Get Your Marriage On! with Dan Purcell

What happens when you realize your spouse still loves you—but doesn't really like you? After 20 years of marriage, that's the realization Matt Sallas faced. In this episode, Matt shares how addiction, obligation-based sex, and emotional disconnection nearly destroyed his marriage—and the framework that helped rebuild trust, attraction, and intimacy. We discuss emotional safety, emotional masculinity, the difference between reluctant and enthusiastic consent, and Matt's simple "Sex Sequence" for creating a marriage both spouses genuinely enjoy. In this episode: • The difference between love and like in marriage • Why emotional safety matters more than most couples realize • The hidden cost of obligation-based sex • Matt's 3-step Sex Sequence framework • How emotional masculinity strengthens intimacy • The "Always Be Dating" mindset Resources: Matt's relationship survey: untoxicatedsurvey.org Matt's podcast: https://un-toxicated.com/ Get Your Marriage On events: https://getyourmarriageon.com/events Spark'd app: Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Most people think being a good spouse means being selfless, accommodating, and easygoing. But what if those same habits are quietly creating resentment, frustration, and disconnection? In this episode, we're joined by Stu Murray, a men's leadership coach, to discuss the "Nice Guy Pattern"—the tendency to suppress your own needs, avoid conflict, and hope your partner will magically figure out what you want. Together we explore: • What covert contracts are and why they create resentment • Why people-pleasing often leads to less intimacy, not more • How unspoken expectations damage emotional safety • The connection between honesty, desire, and attraction • Why many men struggle to express what they really want • Practical steps to stop self-abandoning and start showing up authentically If you've ever thought, "After everything I do, why don't I feel appreciated?" this episode is for you. You'll learn how greater honesty, responsibility, and authenticity can create stronger connection—and often more intimacy—in your marriage. Episode Resources Come cruise with us this fall! Don't miss out on the International Lovemaking Day Challenge going on now in the Intimately Us app! Find Stu on Youtube (https://www.youtube.com/@iamstumurray) and Instagram: @iamstumurray Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Better sex isn't just about what happens in the bedroom. In this episode, Dan sits down with Zach Watson to unpack the hidden emotional and mental work happening inside many marriages — and why it has such a powerful impact on intimacy. They talk about invisible labor, mental load, emotional safety, and the loneliness that can build when one partner feels like they're carrying everything alone. Zach shares practical ways couples can better share responsibility, communicate more clearly, and create more trust and partnership at home. You'll also hear: Why "helping" can sometimes create more frustration The difference between doing a task and owning it How emotional labor affects desire and connection Why empathy matters so much in sexual intimacy Simple ways couples can work more like teammates This episode is honest, practical, and full of moments that will help you better understand your partner — and yourself. Episode Resources Thriving Together: How to Share the Mental Load in Marriage (GYMO Guide) Get ready for International Lovemaking Day with Intimately Us! Come cruise with us! Zach's Free Mental Load Basics Skool Community Find Zach on Socials: @zachmentalloadcoach (Instagram) and @zachthinkshare (Facebook) Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

ATTN: Women's only coaching cohorts starts today, May 12! Don't waste another day wishing things were different in your marriage. Sign up here: Women's coaching: https://getyourmarriageon.com/womens-small-group-coaching/ In this fourth session with Peggy and Steve, something important finally clicks. Peggy begins recognizing the exact moment her brain hits the "kill switch" during intimacy. Not consciously. Not intentionally. Just years of conditioning kicking in automatically. As the conversation unfolds, Peggy starts connecting the dots between anxiety, "good girl" conditioning, fear, pleasure, and the unconscious belief that enjoying too much might somehow be wrong. In this episode, you'll hear: Why some people unconsciously shut pleasure down What happens when your brain treats pleasure like danger How anxiety can quietly disconnect you from your body Why rewiring sexual patterns takes more than just "thinking differently" You'll also hear one of the biggest mindset shifts of the series so far. This episode is about learning how to stop fighting yourself in intimate moments, and starting to trust that pleasure, connection, and desire were never the enemy.

