This Was Supposed to be Easy Podcast

Trying something new sounds exciting… until you're actually the beginner. In this episode, Amy and Cheryl sit down with friend and guest Erin Smith-Gaken to explore what happens when we step outside of our comfort zones. The conversation begins with children and activities sports, dance, hobbies, and the growing pressure to specialize at younger and younger ages but quickly expands into a larger discussion about comparison, confidence, grit, and what it means to be a beginner at any stage of life. Together, they explore how parents, coaches, and communities can either encourage or discourage growth, why being "new" has become so uncomfortable, and how many of us carry those same fears into adulthood when considering career changes, new hobbies, or unexpected opportunities. Whether you're helping a child discover their interests or wondering if it's too late to try something yourself, this conversation is a reminder that growth rarely begins with expertise, it begins with curiosity. About Our Guest Erin Smith-Gaken is a learning and development professional, parent, and lifelong learner who recently made the transition from higher education into corporate learning and HR. As the mother of two children, Erin brings both personal and professional perspectives to conversations about growth, confidence, and trying new things. Her passion for helping people step outside of their comfort zones shines throughout this thoughtful discussion. Key Topics and Takeaways Why children are often expected to specialize in activities at increasingly younger ages. The difference between exploring interests and feeling pressured to choose a lifelong path. How comparison can discourage both children and adults from trying something new. The importance of creating environments where beginners feel welcome. Why grit develops through struggle, practice, and persistence. The role parents play in supporting children through success, failure, and uncertainty. How social media can distort our understanding of learning and mastery. The challenge of career transitions and recognizing transferable skills. Imposter syndrome and the belief that there is only one "right" path into a profession. Why curiosity is often the first step toward personal growth. The importance of allowing ourselves to be beginners again. How supportive relationships help us take risks and build confidence. Memorable Lines "The skill of learning to be new and step outside and take risks is so important all throughout your life." — Amy Bond "Almost feeling like you've missed the boat before you're eight." — Cheryl Priest "We're no longer coaching to teach and learn something new. We're coaching for enhancement." — Erin Smith-Gaken "I think we get stuck in the idea that there's only one route from point A to point B." — Erin Smith-Gaken "I'd like the box to be gone." — Cheryl Priest "Sometimes it's our own selves that are getting in the way of trying something new." — Erin Smith-Gaken "Growth rarely starts with confidence. It starts with curiosity." — Inspired by the conversation Challenge for the Week Think about something you've always been interested in trying but never pursued because you felt too old, too inexperienced, or too far behind. Now ask yourself: What would happen if I allowed myself to be a beginner? What am I afraid might happen? What could I gain if I tried anyway? Then take one small step. Sign up for a class. Watch a tutorial. Attend a meeting. Ask a question. You don't have to become an expert this week. Just give yourself permission to begin. Additional Resources Carol Dweck's work on Growth Mindset Brené Brown's research on vulnerability and courage Angela Duckworth's work on Grit TED Talk: The Power of Believing You Can Improve by Carol Dweck TED Talk: Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth

In this episode of This Was Supposed to Be Easy, Amy & Cheryl sit down with Dr. Allison Arnekrans, counselor educator, clinician, and private practice owner, for an honest conversation about therapy, emotional wellness, relationships, and what it really means to care for ourselves in a world that often expects us to “just keep going.” Together, they explore the realities of counseling, the misconceptions people often have about therapy, and why emotional health deserves the same level of attention as physical health. The conversation also touches on high-achieving women, communication, burnout, vulnerability, and the importance of feeling truly heard. This episode is thoughtful, validating, and deeply human, whether you’ve been in therapy for years, are considering it for the first time, or simply want to better understand yourself and the people around you. Guest Introduction About Dr. Allison Arnekrans Dr. Allison Arnekrans is a professor of Counselor Education at Central Michigan University and a practicing clinician specializing in women’s issues, high-achieving professionals, couples communication, and emotional wellness. With experience in both higher education and private practice, she brings a grounded and compassionate perspective to conversations around therapy, relationships, and mental health. Dr. Arnekrans is passionate about helping people feel seen, understood, and empowered in their personal growth journeys. Key Topics & Takeaways Why therapy is often misunderstood The difference between “listening to respond” vs. “listening to understand” How high-achieving individuals can struggle silently The emotional load many women carry behind the scenes Why vulnerability can feel uncomfortable but necessary Communication patterns in relationships The value of emotional self-awareness How counselors balance empathy with professional boundaries Why growth often begins with honest conversations The importance of normalizing mental health support Challenge for the Week This week, try creating space for one deeper conversation. Instead of rushing to fix, advise, or respond, practice simply listening. Ask someone: “How are you really doing?” “What’s been weighing on you lately?” “What do you wish people understood better about your experience?” And if you’ve been considering therapy or additional support for yourself, let this be your reminder that asking for help is not weakness, it’s self-awareness.

