Needy, Checked Out, or Defensive? Rethinking Behavior at Work

About this episode

The episode discusses how self-protection behaviors manifest in the workplace and the importance of psychological safety.

When the stakes are high and expectations are muddy, even the most competent humans can slip into self‑protection mode at work. Deadlines, performance reviews, politics, and power dynamics can echo earlier experiences of exclusion or danger, so our nervous systems do what they were wired to do: defend. In this conversation, our gals break down how that shows up on teams—and what to do about it. The six threat responses at work: •Fight: The combative colleague who argues every point, dominates meetings, or treats every disagreement like a win‑lose battle. •Flight: The smart person who goes quiet, avoids conflict, or turns down opportunities because speaking up feels risky. •Freeze: The “I don’t know” response, analysis paralysis, and stalled decisions that show up when people are terrified of being judged or getting it wrong. •Please/appease: The chronic yes‑sayer who overworks, agrees with everything the boss says, and buries their own dissent to stay liked. This can look like commitment and “great attitude,” but often signals people who do not feel safe being real. •Attach/cry for help: The “needy” teammate who constantly checks in, escalates, or dramatizes issues to get…

People in this episode

Hosts: Crina Hoyer, Kirsten Barron

Topics covered

• work behavior
• psychological safety
• team dynamics
• self-protection
• threat responses

Keywords

• self-protection
• workplace behavior
• psychological safety
• team dynamics
• threat responses

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