Dying to Tell You

As we get ready to start Season 4 of Dying To Tell You (can you believe it?), we wanted to share with you the first episode of each preceding season, starting with the man who started it all—Aaron. If you're not familiar with Aaron's story, we were connected with him before the pandemic as a possible first guest for this show. And of course, we had to put everything on hold while the planet shut down. But then we reconnected with Aaron, invited him over to Chris's house and, balancing microphones on tables on tubs, we recorded this interview. We are eternally grateful for the gift Aaron gave us that day, which was himself.

In our last reflection of the season, Cody looks back on his conversation with Clara as well as the entire congregation of guests we were honored to talk with over the past year. Clara's statement that cancer takes and takes and takes but it also gives inspired this meditation on flexibility, multiple truths, and staying open to whatever comes our way. Thank you for listening to the stories of our guests this season. We are moved by this privilege to share these inspiring voices and we can't wait to share more next season. Until then, do what needs to be done, say what needs to be said, and live your life with intention and purpose. This is Dying to Tell You.

Amanda returns to the podcast with a callback update after her 20-month scan revealed a tiny recurrence. Her second craniotomy was scheduled for 2/3/2026...yesterday. Cody and Amanda discuss her declining a pre-surgery clinical trial, weighing expensive treatment options abroad, and the emotional and financial challenges of deciding next steps, while leaning on the Glioblastoma (GBM) community for support.

“I kept expecting to die. But I haven’t died yet...there’s still time left and it's navigating how and what space do you live in every day.” At 26, Rachel was living her dream life in Chicago. She’d moved from her small town Texas roots and was young, independent, and thriving in the city. But mysterious symptoms that began in college refused to go away. After being dismissed by doctor after doctor—told it was anxiety, IBS, or nothing at all—Rachel found herself in crisis. Unable to work, she packed a suitcase and flew home to Texas, putting her Chicago life on pause. What followed was a whirlwind of appointments that led to an unexpected discovery: stage 4 metastatic neuroendocrine cancer, a rare “old person’s cancer” that had already spread throughout her body. The diagnosis was devastating but also, strangely, a relief—finally someone believed her. Now 28, Rachel has moved back to Texas permanently for her family’s support, undergone major surgery, and is navigating what it means to live with a slow-growing but incurable cancer that gives her a prognosis of 15 to 20 years. In this episode, Rachael and Cody explore what it means to have a terminal diagnosis that still puts a lot of life ahead of you, how to live a full life with a chronic and fatal condition, even how to navigate dating and finding love (Rachael’s story of how her girlfriend showed up for her on their third date is so…dang…sweet). Rachael also shares practical advice for supporting cancer patients without making them comfort you, discusses her complicated relationship with the evangelical Christianity of her youth, and explains why the zebra is the symbol for this rare disease. It’s all a lovely reminder that you don’t need to be dying to live intentionally, that advocating for yourself matters even when no one believes you, and that there’s always a lot more life to live.

“I kept saying...what is the best possible outcome right now?” Amanda is a 43-year-old ultra endurance athlete who began experiencing strange symptoms in 2024: pressure headaches, déjà vu, vision problems, and eventually bizarre behaviors like eating off an upside-down plate and walking out of her shoe without noticing. After an urgent care doctor dismissed her symptoms as TMJ (lockjaw?!), her leg buckled in her own bedroom, sending her to the emergency room where an MRI revealed the truth: glioblastoma, one of the most aggressive forms of brain cancer. Amanda's journey from diagnosis through an eight-hour awake craniotomy to her current life 16 months post-diagnosis is marked by perseverance and not anger or fear…but love. Drawing on her experience as an ultra endurance athlete—particularly a brutal 36-hour race in Stratton, Vermont, where she trained in relentless rain and mud—Amanda applies the same mindset that got her through the worst physical challenges of her life to this new reality. Today, she jokes in her hardest hours that “ In this episode, Amanda and Cody discuss the immediate acceptance she felt upon diagnosis, the "scanxiety" she experiences every 10 weeks, the heartbreak of losing friends with glioblastoma , and why she chose not to see her cancer as an enemy. Amanda has made it past the 16-month median survival time for glioblastoma and is currently training for the same endurance event she was preparing for when diagnosed, hoping to raise $5,000 for brain cancer research through Stash Strong. (You can help support Amanda at that link!) Amanda's athletic background provides a unique lens for understanding resilience, and her honest discussion of both the joyful and devastating aspects of her journey offers a masterclass in living fully while facing an uncertain future.

“I’m part gargoyle is what I tell people. Because I’m turning to stone. I literally am.” Shutes was living the dream—college basketball national champion, Player of the Year, in the best shape of her life—when strange symptoms started appearing. Numbness in her hands. A sore that wouldn’t heal. She was initially misdiagnosed with lupus before a doctor recognized the signs and finally told her the truth: she has scleroderma, a rare and incurable autoimmune disease. Scleroderma causes the body to produce too much collagen, creating a kind of fibrosis that hardens the body from the inside out. As Shutes says with what you’ll learn is her incredible sense of humor—“I’m part gargoyle!” But of course, beneath that humor is the difficult reality of watching your hands curl into permanent contractures, your jaw dissolve, your lungs stiffen to 56% capacity, and food getting stuck in an esophagus that can no longer move it along. In this deeply honest conversation with Cody, Shutes explains the daily and long-term realities of living with this rare and rarely discussed disease, as well as the isolation that persists even when you have community, the relationships that end because people can’t handle your new reality, the exhaustion of coordinating every basic need, and the choice between living safely or living fully. She also opens up about navigating eating disorder recovery while her disease makes swallowing nearly impossible and feeding tubes loom on the horizon. She talks about losing the athlete’s body she once had, the grief of not being able to play basketball with her son, and the intentional choice she makes every day to go hard, crash, and get back up again. Because for her, it’s the living that’s most important. Consequences be damned...or at least accepted. Follow Shutes on social media @SheShutes This episode is dedicated to Javeeda, who put us in touch with Shutes. Javeeda was a beloved guest of Season 2 and a dear friend of the podcast. She died This episode is dedicated to Javeeda, a beloved guest of Season 2 and dear friend of the podcast who connected Shutes with us. Javeeda died last week after living with her own rare cancer for many years.

"My main point here is how important it is for you to continue to be your own health advocate." In this callback episode we check back in with Joe, whose interview aired a few weeks ago but was actually recorded nearly a year ago in December of 2024. Joe has had new developments with his cancer and is now facing the incredibly difficult choice of undergoing life-altering surgery...or not. There is the hope of getting into clinical trials but, as is always the case with disease and treatments, nothing is certain. Join Cody and Joe as they discuss the emotional and practical challenges of managing recurring cancer and the importance of self-advocacy in healthcare. This week, we are also releasing Cody's reflection simultaneously with this callback episode and we encourage you to listen, not just for its own updates after we recorded this interview, but also for Cody's thoughts on how we all face our own turning points in life.

Joe was just 29 years old when a colonoscopy revealed stage four colorectal cancer—a diagnosis he'd put off for months despite troubling symptoms. What followed was years of surgeries, chemotherapy, an ileostomy, and the constant roller coaster of scans and treatment. When Cody sat down with Joe nearly a year ago, he was doing well and treatment-free, but knowing that every three months a bad scan result could throw him right back into treatment. Joe shares what it's like to feel physically healthy while mentally wrestling with uncertainty every three months. He talks about hard-won wisdom about being your own healthcare advocate, the challenge of balancing quality versus quantity of life, and finding meaning in the face of mortality. [Be sure to subscribe or check back in, as we followed up with Joe recently and will share that part of his story in our next full episode]

"I wanted quality of life over quantity of life. If I have six months, then I will live the hell out of those six months. If I have 30 years, that would be fabulous." After 18 months of cancer treatment that left her in constant pain, Becca made a choice that surprised even her doctors: she stopped treatment, even though it was working. Her scans show no evidence of active disease, yet she's chosen to prioritize quality of life over potentially extending her time. In this honest follow-up to her first episode—a Dying To Tell You Call Back!—Becca shares how she navigated this complex decision with her husband and adult children, what liberation feels like, and why a normal Monday making strawberry shortcake means more than any grand bucket list. She offers powerful insights on patient autonomy, the cost of staying alive, and finding peace outside the narrow confines of her evangelical upbringing.

🚗💨 The Power of Pumping the Brakes... In this episode, Cody reflects on last week's conversation with Lonnie about the importance of finding meaning and purpose in life, especially when previous sources of meaning are no longer available. Cody delves into the concept of the therapeutic pause and pumping the brakes—taking time to process and make thoughtful decisions in high-stress situations. Drawing from his own experiences in the hospital, Cody discusses how slowing down can help patients and their families cope better with life-changing diagnoses, and how this principle can be applied to our everyday lives. Take a moment to gather yourself and find the peaceful space between stimulus and response. --- For more information on the sponsor of this episode, please visit the Iliff Death Care Collective.

"Don't Just Do Something...Sit There." In this reflection on his conversation with Sarah last week, Cody delves into the challenging emotion of helplessness, exploring its profound impact on individuals dealing with serious illness and those around them. How do we handle helplessness? We sit with it, we express it, we witness it. We face it and acknowledge it together, and that's the power of not trying to fix it, but accepting it. This episode also features a heartfelt message from our By The Way voicemail. If you feel the need to call someone who's no longer with us, leave them a message at 720-600-7056. --- This episode is sponsored by Iliff School of Theology, who invite you to explore "Strengthening Embodied Practice for Caregiving," a new course for caregivers to help you calm and balance your nervous system and reconnect with yourself amid the stress and challenges of your work. Oct 19 – Nov 16 Each week, 90 minutes of guided somatic practices, conversation, and practical tools To learn more or enroll now, visit iliffdeathcare.com

In this reflection on his conversation last week with Caroline, Cody shares his personal journey through grief, resilience, and finding meaning after loss. With candid insights and lessons learned from his own experiences, Cody offers a bit of hope and encouragement to anyone navigating these same literally life-changing challenges. And if you know Cody, by now you know that one of his greatest mantras is the simple but deeply impactful phrase: And That's Ok. Give a listen to see why.