The Living in Truth Project

DescriptionWhat does it really mean to honor your parents as an adult — especially when the relationship has become painful, controlling, or unhealthy?In Part 1 of this Q&A conversation, we talk about the difference between childhood obedience and adult honor, why boundaries are not dishonor, and how to navigate family relationships when peace requires truth.We also answer a tender question: What do you do when parents who have gone no contact suddenly want to reconnect after finding out you’re pregnant?In this episode, we discuss honoring parents, family dysfunction, boundaries, no contact, reconnection, protecting your marriage, and what healthy rebuilding should actually look like.Join us for the Christlike Boundaries Workshop on June 30thGet Christlike Boundaries on Amazon. or download the first chapter for FREE! Click here.

For many Christians, the hardest part of setting a boundary is not the boundary itself.It is the guilt.The fear that saying no means you are selfish.The fear that needing space means you are unforgiving.The fear that limiting access means you are dishonoring your family.The fear that protecting your marriage, your home, your peace, or your children somehow means you are failing to love like Jesus.That is exactly why we wrote Christlike Boundaries.In this special episode, Jon reads the introduction and Chapter 1 of Christlike Boundaries, the new book from Jon and Ashley Lefrandt. Chapter 1, “Love Is Not Compliance,” begins with the core truth every Christian needs before they can understand boundaries clearly: love is not proven by endless availability, emotional over-responsibility, or keeping everyone comfortable. Jesus was perfectly loving, but He was not compliant. He was merciful, but He was not manipulated. He was peaceful, but He did not preserve false peace. He was full of grace and truth.If you have ever wondered, “Can I set boundaries and still be Christlike?” this episode — and this book — were created for you.Buy Christlike Boundaries on Amazon.Listen, reflect, and ask yourself:Where have I mistaken compliance for love?For more resources and to stay connected, check out our Website: www.leavethencleave.com or find us on Instagram, Tiktok and Facebook @leave_then_cleave !

This is Part 2 of our conversation with Rachel Wood on boundaries.In Part 1, we talked about why boundaries are not unchristlike, how people-pleasing can become a form of control, and why healthy love requires truth, agency, and self-respect.In Part 2, we move into one of the hardest questions many people face:What do you do when you are trying to get healthy, but the other person does not want accountability, honesty, repentance, or change?For many people of faith, this is where boundaries become deeply personal. We may understand the idea of boundaries in theory, but when it touches our family, our marriage, our loyalty, our guilt, or our desire to forgive, it can become incredibly difficult to know what is loving, what is wise, and what is safe.In this episode, we talk about forgiveness versus reconciliation, manipulation, spiritual pressure, addiction, accountability, discernment, and what it means to recognize fruit rather than simply trust words.Because forgiveness is a commandment.But reconciliation requires repentance, honesty, safety, and changed behavior.Those are not the same thing.If you have ever felt pressure to keep forgiving while harmful patterns continue, or wondered whether setting a boundary means you are failing to be Christlike, this conversation will help give language to what you may already be sensing.And if this topic feels personal right now, we invite you to join us for our May Healing Webinar Series, where we’ll continue walking through painful family dynamics, boundaries, estrangement, guilt, grief, spiritual pressure, and practical next steps for healing.You can learn more about the webinar series, our book Leave Then Cleave, and our other resources at leavethencleave.com.

If you are afraid that setting boundaries, going no contact, or disappointing your family will ruin your life, this episode is for you.Most conversations about boundaries focus on what they cost.The grief.The backlash.The loneliness.The fear of being misunderstood.The pain of relationships changing.But in this episode, Jon and Ashley talk about what boundaries can give back.After years of people pleasing, self-doubt, emotional exhaustion, and constantly managing other people’s perceptions, boundaries created space for something new: clarity, creativity, confidence, joy, self-discovery, and a deeper sense of God’s direction.Ashley shares how pickleball, gardening, and creating beauty in their home became part of her healing. Jon shares how boundaries gave him the courage to run for city council, speak vulnerably online, and help build a platform that has now reached millions of people.This conversation is for anyone who is afraid that setting boundaries will ruin their life. Sometimes boundaries do bring grief. But they can also become the doorway into the life God has been trying to help you build.If you are navigating family estrangement, no contact, people pleasing, religious pressure, toxic family dynamics, or the emotional aftermath of setting boundaries, this episode will help you see that healing is not only about what you leave behind. It is also about what you finally become free to walk toward.Join us this Wednesday for our live event, Healing After No Contact.This event is for those who have already made a painful boundary decision and are now living with the grief, second-guessing, backlash, loneliness, and emotional aftermath.Register here.

