God, Sex & You!

On today’s show my guest, former NFL quarterback Jeff Kemp and I are going to talk about the things in life that you are not expecting. For example, when the boss asks you to come into his office and tells you that you’re being laid off. When the doctor calls with test results, and asks that you come in ASAP. When your precious 14 year old daughter comes home, and tells you that she’s pregnant. When your wife finds pornography on your computer. Whether these things are self inflicted or not, life is all about the unexpected. How are you going to respond when...not if...but when these things start happening in your life? Lastly Jeff give some wise advice as to what to do when facing the blitz regarding sexual temptations and purity.

Are women impossible to understand? Ask most men and the jokes start flying, right?! What you may not know is that God commands men to understand their wife. 1 Peter 3:7 says, "Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way." So why don't most men take the time to do this? My guest today is author Ken Nair. He is the founder of Christ Quest Ministries and is the author of "Understanding The Mind of a Woman.

It is so interesting to me, how Jesus answers this question from the Church of His day in Matthew 19:1-6. He not only answer the question about divorce, but He also gives us the standard for all of sexuality at the very same time. Look at what Jesus does here. He points us right back to the beginning of creation in Genesis 2:24, and with one statement we see the template for all sexuality. We see the standard for which all sexuality is now based and judged. One biological man and one biological woman under a covenant from God is His definition of marriage and sexuality. It’s so simple isn’t it? God is not a God of confusion and disorder, He is a God of simplicity and order. We as humans are the one’s who make things difficult! Let me give you an example: When I left my first wife and chose to have two affairs with two different women... I knew it was wrong. I don’t know if I ever would have called it “sin” back then, because the word “sin” wasn’t in my vocabulary, but I knew it was wrong... I was defiant. I was entitled. And I was going to do what I wanted to do and nobody could or would tell me any different. I knew it was wrong but I justified my thoughts and rationalized my behavior. And now I see myself in so many of you. "Dustin, when is lust actually lust? How long is “too long” to look? Dustin, I know that I’m not supposed to be sleeping with my girlfriend, but see...we love one another, and you don’t want me to hold back my love from her right? Dustin, is masturbation a sin? How can pornography hurt anyone?" Brothers and sisters, ladies and gentlemen… time and time again, I will point you back to Genesis 2:24. Not my words, but God’s...God’s Word’s reiterated by His Son Jesus Christ. Look, even if you’re not a Christian…I understand the skepticism. But the reason I believe this to be true is because anyone who claims to be God, predicts His own death and then rises from the dead and then shows Himself to hundreds of people afterward to prove to us that He is exactly who He said He was...has the authority over everything and everyone. Secondly, I believe this to be true, because I tried the world’s way. It didn’t work out so well. I was an addict for over 20 years of my life..and if you want to hear the whole story, visit DustinDanielsRadio.com. We tend to frame this discussion as God, being a grumpy grandfather type stereotypical character and cosmic kill joy...instead of a Loving Father who only wants the very best for you. Pastor James MacDonald says something like this...We don’t realize that when God says don’t, He is saying “don’t hurt yourself”. But we continue to hurt ourselves. Our country has hurt itself again, by legalizing sexual sin. And the Church still doesn't know how to deal with same sex attraction, homosexuality, and now gay legalized marriage. So on today’s show, I wanted give a very clear picture of where we are from a Biblical Worldview on this topic of homosexuality.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction. Proverbs 1:7 For wisdom will come into your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul; Proverbs 2:10 An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge. Proverbs 18:15 We as a culture are fascinated with knowledge aren’t we? Dare I say “addicted to education”, obsessed with our studies, longing to learn new things that will allow us to get the next promotion, be a better parent or lose that dreaded ten pounds. But what about learning things of the spiritual world? It’s amazing to me what Jesus told us. In Matthew 18:3 - Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. The apostle Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 1:27 But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong;. And I love the snippet of scripture in John 3 - a conversation between Jesus and a religious man named Nicodemus. This guy was THE teacher in all of Israel….and everything he had ever learned and taught was wrong about salvation- this concept of being saved from our sins. So how does all this relate to God’s definition sexual purity. Is it possible that you may have learned some incorrect things about sexuality growing up? Of course, we all have! So, how do we unlearn them? And then how do we learn the beauty, the majesty and the glory of what God says sexuality and purity really truly is? That is our topic for today… Godly Wisdom.

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, 5 not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; - 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 How many times have you asked yourself, what is God’s will for my life? Does God really have a plan for my life? How do I know, will I ever know? If you have never asked those deep questions of life, you may want to see if you have a pulse! Today we are going to address the topic of God’s will for your life!

You have probably heard about a book titled, 50 Shades of Grey. Many of you have read this book….and there is no doubt you have an opinion on it. 50 Shades has sold more than a hundred million copies and the movie version is coming out on Valentines Day. So my dear sisters in Christ… you are in for a very special treat today. On todays’s show I wanted us to get a proper perspective on the 50 Shades of Grey - what it means for you sexually and spiritually. For you men and husbands…you have the privilege of listening in on a conversation that will reveal the longings of a woman's heart! My guest is Dr. Juli Slattery. You may recognize her name as she is a returning guest when she and Linda Dillow were on the show last June speaking on their book and video series “Passion Pursuit”. Juli is a clinical psychologist and the cofounder of Authentic Intimacy. We discuss Juli's response to 50 Shades with "Pulling Back The Shades: Erotica, Intimacy, and the Longings of a Woman's Heart"

Before I met the Lord Jesus Christ, I used to be a total secular rock and roll guy. Remember the hairbands in the 80’s (Bon Jovi, Poison, Motley Crue) and all the grunge rock in the 90’s (Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots). I used to listen to that kind of music 24/7. Last week my wife Amy and I started playing our own version of “Name that Tune”. We each had our phone, and jumped on YouTube to play a little clip of music. As we were doing this, it brought me back to the 1980’s and 1990’s. But here’s the thing. I never realized the horrible…downright awful ungodly lyrics in the songs that I sang over and over again. Has that ever happened to you? You hear a song that you haven’t heard for years or decades and then all of sudden you realize the words your actually singing? 1 John 2 speaks, of the danger of loving this world, and I gotta tell ya…I loved the world back then…and those lyrics that I used to sing proved it… So the question for you today is….as we start off the new year of 2015….as a Christ centered person…do I love this world? We also answer a question from Jeremy. He wants to know what comorbidity is, and why he should care.

We are obsessed with this idea of love aren’t we? From the songs we listen to, to the movies we watch and the books we read, we are totally and completely preoccupied with this concept of love. And yet, I’m not sure we even know what love is. For most of us, its simply a feeling that we enjoy when things are going our way, but when we don’t get what we want out of a particular relationship the feeling simply goes away and we “fall out of love.” That’s why its so important to have a biblical worldview instead of your own personal worldview in which you approach your life and circumstances. I remember being in college one semester and trying to impress my professor. I told him I was an atheist, just like him. After the semester was over, I decided that wasn’t working for me, so I joked around with my friends that I was forming a new religion called “Dustin-ism”. Well, I gotta tell ya, that didn’t work out so well for me either. It never works out well when you crown yourself King and expect everyone to serve you, does it? In fact that is the very opposite of biblical love. Let’s go to 1 Corinthians 13 and do a small exercise. You may have done this in Sunday school class….but what I want you to do is simply replace the words “love and it” with your name as you read the passage. Well, what do you think? Love from a biblical perspective is anything but a feeling. In fact love from a biblical perspective is not a feeling at all. Love is a person. 1 John 4:8 tells us that God is love. All we have to do is look at the life of Jesus to see what love is because He is the author and sustainer of love. My guests are a father and son who speak on love, sex and women from the perspective of a young man asking real authentic questions to his father as he learns to live life on his own. Guest: John Eldredge & Sam Eldredge Book: Killing Lions: A Guide Through The Trials Young Men Face

Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you. -Galatians 5:1 MSG Have you ever thought to yourself, that Christ has indeed forgiven others…and he has forgiven me….except for this one thing. I mean how could God forgive me for that? (whatever that may be). Maybe it was something you did or maybe it was something that was done to you….regardless of what it is….there’s a voice deep down inside of you telling you that, whatever that thing is….it’s unforgivable. You tell yourself that Jesus has forgiven others, but He can’t forgive me. I’ve heard that, I’ve said that and believed that lie for many years of my own life. It kept me bound up in silence and shame for over 20 years. And now I hear that same exact lie from other men and women. It’s amazing…shame and the demonic spiritual world don’t have any new tricks. They spew the same lies to all of humanity, and they’ve been doing exactly that since The Fall. So what do you do when you hear that lie of unworthiness? The only thing to do is replace the lie with Truth…the truth of Galatians 5 - that Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you. Another lie that we tend to believe is that Jesus can set others free from the bondage of pornography, but not me. I’ve been looking too long, I live a secret life, it would hurt my family too much if they found out, I would lose my job, my Church, my ministry. So we continue to believe that lie and step back into a self-imposed prison filled with shame by voluntarily putting that harness of slavery of pornography around our neck. Is it true? That Jesus can set others free from the bondage of pornography, except me. Well, my guest today has a lot to say regarding that question. Guest: Stephen Kuhn Book: 10 Lies Men Believe About Porn Website: http://www.beltoftruth.com

This show is Q&A: I just started listening to your show and have a question. I heard you say that the issue is not really the issue. Can you explain further? How is porn not really the issue in my life?

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. - Ephesians 4:31-32 Martin Luther King Jr, said, “The old law of an eye for an eye leaves everybody blind.” Forgiveness. It is one of the bedrock principles of our Christian faith. As Jesus hung from a bloodstained cross… “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” - Luke 23:34 Is it really possible to forgive your spouse, after some type of sexual betrayal….whether its pornography, an emotional affair or adultery. After all, your spouse promised to “have and hold only you” from your wedding day forward. And now that promise has been broken, and those vows …. shattered. Today, we discuss forgiveness, and the hope of a stronger marriage through the pain of sexual betrayal. Guest: Debbie Laaser Book: Shattered Vows: Hope & Healing For Women Who Have Been Sexually Betrayed Website: https://www.faithfulandtrue.com

The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord. - Proverbs 18:22 Have you noticed that the God given institution of marriage is under attack from the world? We hear about statistics, we watch the news, we see the blatant disrespect for marriage on television and in the movies. And it seems that the world is evangelizing the Church instead of the Church evangelizing the world on this God given institution. It appears that many of us have given up trying to spend time with our wives. Apparently its just easier to medicate ourselves with work, sports and porn instead of re-engaging in the activities that we did to pursue our spouse in the first place. Well, I’ve got news. It doesn’t have to be that way! By the grace that is given through Almighty God, you have the ability to engage and to strengthen your marriage by dating your wife once again. Guest: Pastor Justin Buzzard Book: Date Your Wife Website: http://www.justinbuzzard.net

So Joshua went up from Gilgal, he and all the people of war with him…. and all the mighty men of valor. --Joshua 10:7 What does it look like to a mighty man of valor? What does it take to be a regular guy that has great courage in the face of great danger? Now, does this mean there are not brief moments of fear and doubt in your life? I would submit to you that a mighty man of valor is someone who moves toward those moments of fear and doubt and embraces them….instead of letting it paralyze and silence them. So…let’s bring this analogy into the realm of your sexual sin. Just like Joshua was in a real physical battle in Jericho, there is a very real spiritual battle that rages around you dealing with your sexual integrity. What does it look like to be a man of valor in today’s culture? What does it look like for you to be a Godly man of character and purity? Someone who is faithful and true to His God, his spouse, friends and Church. Guest: Dr. Mark Laaser Book: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction Website: https://www.faithfulandtrue.com