For The Hayters

I had to pull cash out of my savings this week to pay for a patio, because apparently some people still only take cash in the year of our lord. So I am feeling some feelings about housing costs. Meanwhile Alex is under contract on a house, I just moved into a smaller one, and we both learned the same lesson from opposite directions: getting approved for a mortgage and being able to live comfortably with it are two completely different things.The SolutionApproval is not a plan. The bank is measuring risk to the bank. It has no idea whether you want kids, want to retire early, or want to travel. Affording the payment is not the same as living with it.Why this feels so hard right now. The median US home is around $435,000 and the median household income is about $88,000. To comfortably afford that house you'd need closer to $110,000. If buying feels out of reach, you are not imagining it.Renting is not throwing money away. Renting buys flexibility, predictable costs, and way fewer maintenance surprises. Alex rented for two years after selling in Naples specifically so she could figure out where she actually wanted to live. Renting isn't wasted money if what it's buying you is options.What ready actually looks like. Three to six month emergency fund still fully funded after you close. Stable income. A down payment you understand, including whether PMI applies. Closing costs of roughly 2 to 5 percent. And a maintenance budget of about 2 percent of the home's value each year for new construction, closer to 5 percent for an older home.The hidden line items. Property taxes, homeowners insurance, HOA dues, lawn care, utilities, appliances, furniture. Alex was paying close to $1,500 a month in HOA fees in Naples for a gym she didn't even like.The listener question that says it all. A couple got approved for $800,000 but planned to spend $550,000. Alex runs both numbers: about $3,000 a month versus $4,320 a month. That's $1,350 a month, over $16,000 a year, and close to $500,000 across a 30 year mortgage before you even count what that money could have grown into.This week's homeworkCalculate your true monthly housing cost. Not the mortgage or rent number, the real one. Add taxes, insurance, HOA, maintenance, and utilities. Then ask yourself two questions. Would I feel financially comfortable if one unexpected expense hit next month? And if no one ever saw my house, would I still want this one?Connect with usJoin the Patreon for episodes early plus Wallet Therapy Live: patreon.com/beckyhayterGot a question or a money confession? [email protected] every dollar of that true housing cost in one place with Monarch Money: https://monarch.com/referral/ey3kkk8c7eSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Val was diagnosed with hydrocephalus before she was born, and the doctors gave her mom a number and a recommendation. She's 27 now, married, teaching special education, finishing her master's, and living with hardware in her head and her back that has to be replaced when it fails. We talked about what it costs to build a completely ordinary life inside a body that keeps interrupting it, and how much of that life you have to go out and take.For The Hayters is a podcast that normalizes hard conversations. Listener discretion is advised. If you are struggling, you can call or text 988 in the US to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.Interview, narration, and editing by Becky Hayter, with post-production, scripting, and sound design by Emily Nadal.Don’t forget to subscribe, like, and share to help us continue bringing these stories to light.🔹 New episodes drop every Sunday!🔹 Join our community! patreon.com/beckyhayter🔹 Follow us on Instagram: @forthehayters🔹 Submit your story: [email protected]🔹 Grab some merch! beckyhayter.com🔹 A KILLR Network podcast! killrentertainment.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

TW: opioid addiction, drug poisoning and overdose, suicide loss, incarceration, newborn withdrawal, loss of custody.Lauren was 16 when a doctor handed her a prescription for straight oxycodone for a cheerleading injury. No warning, no follow up, just take this for the pain. What happened in the eleven years between that waiting room and the house with the backyard she lives in now is the whole conversation. She talks about the parts that don't make her look good, on purpose, because she thinks somebody out there needs to hear them.For The Hayters is a podcast that normalizes hard conversations. Listener discretion is advised. If you are struggling, you can call or text 988 in the US to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.Interview, narration, and editing by Becky Hayter, with post-production, scripting, and sound design by Emily Nadal.Don’t forget to subscribe, like, and share to help us continue bringing these stories to light.🔹 New episodes drop every Sunday!🔹 Join our community! patreon.com/beckyhayter🔹 Follow us on Instagram: @forthehayters🔹 Submit your story: [email protected]🔹 Grab some merch! beckyhayter.com🔹 A KILLR Network podcast! killrentertainment.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

