there are now countless sites for us New Agers.I have known Terry Agins since I started sitting in the front row at fashion shows more than 30 years ago. She's a feisty one. Boisterous, wicked smart, funny, opinionated with a singular energy I have always found fascinating. What also intrigued me about her is that unlike most women in fashion, she didn't travel in a pack. She wasn't part of a clique. In fact, she was often on her own. And then suddenly, about seven years ago, she wasn't. There was this tall, striking, white-haired dude, always by her side. Where the hell did Paul Hands come from? And how come he is still around? Well, that's because Terry and Paul are now married, very happily married, I might add. So for all of you new agers currently searching for companionship, and for those who are hopeful or hopeless romantics, we are going to find out why love is lovelier the second time around.

He’s successful, he’s handsome. And I really like his taste. But what I like most about Shawn Henderson is that his mission seems to be in direct opposition of so many of his colleagues in the AD (Architectural Digest) 100. When I look at their realized visions I am impressed by so much overt ingenuity, stark drama, and distinct personality. Very often I no longer have to read the caption, I know who designed that space. But when you open the door, so to speak, Shawn Henderson’s rooms, they don’t scream ‘hey look at me,’ as much as they whisper softly, ’You’re home now. Why don’t you relax?’Being surrounded and bombarded by tumult on an hourly basis, having somewhere you can exhale and collapse in comfort has never seemed more desirable. Yet design is in a tumultuous state. People got used to being at home. Many are still working from there. Family room flat screens on the weekend are often as likely to have on HGTV as football these days. Lots of folks are investing in DIY projects, adapting to innovation and technology, to design extremes and innovation. The price of furniture, custom work, and construction has skyrocketed and promises only to increase. How do we, especially New Agers who want a refresh, create an environment that reflects a shift or an evolution in our lives?For me, Shawn is the perfect interior designer to speak about this because his head isn’t spun around by every new phase or fad that shows up. And for New Agers how nice to know that he isn’t terrified if you have acquired a lot of ‘stuff’ (But only to a point). Fashion can be fast, easily used and discarded within months. I’ve learned to be good with that. But I’m not redesigning my home every season. And neither is anyone I know. You want a home that functions, that reflects you and gives you room to shake your shoulders. Listen to Shawn Henderson. This is the guy who can open the door to that oasis. That’s why he is this week’s Happy Grownup podcast.

We’re taught that beauty is fleeing. (it even says so in the Bible, Proverbs 31:30). But the moment you see Cristina Ferrare, you can chuck that adage out the window since she is eternally, time defyingly gorgeous. Signed as a model when she was just 14, I repeat 14!, Cristina quickly became one the first supermodels when the label actually had authenticity.However, blessed with an inquisitive, adventurous spirit, Ferrere has never relied solely on her looks. She acted in films, hosted multiple TV shows, and became instrumental in jumpstarting the formerly benign Hallmark Channel into a network behemoth, TV’s prime mover of hot chocolate, mistletoe and happy endings, only to be abruptly dismissed at age 62 for being “too old.”Though reeling from the shock at first - kind of makes you want to torch a Christmas tree farm - here’s why we’re mad for this beautiful inside-and-out New Ager. Rather than weep into her eggnog, Ferrere forged ahead, writing half a dozen New York Times bestselling cookbooks, designing a successful jewelry line, becoming a wellness advocate, campaigning tirelessly for early detection and treatment as a cancer survivor (she has multiple myeloma) and joining her good friend Maria Shriver in raising awareness about and fund for treatment of Alzheimer’s Disease. Cristina is passionate about her loves, especially her husband or 40 years former ABC executive Tommy Thomopoulus), her daughters, and foo - oh definitely food - and as you’\ll discover this week’s podcast, she’s still thrilled to come up with a new recipe, another way to feel good, and one more opportunity to give back. Not to dump on the Good Gook, but it was Keats had it right. “A thing of beauty is a joy forever.” If only there was time travel, Keats would have such a crush on Cristian Ferrere. Hey John, get in line.

He’s the laid back of the five entrepreneurs in Eames chairs on Shark Tank. And yet, few deals that interest him pas him by. That’s because Daymond John puts his faith and energy into what he believes are his three touchstones for success – goals, instinct and fearlessness. That’s because at.23, his goal was to create a clothing company that focused and elevated people in his neighborhood, his instinct was that street kids of color wanted to wear everything four sizes too large, and his fearlessness is because all the experts and two dozen banks he spoke to told it was a bad idea. So, his mom took a second mortgage on her house. And somehow John managed to pay that mortgage off after FUBU generated $6 billion dollars in sales.Funny. The same thing happened when John took an interest in Randy Goldberg and David Heath’s wild idea to build a company that would give away one pair of socks to the homeless for every sock they sold. The other Sharks thought they were nuts. John’s instincts thought their goal was as heartfelt as it was fearless. So, he invested again. Bombas socks is now valued at $3.4 billion dollars. However, John is not above seeking advice from others which is why he this guy with dyslexia has read Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill 23 times. And look at that! John thought and John did.So when this mogul, author, philanthropist, lecturer, and emphatically cool New Agers, tells you the value of reading his 10 goals first thing every morning and last thing every night, how he now monitors his health after a life-altering scare, why he’s determined not to make the same mistakes with his second family that he made with his first and who his mentors are, my instincts tell me that Daymond John is fearless, which is why your goal should be to listen to his Happy Grownup podcast

If you have been with The Happy Grownup from the outset, you may recall that the first Halgorhythm is “Curiosity is the Best Moisturizer.” I got proof. I have known Rob Smith for a decade or two and while his easy smile radiated from an imposing, very handsome man, dammit if this guy isn’t even better looking at a New Aging 59. What is Rob’s secret? A new act, a mission that was never on his wish, bucket, or to do list when he was younger, or even as his successful career in retail secured his future. Then, seven years ago, one chance encounter re-imagined his horizon, one that shocked and rattled him so intently, he embarked on a soul-searching trek round the world. When he returned, though he had no blueprint for what lay head, Rob established the Phluid Project, whose initial goal was to engage, employ and celebrate the style of those young people who had embraced the blurring of gender lines. Not surprisingly, the Project debuted as a retail store with clothing that would appeal to all. But not long after meeting, hiring, listening to their life stories and learning from these fearless kids, he knew there was more he could do to reach out to this misunderstood segment of our global community, and set out to innovate programs for them to elevate their self-worth and stature, and to enlighten the rest of us who are way often too quick to judge or avoid because we have no point of reference. How much has Rob helped these vital, misjudged yet honest young souls? I will let him tell you in his own words, But just looking at his Rob’s beaming face gives you a clue as to how much happiness it has brought to his life.Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or anywhere else you listen to podcasts.

She Is naturally feisty, startlingly honest, effortlessly funny, as refreshing as an ice plunge. But what makes Rosie Perez instantly irresistible is that despite her diminutive size, she is a tower of power. Despite an ugly, abusive childhood and years of self-doubt caused by of an unexpectedly glamourous career, Perez credits her revelatory immersion in psychotherapy, confidence acquired by maturity and tuning out the negativity that pervades her industry, a late arriving love of a lifetime, and her commitment to lifting up New York youths whose hardships she readily relates to, for her pragmatic and doable embrace of happiness. No wonder Rosie’s conversation is a flat-out rush of joy.Join me and Rosie at this week’s Happy Grownup podcast