What do you do when your spouse has not fully left and cleaved? Why do siblings experience the same family so differently? And how do you stop letting unhealthy family dynamics live rent free in your mind long after distance has been put in place?In Part 2 of this Q&A episode, Jon and Ashley respond to some of the most common and painful questions they hear from this community around marriage, family systems, forgiveness, triangulation, and emotional healing. They talk about what happens when one spouse begins to recognize unhealthy family patterns before the other does, why family roles form so differently among siblings, and how grief, truth, and time all shape the healing process after no contact. In this episode, they explore:what it means to “leave and cleave” when your spouse is not fully there yetwhy forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thinghow triangulation and unhealthy sibling roles develop in familieswhy children in the same home can carry very different family experienceshow grief can keep people emotionally attached even after no contactwhat it looks like to finally let go and move forward with GodJon and Ashley also talk about the slow nature of healing, the small and simple truths that can begin changing a marriage, and the painful but freeing process of accepting that you cannot do other people’s healing for them. If you are navigating:family estrangementemotionally immature parentsmarriage tension around in-lawssibling scapegoating or triangulationChristian questions about forgiveness and reconciliationthe grief of no contactthis conversation will give you language, validation, and a more grounded path forward. If this episode resonates with you, check out our book Leave Then Cleave, a faith-rooted guide to boundaries, marriage, family systems, and healing. you can also download the first chapter for free at www.leavethencleave.com/free-chapter

Holy Saturday is the day in between.Friday’s pain has already happened.Sunday’s redemption is coming.But today… it can still feel quiet.In this Holy Week episode of Here’s the Lesson, Jon reflects on the meaning of Holy Saturday and what it teaches us about waiting, grief, unanswered prayers, and the sacred growth that can happen in seasons of silence.Drawing from personal experience—including the devastating loss of his father to brain cancer—Jon shares how some of life’s most painful chapters can also become some of the most transformative.This episode is for anyone walking through:grief and lossspiritual waitingmarriage painfractured family relationshipsunanswered prayersjob loss or life transitionseasons where heaven feels quietHoly Saturday reminds us that silence does not mean abandonment.Just because nothing looks different yet does not mean nothing is happening.Some of God’s holiest work happens where we cannot yet see it.And if life still feels like Saturday right now, please hear this:the story is not over. Sunday will come.In the episode, Jon also references Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin’s powerful message, Sunday Will Come, and shares why that sermon has deeply shaped his faith and hope. For so many people, these “Saturday seasons” are not just moments in Holy Week — they are chapters of real life.The waiting after the loss.The silence after the prayer.The ache between what broke and what has not yet been rebuilt.That is one of the deepest reasons Ashley and I wrote Leave Then Cleave.We wrote it for people navigating grief, painful family relationships, betrayal, and the difficult work of healing while holding onto faith and hope for what God is still doing.📖 Start with the free first chapter:https://www.leavethencleave.com/free-chapter🎧 Explore the full book and audiobook:https://www.leavethencleave.com/store#HolySaturday #SundayWillCome #ChristianHealing #HopeAfterLoss #LeaveThenCleave

Holy Thursday brings us to one of the most sacred and deeply human moments in all of scripture:The Garden of Gethsemane.This is the night Jesus is not before the crowds.He is alone.In anguish.In prayer.Under the full weight of what is coming.And what makes this moment so powerful is this:Jesus did not deny the pain.He did not rush past the sorrow.He brought the full weight of His suffering before the Father and still said:“Nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” Holy BibleIn this episode of Here’s the Lesson, Jon explores what Holy Thursday teaches us about pain, surrender, grief, faith, and what it means to trust God in the middle of something heavy.If you are walking through your own Gethsemane—family pain, betrayal, grief, uncertainty, spiritual exhaustion, or the ache of surrendering something you did not choose—this conversation is for you.We talk about:Holy Thursday and GethsemaneFaith in sufferinggrief and Christian healingsurrender without emotional bypassingtrusting God in painful seasonsdiscipleship in the middle of uncertaintyAnd if this tension feels painfully familiar—the ache of holding onto faith while carrying something heavy—that is one of the deepest reasons Ashley and I wrote Leave Then Cleave.We wrote it for people navigating family wounds, betrayal, grief, painful relationships, and the difficult work of healing without losing their faith.📖 Start with the free first chapter in the show notes🎧 Explore the full book and audiobook Plus, explore TONS of Free Content over at leavethencleave.com Follow Us on Social Media and YouTube: @leave_then_cleave