For the longest time I thought investing was a members only club and nobody sent me the invite. People would say things like index fund and expense ratio and diversification, and I would smile and nod like I had any idea what was happening. Spoiler: I did not. This week Alex walks me through the whole thing from the very beginning, and it turns out the scary part was never the math. It was just the vocabulary.The SolutionSaving vs investing. Saving is parking your car in the garage. Investing is sending your money out to get a full time job. They aren't competing, they're doing two different things.Stocks vs bonds. Buying stock means owning a tiny piece of a company. Buying a bond means lending money and collecting interest. Owning part of a bakery vs lending the bakery money.Why Alex loves index funds. Instead of betting on one football player, you buy the whole team. Roughly 90 percent of professional fund managers fail to beat the S&P 500 over a ten year period, which means the pros usually lose to the thing you can just buy yourself.ETFs vs mutual funds. Both are baskets of investments. Mutual funds price once at the end of the trading day and often have minimums. ETFs trade all day like a stock and are usually easier to start with.The real cost of an advisor. Alex runs the numbers on $500 a month over 30 years. No advisor and low cost index funds gets you about $1.1 million. Add a 1 percent advisor fee plus 1 percent in actively managed funds and you hand over nearly $400,000. The question isn't does my advisor charge a fee. It's am I getting enough value to justify it.The investing dictionary. Diversification, compound growth, dividends, expense ratios, and dollar cost averaging, all in plain English.Plus a listener question from someone who hasn't filed taxes in ten years after a terminal diagnosis they thankfully survived. Alex explains exactly where to start, and it's less scary than you think.This week's homeworkDo one thing. If you don't invest, open an account. If you already invest, log in and look at what you actually own. Can you explain it in one sentence? If you can't, go learn one thing about it. Progress over perfection.Connect with usJoin the Patreon for episodes early plus Wallet Therapy Live: patreon.com/beckyhayterGot a question or a money confession? [email protected] it all in one place with Monarch Money: https://monarch.com/referral/ey3kkk8c7eSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

TW: This episode discusses opiate addiction, stillbirth, miscarriage, and infant loss.Katie loved her husband through seven years of active addiction, then lost her daughter Ayla at 40 weeks, on her due date. In this conversation, she walks through recovery, repeated loss, the wedding they planned in the middle of grief, and the three boys who came after, including her youngest son's albinism diagnosis. Interview, narration, and editing by Becky Hayter, with post-production, scripting, and sound design by Emily Nadal.Don’t forget to subscribe, like, and share to help us continue bringing these stories to light. 🔹 New episodes drop every Monday! 🔹 Join our community! patreon.com/beckyhayter🔹 Follow us on Instagram: @forthehayters 🔹 Submit your story: [email protected] 🔹 Grab some merch! beckyhayter.com 🔹 A KILLR Network podcast! killrentertainment.comIf you or someone you know needs support, please visit:988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988lifeline.org | Call or text 988See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

TW: birth trauma, medical procedures performed without consent, infant medical emergency, NICU. At 21, Angelina walked into her first birth expecting it to look like the movies. What she got was a day and a half of labor, decisions made about her body without her, and a newborn daughter rushed to a hospital 45 minutes away. This is the story of what nobody told her, and how she made sure it never happened to her again.Interview, narration, and editing by Becky Hayter, with post-production, scripting, and sound design by Emily Nadal.Don’t forget to subscribe, like, and share to help us continue bringing these stories to light. 🔹 New episodes drop every Monday! 🔹 Join our community! patreon.com/beckyhayter🔹 Follow us on Instagram: @forthehayters 🔹 Submit your story: [email protected] 🔹 Grab some merch! beckyhayter.com 🔹 A KILLR Network podcast! killrentertainment.comIf you or someone you know needs support, please visit:988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988lifeline.org | Call or text 988See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We got Alex and me in the same room for once, in New Jersey for Bex's birthday, and instead of yip-yapping about numbers and the hard stuff, we decided to play a game. Would You Rather, money edition. I thought we'd disagree on everything. Turns out our answers surprised even us.The catch with Would You Rather is that it feels like there's always an obvious answer, until you actually have to pick. And Alex's analytical brain wanted to ask ten clarifying questions per round, which, honestly, fair.The Solution:Money vs. meaning. $300K at a job you don't love or $90K doing work you adore? We get into why your job doesn't have to fulfill your soul, and why chasing that nearly wrecked me.The dream house myth. Both of us would have said dream house five years ago. After actually living in one, we both went a different way. Turns out house poor is a real thing.Time vs. money. Fridays off forever or a 20% raise? This is where the sisters split, and it comes down to how close each of us is to financial freedom.Retirement, memories, and the college question. Retire at 50 or work until 70 at a job you love? Fund your kid's college or your own retirement? We land somewhere that might surprise you.This one is less a lesson and more a window into how two people with very different money brains actually make decisions. Play along at home.This week's homework: Pick a few of these questions and ask your partner, a friend, or a family member. Then really dig into how they got to their answer. Money isn't just numbers, it's priorities and the kind of life you want to support. Let us know where you landed, and whether you fully disagreed with us.Connect with us:Join the Hayters on Patreon for early access, our Wallet Therapy lives, and direct access to Alex on Discord: patreon.com/beckyhayterQuestions, debates, or money confessions: [email protected] you, mean it.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

TW: domestic violence, suicidal ideation, child neglect, miscarriage, addiction. In Part 2, Kail tells me about the dad she built into a knight in her head, the night in 2019 she wasn't sure she'd take another breath, and the question she still can't put down: am I her?Interview, narration, and editing by Becky Hayter, with post-production, scripting, and sound design by Emily Nadal.Don’t forget to subscribe, like, and share to help us continue bringing these stories to light. 🔹 New episodes drop every Monday! 🔹 Join our community! patreon.com/beckyhayter🔹 Follow us on Instagram: @forthehayters 🔹 Submit your story: [email protected] 🔹 Grab some merch! beckyhayter.com 🔹 A KILLR Network podcast! killrentertainment.comIf you or someone you know needs support, please visit:988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988lifeline.org | Call or text 988See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