What if one of the biggest things we were taught about life… wasn’t entirely true? In this deeply honest and eye-opening conversation, Amy and Cheryl sit down with Dr. Sherene McHenry to unpack a belief many of us were raised with:If you’re kind, if you follow the rules, if you treat people well… everything should work out. But what happens when it doesn’t? Dr. McHenry shares her personal and professional journey of realizing that while kindness matters, it’s not enough on its own. Relationships aren’t always easy, and without boundaries, conflict skills, and emotional awareness, even the nicest people can find themselves hurt, overwhelmed, or taken advantage of. This episode explores the hard truth: not everyone plays by the same rules. And learning how to navigate that reality might be one of the most important life skills we develop. Guest Spotlight: Dr. Sherene McHenry Dr. Sherene McHenry is a full-time author, speaker, and relationship expert with a doctorate in counseling. With decades of experience as both a counselor educator and practitioner, she brings a deeply grounded, real-world perspective to the complexities of human relationships. She is the author of multiple books, including Pick: Choose to Create a Life You Love and Navigate: Understanding the Five Types of People, where she helps individuals better understand themselves, others, and the patterns that shape their interactions. Dr. McHenry’s work focuses on equipping people with the skills many of us were never formally taught—how to set boundaries, navigate conflict, and build healthy, sustainable relationships both personally and professionally. Her approach blends practical tools, lived experience, and emotional honesty, making her insights both relatable and transformative. Key Topics & Takeaways The belief many of us were raised with: “If you’re nice, others will be nice back” The difference between problem solving vs. problem managing How “taking the bait” keeps us stuck in unhealthy dynamics The two common defensive reactions to feedback: Blowing up (intimidation) Breaking down (emotional overwhelm) Why boundaries are not punishment, they’re protection How emotional manipulation can show up in subtle ways Why “canceling” people too quickly can do more harm than good The importance of giving people the opportunity to grow How to recognize when a relationship is no longer safe or healthy The role of therapy, journaling, and self-awareness in healing The truth: healthy relationships require courage, not just kindness Memorable Lines “I thought everything was going to be fair and easy… and then life hit me.” “Nice people without boundaries are the least equipped for difficult people.” “Why do you always take the bait?” “When people tell you who they are, believe them.” “You don’t solve every problem; you learn to manage some of them.” “This relationship works as long as you have no needs, no feelings, and no wants.” “The only thing worse than being brave… is staying stuck.” “If it bothers you for more than an hour, it’s worth addressing.” “You earn your way into my life, and I get to choose how close you come.” Try This: Challenge for the Week Think about a relationship or situation in your life that feels… hard. Then reflect: Have you been trying to solve something that actually needs to be managed? Is there a boundary you haven’t clearly communicated yet? What truth about your feelings have you been avoiding? Then take one small step: Write the letter (even if you don’t send it) Practice the boundary out loud Or simply name the feeling you’ve been pushing aside Additional Resources Pick: Choose to Create a Life You Love by Dr. Sherene McHenry Navigate: Understanding the Five Types of People by Dr. Sherene McHenry Try journaling or writing a “freedom letter” to process unresolved emotions Consider working with a licensed therapist for support with boundaries and conflict Connect with us Website: https://supposedtobee

In a world that feels loud with bad news, Cheryl and Amy slow down to talk about something both tender and surprisingly practical: hope. Inspired by a conversation between Mayim Bialik and Simon Sinek on optimism vs. pessimism, they explore what hope really is (and what it isn’t). Together, they name how easy it is to spiral into helplessness—and how hope can be a mindset plus action, not denial or “marshmallow fluff.” From “good news” algorithms, to boundaries that protect mental health, to Cheryl’s seed-ordering ritual as a tiny act of future-facing faith, this episode offers grounded ways to build hope—especially when it doesn’t come naturally. The conversation closes with Emily Dickinson’s “Hope is the Thing with Feathers,” an invitation to carry hope together. Key Topics and Takeaways Hope vs. Optimism (and why it’s not toxic positivity): Hope doesn’t ignore hard things—it acknowledges reality and believes change is possible. Hope is buildable: You’re not either “born hopeful” or not. Hope can be practiced and strengthened over time through small, intentional shifts. Mindset + action: Hope isn’t passive wishing. It includes agency (“I have influence”) and pathways (finding a route forward)—a nod to Snyder’s Hope Theory and VIA Character Strengths. How to “train your attention” toward hope: Curating what you consume (news, social media, “good news” accounts) and noticing kindness in everyday moments can restore perspective. Boundaries are part of hope: Being hopeful doesn’t mean giving everyone access to you. Protecting your mental health can be a hopeful act. Hope and grief can coexist: Amy names the difference between hoping and wishing—how “wishing things were different” can activate grief, and how hope can live alongside grieving what was or what could have been. Micro-practices that cultivate hope: “Two good things” noticing (acts of kindness, small goodness) Hope journaling (future-oriented reflection + next steps) Turning hope into a SMART goal (one small step counts) Having multiple pathways ready (Plan A, B, C) Leaning on hopeful people—hope grows when shared Memorable Lines “True optimism, true hope, is actually grounded in action.” “Hope is mindset plus action together.” “It’s not blinders… it helps to see the good things that are also happening.” “One of the ways for me to remain hopeful is to be aware of what I need to be hopeful… and it doesn’t mean everyone gets access to me.” “I wish you peace… I hope you find comfort… I hope you meet your goals in a way that doesn’t cause harm to other people.” “I’m going to grieve the loss of what was… and hope for the best.” “There’s so much hope inside the seed.” “Hope grows when it’s shared with others.” This Week’s Gentle Challenge Try a “Hope Practice” for several days—small on purpose. Choose one: Two Glimpses of GoodEach day, notice two moments of kindness, humor, or decency (tiny counts). Write them down or text them to someone. Hope Journaling (5 minutes)Answer: What’s one thing I’m looking forward to?Then: What’s one baby step I can take this week?Bonus: Write two alternate pathways in case your first plan doesn’t work. Plant a Seed (literal or metaphorical)Do one small future-facing action that says: I believe something good can grow here.Order seeds. Start a file. Send the email. Make the appointment. Take the walk. And if you’re willing: share your hope practice with Cheryl and Amy—your story might become someone else’s “crumb” of hope this week. Note: This episode reflects personal experiences and cited research summaries; it’s not therapy or legal advice. For personal situations, consult a qualified professional. Connect with us Website: https://supposedtobeeasy.com/ Our Podcast Home: https://supposedtobeeasy.podbean.com/ Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music/Audible | iHeartRadio Social Media: Instagram @supposedtobeeasy / Facebook @Supposed to be Easy We want to hear from you! Follow and share your key takeaways, idea

This episode starts with what feels like a small win—and quickly reveals why it’s anything but small. Cheryl shares the surprisingly profound experience of clearing off her desk for the first time in a long while, and how that physical shift immediately changed how her brain felt. Amy picks up the thread by introducing a personal change project she’s beginning as part of her doctoral program: an eight-week experiment in organization. Together, they explore how clutter isn’t just about “stuff,” but about habits, unfinished business, mental noise, and the weight of all the things we keep meaning to do. Amy reflects on the tension between being a collector of meaningful materials and recognizing when something no longer serves her current work or life. Cheryl offers solidarity, not expertise—sharing her own struggles with letting go of notebooks, curricula, and “just in case” resources from years past. As the conversation unfolds, the focus widens from physical space to headspace, and finally to time. What happens when we stop carrying unfinished tasks around in our minds? How much energy is lost to reminders we haven’t acted on yet? And what might shift if we dealt with the small things instead of letting them pile up—on our desks and in our thoughts? This episode marks the beginning of an eight-week shared experiment. Amy and Cheryl invite listeners to join them in choosing one habit, one space, or one pattern to gently work on—together, imperfectly, and with curiosity. Key Topics & Takeaways How physical clutter directly impacts mental clarity The difference between “new you” and new habits Why buying organizing tools isn’t the same as using them Letting go of materials tied to old roles, certifications, or identities The mental weight of unfinished business (and why it matters) Organization as a form of self-support, not self-improvement How clarity can change our experience of time—even when schedules stay