Everyday Better with Leah Smart

Have you ever been in a high-stakes conversation where you tried to communicate clearly only to have the other person talk past you? Or maybe you’ve noticed yourself zoning out when others speak because you’re doing mental math on how you’ll respond. When it comes to difficult or sensitive conversations, so many of our grievances could be solved with deep listening. It’s a way of listening that encourages each person to hear what’s underneath the surface level conversation. It enables people to be curious, empathetic and respectful so that they can engage more meaningfully and truly understand each other. Emily Kasriel, an accomplished journalist, editor and media executive formerly of the BBC, has developed a clear approach for how to listen deeply. In her conversation with Leah, Emily guides us through how to use each of the eight deep listening steps, where deep listening is most useful, and how it can help us improve all of our relationships. You can find her book, Deep Listening: Transform Your Relationships with Family, Friends, and Foes here. If you liked this episode, you’ll also love this one: Are You Abandoning Yourself to Avoid Conflict? Follow Leah Smart and Emily Kasriel on LinkedIn.

Before she became a TikTok star, Eli Rallo had a clear vision for what her post-grad years would look like: she’d have a fulfilling career, fabulous friends, and would finally "feel like an adult." Instead, she found herself struggling with social anxiety, a directionless career, and a nagging fear that she’d never figure it all out: enter the 'quarter-life crisis.' Eli started sharing her unfiltered experiences online, building a community by being open about the highs and lows of her twenties. And now, in her new book of essays, she’s unpacking the lessons learned and unexpected moments of joy she discovered through embracing life’s uncertainties. Eli and Leah sat down to explore how Gen Z is coping with “adulting” and what you can learn from the other side of a big life transition. Plus, Eli talks about the unique challenges Gen Z faces and together, they unpack how cultivating real human connection offline confronts the strains and pressures of living in a digital world. You can find Eli’s new book ‘Does Anyone Else Feel This Way?’ here. If you liked this episode, check out our conversation with professor Erin Cech on the problem with passion. Follow Leah Smart and Eli Rallo on LinkedIn.

We’ve all heard of “fight, flight, freeze,” but there’s a fourth survival instinct that’s harder to spot. “Fawning” can look like people-pleasing, and it’s often applauded in society. But over time, it can wear down your ability to feel safe when someone close to you feels unhappy, disappointed or upset. And it can lead to overly focusing on what other people think, instead of being in-tune with yourself. So how do you know when you’re fawning? Today’s guest, psychotherapist Meg Josephson suggests asking yourself, “Am I abandoning myself to keep the peace?” In her conversation with Leah, Meg explains where the fawn response comes from, how it can impact your relationships and day-to-day life, and solutions for how to deal with it in different contexts. Order Meg’s book Are You Mad at Me? How to Stop Focusing on What Others Think and Start Living for You here. Follow Leah Smart and Meg Josephson on LinkedIn.

In honor of Back-to-School season, throughout September, Everyday Better is sharing conversations inspired by the essential life skills we didn’t learn in school… but should have. This week on the show, Gretchen Rubin—best-selling author of The Happiness Project—lets us into one of her secrets of adulthood: how to make decisions. We’re all constantly making decisions, big and small. As we get older and become the “adults” in the room, we’re more often the ones who have to choose one way or another on some big life decisions. So when the stakes feel high, how are we supposed to pick the right thing? Is there even a “right” and a “wrong?” And how do we make sure we have no regrets and make a decision that will make us happy? Spoiler alert: we can’t. But! There are things we can do to make better decisions. In this episode, Gretchen shares some of her hard-won wisdom and helpful tips on how to make decisions that are right for us. If you’ve ever wondered how all the other adults are choosing their paths, and whether or not you’re on track, this conversation is for you. If you liked this episode, you’ll also love this one: Case Kenny: How to Become an Optimist. Follow Leah Smart and Gretchen Rubin on LinkedIn.

In honor of Back-to-School season, throughout September, Everyday Better is sharing conversations inspired by the essential life skills we didn’t learn in school, but should have. This week on the show, cognitive scientist and host of the podcast A Slight Change of Plans, Maya Shankar, reveals what happens to us when we encounter unexpected and unwanted changes in our lives. Finding a way to deal with disappointment, shock and unwanted change is one of the most quintessential skills of adulthood. So why do so few of us know how to do it? Even Maya—who studies change—found herself at a loss when she realized that her lifelong dream of becoming a mother might never be realized. In her conversation with Leah, Maya shares the psychological reasons why we all resist change and how we can learn to navigate events that stir up grief, shake our identities and change our realities. Pre-order May’s forthcoming book The Other Side of Change: Who We Become When Life Makes Other Plans here. Follow Leah Smart and Maya Shankar on LinkedIn.

Bea Chestnut is a psychotherapist, consultant and globally-recognized expert on the enneagram, a personality typing system based on ancient spiritual traditions. For the past 27 years, Bea has studied, written about and taught the enneagram in both therapeutic and business settings. She uses it as a map for guiding her clients towards a deeper understanding of themselves and others. On this week’s episode of Everyday Better, we are bringing back one of our favorites: Leah and Bea’s deep dive into the enneagram – what it is, where it comes from and how it can be used to raise your level of awareness. Bea describes each of the nine enneagram types, including each type’s growth path for reaching a higher level of consciousness. She also shares how she discovered the enneagram and explains why she thinks it’s one of the most powerful personal development tools in the world. If you liked this episode, you’ll also love this one: The Enneagram at Work: Leveling Up Your Leadership Skills. For more on the enneagram, check out Bea’s book The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up: Find Your Path, Face Your Shadow, Discover Your True Self. Follow Leah Smart and Bea Chestnut on LinkedIn.

Have you ever made a mistake and immediately thought, “I’m so stupid, what’s wrong with me?” Suddenly, you’re not just seeing a mistake, you’re facing a wall of shame, anxiety, distress and procrastination. Today, Leah and therapist Kimberley Quinlan discuss why being hard on yourself won’t actually make you perform any better, and how we can use self-compassion as a tool for recovering from a failure and moving faster towards our goals. Kimberley guides Leah through a test developed by Dr. Kristin Neff to measure how much self-compassion Leah actually has in challenging moments. Follow along with them, and write down your own answers to the questions to see where you fall on the self-compassion scale. If you liked this episode, you’ll also love this one: Everything You Think You Know About Happiness Is Wrong. Follow Leah Smart and Kimberley Quinlan ⁠on LinkedIn.

When author and entrepreneur Nick Ortner first discovered tapping, he had no idea the impact it would have on his life. Nearly two decades later, he’s helped millions manage stress, anxiety, chronic pain and other physical and mental health challenges using the research-backed practice also known as Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). This week, Nick joins Leah to break down the science behind tapping, how it targets the brain’s stress response and why naming the negative emotions we carry with us is the first step to letting those emotions go. He also guides Leah through a short tapping exercise you can follow along with, and explains how tapping can be used in conjunction with other tools like meditation, therapy and mindfulness to support your mental and emotional well-being. If you liked this episode, you’ll also love this one: Can't Meditate? Just Breathe with JP Crimi Follow ⁠Leah Smart⁠ and ⁠Nick Ortner⁠ on LinkedIn.