Bottled Up: Help for families of alcoholics and those struggling with alcoholism

In this episode Lou and John talk about depression. They explore the difference between feeling sad and being clinically depressed, including the warning signs of exhaustion, hopelessness, isolation and losing interest in life. They discuss how suppressed emotions, especially anger, can turn inward and contribute to depression, and why talking honestly with others can break the sense of being alone. John and Lou also consider when to seek medical help, how counselling, groups and medication may support recovery, and why extreme emotions may be telling you something important about where you find yourself.For 1-2-1 counselling with John visit: https://bottled-up.com/1-to-1/Please be very clear that, at Bottled Up we strongly advise people not to remain in violent or abusive relationships. We understand fully that in many cases circumstances can become untenable. We discuss this fully in our Podcast "Should I Stay or Should I Go".For more information on the service Bottled Up provides, visit: www.bottled-up.comDr John McMahon is a professor and was the senior lecturer for addiction counsellors at the University of the West of Scotland. He has led prominent studies into alcohol addiction for more than 15 years. Before this, for many years, John had an addiction to alcohol. He has been sober for over 40 years.Lou Lewis is a professional counsellor and the co-founder of Bottled Up with John. Lou's first husband had an addiction to alcohol for many years, from that experience and her counselling Lou has a deep understanding of the difficulties of living with problem drinkers.John and Lou are married and live in England. They founded Bottled Up in the hope that it would help change your life.The Bottled Up program is innovative and advocates that the partners of alcoholics can introduce changes to their lives, which will empower them and influence their drinkers to change. If you live with an alcoholic partner, or are looking for help to quit drinking, then Bottled Up is for you.For more help and advice visit www.bottled-up.comFor advertising and sponsorship opportunities email info@snapper-films.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode John and Lou answer your questions. They look at the question of talking to a person in denial about their drinking, the changes in a drinker, talking to teenage children about their parent's drinking. They also explore accepting somebody’s alcoholism whilst not condoning it, influencing your drinker in a positive way, and problem drinkers taking responsibility for their actions and behaviour.For 1-2-1 counselling with John visit: https://bottled-up.com/1-to-1/Please be very clear that, at Bottled Up we strongly advise people not to remain in violent or abusive relationships. We understand fully that in many cases circumstances can become untenable. We discuss this fully in our Podcast "Should I Stay or Should I Go".For more information on the service Bottled Up provides, visit: www.bottled-up.comDr John McMahon is a professor and was the senior lecturer for addiction counsellors at the University of the West of Scotland. He has led prominent studies into alcohol addiction for more than 15 years. Before this, for many years, John had an addiction to alcohol. He has been sober for over 40 years.Lou Lewis is a professional counsellor and the co-founder of Bottled Up with John. Lou's first husband had an addiction to alcohol for many years, from that experience and her counselling Lou has a deep understanding of the difficulties of living with problem drinkers.John and Lou are married and live in England. They founded Bottled Up in the hope that it would help change your life.The Bottled Up program is innovative and advocates that the partners of alcoholics can introduce changes to their lives, which will empower them and influence their drinkers to change. If you live with an alcoholic partner, or are looking for help to quit drinking, then Bottled Up is for you.For more help and advice visit www.bottled-up.comFor advertising and sponsorship opportunities email info@snapper-films.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Living with a binge drinker often feels impossible. It can leave you constantly on edge, scanning for the next crisis. You will probably experience hypervigilance and catastrophising as drinking cycles repeat unpredictably. In this episode Lou and John help you recognise the difference between real concerns and imagined fears, and encourage you to be kind to yourself. Lou talks of avoiding rehearsing worst-case scenarios and speaks of her own experience that “strength will be given when needed,”. John and Lou also advise you on practical coping strategies. By building support, setting boundaries, and planning ahead, you can steady yourself and navigate the uncertainty with greater resilience.For 1-2-1 counselling with John visit: https://bottled-up.com/1-to-1/Please be very clear that, at Bottled Up we strongly advise people not to remain in violent or abusive relationships. We understand fully that in many cases circumstances can become untenable. We discuss this fully in our Podcast "Should I Stay or Should I Go".For more information on the service Bottled Up provides, visit: www.bottled-up.comDr John McMahon is a professor and was the senior lecturer for addiction counsellors at the University of the West of Scotland. He has led prominent studies into alcohol addiction for more than 15 years. Before this, for many years, John had an addiction to alcohol. He has been sober for over 40 years.Lou Lewis is a professional counsellor and the co-founder of Bottled Up with John. Lou's first husband had an addiction to alcohol for many years, from that experience and her counselling Lou has a deep understanding of the difficulties of living with problem drinkers.John and Lou are married and live in England. They founded Bottled Up in the hope that it would help change your life.The Bottled Up program is innovative and advocates that the partners of alcoholics can introduce changes to their lives, which will empower them and influence their drinkers to change. If you live with an alcoholic partner, or are looking for help to quit drinking, then Bottled Up is for you.For more help and advice visit www.bottled-up.comFor advertising and sponsorship opportunities email info@snapper-films.