The Selfish Woman

You've been swallowing your truth, avoiding conflict, and hoping things will change if you're just patient enough. But your silence isn't safety....it's a slow death. This week, I'm talking with Colette Jane Fehr, author of The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love, about why we stay silent, and what it costs us. In this episode: Why it's so hard to speak up (even when you know you should) What to do when you get the same response every time you speak up The curse of the good girl (and how it keeps you quiet) How to get out of the Cave of Resentment Self-connected communication: the framework that changes everything The only way to build confidence (it's not what you think) Your communication report card (we all have one!) How conflict is the doorway to intimacy, not the end of it Colette is giving us the tools to stop performing and start speaking. Because the cost of quiet? It's your life. Pre-order The Cost of Quiet here Follow Collete on Instagram My Substack article, and free quiz: Reveal Your Mask

Most people choose a word for the year based on what they want to achieve, acquire, or accomplish. But that's not how transformation works. In this episode, I'm sharing why your word of the year should be about who you're becoming, not what you want to get. It's a practice in identity, not goals. A call toward the woman you're evolving into. not a to-do list disguised as intention-setting. I'll walk you through: Why choosing a word based on outcomes keep you stuck in the same patterns The difference between a word that motivates and a word that transforms My own experience choosing 'selfish' as my word in 2020 - what it taught me, how it challenged me, and why it was exactly what I needed How to choose a word that serves your evolution (not just your ambition) This isn't about New Year's resolutions or vision boards. It's about claiming who you're becoming and letting that guide everything else. WATCH THIS EPISODE ON YOUTUBE: I'm now posting full video episodes on YouTube! If you prefer to warch rather than listen, head over to my channel and subscribe so you don't miss future episodes. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: The Selfish Year - available everywhere books are sold, or click here CONNECT WITH ME: Substack: The Selfish Gospel weekly essays Book: The Selfish Year Instagram LET'S TALK: What's your word for 2026? Drop me a message on Instagram or YouTube. SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If you loved this episode, please subscribe and leave a review, on Spotify or Apple. It helps others find the show. Thanks for listening. Now go choose your word, and let it choose you back.

This is a personal episode for me, one that I feel led to share with you, because I know it's going to resonate. There's a moment in every woman's life when she look at what she's been worshipping - success, motherhood, marriage, being 'nice' - and realizes none of it was built for her freedom. That's the holy sh*t moment. The one where you finally stop trying to earn gold stars for suffering and start knocking over every sacred cow that's been keeping you in a cage. This is aboout burning down the old rules, setting yourself free from everyone else's opinion of you, reclaiming your wild self, and realizing that sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do...is commit a little heresy. Take the Reveal Your Mask quiz Get your copy of The Selfish Year Inquire about working with me as a private client Read The Selfish Gospel on Substack Watch on YouTube

What happens when strategic intelligence meets spiritual intuition? In this electric conversation, I sit down with keynote speaker and author, Karen Romine, to explore the intersection of artificial intelligence and the unseen realms. We talk about how AI is transforming the way we make decisions and scale our lives - and how inner knowing is the missing data point most women ignore. Karen shares her journey from corporate strategy expert to discovering that she is a psychic medium (yes, both can live in one woman!), and how merging logic with intuition creates exponential growth. This one's for the woman who knows she's meant to lead, but also trusts the whispers. The woman who wants to scale her vision without abandoning her soul. And the woman who's secretly felt there's more to 'data' than numbers. We're not choosing between the mystic or the machine. We're using both. Join Karen's book launch event Get your copy of The Selfish Year

What if the way you've been taught to mother - your children, your dreams, yourself - was never yours to begin with? In this potent conversation, I sit down with Dr. Gertrude Lyons, author of Rewrite the Mother Code: From Sacrifice to Stardust, to unravel the outdated scripts women are handed about what it means to mother, and how to rewrite them from the inside out. We talk about: The hidden 'mother codes' shaping every area of your life (whether you have children or not) Why sacrifice is not sacred, and what actually is Reclaiming mothering as a creative, cosmic force - not a job description What changes when you mother from love, not lack Whether you're a mother, mothering yourself, or birthing something new into the world - this episode is a permission slip to mother on your own terms. Let's go from martyr to medicine woman. Connect with Dr. Lyons Get Rewrite the Mother Code Information on The Phoenix The Selfish Year - get your copy now

You weren't born nice. You were trained. By mothers who were trained. By systems that still benefit from your silence. In this episode, you'll hear a casual girlfriend chat with Lesa Koski where we unearth the origins of our people-pleasing, the masks we wear to feel safe, and the slow-burning bravery it takes to start telling the truth. Lesa and I unmask our Good Girls, and give you practical strategies so you can do it too. Because underneath the mask of the Good Girl is a Queen ready to rise. Lesa Koski is a wife, mother, grandmother, mediator, coach, and host of the Saddle Up Live podcast. Her journey has been anything but ordinary, but every twist and turn has brought her to a place where she now helps others live their best lives. Connect with Lesa here Get your copy of my book, The Selfish Year Take my free quiz to reveal the mask you've been hiding behind

Too many women think that taking the high road makes them strong, wise, or 'the bigger person.' But what if that road is actually keeping you stuck in self-abandonment, silence, and disappointment? In this episode, I break down why the high road can be a trap, what to do instead, and how decentering men frees you to finally choose yourself. Get my FREE Guide to Decentring Men and Taking Your Throne Sign up for The Selfish Woman Newsletter Get the Untethered Workshop The Selfish Year - get your copy now! Write a review for The Selfish Year

In this week's episode, I'm joined by Martine Cohen - author, speaker, and transformative coach - who brings a powerful blend of intellect and intuition to the conversation around healing, identity, and reclaiming your power from the inside out. After a traumatic car accident and concussion changed the trajectory of her life, Martine began a deep journey into her own psyche, peeling back the subconscious layers that were blocking her light. What she discovered led her to write a book: No More Layers: Discover You Inner Power and Reclaim True Freedom from the Inside Out - a guide to navigating fear, breaking free from old beliefs, and returning home to who you truly are. Martine's work is all about alignment, not performance. In this conversation, we talk about: Why true transformation isn't about adding more, but shedding what's not yours The tension between intellect and intuition How a breakdown can become the most sacred doorway to freedom The sneaky ways 'success' can become a mask What it really means to live from the inside out This one's for every woman who's tired of the masks, ready to reclaim her wholeness, and willing to meet herself beneath the layers. Martine's Website Feedspot Top 80 Badass Female Podcast List

Let's be real: how many hours have you spent replaying that moment, that choice, that mistake, wondering if you'd just ruined everything? Cringing in guilt and shame, and feeling like a failure? This episode is your permission slip to let yourself off the hook. In this raw and powerful conversation with bestselling author Jennifer Pastiloff, we dive inthe the shame stories women carry around motherhood, art, body image, relationships, and success. Jen shares her journey through grief, loss, and the beautiful mess of rebuilding. She reminds us that not only did we not fuck it up, but maybe...we can't. Jen and I talk about her new book, Proof of Life: Let go, let love, and stop looking for permission to live your life. We share the hilarious/mortifying/magical way we connected with each other and our mutual journey from shame into love. Shame Loss: how to let go of the "I'm bad" belief. The life hack Jen uses to stop saying 'sorry' all the time. The magic of staying open, even when you want to hide. Jen brings humor, vulnerability, deep compassion and bold truth in this episode, and I know you'll come away with a renewed belief in your life, and a permission slip to live it. Get your copy of Proof of Life Preorder The Selfish Year

If you call yourslef a 'control freak' like it's a badge of honour, this one's for you. In this episode, I break down the truth about control: why it's not strength, what it's actually costing you in your body, your mind, and your relationships, and how to finally start letting go without everything falling apart. We talk about: The fear that hides under control Why you're gripping things you don't even need to carry The toll control takes on your nervous system, sleep, and confidence The difference between what's actually yours to hold and what isn't Why being a relaxed woman is your most powerful move. And I leave you with one simple challenge you can take today to start practicing trust - in yourself and the people around you. If you're tired of being 'the strong one' and ready to feel lighter, softer, and more magnetic, listen to this. And don't forget to share it with the strongest woman you know. Pre-order The Selfish Year and join Selfish Summer Camp Email me: valerie@valeriejonescoach.com

This week, I had a moment. Okay.... a full-on meltdown. But underneath it, I realized something powerful: I've been trying to launch my book, The Selfish Year, like a good girl. Strategic. Palatable. The 'right' way. So I threw it all in the fire. And from the ashes? Selfish Summer Camp was born. Because I'm going to do this my way and just like Sinatra, baby, we're all learning this together. In this episode I'm sharing how a late-night breakdown turned into the most fun, honest, unapologetic pre-order campaign I've ever created. This isn't just a book launch. It's a fequency, a summer, a movement. Pre-order The Selfish Year now and register for camp! P.S. Want secret stories, whispered truths, and behind the scenes moments I'm not sharing anywhere else? Become a paid Substack subscriber and come inside the velvet tent: Subscribe to the Blog

What if the biggest challenges in your life weren't meant to break you....but to relaunch you? In today's episode, I sit down with Hilary DeCesare - coach, speaker, and creator of the 3HQ Method - for a deeply honest conversation about what it really takes to rise again in midlife. From her own vulnerable story of starting over to the tools she uses to help women reconnect with their power, Hilary brings both heart and fire. She even takes me through her signature 'Tune-In' process live on the podcast - and yes, it works. If you've ever felt stuck, lost, or like you're getting in your own way, this episode is your sign. There's a path forward, and it doesn't require perfection - just presence, alignment, and a little courage. Plus, Hilary is offering listeners an exclusive 50% off code to her Relaunch Into A Rich Life Event, happening this September! Details inside the episode and linked below. Relaunch to a Rich Life Conference with Hilary DeCesare Use code 'ValerieJ50' to get 50% off Ruby & Platinum tickets. Get your free copy of the Tune-In method Register for Fed Up to On Fire - June 19th Pre-Order my book, The Selfish Year: The Power of Putting Yourself First

This isn't a wellness chat about sobriety. This is a full-body transmission from inside The Altared State - my 30-day ritual of choosing presence over performance, power over numbing, and pleasure that doesn't need permission. In this unfiltered episode, I walk you through Days 1 to 6 of the journey. From moss to molasses, from mocktails to jalapeno clarity. I talk about the shame women carry around craving intoxication, and the radical act of becoming the substance we've been reaching for. If you're tired of outsourcing your aliveness, if you're ready to burn the rules, feel the power, and live at full volume - this one's for you. It's raw. It's real. It's a little unhinged. Welcome to The Altared State. I want to hear what stirred in you. Email me at valerie@valeriejonescoach.com and tell me what this brought up. Subscribe to Substack here