From Hardship to Hope

Nuggets of Wisdom* Esther models what it means to lead with discernment.* Influence is not always loud.* Printable Scripture Plan and Journaling Prompts This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tammykennington.substack.com/subscribe

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Have you lost a loved one? Do you long for the sound of their laugh? The inside jokes? Moments only shared by the two of you? Whether you know the pain of losing a beloved spouse, child, parent, or other precious one, you know the loneliness the loss of that dear one’s presence creates. Today’s guest understands your heartache and offers practical strategies to help you manage, cope, and move ahead. International author and speaker Haddasah Treu shares about her painful experience with loneliness after the unexpected loss of her husband and how her faith in the Lord gave her hope and direction.Listen in to hear more of her story.Nuggets of Wisdom * I needed human presence.* Connect to the Lord, connect with people, and engage in meaningful and joyful activities.* I still don’t have the answers, but I have peace.* Healing is a messy process.* We need the empathy of someone. We don’t need solutions or answers.* Every one of us should take responsibility for…his or her own thoughts, our own feelings, our own decisions, and not make somebody else responsible for our well being or our happiness.* Turn to the Lord…He’s our life and He’s the source of life.More About HadassahHadassah Treu is an award-winning international author of "DRAW NEAR: How Painful Experiences Become the Birthplace of Blessings," freelance writer, poet, speaker, and motivator, living in Bulgaria. She loves encouraging people to draw near to God in the dark valleys of life. From the platform of her greatest pains equipped with lessons gathered on the way, she delivers a powerful message of comfort and hope, found in God’s Word.Hadassah is a contributing author to several faith-based platforms like Proverbs 31 Compel Blog, and 13 devotional and poetry anthologies. She has been featured in The Upper Room, (In)Courage, Proverbs 31 Ministries, Today's Christian Living, Living by Design Ministries, and many other popular sites and podcasts. Read a chapter for free from Hadassah's book here.LINKSWebsite:https://onthewaybg.com/Join my community:https://subscribepage.io/joinmycommunityFacebook:https://www.facebook.com/onthewaybg/X:https://x.com/onthewaybgPinterest:https://www.pinterest.at/onthewaybg/YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@hadassahtreu-authorMedium:https://medium.com/@hadassah.treuAmazon:https://www.amazon.com/Treu-Hadassah/Draw Near Book:https://a.co/d/gWfmBE3Gumroad Shop: https://hadassahtreu.gumroad.com/Draw Near This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tammykennington.substack.com/subscribe

(00:00:45):Do you long for hope amid mental, emotional, or everyday struggles?(00:00:49):Join mental health coach,(00:00:50):inner healing prayer warrior,(00:00:52):author,(00:00:53):and trauma survivor,(00:00:54):Tammy Kennington,(00:00:55):on From Hardship to Hope,(00:00:57):the podcast for Christian women navigating motherhood,(00:00:59):mental health,(00:01:00):or matters of faith.(00:01:02):If you need biblical support, encouragement, and actionable tips, this show is for you.(00:01:08):Welcome.(00:01:09):I'm your host, Tammy Kennington.(00:01:11):Today, we're discussing loneliness.(00:01:14):within the framework of Scripture.(00:01:17):We'll delve into the life of Elijah and consider some takeaways,(00:01:21):and at the end of the episode,(00:01:24):discuss specific ways to grow through and beyond loneliness.(00:01:29):So let's get started.(00:01:33):The article read,(00:01:35):Lonely old man in his 80s,(00:01:37):strong-bodied,(00:01:38):can shop,(00:01:38):cook,(00:01:39):and take care of himself.(00:01:41):No chronic illness.(00:01:43):I retired from a scientific research institute with a monthly pension of $946 a month.(00:01:50):My hope is that a kind-hearted person or family will adopt me,(00:01:53):nourish me through old age,(00:01:55):and bury my body when I'm dead.(00:01:58):This is taken from a 2021 news article written by a man named Han in China.(00:02:06):I often wonder about Han.(00:02:09):Did someone usher him into their family?(00:02:12):Did a Christian community invite him to church?(00:02:16):Did they meet his need for friendship, for companionship, for protection?(00:02:24):The book Project Unlonely by Dr. Jeremy Noble exposes what he terms the loneliness crisis.(00:02:31):And he notes that trauma,(00:02:33):aging,(00:02:34):illness,(00:02:34):and differences all contribute to loneliness,(00:02:39):one of the world's gravest social issues.(00:02:43):Yet we know from Scripture the story of loneliness is as old as time.(00:02:48):In Genesis 2 we read, Soon after Adam was created,(00:02:54):that God said it is not good for man to be alone.(00:02:57):We were made to commune with God and one another.(00:03:03):But after the fall, that need for companionship became altered.(00:03:11):Men no longer walked with God in the garden.(00:03:14):There was a gap in that relationship.(00:03:18):And the relationship between men and women was altered.(00:03:22):And we see that all throughout Adam's family with his sons having such struggle(00:03:30):that one rose up and killed the other.(00:03:34):That discomfort that loneliness brings with it reminds us of the importance of relationship.(00:03:42):Many people from Scripture also experience that same struggle,(00:03:46):and we can learn a lot from what the Bible records about them.(00:03:49):So today we're going to talk about one of the greatest prophets in the Old Testament, Elijah.(00:03:57):He was a powerful, influential man at the time.(00:04:00):He reprimanded King Ahab, who had let all of the northern kingdom of Israel into idolatry.(00:04:06):Elijah called fire down from heaven on Mount Carmel, yet he experienced acute loneliness.(00:04:14):In 1 Kings,(00:04:15):we discover that he was fearing for his life after revealing to Ahab that there(00:04:20):would be a famine in the land that would only end at his command.