The Hummingbird Prayer Podcast

Here sit two women, two mothers — who have both walked the path of freebirth, each with vastly different outcomes. One, cradling her daughter in her arms;the other, with her son’s ashes on upon her altar. — Welcome to an honest afternoon conversation with my dear friend Eden as she offers transparent reflections about her choice to freebirth her daughter in November of 2023. This is the first time Eden has openly shared her raw and unfiltered opinion on her birth experience in the almost 2 years since her daughter, Flora, came earth-side.Together we explore the evolution of our perspectives, opinions, and understandings about birth as a whole.Openly sharing what went into our decision making while we were pregnant together, the “propaganda” we received from freebirthing courses, educational streams, books, and podcasts, as well as what we understand about birth now. Throughout our time together as friends, sisters, and mothers — navigating birth as well as death — we have both learned, shifted, and evolved far beyond the women that we were when we first met. “It’s okay to change your mind — and that’s why I haven’t really said anything, because my mind is changed. And I would not speak about freebirth in the ways that I did in the past. I feel a lot of compassion for that past version of me and for the women who look at freebirth as that moral-higher-than — but I'm also grateful to have been her so that I can feel what it feels like to be changed from that.” — Eden ElizabethWe contemplate many things, questions, and ideas throughout this conversation:Do we still agree with freebirth?Is there a totally correct way to birth in order to eliminate risk?Would we choose freebirth again?What would you tell your past self about birth?How do you tend to the universally humbling unknowable mystery?Can you hold the raw true statement “I don’t know” with sacred hands?In so many ways, we leave this conversation with more questions than answers — Ultimately though, what we seem to return to time and time again is:there is no one right way. To live, birth, grieve, love, mother, or be…—It never ceases to bring me to my knees at how healing it can be when women come together in sacred dialogue.May this contemplative conversation be an offering to you. Thank you for being here and listening to this recording with Eden, it’s an honour to have you in this space with us. What are your thoughts? What did this conversation bring up for you?Did this bring up judgements, biases, beliefs, ideas?How has birth changed you? Do you think/feel that there is a singularly better way to birth?What would you say to your past self? The comments are available and open to you. Posting this with reverence and a heart full of I-don’t-know’s,Emma CardinalMore about Eden ElizabethSOMATIC STORYTELLER | BODY POETRYdancer with a poet heart — the intersection of body + voice“Eden is a Mother, a Storyteller, a Ritualist, and lover of the ceremonial. She is inspired by what is real, raw, and human. Her vision is of a world where Women are living more deeply in connection to the land, their bodies, and their medicine. Eden has accepted her responsibility and role as a Way-shower and Map-maker in these times, and is devoted to sharing her story and bringing Women along with her as she meets her own edges of shame, pain, discomfort, pleasure, joy, and ecstasy.”You can find and connect with Eden:On Instagram: @creatingeden On Substack: Eden Elizabeth Receive her offerings:https://bio.site/creatingeden x https://www.bodypoetry.art/The birth story referenced in this conversationNicolle & Jake share the birth story of their son Fox This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ahummingbirdprayer.substack.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit ahummingbirdprayer.substack.comI don’t do trigger warnings for what I share in this space because life doesn’t come with a trigger warning. Nature doesn’t wrap things in a digestive bubble and honestly, it doesn’t feel correct for me to put a warning on my lived experiences. If you’re here with me in this corner of the internet, you’ll quickly learn that the subject matter of my work is deep, heavy, and quite frankly… not for everyone. So, if you want to click away, that’s okay — I wont fault you for it, but for those that want to expand their resilience and explore the depths of what humans can endure… thank you for being here. Your presence is appreciated more than you know. This recording in particular speaks of a woman named Anarcha Westcott, the mother of modern Gynaecology. The history of her connection to Dr. J Marion Sims is profoundly controversial, inhumanly barbaric, and important to be understood. Upon finding out who she was, through wails and moans, I found myself researching as much as I possibly could. A contrasting mix of emotions flood my body when I think of her; everything from gratitude to horror, and always accompanied by a river of tears.I share her name now, alongside her story, with everyone that I can.While I don’t do trigger warnings, I do recognize that having boundaries in spaces like this, with the subject matter I cover, is supportive. So I want to be transparently clear: the reason I chose to have this is as a paid publication is not to monetize off of Anarcha Westcott, the suffering she endured, or her story. Rather, this conversation speaks to the parallels of our lives and the pain that we both experienced. This is a recording where I express and explore my personal connection to her; so while I do go into her story as well as offer bits and pieces of historical gynaecological education — this really is more of an intimate telling of my own life and how it pertains to her.In many ways this recording serves as a requiem of emotion from me to Anarcha Westcott. A refusal to let her be forgotten. A remembrance of her suffering and sacrifice that directly and positively impact billions of women today. This is a space where I stand in vulnerability. Emotionally and physiologically relating to this woman who knows my story more than anyone else, even though she has been dead for over 150 years.My journey with childbirth was, in many way, unique — extreme