TW: child neglect, addiction, sexual assault, abortion. You met Kail Lowry at 16, pregnant, on national TV. You never met the girl who came before her. The twenty-some moves, the locked doors, the childhood she spent raising herself long before any cameras showed up. I've known Kail for over ten years and thought I knew her story. I didn't know the half of it.  This is part one: the years no one was watching. Interview, narration, and editing by Becky Hayter, with post-production, scripting, and sound design by Emily Nadal.Don’t forget to subscribe, like, and share to help us continue bringing these stories to light. 🔹 New episodes drop every Monday! 🔹 Join our community! patreon.com/beckyhayter🔹 Follow us on Instagram: @forthehayters 🔹 Submit your story: [email protected] 🔹 Grab some merch! beckyhayter.com 🔹 A KILLR Network podcast! killrentertainment.comIf you or someone you know needs support, please visit:988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988lifeline.org | Call or text 988See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The second Becks was born, Becky called Alex in a full panic and asked one question: "What account am I supposed to open for him?" Same energy as everyone who's ever Googled "529 vs UTMA" at 11pm. In this episode, Becky admits she had no idea where to even start, and Alex breaks down every kid investment account without making any parent feel like they're already behind.The SolutionWhy the guilt parents feel is real, and why you can't pour from an empty cup (you can borrow for college, you cannot borrow for retirement)529 plans: strong tax advantages and high contribution potential, but locked into education and penalized for non-qualified withdrawalsUTMA custodial accounts: flexible and not tied to education, but your kid gets full control at 18 or 21, plus the "kiddie tax" and financial aid impacts to watch forRoth IRAs for kids: decades of tax-free growth, but only if your child has legitimate earned income (sorry, newborns don't qualify)Brokerage accounts: total flexibility, accessible anytime, and the account Alex and Becky both chose for their kids, with exactly why and how they set it upWhat to do if you're not financially stable yet, because there are still free, low-cost ways to startThis week's homework: If you're not stable yet, open a high-yield savings account in your kid's name and funnel birthday and holiday money into it, or just start building money habits at home. If you are stable, pick the ONE account that fits your family, not your friend's seven accounts on Instagram.Want to ask Alex which account makes sense for YOUR family? Our Patreon members get direct access to her on Discord to ask anything → patreon.com/beckyhayterBecause money is emotional, and you deserve to feel safe with it. Love you, mean it.Try Fidelity: https://fidelity.app.link/e/zN0pCpYeUZbTry Monarch: Get 50% off your first year → https://monarch.com/referral/ey3kkk8c7eConnect with us:Join the Live Therapy: Support the show and join our monthly live Q&As at patreon.com/beckyhayter.Share your story: Email us at [email protected] to have your financial scenario featured on the show!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Every time someone mentions a Roth IRA, do you nod along and then immediately Google it the second they walk away? Same. In this episode, Becky admits she still isn't totally sure what she has or doesn't have when it comes to retirement accounts, and Alex breaks it all down without making anyone feel behind.The SolutionWhat a Roth IRA actually is and why Alex is obsessed with it (hint: the government doesn't get a cut)The difference between a Roth and a traditional account, explained in a way that finally makes senseWhy just opening the account isn't enough and the one step most beginners skipHSAs: the triple tax advantage account that most people scroll past during open enrollmentFSA vs. HSA, because yes, they are very different and one of them disappears if you don't use itThe income limits, contribution limits, and the deadline most people don't know existsThis week's homework: Check your emergency fund, peek at your retirement accounts, and spend ten minutes learning one financial concept you've been avoiding. That's it. That's the whole assignment.Want to ask Alex your specific 401(k) questions live? Join us May 14th at 6pm in our Wallet Therapy Live session on Patreon → patreon.com/beckyhaterTry Fidelity: https://fidelity.app.link/e/zN0pCpYeUZbTry Monarch: Get 50% off your first year → https://monarch.com/referral/ey3kkk8c7eConnect with us:Join the Live Therapy: Support the show and join our monthly live Q&As at patreon.com/beckyhayter.Share your story: Email us at [email protected] to have your financial scenario featured on the show!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

TW: heart failure, near-death/flatline, suicide loss, domestic abuse, depression.At three months old, Bree was given six months to live. She's 49 now — the only one left from a group of kids born with the same heart condition. We talk about being a "miracle baby" with the weight of that title, grieving the version of yourself you used to be, and the difference between existing and actually living.Interview, narration, and editing by Becky Hayter, with post-production, scripting, and sound design by Emily Nadal.Don’t forget to subscribe, like, and share to help us continue bringing these stories to light. 🔹 New episodes drop every Monday! 🔹 Join our community! patreon.com/beckyhayter🔹 Follow us on Instagram: @forthehayters 🔹 Submit your story: [email protected] 🔹 Grab some merch! beckyhayter.com 🔹 A KILLR Network podcast! killrentertainment.comIf you or someone you know needs support, please visit:988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988lifeline.org | Call or text 988See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.