(00:04:26):The prophet, led by God, hid by the brook Cherith.(00:04:32):And out of curiosity, I looked up the meaning of that Hebrew word.(00:04:37):I discovered it means community of misfits and off the mainstream.(00:04:44):It intrigues me that God sent his faithful follower to a creek that reflected Elijah's light(00:04:52):Elijah didn't align with society's values.(00:04:55):In fact, he opposed the idolatry of those in the mainstream.(00:05:00):And I wonder how many of us feel like we've camped by the brook designated for(00:05:04):those swimming upstream.(00:05:06):Maybe you feel that way.(00:05:09):Maybe your family sees you as the Bible thumper.(00:05:14):Maybe you're the only Christian in your family.(00:05:17):Maybe you struggle to connect with co-workers because instead of using Jesus as a(00:05:24):curse word,(00:05:25):it's said in prayer.(00:05:28):Maybe you feel abandoned by a loved one.(00:05:35):Maybe you are lonely for a prodigal in your life.(00:05:42):A well-known author,(00:05:43):Lisa Turkhurst,(00:05:45):once wrote on Proverbs 31 about attending an event and how she felt so rejected and overlooked.(00:05:56):She says,(00:05:57):I couldn't wait to be with these people,(00:05:59):and I couldn't wait for the deep friendships that would surely bloom as a result of(00:06:03):our time together.(00:06:04):Walking into the meeting room, I quickly located the table of the people I was excited to meet.(00:06:10):Every seat had a name tag attached, so I circled the table looking for mine.(00:06:15):As I got to the last chair and realized my name wasn't there, my heart sank.(00:06:20):Finally, at a table on the opposite side of the room, I found my name.(00:06:24):The Lord must have a special plan for me to meet and connect with the others(00:06:28):assigned to my table,(00:06:29):I thought.(00:06:30):Taking my seat, I pulled out my cell phone and waited nervously for my table mates.(00:06:35):I waited and waited and waited.(00:06:39):As the prayer for the meal concluded and the event got underway,(00:06:42):it became painfully apparent to me that the others assigned to my table weren't(00:06:47):able to come for some reason.(00:06:49):So I'd be seated alone.(00:06:52):Very alone.(00:06:53):In my head, I started to have a little pity conversation.(00:06:57):Well, self, would you like a roll or ten perhaps?(00:07:00):And that's when a very clear sentence popped into my head.(00:07:04):You aren't set aside, Lisa.(00:07:05):You are set apart.(00:07:08):It wasn't audible and it wasn't my own thought.(00:07:11):I knew it was a thought assigned by God that I needed to ponder.(00:07:15):To be set aside is to be rejected.(00:07:18):That's exactly what the enemy wanted me to feel.(00:07:21):If he could get me to feel this,(00:07:23):then I'd become completely self-absorbed in my own insecurity and miss whatever(00:07:29):reason God had for me to be at this event.(00:07:32):When loneliness sets in, I wonder, are those enemy's arrows finding their mark?(00:07:42):Let's deny the enemy the victory over our minds.(00:07:46):Scripture actually calls us to be holy, which literally means set apart.(00:07:53):We are to be the Elijahs of our day.(00:07:59):Elijah's story does not end at the creek side.(00:08:03):Instead, the drought that he had announced to King Ahab affected him.(00:08:09):The brook dried up and his provision as well.(00:08:14):But God had a solution.(00:08:16):He sent the prophet four hours away to Phoenicia.(00:08:23):There was a widow there, and Elijah met her and said, please give me some bread and some water.(00:08:29):And she proceeded to tell him,(00:08:32):look,(00:08:32):I'm just out here gathering sticks to make a little fire and to use the last of my(00:08:36):flour and oil to make a final bit of bread for my son and me,(00:08:45):and then we know we'll die.(00:08:49):God sent Elijah to an unbelieving woman who called God your God.(00:08:57):And in her kindness,(00:09:02):she listened to Elijah,(00:09:04):made him the bread,(00:09:06):and invited the man God loved into her home.(00:09:12):And not only did God continue to give them flour and oil to sustain them throughout(00:09:19):the entirety of the famine and the drought,(00:09:24):but when that woman's son died,(00:09:27):Elijah raised him back from the dead,(00:09:31):and she recognized God as her own.(00:09:35):So God extended mercy not just to Elijah—(00:09:38):but also to the woman and her son.(00:09:42):It's such a beautiful story of God's mercy and compassion and provision.(00:09:49):After three years, the Lord called Elijah back to Israel to confront Ahab.(00:10:02):And while he was there, he met the priests of Baal on Mount Carmel.(00:10:08):There were 450 of them,(00:10:12):all calling out to their God,(00:10:15):Baal,(00:10:16):all calling out for him to answer their prayers.(00:10:20):Meanwhile, Elijah said, whoever has a God that answers, he is the true and living God.(00:10:28):When the prophets of Baal finally gave up, they had gashed themselves.(00:10:34):They had called out for hours until their voices were hoarse.(00:10:38):And Elijah said, pour water on this altar.(00:10:42):And he dug a trench and gallons and gallons and gallons of water absolutely(00:10:48):drenched the wood on the altar.(00:10:51):Elijah called out to God and fire came down and consumed the altar,(00:10:58):the wood,(00:10:59):the water,(00:11:00):and the dust.(00:11:03):After that, Elijah had all of those false prophets killed.(00:11:11):Upset and angry,(00:11:13):Ahab fled home to his wife,(00:11:15):who happened to be the most dangerous enemy in the kingdom,(00:11:22):Jezebel.(00:11:24):And when she heard of Elijah's victory, she put a price on Elijah's head, and he fled in fear.(00:11:34):into the wilderness.(00:11:36):In his despair, he called out, I have had enough.(00:11:42):I wonder if you're in that same place today,(00:11:45):if you've been in that place before,(00:11:48):if you've been alone in the wilderness or even there now shouting the words,(00:11:52):I've had enough.