Why do so many couples feel stuck, even when they're both trying their best? In Part 2 of this real coaching series, Peggy and Steve come back after working on making intimacy more fun and less performative. And for a while, it works. But underneath the progress, a deeper pattern starts to surface—one that keeps pulling them right back into the same frustrating gridlock. Inside this episode, you'll hear: How "needy" energy shows up in subtle, unintentional ways Why looking to your spouse to fix how you feel creates disconnection The difference between wanting connection and depending on it How both partners can feel powerless—even in a loving marriage This episode gets to the core of a pattern many couples don't realize they're in: 👉 When you rely on your partner to regulate your emotions, intimacy starts to feel like pressure—not connection. And when that happens, both people lose. The goal isn't to stop wanting each other. It's to stop needing your partner to feel okay. Because that's where real connection—and real desire—can actually grow. This is Part 2 of a 5-part coaching series where you'll hear what it takes to break out of that cycle and create something better. Make sure you've listened to Part 1 first! Resources from the episode: Our Men's and Women's Cohorts are starting May 12! Seats are limited, so grab your spot today!

She didn't think sex could be for her. In this honest conversation, Faith shares her journey from seeing sex as transactional, to walking away from it after finding Jesus, to struggling with disconnected, obligation-based intimacy in marriage. But something shifted. She began to understand that intimacy could be connective, meaningful—and even for her, too. If you've ever felt like sex is something you do rather than something you enjoy, this episode will resonate. You'll learn how she: moved out of "duty sex" and into real connection started identifying what she actually enjoys began experiencing intimacy in a whole new way A powerful story of healing, growth, and what's possible in marriage. Resources from the episode: Our Men's and Women's Cohorts are starting May 12! Seats are limited, so grab your spot today!

This episode is a special one—episode 300. That feels really meaningful to me. I'm grateful you listen, share the podcast, and care enough about your marriage to keep showing up for these conversations. I really do celebrate you and your commitment to building a strong, intimate, passionate marriage. For this milestone episode, I wanted to do something a little different. So I turned it into a personal research project around a question I've been pondering for a long time: 👉 What's the difference between having sex… and making love? In this episode (Part 1), I reached out to trusted experts and mentors to hear their perspective—and what they shared genuinely changed how I think about intimacy in marriage. You'll hear from: Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife on desire, freedom, and why we lose "aliveness" in long-term relationships Dr. Chelom Leavitt on emotional connection as the strongest predictor of sexual satisfaction Adam & Karissa King on moving from transactional sex to truly knowing and being known This isn't just about sex. It's about: Meaning Connection Desire And the kind of intimacy that makes a marriage feel alive again Don't miss Part 2 (Episode 301), where we continue this conversation with three more voices and perspectives. More about our guests: Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is the author of a book, That We Might Have Joy, she offers amazing online courses, and has an exciting in-person events coming up this summer. Dr. Chelom Leavitt is a world-renowned sex researcher and has many helpful resources on her website about mindfulness in sexuality, relationships, teaching kids about sex, and more. Adam and Karissa King, better known online by the brand Dear Young Married Couple, teach courses, host a podcast, and provide many resources, especially for newly married couples. They are also in the process of releasing a new book. Resources and Events: We invite you to explore our Get Your Marriage On coaching program. Get ready for our men's and women's groups starting up again in May! Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

What if low libido, fatigue, brain fog, mood changes, or sexual dysfunction aren't just "part of getting older"? In this episode, Dan talks with family nurse practitioner Shelly Wilkinson about hormones, libido, insulin resistance, and the role whole-body health can play in sexual wellness. Shelly shares her personal story, what led her into hormone education, and why she believes many men and women are missing an important piece of the puzzle when it comes to energy, desire, and long-term health. They talk about common signs of hormone imbalance, what questions to ask when seeking help, why libido issues are often more complex than we think, and how physical health and relational health can work together to improve intimacy. If you're in midlife and noticing changes in energy, mood, desire, or sexual function, this conversation (and the one just previous to this epsiode in this mini series) will help you navigate the next steps. In this episode, you'll hear: Why low libido may not be only a relationship issue Common symptoms that can point to hormone concerns The connection between hormones, energy, and sexual health Questions to ask before working with a hormone provider Why both spouses may need to look at their health, not just one How physical wellness can support emotional and sexual intimacy Check out more about Shelly and her clinic here: http://wasatchmedicalspa.com Resources and Events: We invite you to explore our Get Your Marriage On coaching program. Get ready for our men's and women's groups starting up again in May! We have one more spot available on our cruise! We'd love to have you join us! Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

