Why Do I Feel Lonely When I Have Friends?
From Beyond the Type: An Enneagram-Inspired Podcast about Being Human. by Sandy Swanson, PCC, NBC-HWC, A-CFHC, Holistic Communication and Relationship Coach
May 23, 2026 · 30 min
About this episode
Sandy explores the concept of relational hunger and how it affects feelings of loneliness even in social settings.
Have you ever been surrounded by people and still felt completely, inexplicably lonely? That hollow, flat feeling has a name: relational hunger . And it's more common than you think. In this episode, Sandy explores the difference between being heard and being truly known, why so many of us are starving for real connection even when our calendars are full, and what's quietly getting in the way. You'll learn about the three Enneagram instincts (self-preservation, social, and sexual/one-to-one) and how each one shapes what you hunger for in relationships, as well as where your blind spots might be hiding. Sandy also shares why knowing your dominant instinct can help you stop showing up to the wrong table and wondering why you're still hungry. Plus: five practical, doable things you can try this week to start feeding that relational hunger - especially if you're in your 30s, 40s, or 50s and the structures that used to create connection have mostly fallen away. In this episode: Why loneliness is not new, and what HAS changed What "relational hunger" is and how it disguises itself The three Enneagram instincts and how each one experiences loneliness differently A special look at…
People in this episode
Host: Sandy Swanson
Topics covered
- loneliness
- relational hunger
- Enneagram instincts
- connection
- adult relationships
Keywords
- loneliness
- relational hunger
- Enneagram
- connection
- self-preservation
- social
- sexual
- adult relationships
- Type 5
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