(00:11:58):God did not condemn Elijah,(00:12:02):despite his skewed perception of circumstances,(00:12:05):because truly,(00:12:06):loneliness can lead to his skewed perception of our situation.(00:12:11):Like Elijah, we might call out, I alone am left.(00:12:16):Nobody understands me.(00:12:18):Nobody understands my situation.(00:12:21):Nobody gets my pain.(00:12:23):Nobody understands my grief.(00:12:25):Nobody understands what it is to grapple with this illness.(00:12:29):There's no one else who gets trauma like this.(00:12:34):Elijah was in that place.(00:12:38):But Obadiah,(00:12:40):a servant over Ahab's household,(00:12:43):had hidden and provided for 100 prophets who loved the Lord.(00:12:47):Elijah wasn't alone.(00:12:49):But he was so consumed by self and situation,(00:12:52):he couldn't remove his gaze from the pain to the power of God.(00:13:02):One of my favorite psalms, Psalm 121,(00:13:07):encourages us to take a different approach it says i lift up my eyes to the hills(00:13:13):from whence comes my help my help comes from the lord who made the heavens and the(00:13:19):earth when we can remove our eyes from our own pain and look toward heaven and(00:13:29):heaven's purpose(00:13:32):Our circumstance itself may remain the same, but we can be transformed.(00:13:38):Let's take a closer look at God's response to Elijah's loneliness.(00:13:43):We've seen how Elijah responded to his loneliness,(00:13:47):but let's take a look to see how God responded to him.When Elijah said, I've had enough, I can't take anymore, God did not condemn him.(00:14:01):His scripture reveals that God sent an angel instead to refresh his exhausted follower.(00:14:08):He provided him with heaven-sent bread and a jug of fresh water.(00:14:14):Afterward,(00:14:15):Elijah launched on a 40-day journey until he arrived on Mount Horeb,(00:14:21):the same mountain that Moses hiked up to receive the commandments,(00:14:27):the same mountain Moses hiked where he saw the burning bush.(00:14:33):God heard the prophet's lament,(00:14:35):not once,(00:14:36):but twice,(00:14:37):when Elijah said,(00:14:38):I've been very zealous for the Lord,(00:14:41):and I alone am left.(00:14:45):Maybe you have been zealous for the Lord too.(00:14:49):You've done all the right things.(00:14:51):I thought that if I did all the right things in my life,(00:14:55):if I followed God,(00:14:57):if I raised my children in a home with a Christian husband and we directed them(00:15:02):toward the face of God,(00:15:04):then A plus B would equal C.(00:15:06):Things would fall into place.(00:15:08):But life isn't like that.(00:15:10):We do have an enemy.(00:15:12):And the world is fallen.(00:15:15):But what I love is that God reveals him in the most unexpected way.(00:15:21):And he can do this for Elijah.(00:15:23):He can do this for us.(00:15:27):1 Kings 19 reads, He came there to a cave and lodged there.(00:15:41):And behold, the word of God came to him and he said, What are you doing, Elijah?(00:15:47):And he said,(00:15:47):I've been very zealous for Yahweh,(00:15:48):the God of hosts,(00:15:50):for the sons of Israel have forsaken your covenant,(00:15:53):pulled down your altars,(00:15:54):and killed your prophets with the sword,(00:15:55):and I alone am left.(00:15:58):So God said, Go forth, stand on the mountain.(00:16:01):And behold,(00:16:02):Yahweh was passing by,(00:16:04):and a great and strong wind was tearing up the mountains and breaking in pieces the(00:16:08):rocks before Yahweh.(00:16:10):But Yahweh was not in the wind.(00:16:12):And after the wind, an earthquake, but Yahweh was not in the earthquake.(00:16:17):Then after the earthquake, a fire, but Yahweh was not in the fire.(00:16:21):And after the fire, a sound of a thin, gentle whisper.(00:16:27):Now that it happened that when Elijah heard it,(00:16:29):he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave.(00:16:35):And behold, a voice came to him and said, What are you doing here, Elijah?(00:16:40):God's gentle whisper.(00:16:44):Elijah suffered through the famine.(00:16:47):He dealt with persecution.(00:16:48):He managed isolation.(00:16:51):But he also encountered the Lord.(00:16:54):God sustained him.(00:16:57):He was promised community and he was commissioned for a new thing.(00:17:05):To anoint a prophet and a new king.(00:17:10):That gentle whisper of God is for us too.(00:17:14):We can hear his gentle whisper in the Holy Spirit when we meet with him,(00:17:18):when we abide in him,(00:17:20):when we climb that spiritual mountain and we say,(00:17:24):God,(00:17:24):I can't do this on my own,(00:17:26):but you can.(00:17:29):So just as God met Elijah in his loneliness, he will meet us in ours.(00:17:39):We know.(00:17:40):That when Elijah was alone, God did something interesting.(00:17:44):He at first addressed Elijah's physical needs.(00:17:47):He provided nourishment.(00:17:50):He provided water and food and rest.(00:17:55):And then he offered him comfort and guidance.(00:17:59):God is our provider.(00:18:01):The Lord's Prayer tells us, Give us this day our daily bread.(00:18:06):But He's also the God who is our spiritual river.(00:18:11):He will fill us to overflowing with the Holy Spirit.(00:18:14):And that Holy Spirit is the same one who is our comfort and our guide.(00:18:21):He's our advocate.(00:18:24):We are not left alone.(00:18:29):And now let's explore a little bit more about how God's presence in the stillness(00:18:33):and solitude transformed Elijah.(00:18:39):From the point at which Elijah met the Lord on Mount Horeb, he gained spiritual strength.(00:18:47):He put on that spiritual mantle.(00:18:52):And God led him back to Israel where he declared God's power.(00:18:59):He anointed a new king and a new prophet who took on Elijah's mantle.(00:19:06):He fulfilled his mission.(00:19:11):The reality is that loneliness is not uncommon, Christian or not.(00:19:16):We all face an internal battle in times of isolation.(00:19:20):We can face feelings of unfruitfulness, of unproductivity.