What does your nervous system have to do with your sex life? More than you might think. In this episode, Dan sits down with nervous system specialist Morgan Starr-Riestis, who explains why feeling safe in your body is one of the most important ingredients for great intimacy. Many couples assume sexual problems are about technique, desire differences, or communication. But often the real issue is something deeper: our nervous systems are stuck in fight, flight, or shutdown. Morgan shares how our bodies are wired for safety, how dysregulation can show up in the bedroom, and why learning to regulate yourself can dramatically change your intimate connection. You'll learn: • Why safety is the foundation of pleasurable sex • The difference between actual safety vs perceived safety • How shame, pressure, and expectations dysregulate the body • Simple daily practices that help regulate your nervous system • Why trying too hard to orgasm can sometimes make it harder • How to identify the underlying need behind recurring relationship patterns Morgan also shares practical exercises couples can try right away to build safety and connection in everyday moments. If sex sometimes feels stressful, pressured, or emotionally loaded, this episode will help you understand what your body is trying to tell you—and how to work with it instead of against it. You can find Morgan on all socials with the handle @mind.psy.guidance Resources and Events: We invite you to explore our Get Your Marriage On coaching program. For a limited time, you can try it free for 30 days and get access to coaching sessions and our full course library. We also have an opening due to a cancellation at our upcoming couples retreat, and one more spot available on our cruise! We'd love to have you join us! Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

In this episode, I sit down with my friend Jacqlin — published author and romance reader — to talk about something I've wanted to explore for a long time: how writing intimate stories can deepen connection in marriage. We talk about: Why erotic writing can feel more vulnerable than sex The difference between sharing your body and sharing your private thoughts How to overcome fear of rejection Practical scaffolding and ideas for writing your first spicy story Boundaries, motivation, and what NOT to do Why your "why" matters more than the spice level Jacqlin even shares a sample story at the end of the episode (with a content warning), so you can hear how tenderness and connection can coexist with passion. If you've ever wondered: Where do I even start? Is this appropriate in marriage? What if my spouse rejects it? Could this actually bring us closer? This episode will give you clarity and courage. Sex isn't just about bodies. It's about inviting your spouse into the private parts of your mind and heart. And that can be transformative. 👉 Download the Intimately Us app for access to more stories like this. 👉 Join us on the Get Your Marriage On Cruise this October. 👉 Try our coaching program free for 30 days. 👉 Snag the last-minute opening for our Spring Couples Retreat.

Shame is a universal emotion — and for many Christians, sexual shame is one of the hardest to overcome. In this deeply honest conversation, I'm joined by Natalie Hamblin as we explore how sexual shame quietly divides marriages, and how couples can move toward sexual wholeness instead. We talk about: How shame creates emotional and physical distance Why hiding parts of yourself fractures intimacy The difference between guilt and shame How faith and sexuality actually belong together How to reframe sex as God-given and good What to do if shame from your past is haunting your present marriage The power of education and communication And how Natalie and her husband moved from fear to deep connection And if sexual shame is something you're actively working through, I invite you to explore our Get Your Marriage On coaching program. For a limited time, you can try it free for 30 days and get access to coaching sessions and our full course library. We also have an opening due to a cancellation at our upcoming couples retreat! We'd love to have you join us! Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

(If you haven't listened to Part 1 yet, go back. It lays the foundation for everything we're about to discuss.) Because in Part 2, we get real . . . In this continuation of my conversation with Charlene Byers, we explore: Why honesty is the foundation of erotic intimacy What integrity looks like in marriage What gets you stuck in roommate syndrome and resentment The "losing strategies" couples use without realizing it We also talk about small daily habits that simmer connection and how to rebuild intimacy when things feel distant. This one might stretch you—in a good way. And it'll give you language and motivation to start the conversations that lead to better connection (in and out of the bedroom). Resources and Events Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better, TONIGHT! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps: https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/ We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring! Snatch this spot while you can! https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/ Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

With Valentine's Day, just around the corner, I've been thinking a lot about what does it mean to really love my wife, and to love well? In this bonus episode, we pulled a favorite clip from our archive with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, therapist-turned-coach, longtime mentor, and returning guest on the podcast, in which we asked her: "What does it mean to cherish your spouse?" Her answer is thoughtful, wise, actionable, and hopeful as she teaches how to build truly loving marriages. Resources and Events Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps (Valentine's Intimacy Challenge started on Feb 1!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/ We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring! Snatch this spot while you can! https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/ Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.