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Lou and John talk about how to detach from your drinker. Detachment is essential to leading a more stable, healthy and happy life, even if your drinker's state is not improving. John and Lou explain how “learned helplessness” can trap you, making change feel impossible, and why detaching from a drinker's behaviour — not the person — breaks that cycle. Detachment helps you step back from emotional chaos, protect your wellbeing, and regain control of your actions. By setting boundaries, changing patterns, and refusing to engage with destructive behaviour, you empower yourself. Crucially, they stress looking after yourself first—your health, dignity, and peace—so you can live freely, regardless of the drinker’s choices.In the words of our producer, "detachment is the single most important thing I ever did".Please be very clear that, at Bottled Up we strongly advise people not to remain in violent or abusive relationships. We understand fully that in many cases circumstances can become untenable. We discuss this fully in our Podcast "Should I Stay or Should I Go".For 1-2-1 counselling with John visit: https://bottled-up.com/1-to-1/For more information on the service Bottled Up provides, visit: www.bottled-up.comDr John McMahon is a professor and was the senior lecturer for addiction counsellors at the University of the West of Scotland. He has led prominent studies into alcohol addiction for more than 15 years. Before this, for many years, John had an addiction to alcohol. He has been sober for over 40 years.Lou Lewis is a professional counsellor and the co-founder of Bottled Up with John. Lou's first husband had an addiction to alcohol for many years, from that experience and her counselling Lou has a deep understanding of the difficulties of living with problem drinkers.John and Lou are married and live in England. They founded Bottled Up in the hope that it would help change your life.The Bottled Up program is innovative and advocates that the partners of alcoholics can introduce changes to their lives, which will empower them and influence their drinkers to change. If you live with an alcoholic partner, or are looking for help to quit drinking, then Bottled Up is for you.For more help and advice visit www.bottled-up.comFor advertising and sponsorship opportunities email info@snapper-films.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Let the negatives happen. We've said it before, we'll say it again! It sounds counter intuitive to being a caring person who has spent a long time trying to cope with their drinker's addiction – and the all-consuming fallout. But if an alcoholic does not appreciate the negative consequences of their drinking then there is no reason for them to change. Think of it as tough love.In this episode Lou and John talk through this strategy for change, based on scientific evidence, of how people change, and that by letting the negatives happen, you can influence change in an alcoholic.Let the negatives happen is part of the acronym L.O.V.E. which can be heard in our previous podcast (episode 24) they're innovative and bold, and might take a little getting used to!Let the negatives happenOptimise time togetherValue your drinkerEncourage changePlease be very clear that, at Bottled Up we strongly advise people not to remain in violent or abusive relationships. We understand fully that in many cases circumstances can become untenable. We discuss this fully in our Podcast "Should I Stay or Should I Go".For more information on the service Bottled Up provides, visit: www.bottled-up.comDr John McMahon is a professor and was the senior lecturer for addiction counsellors at the University of the West of Scotland. He has led prominent studies into alcohol addiction for more than 15 years. Before this, for many years, John had an addiction to alcohol. He has been sober for over 40 years.Lou Lewis is a professional counsellor and the co-founder of Bottled Up with John. Lou's first husband had an addiction to alcohol for many years, from that experience and her counselling Lou has a deep understanding of the difficulties of living with problem drinkers. John and Lou are married and live in England. They founded Bottled Up in the hope that it would help change your life.The Bottled Up program is innovative and advocates that the partners of alcoholics can introduce changes to their lives, which will empower them and influence their drinkers to change. If you live with an alcoholic partner, or are looking for help to quit drinking, then Bottled Up is for you.For more help and advice visit www.bottled-up.comFor advertising and sponsorship opportunities email info@snapper-films.