(00:19:25):Sometimes our thoughts gain the upper hand and lead us to a private wilderness of(00:19:29):pain and isolation.(00:19:34):How are we to cope when that happens?(00:19:38):First, we need to recognize that as God assured Elijah he was not alone,(00:19:44):and reminded him of the 7,000 other prophets in Israel who had not bowed to Baal,(00:19:52):that there is a modern-day church filled with believers walking through their own(00:19:57):and even similar valleys.(00:20:02):72% of women say they sometimes feel lonely.(00:20:05):They are in our churches.(00:20:07):They're sitting next to us or behind us in the church pew.(00:20:12):They're in us in our play groups.(00:20:15):They're by our side in Bible studies.(00:20:18):They're sitting with us on that commute to work.(00:20:23):They are in the lounge space.(00:20:27):at work,(00:20:28):next to us,(00:20:30):when we're in the grocery store,(00:20:33):wherever it might be,(00:20:34):there is another person who feels that loneliness.(00:20:41):So we too,(00:20:42):as the body of Christ,(00:20:44):can minister to those walking through a season that we understand.(00:20:52):And in those wilderness times,(00:20:56):We know that our solitude is not wasted.(00:20:59):For Elijah, it was a time of renewal and clarity, a recommissioning for new work.(00:21:06):What is that new thing he might be doing in your life?(00:21:11):These moments of loneliness can be opportunities of growth for us.(00:21:15):They can be opportunities even for preparation or deeper intimacy with God.(00:21:20):In fact, 40 days of fasting and prayer are shown throughout Scripture.(00:21:28):Moses was on the mountain for 40 days, fasting and in prayer.(00:21:33):Jesus went through the wilderness for 40 days.(00:21:37):But after testing,(00:21:39):there was,(00:21:40):in all of the situations with these men,(00:21:43):a great time of mission and purpose.(00:21:47):Perhaps God may do the same thing in our lives.(00:21:52):What can he teach us through our loneliness?(00:21:56):Who is in our circle of influence that might be experiencing that loneliness?(00:22:00):And how can we come alongside them?(00:22:03):And as mentioned in our last episode, are we filling up on the Holy Spirit?(00:22:10):Is our sponge so full with the living water of the Holy Spirit that when life(00:22:17):squeezes us,(00:22:18):we're pouring out His love,(00:22:21):His grace,(00:22:22):His mercy?(00:22:24):Can we remove our eyes from our own pain to see something greater that God might have for us?(00:22:34):If you're looking for a great read or resource,(00:22:38):I'd like to recommend The New Loneliness,(00:22:42):Nurturing Meaningful Connections When You Feel Isolated by Cindy McMenamin.(00:22:49):She talks about reconnecting with God,(00:22:51):reconnecting with your heart,(00:22:53):and reconnecting with others.(00:22:56):She addresses suffering,(00:22:57):comparison,(00:22:58):busyness,(00:22:59):mistrust,(00:23:00):hashtag me first,(00:23:03):screens,(00:23:04):and independence,(00:23:06):as well as several other topics.(00:23:08):There are areas for reflection and intentionality and journaling as well.(00:23:14):I can't recommend this resource enough.(00:23:17):And if you really love the science side of loneliness,(00:23:22):you might want to pick up a copy of Project Unlonely by Jeremy Noble.(00:23:28):It is a secular book,(00:23:31):but it's filled with wonderful information about projects that have helped people(00:23:37):heal from loneliness.(00:23:39):And you might even discover some inspiration for how you might impact your community.(00:23:48):As we finish up today, I would love to pray for you.(00:23:54):Lord, thank you for showing us your compassion, care, and mercy throughout Scripture.(00:24:00):Like Elijah,(00:24:00):we sometimes grow discouraged in our situations and sometimes feel like we're(00:24:05):wandering through a wasteland,(00:24:06):bereft of anything to sustain us or anyone to witness our pain.(00:24:13):But you, Father, will sustain us.(00:24:16):You are a witness to our struggles.(00:24:19):And you call us higher to a spiritual mountain, a place of abiding beneath your wings.(00:24:27):Help us surrender our circumstances to you, Abba.(00:24:30):We give the loneliness of suffering, loss, illness, or difference to you.(00:24:36):Give us the eyes of Elijah to help us see you warring on our behalf.(00:24:41):Gird us up that we might stand against the lies of the enemy and help us move ahead(00:24:48):as we seek to minister to others who are walking through a similar valley.(00:24:54):Thank you for your extravagant love and for your faithful presence.(00:25:00):In Jesus' precious and powerful name, Amen.(00:25:31):Thank you. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tammykennington.substack.com/subscribe

Do you long for hope amid life's struggles and challenges? Then join author, certified mental health coach and inner healing prayer practitioner Tammy Kennington on From Hardship to Hope, the podcast for Christian navigating life through a faith based lens.If you need biblical support, encouragement and actionable tips, this show is for you. Welcome. I'm your host, Tammy Kennington. Today we continue delving into the topic of loneliness with guest expert Don Dawn Ward.Dawn is a speaker, writer and Bible teacher. She is the founder of the Faith to Flourish, a ministry offering support encouragement to women with addicted loved ones. Don also equips women to live transformed lives through inspiring teaching, mentoring and biblical resources.She's married to Steve and mom to three adult children. Her book From Guilt to Hope and Healing for Christian Moms of addicted children, published September 24, is now available.John, thank you so much for being here. Welcome.Speaker A: Thank you for inviting me, Tammy. I look forward to our conversation.Speaker B: I do too.Well, let's go ahead and and start with the question of what role has your faith played in helping you navigate feelings of loneliness? And how can others lean on their faith in Christ in a similar sort of circumstance?Speaker A: When I first looked at loneliness, I