‘We’re Housemates Who Share a Bed’ — How Can Emotionally Focused Therapy Help You?

‘We’re Housemates Who Share a Bed’ — How Can Emotionally Focused Therapy Help You?

From Dam Parenting by Dam Parenting Podcast

June 3, 2026 · 19 min · Season 2

About this episode

The episode discusses how Emotionally Focused Therapy can help couples reconnect and address intimacy issues.

‘We used to be so passionate. Now we’re housemates who just happen to share a bed. I’m scared we’ve lost something we can’t get back.’ IIn this episode, sex and intimacy counsellor Debby Poort answers it. This month on DAM SEX, Eva and Debby go into Emotionally Focused Therapy — the attachment-based model that reframes ‘we have a sex problem’ as ‘we have a connection problem.’ They talk about the pursue–withdraw cycle, what it looks like in real couples, and why both people in the cycle are doing the exact same thing: trying to get their needs met. Plus: the A.R.E. framework (Accessible, Responsive, Engaged), what emotional safety actually feels like in the body, and why couples wait an average of seven years before getting help. The cycle is the problem. Not the couple. Debby Poort — Sex & Intimacy Counsellor Yellowwood | Amsterdam & Amstelveen Website: www.yellowwood.nl DAM SEX is monthly. Every episode builds. Dam Parenting — every Wednesday.

People in this episode

Host: Eva

Guest: Debby Poort

Topics covered

  • Emotionally Focused Therapy
  • attachment-based model
  • couples therapy
  • intimacy
  • emotional safety

Keywords

  • Emotionally Focused Therapy
  • couples therapy
  • intimacy
  • connection problem
  • A.R.E. framework

Mentioned in this episode

Organizations: Yellowwood

Places: Amsterdam, Amstelveen

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