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this new series Lou and John look at Stop Policing the drinker. One of the four Ps (Picking a fight, Punishing, Policing and Pleading). They do not work, so don't do them.If your words aren't getting through to a drinker, you may well take action. Through anxiety this action often comes in the form of Policing the drinking. Searching for alcohol around the house? Every family member has probably done that! Negotiating with a drinker? You may well have done so – trying to limit the amount of alcohol in the house, or drunk in the pub. All your reactions and behaviour are entirely understandable, but, they do not work on the drinker, and they can leave you feeling tired, anxious, exhausted, hypervigilant, depressed, or hopeless. Policing doesn't work, so don't do it.Please be very clear that, at Bottled Up we strongly advise people not to remain in violent or abusive relationships. We understand fully that in many cases circumstances can become untenable. We discuss this fully in our Podcast "Should I Stay or Should I Go".For more information on the service Bottled Up provides, visit: www.bottled-up.comDr John McMahon is a professor and was the senior lecturer for addiction counsellors at the University of the West of Scotland. He has led prominent studies into alcohol addiction for more than 15 years. Before this, for many years, John had an addiction to alcohol. He has been sober for over 40 years.Lou Lewis is a professional counsellor and the co-founder of Bottled Up with John. Lou's first husband had an addiction to alcohol for many years, from that experience and her counselling Lou has a deep understanding of the difficulties of living with problem drinkers.John and Lou are married and live in England. They founded Bottled Up in the hope that it would help change your life.The Bottled Up program is innovative and advocates that the partners of alcoholics can introduce changes to their lives, which will empower them and influence their drinkers to change. If you live with an alcoholic partner, or are looking for help to quit drinking, then Bottled Up is for you.For more help and advice visit www.bottled-up.comFor advertising and sponsorship opportunities email info@snapper-films.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this new series, Lou and John address the things you should never do with a drinker. First up, stop picking a fight with a problem drinker. You won't win, there could be unforeseen consequences for you and the drinker, and you will only feel worse about yourself.A new series in which John and Lou talk about the stopping doing things that don't work. Known as the four Ps, they are Picking a fight, Punishing, Policing and Pleading. They do not work, so don't do them.Please be very clear that, at Bottled Up we strongly advise people not to remain in violent or abusive relationships. We understand fully that in many cases circumstances can become untenable. We discuss this fully in our Podcast "Should I Stay or Should I Go".For more information on the service Bottled Up provides, visit: www.bottled-up.comDr John McMahon is a professor and was the senior lecturer for addiction counsellors at the University of the West of Scotland. He has led prominent studies into alcohol addiction for more than 15 years. Before this, for many years, John had an addiction to alcohol. He has been sober for over 40 years.Lou Lewis is a professional counsellor and the co-founder of Bottled Up with John. Lou's first husband had an addiction to alcohol for many years, from that experience and her counselling Lou has a deep understanding of the difficulties of living with problem drinkers.John and Lou are married and live in England. They founded Bottled Up in the hope that it would help change your life.The Bottled Up program is innovative and advocates that the partners of alcoholics can introduce changes to their lives, which will empower them and influence their drinkers to change. If you live with an alcoholic partner, or are looking for help to quit drinking, then Bottled Up is for you.For more help and advice visit www.bottled-up.comFor advertising and sponsorship opportunities email info@snapper-films.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode of the series "What I wish I'd known", Lou talks to John as he reflects on the early indicators of his problem drinking. John describes how denial appeared as the belief he could change “tomorrow” — a tomorrow that never arrived. As his peers matured, he remained stuck, deliberately choosing environments where heavy drinking was normal. John explains how comparing himself to other problem drinkers and adjusting his surroundings didn’t just mask the problem — they actively suppressed insight and reinforced denial. John reflects on wishing he had recognised the moment when alcohol became the most important thing in his life — and acted upon it then.Please be very clear that, at Bottled Up we strongly advise people not to remain in violent or abusive relationships. We understand fully that in many cases circumstances can become untenable. We discuss this fully in our Podcast "Should I Stay or Should I Go".For more information on the service Bottled Up provides, visit: www.bottled-up.comDr John McMahon is a professor and was the senior lecturer for addiction counsellors at the University of the West of Scotland. He has led prominent studies into alcohol addiction for more than 15 years. Before this, for many years, John had an addiction to alcohol. He has been sober for over 40 years.Lou Lewis is a professional counsellor and the co-founder of Bottled Up with John. Lou's first husband had an addiction to alcohol for many years, from that experience and her counselling Lou has a deep understanding of the difficulties of living with problem drinkers.John and Lou are married and live in England. They founded Bottled Up in the hope that it would help change your life.The Bottled Up program is innovative and advocates that the partners of alcoholics can introduce changes to their lives, which will empower them and influence their drinkers to change. If you live with an alcoholic partner, or are looking for help to quit drinking, then Bottled Up is for you.For more help and advice visit www.bottled-up.comFor advertising and sponsorship opportunities email info@snapper-films.