Brain First Parenting with Eileen Devine

SUMMARY - Today's episode is Part 2 of a 2-part conversation with Guy Stephens, founder and executive director of the Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint (AASR), a national nonprofit dedicated to ending the use of punitive, exclusionary, and dangerous discipline in schools. Takeaways: AASR's work is guided by 5 principles: trauma-informed, neuroscience-aligned, neurodiversity-affirming, collaborative, and relationship-drivenImplementing these principles into the culture of an organization and the work of the individual professional is not a "one-and-done" event. It requires on-going commitment and work. When behavior is assessed using these five principles, it is then possible to see beyond the surface behavior, through a brain and nervous system informed lens.When the root cause of behavior is accurately identified, there are other, more compassionate and effective approaches that emerge in how to support the individual who is struggling behaviorally.RESOURCES:Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint (AASR)YouTube: Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest

SUMMARY - In Part 2 of this series on supporting siblings, we shift from awareness to action. Building on the themes discussed in Part 1, this episode offers practical, brain-first strategies parents can use to support siblings who are impacted by challenging behaviors at home. From conversations about how brains work differently to creating safety plans and strengthening protective factors, this episode focuses on what you can do to help siblings feel safe, seen, and supported.TAKEAWAYS:Begin ongoing, age-appropriate conversations about how brains work differently to help siblings make sense of behavior without excusing harm.Clarify that “fair doesn’t mean equal". Fairness is about meeting each child’s unique brain and nervous system needs.Explain the "why" behind different rules, responses, or accommodations to create predictability and security.Build protective factors for siblings, including consistent one-on-one time with a regulated parent or other trusted adult.Create clear safety plans so siblings know exactly what to do during escalations and do not feel responsible for managing the situation.Provide open space for siblings to express the full range of their emotions without minimizing or shaming them.Avoid creating a culture of secrecy, meaning help siblings develop language and a plan for how to talk about their family experience with others.Prioritize your own resilience and nervous system care, as your regulation is one of the most powerful supports for everyone in the home.RESOURCES:Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 19: Building Resilience in Moments a DayConcrete, manageable ways to strengthen your own nervous system and resilience over time.Blog Post on “Circling Back”Explanation of the circling back process and why addressing behaviors outside of escalated moments supports learning and safety.=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest

SUMMARY - Many parenting struggles with neurodivergent kids don’t come down to behavior, they come from a clash between deeply held parental values and a child’s brain-based capacities. In this episode, Eileen explores what happens when beliefs about “good parenting” collide with asynchronous development, emotional regulation challenges, and inconsistent cognitive skills. You’ll learn why pushing harder often backfires and how shifting from a behavior lens to a Brain First lens allows your parental values to actually take root.TAKEAWAYS:Parenting frustration often lives at the intersection of adult values and a child’s neurobiology, not a lack of effort or care.Chronological age does not equal ability for kids with brain-based differences; uneven skill development changes what’s reasonable to expect.You don’t need to abandon your parental values, you need to adjust how you teach them so they align with your child’s cognitive skills.You cannot consequence a skill into existence; responsibility develops through repeated teaching, regulation, and scaffolding.Flexibility in rules and expectations is not permissive parenting, it’s responsive parenting that reduces power struggles and supports growth.RESOURCES:Your Lens Matters – Free downloadable infographic=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest

SUMMARY - In this episode of the Brain First Parenting podcast, Eileen explores the idea - which is grounded in research - that caregiver burnout can become contagious through shared nervous system dysregulation. Drawing on a recent keynote experience with those in professional and personal caregiver roles, she describes how caregiver burnout often builds gradually, frequently goes unrecognized, and how the right kind of support can act as a buffer from the stress.TAKEAWAYS:Caregiver burnout is not a personal failure. It is a nervous system response to prolonged stress and responsibility.Burnout can have a contagion effect, spreading socially, emotionally, and physiologically within families, communities, and care teams.Many caregivers are deeply burned out without realizing it, often experiencing anxiety, depression, irritability, and physical symptoms.Living with or caring for someone with a fragile nervous system can dysregulate the caregiver’s own nervous system over time.Connection and co-regulation are essential resilience-building tools that help heal and stabilize the nervous system.Support matters—but how and where you receive support matters just as much.Communities that focus only on how hard things are can increase burnout; healing support helps move caregivers toward relief, regulation, and hope.RESOURCES:Resilience Room Membership Community is a supportive space for caregivers focused on nervous system healing, co-regulation, and resilience building. Join the waitlist so you can be notified when we open our doors for new Members!=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest

SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen discussed a topic that is at the center of stress for many parents of kids with neurobehavioral conditions which is their extended family's inability to understand their child from a Brain First lens. Eileen offers some suggestions on ways to manage this specific, often tricky dynamic.TAKEAWAYS:It is a common experience amongst parents of kids with neurobehavioral conditions to experience feelings of judgement, shame, and being misunderstood when it comes to their extended family members' inability to see their child through a Brain First lens.Often times, family members are missing information that is needed in order to shift their lens.There are resources and strategies Eileen suggests in this episode to help bridge this gap (resources are also listed below).There are common internal beliefs that parents hold that prevent them from asking for the accommodations their child needs. Reflecting on what "stuck points" you experience when asking family members to accommodate your child is essential so you can confidently move forward with what your child needs.RESOURCES:(Blog Post) Dear Family Member: A Letter I Hope You Read(Free Downloadable Infographic) Your Lens Matters: Shifting to a Brain First LensEpisode 6: Your Child is Not the ProblemEpisode 22: The Unique Grief Affecting Parents of Neurodivergent Kids=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest

SUMMARY - This episode is part 2 of a two-part series on each person's unique window of tolerance. This episode focuses on the parent's window of tolerance, an essential concept for parents of kids with neurobehavioral conditions.TAKEAWAYS:It is essential for parents of complex kids with fragile nervous systems and big behaviors to understand their own window of tolerance.It is a common pattern for parents of kids with neurobehavioral conditions to notice their window of tolerance narrowing over time.When a person is exposed to chronic, unpredictable, and prolonged stress, it impacts their neurobiology, specifically their nervous system.The nervous system becomes more fragile over time, the window of tolerance narrows, and it is easy to be thrown into dysregulationThe best use of a parent's energy is to support their fragile nervous system by using their own regulated presence. This requires a strong and steady nervous system.The path to expanding your window of tolerance is taking steps to build resilience each day.RESOURCES:Episode 28: When the World Feels Too Big: Your Child’s Window of ToleranceEpisode 19: Rethinking What It Means to Be ResilientBlog: Understanding the Window of Tolerance - Pt. 2Book Recommendation: "What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing" by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest

SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen speaks with Dr. Emily King, a psychologist with extensive experience working in schools and supporting neurodivergent youth about how parents can support their neurodivergent learners.TAKEAWAYS: Neuro-affirming environments are environments that are aligned with each person's nervous system. There are some key ways that adults/teachers can set up environments to support regulation in kids/students and "level the playing field" amongst students.Communication with teachers should happen early and often. Collaboration is most effective when the parent and teacher share what they are seeing behaviorally from the child in each of their unique settings and brainstorm accommodations based on this shared knowledge.Recognizing cognitive fatigue as a major factor in the child's behavior is essential to their success.Any asynchronicity in a child's skills is often misinterpreted as willful behavior instead of differences across skill sets.RESOURCES:Learn with Dr. Emily=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest

SUMMARY - This episode is with guest Wendy Sue Horn, a master clinician, who has been treating individuals of all ages for over 20 years, including supporting parents. Wendy Sue is also an EMDRIA-approved consultant trainer in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), a trauma-informed psychotherapy that helps individuals heal from the symptoms and emotional distress of disturbing life experiences. Listen in as Eileen talks with Wendy Sue about what she describes as the three essential ingredients parents need in order to attune to their child.TAKEAWAYS:We don't come into parenthood as blank slates and our history follows us into our own parenting and relationship with our kids. Once we understand how and why this happens, it helps us (parents) make sense of our experience with a non-shaming lens.Attunement is the parent's ability to "tune in" to their child's internal, emotional experience.The parental goal is not to prevent pain for their child because this is not possible, but instead is to provide accompaniment in their pain because this is when it is less lonely, there is less suffering, and the child's resilience can shine through.There are three ingredients required for parents to attune to their child: motivation, awareness, and resources.The parent's ability to recognizing when fear is the motivation behind their behavior is essential because fear, by nature, moves the attention away from their child's experience, leaving them unable to attune to them.A parent's history of attachment and adverse experiences "show up" in the relationship with their child, which can impact the internal resources a parent has access to and may require supports to build the internal resources and resilience.Ways that EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can support parents who have kids with challenging behavioral symptoms.RESOURCES:Wendy Sue Horn - EMDR Resource Center=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest

SUMMARY - This episode focuses in on five mantras that will help parents of kids with brain-based differences and challenging behaviors stay in a Brain First mindset.TAKEAWAYS:One point of "growing pains" parents of kids with neurobehavioral challenges experience is how to react in productive ways, from a Brain First lens, when they are faced with their child's challenging behaviors.When we have mantras "in our back pocket" that resonate with us in a way that helps slow down our visceral reaction so we can decide how to respond in that moment, it helps us access our thinking brain so we can respond in ways we truly desire.The infographic linked below as 15 mantras for parents to "try on" to see which one resonates! Download at the link below.RESOURCES:Free Infographic: Helpful Mantras For Staying in a Brain First Parenting Mindset=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest

SUMMARY - Kids who have brains that work differently, have brains that are working hard all day long, resulting in cognitive fatigue or this empty fuel tank. Their cognitive fatigue is reflected through challenging behaviors. This episode helps listeners identify cognitive fatigue in kids with brain-based differences and what the adults supporting them can do to help their brain rest and recover, resulting in less challenging behaviors.TAKEAWAYS:Every task or expectation we are faced with each day takes a bit of our "cognitive fuel" in order to make it through the day successfully.Individuals with brains that work differently end up on "empty" more quickly and more often, resulting in challenging behavioral symptoms.Brains that are working harder (which are brains that work differently) need more support throughout the day in the way of fuel (food/calories) and rest.There are some common scenarios that result in cognitive fatigue more frequently than others.There are some common accommodations that, when put in place proactively, can help preserve a child's "cognitive fuel" and prevent challenging behaviors.RESOURCES:FREE "Running on Empty" Infographic (for download)Blog post: Running on Empty: Understanding your child's cognitive fuel tankThe Resilience Room Community=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest

SUMMARY - This podcast dives into what resilience is and why it's essential for parents of kids with challenging behavioral symptoms to not only understand what it is, but steps they can take to build it each day.TAKEAWAYS:It is imperative as parents of complex kids with intense needs that you understand what it is and how to build it each day.Resilience is what allows us to move through difficult emotions like grief, sadness, and resentment.Resilience is something we all have access to, something we can cultivate within us each day."Grit" or "soldiering on" chips away at resilience over timeHonoring your response to the situation at hand and offering yourself self-compassion builds resilienceGetting support, one-to-one or through community is essential for building resilience, especially when experiencing compassion fatigue and caregiver burnout.Ways to build resilience: find your "people" (be in community), practice self-compassion, move your body, breath workRESOURCES:The Resilience Room Membership CommunityFREE (downloadable) Weekly Plan for Nervous System CareReconsidering What It Means to Be Resilient (blog post)Kristin Neff: Self-compassion resources=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest

SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen dives into how to unlock your child's ability to learn and grow. This is a high priority for any parent, and when there is evidence that it's going as expected, there is no stress or concern. But when you have a child or teen who is not learning, growing, and maturing in the ways you expected, it can become a huge area of concern and strain. This episode breaks down how all of us learn and grow and how to then take this information and apply it to your child who lives with a brain-based difference.TAKEAWAYS:The first essential question for parents to clarify for themselves is, "What do I actually want my child to learn, and what skills are required to be able to do this?"When we recognize the gap between a child or teen's cognitive skills and the goals set for them, then we know where we can support that child or teen to help close that gap.When we default to a behavioral lens and focus entirely on the behavior and what punishment it deserves, the growth, learning, and maturing cannot take place.A lack of accommodations to assist with the growth and learning process will signal "threat" to the nervous system, resulting in overwhelm, and this will be reflected through challenging behaviors. It will also cause the "thinking brain" to be off-line, making learning impossible.There are accommodations that promote growth and learning, with examples provided in this episode.RESOURCES:Ep 9: Let Go of the Fear That You Are Over-AccommodatingEp 5: Making Sense of On and Off Days=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest