How To Sex

The New Joy of Sex: Part 4. The allure of any size and shape. 2008, based on the works of Alex Comfort and Susan Quilliam. Listen to the podcast at How To Sex. Breasts. “In our maturer years,” wrote Erasmus Darwin, “when an object of vision is presented to us which bears any similitude to the form of the female bosom; we feel a general glow of delight, which seems to influence all our senses, and if the object be not too large we experience an attraction to embrace it with our lips as we did in early infancy the bosom of our mothers.” Breasts are the natural second target, but often the first one we reach. Just how sensitive they are, in men as well as in women, varies enormously, and according to physical state and mood. As with other sexual organs, size is unimportant in relation to sensitivity; if it still creates insecurity, however, fascinated attention is a more effective cure than surgery. Some breasts don’t answer at all, even in the emphatically non-frigid; some answer to extremely gentle touches, some to very rough handling (but they are sensitive structures; don’t let a need for forceful contact get the better of sound common sense.) Going round and round the nipple with the tongue tip or the glans, soft kneading with both hands, gentle biting, and sucking gently like a baby are the best gambits; she can do the same for him. (While there, both can occasionally check for suspicious lumps.) If her breasts are big enough to meet, one can get a surprising degree of mutuality from inter-mammary intercourse. This is a good expedient on occasions when she doesn’t feel like vaginal intercourse. She lies half flat on pillows, he kneels astride (big toe to her clitoris if she needs helping) with his foreskin, if he has one, fully retracted. Either he or she can hold the breasts together; wrap them around the shaft rather than rub the glans with them. It should protrude clear, just below her chin. Intercourse between the breasts is equally good in other positions; head to tail, or with her on top (especially if she has small breasts), or man sitting, woman kneeling; experiment accordingly. An orgasm from this position, if she gets one, is “round” like a full coital orgasm, and she feels it inside. Breast orgasms from licking and handling are “in between” in feel. His ejaculation this way gives her what’s known as a “pearl necklace”; he should rub the semen well into her breasts when he has finished (see semen.) Breasts, vagina, and clitoris all at once make the fastest and most concentrated buildup of sensation once intercourse has begun, for some women at least. Many easily stimulated women can also experience a rather special pleasure from suckling a baby. Nipples. a direct hotline to her most sensitive parts. She says: “Unlike a man’s nipples, a woman’s can have a direct hotline to her clitoris and vagina. A man who can dial this correctly and will only take the time can do anything. Palm-brushing, eyelash-brushing, licking, and loud sucking like a baby can work wonders; the orgasms one gets from these are mind-blowing without detracting a jot from intercourse to come after. Please take time.” He, meanwhile, can get a very special jolt from this, made more intense still if she is actually lactating; male suckling is more of a majority interest than you might think. On him, rather than by him, stimulation is less likely to have an effect; few men can get a nipple orgasm, but try a stiff pair of feathers (see feathers) or very gentle fingertip friction; men’s nipples easily get sore. If the effect seems lacking, assiduous attention over time may help; try gentle circles with a toothbrush. There is no proof in the theory that caffeine creates temporary nipple sensitivity, but it’s still worth a try. Fluctuating hormones before her period can turn sensitivity into discomfort, and if there is itching, swelling, bleeding, or discharge, get it checked out. This applies to him as well as to her. If a partner likes pain, or to test the possibility without putting the question direct, pinch nipples lightly, then harder (never when sore, lactating, or newly pierced.) The aim is a balance of pleasure and pain; after, once pressure is released, the whole body will be achingly sensitive for hours. If this appeals, move to nipple clamps (not clothes pegs, which aren’t adjustable); a linked pair with one on each of his and her breasts also provides a neat accompaniment to any movements that create a gentle tug. When taken off, pinch with fingers, then release slowly to allow the blood to flow back in comfortably. Limit time on such play; 15 minutes is enough. Buttocks. a turn-on in almost equal measure far both sexes. Next in line after breasts, buttocks alternate with them as visual sex stimuli for different cultures and individuals. Actually the original primate focus, being brightly colored in most apes; apparently equally fancied by the Neanderthals, who produced some of the best Stone Age figurines. The buttocks are a major erogenous zone in both sexes, though less sensitive than breasts because they have fewer nerves and a layer of fat, and so need stronger stimulation (holding, kneading, slapping, or even harder beating; see discipline.) Intercourse from behind (see rear entry) is a pleasure in itself, but be careful if she has a weak back. In any position the muscular movements of coitus stimulate the buttocks in both sexes, particularly if each holds the partner’s rear fairly tightly, one cheek in each hand. These extra sensations are well worth cultivating deliberately. Visually, good buttocks are a turn on in almost equal measure for both sexes. Penis. while the penis is emphatically his, it also belongs to both of them. Not only the essential piece of male equipment, even if it is often and expressively described as a “tool,” the penis has more symbolic importance than any other human organ, as a dominance signal and, by reason of having a will of its own, generally a “personality.” No point in reading all this symbolism back here, except to say that lovers will experience it, and find themselves treating the penis as something very like a third party. At one moment it’s a weapon or a threat, at another something they share, like a child. Without going into psychoanalysis or biology, it’s not a bad test of a love relationship if, while the penis is emphatically his, it also belongs to both of them. In any case, its texture, erectility, and so on are fascinating to both sexes, and its apparent autonomy, a little alarming. Like the vagina, the penis collects anxieties and folklore, and is a focus for all sorts of magical manipulations. Male self-esteem and sense of identity tend to be located in it, as Samson’s energy was in his hair. If it won’t work, or worse, if she sends it up, or down, the results will be disastrous. This explains the irrational male preoccupation with penile size. Size has absolutely nothing to do with physical serviceability in intercourse, or; since female orgasm doesn’t depend on getting deeply into the pelvis; with capacity to satisfy a partner, though many women are turned on by the idea of a large one, and a few say that they feel more (see size.) If anything, thickness matters more than length. Nor has flaccid size anything to do with erect size; a penis that is large when at rest simply enlarges less with erection. There is no way of artificially “enlarging” a penis. Nor, except in very rare cases, is a penis too big for a woman; widthwise, the vagina will take a full-term baby. If his penis, whatever its length, knocks an ovary and hurts her, he shouldn’t go in so far. A woman who says she is “too small” or “too tight” is usually making a statement about her arousal levels; she needs time, understanding, and foreplay. Shape also varies; the glans can be blunt or conical. This matters only in that the conical shape can make receptacle-tipped condoms uncomfortable through getting jammed in the tip. Women who have really learned to enjoy sex are usually as fascinated by their lover’s penis, size included, as men are by women’s breasts, shape, odor, and feel, and learn to play with it fully and skillfully. Circumcised or not (see foreskin), it’s a fascinating toy quite apart from its main use. There is a whole play scene connected with uncapping, stiffening, and handling it, making it pulsate or ejaculate, that is a major part of togetherness. This is equally important for the man; not only is it ego-boosting, but good hand- and mouth work practically guarantee a good sexual partner. Care and maintenance: if he isn’t circumcised, he will need to retract the foreskin fully for cleaning purposes, and if it won’t retract beyond the corona all round the glans except at the front, get it seen to (correcting it involves a trifling operation with a blunt probe and doesn’t necessarily mean that he needs circumcising.) If it won’t retract properly or is over-tight and gets stuck, get that attended to as well. Slight asymmetry often develops with time; this does no harm unless it’s pronounced or painful, in which case see a doctor. On the other hand, don’t bend an erect penis or use a position in which it could get violently bent by accident. (This usually happens with the woman on top if she is careless near orgasm, or in putting him in, and he is just short of fully stiff; keep a little control here.) It is possible, though difficult, to fracture one of the two hydraulics contained in the shaft. This is very painful and can lead to pain or kinking on subsequent erection. The normal organ will stand up to extremely hard use, but not to these. (Avoid also silly tricks with suction and so on; see inflators.) Sores, discharge, lumps, bumps, bleeding, and so on signal illnesses and need treatment. Even if you both have proof that you are free of all sexually transmitted diseases; if you aren’t, condoms are mandatory; don’t have oral intercourse with someone who has a herpes on the mouth; you can get recurrent herpes of the penis or the vulva, which is a nuisance. If the foreskin is dry from masturbation or long retraction, saliva is the recommended lubricant. Commercial equivalents are now sold that make things more comfortable and add sensation, but steer clear of the ones that claim to slow down or speed up response; they can anesthetize or irritate him and, by association, her. If he has problems in this department, it’s best to use less “quick-fix” methods (see hair-trigger trouble, and performance.) Size. Preoccupation with the size of their genitals is about as common in men (it is a “dominance signal,” like a deer’s antlers) as sensitivity about their breasts and figure is in women. That, however, is its only importance in matters sexual. The “average” penis is just over five inches overall when erect and between three and four inches round, but penises come in all sizes; larger ones may be spectacular, but no more effective except as visual stimuli. Smaller ones work equally well in most positions; and may, as only the first few inches of the vagina are sensitive, actually work better than larger examples. In any case, she will almost always report that what matters is how it’s used, not how big it is. Non-erect size in the male is equally unimportant; some men before erection show no penile shaft at all, but extend to full size easily. The same applies to testicle weight; it varies, as does nose or mouth size, but has little to do with function. Small genitals are usually due to active muscles in the layer beneath the skin; a cold bath will shrink the best-endowed male down to Greek-statue proportions. Accordingly, excessive preoccupation with size is an irrational anxiety, often created by the fact that men see their own penises as small because they are seen from above and other men’s penises as large because they are seen from the front. Don’t fall for the hype on lotions, potions, stretching exercises, or surgery; one can’t reliably and safely increase size, any more than one can increase stature. She should learn not to comment on it except favorably; he should learn not to give it a second thought. The few cases where male genitalia are really infantile occur in conjunction with major gland disturbances and are treatable but rare. All the above reassurance also applies to vaginal size. Few women are too small; lubricate, add lots of foreplay, wait until she has “ballooned” through arousal before penetrating. So long as she isn’t hurting; in which case stop instantly; a tight woman gives the man extra-intense feelings. Nor is any vagina too large: if it seems a loose fit, switch to a posture in which her thighs are pressed together; from behind for best effect. Long term, do Kegel exercises (see pompoir ) to keep muscles toned; though lots of sex works just as well and she will enjoy it more. Apart from postpartum stitching, surgery to tighten the vagina is usually a reflection of lack of confidence on her part or inappropriate demands on his. Genital anatomy probably fixes which postures work best for a given couple, but no more than that. With rare exceptions, men and women are universally adapted. The only practical exception is in the case of a very big penis and a very small woman, in which case she should be careful on top, or she will knock an ovary (which feels very much like accidentally knocking a testicle does for a man), and he should avoid thrusting too hard until he knows he won’t hurt her. As to the size of other structures, such as breasts, these may be individual turn-ons, but every build has its sexual opportunities built in: use them. Foreskin. Cutting off this structure is possibly the oldest human sexual ritual. It still persists; for cultural as well as supposed health reasons. Some believe that cancer of the penis and cervix is rarer when it’s done (a myth) or that it slows down orgasm (for which there is no evidence.) It probably doesn’t make very much difference, either to masturbation or to intercourse; one normally retracts it anyway for all these purposes; though if he doesn’t have one, there is a whole range of covered-glans nuances he can’t recapture. Holding the skin back hard with the hand (her hand) during intercourse works for both the circumcised and uncircumcised as an accelerator, and offers a sensation of its own. Women who have experienced both are divided; as they are over which looks sexier. Some find the circumcised glans “neater” and are even turned off by an unretracted prepuce as looking “feminine,” while others love the sense of discovery that goes with retraction. If he is uncircumcised and she prefers the other, he can retract it; if vice versa, simply find other amusements. In terms of function, it’s probably there for immunological protection and helpful for lubrication; the high density of nerve endings doesn’t harm either. While in the area, a word about the frenulum, the “little bridle” that connects the underside of the glans to the shaft. It is sensitive to stretching; it’s probably this that creates the sensation during up-and-down hand work; and circumcision may tighten it or sometimes remove it altogether. If it’s intact, try lubricating with your thumb, massaging frenulum and little finger directly on it circling smaller and smaller. Flick across with the tongue and apply sustained pressure while he simply relaxes. Reserve this technique, however, until he is ready to come more or less instantly. In sum, the circumcised man isn’t at any important disadvantage (or advantage), but many people prefer to be able to choose their egg with or without salt, and let their children do likewise. Scrotum. Basically, a sperm factory. The testes produce sperm; the scrotum is the control device to keep them producing it at the right temperature, moving up when he is cold and down when he is warm. No need to panic at asymmetry; it’s normal for one testicle to be smaller and for the left one to hang slightly lower; though extraneous lumps or pain should be checked out immediately. It’s also a highly sensitive skin area, and needs careful handling, since pressure on a testis is highly painful to its proprietor. Gentle tongue and finger work or cupping in the hand is about right, or try a fingertip along the visible center line and gentle teasing on the perineum between scrotum and anus. She can take it right into her mouth. Semen. There is no lovemaking without spilling this, on occasions at least. You can get it out of clothing or furnishings either with a stiff brush, when the stain has dried, or with a dedicated cleanser designed to remove blood. If you spill it over each other, massage it gently in. If you want a very copious ejaculate, he can masturbate nearly, but not quite, to orgasm about an hour beforehand to increase prostate secretion. If his semen tastes bad, try altering his diet, and if that makes no difference, get a checkup; it can indicate health problems. She may like to know that an average ejaculation delivers about five calories and a dose of vitamin C. Skin. its coolness, texture, and tightness are triggers far a whole range of sexual feelings. This is our chief extragenital sexual organ; underrated by men, who concentrate on the penis and clitoris; better understood by women. She says: “The smell and feel of a man’s skin probably has more to do with sexual attraction (or the opposite) than any other single feature, even though you may not be conscious of it.” Skin stimulation is a major component of all sex. Not only its feel when touched, but its coolness, texture, and tightness are triggers for a whole range of sexual feelings. Built in; the so-called erogenous zones are the ones most rich in nerve endings; lips, earlobes, feet, buttocks, breasts as well as genitals. Sensitivity will vary; for both according to mood and for her according to menstrual cycle. But it can be boosted in some people by emphasis, and by adding other textures, especially fur, rubber, leather, or tight clothing. Much underrated part of human sexual response, to be played to the full if it turns you on (see friction rub, pattes d’araignee, and tongue bath; use these to educate your own and your partner’s skin.) Lubrication. Most natural lubrication comes from her; the male equivalent kicks in only just before orgasm, which is far too late. The normal excited vagina is correctly set for friction; if she is too wet, dry gently with a handkerchief-wrapped finger (not tissues; you will never stop finding the bits.) But don’t try to de-lubricate with lotions or potions; they can lacerate the vagina. If she is too dry; it’s normal for many women; it’s likely because she is not sufficiently aroused; simply take the time and put in the effort. More lasting dryness can be due to stress, infections, medication, depression, hormonal ups and downs, and some medical conditions; see a doctor. If more lubrication is needed, saliva is the best natural one. There is also much to be said for the many commercial possibilities offering added sensation, smells, and tastes, though note that oil-based ones destroy latex condoms, silicone-based ones destroy silicone sex toys, and some anesthetize. Be particularly sure to use lubricant if he is penetrating anywhere that doesn’t naturally oblige; breasts, armpit, anus. To be continued. based on the works of Alex Comfort and Susan Quilliam, for The New Joy of Sex.

The New Joy of Sex: Part 2. A private performance of fine arts. 2008, based on the works of Alex Comfort and Susan Quilliam. Listen to the podcast at How To Sex. The antique idea of the woman as passive and the man as performer used to ensure that he would show off playing solos on her, and early marriage manuals perpetuated this idea. Today, she is herself the soloist par excellence, whether in getting him excited to start with, or in controlling him and showing off all her skills. Solo recitals are not, of course, necessarily separate from intercourse. Apart from leading into it, there are many coital solos; for the woman astride, for example; while mutual masturbation or genital kisses can be fully fledged duets. Solo response can be electrifyingly extreme in the quietest people. Skillfully handled by someone who doesn’t stop for yells of murder but does know when to stop, a woman can get orgasm after orgasm, and a man can be kept hanging just short of climax to the limit of human endurance. The solo-given orgasm, whether from her or from him, is unique; neither bigger nor smaller in either sex than a full duet but different; sharper but not so round. And most people who have experienced both like to alternate them. Trying to say how they differ is a little like describing wine. Differ they do, however, and much depends on cultivating and alternating them. Top-level enjoyment doesn’t have to be varied, it just often is. In fact, being stuck rigidly with one sex technique usually means anxiety. In this book we have not, for example, focused on coital postures to the exclusion of all else. The common positions are now familiar to most people from writing and pictures if not from trial; the more extreme ones, as a rule, should be spontaneous, but few of them have marked advantages. This explains the apparent emphasis in this book on extras; the “sauces and pickles.” That said, individuals who, through a knot in their psyche, are obliged to live on sauce and pickle only are unfortunate in missing the most sustaining part of the meal; exclusive obsessions in sex are very like living exclusively on horseradish sauce through allergy to beef; fear of horseradish sauce, however, as indigestible, unnecessary, and immature is another hang-up, namely puritanism. One of the things still missing from the essence of sexual freedom is the unashamed ability to use sex as play. In the past, ideas of maturity were nearly as much to blame as old-style moralisms about what is normal or perverse. We are all immature, and have anxieties and aggressions. Coital play, like dreaming, may be a programmed way of dealing acceptably with these, just as children express their fears and aggressions in games. Adults are unfortunately afraid of playing games, dressing up, and acting scenes. It makes them self-conscious: something horrid might get out. In this regard, bed is the place to play all the games you have ever wanted to play; if adults could become less self-conscious about such “immature” needs, we should have fewer deeply anxious people. If we were able to transmit the sense of play that is essential to a full, enterprising, and healthily immature view of sex between committed people, we would be performing a mitzvah: playfulness is a part of love that could be a major contribution to human happiness. But still the main dish is loving, un-self-conscious sexual pleasure of all kinds; long, frequent, varied, ending with both parties satisfied, but not so full they can’t face another light course, and another meal in a few hours. The piece de resistance is good old face-to-face matrimonial, the finishing-off position, with mutual orgasm, and starting with a full day or night of ordinary tenderness. Other ways of making love are special in various ways, and the changes of timbre are infinitely varied; complicated ones are for special occasions, or special uses like holding off an over-quick male orgasm, or are things that, like pepper steak, are stunning once a year, but not dietary staples. There are, after all, only two “rules” in good sex, apart from the obvious one of not doing things that are silly, antisocial, or dangerous. One is: “Don’t do anything you don’t really enjoy,” and the other is: “Find out your partner’s needs and don’t balk at them if you can help it.” In other words, a good giving and taking relationship depends on a compromise (so does going to a show; if you both want the same thing, fine; if not, take turns and don’t let one partner always dictate.) This can be easier than it sounds, because unless their partner wants something they find actively off-putting, real lovers get a reward not only from their own satisfaction but also from seeing the other respond and become satisfied. Most wives who don’t like Chinese food, will eat it occasionally for the pleasure of seeing an Asian food loving husband enjoy it, and vice versa. Partners who won’t do this over specific sex needs are usually balking not because they have tried it and it’s a turnoff (many experimental dishes are nicer than you expected), but through ignorance of the range of human needs, plus being scared if these include things like forcefulness, cultivating extragenital sensation, o r role-playing, which previous social mythology pretended weren’t there. Reading a full list of the unscheduled accessory sex behaviors that some normal people find helpful might be thought a necessary preliminary to any extended sexual relationship. Repolishing. Couples should match up their needs and preferences (though people don’t find these out at once); you won’t get to some of our suggestions or understand them until you have learned to respond. It’s a mistake to run so long as walking is such an enchanting and new experience, and you may be happy pedestrians who match automatically. Where a rethink really helps is at the point where you have gotten used to each other socially (sex needs aren’t the only ones that need matching up between people who live together), and feel that the surface needs repolishing. If you think that sexual relations are overrated, the surface does need repolishing, and you haven’t paid enough attention to the wider use of your sexual equipment as a way of communicating totally. The traditional expedient at the point where the surface gets dull is to trade in the relationship and start all over in an equally uninstructed attempt with someone else, on the off chance of getting a better match-up by random choice. This is emotionally wasteful, and you usually repeat the same mistakes; better by far to repolish. As to practicalities, we suggest couples either read the book together or (perhaps even better) read it separately, marking passages for the other partner’s attention. This works wonders if; as is often the case; you don’t really talk easily about sexual needs, or are afraid of sounding tactless. Finally, if you don’t like the repertoire or if it doesn’t square with yours, never mind; the aim of The Joy of Sex is to stimulate your creative imagination. Sex books can only suggest techniques in order to encourage you to experiment. You can preface your own ideas with “this is how we play it,” and play it your own way. But by that time, when you will have tried all your own creative sexual fantasies, you won’t need books. Ingredients. Tenderness. a constant awareness of what your partner is feeling, plus the knowledge ol how to heighten that feeling, gently, toughly, slowly, or last. This, in fact, is what the whole book is about. It doesn’t exclude extremely forceful games (though many people neither need nor want these), but it does exclude clumsiness, heavy-handedness, lack of feedback, spitefulness, and non rapport generally. Tenderness is shown fully in the way you touch each other. What it implies at root is a constant awareness of what your partner is feeling, plus the knowledge of how to heighten that feeling, gently, toughly, slowly, or fast, and this can only come from an inner state of mind between the two of you. No really tender person can simply turn over and go to sleep afterwards. Many if not most inexperienced men, and some women, are just naturally clumsy; either through haste, anxiety, or lack of sensing how the other sex feels; so don’t grab breasts, stick fingers into the vagina, bend the penis, or (and this goes for both sexes) misplace bony parts of your anatomy. More women respond to very light than to very heavy stimulation; just brushing pubic or skin hairs will usually do far more than a whole-hand grab. At the same time, don’t be frightened; neither of you is made of glass. Women, by contrast, often fail to use enough pressure, especially in hand work, though the light, light variety is a sensation on its own. Start very gently, making full use of the skin surface, and work up. Stimulus toleration in any case increases with sexual excitement and even hard blows can become excitants (though not for everyone.) This loss of pain sense disappears almost instantly with orgasm, so don’t go on too long, and be extra gentle as soon as he or she has come. If we could teach tenderness, most of this book would be superseded. If you are really heavy-handed, a little practice with inanimate surfaces, dress fastenings, and so on will help. Strength is a turn-on in sex, but it isn’t expressed in clumsy hand work, bear hugs, and brute force; at least not as starters. If there is a problem here, remember you both can talk. Few people want to be in bed on any terms with a person who isn’t basically tender, and most people are delighted to be in bed with the right person who is. The ultimate test is whether you can bear to find the person there when you wake up. If you are actually pleased, then you can be sure that you are onto the right thing. Nakedness. The normal state for lovers who take their work at all seriously, at least as a basic requisite. They don’t so much start clothed, and shed what they must, as start naked, and add any extras they need. Nakedness doesn’t mean lack of ornament. A woman may take off all her clothes, but put on all her jewels; the only practical need, as with wristwatches, is to see they don’t catch or scratch. This is for daylight; it is difficult to sleep in them. For night, an increase in the value put on lovemaking is probably the main reason that many people now sleep naked. The only exception may be after; warm bodies tend to stick, and a blotter worn by one or other can add to comfort. Nudists used to be associated with health fanatics enjoying a strict regime of cold showers and vigorous sports. Now, thank goodness, a more relaxed attitude prevails. Today, nudity is natural, not a ritual. Organized “nudism” in most countries is a family affair. This is probably a good idea; the nudity of one’s own parents can be worrying to some children, and shouldn’t be overdone. There is, however, a lot to be said for the opportunity to look at men and women in general under unforced conditions; it is the discharge of residual anxiety of this sort about our body acceptability that probably makes group nudity so relaxing, rather than the opportunity to get an all-over tan. There is also evidence that children brought up in a naturist environment may be more responsible when faced with sexual opportunities and asked to make sexual choices. You should be able to pick a naturist club to taste; they offer facilities for open-air nakedness, which are hard to organize at home, and are universally tough on sexual advances, which makes for an almost uniquely relaxed atmosphere. Women (by her for him.) Women, like men, have direct physical responses, sure; science proves that we get turned on just as much as you and as quickly; it’s simply that traditionally we have been discouraged. But our triggers are different (breasts and skin first, please, not a direct grab at the clitoris), and can’t be short-circuited. It matters to us who is doing what, far more than it does to most men. The fact that, unlike you, we can’t be visibly turned off and lose erection often confuses men into hurrying things or missing major resources. It isn’t true that nudity, erotica, and so on; don’t excite us. Probably the difference is that they aren’t overriding things and that we don’t separate them from emotions as easily as you do. Is it fair, I wonder, to give a simple instance? You, sir, can make orgiastically satisfactory love with a near stranger in half an hour flat. But please don’t think for that reason that you can do the same for a woman who loves you personally if, at the end of the half-hour, you turn over and go straight to sleep. Granted this however, there are common reactions. Granted this difference, however, there are common reactions. We seem to be less heavily programmed than you for specific turn-ons, but once we see one of these working on a man we care about, we soon program it into our own response, and can be less rigid and more experimental because of this ability. Often, if women seem under-active, it’s because we are wary of doing the wrong thing with that particular man, like touching up his penis when, in fact, he is trying not to ejaculate; tell us if you see us at a loss. The penis isn’t a “weapon” for us so much as a shared possession; it’s less the size than its personality, unpredictable movements, and moods that make up the turn-on. We like penetration because it makes us feel close to you; but don’t feel put down if we don’t then necessarily climax through it alone (see her orgasm); work with that rather than being discouraged by it. Another important thing is the tough-tender mixture: obviously strength is a turn-on, but clumsiness (elbows in eyes, twisted fingers, for instance) is the dead opposite. You never get anywhere by clumsy brutality; however brutal good lovemaking sometimes looks, the turn-on is strength-skill-control, not large bruises, and the ability to be tender with it. Some people ask “tough or tender?” but the mood shifts so fast that you have got to be able to sense it. Surely it’s possible; because some lovers do it; to read this balance from the feel of the woman. No obsessive views about reciprocity; who comes on top and so on evens out during the passing of time: there can be long spells when we are happy to let you do the work, and others when we need to control everything ourselves and get an extra kick from seeing how we make you respond. Women aren’t “submissive” any more than men; if we have knuckled under in the past, it’s only through social pressures. If we are dominant, we don’t always act it out in bed by wearing spurs and cracking a whip. Men have a real advantage here in the constructive use of play (and can help women to act it out too.) Since we all have some aggressions, good sex can be wildly forceful, but still never cruel. As for sexual equality, nobody can possibly be a good lover without regarding their partner as a person and an equal. That is really all there is to be said on the matter. Our sense of smell is the keener. Don’t over-saturate early on with masculine odors; just before orgasm is probably the time for full odor contact. Our own smell excites us as well as yours. We learn, over a period of time, that the sort of hand and mouth work that men like varies enormously. Some like it very rough, some hate it anything but extremely gentle, others in between. There is no way for us to tell except by asking and being told; therefore it’s up to you to say what you like or you may get the opposite; remember that we love to know how to be good for you. Some men are extraordinarily passive, or unimaginative, or inhibited, and; oddly; when they are any of these things, we don’t become correspondingly forceful. We may long to do things and feel thoroughly frustrated, but we won’t show it in most cases. So a woman’s lovemaking will only be as good as her partner’s and, more important, she will resent any man who is unexciting, not only because he is unexciting, but also because she will know she has been unexciting too. Finally, you should never presume that what excites one woman sexually will work just as well on another woman. Women probably do differ sexually rather more than men, because of the greater complexity of our sexual apparatus (breasts, skin, and so on as well as pussy.) Never assume that you don’t need to relearn for each person. This is also true for a woman with a new man, but perhaps a little less so. Men (by him for her.) The most valued thing in lovemaking is "the divine gift of lechery.” We often wish that women’s sexuality was like ours, even though we know it isn’t. Our sexual response is far brisker and more automatic: it’s triggered easily by things, like putting a coin in a vending machine. Consequently, women and parts of women provide automatic sexual stimulus for us; your clothes, breasts, odor, and so on aren’t what we love instead of you; simply the things we need in order to set sex in motion and express love. You seem to find this hard to understand. Secondly, most though not all male feeling is ultimately centered in the last inch of the penis (though you can, if you start intelligently, teach us female-type sensitivity all over the surface of our skin.) And unlike yours, our sexuality depends on a positive performance; we have to be turned on to achieve an erection, and not turned off, in order to function; we can’t be passively “taken.” This matters intensely to men at both a biological and a personal level; sexual success is what makes us feel worthwhile. It explains why we are emphatically penis-centered and tend to open the proceedings with genital play, probably before you are ready and when you would much rather wait to get in the mood. Genital approach is how we get into the mood. You need to understand these reactions, as we need to understand yours. A woman’s concern about being a sex object misses the point; sure, the woman and the various parts of her are sex objects, but most men ideally would wish to be treated piecemeal in the same way. Thus, the most valued thing, from you, in actual lovemaking, is intuition of these object reactions, and direct initiative; starting the play, taking hold of the penis, giving genital kisses ahead of being asked; being an initiator, a user of your stimulatory equipment. This is hard to put in simple terms; it is what is meant by “the divine gift of lechery”; the art of sensing turn ons and going along with them for the partner’s response. It isn’t the same for the two sexes because male turn-ons are concrete, while many female turn-ons are situational and atmospheric. Remember too that we may simply be tired of having to deliver, in life as well as in bed, and your taking over doesn’t just offer us the ultimate compliment, it also gives us the opportunity to relax and enjoy. Sex may be about the only place in our lives where we get to be held and nurtured. Personal folklore apart, what the male turn-on equipment requires is the exact reverse of a virgin or a passively recipient instrument; not a demand situation, because that in itself can threaten a turnoff due to feelings of inadequacy, but a skill situation; I can turn you on, and turn myself on in doing so, and from that point we play it both ways and together. You can’t, of course, control your turn-ons any more than we can, but it helps if you have some male-type object reactions, like being excited by the sight of a penis, or hairy skin, or by the man stripping, or by physical kinds of play (just as it helps if we have some sense of atmosphere.) It’s the active woman who understands our reactions, plays on them, and leads them out while keeping her own who is the ideal lover. To be continued. based on the works of Alex Comfort and Susan Quilliam, for The New Joy of Sex.

STDs: What Are They and How Do You [not] Get Them?By Everyday Health. Listen to the ► Podcast at How To Sex. This episode deals with the following STD concerns: Chlamydia, Genital Herpes, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis B, HIV, HPV, Molluscum Contagiosum, Syphilis, Trichomoniasis, Chlamydia, Genital Herpes, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis B, HIV, HPV, Molluscum Contagiosum, Syphilis, Trichomoniasis.The number of cases of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), now more commonly referred to as sexually transmitted infections (STI), in the United States hit an all-time high in 2019, according to data released on April 13, 2021, by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). The CDC’s surveillance report shows that nearly 2.5 million new cases of gonorrhea, syphilis, and chlamydia were reported that year.Chlamydia remained the most common condition reported to the CDC, with close to 1.8 million cases, up 19 percent since 2015. Gonorrhea diagnoses reached 616,392, up 56 percent since 2015. And primary and secondary syphilis diagnoses reached 129,813, up 74 percent since 2015.Of high concern is that congenital syphilis cases, that is, syphilis in newborns, nearly quadrupled between 2015 and 2019, reaching 1,870 cases. From 2018 to 2019 the number of stillbirths caused by syphilis increased from 79 to 94, and the number of congenital syphilis-related infant deaths rose from 15 to 34 deaths.While the 2019 STD statistics reflect pre-COVID-19 pandemic numbers, preliminary data from 2020 suggests many of the same trends continued during the pandemic. Experts attribute some of the growth in STDs in 2020 to disruptions in STD testing and treatment programs caused by the pandemic.While 2.5 million cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis may sound like a lot, it’s likely an undercount: Many people with these and other STDs, formerly known as venereal diseases, go undiagnosed and untreated. The CDC estimates that nearly 20 million new sexually transmitted infections occur every year, accounting for almost $16 billion in healthcare costs annually.Inequities in STD BurdensThe numbers of STDs increased in all age groups and among all racial and ethnic groups in 2019, according to CDC statistics. However, some groups saw higher rates of STDs than others:People ages 15 to 24 accounted for 61 percent of chlamydia cases and 42 percent of gonorrhea cases.Gay and bisexual men accounted for nearly half of all primary and secondary syphilis cases.Here’s what you need to know about how to spot, treat, and prevent STDs.What Is the Definition of an STD?“STDs are diseases that are passed from one person to another through sexual contact,” a representative of the CDC says.According to the CDC, some of the common STDs are chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2), human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), human papillomavirus (HPV), and syphilis. "Many of these STDs do not show symptoms for a long time," per the CDC, "but they can still be harmful and passed on during sex.”Virtually all STDs can be transmitted through anal, vaginal, or oral sex. In addition, some STDs can also be transmitted through close skin-to-skin contact, even if no intercourse occurs.HPV, for example, can be spread through skin-to-skin touching. In addition, “Molluscum contagiosum, a viral skin disease, can be spread through sexual or casual contact, as can scabies, an itchy skin condition caused by a mite infestation. It is also possible to get scabies from an infected sleeping bag or bed,” says Edward W. Hook III, MD, an endowed professor of infectious disease translational research in the departments of medicine, epidemiology, and microbiology at the University of Alabama in Birmingham, who works with the CDC.STDs don’t just affect the genital regions: “Oral herpes can be transmitted through oral and genital sex,” says Dr. Hook.It is important to remember that STDs may have no symptoms. However, new vaginal or urethral discharge or a new rash after sexual contact should be evaluated by a medical professional.When symptoms do occur, they can include the following:Chlamydia Symptoms of chlamydia can include vaginal discharge in women, penile discharge in men, and burning during urination in men and women.Gonorrhea Gonorrhea can cause thick, cloudy, or bloody discharge from the vagina or urethra, and pain or burning when peeing. If you have gonorrhea in your anus, it may cause itching in and around the anus, discharge from the anus, and pain when defecating. Gonorrhea in the throat may cause a sore throat.Hepatitis B Acute hepatitis B can cause fever, fatigue, loss of appetite, nausea or vomiting, abdominal pain, dark urine, clay-colored bowel movements, joint pain, and jaundice (yellowing of the skin and whites of the eyes). Symptoms can appear anywhere from six weeks to six months following exposure to the hepatitis B virus. Chronic hepatitis B sometimes causes symptoms similar to acute disease.Genital Herpes Signs of genital herpes typically include red bumps that develop into blisterlike sores in the genital area and sometimes on the buttocks or thighs. A new infection with HSV-2, the virus that causes most cases of genital herpes, may also cause flulike symptoms, including fever, headache, feeling tired and achy, and swollen glands.Oral Herpes Symptoms of oral herpes can include itching of the mouth or lips, sores or blisters on the lips or inside the mouth, and flulike symptoms such as fever, headache, body aches, and swollen glands.HIV Early symptoms of HIV infection can resemble those of the flu: fever, headache, muscle aches, and sore throat. They may also include swollen lymph nodes, diarrhea, nausea and vomiting, a fungal infection of the mouth, and a rash on the abdomen, arms, legs, or face. If HIV goes untreated, later symptoms can include fatigue, weight loss, night sweats, joint pain, short-term memory loss, and recurrent infections.HPV Most strains of HPV cause no symptoms and are detected only after abnormal cells are discovered during a Pap smear. However, some types of HPV cause genital warts, which appear as skin-colored or whitish growths on the genitals or anus.Molluscum Contagiosum Often the only sign of this skin disease is pink or flesh-colored bumps with a dimple (indentation) in the center. It is most common in children, who typically get it from skin-to-skin contact or from shared towels or similar items. In adults, it can be sexually transmitted.Pubic Lice Symptoms of pubic lice include itching in the genital area, tiny bugs in your pubic hair, and visible nits (eggs) on hair shafts. Pubic lice can also infest the hair on legs, armpits, eyebrows, eyelashes, and other facial hair such as mustaches and beards.More on Scabies and Pubic LiceHow to Know If That Rash Is ScabiesScabies This skin infestation causes intense itching that is typically worse at night. It can also cause small red bumps or a rash and raised lines on the skin where the mites have burrowed.Syphilis In the primary stage, syphilis causes a painless sore, or ulcer, at the location the bacteria entered the body, often in the genital area. In the secondary stage of syphilis, a rash may occur on the torso and elsewhere on the body.Trichomoniasis Another common STD, trichomoniasis is a parasitic infection that can cause burning and itching in the genital area for men and women as well as painful intercourse. Trich can also cause a smelly discharge and painful or frequent peeing.Can I Have an STD and Not Know It?Yes. Many STDs don’t cause any symptoms, especially during the early stages, so the only way to know for sure if you have one is to get tested. Keep in mind that you can get an STD from having sex with someone who has no symptoms and may not know they have an STD.Are Adolescents Disproportionately Affected?The CDC reports that half of newly reported cases of STDs occur in people between the ages of 15 and 24, noting that young women’s bodies are biologically more susceptible to STDs.“Chlamydia and HPV are common as soon as you become sexually active,” Hook says. “Gonorrhea and genital herpes peak in the late twenties to thirties.”All STDs, though, including HIV, can and do occur at any age.When and How Often Should I Get Tested?“Women should be tested for chlamydia on a regular basis. Some gynecologists test for it automatically, but not all do,” Hook says.Chlamydia Treatment and PreventionTesting for chlamydia, gonorrhea, and trichomoniasis involves collecting either a urine sample or a swab from the vagina or penis.For other STDs, including HIV, syphilis, and genital herpes, blood testing is most accurate.To test for HPV, a sample of cervical or anal cells must be collected.How often an individual needs to be tested for STDs depends on their level of risk for infection.The CDC recommends the following for testing for chlamydia:Annual screening in sexually active women age 25 and younger and in older women who are at an increased risk for infection because of a new sex partner or multiple sex partnersAnnual screening in men who have sex with men, based on exposure history, with more frequent screening in people at the highest riskScreening in all pregnant women at their first prenatal visitAnnual screening in sexually active people living with HIVThe CDC's recommendations for gonorrhea testing include the following:Annual screening in sexually active women who are at risk for infection, which includes women ages 25 and youngerAnnual screening in men who have sex with men, based on exposure history, with more frequent screening in people at the highest riskScreening in all pregnant women under age 25 and older women who are at an increased riskAnnual screening in sexually active people living with HIVThe CDC's recommendations regarding screening for syphilis include these guidelines:Screening in all pregnant women at their first prenatal visitAnnual screening in men who have sex with menAnnual screening in sexually active people living with HIVThe CDC has additional recommendations for other STDs.In all cases, more frequent screening or screening for additional STDs may be appropriate for certain individuals, depending on their risk factors, including sexual behavior and how common a particular disease is in their area.Where Can I Get Tested for STDs?Your family doctor or ob-gyn should be able to do STD testing. In some areas, other options include specialized STD or sexual health clinics.You can find locations in your area that offer fast, free, and confidential testing using the CDC’s Get Tested tool.How Can I Protect Myself From Getting an STD?Abstaining from all sexual contact is the only way to reduce your risk of STDs to zero. But the following measures can also help:Having only one sexual partner, and ensuring that person is monogamous too, lowers your risk of STDs.Proper use of a condom every time you have sex greatly reduces the risk of all STDs.Getting vaccinated against hepatitis B is the best way to avoid this viral infection. The hepatitis B vaccine can be given to people of any age.Getting the HPV vaccine protects you against strains of the virus that cause genital warts and cervical and other cancers. The HPV vaccine is routinely available to people ages 9 through 26. It is additionally approved for adults ages 27 through 45 but not routinely recommended. Adults age 27 or older who believe they would benefit from HPV vaccination should discuss it with their doctors.What Are the Treatment Options for Common STDs?Some STDs are curable with medical treatment, while others can be managed to control symptoms and reduce the risk of transmission.These STDs can be cured with antibiotics:ChlamydiaGonorrheaSyphilisTrichomoniasisSTDs that can be cured with insecticides include the following:Pubic liceScabiesMinor surgical procedures such as cryosurgery (freezing) or laser surgery can treat certain STDs:Genital warts caused by HPVMolluscum contagiosumSTDs that can be managed with antiviral medication include these infections:Chronic hepatitis BGenital herpesHIVWhen precancerous cells caused by HPV are found on the cervix, treatment may include watchful waiting or surgery to remove the abnormal tissue.Does Having One STD Make You More Likely to Get Another?“Having one STD does not predispose you to others, aside from the behavioral risks shared by all STDs,” says H. Hunter Handsfield, MD, a professor emeritus of medicine at the University of Washington Center for AIDS and STD in Seattle, who also served on the board of the American Sexual Health Association.“However,” says Dr. Handsfield, “having genital herpes due to HSV-2, but not HSV-1, roughly doubles the risk of HIV if sexually exposed to the virus.”What Happens If STDs Are Left Untreated?“The longer something goes untreated, the more likely it is to cause complications,” Hook says. “Left untreated, infections from gonorrhea and chlamydia can travel from a woman’s cervix to her uterus and fallopian tubes, which may cause infertility.”Untreated syphilis "can become neurosyphilis, causing neurological disease,” says Suzanne Fenske, MD, an assistant professor of obstetrics, gynecology, and reproductive science at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City. Late-stage complications of syphilis also include aortic aneurysm and other cardiovascular problems.Untreated HIV can impair the immune system’s ability to fight off infections and diseases, leading to so-called opportunistic infections, neurological complications, and sometimes cancer.Untreated chronic hepatitis B can lead to liver failure, cirrhosis, liver cancer, and death.Failing to treat STDs can have risks for future generations as well. Women who have herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea, or syphilis can transmit the infection to their baby at birth, which is why testing for STDs; and following safer sex recommendations; during pregnancy is so important.HIV can also be passed from mother to child during pregnancy, labor, or delivery, but the risk of transmission can be reduced if the mother takes antiretroviral drugs throughout her pregnancy and the baby receives HIV medicines for several weeks after birth.Complications of STDsDoes the Number of Sexual Partners Affect My Chances of Getting an STD?“As a broad rule, more partners means higher risk,” Handsfield says. “However, there are innumerable exceptions. Some people have 100 or more partners per year and remain free of most if not all STDs. Others have one or two partners and multiple infections over time.”The bottom line is to use condoms or dental dams (small sheets of latex) to lower your risk and discuss STD testing with your medical provider if you are sexually active.Can STDs Recur?A curable STD that has been treated correctly will not recur, but it is possible to get the same STD again. In fact, it’s fairly common. To avoid getting the same STD again, your sexual partner, or partners, must also be treated. And to avoid getting the same or other STDs after treatment, practice safer sex, including using condoms each time you have sex.The good news is that getting infected more than once does not appear to cause more long-term complications.“In women, a second or third infection with chlamydia may raise the risk of complications like pelvic inflammatory disease,” says Handsfield. “But for the most part, people with multiple episodes of STDs do not fare any worse than after the first infection.” Chlamydia: Often a Silent DiseaseMany people don't realize they have chlamydia because they don't experience symptoms. That's why the condition is often called a silent infection. But untreated chlamydia can cause serious complications in both men and women, including ectopic pregnancy in women. To prevent such complications, young women and men at high risk of chlamydia are advised to get tested for it yearly.Genital Herpes: A Lifelong InfectionAn easily transmitted disease, genital herpes is caused by a virus that stays in the body for life. The infection can cause painful sores to form on the genitals, thighs, or buttocks, but the severity of symptoms ranges widely from no symptoms at all to recurring sores, painful urination, and flulike symptoms. Medication can prevent or shorten outbreaks, as well as lower the chance of passing the virus to a sexual partner.Gonorrhea: Still Curable, but Antibiotic Resistance Is a ProblemGonorrhea is highly contagious and, like chlamydia, may cause mild or no symptoms. If left untreated, though, it can cause serious complications, including pelvic inflammatory disease in women and epididymitis in men. While gonorrhea is curable, some strains of the bacteria that cause it have become resistant to most antibiotics.As of December 2020, the CDC recommends a single 500-milligram (mg) intramuscular dose of the antibiotic Rocephin (ceftriaxone) for uncomplicated gonorrhea. Treatment for coinfection with Chlamydia trachomatis with oral doxycycline (100 mg twice daily for seven days) should be administered when chlamydial infection has not been excluded.Hepatitis B: Disease of the LiverHepatitis is an inflammation of the liver, and the hepatitis B virus is one of several viral causes of hepatitis. There are also nonviral causes. In the United States, infants have been routinely vaccinated against hepatitis B since 1991, and the rate of acute hepatitis B in the United States has plummeted since then. Worldwide, however, chronic hepatitis B infection is common.HIV: Incurable but PreventableHIV is a virus that attacks the body's immune system, impairing its ability to fight off infections and diseases over time. The final stage of HIV infection is called acquired immunodeficiency syndrome, or AIDS. AIDS is a life-threatening disease. You can reduce your risk of getting sexually transmitted HIV by using condoms correctly and consistently.Just about everyone who is or has been sexually active has had HPV at some point. In most cases, the virus clears up on its own, but when it doesn’t, it can cause genital warts and a variety of types of cancers, depending on which strain of the virus you have. The Gardasil 9 (HPV 9-valent) vaccine protects against both warts and cancer and is approved for adolescents and young adults.Molluscum Contagiosum: May Clear on Its OwnThis viral infection can be sexually transmitted or spread through contact with infected skin or contaminated objects, such as towels and toys. It can also be spread from one area of the body to another by touching a lesion then an unaffected area of skin. In many cases it goes away on its own, but treatments are available if it doesn’t.Syphilis: Life-Threatening if Not TreatedSyphilis is a bacterial infection that is growing more common in the United States, particularly among men who have sex with men. It can be cured with penicillin or, in the case of a penicillin allergy, other antibiotics. Left untreated, syphilis can affect the heart and brain and be life-threatening. Syphilis that is passed from mother to infant (congenital syphilis) is also a severe, life-threatening condition.Trichomoniasis: A Parasitic InfectionTrichomoniasis is more common in women, particularly young women, than men. The parasite that causes trichomoniasis can infect the penis or vagina but not the mouth, anus, or other body parts. While symptoms of trichomoniasis may raise a medical provider’s suspicions, a definitive diagnosis requires a laboratory test.By Everyday Health. Listen to the ► Podcast at How To Sex.