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode Lou talks with John and reflects on what she wishes she’d known at the start of her relationship with her drinker. Lou and John discuss how early signs of problem drinking can be overlooked when falling in love. They explain the importance of addressing problem drinking as soon as possible, and the early love you feel gives you rare leverage to set boundaries. This episode encourages listeners to recognise warning signs early and protect themselves from long-term emotional harm.Please be very clear that, at Bottled Up we strongly advise people not to remain in violent or abusive relationships. We understand fully that in many cases circumstances can become untenable. We discuss this fully in our Podcast "Should I Stay or Should I Go".For more information on the service Bottled Up provides, visit: www.bottled-up.comDr John McMahon is a professor and was the senior lecturer for addiction counsellors at the University of the West of Scotland. He has led prominent studies into alcohol addiction for more than 15 years. Before this, for many years, John had an addiction to alcohol. He has been sober for over 40 years.Lou Lewis is a professional counsellor and the co-founder of Bottled Up with John. Lou's first husband had an addiction to alcohol for many years, from that experience and her counselling Lou has a deep understanding of the difficulties of living with problem drinkers.John and Lou are married and live in England. They founded Bottled Up in the hope that it would help change your life.The Bottled Up program is innovative and advocates that the partners of alcoholics can introduce changes to their lives, which will empower them and influence their drinkers to change. If you live with an alcoholic partner, or are looking for help to quit drinking, then Bottled Up is for you.For more help and advice visit www.bottled-up.comFor advertising and sponsorship opportunities email info@snapper-films.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You may know that John was an alcoholic for many years. It has had a profound effect on his life. Now sober for more than 40 years John has written his autobiography "No Cloistered Life". It's a remarkable story, funny, moving, insightful and hugely inspiring, going from "drunk to a doctor" in a decade.No Cloistered Life is a memoir charting a course through addiction, recovery, and a search for meaning, against a backdrop of an aborted foray into priesthood, hippiedom, failed marriages, and a return to academia, a new found faith, and marriage.You can buy John's story here": https://www.amazon.co.uk/No-Cloistered-Life-John-McMahon/dp/1897913990/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HOO61MWAQJNQ&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.m_PDTPlItSR70ndooUbxJ1svpkHbcmA0xnTbbsMTEks.EAAB3SpSH4Q9Co1micaOy2Hlzh9xeYfPtf7agL5m4oE&dib_tag=se&keywords=no+cloistered+life&qid=1769092410&sprefix=no+cloistered+life%2Caps%2C100&sr=8-1Please be very clear that, at Bottled Up we strongly advise people not to remain in violent or abusive relationships. We understand fully that in many cases circumstances can become untenable. We discuss this fully in our Podcast "Should I Stay or Should I Go".For more information on the service Bottled Up provides, visit: www.bottled-up.comDr John McMahon is a professor and was the senior lecturer for addiction counsellors at the University of the West of Scotland. He has led prominent studies into alcohol addiction for more than 15 years. Before this, for many years, John had an addiction to alcohol. He has been sober for over 40 years.Lou Lewis is a professional counsellor and the co-founder of Bottled Up with John. Lou's first husband had an addiction to alcohol for many years, from that experience and her counselling Lou has a deep understanding of the difficulties of living with problem drinkers.John and Lou are married and live in England. They founded Bottled Up in the hope that it would help change your life.The Bottled Up program is innovative and advocates that the partners of alcoholics can introduce changes to their lives, which will empower them and influence their drinkers to change. If you live with an alcoholic partner, or are looking for help to quit drinking, then Bottled Up is for you.For more help and advice visit www.bottled-up.comFor advertising and sponsorship opportunities email info@snapper-films.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode John and Lou look at recovery from the point of view of the drinker. It's an important listen for drinkers and family and friends. They consider the difficulties, the treatment and help available, the importance of maintaining recovery and keeping going when times are tough or when there is a relapse.Start by stopping. That's what drinkers need to do to commence their recovery. It sounds simple in practice, but it is difficult. There may be many fault starts and difficulties along the way, but recovery from problem drinking is of course possible and thousands of people achieve this every year.Please be very clear that, at Bottled Up we strongly advise people not to remain in violent or abusive relationships. We understand fully that in many cases circumstances can become untenable. We discuss this fully in our Podcast "Should I Stay or Should I Go".Whether you're a person struggling with an alcoholic in your life, or a person struggling with alcohol, Bottled Up can help. For more