Beat Motel Zine

In a desperate bid to look like we know what we are talking about, we have overhauled the format. This week, Andrew drags a bewildered Dr. Sam through 1980s Liverpool to discuss why a three time Oscar winner spent his youth hiding in a camouflage suit. We are diving deep into: The Scouse Trinity: Exploring the "Crucial Three". Julian Cope's Fear of the Floor: Why he performed on step ladders because he felt the floor was too dangerous. The Mysterious Drum Machine: The story behind the machine they called "Echo". The Big Lie: How they admitted the drum machine story was just a way to mess with journalists. "Caramelised Hair": The era of sugar-styling that attracted swarms of flies and smelled like a burnt bakery. The Cosmic Gateway: The time Bill Drummond decided a manhole cover in Matthew Street was a cosmic gateway to Iceland. It is peak 80s chaos, involving more sugar and camouflage netting than a primary school bake sale in a war zone. Suggested Listening "The Killing Moon": The one Ian McCulloch insists was written by God, though it is actually the intro to Space Oddity played backwards. "The Cutter": The band at the absolute peak of their 80s powers. "People Are Strange": The Joel Schumacher and Lost Boys payday produced by Ray Manzarek of The Doors. "Over the Wall": A masterpiece from their very dark, silhouette-heavy period. "Brussels is Haunted": The sound of the band in 2026, because they are still at it.

Show Notes Right, here we go. In this episode, Andrew and Dr. Sam tackle 'Foreign Music'—which is basically just a fancy way of saying 'songs where we don't understand the words'. We kick things off with an enormous tube of lube and some fizzy water that's apparently trying to destroy Andrew's teeth. The lads dive into the archives to discuss why the British are so terrified of music that isn't in English, the mystery of Joe Strummer's 'garbled nonsense' Spanish on 'Should I Stay or Should I Go', and the revelation that Plastic Bertrand was basically a French Milli Vanilli on a trampoline. Dr. Sam tries to bring some 'academic' weight to the proceedings by reading high-brow philosophy about repetition, while Andrew just wants to talk about Nena's bass player and why subscription underpants are a recipe for disaster. Expect tangents on Star Trek moral codes, stealing cars you can't drive, and the universal truth that everyone eventually gets 'yogurt chucked up' at them. Riffs of the Week Dr Sam's Riff: Elvin Jones - 'The Prime Element' Andrew's Riff: Rebekah - 'Synthetic Collapse' Dr Sam's Track Choices The Clash - 'Should I Stay or Should I Go' Magma - 'Hortz fur dehn stekehn west' Pixvae - 'La Fuga' Mc Solaar - 'Qui seme le vent recolte le tempo' Andrew's Track Choices Plastic Bertrand - 'Ca plane pour moi' Blur - 'To the End (La Comedie)' Serge Gainsbourg - 'Bonnie and Clyde' Nena - '99 Luftballons' Email us: beatmotel@lawsie.com

This is it. The big one. Episode 161. A milestone nobody asked for and even fewer likely wanted. It's the "Ego-death indulgent Spectacular Special," which is basically a fancy way of saying Andrew and Dr. Sam have finally disappeared up their own backsides to look at the wreckage of the last 160 episodes. Expect a lot of self-congratulatory stats, clips of the pair sounding like absolute melts, and the usual technical failures that have become the show's unintended trademark. We've got deep dives into why Queen is discussed more than played, the actual number of times we've mentioned bodily functions (spoiler: it's lower than you'd think, which is disappointing), and a look back at the time Mike Watt told us he hated Zoom. It's a retrospective of chaos, bad decisions, and the occasional riff. Sam's Riff of the Week The Messthetics & James Brandon Lewis – Deface The Currency Andrew's Riff of the Week LOOK MUM NO COMPUTER – Eins, Zwei, Drei The Ego-Death Deep Dive: A History of Bad Decisions Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Intro: We started with a lie. In Episode 1, Andrew promised a 20-minute show, but it ran to 55 minutes. Sam's original review: "Andrew, this was supposed to be 20 minutes". Cee Lo Green – FUCK YOU: Setting the tone early. Episode 1 ended with Andrew attempting professionalism while Sam signed off with a heartfelt "Fuck you all". Metallica – Fuel: It took us 63 episodes to finally deliver on the Metallica special we promised in week one. The Replacements – Here Comes a Regular: We predicted we'd be "irregular". We then accidentally published for 96 consecutive weeks without missing a single one. The Minutemen – Corona: Revisiting our favourite intro, the moment Mike Watt joined the Zoom call and immediately shouted, "Fuck those people". The Stone Roses – Tell Me: Statistically our most played artist with 14 appearances over the journey. Queen – Stone Cold Crazy: Our most discussed band (mentioned 26 times) that we almost never actually play. The Hall of Fame: Dumb Bits & Chaos The Christian Vulvas: A band name suggestion that almost killed us with laughter. Thighs Wide Open: Walking into the technological dystopia with our "eyes fucking wide open," or something like that. 10 Pence Pieces: The failed monetization strategy involving skin insertion. Testicle Weather Vanes: A foolproof way to predict a tornado or an earthquake based on swinging. Ruddiger Broomhilder's Unripe Plums: The AI-assisted tale of a stomach-ache staging a revolution. Love vs. Death vs. Poo PIL – This Is Not A Love Song: The stats are in. We prefer death (29 songs) over love (19 songs). Phil Collins 3 – Pooey Stick: Despite the scatological humor, "poo" has only appeared 11 times in the transcripts. The Numbers That Tell the Story Stat Number Total episodes 167 (including trailer) Total hours of content 136.1 Total tracks identified 1,044 Unique artists 706 Artists played only once 560 (79%) Sam's track picks 354 Guest picks 166 Longest publishing streak 96 weeks Average episode length 65 minutes Love songs / Death songs 19 / 29 Horse references 13 Toilet / Poo references 12 / 11 Unused backlog ideas 74 Original zine issues 10 Watch more Beat Motel chaos here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWvEIcKhJxA&list=PLwnzX0gT6IrcZqrF2Xslb19NiBRgd9rj9