and uncommon to say the least. Not just because I lost my son, but because of all the subtle details woven within the multi-day labour and the bodily dysfunction to follow.Over the past year I’ve connected with other women who have experienced stillbirth, each story as unique as the mother who tells it. And as supportive as connecting with these women has been for me, the woman that understands my journey the most lived almost 200 years ago; the recording you are about to listen to is an emotional telling of how we mirror one another. As I said prior, there are absolutely educational pieces woven into the words I share, however — this really is a remembering of Anarcha Westcott — the only woman I currently know of that has walked a parallel path from a physiological standpoint. Of course our paths are not identical, but the likeness is heartbreaking.If you are curious to know more about Anarcha Westcott, I encourage you to research her as much as you can. If you are wanting to learn more about the parallels between her and me, as well as my experience with traumatic childbirth and child-loss — this is the recording to take some intentional time with.I wish that I could sit at her feet… that we could be there for one another in a way that can only be done by someone who really knows the pain from a similar lived experience.I wish that I could be there for her and she could be there for me, and that we could talk to one another about our journeys and hold each other in a way that only those who have walked a similar path can.I see you Anarcha, and if you’re out there I hope you see me too.In reverence and remembrance, Emma

How can I learn to hold both life and death in my heart in a good yet grounded way?This is a question I’ve been asking myself since my son passed away in childbirth March 2024.—In this audio file you will find my ponderings surrounding birth and death in relationship to the time of The Spring Equinox.Gazing at the cedar trees, their branches catching the late winter rain drops, I sat down to record this for you. Sitting with nature and getting quiet, watching the subtle changes in the seasons, noticing the rocks, water, and trees… grounded philosophical teachings often come through for me; and I find myself learning from one of our greatest teachers: Mother Earth.Today I will share intimately about the balance between light and dark through the lens of Birth, Death, as well as offer reflections on the Buddhist teaching of ‘The Middle Way’. The words I share illuminate a perspective on stepping away from the very human experiences of polarization and bias, while intentionally (and imperfectly) moving towards a practice of holding all potentialities to the best of my/our ability.Alongside this, there will be glimpses of Floyd’s cremation story which happened to take place on the Spring Equinox a year ago in 2024; illustrating the theme of death amongst life and life amongst death.As the entire world sits in this sacred pause, the Equinox — be it Spring in the Northern hemisphere or Autumn in the southern — we are offered a moment to reflect on the symbols of balance in our world. For me, the one that comes to mind is the image of Yin & Yang; opposition and polarization being integral parts of the whole — for without one, the other cannot exist.May we all learn to reverently hold the light and the dark; birth and death; togetherness and separation; compassion and suffering. This is the medicine of the Equinox. The wholeness that is (perceived) contradiction.“Remember child that you are noble, for you come from the Stars, yet humble, for you are born from the Earth.”In reverence,Emma This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ahummingbirdprayer.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome to this recording that I’ve entitled:The Winter Solstice: A walk with darkness & death as the most holy Medicine WomanIntimate shares, musings, poetry, reflections from the past year on darkness and light as a mother in mourning.This year has been the ceremony I never wanted to sit in, sacred songs that sound more like sobs,mothering that feels more like mourning,and healing that looks more like humbling.The path of child-loss,my relationship with darkness,death,suffering, grief, pain, andthe coldhave all been my greatest teacher.A Medicine Woman,and Wisdom Keeper.The mother of death,sister of darkness,goddess of the cold.Not something to fear,run or turn away from,but something to embrace,to welcome, to love and befriend.In reverence, EmmaTHE VERSES, POEMS, & PIECES OF WRITING REFERENCED IN THIS RECORDING:🤎Tao Te Ching: Verse 50Translation by: Stephen MitchellThe Master gives himself upto whatever the moment brings.He knows that he is going to die,and he has nothing left to hold on to:no illusions in his mind,no resistances in his body.He doesn’t think about his actions;they flow from the core of his being.He holds nothing back from life;therefore he is ready for death,as a man is ready for sleepafter a good days work.🤎Befriending DarknessBy: Emma Cardinal… and suddenly I woke up,it was December.Whispers of winter caressed the air,silent footsteps echoed between naked trees,my gaze inward,body collapsed to the Earth,limp and humble.The mother of darkness approaches.“Death is here, my daughter,” December sings to me softly,blanketed by a cold embrace.“Wh-why?” I fret, “Why now? Why me?”quivering, shaking, moaning,from anything but the cold.“To be your friend.” she replies.🤎Dancing with the Dark GoddessBy: Arlene BaileyNot all are called to walkthe edge between the worlds.For those who are, who dare to risk, magic awaits.Not easy wave-your-pretty-wand magic,but magic that is deep and rough,pulling and tugging at your very existence,plunging you into the deep, dark,murky waters of all feelingsfrom all times.Not all are called to dancewith the Dark Goddess,but for those who are,a day will come when travellingbetween the worlds of dark and light will be aprofoundly juicy journeyof depth-diving into theshadowy recesses in order to purify, mature and perfectthat which is the deepestof All mysteries…The soul of a woman. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ahummingbirdprayer.substack.com/subscribe