Holy Tuesday gives us one of the most sobering lessons of Holy Week:not everyone who sounds spiritual is safe.Jesus was not hardest on weakness.He was hardest on what looked righteous but quietly harmed people.In this “Here’s the Lesson” episode, Jon explores what Christ teaches about hypocrisy, spiritual pressure, false holiness, and the difference between appearance and fruit.Jesus never confused how someone sounded with what their presence actually produced.That question still matters:Does this relationship produce peace… or pressure?Freedom… or fear?Clarity… or confusion?If you are navigating spiritual manipulation, toxic family systems, false guilt, emotionally immature parents, or Christian boundaries, this episode is for you.This is part of our Holy Week series, helping connect the life of Christ to the realities people face in marriage, family systems, faith, and healing.If today’s lesson stirred something in you, and you’ve been trying to make sense of the difference between true discipleship and spiritual pressure, that is exactly why Ashley and I wrote Leave Then Cleave.This book was written for people navigating painful family systems, false guilt, unhealthy loyalty, and the confusion that comes when relationships sound spiritual on the surface but quietly produce fear, pressure, and silence.It helps put language to what so many people have felt but struggled to explain:the difference between peace and passivity,love and control,forgiveness and avoidance,faithfulness and self-abandonment.If that tension feels familiar, start with the free first chapter at leavethencleave.com/free-chapter.And if it resonates, the full book, audiobook, and additional resources are available there as well.📖 Start with the free first chapter of Leave Then Cleave:https://leavethencleave.com/free-chapter🎧 Explore the full book, audiobook, and resources:https://leavethencleave.com/store

Have you ever been told, “Don’t talk about that… it’s gossip”—when you were just trying to make sense of something painful?In many families and faith communities, truth-telling gets mislabeled as gossip. And when that happens, harmful patterns stay protected, voices get silenced, and the people who need support the most are left carrying it alone.In this episode, we break down the difference between gossip and truth, why this confusion happens, and how to discern when speaking up is actually an act of integrity—not betrayal.If you’ve ever questioned yourself for naming something that felt off… this episode is for you.You’ll learn:The real difference between gossip and truthWhy “keeping the peace” can actually protect dysfunctionHow silence reinforces unhealthy systemsA better question to ask when you’re told to stay quietThis is about clarity, courage, and learning how to walk in truth—wisely.📖 Get the Free Chapter of Leave Then CleaveStart here if this episode resonated:👉 https://www.leavethencleave.com/free-chapter📘 Get the Full Book (Ebook, Audiobook, + Workbook Bundles)👉 https://www.leavethencleave.com/store🎙️ Explore More Episodes + Resources👉 https://www.leavethencleave.com🎵 Eterna Tribute (Custom Songs for Loved Ones)👉 https://www.eternatribute.com/collections/memorial-collection/products/custom-tribute-song