Look, we've all been there. You go to a gig at a university campus that looks like a concrete fever dream from A Clockwork Orange, you feel ancient because the students are all drinking a gallon of water from Stanley cups instead of proper ale, and then you have to question your own bowel integrity because someone in the crowd is weaponising their flatulence. This week, Andrew and Dr. Sam dive into the "Normal Lineup, Weird Noises" theme—basically, what happens when a standard rock band decides to make sounds that shouldn't exist. We've got Jerskin Fendrix (aka Jocelyn Dent Pooley, the man with a name like a removal firm heir), the sonic separation of Big Business, and the avant-garde chaos of Deerhoof. Also: Why do people heckle sensitive jazz drummers? Is every Ukrainian black metal band actually staffed by archaeologists? And why does Paul Westerberg spend the start of a Replacements track sounding like he's hoovering up a pharmacy floor? It's music, it's chaos, and it's probably the only podcast that mentions both Agathee Christie and the "Pissed Resistance" in the same breath. Riffs of the Week Dr. Sam's Riff Jerskin Fendrix – Jerskin Fendrix Freestyle Andrew's Riff The Callous Daoboys – Distracted by The Mona Lisa Dr. Sam's Track Choices Big Business – Cats, Mice Deerhoof – The Perfect Me Victims Family – The Germ Adam and the Ants – The Day I Met God Andrew's Track Choices Caroline Polachek – Dang Everything Everything – Cough Cough The Charlatans – I Can't Even Be Bothered 1914 – 1914 (The Siege of Przemyśl) Email us: beatmotel@lawsie.com

In this episode, Andrew and Dr Sam tackle the high-brow topic of Autumn, which mostly involves Sam moaning about how grey Finland is and Andrew recounting the time he kicked a pile of dog muck while trying to be whimsical. We also dive deep into the world of Roy Orbison, specifically his secret life as a competitive remote-control car enthusiast and how he basically wore the same pair of filthy glasses for 25 years. Andrew finally sees the Rocky Horror Picture Show and is traumatised by middle-aged men in stockings, Sam tries to find a version of 'Autumn Leaves' that doesn't taste like high-fructose corn syrup, and we discuss why the Beatles were basically ancient by the time they hit 30. There's also some talk about Jeff Lynne (obviously), stealing cheese from Blur, and why you should never go to an all-you-can-eat buffet if you value your self-respect. ### Riffs of the week #### Dr Sam's Riff - Roy Orbison - (All I Can Do Is) Dream You #### Andrew's Riff - Rocky Horror Picture Show - Sweet Transvestite ### Dr Sam's track choices 1. Nat King Cole - Autumn Leaves 2. Cannonball Adderley - Autumn Leaves 3. Roger Williams - Autumn Leaves 4. Edith Piaf - Les Feuilles Mortes ### Andrew's track choices 1. Guns n Roses - November Rain 2. Autumn Almanac - The Kinks 3. Crowded House - Fall at your feet 4. Forever Autumn - Justin Hayward and Jeff Wayne Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com

In what can only be described as a new low for the Beat Motel, Andrew and Dr. Sam dive headfirst into a theme so thin you can practically see through it: Water. What starts with Jackie Chan karate-chopping peanut packets somehow devolves into a harrowing discussion about men who refuse to wipe their backsides because it's "too gay," and the pungent aroma of a father's "beefy" morning ritual. Musically, we're forced to endure everything from Janet Jackson's "Moist" (a song that makes everyone's knees feel funny for the wrong reasons) to a Deep Purple video featuring a pilgrim on a Mad Max vehicle. We also touch on why Jimmy Carr is the Nigel Farage of comedy, the baffling rise of J-Pop sensation Ado, and why Weezer's Rivers Cuomo looks like he's constantly checking his watch for an exit strategy. It's damp, it's irreverent, and it's probably best listened to while weeping into a Victoria sponge. ### Riffs of the week #### Dr Sam's Riff - Ado - Kura Kura #### Andrew's Riff - Zatokrev, Bolzer, Schammasch - Red Storm ### Dr Sam's track choices 1. TLC - Waterfalls 2. Aerosmith - Cryin' 3. Janet Jackson - Moist 4. Joan Armatrading - Water with Wine ### Andrew's track choices 1. The Stone Roses - Waterfall 2. Nirvana - Territorial Pissings 3. Deep Purple - Smoke on the water 4. Weezer - Africa Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com Here's that Deep Purple video: https://youtu.be/Q2FzZSBD5LE?si=7lmp39n-ZpcOQPnn

We're back, and frankly, if you've stuck around this long, you only have yourself to blame. After our first-ever break, Andrew and Dr. Sam return to discuss why cats don't actually like dope beats, despite what Aaliyah told us in 2000, and why fireworks and techno are a bad mix for pets. In this episode, we dive into the legendary Eric B. & Rakim, Japanese garage rock icons Thee Michelle Gun Elephant, and the "emotional grindcore" of Swarrrm. There's also a deeply unnecessary deep dive into The Queers' lyrical nuances from 1999 and a story about a band that split up because the singer decided to use the drummer as a urinal. We also explore why boredom is actually quite fast, the joy of "institutional Finnish pasta", and why Beat Motel is effectively just a sticking plaster on the gaping wound of your personal issues. Riffs of the Week Dr Sam's Riff Thee Michelle Gun Elephant - "The Birdmen" Andrew's Riff Blood Incantation - "The Stargate [Tablet 3]" Dr Sam's Track Choices 88 Fingers Louie - "Newspaper" Swarrrm - "13" The Queers - "No Tit" HIRS - "Public Service Announcement" Andrew's Track Choices System of a Down - "Chic 'N' Stu" Buzzcocks - "Boredom" Sub Focus and Grimes - "Entwined" The Bluetones - "Fast Boy" Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com Gabba dancing: https://youtu.be/FUD-HExh9ow?si=Kaq8OykylcVEUosL

Welcome to a truly unhinged episode, where Andrew's cold-ridden brain meets Sam's particular brand of chaos. This week, we're diving into Musicians in Odd Places—which, let's be honest, is mostly an excuse for us to get wildly off-topic and fact-check things on the fly (and usually get them wrong). Andrew even managed to misspell the theme title on his notes. We kick off by debating the horrors of modern parenting and screen time, reminiscing about the simple joy of having the TV just... turn off. From there, it's a short, unsettling skip to a discussion about Conkers, which, inevitably, turns into a mention of "Bollock Conkers". You're welcome. The main theme gets a slightly more musical start with Sam's Riff of the Week—a deep, pumping slice of dub that Andrew associates with summer. This somehow leads Andrew to mix up Jeff Lynne and Jeff Wayne (an ongoing national embarrassment). ### Riffs of the week #### Dr Sam's Riff - Jacob Miller - Keep on Knocking #### Andrew's Riff - Buggery Act - Rusted Pliers ### Dr Sam's track choices 1. Mike Patton - Teenage Mutant Nina Turtles Theme 2. Johnny Cash - Don't Take Your Ones to Town 3. D.O.A. - That's Why I Am An Atheist 4. Tiny Tim - Living in the Sunlight, Lovin' in the Moonlight ### Andrew's track choices 1. The Wombles - Remember You're A Womble 2. War of the worlds - The Spirit of Man 3. Labi Siffre - I Got The... 4. Public Image Ltd - Rise On the Menu of Oddness: * Mike Patton's Paycheck: Faith No More's Mike Patton pops up where he has no business being: singing the theme for a video game version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He said he did it so his nieces could enjoy something he was involved in. * Wombles Rock: Andrew's choice of session musicians in unusual places is Chris Spedding lending his guitar skills to The Wombles. * Johnny Cash vs. His Ones: Sam digs up the horrifyingly earnest Sesame Street parody of "Don't Take Your Guns to Town," where Johnny Cash sings about the little cowboy Billy Joe trying to take his number ones (as in toys and cookies) to school instead of sharing. * The Jeff Wayne Fiasco: Andrew confesses a lifelong belief that Jeff Wayne's War of the Worlds was an ELO side project, before Sam sets the record straight that the producer/composer is actually a TV theme tune guy. Also, a surprisingly passionate and improvised vocal performance from Phil Lynott is on the album. * Joey Shithead for Council: The legendary frontman of hardcore band DOA is now a local politician, serving as a city council councillor in Burnaby, British Columbia. * Chas and Dave: Funk Brothers: The unlikely Cockney duo were session musicians (the 'fuckbrothers', apparently) for Labi Siffre's fantastic tune "I Got The...". * The Tiny Tim / SpongeBob Connection: The ukulele-wielding oddball is apparently part of a kid's playlist because his song "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" was on an early SpongeBob episode. This leads to the discovery of his truly offensive Christmas single, "Santa Claus Has Got The AIDS This Year". * PIL's All-Star Band: A surprising lineup for Public Image Ltd's "Rise" featured Tony Williams (Miles Davis's drummer) and Steve Vai (guitar) on the album version. A lot of questionable facts and even more questionable chat. Get stuck in, you awful people.

Who says taste can't evolve? This week, Andrew and Dr Sam go on a full-blown U-turn, confessing their love for bands they once treated with the kind of disdain normally reserved for traffic wardens and warm lager. Expect shocking revelations: Bonnie Tyler's absurdly overproduced 80s epic is now basically gospel. Cradle of Filth? Once unlistenable black metal, now "charmingly chaotic". The Beastie Boys go from party-clown pariahs to filth-toned bass gods. Deep Purple gets a love letter. And Split Enz? The band nobody asked for suddenly gets a sparkly redemption arc. Also: Finnish shopping centre linguistics How a Mercedes almost caused an international incident Traffic wardens, German police, and the time an entire road of cars vanished Folk music's stealthy mission to win your heart through Pete Seeger-related Stockholm syndrome Basically, it's the usual chaos with a theme loosely stuck on like a peeling gig poster on a damp venue wall. Stick around for ludicrous Hard-Ons album titles and an exploration of music that makes your genitals not catch fire (unlike Bonnie Tyler's). Riffs of the week Dr Sam's Riff: Gorilla Toss – Panglossian Mannequin Andrew's Riff: The Stone Roses – One Love Dr Sam's track choices: Bonnie Tyler – Holding Out for a Hero Cradle of Filth – Desire in Violent Overture (Remixed) Japan – The Art of Parties Hamish Imlach – Johnny O'Breadislee Andrew's track choices: Split Enz – I See Red Hard-Ons – Carrot Top Deep Purple – Speed King Beastie Boys – Gratitude 💌 Email us your confessions of musical flip-floppery: beatmotel@lawsie.com

Ever bought an album just because you should love it... only to file it under "respect, but no thanks"? This week, Andrew Culture and Dr. Sam go full chin-strokey and dive deep into the bands, albums, and entire genres that make them go, "I get it. I just don't want it." We're talking Flux of Pink Indians' sonic assaults, John Zorn's sex-jazz chaos, Minutemen's minute-long jazz-punk spasms, and yes, that unholy racket from Merzbow. Along the way we also chat about Damon Albarn's trouser-based stage antics, Janis Joplin's wardrobe malfunctions, and what happens when Rick Wakeman tries to write a stadium-rock opera about Henry VIII's wives. Seriously. It's an episode filled with love for the bold, the bizarre, and the borderline unlistenable. So grab your brandy, light your pipe, and stroke your chin in a disapproving-yet-respectful fashion. What you'll learn this episode: Why Andrew would rather chew tinfoil than listen to Merzbow again What makes Dr. Sam say "this is basically an angry Jackson Pollock painting" Who wins the battle of "I admire them, but no thanks" — Apex Twin or The Minutemen? Why Flux of Pink Indians were literally banned by the police (hint: it wasn't for being catchy) The sexy noises of John Zorn and why jazz speedrunning should be a sport Plus! Music recommendations, tangents about driving in America, dodgy cod reggae, and why you should never trust someone who plays saxophone and wears a beret. 🎸 Riffs of the Week 👉 Dr. Sam's Riff: Danny Brown – Copycat 👉 Andrew's Riff: Die Spitz – Throw Yourself to the Sword 🎵 Dr. Sam's Track Choices: 1. Flux of Pink Indians – The Fucking Cunts Treat Us Like Pricks 2. John Zorn – Erotico (The Burglars) 3. Taraf de Haidouks – The Return of The Magic Horses 4. Merzbow – Woodpecker No. 2 🎵 Andrew's Track Choices: 1. Aphex Twin – Windowlicker 2. Rush – Spirit of Radio 3. Minutemen – This Ain't No Picnic 4. Primus – Tommy the Cat 📧 Email us: beatmotel@lawsie.com

