Season 3 Episode 4 — The Buttock Derby
From Football Ranter by Football Ranter
October 30, 2025 · 13 min · Season 3 · Episode 4
About this episode
The episode humorously recounts the chaotic events of the Buttock Derby, featuring bizarre incidents and characters.
⚠️ Warning: The Buttock Derby delivered everything the FA handbook explicitly forbids fake kits, flying handbags, and a referee who pulled his hamstring halfway through booking a man with extra toes. In this week’s carnage: 🥴 Irish Ken’s “Real Madrid” shirts disintegrate before kick-off ⚽ Meoff actually plays football, then immediately regrets it 🦶 Six-Toes Derek scores, two-foots, and re-enacts Mortal Kombat 🍑 Referee’s left cheek explodes mid-card-wave 🪓 Tony brandishes the Stick of Justice while flogging knock-off air-fryers 👩👜 Six-Toes’ mum vaults the barrier and drops the ref with a Primark haymaker 🐕 The Labrador saves the day (again) and earns Man of the Match 🚓 Local police arrive and arrest the concept of fair play So pour a pint, brace your earholes, and join Chapo for the official Hawk & Tun post-match report —where football occasionally happens between acts of violence. 💩 P.S. White Hearts finished with nine men. 💩 P.P.S. The ref’s still icing his bum. 💩 P.P.P.S. Sheffied is still 💩 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
People in this episode
Host: Chapo
Topics covered
- soccer
- comedy
- sports
- referee incidents
- local events
- football culture
Keywords
- Buttock Derby
- referee
- football
- Irish Ken
- Six-Toes Derek
- local police
- comedy
- soccer
Mentioned in this episode
Organizations: White Hearts, Sheffied
More episodes of Football Ranter
- Season 3 Episode 6 — “Only Rants in Pants: Football Twitter For Sale” · January 28, 2026 · 1h 49m
- Season 3 Episode 6 — “RANTUMUS: The Internet, a Ginger NUT SACK Called Jonathan, and Zero Self-Awareness” · January 2, 2026 · 1h 21m
- Season 3 Episode 5 — Fog, Fraud, Diminutive Florian Wirtz, and a Panda · November 15, 2025 · 1h 25m
- Season 3, Episode 3 — “The Stick of Justice Returns: Paris Pints, Biscuit Knees & Why Jesus Would Get Hooked at Half-Time in Sunday League.” · October 16, 2025 · 1h 14m
- Kick-Off Chaos: Banned Chapo, Drunk Bomb, and a Vicar on the Wing · September 19, 2025 · 1h 15m
- Man United in Pieces, Chapo Walks Out, and Sheffield Takes More Heat · August 31, 2025 · 1h 27m
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