What happens when you set a healthy boundary… and instead of being met with understanding, you become the target of a smear campaign?In this episode of Here’s the Lesson, Jon shares a personal story about what unfolded after he and his wife Ashley set boundaries within their family—and how quickly the narrative shifted from the truth… to attacks on his character.Rumors were spread.Assumptions were made.And the focus moved away from the real issue entirely.If you’ve ever experienced family conflict, toxic family dynamics, narcissistic abuse, or emotional manipulation, this episode will help you understand what’s actually happening beneath the surface.🔍 In this episode, we explore:What a smear campaign really is (and why it happens)Why people attack your character instead of addressing the boundaryHow triangulation and narrative control show up in familiesThe connection between boundaries and emotional backlashWhy you may feel confused, anxious, or like you need to defend yourselfHow to stay grounded in your identity when others try to rewrite your storySmear campaigns are often used in toxic family systems when someone begins to break patterns, set boundaries, or speak the truth.Instead of accountability, the system shifts into protection mode—creating stories, distorting reality, and isolating the person who disrupted the pattern.If you’ve ever thought:“Why are they saying this about me?”“How did this get so twisted?”“Why do I feel like I have to defend who I am?”You’re not alone—and you’re not crazy.📖 Want to go deeper?We wrote our book to help people navigate boundaries, estrangement, family systems, and emotional healing—especially when telling the truth comes at a cost.👉 Read the free chapter here.👉 Or explore the full book.🌱 This episode is for you if you are:Dealing with toxic family relationshipsExperiencing a smear campaign or character attackLearning how to set boundaries without guiltNavigating estrangement or no contactTrying to understand narcissistic or emotionally immature family systemsWorking on healing, identity, and emotional clarityYou don’t need to win the narrative to stay in the truth.And sometimes, the presence of a smear campaign is the clearest sign…that you told a truth the system couldn’t tolerate.

Why do people easily condemn abuse when it appears in the news… but struggle to confront it when it happens inside their own families or communities?In this Here’s the Lesson mini-episode, Jon explores a powerful blind spot that exists in many family systems: moral clarity is easy when the villain is distant, but much harder when the person causing harm is someone we know and love.Drawing from gospel principles and the teachings of Jesus, this episode explores why families sometimes protect unhealthy dynamics, why communities often prioritize peace over truth, and what real integrity looks like when confronting difficult realities.Christ consistently stood with the vulnerable and confronted systems that exploited or harmed others. His example invites us to consider what it means to follow truth—even when it costs something.Here’s the lesson:Condemning evil from a distance is easy.Integrity is revealed when the truth becomes personal.Ashley and Jon’s new book explores these themes in greater depth, including how to navigate difficult family relationships, establish healthy boundaries, and pursue healing without abandoning faith.Download Chapter One for free:👉 https://www.leavethencleave.com/free-chapterIf this episode resonated with you:• Share it with someone who might need it• Follow the podcast for weekly episodes• Leave a review to help others discover the showYour support helps these conversations reach people who are navigating difficult family dynamics and searching for clarity.📖 Want to Go Deeper?🎙 Connect With Us

What does it actually mean to “leave and cleave” in marriage?Many couples don’t struggle because they don’t love each other.They struggle because no one ever taught them how loyalty shifts when you enter a covenant relationship.In this episode of CLEAVE, we unpack:• Marriage boundaries and family of origin dynamics• In-law tension and enmeshment in Christian families• Emotional maturity and loyalty in marriage• Why resentment is often a sign that a boundary is being crossed• How faith can be used to heal — not control• Practical steps to protect your marriage without dishonoring your parentsIf you’ve ever felt like you were competing with your spouse’s family…If you’ve felt torn between honoring your parents and protecting your marriage…If resentment keeps surfacing and you don’t know why…This episode is for you.Healthy families don’t happen by accident.They happen by order.📌 Practical steps mentioned in this episode are available in the show notes at leavethencleave.com📖 Book recommendations include Boundaries and Changes That Heal💬 If you need support navigating marriage and family tension, explore Clarity Conversations on our website.Follow the podcast so you don’t miss future episodes on spiritual abuse, family systems, marriage health, and emotional growth.

This episode is a listener Q&A — real situations people are living through right now.We talk through questions about toxic in-laws, going no contact with parents, when a spouse doesn’t see the problem, attending weddings or funerals during estrangement, and whether reconciliation is actually possible.These aren’t clinical answers. They’re the conversations we wish we could have sat in on when we were navigating it ourselves.Topics we cover:• Boundaries when your spouse disagrees with you• Starting low contact or no contact with parents• Parents changing the narrative to family members• Should you attend a wedding with estranged family?• Going to an estranged parent’s funeral• What reconciliation really requiresIf you’re trying to decide what is healthy vs guilt-driven in your family relationships — this episode will help you think clearly.Have a question you want us to cover in a future Q&A episode?Send it to us through the link below or DM us. We read every one.And if someone came to mind while listening, share this episode with them — sometimes language helps people have conversations they’ve been avoiding.