Work Mom Says®, Don't Be An Idiot!

Lorem Ipsum has been the industry’s standard dummy text ever since the 1500s. #WorkMomSays trauma doesn’t come back as a memory — it comes back as a behavior, and until you understand that, you can’t change it In this episode, Lori Jo Vest is joined by Dr. Kevin Scott, trauma specialist and Marine Corps combat era veteran, to explore how unaddressed trauma silently drives the way men think, feel, and behave in the world — at home, at work, and in relationships. Drawing from Dr. Scott’s clinical expertise, his personal journey through dark and tumultuous chapters, and his work doing crisis intervention training for law enforcement, the conversation covers everything from big T vs. little T trauma to moral injury, trauma response styles, mother woundedness, and why men are so rarely given the tools to express or even recognize their own pain. Lori and Dr. Scott also share practical guidance for anyone — man or woman — who isstruggling with unresolved trauma and wondering where to even begin. Themes Discussed in This Episode What trauma actually is, and why secondary and vicarious trauma are just as real as direct trauma The difference between big T and little T trauma — and why no one gets to tell you what’s traumatic for you Moral injury: what it is, where it comes from, and how it shows up far beyond the military  Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn — trauma responses and why most of us don’t recognize our own Why men in particular struggle to voice emotions, and how society’s messaging makes healing harder The concept of “mother woundedness” and how early attachment issues can drive resentment and relationship struggles How the digital age and social media have made trauma incessant and normalize Practical first steps for anyone hesitant to seek help — including why you don’t have to eat the elephant in one bite Episode Highlights 0:14 – Lori introduces Dr. Kevin Scott and sets up the conversation: what happens when men’s struggles with emotional expression aren’t about willingness — but about trauma they may not even recognize? 2:00 – Dr. Scott shares how he came to specialize in trauma, including the Viktor Frankl moment that changed his life: the idea that suffering is no longer suffering once your pain has meaning. 9:36 – Trauma 101: Dr. Scott offers his definition of trauma — any disruption, short or long term, that affects a person’s physical, social, emotional, and spiritual space — and explains why secondary and vicarious trauma are just as real as direct experience. 11:40 – Dr. Scott introduces moral injury, a term with roots in the military that applies to anyone who has had to act against their own values — in parenting, marriage, substance use, and everyday life. 18:20 – Lori and Dr. Scott break down trauma response styles — fight, flight, freeze, and fawn — and why Lori’s lifelong fawning response (“if everybody likes me, I’ll be safe”) shaped so much of her early life. 19:49 – Dr. Scott shares a key insight from world-renowned trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk: trauma doesn’t come back as a memory — it comes back as a behavior. Understanding that changes everything about how we see difficult people, including ourselves 22:47 – Why do some men struggle with authority from women? Dr. Scott introduces the concept of “mother woundedness” — and gets real about how early attachment failures can generate loathing and resentment that goes far beyond ordinary misogyny. 27:18 – Dr. Scott reflects on how a generational shift in parenting has left young men without the emotional vocabulary to express disappointment, shame, fear, or loneliness — and how toxic masculine norms make it even harder. 33:07 – The digital age has made trauma incessant. Dr. Scott explains how a person can now be traumatized from the moment they open their eyes to the moment they close them — and how society hasn’t begun to catch up with what that means. 39:04 – Psychoeduca

#WorkMomSays taking your Paid Time Off (PTO) is essential for personal and professional well-being. In this episode, Lori Jo Vest addresses the myth that the office can’t survive without you and emphasizes the importance of stepping away from work. She shares her journey of overcoming the fear of taking time off and highlights the benefits of truly disconnecting. Discover how using your PTO can enhance creativity, improve health, and prevent burnout. Learn effective strategies for planning and taking your time off without anxiety, and understand why making PTO a non-negotiable part of your work life is a strategic decision for a balanced and fulfilling career. Themes discussed in this episode The necessity of using PTO for personal health and productivity Overcoming the fear of taking time off in a demanding work culture The benefits of taking breaks for creativity and mental clarity Strategies to successfully unplug and make the most out of your PTO Episode Highlights Time-stamped inflection points from the show 00:40 – Lori reveals her own struggles with not taking PTO despite encouraging her team to do so. 01:57 – Lori’s personal experience of finally taking time off after five years and realizing the sky didn’t fall. 04:41 – Reasons professionals avoid PTO and why these fears are largely unfounded. 06:50 – A reality check: You are valuable but not irreplaceable, and that’s okay. 10:31 – Strategies for using PTO effectively without anxiety, including setting boundaries and planning ahead. Top Quotes 04:13 – “PTO should be non-negotiable, and there’s a reason for it.” 07:03 – “You are valuable to your employer, but you are not irreplaceable, and that’s okay.” 08:03 – “When you don’t take that time off, you’re essentially gifting your employer free labor.” 13:06 – “Taking your paid time off is not slacking. It’s strategic.” Transcript 00:12Hello, I’m Lori Jo Vest. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of “Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot!” This episode is for young professionals who think the office will crumble down without them. We’re calling it, “You’re Not That Essential. Use Your PTO.” PTO stands for paid time off, and if you have it, you need to take it. 00:40And I’ll tell you what I think is really funny. I need this reminder just as much. I was talking to my team about what the next episode should be about, and what came up was “use your time off.” My team that works for me at the digital ad agency that I run with my husband, they know how important I think it is for them to take their PTO. But when it came to me, when they brought that up, I actually said that would mean I’m a hypocrite because I don’t take my time off. Now, my time off isn’t paid as the owner. It’s a whole different thing going on here. 01:17But what I discovered is that my own fears of being away from my desk or not plugged into our company and what was happening and how I could contribute—I had a lot of fear around that. What if something fell apart while I was gone? But the reality is, it’s really funny, is that I could take a week off, and because we work at home and weren’t going anywhere, if I needed to step in and take care of something, it takes five minutes. It’s not a big deal. 01:57So before recording this episode, I forced myself to take my five days off. I hadn’t taken five days off in about five years. So how did I do? I did okay. I worked probably most days for just a few minutes, checking in on emails, answering questions, making sure things were flowing like they should, right? I probably shouldn’t have even done that, but baby steps, baby steps. 02:29And as the owner of a company,

#WorkMomSays that the best career advice focuses on continuous learning, building strong relationships, and taking action even when you’re not ready. In this episode, Lori shares three powerful pieces of advice that can significantly impact your career growth. Learn how to adapt to change, leverage your network, and overcome self-doubt to achieve professional success. Themes discussed in this episode The importance of continuous learning for career development Building and maintaining strong professional relationships Taking proactive steps and embracing opportunities before feeling fully prepared Episode Highlights Time-stamped inflection points from the show 00:13 – Introduction and overview of the three key pieces of career advice. 01:03 – Learning how to learn: Emphasizing the need for continuous skill development, especially in fast-changing environments. 03:58 – Relationships are everything: How networking and building strong connections can open doors and provide opportunities. 05:34 – Take action before you’re ready: Encouraging proactive behavior and embracing opportunities despite self-doubt. Top Quotes 03:07 – “Learning to learn, becoming a lifelong learner, is really important to long-term success.” 04:47 – “Your network will open more doors than your resume.” 06:39 – “Get the job and then figure out how to do it. You’ll learn faster on the job than studying or taking a course.” 07:52 – “None of us are ever ready. And a great piece of advice that I tell people is don’t be fooled. Nobody really knows what they’re doing. We are all just making it up as we go along.” Transcript 00:13Hello, I’m Lori Jo Vest. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Work Mom Says “Don’t Be An Idiot!” So I was thinking about what to record today, and what came to mind is what would be the best three pieces of career advice I could give to anybody right now that would change their career trajectory? And here’s what I came up with. It’s so true. It’s just these are the things that helped me grow in my career and that helped most people grow in their careers. So focus on learning how to learn, building strong relationships, and taking action before you feel ready. And let’s dig into this a little bit deeper. 01:03Learning how to learn. Things are changing constantly. AI is everywhere. There are all kinds of skills that will help you in your career. Everything from writing to reading a lot, learning how to digest complex information. You need to continue to learn in order to elevate your skill set and your performance. So I’ll give you a couple of examples. 