When Our Adult Children Walk Away

What does estrangement actually look like before it happens? In this deeply personal episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp does something she has never done before — she opens up about her own estrangement, inviting her daughter Brianna to join her for a candid, unfiltered conversation about the years that led up to Bri walking away from their family. This is Part One of a three-part series. Together, Janet and Bri go back to the very beginning — tracing the roots of their disconnect through childhood...

In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, you’ll explore what comes after the slog through the first three swirling stages of grief. After the shock, anger, and despair have swirled for a while, you're likely to find yourself so exhausted that you're ready to move out of the darkest days. Dr. Janet walks with you through the courageous decision to move from the dark abyss of pain, resentment and heartbreak into a place where you acknowledge the facts of the situation and choose to...

It’s natural to feel compelled to reach out to fix things at every level of estrangement. We’ve been taught to pursue, talk, challenge, and perhaps even expect certain aspects of a relationship with our adult child. You want closeness, but every “fix it” attempt seems to push your adult child farther away. The tension escalates, accusations worsen, and hurtful words or actions become more personal. It makes no sense, and the confusion turns to helplessness. Well-intentioned friends, fam...

When someone is living with any degree of estrangement, it can feel as though everything they once believed to be true about the relationship has shifted, including their faith. In this episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores how estrangement from an adult child can unsettle long-held beliefs and erode spiritual confidence. Practices that once offered comfort, such as prayer, meditation, or worship, may feel hollow or met with painful silence. A person may feel grounded one day and shaken the n...

The winter holidays can shine a harsh spotlight on your estrangement, can’t they? While everyone else seems to be posting perfect family photos, you’re left wondering how to get through the season when your family table isn’t complete. In this episode, Stillness, Space, and Grace, I'll walk you through the emotional landmines of “high-risk days” such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other meaningful holidays. We’ll explore why the holidays intensify grief for parents of estranged adults, what ...

The winter holidays can turn a soft ache into a sharp pain when you’re estranged from your adult child. That can be true of any holiday. We're so glad you stopped by to listen and learn with me on the When Our Adult Children Walk Away podcast. In this episode, you’ll learn why the winter holiday season feels so intense in the face of estrangement. When Tradition Meets Transition: 6 ways to Maintain the Meaning of Holidays By the end of this episode, you'll know why holidays ...

Hi Listeners, Welcome to this safe, judgment-free space to find support, explore new perspectives, and better understand your estrangement circumstances. Regardless of where your relationship sits on the Continuum of Estrangement, you'll find encouragement and reassurance. If you’ve ever wondered how to move between being a mom to your adult child and a grandma to their children—especially when estrangement or tension is involved—this episode is for you. I'm Dr. Janet Steinkamp, a...

You’ll peel back the second layer of the coercive-control “onion” and learn seven concrete ways control shows up: isolation, monitoring and surveillance, degradation and humiliation, control over everyday life, gaslighting, threats and intimidation, and rules with punishments. You’ll hear real-life examples (from “just preferences” to silent treatments) and why these patterns so often lead to estrangement. Most importantly, you’ll get calm, practical guidance on what you can do right no...

Jealousy is a natural emotion, and still, it can complicate an already painful estrangement. In this thoughtful episode, Dr. Janet helps parents and adult children understand the role jealousy plays in their strained or fractured relationships. Parents, you’re not alone in this. Estranged adult children also tell us they experience jealousy. But the experience for parents and adult children is different. What does jealousy have to do with estrangement? And pointedly, how can jealousy hi...

In estrangement, power, influence, coercive control, and gaslighting aren’t just words—they’re underlying dynamics shaping every conversation, every accusation, and every attempt to communicate. Sometimes emotionally charged dynamics are fueled by our communication style, sometimes by our adult child's, and sometimes by someone else entirely. Enter the concept of coercive control and the cult-of-one dynamic. In this episode, we begin to explore these dynamics, uncover the differen...

When estrangement is part of your life, even small talk can feel fraught. In this episode, I help parents prepare and practice responses for when people — from close friends to casual acquaintances — ask about their adult children or grandchildren. Practice, practice, practice. Thoughtful, intentional responses to questions about our estrangement circumstances can preserve privacy, reduce gossip, and keep the door open for future reconciliation. By responding with positivity...

Do they think about us? Do they miss us? What are they doing on this particular day or during this time of year? So often, we imagine that they've forgotten us, put our family in a box on a shelf. We worry that they've moved on without us, never to wonder about us again. In this episode, I offer insight into how emotionally charged, high-risk days —such as holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries, differ for estranged parents and adult children. Together, we explore how this understanding can f...

This episode is especially for our dads experiencing some degree of estrangement from their adult child. Father’s Day is coming up—and if you're an estranged father, you know this day can land like a punch to the gut. Whether you're sitting in silence, hoping for a message that may never come, missing the traditions of the past or wondering if reaching out is the right move… this episode is for you. Let’s talk about what makes Father’s Day so hard for estranged dads—and how you can take care ...