full Using accountability and shared reflection to support sustainable change Memorable Lines “I physically feel less scattered in my brain because my space is a little less cluttered.” “It’s not a new me. It’s new habits.” “My space feels muffled—like a room full of people talking.” “The weight of unfinished business is very significant.” “I’m really good at creating a beautiful space. I’m terrible at keeping it that way.” A Gentle Challenge for Listeners Choose one space—a desk, a drawer, a bag, or even a digital folder—and try this: Make two piles: This has fully lived its life This might still have a purpose (I’ll decide later) Deal with one piece of unfinished business that’s been taking up mental space. Notice how it feels—not just in your space, but in your body and your thoughts. You’re invited to stick with this for the next eight weeks, checking in with yourself (and with us) along the way. Resources & References Mentioned Change management and behavior change theory Dr. Katy Milkman’s work on habit formation and change Marie Kondo’s approach to decluttering (informally referenced) Use of digital tools (including ChatGPT and search) as alternatives to holding onto physical materials Full-spectrum light therapy and the impact of winter on mood and focus

In this episode of This Was Supposed to Be Easy, Cheryl invites Amy to finally share the story behind a “trying something new” moment she’d been dreaming about for years: Amy talks about why the country has felt like a long-time pull, what surprised her most once she arrived, and how traveling so far for the first time challenged (and affirmed) her relationship with newness, discomfort, and letting go of expectations. Along the way, the two reflect on what it means to stop waiting for something to feel “easy” before you do it—whether that’s planning a trip, pursuing a big goal, or simply giving yourself an unscheduled day to breathe. Key Topics & Takeaways Why New Zealand was a “trying something new” momentAmy shares how New Zealand has called to her since 2018, when she first encountered early childhood research connected to the country, and how that dream never fully went away. The reality of travel vs. the story we tell ourselves about itAmy admits she expected entering the country to feel intimidating, but it ended up being far simpler than she imagined, especially with English (and Māori) visible everywhere. The “getting there” part was easier than expected… the coming home part was notAmy describes the different emotional/physical experience of the long travel days and how adrenaline, planning tools, and listener tips helped. Tiny culture surprises that reminded her: you’re not in the U.S.From walking patterns in stores (left vs. right) to the surprising reality of no iced tea and very little ice, Amy shares the small moments that made the experience feel real. Expectation shifts: childcare center visits + the train ride that didn’t happenAmy talks about really wanting to visit early childhood programs, but running into practical barriers (including the inability to call local numbers). She also describes deciding not to take a 10-hour train trip for a one-hour stop and how that became a “next time” plan instead of a disappointment. Letting go of “I should be doing more”One of the biggest takeaways: giving herself permission to rest even in another country without guilt. Strengths in action: learning as a travel compassAmy notices how her “learning” strength shaped her solo days—libraries, museums, cultural experiences, and conversations with locals. Don’t wait for it to feel easy — make it possibleAmy shares a practical mindset shift: prioritize what matters by investing money, time, energy, and planning in small ways over time. Memorable Lines “New Zealand specifically… kind of calls to me.” — Amy “Don’t… wait for it to just magically happen, or feel easy.” — Cheryl “In making it possible, it felt easy on the other side.” — Amy A Challenge for the Week Choose one thing you’ve been “waiting to feel easy” before you do it and take one step to make it possible instead. Here are a few easy-to-try options (pick one): Make a tiny “future me” fund (even $5/week) for something you want to do. Cancel one subscription and redirect that money toward your goal. Spend 20 minutes researching the thing (watch one vlog, read one thread, save one article). Plan one unscheduled block of time this week,no list, no errands, no productivity pressure. Just be. Then ask yourself: What changed in my body when I stopped waiting for easy and started choosing possible? Connect with us Website: https://supposedtobeeasy.com/ Our Podcast Home: https://supposedtobeeasy.podbean.com/ Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music/Audible | iHeartRadio Social Media: Instagram @supposedtobeeasy / Facebook @Supposed to be Easy We want to hear from you! Follow and share your key takeaways, ideas, and inspiration!

