The Obliterated Place with Kaye Steinsapir

Lyle Green and I have lived across the street from each other for fifteen years, but there were parts of his story I never knew until we sat down for this conversation. We are "COVID family"—neighbors who became extended family during the pandemic and the aftermath of the accident that took Molly’s life.In this episode, Lyle shares the vivid memories of losing his father at just four years old and the unique anxiety of approaching age 46—the same age his father was when he suffered a fatal heart attack. We discuss the "obliterated place" his mother navigated as a young widow and the perspective Lyle gained after losing his home and all his belongings in the Pacific Palisades fire.Lyle also opens up about the heart health journey that led to his own recent blockage discovery, the profound grief of losing his three beloved cats, and why he chooses to wear a bracelet with Molly's name every single day. This is a raw conversation about the "tender heart" behind a tough exterior and what it means for men to finally speak the language of loss.Connect with Kaye Steinsapir: Subscribe on YouTubeInstagram: @teammollyofficial Substack: Transforming Pain Into PurposeThe Molly Steinsapir Foundation

I’ve always thought of myself as an alchemist, transmuting what remains after destruction into something new. But after losing my daughter, Molly, that idea was no longer abstract. It became survival.In this episode, I’m joined by my dear friend Nikki Mark, the first person I met who had also lost a child, and the person who showed me it was possible to keep going.After her 12-year-old son, Tommy, passed away suddenly in his sleep, Nikki made a decision: she would not stay stuck in her grief. Instead, she approached her healing the same way she built companies — as something to study, test, and rebuild from the ground up.This conversation is about what happens after everything you knew is gone, and how you begin to choose what comes next.Connect with Nikki Mark:Instagram: @healingwithnikkiWebsite: www.nikkimark.comTM23 Foundation:www.tm23foundation.orgConnect with Kaye Steinsapir: Subscribe on YouTubeInstagram: @teammollyofficial The Molly Steinsapir Foundation

You may know me because we're friends. Or former colleagues. You may have stumbled upon my social media feed after we lost our 12-year-old daughter, Molly, in a tragic accident in 2021. Perhaps you just discovered this new podcast. No matter how we're connected or our level of familiarity, aspects of my story will surprise you. I feel like I've lived several lifetimes in my 48 years. In the immortal words of the Grateful Dead, what a long, strange trip it's been.I live in the present moment because the past is too painful and the future too uncertain. I've developed a sense of adventure as I ride the waves of life. I've stopped taking it all so seriously and resisting what's outside of my control.Please note that this episode contains descriptions of violence and abuse. It's important to remind the audience that these are my personal recollections. Others who were present for the events that I describe will undoubtedly remember them differently. Memories fade. What remains lodged in a person's mind is as unique as a fingerprint.I don't soften the hard edges of the truth, even when it hurts. My goal is transparency. Terrible things have happened to me, along with beautiful, awe-inspiring moments. It's all part of being alive. Thank you for witnessing my humanity, unfiltered.