thought how can you be lonely when you're busy and you're a mom and you have kids and you have family and you have friends and you have work and your career and church and all of that.And so there's so many people around us. But loneliness is not always about the number of people we have in our lives or the number of relationships we have. Often we feel lonely and isolated because of circumstances that we're going through.In my case, it happened to be children who were struggling with addiction and especially when it started in our family close to 20 years ago. I remember feeling very isolated, not knowing who I could talk to because I was a woman of faith.And I often found that the circles that I was in, while maybe they discussed higher power and those type of things, I didn't feel the connection that I needed to with my faith to help me to be able to be just open and honest and sincere and really be myself and know, talk about those hard things like when David cried out in the Psalms and just lamented.I think that was something that was missing for me in that I felt the need to appear strong and to have a strong faith and to believe for the, for my children's welfare.And I couldn't bring myself to feel like I felt comfortably in a circle where everyone was really depressed and hopeless. But I also didn't feel like I fit into a circle where it was all faith and everything is, you know, going to be fine and just trust Jesus and.And so I felt like I kind of wavered and that is where my faith helped me. But at the same time, I struggled and was a little bit in limbo in there too.Like, who can I be open to in the church and who can I talk to? So I could often go into a room full of people and feel just very lonely and isolated.Speaker B: You have a similar experience to me in that I have a couple of precious children who walked through addiction struggles. I too felt very alone in that because I wasn't quite sure who was a safe enough person, even within my faith community to share that with without feeling judged.And I think it's so important that we not only deal with stigma having to do with addiction or mental health, but also with the stigma of loneliness, because it's not a topic we deal with much.Do you have any tips or insight on how people can navigate that difficult situation?Speaker A: I would say find your people. It's. It's instinctual to want to pull away. And I feel like an animal sometimes. It's caught trap where they're hurt and they need help, but the very person who's there trying to help them, they're pulling away from and they're.And they're afraid of. And they might even be lashing out. And sometimes our support system doesn't look like what we think it should look like. In other words, we may feel like our husband should get us like the, you know, the children's father should understand what we're going through or be able to communicate in such a way as to offer us support.Or maybe we feel like we should be able to talk to our family of origin, our parents, or our siblings, but because of history there, we really can't even talk to them.And so we have to look outside of who we would think would normally be our circle of influence and would be those closest people to us because they just might not be the ones equipped to help us go through this.And so finding someone that you can connect with, who relates, you know, it could be another mom, it could be another person going through what you're going through, whatever your circumstances are, if you're dealing with a terminally ill loved one or maybe your career was just swept away from you unexpectedly, finding those people who have either walked through it or are walking through it, but maybe a little bit ahead of you so that they can offer you some sage advice and encouragement about you will get through this so that you're not just commiserating, which can often make you feel like, well, gosh, you know, I got it off my chest, but I don't feel any better.And so, yes, she gets me, but I don't feel any better. So sometimes you have to look, you have to kind of go around till you find your people, your tribe, if you want to call it that.It could be one person, it could be a few friends. And I did find that that was the case, that it wasn't numbers of people and a lot of people, but it was just thinking to myself, like, lord, who do I know?Or who could I get to know that can kind of help walk me through this and be a supportive, but also have enough wisdom to say, we. Come on, Dawn, you know, where is Jesus in this?Do you see him in this? And you know, are you really alone? Or are there people who love you and care about you? Because sometimes our feelings lie to us too.Speaker B: Absolutely. And I love that. I think we do have to really seek that kind of community out in pretty much any circumstance. But I can relate to kind of being that animal, having that sort of animalistic response because we just closed in on ourselves.And that makes you feel even more isolated, which I think is part of the reason I think it's so important we're talking about these struggles. I do think people can even find their tribe, as you were saying, in groups like Celebrate Recovery.Yes, because a group like Celebrate Recovery isn't just about addiction recovery. It's also about wounding. Just a general wounding. And that might be a good place if somebody is really looking for a way forward or even just personal counseling or couple counseling, just because then you have somebody who can reflect back to you.Okay, have you thought about this?Speaker A: And yes, I really agree because sometimes we get into our own head and it's like a broken record. Right. We can't get unstuck. We don't want to be where we're at, but we don't know how to take that one extra step that would.Would then break that cycle. And often when we're dealing with long term difficult things like you and I both went through and many people are going through, what happens is we.We don't know what we don't know, and we don't know what we need. And so part of it is just being open to