 Recklessness ruptured my plumbing, and permanently curtailed my sex life. By Anonymous. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex. I Fucked up. I am writing this mainly because there is not a lot of information about this particular injury Around October of last year I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I thrust too hard at the wrong angle and tore my Urethra and two blood vessels in my penis. When the injury first occurred I was close to climaxing. Because of this, when the injury happened and the blood vessels and urethra were torn, blood started mixing into my urethra. I was cumming bloodI was not in pain but I could feel that my dick was not pointing in the right direction and turned on the lights, blood was everywhere and pouring out of me at an alarming rate (think you’re cumming but it doesn’t stop and its blood) At this point I’m panicking and yell out that I need to go to the hospital immediately. I throw on loose pants without zipping them up, a hoodie, and grab a towel to soak the blood that’s coming out. Then me and my girl go to the hospital. The hospital near me specialized in bodily injury and doesn’t have the type of urologist doctor that I need to see, so I have to drive 30 minutes away to the closest hospital that has a Urology department. Once I get to this secondary hospital, I am immediately taken in and put into a room of my own once they see my dick; and about an hour later I see a Urologist who runs some tests and tells me about the ruptured urethra and blood vessels.  I need surgery. The surgery is a process called “de gloving” where they “de-glove” the skin around your penis, roll it down, and make an incision into the underside of the skin and go in and stitch up the torn vessels and urethra, these are dissolvable stitches and they stay in your penis until they go away on their own. About 8 hours later I actually went into surgery, I don’t remember anything. I was wheeled into the operating room and the anesthesiologist cracked a dumb joke, and then I was out. I woke up with my penis wrapped up in bandages and a catheter in me. If you have never had to use a catheter, count yourself lucky. I was told I needed to keep the catheter in for 10 days. These were the longest 10 days of my life. If you asked me what the pain was on a scale of 1-10, it was 7 with the opioids, and 11 without them. Any little movement with my penis and I got searing pain. Wearing any type of clothes was out because I just could not take it, I was pretty much naked during those ten days. Anytime the catheter twisted? Pain. Anytime I had to roll out of bed to go get something from the fridge? Pain. Worst of all? Erections. As the men reading this will know, erections are not really voluntary, we just get them sometimes. Morning wood is a real thing and its not controllable. Want to know what getting an erection feels like when you have stitches in your dick and a catheter? Worse than words could ever explain.  I woke up screaming three times a night. I would tear something and I could see the stale blood along the catheter as my erections came and went. The blood became crispy, and if I didn’t clean it when it happened, the next erection would be 5 times as painful because it would grow along the stale, sharp leftover blood on the catheter. I quickly learned how to kill erections, but it was still really bad. I’m actually leaving out some details because I’m not fully recovered yet and the phantom pain comes back as I’m trying to recall it. As of today, I have the catheter out and can walk around again, but erections are still painful, I imagine that will go away in the next few weeks. Yes, You Really Can Fracture a Penis shaft — Here's What That Means Proceed with caution if you're squeamish. BY SOPHIE SAINT THOMAS - 2018 There are a lot of sexual myths out there, but doctors confirm that broken penises aren't one of them. Remember when Lexie Grey supposedly broke Mark Sloan's penis back when all our favorite characters on Grey's Anatomy were still alive? Nope, Shonda Rhimes wasn't making that up. While there aren't actually bones in the penis, a penile fracture is a real-life injury. We spoke to several urologists to learn how it happens, what a broken penis looks like, and how to treat one. What exactly is a fractured penis (often known as a "broken dick")? First, a quick refresher on what inside a penis can break in the first place: A penis contains two chambers of tissue called the corpus cavernosum, which fill with blood when the penis becomes erect. Blunt force to an erect penis can tear the sheath surrounding these chambers (and even rupture the erectile tissue inside) so that the blood inside leaks out to other areas of the penis. If you need another visual, Alex Shteynshlyuger, a urologist in New York City, says to think of this covering less like a bone and "more like a sausage casing." (Doctors, however, call the covering of the corpus cavernosum the "tunica albuginea.") How do penile fractures happen? A penis can be broken during vigorous penetrative sex or through masturbation. When this happens during partnered sex involving a penis and vagina, "generally speaking, the penis will come out of the vagina and strike against the pubic bone," says Leslie Deane, an associate professor of urology at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago. While a penis can fracture during sex in any position, research suggests that Female on top, or rear-entry positions such as ‘reverse cowgirl’ or ‘doggy style’ may lead to penile fractures more often than ‘missionary’ or ‘spooning.’ A penis may be more likely to exit a vagina or anus entirely when thrusting from behind and then, instead of reentering, bang against something hard like the perineum. (If you're an anal sex beginner, it's important to take things slow. Deane says penile fractures aren't uncommon, and that he sees several cases a year. He adds that he observes higher rates of the injury around Valentine's Day and that alcohol is sometimes involved. What does a broken dick look like? According to Stacy Loeb, an assistant professor of urology and population health at New York University, a penile fracture may be accompanied by a popping noise, a rapid loss of erection, and acute pain. "The penis may develop swelling and bruising, referred to as an 'eggplant deformity,'" Loeb says. This means that the eggplant emoji isn't totally off-base as a representation of dicks: It just looks like a broken one. Shteynshlyuger adds that some penile fractures lead to bleeding from the tip of the urethra and that patients may notice blood in their urine. If you're having fun with a penis that suddenly "pops," goes soft, and causes its owner immense pain, seek medical attention immediately. You might have a broken dick on your hands. How is a broken penis treated? Still reading? Good, because there's some positive news: If treated, broken dicks stand a great chance of making a full recovery. Unfortunately, Deane says, surgery is required in most cases. While there are less severe penile injuries that can occur during sex, such as a tear of one of the superficial veins, the only way to know for sure what's going on is to head to the emergency room. It's also important to do it fast: "Surgical repair of the tear usually results in good outcomes," Shteynshlyuger emphasizes. However, "If a penile fracture is severe and not treated in a timely manner, it can lead to problems with obtaining or maintaining erections, [or] it may also cause scar formation in the penis and a condition called Peyronie's disease, which causes curvature and deformity of the penis." After surgery to repair the ruptured "sausage casing" inside the penis, the recovering patient should be able to have sex again in about six to eight weeks, although Deane advises going slow at first. This doesn't mean that wild, headboard-rattling sex is off the table after a penile fracture, but it's not a bad idea for patients to ease their way back in. Hard Flaccid Syndrome A rare condition that affects some men, is called Hard Flaccid. They have a stiff, but smaller-than-erect cock. It’s painful, inhibits real erection, prevents ejaculation, and has constant pain which increases during urination. Our best investigations conclude that it comes from a likely combination of muscle injury coupled with an anxiety or stress disorder. Many people manifest stiff muscles under stress. More often it’s neck, back, or chest muscles.  But rarely it’s the pelvic floor muscles which connect the pelvic bone to the tailbone. When women do Kegal exercises for better vagina constriction, they are working those same pelvic floor muscle groups. But when a physical injury leads to muscle spasms, like common back injuries cause, The spasms can lead to a precipitous chain of other ‘self preservation’ conditions. The Hard Flaccid Syndrome is believed to be just such a ‘perfect storm’ chain of events. Let’s hear from a few men who are dealing with this, and what their progress entails. ‘Old Will’ said; “I had Hard-Flaccid for about two years. Low labido, cold penis, glands sometimes had white spots. Then for about 8 months I practiced relaxing, worked on my anxiety and anger issues and it all over time went away. I started off on anxiety meds and that's when I noticed hard-flaccid getting better. Suddenly it hit me that the only thing I hadn't thought of was managing my anxiety. I was on that for about 2 months. Then when I got off the meds it started to get a little worse but I figured, if it was really anxiety that caused it, then I needed to calm down, and stop obsessing over it. I mean, I was absolutely obsessed with curing my hard flaccid. So, I just stopped looking into it. I stopped looking for cures online. I made the decision to just enjoy life for a change, better myself and not think about all this all day. And slowly, it just returned to normal. When I first really started taking my mental health seriously, which was about 8 months ago, and the true beginning of my recovery process I lifted weights about 5 days a week. I wouldn't call myself heavyweight lifter. I did light moderate weight lifting. But I haven't been to the gym since November. I plan on going back. I'm a firm believer of exercise improving body and mind.  I masturbated during my healing process. I do think it would have made things move along a little faster, if I didn't masturbate at all, but I figured it was worse if I stressed over it. So, if I was gonna masturbate, I was going to enjoy it and have no regrets about it.  I know how difficult this is for people so I wanted to share my story and hope it helps many of you.” ‘Whirl Mind’ responded;  “Mine likely developed from a lot of sitting, possibly bad diet for a few days or spicy food that led to minor constipation/difficult bowel movements, and general stress that increased clenching. Who knew I could injury myself by crapping too hard? Not totally sure though and I’m still in a minor flare, softer down there today though. Mine also went away pretty much completely for about 2 weeks recently, without sticking to any routine. I’m noticing some pelvic floor inflammation and extra pain at the base as of a few days ago and the HF has returned but in a more minor way. Hoping I can get over this again and also trying to work on my anxiety. My condition had suddenly turned into the thin & weightless “long flaccid” and it freaked me out at first, but after 5 days or so of that I pretty much just accepted any variance in that as good and got myself into a positive feedback loop. Note that I am an extremely high-strung person and this wasn’t easy but I was so desperate that it was imperative that I just let go. So pushing everything surrounding this shit to the back of my mind but also staying afloat on any positive changes like better hang, better fullness temporarily etc. I think this mental state was and is a huge part of the condition to focus on for most people but also a big reason why it is so fickle. I don’t know if something in particular in terms of lifestyle or diet caused this recent return to HF but I do know that my anxiety surrounding the condition was a little worse for a few days this week. I can clearly feel the issue of dysfunction at the base which seems to stem from my IC and BC muscles, because when the both the Hard-Flaccid and Long-Flaccid states leveled out and I was feeling good and much closer to normal I still dealt with many of the muscular symptoms, or what I’m assuming are muscular. Anxiety can be so hidden in our psyche and I’ve literally watched it, like a switch going on and off, effect at least the peripheral symptoms of this condition. I’ve practiced no-fap, which means abstaining from jerking off; mainly as an experiment but my erection quality is astounding at this point in time. As anxiety is dealt with, libido should increase as well as Erection Quality in the absence of a more severe issue. The uncertainty of this condition is so hard to deal with, and with some firmness & tightness down there, now present again.  I’m seriously trying to get a grip on my anxiety and will probably do some light stretches. For me personally I found that sometimes getting into a routine all to fix HF would make things worse since I was so fixated on it, so if anything I’m trying to find a balance with everything. Keep in mind I never stuck to any routine and was somewhat inconsistent, the change to Long-Flaccid happened so suddenly while I was just trying to sleep, and in pain; and the improvements that followed seemed to only come with time, working on anxiety and trying to live without thinking about this condition.” Gunz GotBunz added his encouragement; “Your symptoms are my symptoms, and I found that after being completely calm, and using the relaxation & mindfulness techniques every day, it was so easy for my wife to stimulate me my penis was so long and hard! I felt the glory of Rome that day! But alas that was but once. Anxiety always takes a toll on the body, and the more I achieve mindfulness the better and bigger my erection gets!” Numb Penis: What’s Going on and How to Fix It! By Dugan You’re watching a hot sex scene, getting it on in your backseat, or you’re taking a little “me time” with your favorite website, and, well, you notice things aren’t happening down there. What’s going on? It could be something called penis numbness. There are quite a few reasons a man can be the bewildered owner of a numb penis. Read on to learn how penis numbness reached you and then how to get him back up and at ’em! 1) Penile Injury – Known also as penile traumas, penis injuries can cause penis numbness . A penile injury damages the blood vessels, which are essential to a healthy penis because they bring the blood that produces an erection. Lots of things can hurt a penis, such as rough sex, too much masturbating, using a too-tight grip for self-pleasure, sexual aids, and group sports. 2) Neuropathy – Neuropathy is when a limb or appendage goes numb. This numb penis is often the effect of an illness or condition but can also be the result of the regular pinching of a nerve (say in the hip area). Neuropathy wears 2 masks. One time it feels like a cold numbness, and the next time it feels like pins-and-needles or lightning shooting through the penis. Medical conditions such as diabetes, obesity, lupus, multiple sclerosis, and some cancers can cause neuropathy. 3) Peyronie’s Disease – Peyronie’s disease is a condition in which the penis has a curve of more than 20 percent. In addition to being a painful disease, Peyronie’s disease has been associated with loss of penile sensation in some men. The scar tissue that causes Peyronie’s can be less sensitive than regular tissue, resulting in loss of genital sensation. 4) Lifestyle – Lifestyle is a big part of health, but it’s often the thing people are most reticent to change. Diet and exercise are significant factors that need to be addressed if there aren’t already healthy behaviors in practice. Stress can also make the problem worse, so be sure to incorporate stress-reduction techniques into each day. Changes in lifestyle have been shown time and time again to yield big results. Penis Power: How to Get It Back! Want a more-sensitive penis? In most cases, a man can regain sensitivity with a little dedication and a little help. Here are a few ways to breathe life back into a man’s boner. Address the root disease if it’s the cause. Work with doctors and therapists to first treat the disease and then treat the symptom, not vice versa. Whole-body health should always be the number one focus. Wear looser pants and underwear to give the big guy some space and not have to spend the day hugging fabric, which desensitizes it. Spend some time each day letting it all hang out in a personal space. A little air also prevents too much contact for the penis. More movement – sitting all day can deaden the nerves in the pelvic basin. Get up every hour or two to give them some freedom. Don’t go too hard, or too often, when sexing it up. For men who cycle, get a padded bicycle seat cover and padded shorts to reduce the hard compression against the nerves for prolonged rides. Proper penis care can also preserve sensation and decrease the chances of penis numbness. Lightly, but thoroughly, wash it with a gentle cleanser and warm water, then rinse and air dry. Use a reliable skin treatment oil, like Shea Butter, Almond oil, or other safe moisturizer. Avoid lotions with harmful ingredients. All of it gets absorbed into your organs, and can be toxic. Sex lubricants that might be fine for a woman’s internal organs, may be terrible for a man’s external organ. Water-based lubes evaporate very quickly, especially with rapid stroking. If your lover is stroking you hard, and the once-viscos lube, is now a tar-like glue, It can not only tear your very thin cock skin, but it can also lead to bursting internal cells inside your shaft or glans. This post is part of the How To SexPodcast. Subscribe in your favorite apps.

