Don’t Scare the Newbies!

This week’s guests are Duncan, one of the founders of Newcastle Leathermen, and Tea, a bootblack and Newcastle Leathermen’s first nonbinary member. Plus Tea’s partner popping in with an occasional comment! O/our guests share the power of community, culture differences between Leather communities and the Fetlife-based kink scene, visibility and how Newcastle Leathermen navigate venues and social media, bootblacking and why this role is so valued, and an overview of Leather history and its impact. Find out more about Newcastle Leathermen at https://www.newcastleleathermen.com/Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials and O/our merch at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies

Adult babies Jen and Tealeaves sat down with kirizal and S this week to share their experiences - through all the noise of stigma and misconceptions, they share the authenticity and joy of little space, kink as a core part of identity, the intimacy of vulnerability, and lots more. Plus - censorship and recent legal challenges, a fascinating diversion into inducing lactation, and Jen's plans to make an ABDL romcom (W/we are already so sat - someone please, fund it!).Content Note: Detailed discussion of diaper wearing and use, kinkshaming and stigma, and some conversation about misogyny and transphobia as elements of kink play.Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials and O/our merch at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesAnd visit @Tealeaves_ on Fetlife, and @Jenby_Doll on Fetlife and X Videos

After the S-heavy long distance episode, W/we thought it was kirizal's turn to have the spotlight and dive into one of their specialist topics - addiction and recovery. kirizal spent most of their 20s battling mental health issues which spiralled into drug dependency and a crisis that almost cost them their life. In this episode W/we talk about that journey through into recovery, unmasking the darker side of 12 step programs, and kirizal's post-recovery life and the shift to a recovery-capital based moderation approach. But what does that have to do with kink? W/we talk about pleasure-seeking as a coping mechanism, neurodiversity crossovers, self-medicating of shame, and the complex relationship people can have with control and surrender. Plus, at the centre of it all connection - the healing power of community.Content Note: This is an emotional one - detailed discussion of drug use including intravenous drug use, overdose, suicide attempt, suicide, pet death, transphobia, shame, "13th stepping" sexual abuse, domestic violence and sexual assault within 12 step groups. Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies

Once again kirizal and S are watching a movie, and James Spader is playing a pervert (with hair)! This week W/we're discussing the 1996 movie Crash - but if you haven't seen it, come on in, the plot is light and the episode gets deep! W/we're here for the controversy and censorship that surrounded Crash on release, the intersection between sex, technology, and urban isolation, and asking the question does representation matter when fetishism is portrayed so far outside reality? Plus - what is non-diagetic kink, what can Crash tell U/us about how the eroticisation of a universal threat works, and a look at intensity as a kink in itself. Content Note: This episode contains - as you might expect - discussion of car crashes, including injuries and fatalities. W/we also discuss consensual non-consent play including simulated sexual assault, fantasies about sexual assault, and misogyny. Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies

BDSM model and author Ariel Anderssen (who is also kirizal's sister!) - joins U/us on the podcast this week. She shares her story of overcoming shame from a Jehovah's Witness upbringing and healing from abuse, discovering kink in the time before Fetlife, and stories from her long and impressive career. Plus - feminism and kink, kink community outside the munch and play event scene, and the impact of increasing censorship on the adult industry.Content Note: Discussion of religious shame and the impact of child abuseAriel's new book, Dirty, is coming in early June. It's now fully funded, and you can find more information here: https://www.arielanderssenauthor.com/dirtyFollow Ariel on Substack: https://arielanderssen.substack.com/Follow Ariel on X (NSFW Images): https://x.com/ArielAnderssen Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies

This week, Lydia - founder of luxury bondage brand Kilter - joins kirizal and S to put the Business Development, Sales, and Marketing into BDSM. W/we chat about the challenges of promoting adult businesses on social media, the realities of starting a BDSM brand, her dad’s enthusiasm for her business, and life as a kinky lesbian.Find more of Lydia at: https://bykilter.com/https://www.subtlebond.com/https://www.instagram.com/lydiacoulter_https://www.tiktok.com/@lydiacoulter__Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies

Enthusiastic findom newbies kirizal and S dive into the controversial subject of playing with money. W/we chat about the politics of playing with the power of capitalism, the taboo of talking about money in relationships, and why financial domination carries so much stigma and shame. Plus - ethics and safety, the symbolism and meaning behind giving and receiving money, and how findom works for U/us in the context of an ongoing and intimate relationship.Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesLAST CHANCE - Voting closes 2nd April, so if you haven’t please vote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

This week, Bunny and L join kirizal and S for a chat about the sillier and more lighthearted side of kink - WAM (wet and messy) and looner (balloon) kinks! Bunny is an adult content creator and takes U/us through their adventures of discovering new desires through performance, experiences of running specialist kink events, and what the draw is of these desires. L - one of their partners - shares their experiences of being along for the ride and the kinks they acquire along the way. Clown energy and giggles on the podcast this week - with, as always, some filth and diversions.Find more of Bunny at https://allmylinks.com/ukchubbybunnyFollow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

On this episode, Mark joins kirizal and S to talk about sharps play - needles, blades and scalpels. W/we chat about finding the resources to learn these types of skills, vetting and negotiating for play, the appeal of blood and scars, and managing risk. Plus lots more!Content Note: Detailed discussion of sharps play including blood and scarring, brief mention of self harm. Conversations around degradation and humiliation kinks including brief mentions of vomit and scat, and more detailed discussion of play involving very dirty feet and socks.Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

Location tracking, surveillance cameras, and an open door policy - as often happens, kirizal’s dream life sounds like many people’s worst nightmare. On this episode, S and kirizal chat about the ways that W/we erode privacy and dignity in a fun, consensual way. Also - the age old debate about the construction of a proper cream tea, kirizal’s many open tabs, and pooping with the door open.Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

Who would wanna get stung by nettles on purpose? Probably surprising to no one that the answer is kirizal, with S more than happy to deliver. So as W/we look forward to nettle season just around the corner, kirizal and S break down the process and techniques involved in nettle play, just a touch of science, and lots of footling about. Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

In this episode W/we answer popular Tiktok search “is kirizal a boy or a girl”, S and kirizal compare gender “journeys”, and chat about how gender identity, roles, oppression, and expression influence kink. Plus - how inclusive is the kink community? Is kink better when it’s self aware and subversive? And is it a feminist act to be horny?Content Note: Discussion of misogyny and transphobiaFollow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

kirizal’s ex, Hope (previously known as Alexea), joins U/us this episode to talk about navigating breakups in power exchange relationships. How do people disentangle their lives when they have created such an interdependent structure? How do submissives decondition from rules that have become reflex? And how can kinky couples exit plan for a softer landing while still riding the optimism of the honeymoon period? Plus - staying friends with exes, kitchen chaos, and we address the “missing chapter” from kirizal’s content - That big breakup.Content Note: Discussion of abuse within D/s, and attempted suicide (brief, no details).Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45