381: The Sure Thing - A strategy to prioritize intimacy with Elana Auerbach

381: The Sure Thing - A strategy to prioritize intimacy with Elana Auerbach

From Better Sex by Jessa Zimmerman

April 13, 2026 · 30 min

About this episode

Jessa Zimmerman interviews Elana Auerbach about her book and a strategy to prioritize intimacy in long-term relationships.

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Elana Auerbach about her book, “The Sure Thing: A Pleasure Practice to Revive the Spark,” and how a consistent weekly intimacy ritual can rebuild connection in long-term relationships. Elana shares her background as a “good girl” who followed an expected life path, her divorce after realizing a lack of chemistry, and later meeting her husband Bill through a San Francisco pleasure community. After years of desire mismatch, resentment, and trying typical sex advice without success, they created a weekly “sure thing” practice focused on intention, closeness, and taking 100% responsibility for one’s own pleasure rather than performance goals. They discuss responsive desire, preparation cues, the guiding question “what would be most pleasurable right now?”, working with partner resistance, addressing shame, and Elana’s “love ripples” actions to spread connection beyond the bedroom. 00:00 Show Intro 00:46 Meet Elana Auerbach 01:43 Good Girl Conveyor Belt 02:45 Marriage Without Chemistry 04:06 Choosing Divorce Truthfully 05:27 Pleasure Community Awakening 07:22 Parenthood Desire Gap 09:30 Shabbat Sure Thing Idea 11:08 Starting Weekly Practice…

People in this episode

Host: Jessa Zimmerman

Guest: Elana Auerbach

Topics covered

  • intimacy
  • relationships
  • pleasure
  • desire
  • communication

Keywords

  • intimacy ritual
  • responsive desire
  • pleasure practice
  • relationship advice
  • connection

Mentioned in this episode

Books & works: The Sure Thing: A Pleasure Practice to Revive the Spark

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