Brain First Parenting with Eileen Devine

SUMMARY - Some kids can appear incredibly capable in many areas of their lives while still experiencing significant lagging cognitive skills that are largely invisible to those around them. In this episode, we explore why these kids are especially vulnerable to being misunderstood through a behavioral lens and why recognizing their asynchronous development is essential to understanding the support and accommodations they truly need.TAKEAWAYS:Why kids whose brain-based differences are less visible can be especially vulnerable to being misunderstood and punished for their disability rather than accommodated.How a child’s strengths and capabilities in one area can lead us to overestimate their abilities in other areas.Why asynchronous development is such an important part of understanding kids with brain-based differences.How lagging executive functioning skills can look like defiance, lack of motivation, or a refusal to try—even when accommodations are already in place.Why a child who has age-expected speech and language can sound like they understand a situation while still struggling significantly to understand context, nuance, and what’s happening around them.How lagging relational cognitive skills can lead kids to be labeled as selfish, “too much,” or self-sabotaging in their relationships.Why understanding your child’s neurobiological profile can help you advocate with greater confidence for the support and accommodations they need.RESOURCES:Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 15 — A deeper discussion of kids who can “talk the talk” but struggle to “walk the walk,” including the gap between how capable they sound and what they actually understand.Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 40 — An episode focused on relational cognitive skills and how lagging skills in this area affect a child’s ability to navigate relationships and social interactions.=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest

SUMMARY - When your child appears unmotivated, it's easy to assume they don't care or simply aren't trying. But motivation is a brain-based process that depends on a number of cognitive skills and nervous system capacities that may still be developing. In this episode, I explain why motivation is often misunderstood in children with brain-based differences and how viewing it through a Brain First lens can transform the way you support your child.TAKEAWAYS:Why motivation is a brain-based process, not simply a matter of willpower or attitude.How challenges with regulation and stress recovery can make motivation difficult to access.Why cognitive processing, mental stamina, and executive functioning all play a critical role in motivation.How task initiation, especially for non-preferred activities, is often misunderstood as laziness or defiance.Why children may genuinely want something but still struggle to take the steps needed to achieve it.How a fragile nervous system and a narrow window of tolerance contribute to shutdown, avoidance, and withdrawal.Why rewards, consequences, threats, and shame often fail to increase motivation in children with brain-based differences.How understanding the cognitive skills behind motivation can reduce frustration, strengthen connection, and guide more effective support.RESOURCES:Related Episodes: This episode connects with many earlier episodes that explore individual cognitive skills in greater depth. If this topic resonates with you, Episodes 5 and 28 are excellent places to continue learning.=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest

SUMMARY - In this episode of the Brain First Parenting podcast, Eileen explores the idea - which is grounded in research - that caregiver burnout can become contagious through shared nervous system dysregulation. Drawing on a recent keynote experience with those in professional and personal caregiver roles, she describes how caregiver burnout often builds gradually, frequently goes unrecognized, and how the right kind of support can act as a buffer from the stress.TAKEAWAYS:Caregiver burnout is not a personal failure. It is a nervous system response to prolonged stress and responsibility.Burnout can have a contagion effect, spreading socially, emotionally, and physiologically within families, communities, and care teams.Many caregivers are deeply burned out without realizing it, often experiencing anxiety, depression, irritability, and physical symptoms.Living with or caring for someone with a fragile nervous system can dysregulate the caregiver’s own nervous system over time.Connection and co-regulation are essential resilience-building tools that help heal and stabilize the nervous system.Support matters—but how and where you receive support matters just as much.Communities that focus only on how hard things are can increase burnout; healing support helps move caregivers toward relief, regulation, and hope.RESOURCES:Resilience Room Membership Community is a supportive space for caregivers focused on nervous system healing, co-regulation, and resilience building. Join the waitlist so you can be notified when we open our doors for new Members!=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest

SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen discussed a topic that is at the center of stress for many parents of kids with neurobehavioral conditions which is their extended family's inability to understand their child from a Brain First lens. Eileen offers some suggestions on ways to manage this specific, often tricky dynamic.TAKEAWAYS:It is a common experience amongst parents of kids with neurobehavioral conditions to experience feelings of judgement, shame, and being misunderstood when it comes to their extended family members' inability to see their child through a Brain First lens.Often times, family members are missing information that is needed in order to shift their lens.There are resources and strategies Eileen suggests in this episode to help bridge this gap (resources are also listed below).There are common internal beliefs that parents hold that prevent them from asking for the accommodations their child needs. Reflecting on what "stuck points" you experience when asking family members to accommodate your child is essential so you can confidently move forward with what your child needs.RESOURCES:(Blog Post) Dear Family Member: A Letter I Hope You Read(Free Downloadable Infographic) Your Lens Matters: Shifting to a Brain First LensEpisode 6: Your Child is Not the ProblemEpisode 22: The Unique Grief Affecting Parents of Neurodivergent Kids=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest

SUMMARY - This episode is part 2 of a two-part series on each person's unique window of tolerance. This episode focuses on the parent's window of tolerance, an essential concept for parents of kids with neurobehavioral conditions.TAKEAWAYS:It is essential for parents of complex kids with fragile nervous systems and big behaviors to understand their own window of tolerance.It is a common pattern for parents of kids with neurobehavioral conditions to notice their window of tolerance narrowing over time.When a person is exposed to chronic, unpredictable, and prolonged stress, it impacts their neurobiology, specifically their nervous system.The nervous system becomes more fragile over time, the window of tolerance narrows, and it is easy to be thrown into dysregulationThe best use of a parent's energy is to support their fragile nervous system by using their own regulated presence. This requires a strong and steady nervous system.The path to expanding your window of tolerance is taking steps to build resilience each day.RESOURCES:Episode 28: When the World Feels Too Big: Your Child’s Window of ToleranceEpisode 19: Rethinking What It Means to Be ResilientBlog: Understanding the Window of Tolerance - Pt. 2Book Recommendation: "What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing" by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest

SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen speaks with Dr. Emily King, a psychologist with extensive experience working in schools and supporting neurodivergent youth about how parents can support their neurodivergent learners.TAKEAWAYS: Neuro-affirming environments are environments that are aligned with each person's nervous system. There are some key ways that adults/teachers can set up environments to support regulation in kids/students and "level the playing field" amongst students.Communication with teachers should happen early and often. Collaboration is most effective when the parent and teacher share what they are seeing behaviorally from the child in each of their unique settings and brainstorm accommodations based on this shared knowledge.Recognizing cognitive fatigue as a major factor in the child's behavior is essential to their success.Any asynchronicity in a child's skills is often misinterpreted as willful behavior instead of differences across skill sets.RESOURCES:Learn with Dr. Emily=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest

SUMMARY - This episode is with guest Wendy Sue Horn, a master clinician, who has been treating individuals of all ages for over 20 years, including supporting parents. Wendy Sue is also an EMDRIA-approved consultant trainer in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), a trauma-informed psychotherapy that helps individuals heal from the symptoms and emotional distress of disturbing life experiences. Listen in as Eileen talks with Wendy Sue about what she describes as the three essential ingredients parents need in order to attune to their child.TAKEAWAYS:We don't come into parenthood as blank slates and our history follows us into our own parenting and relationship with our kids. Once we understand how and why this happens, it helps us (parents) make sense of our experience with a non-shaming lens.Attunement is the parent's ability to "tune in" to their child's internal, emotional experience.The parental goal is not to prevent pain for their child because this is not possible, but instead is to provide accompaniment in their pain because this is when it is less lonely, there is less suffering, and the child's resilience can shine through.There are three ingredients required for parents to attune to their child: motivation, awareness, and resources.The parent's ability to recognizing when fear is the motivation behind their behavior is essential because fear, by nature, moves the attention away from their child's experience, leaving them unable to attune to them.A parent's history of attachment and adverse experiences "show up" in the relationship with their child, which can impact the internal resources a parent has access to and may require supports to build the internal resources and resilience.Ways that EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can support parents who have kids with challenging behavioral symptoms.RESOURCES:Wendy Sue Horn - EMDR Resource Center=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest