105. I'm Gentle With My Daughter for Ten Minutes. Then I Tell Myself to Stop Being Such a F*cking Embarrassment

About this episode

In this episode, Jane McFadden discusses the conflicting voices within mothers with ADHD and the challenges of self-regulation and self-criticism.

You can talk your daughter down in two minutes. Then you turn around and tell yourself to stop being such a f*cking embarrassment. Same brain. Same mum. Two completely different voices within minutes. 🧠 What we cover in this episode: Why you can co-regulate a child in two minutes and tear yourself apart for the rest of the day The "good girl" reflex and how we absorbed an inward voice between six and twenty-six Why co-regulation is a directional skill — and most ADHD mums have only built it pointing outward Why the inward channel isn't empty — it's full of RSD running threat assessment on you Why "be kinder to yourself" has never worked (and isn't going to) Why gratitude journals, affirmations, "filling your cup," and "talk to yourself like your best friend" don't fix this Why softness towards yourself can feel like a threat to the structure holding everything together The identity layer — being "the regulated one," the calm mum, the one who handles it The one thing that actually works — and yes, you'll feel ridiculous doing it 💭 This episode is for you if: 📥 Free Resource: ➡️ Energy Accounting Guide — for when you've worked out the cup isn't empty, it's got a hole in the…

People in this episode

Host: Jane McFadden

Topics covered

• co-regulation
• ADHD
• self-criticism
• parenting
• mental health
• identity

Keywords

• ADHD
• co-regulation
• self-criticism
• parenting
• mental health
• RSD
• identity

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