advice, guidance, and 1 to 1 counselling and information on the services Bottled Up provides, visit: www.bottled-up.comDr John McMahon is a professor and was the senior lecturer for addiction counsellors at the University of the West of Scotland. He has led prominent studies into alcohol addiction for more than 15 years. Before this, for many years, John had an addiction to alcohol. He has been sober for over 40 years.Lou Lewis is a professional counsellor and the co-founder of Bottled Up with John. Lou's first husband had an addiction to alcohol for many years, from that experience and her counselling Lou has a deep understanding of the difficulties of living with problem drinkers.John and Lou are married and live in England. They founded Bottled Up in the hope that it would help change your life.The Bottled Up program is innovative and advocates that the partners of alcoholics can introduce changes to their lives, which will empower them and influence their drinkers to change. If you live with an alcoholic partner, or are looking for help to quit drinking, then Bottled Up is for you.For more help and advice visit www.bottled-up.comFor advertising and sponsorship opportunities email info@snapper-films.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Christmas is usually very difficult when you're having to deal with a drinker. The drinking may increase, the aggravation and stress may reach new levels, and when everybody is in a party mood, you might just want to hide away. In this episode Lou and John guide you through ways to help you cope with Christmas.Magical thinking or realistic expectations (manage your expectations!).It's alright to be ambivalent about the festive season!Negotiate on certain points.If you've had enough of a party, leave.Set boundaries.Create buffers.Find some peace.Look after you.Whether you're a person struggling with an alcoholic in your life, or a person struggling with alcohol, Bottled Up can help. For more advice, guidance, and 1 to 1 counselling and information on the services Bottled Up provides, visit: www.bottled-up.comPlease be very clear that, at Bottled Up we strongly advise people not to remain in violent or abusive relationships. We understand fully that in many cases circumstances can become untenable. We discuss this fully in our Podcast "Should I Stay or Should I Go".Dr John McMahon is a professor and was the senior lecturer for addiction counsellors at the University of the West of Scotland. He has led prominent studies into alcohol addiction for more than 15 years. Before this, for many years, John had an addiction to alcohol. He has been sober for over 40 years.Lou Lewis is a professional counsellor and the co-founder of Bottled Up with John. Lou's first husband had an addiction to alcohol for many years, from that experience and her counselling Lou has a deep understanding of the difficulties of living with problem drinkers.John and Lou are married and live in England. They founded Bottled Up in the hope that it would help change your life.The Bottled Up program is innovative and advocates that the partners of alcoholics can introduce changes to their lives, which will empower them and influence their drinkers to change. If you live with an alcoholic partner, or are looking for help to quit drinking, then Bottled Up is for you.For more help and advice visit www.bottled-up.comFor advertising and sponsorship opportunities email info@snapper-films.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

People need motivation to stop drinking. But what motivates one person to quit alcohol, may not motivate another person. In this episode John and Lou discuss what motivates change, where you or your partner can find motivation to change and how to sustain the change which leads you to life without alcohol. With John's professional research, personal and professional anecdotes and observations, and a structured approach to change, this episode is essential for problem drinkers and those who have to deal with a problem drinker in understanding how to break the cycle of addiction.Whether you're a person struggling with an alcoholic in your life, or a person struggling with alcohol Bottled Up can help. For more advice, guidance, and 1 to 1 counselling and information on the services Bottled Up provides, visit: www.bottled-up.comPlease be very clear that, at Bottled Up we strongly advise people not to remain in violent or abusive relationships. We understand fully that in many cases circumstances can become untenable. We discuss this fully in our Podcast "Should I Stay or Should I Go".Dr John McMahon is a professor and was the senior lecturer for addiction counsellors at the University of the West of Scotland. He has led prominent studies into alcohol addiction for more than 15 years. Before this, for many years, John had an addiction to alcohol. He has been sober for over 40 years.Lou Lewis is a professional counsellor and the co-founder of Bottled Up with John. Lou's first husband had an addiction to alcohol for many years, from that experience and her counselling Lou has a deep understanding of the difficulties of living with problem drinkers.John and Lou are married and live in England. They founded Bottled Up in the hope that it would help change your life.The Bottled Up program is innovative and advocates that the partners of alcoholics can introduce changes to their lives, which will empower them and influence their drinkers to change. If you live with an alcoholic partner, or are looking for help to quit drinking, then Bottled Up is for you.For more help and advice visit www.bottled-up.comFor advertising and sponsorship opportunities email info@snapper-films.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.