Lili Geller's husband, Damon, died unexpectedly at age 48.Damon was the most alive person that many of us ever knew. He was passionate. In his love for Lili and their kids, Delilah and Jonah, and his extended family and friends. In his athleticism. Damon physically challenged himself - skateboarding, surfing, basketball, jiu jitsu, table tennis - you name it, Damon rocked it! In the way he moved through the world. Damon understood how to LIVE, not merely exist.Damon was hilarious. I loved being around him because he never failed to crack me up. He was a fixture in our town of Pacific Palisades, where he grew up. Everyone knew and liked Damon. He could frequently be found in the village, having animated conversations over lunch, sharing the latest thing he was into. Damon was an avid learner. Lili shared that he sometimes stayed up all night reading. When he found something that excited him or worked well, he wanted to share it with everyone. I'll never forget when I first met Damon, he fervently explained that I needed to purify our drinking water with black mica, even showing up at our door that evening with a bag of the mineral powder and showing me how to use it. He was so convincing that I naturally followed his advice! Damon loved sunsets, date nights with Lili at his favorite sushi restaurant, and especially being a hands-on dad to his kids. Damon died while surfing under a full moon with his brother, Mike, on December 20, 2018. Reflecting on the night that obliterated her world, Lili recalls a number of unusual things happened that day. The Universe seemed to whisper that time was fleeting. Read more about Damon here - https://palisadesnews.com/death-of-pali-surfer-wake-up-call/.Lili said that it was like a switch flipped. Damon was there and suddenly gone. In an instant, Lili became a widow, solely responsible for Delilah and Jonah. The shock and grief was physical. The sudden absence of Damon's enormous energy left a gaping void in their home and throughout our entire community. The difficulties were compounded by the isolation of the subsequent pandemic.Lili hadn't been working outside the home when Damon died. Through sheer grit and love of her kids, Lili managed to keep them in their family home. She returned to work as a real estate agent. Lili built a successful business and is helping many buy and sell properties in the wake of the Palisades fire. She’s the best! We wouldn't be in our current home without her connections, expertise and patience negotiating our lease in a competitive market. If you live in LA, Lili is the woman for all your real estate needs. Lili’s information can be found here - https://www.compass.com/agents/lili-geller/. Delilah and Jonah are thriving, with Delilah preparing to attend her dream university this fall. As Lili said in our conversation, over the past 7 years, she's gone from being a "shaking leaf" after Damon died to embracing life again and growing her business. Lili is one of my favorite people - she always looks flawless, can whip up an amazing meal for a crowd and make it look effortless, and is a gift to everyone in her orbit. Lili will drop whatever she's doing when her family, friends or dogs need her. The life that Lili has created in her obliterated place is beautiful. Damon, always her biggest cheerleader, is somewhere not far off, pumping his arm, urging her to keep going. Lili writes, "The one thing I do know from my grief journey (and everyone’s is different) is that I was loved by Damon and he was loved by us. All the negatives that can build up in a lifetime don’t necessarily get forgotten but they just no longer carry any value and all that’s left is love. And love never dies. Never."

Jill Lipsky is a lifelong Palisadian, a teacher, and one of my favorite people. She lost her brother, Darren, to fentanyl poisoning while their father was undergoing open heart surgery. Darren had been battling addiction. Jill was the person in her family who took care of everyone and tried to save him. Their parents died within the next year, during the pandemic, leaving Jill as the sole keeper of their memories. Jill was unable to find a support group for sibling loss. Because her parents died during the pandemic, it wasn't possible to have a service for them. We spoke about the need for grief to be witnessed. Read Jill's beautiful obituary for her dad, Bud Ennis, on my Substack, Transforming Pain Into Purpose - https://kayesteinsapir.substack.com/. Grief and love are intertwined. We grieve their losses deeply because we love them infinitely. It was wonderful to hear Jill's happy memories of Darren and her parents. We want to talk about our loved ones who've passed. Jill also spoke about the undeniable signs she receives from Darren in spirit and how their relationship continues and evolves. The Palisades fire compounded Jill's losses. Her family home burned down, along with her rental property, a source of income. Jill is nevertheless preparing to return home to the Palisades. Her family will be one of the first to return to their neighborhood, which is where she grew up. While living with grief, Jill approaches life with an open heart, generosity of spirit and fun-loving nature. Her Obliterated Place becomes more beautiful with each passing day, a testament to her resilience and love of her family.

Kaye Steinsapir has faced enormous challenges with resilience and grace. Her heart has been broken in innumerable ways - by neglect and abuse as a child, struggling her entire life with family members consumed by addiction, battling breast cancer as a young mom of 3, the tragic death of her 12-year-old daughter, Molly, followed by the destruction of her town in the Palisades Fire. Kaye refuses to succumb to despair. Instead, she shares her life with authenticity and vulnerability, inviting others to share their grief alongside her. In the inaugural episode of the Obliterated Place, Kaye explains the meaning of the show's title, shares her intentions and creates space for all the brokenhearted.