Ask Dr. Julie Hanks

In this episode, I sit down with David Matheson, a former LDS conversion therapist who is now openly gay. You may recognize David from episode 1 of Bravo’s Surviving Mormonism with Heather Gay. In our conversation, David opens up about his own experience as a client in conversion therapy, the harmful assumptions that shaped that world, and the moment he realized that no amount of effort would change his sexual orientation. We also talk about the tender complexity of mixed-orientation marriage...

In today's episode I talk with Saren and answer the question “How do I support my 13-year-old daughter who wants to stay in the LDS Church when I have left?” Saren is trying to reconcile letting her child be a part of something that she has chosen to leave behind while also respecting her daughter’s agency. To top it off, her daughter has had a difficult time with her mother’s decision to leave the Church. We discuss strategies—like debriefing after church and staying in contact with her daug...

This bonus episode of the podcast is for anyone who is wanting to step back from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while also protecting their mental health. Listen as fellow LDS therapist Valerie Hamaker and I share insight on important topics like why people choose to leave the LDS Church after a faith transition and how to develop the crucial skill of setting boundaries. Stepping back? How to Leave in a Psychologically Healthy Way If you choose to leave and want to prot...

In this podcast episode I sit down with Mallory and answer the question “How do I pursue a high-powered career and still show up as the mom I want to be?” Mallory recently went back to work part-time and is feeling immense guilt. It feels like she can’t win: When she is at work, she feels like she should be staying home with her children (and feel fulfilled while doing it). And when she is at home with her kids, she feels like she should be working harder. I point out that Mallory is carrying...

In this episode, I chat with Christine and answer the question “How should I approach my daughter’s upcoming baptism when I don’t believe 8-year-olds are capable of making this choice?” Christine and her husband have several valid hesitations about their daughter getting baptized when they aren't sure that she really understands what she would be committing to. Christine and I unpack her concerns and I challenge the thought that her daughter has to be totally “ready” to commit to baptism befo...

In today’s episode, I talk with Nicole and answer the question “How do I know if I want kids because I genuinely want them or because it’s always been expected of me?” After a recent break up caused by her partner not wanting to have children, Nicole is hoping to gain some clarity as to what she wants for her future and why. Nicole and I talk about how to have a meaningful life with or without children, if it matters at the end of the day if she does want kids because it’s what she’s always a...

In today’s episode, I talk with Kelly and answer the question “How do I learn to trust myself when I feel a disconnect between what I learn in therapy and what I hear at Church?” I know that a lot of listeners are going to relate to our discussion. Kelly shares that she feels two parts of her life—therapy and the Church—have been influential and helpful, but that they are currently at odds. During our time together we talk about Fowler’s Stages of Faith and how Kelly is moving from trusting e...

This bonus episode of the podcast is for anyone who is wanting to stay in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while also protecting their mental health. Listen as fellow LDS therapist Valerie Hamaker and I share insight on important topics like why people choose to stay in the LDS Church after a faith transition and how to develop the crucial skill of setting boundaries. Choosing to Stay? How to Stay Connected to the LDS Church in a Psychologically Healthy Way If you choose to sta...

In this episode I talk with Sarah and answer the question, “In the classroom, what techniques can I use to stop comparing myself to others and start fostering a growth mindset?” Sarah just started attending school after a 5-year break, and she has found herself worrying that she isn’t smart enough to be there. Having mixed feelings about trying something new is totally normal. I invite Sarah to recognize her negative feelings and then let them go. She may worry that she isn’t smart enough, bu...

In this episode, I sit down with Amanda and answer the question, “How do I talk with my husband about expectations for behavior at Church and contributing at home?” Amanda’s husband often has his phone out during Church and doesn’t like singing along to the hymns. She recognizes that as an adult, he gets to choose how to worship. But she still wishes he wouldn’t do these things. I tell Amanda that it’s okay to have expectations, but that it is better to focus those expectations on herself. It...

In this episode, I talk with Beth and answer the question, “Should I try and save a friendship that’s ending because my family left the Church?” Beth’s family has a group of friends that get together several times a year for fun trips. After the news came out that Beth’s family is leaving the Church, it’s felt like these friends want nothing to do with them. I encourage Beth to go toward the awkward. It’s likely that these friends are making up stories about what leaving the Church means for ...

In this special episode of the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast, we’re doing things a little different. Instead of hosting a guest and answering their questions, I am honored to be joined by two special guests who I get to interview: Jill Duggar Dillard and Derick Dillard. You may be familiar with Jill from her time on the hit reality tv show 19 Kids and Counting, but Jill is so much more than a tv personality. She is also a wife, mother, follower of Christ, author, and so much more. As you listen...