01:32When AI first started, this was probably three and a half years ago that we first started hearing about it. And I run a small digital marketing shop, and we got a project that involved writing SEO copy descriptions, product descriptions for 4,000 different luxury carpets. That’s a lot of copy. And so we knew in order to hit the client’s budget targets that we would need to bring in some kind of an AI tool. That’s what they suggested. We’d never done that before. There was a really early one called Jasper. And what we did was we would go into this tool, enter in the colors, the pattern, the materials, some adjectives. After we entered that information into the tool, it would spit back, you know, different angles on that copy. And that was the hardest thing about it. When you have to write repetitively, it can be really challenging to come up with different angles. And Jasper did that. It didn’t always do it well. And it came up with some really crazy things. At one point, it suggested that this 8 by 10, you know, beautiful Persian rug would be something that you would bring with you to parties so that

#WorkMomSays that knowing when and how to give notice is essential for a smooth career transition. In this episode, learn the importance of providing a two week notice in professional environments and when immediate departure from a toxic workplace is justified. Discover insights on maintaining professionalism, recognizing red flags, and the impact of leaving a job gracefully or abruptly. Themes discussed in this episode The importance of professionalism when leaving a job When to offer a two-week notice and the benefits of doing so Identifying and responding to toxic work environments Personal experiences and lessons learned in career transitions Episode Highlights Timestamped inflection points from the show 00:12 – Introduction to the episode: Lori discusses the key considerations when giving notice and the importance of maintaining professionalism. 02:10 – Why a two-week notice is beneficial: Lori shares insights on how a formal notice period can leave a positive impression. 02:40 – Personal story from an advertising career: Lori recounts an experience with a seemingly promising job that turned out to be problematic due to unprofessional behavior. 05:05 – Red flags at a new workplace: Inappropriate conduct and lack of boundaries at a digital shop. 07:25 – The value of bridges unburned: A former employer reached out with a job offer after Lori’s professional departure. 09:02 – When not to give notice: In certain toxic environments, immediate exit is sometimes necessary to protect one’s well-being. Top Quotes 4:07 – “So my first day on the job, she told me, hey by the way, I’m in a relationship with the owner. And I just immediately knew that was probably not a good sign.” 5:05 – “Well, then he asked me to do his social media and we had a couple of meetings and I started taking some stabs at what I thought might be appropriate. And his first piece of criticism he began with: if I was the client and you were the agency, I would fire you.” 7:25 – “Since I had given a really great two week notice…my phone rang and it was that agency saying, hey, can you come back?” 9:21 – “And if you’re working in a place that’s kind of a toxic shit show and the owner may be using the staff as his dating pool or you know, you’ve got drinking all day long or you’ve got sexism or racism or inappropriate behavior, don’t worry about two weeks because in a lot of cases people that support that kind of behavior at the office will make those last two weeks a living hell for you.” Links Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book! Transcript 00:12 Hello, everybody. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Work Mom Says “Don’t Be An Idiot!” I’m Lori Jo Vest, and today I want to talk about giving notice from an employer. When it’s time to go, you have made your decision, and you’re giving notice. Do you always have to give a two week notice? No.  Depending on where you’re employed, how your employer treats you, if they are a very professionally run organization, a two week notice is totally appropriate and I would actually recommend it in those situations. If you like your job, but you were simply leaving to look for the opportunity to get a promotion or more money or maybe you were moving. In those situations where you don’t want to burn a bridge, a two week notice is a really good thing. When you give a two week notice, you get to take those two weeks and make it easier for your employer to fill the position with the next person. I’ve actually offered—depending on, you know, what size the company is and where you fit in that corporate structure—I’ve actually offered to find my replacement and I’ve done that at several places because that really does put you in a