finding a support system and saying to yourself. “You know, I really like her, she's nice.” But I'm finding that if I'm spending time with her, I'm not feeling better. I might need to look for someone else or, you know, and that could even be a counselor.You might be, you know, going to see a counselor. And for whatever reason, they're, they're empathetic, they're understanding, but you're not starting to feel better. And I think that's because often we see loneliness, but it's just one part of a puzzle piece of grief.And so when you were talking about being like that, you know, animal that's hurt and caught, that's grief a lot of times too. And so we don't recognize that we're grieving.So at first we're pulling away from the person or whoever God is sending to us for support because we're just thinking, I need to just snap out of.But when something happens and you're going through the valley of the shadow of death, or you're going through a tremendous traumatic experience and shock and the trauma, often that's a natural survival, like a survival mode that we go into.And so it's, it's instinctual and so it's okay in those first early days, weeks, when you're gathering information and you're just in shock and you're trying to get it to all settle in.But when we start to stay there is when I think we really start to feel isolated and stuck. And so that's where someone who can help move us along.And I even remember telling my sons that I'm like, find the groups that encourage and build you up and will hold you accountable in a positive way. Don't find the ones that are people who don't want to be there.You know, for instance, if they're struggling with addiction, there's a lot of recovery groups, but some of them can just be a bunch of young kids. Maybe they're court ordered to be there.They don't want to be there, they want to be out of there. If you really want to change, you want to have like minded people who are also working towards their change.And I think that's the way it is with loneliness. We all enjoy being alone and having quiet sometimes and just being able to, you know, decombust and decongest and all of that.But I. Loneliness and isolation are different. And that can really, we can really get stuck in that if we're not proactive.Speaker B: Oh. Yeah. There's that distinct difference between the two. And even Even someone who's deeply introverted will still need that connection. And even if they don't need as much as the most extroverted individual there, because it's a continuum of need.Speaker A: Yes.Speaker B: So you mentioned a couple of great ways to build connection. What if you're struggling in your church home and feeling disconnected from others? How can people start to build that deeper, more meaningful relationship with people within those four walls?Speaker A: That was something I had to learn because I tended to pull away from my church community.I. Not to say I didn't. I didn't quit going to church, but I quit saying yes to a lot of the opportunities a church has in ministry and just gathering together and, and just serving together side by side.I tended to pull away from those things.And so what?So in, for instance, if you get hurt, you're going to either go to an ER or to an urgent care so that a medical doctor can take care of you and see the injury and tell you how to treat it.So you know where you need to go to help you if you're hurt or you're sick or you're injured.And I think that's the way it is with whatever thing that's causing you to feel so lonely. You may need to go to a support group that's at another church.Like you said, go to a counselor, find an online group of people who are going through what you're going through and do that with them, and then go to your church to worship the Lord, to be in each other's presence, serving together, finding that ministry that you love doing where you can just go and be you and enjoy building relationships and serving together.And then over time, I think the Lord starts to bring those people that are your safe people that you can tell a little bit of your story to within your church family and not feel like, you know, I'm under everyone's constant scrutiny or they don't know how to ask me about this situation.So, you know, everyone feels uncomfortable. And so I think it's just an opportunity until you start to get more comfortable and able to. In going through what you're going through, it just helps to maybe have the two separated a little bit.Speaker B: And I love that. I'd never thought of that.Speaker A: Yeah, because. Because sometimes our churches have great communities, but people, especially people who are in actual, maybe recovery for addiction, or I think about men who maybe have had a **** addiction or women who've had a **** addiction or something, if they were to go to their own church they might feel stigmatized, labeled, and maybe some people very well would do that, or maybe a lot of people would be very understanding.But either way, you feel revealed and you feel uncomfortable, and maybe you're just not ready for that. And so knowing that you can go maybe someplace across town and make a group of friends there that are all going through the same thing that you're going through and dealing with the same thing you're dealing with, you may end up seeing some of the people from your church there, because they may be going across town as well.But, you know, build that community because there's. We are very multifaceted people. We have gifts and talents that God has given us. And when we get lonely and we start grieving, we tend to just kind of sink into ourselves and we forget about all these beautiful other aspects of who we are that God created us to be, that we can go and flourish in those areas by serving and working.You know, we have gifts or maybe you want to see. You love singing. Stay on the worship team. Go sing. Go be with your people and. And, you know, go to church for that reason.Speaker B: I love that, because we still need to. When we're. When we're walking through a place of loneliness, we do need