No description provided.

If you've ever flipped a vinyl and thought, "well that was a limp finish," then this episode is your new religion. Andrew and Dr. Sam dive into the fine art of ending Side A—the lost craft of crafting a sonic cliffhanger that makes you want to flip that record like your nan flips a Digestive into her cuppa. We've got: The Clash's perfectly measured chaos An R.E.M. song even the R.E.M. boys can't remember Richard Dawson punching you in the feelings A mystery smackhead guitar hero who wandered into a Funkadelic session and laid down one of the greatest solos of all time And very strong feelings about Brett Anderson's 12" misadventure with Suede's "Stay Together" (hint: the band hate it, and Andrew can't stop hearing horn sections) Throw in some serious digressions about class consciousness, cat whiskers, baked beans in mouths, and Gregg's colonisation of the high street, and you've got yourself a full-fat Beat Motel stew. Dave Rowntree of Blur sues PRS over 'black box' royalties All creatures will evolve into crabs Cats' whiskers = biological gap gauges Stripper Vicars: helping painters and decorators since 1995 Midori – "Yukiko-san" Gorillaz ft. Sparks – "The Happy Dictator" Grab a pint, slap on your headphones, and ask yourself – how does YOUR favourite album end Side A? Stuff that might be true (but we didn't check): ### Riffs of the week #### Dr Sam's Riff - Midori - Yukikosan (0:19) #### Andrew's Riff - Gorillaz Ft. Sparks - The Happy Dictator ### Dr Sam's track choices 1. The Clash - Straight to Hell (4.30) 2. Funkadelic - Get Off Your Ass and Jam (1.33) 3. Armstrong & Ellington - Do Nothing 'Til You Hear From Me (opening) 4. Richard Dawson - Two Halves (0.29) ### Andrew's track choices 1. The Stone Roses - Bye Bye Badman 2. Mansun - Stripper Vicar 3. REM - Can't get there from here 4. Suede - Stay Together Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com

This week on Beat Motel, Andrew relives his childhood by rolling down Ed Sheeran's hill into a pile of dog muck, and Dr. Sam reveals he's spent more time chasing cheese than dignity. Somewhere along the way, they accidentally remember this is supposed to be a music podcast. The theme? Cats. That's it. Not subtle. Not deep. Just cats. From SpongeBob's snail-pet Gary to the purring sleaze of Queen's "Cool Cat," we dig into feline-inspired tunes like they're buried in a litter tray. Expect: A semi-academic breakdown of The Cure's "Lovecats" A loving rant about Citric Dummies reviving Dr. Sam's faith in punk The Stray Cats (who aren't British, but fooled us all) Psychobilly hair, ska that doesn't suck, and why Jules Holland might secretly be a dog person A jazz track from 1931 that the BBC had to rename because it was "too rude" (spoiler: it wasn't about a cat, but we're pretending it was) Andrew's website gets cyber-attacked mid-show (presumably by a Japanese feline overlord), and we waste far too much time translating song titles through every Nordic and Baltic language available. We also discover the only way to pick a cat from a rehoming café is to let it slap you in the face. It's a mess. It's musical. It's got Matt Berry rubbing a snail on his face. It's Beat Motel at its most confusingly brilliant. ### Riffs of the week #### Dr Sam's Riff - Citric Dummies - I Am Your Napkin #### Andrew's Riff - vildhjarta - + byta ut alla stjärnor på himlen mot plustecken + ### Dr Sam's track choices 1. Spongebob - Gary's Song 2. Stray Cats - Stray Cat Strut 3. Queen - Cool Cat 4. Presidents of the United States of America - Kitty ### Andrew's track choices 1. The Cure - Love cats 2. Squeeze - Cool for cats 3. The Slackers - El Gato 4. Harry Roy & His Bat Club Boys - My girl's pussy Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com