As we close out 2025, Amy & Cheryl invite listeners into a gentler way of approaching the new year—one rooted in wintering, reflection, and intention rather than pressure-filled resolutions. Building on last week’s conversation, this episode explores how tools like bingo cards, vision boards, wishes, and “words of the year” can help us move forward without urgency or all-or-nothing thinking. Through stories of seeds, silence, family life, and personal growth, Amy and Cheryl offer permission to slow down, tend to what matters, and trust that even quiet movement is still meaningful progress. Key Topics & Takeaways Why traditional New Year’s resolutions often create pressure, guilt, and burnout The concept of wintering as a season for reflection, rest, and gentle dreaming Using bingo cards, vision boards, or wishes as flexible intention-setting tools How breaking goals into “baby steps” can support motivation and self-compassion Letting intentions stay open-ended so they can grow in unexpected ways Challenging all-or-nothing thinking (full wins, half wins, and hearts count too) Creating categories for intentions (rest, relationships, personal growth, energy) The importance of curiosity when comparing how others approach goals Making space for quiet—silence, slowness, and reflection—as a form of care Moving forward without speed, urgency, or a perfect master plan Memorable Lines & Quotes “Moving forward doesn’t have to be fast to be meaningful.” “Permission to be human gives us permission to show up less than perfect.” “What if we thought about direction without the speed… yet?” “It doesn’t have to be all or nothing—sometimes it’s a half-heart.” “Wintering invites us to tend, not push.” “Slower movement is still movement.” “There have to be seasons where it’s not about becoming more, but becoming truer.” “You don’t have to do everything right now.” “What do I want to nurture and offer care and attention to?” Resources & Episodes Mentioned Episode 42 – Wintering, Rest, and Reflection Referenced multiple times as the foundation for this continued conversation VIA Character Strengths Assessment Discussed in relation to love, learning, wisdom, and shifting priorities Intention-Setting Tools Referenced Bingo cards (annual or seasonal) Vision boards Wishes rituals Word of the Year practices Upcoming Resources Watch our social media for additional details on categories of rest will be shared via social media and the website

Holiday music has a way of time-traveling us straight into our favorite memories, whether it’s vinyl spinning in the living room, singing in the car on a long road trip, or turning decorating day into an event. In this episode, Amy and Cheryl talk about the songs that shaped their holiday seasons, the “rules” about when it’s acceptable to start listening, and how music helps us create memories that stick. Plus: holiday concerts, cozy movies, and a listener invitation to help us build the ultimate winter-holiday playlist. Key topics and takeaways Why holiday music is so powerful: it connects to our senses and makes memories more vivid (and more retrievable later). Nostalgia playlists: childhood albums, record players, and the songs that instantly bring you back. When is it “allowed” to start holiday music? November 1st, day-after-Thanksgiving traditions… and yes, even August (no judgment… mostly). Holiday decorating as a whole experience: music, rituals, themed trees, and making the work feel worth it. The “new music vs. traditions” debate: keeping favorites sacred while still letting new songs earn a place in your holiday story. Holiday concerts & events: Nutcracker, orchestral shows, jazzy Christmas, Mannheim Steamroller, and dream events like Trans-Siberian Orchestra and candlelight concerts. Holiday movies as mood-setters: from classics like Elf and Home Alone to cozy, predictable Hallmark/streaming movies you can wrap gifts too. Songs you love… and songs you cannot: the funny (and emotional) stories behind the “skip it immediately” list. Listener invitation: share your favorite winter-holiday songs, especially from holidays and traditions beyond the ones Amy and Cheryl grew up with, so we can build a community playlist. Memorable lines “One of my favorite things about the holidays… is music.”- Amy “What makes Christmas special to me is that it’s a finite amount of time.”- Amy “We are saturated in Christmas music.”- Amy “It’s important to me to be in that top 0.5% of listeners…”- Cheryl “You’re not watching it because you’re like, ‘What’s gonna happen next?’ You’re watching it because it’s sweet and mindless.”- Amy “Those times that our senses are engaged, those are those moments when we might remember a moment.” - Cheryl “I would love for our listeners to share some of their favorites.” - Cheryl A challenge for the week Pick one memory you want to strengthen this season and pair it with a song on purpose. Choose a “signature song” for decorating, baking, driving, or wrapping gifts. Play it every time you do that activity. Notice how quickly your brain starts linking the music with the feeling. Bonus: add one new-to-you holiday song to your rotation and see if it earns a permanent spot. Additional resources or links The Art of Making Memories (book mentioned by Cheryl) We’ll be creating a Winter Holiday Playlist, and we want your favorites! Connect with us Website: https://supposedtobeeasy.com/ Our Podcast Home: https://supposedtobeeasy.podbean.com/ Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music/Audible | iHeartRadio Social Media: Instagram @supposedtobeeasy / Facebook @Supposed to be Easy We want to hear from you! Follow and share your key takeaways, ideas, and inspiration!