to nurture and foster those things that God has gifted with, gifted us with, because we want to remain in close relationship with him as well.And that's so key, I think, to. To recovering from.From any loneliness.We need people, but we. But we need the Lord too. And so.Thank you.Speaker A: I do think about people who are homebound, and that's, I'm sure, something that you'll probably discuss further with some of your other guests that have had that personal experience or maybe a loved one who's homebound.Right, Mom? Right now, my father is homebound, and he doesn't know the Lord, but he's dealing with a terminal illness. You know, his. His life is coming to an end here, but probably in the next few months or so.And I see him, even when I try to drive to his town where he lives and say, well, can I just take you out for a little while? Or whatever, he.His mind is already setting himself to just stay there.And so some of his loneliness, you know, in a few months when he's really sick, maybe it would make more sense. But right now he's just tired, worn out, lonely, and doesn't have the energy.And so that's where I think church communities can really help. Or if somebody is struggling just with transportation, I think, you know, if the Church community can look for those women, those people who are truly not able to get themselves to church or they even can't attend church in person, that it would be nice if someone in the church knows of a person like that, that maybe they go pay them a regular visit and just see them and encourage them for even just a few minutes or a cup of coffee, or take them a cookie and just visit for a few minutes can make a world of difference for people who really cannot do anything about their isolation.Speaker B: Oh, that's fabulous. And, and that that group of people, whether it's chronic illness or people who are aging and just unable to get out, or people who have some, some particular reason that they're unable to leave home.I think that's a beautiful thing. In one of the books I've been reading about loneliness, I wish I could remember which one. I have such a huge stack, but there was mention of a woman who was homebound.And there was a group of people who found out about these people who. Other individuals who were homebound and they began making regular weekly phone calls.And it was just incredible because she developed this relationship with a gentleman who continued to call her just a friendship. And finally he was able to meet with her and she was, you know, an elderly woman with diabetes.And that's why she couldn't go anywhere because I think she had an amputation. And this young guy, 30 something, with young kids would visited her and they became such close friends and they continue to foster that relationship.And she, she was able to get pressed through that loneliness so much because of him. And as a result was able to really focused on healing, losing weight and those things, and was eventually was able to return to visit different places and actually leave the home.Speaker A: See, that's wonderful. That's just the gift of love, isn't it? And it's seeing a need and feeling it in any way that we can.And I see that when the, when the church is working well together and the eye isn't trying to be the hand, and the hand isn't trying to be the foot, but everyone is just doing their part.And so for me, for instance, I will cook for someone, but it's not like my strength, but I will do it. But, but if, if they say, well, you know, we need someone to take a casserole and we need someone to take a salad, I'd rather take the salad because then I know that I'm not possibly going to mess up the casserole and be all stressed out about it.So then it turns out to be something I enjoy doing because I love actually getting with the person and who and just talking to them and enjoying their conversation and their company.And so I think it's just also seeing what God has gifted us in and not feeling like, well, I can't do it like Betty, but instead, what is the thing God's asking you to do and that can help us come, you know, combat loneliness really well.And I think loneliness has become a huge issue, especially since COVID It really felt like we had to be very intentional about getting out. I know my office was closed for several weeks during COVID and all of that.And I just had to get myself out and walk and wave at people and just know that I was still alive.You know, know we, I live in Las Vegas, our entire strip, all the hotels closed. And that's our, our main economy here. And so it was just a very weird ghost town kind of a feeling here.And afterwards it took time to really start to feel comfortable just doing normal things again. So I can imagine for some people it's especially hard.Speaker B: Yes, I think you're right. And it, the data does show and reflect exactly what you're saying, that loneliness has not decreased since COVID but it only increased. And so these are, these are such key conversations.Speaker A: They are, yeah.Speaker B: I just really appreciate all of your insight into that. What do you think?The. What. How do you balance the need for personal solitude and reflection with. With the importance of being in a community? And what has that balance taught you about God's presence in your life?Speaker A: So my career as I was a medical esthetician, so I worked in a medical practice for about 22 years, but I was in medical doctor's offices for about 25 years. So it's very high energy.You're seeing a lot of patients, you're talking to a lot of staff. There's a lot going on. And so when I, what happened with me was I had a hand injury that required surgery.The hand didn't heal well enough for me to go back and work on patients faces and, you know, take on that liability. And so that was a career end for me.So I went from seeing people and being with people all day long to pretty much, you know, working behind my keyboard and behind the screen and connecting that way, which I had never really connected a lot with people.I mean, I was on social media. I have an