Why Working Harder Isn’t Changing Your Anxious Attachment
About this episode
This episode discusses how working harder in relationships can perpetuate anxious attachment rather than heal it.
Let’s talk about something that feels productive… but is actually keeping you stuck: working harder in your relationship. You know what I mean. You’ve got the notes app open in bed. You’re rewriting the text. Replaying the conversation. Journaling it out. Trying to say it the right way so you don’t sound needy. And it feels like you’re doing all the “right” things. Like you’re being thoughtful, self-aware, emotionally intelligent. But somehow… you still feel anxious. Still overthinking. Still stuck in the same loop. In this episode, we’re getting honest about why working harder isn’t healing your anxious attachment — and why it might actually be making your relationship feel heavier, more stressful, and way less fun than it needs to be. We talk about: - The “I just need to figure this out” mindset in relationships - Why overthinking, journaling, and rewriting texts can become over-functioning - The cycle of feeling distance → working harder → over-explaining → temporary relief → repeat - What it looks like to perform being secure vs. actually feeling secure - Why high-achieving women struggle to relax in relationships - How trying to “fix” the relationship pulls you out of…
More episodes of BeThatHealingGirl Podcast
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- How to stop getting anxiously triggered in your safe relationship
- 3 Things I Did to Face My Biggest Relationship Trigger (That Most People Skip)
- You’re Self Aware So Why Are You Still Triggered?
- What To Do When You Start Spiraling in Your Relationship
- What Secure Love Actually Feels Like
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