WorkMomSays that transforming seemingly temporary roles into fulfilling careers requires adaptability and a proactive approach. In this episode, Lori Jo Vest chats with Kyle Elsasser, who shares his journey from taking a bridge job out of necessity to creating a thriving career path. Themes discussed in this episode Adapting to bridge jobs and finding growth opportunities Navigating post-college career challenges in a pandemic world Importance of customer experience in career advancement Embracing commission-based roles Addressing workplace challenges with empathy Episode Highlights Timestamped inflection points from the show 00:50 – Guest introduction: Kyle Elsasser shares his journey from a pandemic graduate to a flourishing career in the automotive industry. 03:01 – From entry-level to expertise: Kyle discusses the transition from an express lane service advisor to his current role. 04:59 – Finding the value in seemingly temporary roles: How Kyle transformed his ‘bridge job’ into a fulfilling career. 22:55 – Handling conflict with customers: Building empathy and tackling problems collaboratively. 28:59 – Advice for recent graduates and early career professionals: Making the most of your current job while seeking new opportunities. Top Quotes 5:38 – “I decided I wasn’t just going to use it as something to do for a few months. I decided I actually might as well do something with it.” 15:47 – “Being yourself at the office is different than being your best self at the office.” 17:09 – “…when you’re being paid to work, it’s not just your performance in your job, it’s not just your work product that is the- should be the result of that. It should also be your work persona.” 30:21 – “Even if it’s really hellish, focus on what you’re learning. When you start to get antsy, look back. Are you still learning?” Links Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book! Transcript 00:12 LORI: Hello, I’m Lori Jo Vest. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Work Mom Says “Don’t Be an Idiot!” Today we’re going to talk about making the best of where you are. There are times when you’re in a position that you didn’t really expect to have to take. You may have a job that is less than you feel you deserve. You may feel that you are too experienced for your job or should be making more money. All kinds of things can happen. However, sometimes you have to stick with that job that you’re not so happy with for a little bit longer than you’d like. So our guest today is Kyle Elsasser. Say hi, Kyle. KYLE: Hello. 00:57 LORI: A 26 year old University of Michigan grad. He graduated in 2020 during the pandemic and things were extremely difficult and the place that he thought he was going to go right after college, that position evaporated. So he ended up taking what I would call a bridge job, meaning you take that job while you wait for something bigger and better to come along. Right, Kyle? KYLE: Yeah, that was the plan. LORI: Tell us about what happened when you first graduated. KYLE: I had an internship with Mopar. I had a whole- everything lined up, you know, getting an interview set up for the second, third week of March of 2020. That was quote unquote, a formality to go move out of state and start a new job as a district manager. Covid happened, said, oh, we’ll just wait a few weeks, we’ll wait a couple months. And here we are, five years later. LORI: Yea, no kidding. So what was your first position? What did you find out there and how did you find it? KYLE: Well, again it was- I was originally intending to go work for Mopar, which is the service and parts division of FCA or Stellantis Chrysler. Ended up taking a job as an express lane service advisor at a Chrysler dealer that my uncle was the general ma

#WorkMomSays that the quality of your work – both who you are at work and your work product – determines your success. In this episode, learn just how important the quality of your presentation and relationships as well as your work output are when building a solid career. Themes discussed in this episode The quality of your professional presentation and behavior The importance of emotion or mood management The quality of your work output Getting the work done vs creating the best possible work Episode Highlights Timestamped inflection points from the show 2:30 – Presentation is everything: ALWAYS remember that you are being paid to behave on behalf of your employer, and that means representing your company with positivity and professionalism.5:30 – Mood management: Paying attention to your behavior at the office will help you grow past emotions so that your emotions are no longer controlling you. When it’s inappropriate to express them, you put them aside.8:30 – Improve quality of your work: Is your work accurate, is it thorough, and are you making the effort to produce quality work at all times?10:00 – Don’t just get it done: Meeting deadlines is important, but making sure your work is the best it can possibly be while meeting deadlines is way more important. Top Quotes 3:40 – “You are being paid to be there, and you’re also being paid to build productive, effective relationships with the team, and that’s something that a lot of people miss.”5:10 – “It’s really good for your humanity to be forced to be patient with people, to be forced to be compassionate, and that’s one of the things that paying attention to your behavior at the office will help you do. It will help you grow past emotions, so that your emotions are no longer controlling you. You control them, and when it’s inappropriate to express them, you put them aside.”6:15 – “Self-awareness will serve you really well in managing the quality of your behavior at work.”10:00 – “However, the best way to think of it is to make sure it is done and done well. And that takes a little bit longer. It takes more effort, it takes more focus. It takes proofing.”10:50 – “It’s a competition in some ways, not necessarily direct, but it can be a competition, and your behavior and how you present is one aspect of it, and your quality of your work is another.” Links Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book! Transcript 00:00Hello, I’m Lori Jo Vest. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. I have been doing this podcast, I think, for three or four years now. I really love to share what helped me rise through the ranks in my career and helped me get to new levels of success regularly. So that’s what this podcast is about. I want to teach you how to play the emotional contact sport of business because it is an emotional contact sport. There are things that will stand in your way. There are emotions that you will have that will cause you to perhaps behave in a way that is not as productive as you should be if you want to succeed in your career. So there are a lot of things we can talk about, but today, I want to talk about the quality of your work and how and why that’s so important. There are so many people that come through companies that are early in their career that you can tell they just don’t get it. And by that, I mean they’re still in the college mindset, or they’re still in the mindset of, you know, I am myself everywhere I go, I behave the same way everywhere I go. 01:30While that may sound appealing and it may sound like the advice people are giving you when they say, be authentic, it’s really not. When you are in a work situation, you are being paid to act and behave on behalf of that company. So if you keep that in mind at

Trying to level up your personal and professional lives? Try putting an emphasis on growth in both areas, and you’ll grow your career success, too. In this episode, Lori Jo Vest shares ways you can become a lifelong learner and feed your mind with great information that will help you live a life you love. Themes discussed in this episode The value of being a lifelong learner Personal growth training programs – Incl. Landmark Education Talk therapy as a way to grow your emotional skills Putting a supportive community around yourself Using art, music and other endeavors to grow personally and professional Episode Highlights Timestamped inflection points from the show 1:01 – While growth may start as setting goals or making plans for your future, it can become a positive addiction to growing your skills and mastering your emotions2:21 – The impact of cultural and familial conditioning on one’s mindset and the importance of changing these beliefs9:49 – The benefits of therapy for emotional growth and managing difficult client relationships13:36 – Feeding your mind with quality literature, music, and other forms of intellectual stimulation16:20 – The importance of surrounding oneself with positive and supportive people Top Quotes 1:23 – I frequently say I’m addicted to personal growth. I am. I’m always looking to learn something new, to try something new, to jump in with both feet, with new technology, with new marketing tools, things like that, because it’s exciting. It’s interesting to live a life that has variety in it and that challenges you.3:38 – The Landmark Forum basically teaches you that there’s what happens in your life, and there’s the story you tell yourself about what happened, and your power lies in that story.11:16 – If you’re struggling with emotions, because sometimes it can be so challenging for us to unpack what it is in our heads that is causing us to be so angsty or to feel so much discomfort in a difficult client exchange. So therapy is a really great thing Links Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book! Transcript 00:00Hello, I’m Lori Jo Vest, also known as Work Mom. Thank you so much for being here for this episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. Today, I want to talk about personal and professional growth and the value of becoming a lifelong learner. One of the things that I picked up in my thirties that I highly recommend is that you make a commitment to both your personal and your professional growth. If you want to hit the goals you’ve set for yourself, if you want to excel in life, if you want to experience new and different things, have challenging work, express your passions, make a difference in the world, all those things that so many of us aspire to, yet many do not. 01:00Taking a mindset of continuous learning and continuous personal and professional growth will serve you well. If you don’t have it yet, get started. And I can promise you that what starts out as goal setting or you know, maybe a chore can turn into kind of an addiction. And I personally, I frequently say I’m addicted to personal growth. I am, I’m always looking to learn something new, to try something new to jump in with both feet. with new technology with new marketing tools things like that because it’s exciting, it’s interesting to live a life that has variety in it and that challenges you. Focusing on that growth and developing a continuous growth mindset will be really helpful as you seek to either you know fly up the corporate ladder and become a C-level executive or maybe you want to become an entrepreneur or you want to become an independent you know millionaire there’s all kinds of ways to get there so if you have big goals get started by focusing on your personal professional growth. 02:00And