online support group for Christian moms whose children struggle with addiction. But I just didn't really have the one on one that I was used to having.And I had to kind of work to get to where I was like, hey, can we connect and just talk over zoom and have a cup of coffee and get to know each other?And I had to be very intentional about building relationships. And then I had to tell myself, okay, now you're. They're not just going to come to you. You have to go to them.And so I think anytime the church can make opportunities for the. The people to come together, that's great. But I also feel like some of us are just stronger in the area of we're just more outgoing, and I think that's a gift.So the people who are outgoing don't think that a shy person doesn't enjoy companionship. My daughter is on the autism spectrum, so she's very quiet and she only says what she has to say.But she's a deep thinker and she doesn't miss anything. And she likes being with people. But it can be perceived, her quietness can be perceived as that she doesn't want to be with people.But I would always ask her, like, you know, does this situation cause you stress or do you enjoy it? No, I like it. So then I would look for more opportunities to kind of cultivate those situations that she enjoyed.She likes going out with myself and my friends and just listening to us gabber away. And she says very little, but she's taking it all in and she likes it.And so I think for those of us who. That has taught me to kind of look for those shy, introverted people, if I'm at a group setting in church or whatever and just go introduce myself and just say hi, because it's always awkward for any of us to meet someone new.But now as I'm getting older, I have less inhibitions that way, and I just enjoy meeting new people.So I would say even if you're not comfortable really with one on one, put yourself into those situations and see who God brings your way, who, who you cross paths with.And that's where I think the church can. Can do it really well, you know, in cultivating environments where, yeah, there's large group G, but there's also the opportunity for those small group gatherings as well.Speaker B: Oh, I love. Yes. We put on the brave. Put on the brave.Well, we usually close with a prayer. Don, would you consider offering a prayer to the person who's listening right now and just struggling with that loneliness?Speaker A: I would. I would love to pray.Speaker B: Thank you.Speaker A: Okay. Lord Jesus, I thank you so much for this time that we've had together to Talk about loneliness. And I think everyone can put their pulse on a situation that they felt lonely in, that they felt uninvited, perhaps unwelcomed, perhaps even rejected.I think we've all gone through situations in our life that have isolated us. And so for those people who right now are experiencing that or perhaps still hurting and struggling with the wounds of feeling lonely, feeling rejected, feeling like no one sees them, Lord, I just, I want to encourage them that you see them, that you know them, that you love them, you hear their cries.And Father, you do not want them to feel lonely or to feel like no one cares and that there are people out there who are willing to get to know them and excited to get to know them.So, Father, whatever it is they're going through that causes them to feel like I can't do it, I don't have it in me. I pray that you would just strengthen them to make that phone call or to say yes to that meeting or to find that meetup group, that it could be a knitting group, it could be a coffee club, it could be a book club, just anything.It is that they would just make that phone call or go online and find that one thing that they really enjoy doing and take that step of faith. Just give them courage to take that step of faith.And if anyone is listening and they see that woman at church that comes by herself all the time and her kids are crying and she puts them into the nursery and she sits down and feels frazzled and they just have a heart for her, Lord.Or they see that widow who comes week after week and she's alone, or they. They hear of someone who was a regular at the church and now she's homebound. I pray that they wouldn't be shy, that you would fill them with your love, with your boldness and give them just creative ideas for ways to show and share your love.So, Lord, we praise you. We thank you for those who are hurting, who are feeling like their circumstances are never going to end. Father, I want you to remind them that you are with them, that your rod and your staff comfort them and they are not alone because they have you.So, Father, we praise you and thank you. Thank you for being our constant companion. We pray this in Jesus name. Amen.Speaker B: Amen. Well, thank you, Dawn. I will put all of Dawn's links and information in our show notes, so be sure to check out all of her incredible, her incredible ministry and social media accounts.Be sure to visit. And thank you, Dawn, for sharing your insight and wisdom with us.And if you are listening and found this episode helpful, the best way you can spread the word about from hardship to hope is to text this to a friend and leave a five-star rating and review.Until next time.If you’d like to connect with Dawn…Dawn Ward is a speaker, writer, and Bible teacher. She is the founder of The Faith to Flourish, a ministry offering support and encouragement to women with addicted loved ones. Dawn also equips women to live transformed lives through inspiring teaching, mentoring, and biblical resources. She is married to Steve and mom to three adult children. Her book, From Guilt to Grace: Hope and Healing for Christian Moms of Addicted Children, published September 2024, is now available.Social Media links:HTTPS://www.thefaithtoflourish.comHTTPS://www.Facebook.com/thefaithtoflourishHTTPS://www.instagram.com/thefaithtoflourishbloghttps://youtube.com/thefaithtoflourishwithdawnwardhttps://linkedin.com/in/dawn-ward-93975b266 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tammykennington.substack.com/subscribe