Fundamentals, Types and Roles, Safety Rules, and More By Nuna Alberts, LCSW. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex. If you’ve ever fantasized about getting kinky in the bedroom, you’re not alone. The runaway success of E. L. James’s Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy of books; the three top-selling print and e-books in the United States between 2010 and 2019; not to mention the sales of the movies they generated, prove that interest in BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism) is anything but rare.BDSM can involve role playing, sensory manipulation, and more. Here are a few popular ways enthusiasts like to get kinky! Prevalence: How Many People Practice BDSM? Further proof: Nearly 47 percent of women and 60 percent of men have fantasized about dominating someone sexually, while slightly more women and less men are aroused by the idea of being dominated, according to a 2016 study. The same study also found that almost 47 percent adults would like to participate in at least one nontraditional type of sexual activity, and 34 percent said that they’d done so at least once in the past. No wonder if you search the phrase “BDSM” on Google it will return more than 500 million results. By comparison, the phrase “missionary sex” returns about 163 million results. The History of BDSM: Not So New Explore a little more and you’ll also discover that BDSM is nothing new. Among BDSM’s historical high points: Art and texts from ancient Greece and Rome show physical pain being used as an erotic stimulus, per the book An Illustrated History of the Rod, by William M. Cooper, first published in 1868. The Kama Sutra, the revered Sanskrit text on sexuality written in India about 2,000 years ago, describes six appropriate places to strike a person with passion and four ways to do it. It also has chapters titled “Scratching,” “Biting,” and “Reversing Roles.” The Marquis de Sade, a French aristocrat who lived from 1740 to 1814, wrote a variety of erotic novels and short stories involving being beaten and beating others. Eventually the author’s name gave rise to the term “sadism.” Similarly, the term “masochism” is derived from the name of Austrian nobleman and author Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, whose 1870 novel Venus in Furs describes a dominant-submissive relationship. Back in 1953, a Kinsey Institute study found that 55 percent of women and 50 percent of men were aroused by being bitten. And even pre-Fifty Shades of Grey, 36 percent of U.S. adults reported having had sex using masks, blindfolds, or other forms of bondage. Is BDSM Still Considered a Medical Disorder? At one time, mental health experts were dubious about whether those who practiced BDSM were mentally healthy. But the American Psychiatric Association took a huge step in destigmatizing kink with the release of the current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) in 2013. For the first time ever, the guidelines drew a clear distinction between consenting adults who engage in sexual behaviors outside the mainstream, such as BDSM, and those who force others to engage in those behaviors without consent. That means simply experimenting with, say, whips and chains, is no longer a sign of mental illness that by itself “justifies or requires clinical intervention,” the manual states. There are true sexual disorders that are similar in theme. Sexual sadism disorder, for instance, involves inflicting physical or psychological pain on another for the purpose of sexual pleasure. And sexual masochism disorder involves deliberately involving yourself in a situation in which you are humiliated, beaten, or abused for the purpose of sexual excitement. The difference between these two disorders and BDSM is consent, in the case of sexual sadism disorder, and that BDSM does not go to the degree of causing significant distress or impairing function, in the case of sexual masochism disorder. The Psychology of BDSM: Why Are People Drawn to It? Most of the available evidence shows that the majority of BDSM enthusiasts are mentally healthy and typical in every respect except that they find traditional (“vanilla”) intimacy unfulfilling and want something more intense. “People always ask if it’s normal to be interested in BDSM,” says Michal Daveed, a spokeswoman for The Eulenspiegal Society, a nonprofit organization in New York City that describes itself as the “oldest and largest BDSM support and education group” in the country. “Normal is a funny word to describe a really widespread and diverse humanity. If your definition of normal is how many people are doing this, it’s way more people than you may think,” says Daveed. “And if your definition of normal is ordinary, the BDSM world is full of ordinary people whose sexuality happens to be hardwired a particular way.” One landmark 2008 study backs Daveed up. It found that people who engaged in BDSM were more likely to have experienced oral sex or anal sex, to have had more than one partner in the previous year, to have had sex with someone other than their regular partner, and to have taken part in phone sex, visited an internet sex site, viewed an X-rated film or video, used a sex toy, had group sex, or taken part in manual stimulation of the anus, fisting, or rimming. However, they were no more likely to have been coerced into sexual activity and were not significantly more likely to be unhappy or anxious. Indeed, men who had engaged in BDSM scored significantly lower on a scale of psychological distress than other men. “Our findings support the idea that BDSM is simply a sexual interest or subculture attractive to a minority, and for most participants not a pathological symptom of past abuse or difficulty with ‘normal’ sex,” the researchers concluded. “BDSM is a healthy expression of sexuality,” says Filippo M. Nimbi, PhD, a researcher at the Institute of Clinical Sexology and in the department of dynamic and clinical psychology at Sapienza University, both in Rome. Dr. Nimbi is also the coauthor of a study that compared 266 consensual BDSM practitioners to 200 control subjects who described their sex lives as traditional. (10) Echoing the earlier study, the researchers found that the BDSM group tended to report fewer sexual problems than the general population. “People engaging in BDSM are usually people who have thought a lot about their sexuality,” Nimbi said. “They have explored and faced their sexual boundaries. Basically, they know what they like, and they do it. This has a positive outcome on their sexual experiences and on the overall quality of their lives.” Many people think it’s a pathology or a perversion to, say, want to be spanked hard and to be happy about that, he added. “We each develop our erotic fantasies from our different tastes, experiences, and curiosities, beginning in childhood and lasting until the end of our lives. Everyone is different. We can develop the same fantasy from different stories, and we can develop different fantasies from the same stories. Some people find in BDSM a way to be free, to get wild, to let go, and to play a different role from their everyday lives. And if they get satisfaction and respect the ‘rules,’ why should it be abnormal?” The Physicality of BDSM: Why Does It Feel Good? Patti Britton, PhD, MPH, cofounder of the credentialing and training institute Sex Coach U and a past president of the American Association for Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT), as well as other experts are quick to point out that seeking the pain-pleasure connection is not unique to the BDSM community. Think of athletes who push past physical comfort to experience a “runner’s high,” or people who chase thrills by engaging in dangerous extreme sports, like skydiving. Think of the bliss that aficionados of super spicy food experience when biting into a pepper sets their mouth on fire, or the rush of fear that riding a roller-coaster or watching a horror movie can bring. “The same chemical cocktail of endorphins, dopamine, and other hormones that make those experiences pleasurable to some makes BDSM actually quite wonderful to others,” says clinical sexologist Francesca Gentille, coeditor of The Marriage of Sex & Spirit, and host of the podcast Sex: Tantra & Kama Sutra. “I like to compare sexual preferences to taste in food. Most of us don’t like bland food, but we have a range of how spicy we like it.” Common Questions & Answers What does BDSM stand for? BDSM is an acronym that stands for bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism. Why do people like BDSM? In the past, it was thought that BDSM might be a sign of unhealthy sexuality. But increasingly, even medical professionals say that BDSM is a healthy expression of sexuality. Erotic fantasies that fall into this category develop from different tastes, experiences, and curiosities that develop in childhood. What is a rigger in BDSM? A rigger is someone who, in engaging in BDSM play, ties rope for bondage purposes. What is a brat in BDSM? A brat, in the context of BDSM, is someone who misbehaves toward the dominant party in the BDSM scene being played out. Is BDSM illegal? BDSM occupies murky territory, legally. The foundation of BDSM “play” is consent between the parties engaging in it. However, you cannot legally consent to be tortured or assaulted. And what seems to be “play” to some may appear differently to others. Roleplaying and BDSM: The Variety Is Endless Doctor and patient. Teacher and student. Roleplaying is a common aspect of BDSM “play.” It may involve two or more people who “act out” a particular scene or fantasy. BDSM roleplay can happen in person or virtually. It almost always involves at least one individual being dominant and another being submissive. It may be simple, or it may be complicated enough to require a script. And actual sex is not the focus. “The core of BDSM is the psychological part,” explains Mistress Damiana Chi, a dominatrix in Los Angeles who holds a PhD in clinical psychology. (She asked that her real name not be used, citing privacy concerns.) “For BDSM to be real, it has to involve an exchange of power with a lot of trust and respect. The couple has to decide which role they want to play, the dominant one or the submissive, and it’s that dynamic that creates erotic intensity.” Common themes for BDSM role play include: Kidnapper and victim Law enforcement and prisoner Owner and pet Royal and commoner Most Recent While chains and whips might excite Rihanna (as she proclaims in the hit song ”S&M”), it’s wrong to think all manifestations of BDSM involve inflicting extreme pain. The range of erotic expressions that fit under its umbrella is huge. At one end there’s “light” BDSM, which includes activities like tickling, using a blindfold, tying your partner to the bedposts with silk scarves, slapping their rear playfully, and making verbal demands, such as “Call me Sir” or “Call me Madam.” No pain. No force. Just playful and pleasurable. At the other end of the spectrum is “hardcore” BDSM. This can include whipping, caning, binding with ropes, dripping hot wax directly on the skin, and hundreds more forms of erotic expression, many of which you might find impossible to imagine. “There are universal themes, but I’ve seen things that have shocked even me, not because they were unsafe, but because they were so infinitely creative,” says Dr. Britton. Asking to have clothespins attached to your tongue. Being mummified with plastic wrap so that you’re completely immobilized. Living as a submissive wearing a leather collar while serving a dominant partner. Yes, there are people who choose these activities — the key word being “choose.” “There are two essential things to know about BDSM,” explains Britton. “It is always voluntary, and the reason people do it is because it feels good. There’s something about transcending pain that can be almost a spiritual experience,” she adds. “It releases the self from the body. I’ve had people tell me, ‘the more my body is restrained, the freer I feel.’” Common forms of BDSM play include: Bondage (restraint or restriction) Wax (dripping hot wax on the skin) Impact (spanking, slapping, caning, flogging) Sensation (using tools such as feathers, a paddle, burlap, on the skin) Sensory deprivation (blindfolds, earmuffs, ear plugs) The Importance of Communication, Consent, and Using Safe Words How can having someone strike you, perhaps to the point that you cry out in pain, not be abuse? “Consent is the magic word,” says Nimbi. “While mainstream sexual encounters also stress the importance of consent, consent often takes the form of an unstated, implicit assumption based on perceived behavioral displays of interest or willingness,” note University of British Columbia psychologists Cara Dunkley, PhD, and Lori A. Brotto, PhD in a 2019 paper. “The BDSM community takes consent further, demanding explicit rather than tacit consent.” In a dominant-submissive “scene,” for instance one in which one person is going to be flogged, it’s standard practice for the “dom” or “top” and the “sub” or “bottom” to first negotiate at length and then contract, often in writing, what the sub is definitely willing to do, what he or she might be willing to do, and what is absolutely off-limits before they begin to “play.” They also must agree on a safe word or gesture that the sub can use at any time to stop the action. That means that if there’s any potential for pain, both players are aware of the rules and of their own limits. Ironically, it also means that the sub actually has more control of the scene than the dom, since he or she defines the parameters and has the power to stop the action at any time, for any reason. “There is no community on the planet more committed to the concept of consent than the BDSM community,” says Valerie White, a lawyer and founder of the Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund, a nonprofit advocacy and education group based in Sharon, Massachusetts. “Of course, you can come across a rogue, just as you can in any group. But if anyone crosses the line, they are cast out so quickly it would make your head spin to see it.” Common safe words include: Red Pineapple Banana Peach Safe and Risk-Aware Kink: How to Try It Safely at Home If you’re planning on trying kink at home, experts advise going to a class, reading a book, listening to a podcast, or checking out informational videos on YouTube before trying anything other than light BDSM at home to see and learn how to engage in this type of erotic expression safely. “You have to learn this,” says Britton. “You don’t just go to Home Depot and buy a rope and tie your husband up. BDSM play is not random. It’s not built on spontaneity. It’s built on anticipating a set of behaviors that are negotiated beforehand.” “People playing at home without training is dangerous,” says Gentille, who spent four years as a collared submissive at home with a dominant partner in a relationship. “You can’t, for example, just leave a person alone in a room, tied up and gagged, and expect it to go well.” Social Etiquette and BDSM It might sound contrary, but there’s most definitely a code of behavior with regard to practicing BDSM properly. If you’re thinking about trying BDSM at a social gathering, often dubbed a “play party,” which can be an informal gathering hosted by someone or an organized event, you’ll need to do some prepping beforehand about the social mores. Can you touch someone else’s toys? How do you handle consent? Can everybody play? Learning the ropes before you go will ensure that you have a good time. The BDSM Terms You Need to Know BDSM also has its own language to describe who takes part, how they take part, and how things work. Among common terms you’ll encounter in this world are: Bondage and discipline Dominance and submission Male dominance Male submission Female dominance Female submission Sadism and masochism BDSM and the Law: What You Need to Know The legality behind BDSM is murky. Legally, for instance, you cannot consent to be tortured or assaulted. And, to the outside eye, some BDSM activities can appear to fall into that category. So, for example, if police raid a BDSM event and see activities that they object to, they can charge the participants even if there is consent. While it’s unlikely you’ll encounter a problem, especially in the confines of your own home, it’s good to know the lay of the land, legally. And there are special cases — like custody battles — where people need to know how this kind of information can be used in court. BDSM: Beyond Taboo Of course, while BDSM is not for everyone (Britton herself identifies more as vanilla than kink), there is more and more recognition that it is 100 percent normal to fantasize about it. What’s more, given the reclassification of BDSM and related behaviors in the DSM-V and the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon, it’s easier than ever to explore those fantasies in real life without shame, if one desires to. One sure sign that kink is becoming less and less taboo: The Harvard College Munch, which brings together students with interested in kinky sex, is now recognized by the university as an official campus group. (12) “It’s very out in the culture right now, but it’s not fully out of the shadows yet,” says Gentille. “People are still embarrassed to talk about sex. What they discover when they dive a little deeper into it is that in BDSM you actually get to talk about what you like, what you’re curious about, and what is a definite ’No.’ It’s clear, overt, and collaborative and that can feel delightful. And if you like it, if you have control over what happens, it’s all good fun.” Speaking BDSM: A Glossary of Terms Used to Describe BDSM Curious about BDSM? Here’s the lowdown on the vocabulary you’ll need to ask questions and learn about it. By Julie Lynn Marks BDSM enthusiasts have created an entire vocabulary around their lifestyle. If you’re interested in exploring BDSM (bondage/discipline, domination/submission, sadism/masochism), you’ll need to understand BDSM terms. The glossary below will make it easier for you to parse the technical terminology as well as the not-so-scientific vernacular — aka, slang — you’ll need to speak BDSM. Aftercare When a scene is over, aftercare is the emotional and physical care that’s administered, usually by a top. Proper aftercare may be used to prevent a drop. Age Play When participants take on an older or younger role. BDSM An umbrella term used to describe a sexual practice that involves the use of physical control, psychological power, or pain. It typically includes the components of bondage and discipline, domination and submission, or sadism or masochism. Bondage and Discipline A type of BDSM practice that incorporates bondage (tying, binding, or restraining someone) and discipline (punishing a submissive partner when they break a rule). Bottom The person in a scene who follows the orders and receives the sensations. Breath Play A form of play when one participant controls their breath. This may include choking or holding the breath. Consent Agreeing to certain acts in a BDSM scene or relationship. Practitioners believe that consent is what separates BDSM from assault. Contract An arrangement that outlines the rules and structures of a BDSM relationship. It may be written or oral. Dom A dominant role, often referring to a male. Domina A dominant who is female and embraces a feminine gender role — sometimes called a Domme or Dominatrix. Dominance and Submission (D/S) A term for the behaviors or rituals that a submissive person follows in a BDSM relationship. In D/S, one person usually has power over another. Dominant A person who has the authority in a BDSM relationship or scene. Drop The physical or emotional exhaustion that takes place after a scene. Both tops and bottoms may experience a drop. Crying, feeling sad, and physical shaking are all signs of a drop. Dungeon A location where BDSM play takes place (usually in a person’s home or at a club). Dungeon Monitor A person (or group of people) who supervises BDSM activities at a club or play party to make sure the acts are safe and consensual. Edge Play BDSM acts that are considered more intense or dangerous, such as breath play. Female Dominance When a woman takes the dominant role in a BDSM relationship or scene. Female Submission BDSM activity in which a woman submits to a sexual partner. Fetish An obsession with a specific experience, body part, or object. Fetish Wear The clothing worn by those who practice BDSM (usually leather attire or other role-playing costumes). Gender Play A type of BDSM play when an individual in a scene takes on the role of the opposite gender. Hard Limits An activity that a person in a BDSM relationship absolutely won’t do. A hard limit can’t be negotiated. Impact Play A type of BDSM play that involves striking the body. This can be done with a hand, paddle, cane, whip, flogger, or other instrument. Kink Nonconventional sexual practices. BDSM is often referred to as kink. Master The person who has control over a slave in a consensual master-slave relationship. Male Dominance BDSM acts when the dominant partner is a man, also called maledom. Male Submission BDSM activities when the submissive participant is a man, also referred to as malesub. Masochist An individual who likes or becomes sexually gratified by their own pain or humiliation. Munch An informal meeting or party, often at a public place, where people interested in BDSM can mingle. Play A term used to describe the BDSM acts themselves. Play Party A social gathering where guests can engage in BDSM activity. Pro Domme A woman who is a professional top and dominant. Protocol A rule or rules that people practicing BDSM agree to follow. Role Play When one or more people take on a different identity during a scene. Examples may include teacher-student, doctor-patient, or boss-employee role plays. Sadism and Masochism This subset of BDSM involves inflicting pain or humiliation for the purpose of pleasure or sexual gratification. Sadist A person who enjoys or becomes sexually aroused by inflicting pain or humiliation on someone else. Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) This phrase describes what the BDSM community considers ethical behavior. Kink enthusiasts stress that activities must always be safe, sane, and consensual. Safe Word An agreed upon word or phrase that a bottom, sub, or slave can say during a scene to stop the activity or session immediately. Some common safe words are “red,” “red light,” “pineapple,” and “banana.” Soft Limits A limit that’s more flexible than a hard limit. It might be an act that a person is hesitant to perform but may be willing to try. Scene The actual BDSM activities or encounters that take place. Slave A person who gives up total control of one or more parts of their life to a master. Submissive Someone who submits to a dominant person in a BDSM relationship or scene. Submissive can be shortened to sub. Switch A person who sometimes plays a top and sometimes plays a bottom in a BDSM scene. Top The person who performs the BDSM acts in a scene. Topping From the Bottom When a bottom tries to control a scene even though it was agreed that the top would be in charge. 24-7s When individuals in a relationship engage in some form of BDSM at all times (24 hours a day, 7 days a week). Vanilla Sex Used by people in the BDSM community to label sexual behavior that doesn’t involve kink.  This post is part of the How To Sex podcast. Subscribe in your favorite apps.

 Weird Hormones and suppressed fetishes can make expecting, a delight. By various parents. Listen to the podcast at How To Sex. A young and frisky married couple is contemplating having a baby. They’re seeking advice on lots of things, but the question that came to us is; “What is sex like, during pregnancy and after?Some details are straight-forward and answers are easy. Like; It’s rare for an obstetrician to recommend any limits on sexual intercourse, and in those rare situations, Couples can utilize their other means of sexually satisfying each other’s cravings. What a medical professional can’t tell you, is how your morning sickness and late term discomfort will take a toll on your libido. And then there are other hang-ups, like knowing your child is fractions of an inch from where daddy’s parts are rubbing mommy’s parts. Pregnancy does amazing things to a woman’s complexion, and bustline. That usually draws her man’s attention. But the last weeks of pregnancy have common discomforts. But after delivery, her vagina needs a break for about 6 weeks.  Couples sometimes have to put effort into getting back in the grove of sexual intimacy, only this time a baby can interrupt anything. So it’s especially important to have great sex before a seasonal post-partum drought hits your sex life. Well, we’re going to give you lots of perspectives, for couples who’ve been through this unique phase. Enjoy! Here’s what some experienced folks said; First trimester it sucked. I was chronically sick, didn’t feel sexy, couldn’t orgasm , it was horrible. Second trimester a switch flipped , my vagina became engorged with blood , I feel tighter , hornier , wetter. I want my man now. I’m just blessed I have a homey who goes through this crazy cycle with me because now it feels so good and I can’t get enough of him but the first trimester sucked InternalLevel  Fun. It forced my wife and me to explore a lot of new positions and techniques. I also got a lot better at oral because toward the end of pregnancy that was the easiest way for her to have an orgasm due to being limited to only a few positions. Adventurous_Mind  With my first pregnancy it was great. I wanted to do it a lot of the time and could climax with just penetration what until that point had never happened before. Eventually, by week 34, PGP kicked in and there was nothing until 6-8 weeks after my c-section. My third pregnancy was the opposite, I had severe morning sickness/nausea till week 15-16, then hardly had any sex drive till week 25 when I had a persistant pelvic pain and it was physically impossible to do it anymore. I can count on one hand how many times we had sex between finding out I was pregnant at 3 weeks gestation till 20 weeks after my c-section. Complete Honesty  When my woman was pregnant - it was top tier sex. I Would recommend, if you’re partner is down for it! Raven heart  I was in the mood all the time with all 5 of my pregnancies. The drawback is, after I had each one; my libido went on an extended vacation for a years or so, so I’d have to fake it, fake interest, fake the orgasms, all of it. Then with pregnancies 4 and 5, each orgasm would cause my uterus to contract, even at 6 weeks pregnant it happened, making me not really want the orgasms. Odd shit boys mom  I was in Japan for much of the pregnancy of our first son. I was home for our 2nd son’s pregnancy. I think I'd rather have been back in Japan! The wifey was insatiable! Monday thru Friday, at 5am, wham bam thank you ma'am! 5 Pm, wham bam thank you ma'am. On the weekends, it was thrice per day. Same with our third, a baby girl! done good  I Dunno. I guess I was too gross for my hubby to even want it. He never tried. But the do-it-yourself release was epic. Automatic_Plant  It was Tiring when she got a high sex drive spell. Oh, God! She had a honey spell for a whole week. I was right tired all week Prairie Chocolate  Didn’t have it, husband stayed the fuck away from me, we only did it a few times during pregnancy and it was awful, especially at the end when trying to go into labor, I felt like a beached whale Creep in cupcake  Best sex of our marriage, her sex drive finally matched mine, she gets a little thicker, her breast are engorged and plump, and I could leave it in and fall asleep. Its probably why we had 4 kids, now that I think about it. Definition Primary  Once I hit the second trimester, I was a total horn dog! Plenty_Trouble  Pretty bad honestly. We tried once or twice but I had this mental block that I could hurt her or the baby, even though I know it's very unlikely. Some people have a pregnancy fetish or aren't bothered by it at all; but I'm not one of those people. Made me feel super guilty whenever my wife was horny. neil  Some of the best sex I’ve had. The only time I’ve ever gushed. spagooter and mash  My wife and I were going at it constantly, almost every day!  Anonymous  My libido is a little higher. Although during the later months of pregnancy some positions are off the table. Boog Tot  You can nut in her as much as you want! Fire  Much, much better until that last trimester. Then it was a struggle, uncomfortable, and orgasms gave me terrible Braxton hicks. But yeah, for those first two trimesters; cannot get enough. almost always except  Wife is pregnant with twins. She's more horny than she's ever been. Amazing sex! mario z  It Depends. With the First pregnancy, first trimester sucked, second one was great, third, I was horny as hell but sex hurt so bad. So I basically kept dragging my husband into the bedroom, convincing him I would be ok, and then regretting it once we started . With the Second pregnancy, first trimester was ok, but second and third were phenomenal. I dunno what happened, but all the stars aligned and my libido was only beaten by my newfound sensitivity. Husband had a blast too. Goose G  Unfortunately, almost non-existent with my partner. Lots of masturbation One Curious Yogi  The positions were hard but it honestly feels so much better after I got pregnant and had the baby. Couldn't understand what the hype was about before. Not that it didn't feel good before either, just wasn't nearly as good as it is now. Flat worm  Absolutely best! She had this extra blood flow down there and as a result all the labia and all that were way more puffy than usual. The sensation was phenomenal! mg macius  Non existent. He refused to do it. And then would lay next to me when he thought I was asleep and jerk off. I was so huge I couldn't even touch myself so I was just miserable both pregnancies. Chemical_Reality  My wife is always really shy and would tell me the next day that she wanted to wake me up in the middle of the night and make love. I kept saying “why didn’t you?” mighty jor  It was great, and I swear having sex like every day, or every other day throughout the pregnancy, is what kept me from having any tearing when I gave birth both times.  Until the last two weeks before I gave birth, then it got super painful so we had to stop then. But otherwise it’s wonderful. I also was not a squirter before I ever got pregnant. And then after I got pregnant with my first baby, I started squirting and I’m thankful that was something that stuck around after the pregnancy. Capital_Search  I loved it. I already like curvy women which my wife is. So all the extra curves that come with pregnancy, drove me wild. Super sweet as well. norml enough  I considered myself to have a higher-than-average sex drive prior to pregnancy, so my husband and I were curious just how horny I’d be once I was pregnant given what I’d heard from other women. Turns out: not horny at all. Libido went back to baseline within a month postpartum, thank god, but I had less than no interest in sex during pregnancy. My husband also thought my pregnant body was super sexy, so that was a pretty big bummer for him c dubs b  During my wife's first pregnancy, I wanted nothing to do with it once she got a bigger belly, not because she wasn't attractive, more just fear. She basically had to pin me down a few times and beg me to do it. tim 28  I always felt like I had to pee. Even if I just peed. It’s like my bladder was being squeezed from both sides. Honestly not ideal. Human 420  From a man’s perspective; it was weird, but for some reason my woman was 10 times more beautiful when she was pregnant, almost like her skin had a certain glow, hard to explain.  I was very happy about becoming a father, but regarding sex; I wasn't exactly thrilled all the time, when she wanted it.  But with her hormones going amok i didn't mind too much, plus getting her to the point of orgasm was a lot easier when she wasn't pregnant. I barely had to do anything. Well Okay  I was super horny during my third pregnancy. Around month 3-4 we were going at it and I started bleeding. After a call into the doc she said get to the er and get checked out. They did an internal ultrasound and it took forever to find the heartbeat. We thought we’d lost the baby. It traumatized my husband a lot. They found the heartbeat thankfully and all was well, but we had to take a break from sex for a while. Once I was given the all clear to go ahead again by my doctor, husband didn’t want to have sex at all during pregnancy. The final 5 months of pregnancy and the 6-8 weeks after, waiting for my post-partum check-up and birth control to kick in was fucking torture for me. It took a year and a half after she was born to get our sex routine back to normal. Paranormal_Shithole  Yea, my wife was super horny all the time. While it was awesome, it actually almost broke my penis. I had to ask my Commanding Officer if we were going to the field anytime soon, so I could give my Peter a rest. I was gone two weeks for field exercises, (I’m a Marine) worst mistake of my life.  She jumped my bones not even 10 secs into getting home from 2 weeks out in the desert of California. I had to wrestle her off me so I could at least go shower first. She joined me in the shower. Then I didn't get any electrolytes for the next 6 hrs. My tummy was rumbling, and she didn't care. I swear by the next morning I looked like a corpse. Don’t let a heavy pregnant woman ride cowgirl at high-speed, bucking bronco fury! One slip on the drop and Peter goes to E R. Papa Marine  It varied each pregnancy. We had amazing ones with lots of orgasms. And one pregnancy where it hurt literally so bad that we had to stop doing it all together, for like 4 months in a row! Oh, and in the end, I had one position; the ‘stranded whale’ position. Ya know, where you’re so big you can’t do any positions other than looking like a stranded whale! Bubbly-Butterfly  My ex-wife was not interested in sex while pregnant with both of our kids. After a while she just wasn’t into sex at all; So maybe it wasn’t the pregnancy’s fault? I think I could count the times we had pregnant sex on one hand. I took care of myself a lot during that time. I’m not trying to get anyone else pregnant, these days flock-of-bagels  I ended up with an even higher sex drive than usual. Amazing until I got to 36 weeks; and then overnight, everything got so uncomfortable, it became a complete impossibility to have penatrative sex. Key-Statistician  First pregnancy my wife was super horny and I wasn't really. Second pregnancy was the opposite. Sad story. francesco  I’m currently 7 months along. In my 1st trimester, I didn’t want much sex because of the nausea. But from roughly 14 weeks or so to the present, I crave my hubby constantly. The sex is amazing! I happen to want it more in the middle of the night, or mornings, or both! Hubby had to set a time limit of acceptable times to wake him up during the night though; so he is able to go back to sleep before work. Which I respect . Palpitation Future  My wife was a sex maniac. Plus, I didn't have to pull out before the blast of jizz. Best 9 months of my life! ian j  At 39 weeks, I miss sex but I have no drive, which is just as well because the last time we did (like, a month or two ago), it was so uncomfortable I couldn't get there. And I'm even more swollen and sore now. I can't wait for this to be over, I keep telling the baby, "Get out!" lynn  It was amazing. Preggo boobs are the best! Pregnancy with my girlfriend enhanced our sex life. Her hormones were all fucked up so she wanted it a lot and I was thinking; “Hey, I don't have to pull out anymore.” Life was good. Mortico  With my first pregnancy, sex was great. The hormones made everything more intense and certain positions worked easily until quite late in the pregnancy. I was hoping to repeat the experience in my second pregnancy; but having a toddler to care for while growing a second one, made me so tired that my husband barely ever saw me awake after the first kid fell asleep.  I don't have many memories from my third pregnancy, to be honest. jan in am  For some reason my wife wanted it all the time while pregnant. I think more for “I’m still sexy validation than anything.”  Another thing, sex was fine but her cunt had a different smell, not bad but different. Sorta like I had a ‘fill-in’ sex kitten. bemest  We're about 6 months along at this point, and my husband hasn't been able to even contemplate sex since we found out. He's a bit over-protective of the fetus. He doesn't like it when I poke my belly because the baby mightn't like that. I'll occassionally admit to him I'm sexually frustrated, and he agrees he is a bit, too. But he just can't. He explains he knows everyone says it's safe, but what if? Would you ever forgive yourself if something happened to the baby because of sex? Just not worth it. HaveFetusNotSex  My wife is pregnant right now. The sex is great other than dodging the baby bump. Most men find their wife to be just as, or even more beautiful when they are pregnant. Plus it’s always amazing to not have to, ah, pull out. Boose  Sucks, to be honest. My orgasms caused immense pain, Braxton Hicks and a very hard stomach from a very angry baby in my uterus.  Worst thing is, I'm so fucking horny all the time, but I have no interest in dealing with all the suffering during and afterwards. It's hard to find an angle that doesn't hurt, and the gunk that comes out over the next few days is absolutely disgusting and worrisome. Plus, I’m too heavy and bulky. I can't find the right position. I get tired and sore too quickly. Pristine Princess  My wife was super horny up until 3rd trimester. 5 stars, Product surpassed expectations, service was amazing, and she came faster than expected! Yes, I would reorder, and recommend to others! Maleficent-Lion  I think we actually triggered labor. I was full term, as it all started about 6 hours post coitus. I'm sure I read somewhere that women who have had frequent orgasms while pregnant, tend to have more efficient labors, as it gives the uterus a bit of a contraction workout. Not to mention the strengthening of your pelvic floor muscles, to help with labor and the recovery. Anonymous  I’m the guy, and my girlfriend is preggers with #2. Man! Her fucking is absolutely amazing. Her cunt has always been wet, don't get me wrong; but as I'm fucking her now. She will literally spurt her female juices all over me, and the bed. Her orgasms are so much more intense. 2Leauxkey  I had zero interest in sex while pregnant. My body honestly didn’t feel like my own, and being pregnant felt terrible for 99% of the pregnancy. We did it when I was trying to naturally induce labor, but it felt kinda like a chore. My man also felt a little weird about poking baby even though he knows it’s irrational. So neither of us were really revving to go. hopefully romantic  With my ex-wife, after the morning sickness passed, we were in the bedroom the moment that I got home from work everyday. Into the 3rd trimester, I couldn’t keep her off of me. Although, I did have to switch my deodorant, because it was making her nauseous. Sadly, we split up. Now she’s with another guy and in her 2nd pregnancy. She told me that the guy she’s with won’t touch her. He called her fat and ugly. His loss, I guess. Rude_Device  My husband just hates preggo sex. it was HELL on us for our first baby. I was ravingly hormonal and my sex drive was insane. and he basically ran and hid whenever he knew i was in the mood, or turned me down. I was distraught a lot. He never could really explain it; muttered stuff like he didn’t like the belly in the way, or he was not attracted to the shape, or I was heavy. He admitted that even though he knew it was safe, it was just too weird for him. I think stress kills his sex drive and he was stressed about becoming a dad in his own nonverbal way. He also flipped out if i mentioned my cervix hurt, or if I had a tiny bit of cervical bleeding from sex, which is normal and not harmful. Despite that we did do it at least once or twice a month, though it was more him grudgingly doing it at my behest, to avoid a fallout. I was pretty much livid with him all the time and took the whole no sex thing personally, and we fought all the time, mainly with that being the underlying issue. I was worried it was going to last past pregnancy and that he wouldn’t be able to connect with me as a mother and wife; or worse, not connect with his child. Anyway, after baby was born, all that stuff didn’t happen, and we got back to having sex 2 weeks after baby was born, and it was good. I had no tears or other trauma, and I pretty much recovered early. Good luck, if your man has hang-ups like mine did. Maybe buy vibrators and other toys, and tell him about your sexual arousal without him. Show him the monster life-like dildo that fucks your cunt and ask him if his lovely cock is more dangerous than the  monster rubber dildo you’ve been slamming into your cunt every afternoon. dionysian  It almost killed me. From about three months ,along right up until our daughter was born, my wife was ravenous. Morning and night, weekend nooners, she could not get enough.  It took all of my strength and will, to barely keep up. I seriously wondered sometimes if I was going to survive it. Five stars and would recommend! I would choose death by cowgirl, all over again. punks mostly dead  During my first pregnancy, we both were worried it could cause a miscarriage or premature labor. Where we came up with that notion I can’t remember. We did have sex but it was slower and not as often. The second time around the pregnancy was high risk and I was sick all during the first trimester, so we didn’t have sex at all, in those weeks. But by the second trimester I was insatiable. I was never really uncomfortable because we tried different positions and improved our rhythms to make it pleasurable for both of us. Anonymous  My wife is just in her 1st trimester with our 1st baby. We have had sex once in the past month. She's pretty nauseous, but I am crossing my fingers that once she feels better, she might be more interested. I always hoped she would be a horny pregnant person, and not an uncomfortable pregnant person. Mood Shoes Pregnancy sex was the absolute best sex ever, during my first pregnancy. My second pregnancy, I was pregnant with twins and threw up nonstop for 34 weeks. I was definitely not feeling the heat that pregnancy. orange star  It was bad. I always felt like I was making my baby have sex. Zarphod  My ‘ex’ refused to have sex with me when I was pregnant. up your bum chum  The Mrs. completely turned off sex. I think we only did it twice the entire pregnancy. crush_gold  I Don't know if you worry about this as well, but my husband's distaste for pregnancy really kind of kept him from doing anything like even rubbing my belly, feeling kicks, spooning with me while holding my belly. He didnt even like me spooning him with my belly pressed to him, talking to baby thru my belly, or any of those gushy things i really HOPED for him to do. Basically I freaked out that if he couldn't connect to baby while I was pregnant he would not be able to connect when she was there, or be there for me in labor. Luckily he was a fabulous labor partner, and was a true rock for me for the 24 hours of my misery, and he was the best daddy ever! From the start, he and our daughter are inseparable and it’s ridiculous how devoted he is to her. dionysian  With my ex it was great! she was constantly in the mood, anytime we weren’t working, we were in our apartment having sex in every room. In my new marriage, we didn’t really have frequent sex before this pregnancy; and now during it, sex went down even further so. tay wil  It was like my genitals turned off. They just didn't get aroused, didn't respond to touch; nothing. I was worried I'd lost the ability to orgasm forever. Thankfully, it did come back, a few months after giving birth. High Fives For Dayz  Sexy and amazing. A lot of incredible anal stuff that she initiated, and so many her-initiated two-a-days. Very happy penis, very happy testicles, and a very happy wife. Daniel In frangible  Fucking amazing. I’m stunned I didn’t get pregnant again during the pregnancies. I’m preggo now, and despite the morning sickness it’s great. Also zero worries about pulling out or condoms. My only gripe is I don’t think I look as good, I’m plump and my face has gone dark this time. But well, I don’t have to look at me and my partner looks as good as ever. Also sex after the birth (after all the bleeding is over), is pretty good too. I haven’t asked my current man how he feels about the changes because he is a bit reserved about discussing sexual topics. My ex-husband though, felt preggo sex was the best, both with me and his current wife. The dude just had to tell me. One more thing, ladies, if you’re making your guy wait weeks before fucking (post-partum), you can still use your hands and mouth to keep him content and attentive. And he can find creative ways to pleasure you, too. Technical_Image  Me and my ex were expecting a baby boy in July 2021. She was a quite different animal when it came to sex. She wanted to do it every minute of the day, and I kept up with her for the most part. But after she had our baby, she wanted it more than I could handle. Somewhere down the line she lost feelings and we broke up. But yeah that's how it was when she was pregnant. Latinas be tripping! deadly scone  There’s three moods during pregnancy for me: ·         Horny ·         Hungry ·         Exhausted Anonymous  When my wife was told in the 9th month; that sex and orgasms were a sure fire way to get induce labor, I couldn’t keep her off of me. It was wonderful. A little extra discharge but nothing gross. Magickal Fuck Frog  I remember my wife’s Obstetrician was always insisting we have sex. She said something about it being good for the pregnancy. But we never did. Can’t do sex in front of a kid, you know. Anonymous  Both times I was pregnant, I became unable to orgasm around the second trimester, and that lasted through weaning. Sex was still enjoyable, but my drive was also way down. Oh, and first trimester I was too pukey for sex anyhow. When my drive came back, though, it came back with a vengeance. sane dragon  My ex-wife loved it. Her orgasms were multiple as well. But fucking was limited to cowgirl or from the side. It was nice, knowing that there's no more trying for a kid. unbiased asian  My husband had a real pregnancy fetish; that is, until I got pregnant . I guess he loved the glow of a pregnant woman, and the thought of sex with a pregnant woman, but he didn't really enjoy it when the time came. He was creeped out by his baby being right there. For both pregnancies, once I started really showing, we pretty much stopped having sex. Stunning_Attention   I loved it, & would recommend lotsa great sex, if you plan on having children. Oh, and it’s just so care-free! We went from that phase of being careful trying to prevent pregnancy. Then to that phase where we had a task to accomplish and sex started feeling like a mandate. But pregnancy sex with a glowing hot wife carrying your child and loving on your cock twice as often, after the nausea stage ends. Neighborhood No  My ex-wife tried to break me every day for the last six months. Independent Ok  Golly. After my 1st trimester, when I could actually hold down water and food, I was horny as hell. All I wanted was spicy food, and spicy bedroom action. fresh_momma  After the first trimester, it was amazing. My wife felt sexy (which she was!), with the raging hormones and it made the whole experience great silver fire  I Got lightly sprayed with breast milk during the latter stages. Hormones be cray! Imaginary_Moose  So good! And I swear it kept me from going past my due date. We had sex within hours of my water breaking for both of my babies. Print Own  From a man’s perspective, it was great. The hormones she was releasing (is that called pheromones?) it made me go primal. I’ve never been hornier and have wanted her as much as I did when she was pregnant. that_bearded_guy  My guy was reluctant, so I told him that after the baby is born he'll be lucky if he gets laid once a month, if at all, so he better get it while he can. Besides, do you have to have intercourse? Does he think oral is dangerous too? Do something sexual together, so you can stay connected. Merrickan Girl  My wife’s last trimester for our third/last baby girl, she was down-right forcing me at times  to make daily deposits every morning before I left for work. She was so serious, she wanted that baby out yesterday. At least that’s the urgent reason she always gave me! Anonymous  It was nice during first pregnancy. Second pregnancy, it was good up until 3rd trimester. Lightning crotch made it so that if we did have sex, any movement would be severely painful for the next 2-3 days. Wut Smith is This  Sex was Frequent. My wife was prego with twins and we’d have sex a lot more than when we didn’t have kids. There weren’t much options for positions though. Poor boy was wedged into her pelvis. Luckily my dicks not long, or he would have came out with black eyes. Health Ok  Sex was great. Pregnancy hormones sure did a number on me. I was horny 24 7, and we stayed sexually active daily until the day before labor, with both kids. Ok-Preparation  God I miss those days. Makes me want to knock her up again. Big Thisty Beast  Nothing to brag about during the pregnancy. I had early complications, so no intercourse. Just stimulation is aggravating for 20 weeks. But the first time after that post 6 week appointment. I needed a bottle of wine, first ;cause I was not prepared at all. But I NEEDED that dick. We both finished, and he was so happy and out of breath. I just started sobbing so bad. Crying like a crocodile because it was so good after like a year of blah.  Tears of joy. Such a weird experience. Fucking hormones. rosebud  Male here, and I loved it . Her tits were big and full, and she had a really healthy “glow“ to her. Best of all there was no worries about getting her pregnant any more. No rubbers or birth control of any kind; just all out natural sex . Wonderful! Dead Red  Perfect! My Husband was super super into it, and made me feel so sexy! Even though it was obvious I was huge. Perfect. Beatrix Kidd  Pretty crazy. Some ,then none, then more than I could take. In the last month she was insatiable. Afterwards it was quite a few months before she resumed. planet 1  My wife was huge and beautiful and I could not keep my hands off her. spokey man  I was on an antidepressant called Venlafaxine, the year before getting pregnant, and was unable to have orgasms because of it. Six months after no longer taking it, I still couldn't enjoy sex. I somehow still became pregnant and all of a sudden I could feel again. So it was quite lovely. I had lots of catching up to do. Holub  Been a long time for me but my wife was always craving it and the further along she got, the wilder it was. She even wanted it as she began labor, before going to the hospital. The nurses were laughing because she didn’t get ‘cleaned up’ time before getting to the hospital. I was absolutely delighted every time she told me she was pregnant, cause well you can guess. Mental-Pitch  It was great! I was a lot more confident about my body, actually. I generally really enjoyed it. It’s after the baby is born that it’s not so great, due to delivery recovery, and hormones, and a kid cock-blocking all the time. Educational_Boot Fucking awesome! With kid #5 I was a sex slave for nearly the whole time. She was always so hot so we kept the window open during the winter. It was the coldest winter in decades where we live. I never thought I would enjoy freezing my ass of so much. She was ravenous; at all hours.  nuclear_pickle  I was reluctant to do it. I Found my wife really attractive while she was pregnant, but I was genuinely worried about hitting the baby with my cock; despite it being scientifically impossible. Mysterious  It was weird. Not bad weird but the body does some crazy things. The bigger I got, the more I could feel my uterus contracting after an orgasm. It was unsettling until I called my OB and was like “Excuse me but what the fuck” or something like that. She told me it was normal and not to worry. Stay hydrated and it won’t be as noticeable. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I was so desperate to get my daughter out. Semen can start the dilation process, so sex was just a way to evacuate her from the hot tub party that was my uterus. G_Ram  My wife and I remember this fondly. Her hormones were absolutely raging and she was horny pretty much all the time. I've never had more sex than when my wife was pregnant. She was insatiable and wetter than I've ever seen her. We had to do this sideways maneuver when she got way pregnant because she couldn't breathe if she was on her back and obviously she couldn't lay on her stomach. But it worked for us. Then you can't do it for at least 6 weeks after your kid is born and you go into sex withdrawal. And my wife had postpartum pretty severely, so it was even longer after that. Cosmic Pope  I’m Currently pregnant. My hormones are raging and I feel like I'm constantly pulling my partner in the bedroom. Physically & emotionally, the hormones are going on all circuitry, so I'm loving it.  Running_zombie_  I absolutely loved it. She was so physically, hormonally and emotionally into it that the sex itself was great. Plus, a pregnant woman is just a beautiful thing, like a damn sunset. So, all around, five stars Edith Whart  Awesome. She was horned up all the time. She would wake me up in the middle of the night, ride me like a Harley, and then we’d have a midnight snack. Stupid Old  My doctor encouraged us! It's great stress relief, because being pregnant wasn't easy (at least for me). I was pretty much assured it was pretty darn impossible to harm the fetus with sex. Also, it works pretty great to bring on labor when you're 5 days overdue. So if the doc is telling me to have sex when I'm 10 months preggers, I'm pretty sure it was okay at 6 months. My sex life didn't ramp up during pregnancy; it definitely slowed down, but we still were pretty regular! And yes, you need to let your body heal after having the baby (6-8 weeks is generally the recommendation) but we got back on track after week 6 (and I had a C-Section).  The only difference is, now there is a kid in the mix so trying to find the time is so much harder (and can be frustrating when you're planning on some exciting festivities and about 5 mins in, a little someone decides to wake up early and scream until picked up). To solve this, we now plan for sex (sounds so unromantic but it really isn't). We try for at least one night a week (kiddo now sleeps 12 hours and has since 3 months - he's 9 months now) where we spend the entire evening on each other. Any other chances we get during the week are bonus - showers, early morning quickies, etc. Have faith! And seriously, if your man rejects your advances, citing fears about the baby, have a real professional talk to your husband about his fears - they are totally unfounded and it would be interested to see where he has formed them. Sofiira  The truth is that I was never much in the mood when she was pregnant. Not because she was about twice as big as usual, but because she was a fucking bitch for nine months, not that I can blame her.  nalf This post is part of the How To Sex podcast. Subscribe in your favorite apps.

Fred Requests a woman's point of view to help him understand. Then Maye weighs in with good memories and advice.By BOSTON FICTION WRITER & MayhemLass Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.Fred’s QuestionDear BFW;I've never tried anal sex before. It never appealed to me. Actually, I never have given it much thought until I perused the anal sex category here at Literotica and found it so popular.I am a bit embarrassed to admit it, but I have never even had sex doggie style either. Yes, I realize that doggie style sex is an overwhelming favorite for hordes of people but not for me. It is not that I did not try having sex doggie style, it just did not work for me; my cock did not reach far enough for me to feel like I was fucking her. I mean, really fucking her. Okay, it reached but it would not go in far enough for me to feel that feeling of deep and satisfying penetration. It felt weird. I mean, I do not have a small cock. My cock is a little bigger than average at 7". Yeah, she seemed to enjoy it, but I was not receiving the same feeling that I receive when doing it missionary style and being able to really pound her."Sorry, Honey, scoot down so that your head doesn't bang the wall."Moreover, although all the women who I have ever been with were clean, having just showered, shaved, douched, and flossed, whenever I tried having sex with them doggie style, I always received an aroma of excrement, which is a total turn off. I mean, I really do not want to smell shit when I am boning someone, and I am not even having sex with them anally; I am just trying to do it doggie style. Yet, when you start pounding away, pumping your pelvic area against her hips, you are going to get a whiff of poopies. And even if she is the most beautiful chick, that is gross."Geez, Beyonce, what the Hell did you eat last night? You smell like a 3-day-old Taco Bell."I remember growing up and that was one of the worse ranks you could say to someone about their mother."Shut up Carl! Your mother takes it up the ass."Way worse than saying that your mother wears combat boots, taking a cock up the ass was a big insult. That is, until a Greek kid moved into the neighborhood and we were playing; and then we started arguing over something stupid and one kid said to the Greek kid."You mother takes it up the ass."The Greek kid, Nick, I think his name was, shrugged and walked away because, apparently, she did take it up the ass. He probably thought the kid was complimenting his mother instead of insulting her.I remember that movie back in the late '70's, Midnight Express with Billy Hayes. He played a college student who went through Turkey hoping to score some drugs, Hashish, and deliver them back to the United States, only he was caught. Boy, those Turks fucked everybody up the ass; it did not matter if you were a man or a woman. What did he call Turkey, a country of pigs? Anyway, any time you dropped anything in that country, you were best just to walk away from it and pretend that it was not yours rather than to bend over and pick it up only to find a Turkish cock up your ass."Fred, Is that your money clip?""Hasad, I don't know who that money clip belongs to but it is not mine.""It has your name engraved on it, Fred.""Hey, Hasad, do you think that I am the only person in Turkey named Freddie?""Yes.""Okay Hasad, then, kick it over here and I'll lie on the ground with my ass to the pavement to pick it up."Anyway, call me ignorant and I am sure that I will piss off a lot of people who are into anal sex but I always thought of anal sex as a gay thing or as a Greek thing and never as a another choice selection to my sexual menu."Honey, can I fuck you up the ass tonight?""Gee, Sweetie, wouldn't you rather have a blow job?""Okay, Honey."Now that I think of it, that movie with Burt Reynolds, Deliverance, I can hear the banjo music, now, showed those mountain men fucking anything that moved up the ass."Look, Darryl, a deer. Shoot it.""Nah, let's track it and catch it. Then, we'll fuck it up the ass before we kill it and bring the meat home to Maw."Oh, and that scene in Quentin Tarantino's, Pulp Fiction where that shopkeeper takes the black dude down the cellar and he calls his friend, a cop, and they are both ready to bone this poor guy up the ass until Butch Coolidge, Bruce Willis, saved his ass with a Samari's sword. Man that was a violent movie. I betcha when Vincent Vega, John Travolta, emerged from the bathroom after taking a shit, he would have preferred taking it up the ass instead of being blown away with that sawed off shotgun by Butch. They just don't make good family movies like that anymore (lol).Actually, don't the Eskimos like anal sex? Still, they have a reason; it is fucking cold in those igloos. Who wants to take off your clothes to have sex when it is so cold that the penguins are trying to get in bed with you to keep warm? This way, the Eskimo women just inch down their seal line pajama bottoms and bang go, you are getting off. How they rub noses while having anal sex is something that I'd like to see, well...maybe not.Presently, sex to me includes intercourse, of course, oral sex, and foreplay. I can see Bubba in prison chomping at the bit not being able to wait until he can get a good behavior pass to go out of his jail cell and to use the computer in the library so that he can write me a nasty comment to this story. Yet, you know, Bubba, if you hadn't been a criminal and dumb enough to have been caught and have your sorry ass thrown in jail, then you would not have to be boning some other convict up the ass while sniffing their poopies. Matter of fact, once you are a free man and out on the street, you cannot tell me that you would rather bone a hussy up the ass instead of fucking them missionary style.I asked my girlfriend if she ever had anal sex and she said that she had it once and did not care for it. Then, I asked my sister-in-law (I have to be careful writing about my sister-in-law otherwise this piece can easily become an incest, okay taboo piece, rather than an anal piece) if she had anal sex and she said that she had. My sister-in-law was the one who wanted me to have sex doggie style with her. She liked doing it doggie style but I could not satisfy her that way. Hey, call me old fashioned. To me, fucking someone up the ass is just sex and not making love. I'd rather face the woman when I am making love to her; so that I can kiss her and suck her tits. Maybe, that's it. I'm a tit man rather than an ass man and it's rather hard trying to suck nipples when they are way on the other side while you have your cock behind her instead of in front of her where God intended Adam to bone Eve."Freddie, you're hurting me and stretching my tits all out of shape trying to pull them back to suck them while you are fucking me up the ass."Now, all the religious freaks will be coming out of the woodwork to make nasty comments to this story. Hey, if you zealots are so full of religion then you shouldn't be doing anal sex anyway. Doesn't the Bible tell you that the only time you people are suppose to have sex is when you are making babies?"Honey, can I have sex with you, tonight?""I'm sorry, Jacob, but I am already pregnant. Give me 9 months and we'll have sex again, then."Yeah, try telling that to Moses. He had like 100 kids. He must have thought he was a Mormon instead of a Jew and it was okay to have more than one wife. Can you just see Mrs. Moses, now?"Hey, Moses. Why don't you bone me up the ass once in a while instead of fucking me missionary style? I'm tired of having all these kids and with you going up to the mountaintop waiting for Jesus to talk to you and not being around to help change diapers. Moses! Where are you going with all those animals? It's raining."Okay, for a brief period, 4 years, I was in the swinging lifestyle and I took an unofficial survey of the women who I partied with (they call it party with instead of saying had sex with) and everyone one of them said that she has had anal sex. Yet, I did not find one woman who preferred anal sex to penis to vagina intercourse. Now, that's an interesting discovery, don't you think? Allow me to repeat that. There was not one woman who would rather have anal sex to having regular penis to vagina intercourse, not one."You look lovely tonight; I cannot wait to make love to you.""Why don't I just drop my panty and bend over. Then, you can fuck me up the ass and we can continue our evening without all of the sexual anticipation?""But, Honey, we are in the elevator.""So, you say that like there is something wrong with that."My friend, Bill, who was a swinger, met this woman who wanted him to fuck her up the ass. She had never had anal sex before and had always wanted to try it. Her husband, the only other guy, apparently, like me who does not like anal sex, would not accommodate her so Bill said, "Sure," he'd fuck her up the ass. Only, and apparently, this woman did not know the rules to anal sex. How could she? She never had it before. Well, before attending this house party where the swingers gathered, the woman had gone to dinner with her husband and had a big meal.Well, you guessed it. Bill was fucking her up the ass. Let me tell you about Bill. He is one horny guy and can fuck better than anyone half his age and he is 60. And he has this huge cock. Anyway, he's fucking this woman up the ass and she is enjoying herself until, suddenly...Bill is covered from his neck to his knees in her shit. She shit all over him and all over the sheets. There was shit on the carpet and on the walls. This woman must have been saving this shit up because it was everywhere. There was so much shit. The woman was so embarrassed that she hauled ass out of there with her husband and left poor Bill covered in shit. He showered and returned to the room to help the hostess clean up the mess. Now, that is a true story and you can ask Bill if you don't believe me. Bill, get in here and tell the readers about that woman who shit all over you when you were fucking her up the ass and that it is a true story."It's true.""Thanks, Bill."Now, let me end this story by writing that it was not my intention to pass judgment or to insult or to criticize anyone's sexual lifestyle. I embrace everyone's right to float their own boat so long as it is between two consenting adults. Sorry, Darryl. I am only trying to understand.So, I ask you, what is the big deal about anal sex? I'd especially like to hear a woman's point of view, a woman who not only enjoys it and looks forward to it but also who prefers it to penis to vagina intercourse, and one who is not Greek, Turkish or an Eskimo; l o l."Sorry, Paris Hilton, you are just a slut and your opinion does not count. What's that? You have a story to tell me that you want me to write about you and Britney Spears and you want me to tell everyone the real reason why Britney shaved her head? Okay. Well, I have to take off with Paris, everyone. Ciao!"How To Enjoy Anal SexOne woman's suggestions.MayhemLass answers Fred.Judging from the popularity of this category and the myriad of responses I received, I have come to the conclusion that the misconceptions and preconceived notions respecting anal sex are legendary. My impression is for the most part that a lot of men want it and a lot of women are horrified at the very thought. Generally, society has frowned on this type of sex, as reflected in derogatory remarks such as "asshole". Unfortunately, a lot of people are missing out on a great addition to their sexual repertoire.Before I go any further, I want to VERY clearly urge anyone with ANY concerns about their health to USE a condom. Even the gentlest anal sex can cause tiny nicks and scratches that could easily conduct any organisms straight into your body.The anus has a multitude of nerves and muscles which when stimulated correctly, can provide enormous pleasure. Two sphincters are obvious when a finger is inserted – the first which provides the 'pucker" with which everyone is familiar, the other, about half an inch in. The first is controlled by the individual consciously – thus you can tighten or loosen it at will. The second is controlled by the part of the brain that controls bodily functions such as heartbeat, breathing etc – i.e. you cannot control its reactions directly. Proper and gentle manipulation can be equally enjoyable for men – whose prostrate can be stimulated from the insertion of a finger in the rectum – and for women, whose G spot is readily massaged through this form of lovemaking.I would highly recommend that each individual familiarize themselves with their own bodies, exploring their own fundaments first to gauge the feeling and reactions that the insertion of a finger or object engenders.As an aficionado myself, and female, I thought it would be helpful to address the issue and give my own suggestions/recommendations respecting the introduction and enjoyment of this unique form of lovemaking. I will deal with male penetration of a female's rectum as that is what I can recommend and am familiar with.Anal sex is not something that should be introduced on a whim, nor thrust upon someone who is unfamiliar with this very arousing form of lovemaking. Ultimately, I believe that preparation and patience are the two primary ingredients of a successful introduction to anal sex.A subtle yet honest form of behaviour modification works very well in this regard. Introducing your lover by attempting to push a stiff penis up a very small area unused to intrusions from that side of the body is a guarantee of failure. Rather, start gently and carefully.Preparing Her Desire1. First, begin with oral sex – an excellent starting point as you not only have intimate access to the desired area but as your lover's arousal increases, you are provided with the opportunity to gently and subtly introduce a finger; for instance, just tickling the fundament as your tongue takes care to keep her attention focused on the main event. As your lover starts to peak, push your finger very gently within the rim – do not go too deep or you will not only most likely derail her orgasm (thus creating a very frustrated and angry lover), you will also overstep the first steps to successful seduction.Do this frequently and often, allowing her to slowly get accustomed to the feel of something tickling her anus, and in turn, linking an orgasm with the sensation of a foreign object around her anus. Done correctly, she will unconsciously begin to enjoy the extra stimulation provided by a careful finger or a warm tongue.My strongest advice – DO NOT rush it! Most of us have been taught from a young age that anything to do with the very natural functions conversant with an anus are "dirty", that anything to do with the butt is "hands off". So not only do most people have to deal with the startling reality of accustoming themselves to something foreign in their anus – even more importantly, they have to overcome societal imperatives and parental restrictions.2. Second, after your lover has become accustomed to – and learned to enjoy – non-threatening anal play, slowly begin to increase the level of your insertion. The anus does not self-lubricate, so unless your finger is sufficiently lubricated with your partner's own juices, then use a proper lubricant such as KY jelly or something similar. Providing oral sex while gently thrusting your finger in and out of her anus after she has learned to enjoy anal play is guaranteed to provide a very satisfactory and intense orgasm – thus continuing your gentle behaviour modification.At this stage, it can also be stimulating and encouraging to gently insert a finger during intercourse. This can be done in a variety of positions, the easiest being the female kneeling and the male penetrating from the back. He then has easy access to her rectum and although it can be tricky, the sensation engendered by double penetration can be seductive and immensely exciting.3. Third. After a sufficient period of time has elapsed and your lover has become accustomed to and enjoys her anus being stimulated, then you can begin preparations for actual anal intercourse.There are some basic rules and preparation that I would highly recommend if you want an enjoyable and satisfying experience with anal sex. I will list them below:• Be healthy – ensure there is plenty of fibre in your diet so that your natural functions are normal and healthy. Some individuals prefer to have an enema to ensure no fecal matter is present, but if your diet is healthy and you have emptied your bowels, I do not believe this is necessary.• Have a recommended lubricant on hand, such as KY jelly.• Be conscious at all times of your lover's responses – being aware and responsive to her reactions is crucial if both parties are to enjoy the process.4. Next, it is probably most helpful to introduce anal sex when your lover is already open, relaxed and aroused – i.e. don't START with it but consider it the culmination of a sexy, fun and enthusiastic session of lovemaking. This is also advised because due to matters of hygiene and possible cross-contamination, it is highly recommended than the penis is washed thoroughly and carefully with soap and water after anal sex. The penis must be washed both to avoid any bacteria that might cause infection in the penis, but also to avoid giving your lover any issues.Preparing Her AnusThus, assuming that you are now ready to introduce the penis, I suggest the following:1. Lots of lubrication – particularly the first few times – play with your partner's anus with lubricated fingers and warm tongue until the rectum is relaxed and open. You can lubricate her rectum during play. Then, ensure that your penis is similarly coated with a safe lubricant.2. Choosing a position which is comfortable for both of you – spoon fashion works very well especially for the first few times as it gives the woman more control – holding your penis firmly, push it gently – and I mean gently, against the lubricated rectum. A lubricated anus together with a lubricated penis almost guarantees that the spongy head of the penis will slowly push in. JUST as you enter – STOP!It should be noted at this point, that the two sphincter muscles I mentioned above now become relevant. The woman can help with the first muscle by pushing out as if having a bowel movement - that flares the anus open and gives egress to the penis. BUT, once the head of the penis has entered, the man must stop and allow the inner sphincter muscles to accommodate themselves to the intrusion. However, eager and open she is, the woman cannot control that inner muscle and must wait for her body to accommodate – forcing it at this point could damage and tear the muscles.3. Let the woman take the initiative at this point. She has to accustom herself to the feel of the penis in her butt – the sensation when first experienced can feel quite uncomfortable, as if you need to have a bowel movement. Allow her the time to relax both physically (given time, the inner ring of muscles will loosen) and emotionally, to the feel of a penis in her rectum. Allow her to take the lead, to indicate either verbally or through her body that she is ready for you to push a little more of your penis up. Again, Go Slow! As the penis is thrust up the fundament, that ring of muscles will once again tighten; allow them the time to loosen and relax as they accommodate the girth of the penis.Once the entire penis is inserted to the groin, relax and enjoy the sensation before actually beginning to thrust. The woman can flex and constrict the outer ring of muscles as she becomes used to the feel. By slowing wiggling her bottom, she can control the rhythm and make the decision when she wants her partner to push in or out.4. The feel of a penis up your rectum is immensely arousing once you have been properly prepared. There is the physical reality that the anus has a multitude of nerve endings and muscles that signal pleasure, the feel of a thrusting penis against the G spot can induce a sensation unlike any other (and can actually eventually lead to female ejaculation which will be the subject of another essay) and then the emotional reality that you are engaging in a "forbidden" pleasure can be in itself stimulating and exciting.Enjoying AnalFrom that point on, keeping hyper aware of your partner's response, you can engage in an increasingly enthusiastic bout of anal intercourse. As the intercourse continues, while the anus itself doesn't self-lubricate, the sensation and intense pleasure will ensure that the woman's natural lubrication together with the male's pre-cum mingle to form a very satisfactory and slippery lubricant which adds to the pleasure and allows intercourse to become more enthusiastic.The man, at this point, may want to reach around and stimulate the woman's clitoris manually as it is quite common for women to require a little extra stimulation.The only drawback to anal sex at this point occurs when the very exciting session has culminated and both partners have orgasmed. While it is tempting to loll in bed and enjoy the aftermath, it is crucial to wash within a reasonably quick period after sex – both the male and the female – to avoid the possibility of any infections.I would add at this point that once you and your partner have a little more experience, some may prefer to use less lubricant or dispense with it altogether. Many females such as myself prefer the rougher stimulus provided by an unlubricated penis.All in all, anal sex can be an exciting, arousing and fun addition to lovemaking.By BOSTON FICTION WRITER & MayhemLass

10 Ways To Female Climax.What Kind Of Sex Does Your Woman Want?based on a post by Arse Gratia Artis. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex. The Female OrgasmBeing a man, I'm obviously an expert on what women experience. Although I have never had a female orgasm, I have caused quite a few, and have some observations. I'm going to make a generalization here, and that is that most women, probably excluding committed lesbians, like cum and feel some thrill at getting a guy off. But this isn't about that; it's about what gets women off. And what they say when they're cumming is a whole different topic.What follows is not based upon a random sample nor a scientific study. It isn't random since it includes only women I have enjoyed, and it isn't scientific because it's just observations without analysis. Women's response is highly varied, much more so than men. Here are a few types, although they are not rigid categories; there is overlap. The Inside Girl.She likes foreplay, her clit is sensitive, but if you really want to get her off, you have to fuck her good and hard. Sometimes she cums quickly, sometimes it takes a while, but she always cums from having a cock in her. Like most women, she wants your cum inside, too, and sometimes that makes her cum. The Clit Girl.You could fuck her all day but she won't cum unless you play with her clit. If she says, "I've never had an orgasm with a man inside me," don't take it as a challenge if you ever want to do it again. Just play with her clit or do whatever she needs to get off and you can fill her with cum to your balls' content. Oral Annie.She says, and you can verify if you get close enough, that she only cums from oral. If you're into it, she can be a lot of fun and she'll usually return the favor, or at least let you fill her while she stares at the ceiling. The Sucker.She gets off on getting you off. While these women are rare, they can be a lot of fun. You may get to fuck her sometimes, but mostly she wants to make you cum in her mouth. She usually swallows, and some like facials. Beware, though, that if she won't let you see her naked she may have a good reason. Hard to Please.She takes forever to cum, sometimes to the point of, "Just cum in me." Do it. She's probably tired and needs her rest. But if necessary use a vibrator on her clit, or suck her, or whatever it takes. One variation on this is the girl who gets close, then you either stop or don't do something exactly right and she needs to start over as if nothing has happened. She tends to be demanding. The Analist.You might think a girl who likes taking it in her ass is every man's dream, and I won't deny that I enjoy it. Some women can cum from anal even without other stimulation, which is very hot. However, women are only tight there for the first couple of inches, so a deep anal fuck isn't necessarily as hot as vaginal from a purely physical point of view. Some women use this as a form of birth control. One and Done.She's worse than most men in that once she cums she loses all interest in sex. You need to cum first, then be able to make her cum or you won't get another chance. She can be fun of you're young and stay hard after you cum. While rare, these women are out there. The Squirter.For some women, squirting orgasms are the most amazing and sought-after. Not every woman experiences them, and some not very often. Others require that you keep a supply of towels handy if you get them into your bed. They're usually extremely sexual, and once you're in a relationship with one she'll probably want sex more than you. Nipplegasms.There are a few women who can cum just from nipple play. It takes a while, but from what I hear it can be amazing. One woman explained it thus: "There's a direct line from my nipples to my clit." But I didn't touch her clit until she came from nipple play. Another observation: If a woman lets you play with her breasts, she'll probably let you fuck her. The Normal Woman. My favorite, and I use the term "normal" because a lot of women seem to be in this category. She'll do it all. Suck your cock and swallow. Cum from you giving her oral. Sometimes let you (or ask you to) fuck her ass. She enjoys talking about sex, too. But what she really likes is a good long fuck that gets her off several times, and getting her pussy full of your hot cum. If you're a guy who can cum multiple times in an evening, she'll love you forever. I'm sure there are more, so feel free (so to speak) to add your comments and observations. 

Creative positions for intimacy: Standing or SittingBY THE EDITORS OF MEN’S HEALTH. Listen to the ► Podcast at How To Sex.  If you suddenly have an itch to try some new sex positions, we’re not surprised. When we recently surveyed 1,229 American men about their sex lives, a third of respondents said they’re feeling more sexually experimental now than before the pandemic began.According to Justin Lehmiller, Kinsey Institute researcher and member of the Men’s Health Advisory Panel, stress could have something to do with the widespread craving for sexual novelty. “When we’re stressed, it’s often harder to feel desire or to stay in the moment, because our mind is distracted and wandering,” Lehmiller says. “Trying something new can create this immersive experience that lets us be in the moment and raises sexual arousal.”A fun, new sex position is an easy way to immerse yourself in a sexual experience. Take a much-needed break from stressing about work or the state of the world by attempting something adventurous in the bedroom, like the many sex positions you’ll find on this list. (Don’t worry, we also included fan favorites like missionary, cowgirl, spooning, and doggy style.)Which positions should you try first? Start by asking yourself what you’re hoping to achieve by changing up your usual routine. This will guide how you approach this list of 56 sex positions, explains Ian Kerner, sex therapist, and author of; She Comes First; and, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex.If you are looking for positions to help with female orgasm, then you want to look for sex positions where he can manually stimulate her clitoris during penetration. “Most women are not going to be able to get highly aroused or have an orgasm unless there’s some kind of clitoral stimulation happening,” Kerner says.Or perhaps you want to explore elements of BDSM (an umbrella term encompassing Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism, and Masochism) with new sex positions. “Some of these positions are great for power play, where you can feel dominant or submissive,” Kerner says.Some of these sex positions are fun to try for novelty’s sake, but not necessarily ideal from start to finish. “You will likely want to mix and match positions,” Kerner says. “You can start in some of the more adventurous and highly athletic positions, but then transition into a less demanding position, where you can fully relax and feel present in the sex you’re having.”If a sex position feels uncomfortable, don’t overdo it. This isn’t a “push through the pain” situation. Just switch to something else! There are plenty of positions here to choose from.These positions are detailed in 5 chapters, which include standing, sitting, sideways, man-on-top, and woman-on-top.And we’ll need to split this topic into two episodes, because of the great variety of expressions on the list. And if we’re just not descriptive enough for those listening to the audio podcast, be sure to pull up the transcripts with detailed illustrations of all 54 positions.And now, let’s get started with the first position.Chapter 1: Standing Positions The next several positions don't even require a mattress. Often our spontaneous desires won't wait until bedtime. Let's get started.1. Stand and Deliver Also known as: The BicycleBenefits: You can enjoy the view of your penis thrusting.Technique: Men, Stand at the edge of a bed or desk while your woman lies back and raises her legs to her chest. Her knees are bent as if she’s doing a "bicycling" exercise. Grab her ankles and enter her. Thrust slowly, as the deep penetration may be painful for her.Also try: Have your woman place her heels on your shoulders, which will open her hips so her labia press against you Hot tip: Encourage your woman to play with her clitoris manually. Also, show her that she can control your penetration by flexing her thighs. 2. Standing DragonAlso known as: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Serpent Benefits: An ideal position for G-spot stimulation. Seeing the round curves of your woman’s rear tends to be highly erotic for you. Technique: Men, Stand and enter your woman from behind as she poses on all fours on the edge of the bed and arches her back to lift her buttocks. Also try: You can move your legs outside of hers, then use your thighs to squeeze her knees together, which tightens her vagina around your penis. The tightness often enhances the response for both of you. Tip for him: This position also allows you to keep both hands free for pleasuring her backside. Keep some lube handy in case she wants deep anal massaging.  3. Standing OBenefits: Ideal position for all things cunnilingus: clit sucking, rubbing, digital penetration, G-spot stimulation. Technique: Men, While on your knees, have your woman stand up-right. She should then drape one of her legs around your shoulder while you eat her out. Hot tip: Ideally, you want your woman's hands above your head. This can be accomplished through the use of some BDSM restraints. If restraints aren’t her thing, see if you can find an anchored bar or beam for her to grasp.4. Restroom AttendantAlso known as: Drop the Soap Benefits: Good for a quickie at the workplace, a party, or mid-flight. Technique: Men, Slip into a bathroom and ask her to look into the mirror while you enter her from behind. It lets you have eye contact during the G-spot-targeting rear-entry sex position. FYI: Women fantasize about this scenario. 5. Butter ChurnerAlso known as: Squat Thruster Benefits: An extra rush of blood to your woman’s head to increase her ecstasy. Technique: Men, Have your woman lie on her back with her legs raised over her head. This is not a plain Jane position! Squat over her, holding her upraised legs steady; and dip your penis in and out of her vagina. Be extra careful to thrust lightly to avoid stressing her neck—Kerner warns this position could potentially result in a neck injury. The side armrest of a sofa might help create a position similar to this with less physical exertion. Warning: Most men’s erect penises have limits to how much they can bend downward. If this position is painful, stop before your penis ruptures internally and needs emergency surgery. Also try: By removing yourself fully, you'll give your woman the extremely pleasurable feeling of you first entering her over and over again. Hot tip: Novelty ignites passion by increasing your brain's levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter linked to romance and sex drive, says biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, PhD. The Butter Churner qualifies for novelty, but you don't need to go to such extremes to sustain romance. Anything that's new and different will do the trick.6. Couch SurferAlso known as: The Lazy Susan Benefits: Convenient for a quickie and adds spice outside the bedroom. Technique: Men, Ask your woman to bend her body over the arm of a couch as you enter her from behind. She can grind on the firm but cushy arm for multiple stimulation with minimal effort. Also try: Have her cross her ankles. This will squeeze her vaginal and gluteal muscles tightly around your penis. FYI: This is safer than the Butter Churner, but similar.7. Yourself on the ShelfAlso known as: The Bicycle Benefits: “You can enjoy the view of your penis thrusting inside of your woman, and this position really allows for direct clitoral stimulation,” says Kerner. FYI: This position requires a man with enough strength to hold his woman safely, while she gyrates up and down on his penis. Technique: Men, Have your woman perch her butt right on the edge of a bed, chair, counter, or table. With you standing in front, you can enter her. Then have her wrap her legs around you. From there, stand up-right, placing your hands firmly around her back to support your woman without injuring your penis. Also Try: If you don’t have the quad and glute muscles to pull this position off, just keep your woman on the edge of a counter, table, or other furnishing, penetrating her there. Hot Tip: It’s a great way to finish having sex. Since the position is strenuous, try moving to it 30-60 seconds before you and your woman are about to orgasm. Caution: Have a safe emergency landing spot near you(bed or sofa), in case you have an injury or lose your balance. 8. BallerinaAlso called Ballet Dancer Benefits: Erotic move for quickies in tight quarters. Good option for outdoor sex. Allows for easier penetration. Your woman has control of thrusting, depth, and angle. Technique: Men, You stand facing one another. Your woman raises one of her legs up and wraps it around your buttocks or thigh and pulls you into her with her leg. Also try: If that wrapped leg gets tired, cradle it with your arm. If your woman is very flexible, lift her leg over your shoulder. Hot tip: Try this standing position in a hot shower, if you have something to hang onto. During the steamy foreplay, rub each other's entire body with a coarse scrub to stimulate nerve endings and blood flow. 9. Iron ChefAlso known as: Kitchen Confidential Benefits: Good sex position for a quickie with deep penetration. Technique: Men, Help your woman up on the counter, seated facing you, with her panties removed. She sits on the edge of the counter and wraps her arms around you while you enter her from in front. Bathrooms and kitchens are the two most popular locations for this coupling, but Dining tables and workbenches are also a thrill.A variation between The Ballet Dancer and Yourself on a Shelf; in which your woman raises her legs up and wraps them around your butt or thighs. Your kitchen counter is often the perfect height for this standing-to-seated appetizer. Tip for him: Women often fantasize about being ravaged by her man while preparing him a special meal. Watch for signals, like a scantily dressed, or suggestive-talking woman in the kitchen. Kissing keeps her cooking! 10. H2 Oh YeahAlso known as: Aquaman's Delight, Water Sex Benefits: Good for an outdoors quickie, while still avoiding prying eyes. Technique: Men, Another variation of The Ballet Dancer. Your woman's buoyancy in the water makes this sex position easier to hold. And all you need to do is shift some bathing suit material out of the way of certain body parts; the lifeguards will be none the wiser. Tip for her: Cold water can hamper a man’s sexual response, so she needs to be especially attentive to arousing him in a cold pool or lake. On the positive side, men don’t ejaculate as quickly when their genitals are cold, so she gets to take her time and enjoy the ride longer. Shoulder deep water is best for minimizing the weight of the woman getting a ride on her man.11. Wheelbarrow, StandingAlso known as: The Hoover Maneuver Benefits: Calorie burner because it's so athletic. You can stroll around the house in this position, but draw the shades first. She may also experience a heightened climax from blood rushing to her head. Technique: Men, You enter your woman as you would in doggy, or standing, rear entry; but lift her up by the pelvis and have her grip your waist with her legs. Stand up to invert her body, while thrusting rhythmically. Summer camp wheelbarrow races were never this much fun! Also try: Ask her to rhythmically squeeze her pelvic floor muscles, to help her climax.  12. The Elevator Also known as: The Bees Knees Benefits: Great for out-of-bedroom fellatio. Technique: Men, Your woman kneels in front of you, covering her teeth with her lips and encircling your glans with her mouth. She then slowly pistons her lips up and down on your shaft, alternating speeds and occasionally stopping to move her tongue over and around your glans. Also try: Lean a dressing mirror against a wall to the side of your body so you can enjoy the view of your woman going down on you from the side versus top down. Hot tip for her: For variation, she can take one of your testicles into her mouth as she strokes the shaft with her hand. 13. Quickie-FixAlso known as: The Bends Benefits: Greater thrusting power, and good for quickie sex in your kitchen, especially if your woman is wearing a skirt. Technique: Men, Ask her to bend at the waist and rest her hands on a piece of furniture, her knees or the floor for support. You enter her from behind and hold her hips for support as you thrust. Also try: Reach below to caress her clitoris for extra stimulation. This is a great ‘shower sex’ position. Hot tip: Massage her shoulders or stimulate her breasts by bending over her.Chapter 2: Seated PositionsIn the next several positions, we'll discuss ways to intimacy in a seated position. These options accommodate pleasure in situations where a bed is not an immediate option, or perhaps it's just time for some variety.Let's continue. 14. Face OffAlso known as: The Lap Dance Benefits: Allows for face-to-face intimacy; cozy for long sessions. Technique: Men, Sit on a chair or the edge of the bed. Your woman then faces you, wraps her arms around your back, climbs on top, and sits on your lap. Once in the saddle, she can ride up and down on your penis by rising with her legs or knees. Want to go faster? Assist by grabbing her buttocks and lifting and bouncing. Also try: Your woman can sit astride facing you on a rocking chair. Old wooden rockers on hardwood or stone floors provide the greatest variety of good vibes. Hot tip: There's lots of room for creativity in this position for stimulating erogenous areas of the upper body, head, neck, and face. If she likes to have her nipples licked, go for it! 15. Hot SeatAlso known as: The Love Seat, The Man Chair Benefits: Good G-spot stimulation. Technique: Men, Sit on the edge of the bed or on a chair with your feet on the floor. Your woman turns away and backs up onto you, sitting between your legs. She can ride back and forth by pushing off the chair arms or pressing up with her feet. She can control the angle of entry by arching her back and pressing her buttocks into your groin. While doggy style is about your dominance, The Hot Seat puts your woman in the driver's seat. And that makes it one of the best sex positions for both of you. Also try: Your woman can reach under and stimulate the base of your penis, scrotum, and perineum. Meanwhile, you can reach around and stimulate her nipples. 16. The Little DipperBenefits: “A great position that allows for clitoral stimulation with both your mouth and fingers,” says Kerner. Technique: Men, For the Little Dipper, the woman is on top and uses either a bed, couch, or chair to hoist herself over you. You then insert your penis into her vagina or anus. She then does tricep dips to move up and down on your penis. If done correctly, you should be in a T-shape formation. Hot tip: Play with the man’s penis, or the woman's clitoris, for extra stimulation.FYI, the woman will have sore triceps once you both finish.17. One UpAlso known as: Over Your Shoulder, The Hamstring Stretch Benefits: This is the best sex position for people who are particularly sensitive along one side of the clitoris. Technique: Men, Kneel on the floor with your woman sitting, reclining, or lying on the edge of the elevated chair, sofa, bed or swing. Raise one of her legs and ask her to support it by wrapping her hands around her hamstring just below the knee. With one hip raised, she will be able to add some movement to aid in your stroking or to help move you to the perfect spot. Also try: Encourage your woman to wriggle a little to help you get the rhythm right. Hot tip: During oral sex, allow the knuckle of your finger to trail behind your tongue. The contrast between soft flesh of the tongue and hard bone of the finger will create a pleasing sensation. (For more oral pleasure positions, check out Your Ultimate Guide to Oral Sex.) Hot tip for her: She can let you know the tongue pressure and technique she prefers by demonstrating with her mouth on your earlobe.18. Spin CycleAlso known as: Maytag Repair ManBenefits: Extra vibes. It's true that women in the nineteen sixties fell in love with the automatic washing machine. But she seldom talked about all the benefits received from the modern convenience. It seems that when a woman puts all her weight on the rapidly spinning machine, the vibrations pulse and overwhelm her nearby clitoral vaginal nerves.Some brave women shared this little detail with her receptive man. This sometimes resulted in men utilizing the sturdy machine to enhance their woman's pleasure and perhaps even their own?Technique: Men, This is a variation on the Hot Seat with your woman sitting in your lap, but this time planting yourselves on top of a washing machine, set at the highest agitator cycle.Tip: Throw some heavy rugs in the machine ahead of time, and interrupt the process until the two of you are ready for some intimacy. Once you're both mounted and ready, Pull the knob and let the tremors begin. 19. Stairway to HeavenAlso known as: Step Lively Benefits: Good hand holds for your woman, and you don't have to wait until reaching the bedroom. Technique: Men, This is a variation on the Hot Seat with your woman sitting on top of you while you sit on one of the stairs of a staircase. Stairs offer good seating possibilities, and a handrail for extra support and lifting leverage for her.Tip: This unique incline provides ways to gently support the woman's weight as she descends the shaft, gently. Either the upper steps or the hand rails can give her a safe and supportive aid. Caution: the lower steps of a flight are perhaps a safer option, if orgasm intensity impacts consciousness, leading to a tumble down the flight. 20. Heir to the ThroneAlso known as: Lazy Girl Benefits: The ultimate sex position for oral on the go, use this to get your woman in the mood and help her cut loose. Technique: Men, Have your woman sit on a chair with her legs wide open. You take it from there. This is a good sex position for either beginning the slow build-up with loose, broad, strokes, or ending with strong suction. Your woman is able to easily guide you, and she’s able to get a full view of you between her legs, which is a turn-on for many women. Also try: Switch to a swivel chair and turn it left and right as you hold your tongue stationary. Hot tip: Insert your index and ring fingers and stroke in a "come hither" motion to wake up her G-spot using this sex position. With either your tongue or other hand, apply pressure to her pubic bone. This dual stimulation executed just right will send your woman over the edge.  21. Seated WheelbarrowAlso known as: Wheelbarrow at Rest Benefits: Less strenuous than the standing varieties of this sex position, while still offering intense sensation. With less ability to thrust, this position allows a guy to last longer before blowing his load. Technique: Men, A recliner or the edge of a bed will be handy for this. The man is seated and lays back. The woman straddles over him, facing away from him, and moves her vagina down his erect penis (as in Reverse Cowgirl.) He begins to sit up and firmly holds her around her hips as she leans down over his legs. The man firmly keeps his hold around her waist while she extends her legs backward along either side of him. She continues letting her torso lower down to the floor, while he’s holding her hips firmly planted against his penis. She sets the motion while he enjoys a great view and access to her anal assets. Try the wheelbarrow while sitting on the edge of a bed or chair. Movement is limited, but penetration is deep.A nearby ottoman or other sturdy footrest can be helpful when the woman wants to transition her torso to facing down on his legs. She's then free to express tender affection to his feet and toes.If the woman is aroused by spanking or anal probing, this position easily accommodates the lovers. A woman's orgasm may become more intense, if her head is declining to lower altitude than her hips. Hot tips for him: Make some noise. Explore the deeper sexual response and energy by letting loose with powerful sounds, a roar, perhaps? Have some oil or lube nearby to give her a special anal massage and/or exploration. 22. Swiss Ball BlitzAlso known as: Romper Room Benefits: See The Hot Seat. Also, adds bounce to your thrusts. Technique: Men, Have a big exercise ball in your workout room? Use a stability ball to add some bounce to The Hot Seat. Sit on the ball with your feet on the floor. Have your woman back up onto you, sitting between your legs. Roll and bounce to it.Let her do the grinding and pumping. Even the slightest energy exerted with bring an amplified response, and the thrill will exceed your biggest amusement ride fantasies. Tips for him: She’ll have a great time, but your attention to her breasts with make it even more memorable. Tips for her: Tuck the big ball in the corner of the room if you want it to stay securely put. It’ll allow you to focus on the pleasure and avoid an injury visit to the ER. The nurses there just love to hear your titillating red-faced explanations, but you’ll never live it down.Chapter 3 Sideways Loving 23. Spoon, FacingAlso known as: SidewinderBenefits: A very intimate face-to-face position that encourages hugging and kissing.Technique: Men, This is an ideal position if your woman is pregnant or either one of you had a knee injury because it keeps weight off the body. To get into the position, begin by lying on your sides and facing one another. Your woman spreads her legs slightly to allow you to enter her, then closes her legs so the part of your shaft that's outside can press against her clitoris. It's easy to kiss from this intimate face-to-face position.Also try: Because thrusting is more difficult in this position, use different techniques such as grinding, circular, and up-and-down motions for added stimulation.Hot tip: Hug each other for 20 seconds before getting busy. Hugging raises your levels of oxytocin, a bonding hormone your body produces naturally, and that will enhance your connection. 24. SpoonAlso known as: The Sleeper HoldBenefits: Comfortable sex position if your woman is pregnant or you're heavy. Also ideal for long lovemaking. Good one for falling asleep afterward.Technique: Men, You both lie on your sides facing the same direction, you in back. Your woman bends her knees and pushes her butt back toward you for easier access to her vagina. Adjusting the lean of your bodies will vary the angle of entry and help with rocking and thrusting.Also try: Synchronize your breathing. One of you takes the lead and the other follows so that you inhale and exhale together. The coordinated rhythm opens an unspoken dialogue of intimacy.Hot tip: To give her the sensation of greater width inside her, from the Spoon position, have her bend and lift her top leg to her breasts. Adjust your position, so you are more on top of her hip than behind her. 25. Gift WrappedAlso known as: The Horny MantisBenefits: Relaxing position with deeper penetration and increased intimacy.Technique: Men, Both of you lie on your sides facing one another. Your woman bends and spreads her legs, and angles her vagina toward you. You lift your legs between hers to enter while she wraps her legs around your back.Also try: She can use her legs and feet to pull you close during thrusts for deeper penetration. 26. Open-Legged SpoonBenefits: It's everything you love about the classic spoon position, with the added opportunity for clitoris access.Technique: Men, From the spoon position above, the woman lifts her top leg and drapes it backward over her penetrating man’s hips.Hot tip: The open-legged element of this position means the man in back can reach around and play with his woman's clit—either with his hand or a vibrator. ConcludingIn part two, we’ll discuss option for horizontal intimacy, with thirty variations in which men and women take turns being on top.Join us next time, and enjoy some fun imagination; then plan on when & where to start mastering new coupling expressions.

Ms. Evangelina Vargas advises wives who want to be “hot.” By vargas 1 1 1. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex. This topic comes up more often than our society is comfortable with. To illustrate the matter, imagine the scenario of a couple of 50 year old English gentlemen down at the corner pub; when one of them says; “Nigel, I don’t know how to say this, but I have it on reliable certitude that your wife has been shagging a younger bloke from church.” To which Nigel responds with a relaxed breath; “Well, at least someone is shagging her.” Some men just lack the libido of their spouse, especially decades after the peak of a man’s virility of the early twenties. More than a few marriages dissolve in a painful betrayal and severe disruption of a cohesive home. It’s even more traumatic when kids lose a 2-parent cohesion, because mom and dad couldn’t work out a satisfying sexual arrangement. We’re presenting the expert advice of well-known ‘hot wife,’ Evangelina Vargas, to weigh in on the issue, for those of you who relate to the conundrum. Guidelines for Happily Married Hot Wives By Evangelina Vargas, with contributions from Dawn MWF 4 Blk Okay, you have heard about being a “hot wife.” It sounds sexy but a little scary, too. You have lots of questions and uncertainties and many women have written my brother, Homer Vargas, for advice. Well, he has asked me to reply because this is something better handled between us girls. With two grown daughters, one kid in kindergarten, one in nursery school, and a bun in the oven, I’ve “been there, done that.” Why? Probably your first question is “Why should I become a ‘hot wife?’” There are many reasons but the most important one is, love. You have a wonderful husband whom you love more than anything in the world. You want to please him, to make him happy. You think that he might like a hot wife, but maybe you are not sure. What if he thinks you are a slut? Put that out of your mind, sweetie. Take it from me; if your husband is a heterosexual male, he wants a hot wife. If he is not heterosexual (or is a little underpowered sexually), there may be other reasons for you to become a hot wife, but I will not deal with those here. Men want hot wives; therefore you want to become the woman he wants. Besides wanting to please your man, it’s also a matter of elementary justice. Your husband deserves a hot wife. He has made a commitment to you. He loves you above all other women. He has promised to be faithful to you, giving up pussy from all those other little hotties he was fucking before he met you. You owe him at least the sexual satisfaction he could be getting from those other women if he were still “on the loose.” In addition, being a hot wife should be a matter of personal fulfillment. You are a woman and you want to be the best, the sexiest, the most feminine woman possible. Becoming a hot wife; an ever hotter hot wife; will give meaning and purpose to your life, releasing you from self-centeredness and ennui. Then, too, being a hot wife is a very healthy lifestyle. To become and remain a hot wife, you will have to exercise daily, watch what you eat, maintain your body in top form. Dieting and physical fitness will not seem like a chore when you keep in mind that you are honing your body for your adored husband’s sexual gratification. You are not just a “sex object”; and proud of being a damn good one, you are a sex object d'art! Moreover, being a hot wife is to your material advantage. You want the good things of life: a nice house, fancy clothes, travel, fine food. So how does being a hot wife get you these things? Simple, honey. To acquire the material possessions you want, you need a financially successful husband. And nothing contributes to a man’s success more than having a hot wife. For one thing, a hot wife at home does wonders for a man’s self-confidence. After a night with you, he walks into that boardroom or law office or shop floor and looks around knowing that no other man in that room has a wife as hot as his! No one else, only a few hours ago, had a woman riding his cock, screaming his name in ecstasy as she orgasmed over and over, begging him to fuck her longer, harder. A man with a couple of good early-morning fucks like that under his belt can kick ass and get other men to do things his way. But in addition to his self-confidence, the reputation of having a hot wife will give your husband leg up in any encounter with other men. Remember, men are competitive, always measuring themselves against other men. When his rivals and co-workers know your husband has a hot wife, it gives him prestige and allows him to get his way. He’ll be the one chosen for the highest bonus, the promotion, the challenging assignment that leads to advancement. And of every dollar he earns, 75% to 80% will be spent on YOU, his loving hot wife. (Of course if you are a hot high income professional that will further boost your husband’s career.) There is another reason as well that must be mentioned, girls, even though it’s not too pleasant. You need to be a hot wife in self-defense. Knowledge that your man is married immediately makes him a much more attractive target for other women. For some women, knowing a man is able to make a commitment causes their claws to grow. Tired of boyfriends whom they have screwed for months or years only to see them slip from their clutches; these women may figure that here is a man who has proven catchable. For others, it’s just the opposite. They know you have your guy well tied down and he’s not likely to get serious when all a girl wants is sex. And the way you look and act indicates that at least one other woman (you) has found him highly satisfactory in the sex department. Yummy! Still other women seek out married men because they know that married men are likely to be sexually unsatisfied. Sad to say, most women (you are going to be a glorious exception) cut back on the frequency and nastiness of sex once they have “landed” a guy, leaving the poor schmuck flopping around in frustration like a fish out of water. Finally, and this is paradoxical, the very success that your husband achieves thanks to your being his hot wife, makes him a more desirable prey. There are hundreds of sexy, slutty women out there wanting to take your husband from you and you have to be sexier and sluttier than they are, to keep him! How? Now that you understand the reasons to become a hot wife, the important question is, “how.” First, and this is almost too elementary for me to have to mention but many women miss this point: SEX. Yes! You will want to make love, have sex, fuck, screw, boink, shag, get it on, “do it” with your husband every time he can get it hard. Any woman can out-fuck any number of men; so there is no reason for your husband ever to be horny if your cunt is around. The key to a happy, successful, faithful husband is enough sex to keep his eyes crossed. Almost more important than the frequency and nastiness (we’ll get to that later) of sex is to make sure he understands that you want sex it because HE is a macho sexy Neanderthal stud. You are not doing him a favor (although you are!). These are not just frequent mercy fucks. You are fucking him because he turns you on. He makes you hot. He makes you want sex. He makes you NEED sex! With such a man, you are a sex slave! Now let’s talk about what kind of sex to have with your husband starting with what kind not to have. It will NOT be once a week, in the bedroom, missionary position, lights out, “think of England” while he empties his balls in you. No! You are so burning with lust for your husband that you will want him to take you on the shag rug in the living room, on the dining table, bending over in the kitchen, draped over the back of the sofa in the family room, in the shower. You have a totally irresistible desire to let him eat you and an almost irresistible desire to give him blowjobs (you swallow greedily), tempered only by the thought that each load of cum in your mouth is one less in your needy cunt. You are multi-orgasmic, or will fake it until you train yourself to become so. You are a moaner and a groaner and a squealer and a screamer. You claw his back in ecstasy. You like it doggie style, riding his cock, legs bent behind you head or heels (6" stilettos) in the air. He can call you every filthy name in the book if it gets you a harder cock and a more cum pumped into your needy cunt. You put every porn movie he’s ever seen to shame. Because you want to fuck your husband so desperately, all the time, you are constantly looking for ways to excite him, to entice him, to make him want to fuck you. This means taking the initiative, seducing him! You will want to have a collection of sexy nightwear and scandalous casual wear for around the house that signal your constant horniness. Seldom is total nudity best. Always keep on a necklace, bracelets, and your heels during sex. Cleanliness is good and perfume is great, but never wash off or cover up the womanly scent of an aroused cunt. Be proud of how wet he makes you and put up with the mess. Of course you do not stop being a hot wife when your hubby is off making money for you to spend. A true hot wife would not be able to go through a long day without her man if she did not have toys to keep her sane. Dildos and vibrators will keep you simmering and ready for his return. Masturbation is also important to help you become or remain multi-orgasmic. And of course he likes to know that while he is away, you are missing him so badly you need a large cylindrical object up your twat. As you get into being a hot wife, seeing how proud and happy your husband is, you will gain self-confidence about displaying your body. You may decide to start taking out the trash early in the morning wearing only a flimsy nightie. You may want to shop for groceries in a short shift that lets anyone see you have nothing on beneath it but your stockings and heels. If you work, you will occasionally “forget” to wear bra and panties to the office. Now the next point is not for everyone and not absolutely necessary to be a hot wife, but many hot wives are strongly bi-sexual. Girl-girl sex is a great way to pass the long horny hours when hubby is away but it’s also a great way to find women to bring to his bed for a threesome. (Husbands love threesomes with two women.) I have found nothing turns my husband on faster than seeing another little honey and me with our tongues buried in each other’s cunts. And later I let him show me how grateful he is. Your looks Hair is also important. You want a hairstyle that is attractive to your husband, not something that is convenient or easy to manage. Generally men like longer, curly or wavy hair. Variety is nice. If you are brunet, go blonde. If you are blond, try red or darker, perhaps darker with highlights. You have to find what works for you, but the important thing, is you are doing this for him. Don’t ask him how he likes your new style; ask him if it makes you look sexier. When he says yes, make him prove it. Finally a word on body type. Any “body” can be hot as long as you are neither anorexic nor seriously obese. In general men like rounder and fuller women than other women do. Before you decided to become a hot wife, you were probably keeping your weight down because of the expectations of other women, so it’s likely you will can to put on a few pounds. On the other hand taking off a few pounds can say, “I want to be sexy for you.” So far we have discussed what you need to do in private. Being a hot wife, however, is as much or more about how you behave in public as it is about what you do when you are alone with your husband (or with him and one or two other women). If there is one golden rule of hot wife public behavior it is: DRESS THE PART. When you go out, remember you are NOT dressing for yourself. You are no longer dressing for other women as most women are prone to do. You are not even dressing just for your husband. You are dressing to show off for and tease your husband’s friends, co-workers and rivals. You are dressing to attract and please other men. Dressing to please and attract other men takes more time and work but take it from me, it will pay off tremendously in amount of attention you receive and how it affects your own “hot wife attitude.” You should always keep in mind what the men you are trying to attract will probably like but in general follow this simple rule when choosing what to wear: "Think dress first, skirt second, and pants only as a last resort.” This will be a radical change for many women but it’s important to remember that most men prefer their women in dresses as opposed to pants. Short dresses and skirts are sexier to most men and they provide easier access in erotic situations. Any skirt or dress that’s more than barely hiding your cookies should have a slit to show more flesh. Even a long gown can be sexy if slit nearly to the waist. You never know when you will have the opportunity to attract that certain man and you need to be dressed for the opportunity when it comes. The good news is that the hot wife lifestyle will probably make you feel like dressing up more and the more you wear dresses and skirts, the more you will find yourself wanting to. Now I can already hear the objections. “Oh, Evangelina, I could never wear clothes like that. I’m too [fill in the blank] short-tall-round-thin-dark-light.” Nonsense. The point is not to have women (skinny supermodels) make clothes look sexy; it’s to have clothes make women (of all sizes and shapes) look sexy. Believe me, girlfriend, any woman looks good in a miniskirt and a top that shows the rounded top of your boobs. Wardrobe What you wear under your dress or skirt is as important as the outfit itself. All men love women in sexy lingerie. The colors and styles you may want wear will vary but in general, here are some suggestions and rules to follow: 1: Always wear matching or at least coordinated lingerie. 2: Bras & blouses should maximize your bust size and display as much cleavage as possible. 3. Choose thongs or French cut panties (crotch-less) are best. Avoid white cotton unless you are going for the “Catholic Schoolgirl” look. If you are with men who know you, no panties is the best option. 4. Always wear hosiery. High tops and thigh highs are great for casual wear but stocking held up by corsets or garter belt are best for formal occasion. No pantyhose. If you are like me, you probably have worn pantyhose your whole life, but they are death to your image as a hot wife. It is practically impossible get fucked on short notice if you are wearing pantyhose. Men understand this and detest them. Pantyhose say “I’m off limits”; not the message you want to send. Besides, it’s pretty difficult even to finger yourself or let a man finger you, in the damned things. End of sermon. Stockings, on the other hand, will make you feel far sexier and more feminine and they provide your husband easier access as well as a sexier sight. Once you get used to wearing them, you will probably have no trouble giving up pantyhose. Seamed stockings are the ultimate for attracting men. You will always get a lot of attention in clubs if you wear them and if you dare to wear them in public in the daytime, men will drool. The only shoes you should ever wear in public are high heels. This will take some getting used to as well, but men love them. Three-four inches are fine for casual entertaining, but try for four-five inches for nights out. High heel, spaghetti strap, open toe sandals are the ultimate “fuck me” shoes. Jewelry is a must! It should be flashy, designed to attract the attention you deserve. Earrings should be large, loopy or dangling. Necklaces should draw wandering eyes to your cleavage. Always wear your wedding ring. Men love to think the might be getting a shot at another man’s wife! Anklets and toe rings are a good sign that you are a willing hot wife looking to attract men. Bracelet’s and anklets show you are a happy member of your husband’s one-woman harem. A pierced navel below your tank top makes a sexy statement: “I’ll do anything to keep my husband fucking me.” Long highly polished nails in dark, daring colors help draw attention to you. And this goes for toes in those high-heel sandals. 13 ‘Fuck Me’ Signals Being a hot wife is more than just looks, however; it’s also how you act. 1: In a situation where you are trying to catch a man’s eye; make sure to make plenty of eye contact with him and smile. 2: Show lots of leg. Cross and uncross your legs and bounce the top leg on the lower one, perhaps pointing the toe of your shoe. If you find that you are very attracted to him, eventually let the skirt ride high enough so that he can see that you are wearing stockings and garters. In clubs a woman wearing stockings and garters is taken as a sign that she is there to get fucked. And of course you are, by your husband that night, but no one else knows that. 3: Apply and reapply lipstick. Men want to see signs that you can’t wait to suck a cock and lipstick is a great way to send that signal. 4: Never miss the opportunity to drop something and bend over, from the waist, never bend your knees. (That’s what those expensive sessions in the gym are for.) 5: When dancing (probably the closest you can get to having sex in public), move your husband’s hands to your ass and press close to him during slow dances. If you can feel his cock, he can feel your tits. Don’t be shy about letting everyone see you come on his finger. With other guys, let them handle the merchandise knowing just exactly what they can’t have. Fast dances give you the opportunity to whirl and twirl and flash your pretty panties or your prettier cunt if you’re not wearing any. 6: If a man puts his hand up your dress; whisper in his ear and ask if him if he would like you to remove your panties. 7: If he compliments your dress; tell him you wore it hoping to meet a man like him. 8: Never miss an opportunity to tell him how sexy he is and how sexy and feminine he makes you feel. 9: However much you flirt with other guys, hang on your husband. Rub up against him. Squeeze his arm. Nibble his ear. Gaze into his eyes adoringly. Demonstrate to onlookers how eager you are for him to fuck you. 10: Do not hesitate to sneak off with your husband to do the dirty during a public event. Sex in public will probably not help his career, but for a man to be seen being dragged away by a hot wife who can’t endure another minute without his cock in her, is a real plus. 11: When you depart early from a social event, make sure everyone knows it’s because you are horny and need your husband to take you home and fuck your little brains out before you rape one of the guests. 12: If your husband travels, meet him at the airport dressed to kill: heels, see-through blouse, cunni-skirt, the works. When you see him, fling yourself into his arms and start a stand-up make out session that will shame other wives and drive other husbands mad with jealousy. Make sure the other passengers know what you and he are going to be doing as soon as you get home (if not in the taxi). Leave the men shaking their heads thinking, “What the Hell does he put in her water?” 13: Take your husband shopping for sexy clothes and underwear; modeling them is lots of fun. Husband love to say, “No” to wives who ask them, “Does this show off my titties too much?” “Do you think this skirt is too short?” Hot & Pregnant All of the above are fundamental to being a hot wife, but there is one thing that tops it all. Pregnancy! A hot wife wants to make babies for her husband. His genes deserve to have as many copies poured into the gene pool as possible and hey, as a hottie, yours do too. If knowing he has a hot wife at home is good for a guy’s ego (and earning potential) how much more is knowing he got his hot wife pregnant! By the same token, if other men are envious knowing your husband is fucking the shit out of his little hottie, they’ll become comatose when they find out you let him knock you up. And all those sexy things you wear: skirts, heels, stockings; and the sexy things you do: dancing, teasing, flashing; are twice as exciting when done by a woman with a bulging tummy. There are ways to flaunt it in, however. Start wearing maternity clothes; outrageously sexy, revealing maternity clothes, as soon as the rabbit dies. There is nothing sexier than a pregnant woman and you are letting everybody see it. Hint to your friends that you had intended to wait longer before getting pregnant, but your sexy husband got you so wound up one night you had an “accident.” Alternatively, you might let them think this was your surprise gift to him. Always say “this baby” or refer to it by number, implying that this is just the most recent offspring of many; your husband may be planning to keep you in maternity clothes until you are 60. Hold, pat, and rub your belly at every opportunity. Show off in public with his hands proudly on his wife’s baby-filled tummy. Cultivate a dopey, fucked-out-of-it expression. Tell the wives of your husband’s friends how your libido has just gone through the roof. It will get back to their men who will want to shoot themselves in frustration. None will be able to look your husband in the eye. Aged To Perfection A final word on age. You are never too old to become a hot wife. It’s even more important, in fact, if you have taken a younger man as your husband. Although your dresses may not be quite as short now as when you were in Jr. High fucking the football squad, a hot woman of thirty five or forty or fifty is hotter than any twenty year old in full slutwear. And this goes in spades when you are pregnant. Imagine your gray-at-the-temples husband in the middle of a multimillion dollar negotiation when he says, “Can we roll this up pretty soon, TJ? My wife’s about to pop with our seventh kid and I need to get home to give her a good fuck!” Wishing you every happiness as a hot wife, Evangelina By vargas 1 1 1 for Literotica from How-To Sex Podcast 

How Many Positions Have You Tried?By silk stockings lover. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex. Several classic books detail the dozens of positions for fucking. In the 70’s, The Joy of Sex was a big hit.It inspired great fucking, and some occasional trips to the emergency room, with some embarrassing admissions, especially at the Catholic hospitals where nuns circulated and prayed for injured patients.But most couples fell deeper in love with each other, and late night tv ratings dropped, as couples turned in earlier.Today we’re inviting silk stockings lover to talk to us about sexual variety, particularly sex positions. Her many presentations have helped many couples turn boredom and monotony into exciting new adventures in coupling. Her she is.Sex PositionsMost couples end up using one, two or three positions over and over.Which, by the way, makes sense.They work.But sticking to the variety is the spice of life concept of this essay; the best way to do that is to explore the hundreds of positions you can try.Some new ones you will love.Some new ones you will not.Some will be like how the fuck would that even work.But just trying something new together is fun.Don't take it seriously.Have fun.Laugh.Communicate.Know when to give up if a position isn't working or isn't comfortable for one of you. Don't keep doing it if you are uncomfortable; sex should be enjoyable for both parties.Acknowledge that this will be a lengthier encounter likely and if all goes to hell in a handbasket you can always go back to three go-to positions or do oral.No reason you both shouldn't get off regardless of how well or how bad a new position goes.While you can buy entire books on positions (I have a position per day book which has some great positions, you can find positions online and even on apps, I will offer you ten that I think are great ones to both enjoy and mixed it up a little without getting too wild.A. The CorkscrewThis is one of our now go to positions. For one, he likes standing up during sex for some reason; I don't really.But I do like being on my side for sex; so this one is a great compromise for what we both like.I position myself at the edge the bed. I bend my ass so my cunt is easily accessible while I usually grab a pillow for my head. He stands on the side of the bed and slides into me.For some reason, he tells me I feel tighter this way.Also, I should note, he comes faster this way.Fun variation: I will put my vibrator pressing against my clit during this position to really experience intense pleasure inside and out.B. The PiledriverNow I'm not sure if there is a better name for it; or an official name; but this is without a doubt my husband's favourite position and can be done pretty easily in a variety of places. Like the corkscrew he is usually standing, although not always, and I am usually at the edge of the bed.He grabs me by the ankles, pulls my legs and feet together and then simply penetrates from this position. Because my legs are together sliding inside can be more challenging so I recommend either penetrating the vagina first or having some lube generously lathered on the penis.Once in, he can control the depth and angle and I am his submissive fuck toy. The stimulation in this position is great for me as well.A major bonus is he can rest his body against my nylon-clad legs, caress them and even kiss, lick and smell my stocking-clad toes.Fun variation: he can continue to hold my ankles, spread me wide and pile drive me that way.C. The DragonI love this position. For one, it is a very submissive position. I used to call it the pile driver part two; although they are very different positions and stimulations.In this position, I lay on my stomach on a bed (this position you definitely need to be on a bed), and he lies on top of me and penetrates me from the top. (Obviously, this would be a great position for anal as well, but we are discussing vaginal penetration here).My man will start slow, actually even moving his body in slight circular motions that find a way to stimulate my entire vagina. While doing this he is usually kissing my neck and this begins as a very intimate encounter.Eventually, once I am begging for him to fuck me, to give it to me, to pound me, to pile drive me, the encounter shifts from sweet and sensual to raw intense fucking.As he pounds me, his body slamming into mine with each deep thrust by body meets him as he has me bouncing around like a raggedy Ann doll. It is exhilarating and always leads to great orgasms for both of us.Fun variation: be careful with this one as I knocked the wind out of myself when my man shifted from slow to fast; but a small vibrator or one of those new tiny clit focused toys (I need to get one of those) directly on your clit will enhance the pleasure and have you talking nasty and going ballistic when you reach orgasm.D. Magic MountainThis one takes a little work to get into the right position, but the rewards are great. This is one of the most intimate positions as you can admire each other's bodies or make sweet eye contact.The man sits on his ass, bends his legs, leans back in his hands and forearms. The woman does the same thing. Each person then moves closer to each other until the penis slides inside the vagina.This position can be slow and sensual. More a making love than a fucking. Eventually, the encounter shifts from sensual to raw as the woman can grind her clitoris on the lover's pelvis. We have tried this a couple of times; but my lack of coordination makes it never get overly smooth; as does his impatience to fuck hard. That said, it is a great position; especially for women.E. Doggy styleI know what you are thinking? Doggy style? Not really overly interesting. Point taken. Yet, this position is overly underrated for its simplicity, and yet that is why it is such a damn good position.I'll explain it in case we have some rare virgins reading here, but I simply get on all fours, sometimes I have a pillow before me to bury my face in when he really is giving it to me and I'm near eruption. He simply moves behind me on his knees, although he often moves to one knee when he really begins to fuck me and slides in my cunt (yes, this is also one of the best anal positions and the one we use the most the rare time I allow myself to be sodomized; I like that word. This position again puts me in the submissive position as a receiver and his cock can get incredibly deep in my cunt stimulating every erogenous touch point.Fun variation 1: I can take some control by bouncing back and fucking him. I don't do this much and if I do not for long, but it is a nice variation and gives him a brief rest while showing him just how hungry I am for his cock.Fun variation 2: as always, a toy can greatly assist the woman when it is placed against her clit as she is fucked.Fun variation 3: while already mentioned, I'll repeat this is a good anal position.F. The WheelbarrowNow this is a real workout for both; especially the woman. Last time we did this I only lasted thirty seconds as I just don't have a lot of upper body strength. That said, if you can do this one, even for a brief amount of time, it is worth it. Although I suggest you google it for a better image, the basic concept is the female gets on all fours on the floor. The person doing the fucking then lifts up the person on all fours by the pelvis. This position allows the penis to go incredibly deep and at angles that stimulate unlike almost any other position. Or you can do this position besides an intense satisfying fucking, you will get a great arm workout.G. The SeashellGod, I miss being flexible. This used to be my favorite position back in my youth although I called it the pretzel for obvious reasons (apparently there is another position called pretzel). The woman lays in her back with her legs rises way up so the ankles cross behind her head (which is something I can no longer do). The man then can slide in easily and go so deep; I mean really fucking deep.Fun Variation: use a toy on the clit to make the orgasm come quick and intense.H. Face-OffThis one is quite intimate and the control is in the hands, or more accurately, the cunt of the woman. The male sits on the edge of the bed or a chair. The woman sits on his lap facing him and wrapping her arms around him. Besides the fact that you can kiss him, he can kiss your neck, the woman has the control. She can choose the angle the cock goes in, she can choose the depth of entry and the part of the ride.Fun variation: As mentioned you can make out, look deep into each other's eyes, have your hands roam.I. Butter churnedNow I should say I have never tried this one, and alas never will at my age, body shape and lack of flexibility; alas to be young again. But described as a must in a female orgasm stimulation site this one looks amazing and I imagine would give the lady amazing orgasms.The woman lies on her back her legs raised and folded over so that their ankles are on the side of her head (you can likely see this would be challenging for many women). The man straddling her legs slides in.This one is also very submissive and the giver is in complete control. He can quickly change angles to stimulate the woman's cunt differently and completely controls the depth; and I imagine this position the cock can go so fucking deep.Another bonus you can get great eye contact and watch this one throughout for an intimate or raw experience.Fun variation: Not my idea, but I will be trying this in another position soon, have the giver pour something delicious into your mouth like chocolate syrup, whip cream or even fruit. Apparently this will get more senses involved and increase the intensity of the experience. (Currently added to my sex fuck-it list).J. 69Surprised?Not all sexual positions have to include penetration.And, for me, a 69, is one of the most romantic and intimate positions.Also, one of the rare positions where both are equals in the giving and receiving of pleasure.Also, there is more than one way to do this.Version 1: the woman lies on her back and the man straddles her. The male bends down and dines on her cunt while the woman leans up to suck that cock.Version 2: reverse positions, with the man on the bottom his hard cock saluting the woman while the woman straddles her man's face. Of the three this is likely my favorite version although I like the third one as well. The first version kinks my neck pretty fast. I also like I can just sit on his face when I get close. Ladies if you have not grinded your cunt on another person's face you have not lived (a rare moment where I am in charge).it is without a doubt my favorite oral position; even if it occurs very rarely.Men: allow a woman to sit on your face. The position lets the woman be in charge and you get the amazing sensation of being engulfed by her scent and also able to easily dine on her cunt; or even just have your face used for her to get off.Version 3: lie side by side; with each person's face staring at the other's private area. The pro to this one is both can be comfortable in ways the first two can't. It also has the positive of when things get more intense the man can fuck your mouth pretty smoothly and you can grind your cunt on his face.Fun variations:Women: play with his balls.Men: use your fingers.Either: use a sex toy.It is eventually the universal language of oral pleasure.One more recommendation; less position based and more variety based:Play, around the house.Sex can get predictable. We have already established that and will add how to change that even more with number eleven. That said, one easy way to mix it up is simply to have sex in other places besides on your bed.For one, if you have not had your cunt eaten or fucked while on top or bent over a working washing machine, you have not lived.Regardless, you bought a house to live in; live in it.Go down on her in the kitchen while she is cutting a salad, go down on him in the living room while he is watching a game, be intimate in the shower, and have sex against a wall in the hallway.Mix it up.Want to be really kinky, have sex in your children's bedroom (Ps: we have not done that).And while I wouldn't consider myself completely a free-use woman (a popular porn thing of late. Although the scenes never have any actual plot to set up the free-use concept), I was kind of a free-use woman way before that was a thing.My husband has flipped up my dress or skirt, pulled my panties aside and fucked me in various rooms in the house and while I was doing a variety of chores (dishes, laundry, vacuuming, taking a nap).Occasionally this annoys me, as I'm not in the mood, but usually it temporarily stops what I was doing and we have sex. By the way, he is smart enough to always say something flattering as he is flipping up my dress or skirt.The point being the more variety the more likely neither of you ever get bored.By silk stockings lover for Literotica

The dating world’s been flipping on its head. With input by Blonde&Balanced and Dinsmore. Listen to the Podcast at How To sex. Clearly, western culture has started failing to secure our survival. We saw it in western Europe, late in the last century. Plus, totalitarian Asian governments dictated it. We quit having enough babies to replace ourselves. We quit teaching our younger generations that a big part of existence is, creating more existence.We delegated out so much of parenthood, that we quit associating with our roles in life.Then we quit finding our identity in marriage. That ancient blending of the two halves of humanity. Boys increasingly started pleasuring other boys, and girls started preferring a romp with another girl. Hell, with internet porn and sex toys, even gay relationships started taking the hit. People are increasingly alone, and getting lonely. But for many of our fellow humans, that’s more acceptable than all the potential disasters of trying to find a soulmate and life partner. Here’s a report by Blonde&Balanced, about 28 of the possible reasons that men, in particular; are choosing to stay single. The dating world’s been flipping on its head, with more men choosing to hit pause on the whole dating game. It’s not just a single problem causing this shift, but a variety of new challenges prompting guys to retreat. Let’s delve into 28 reasons highlighting why some men are opting out of dating. 1: High Cost of Love. The bill for playing the dating game can make some guys hit the brakes, especially when it’s on them to foot the bill for everything from fancy dinners to fun dates, all while balancing their budget. 2: Clash with Modern Women. A rift between modern independence and traditional dating expectations has led to a disconnect, with men feeling sidelined by women’s dual demands for autonomy and special treatment. 3: Situationships. This modern take on non-committal relationships allows for emotional and physical connection without the need to label or define the bond, making it a popular choice for many. 4: The Lost "Getting to Know You" Phase. Ian Breslow, a 28-year-old high school teacher who lives in Astoria, shared his own personal experience that underscores a shift from casual dating to immediate, intense relationship probing, making casual encounters and light-hearted dating seem a thing of the past. 5: Impact of Pandemic. Andrew Bruno’s account highlights how the pandemic has altered social behaviors, making in-person interactions less frequent and more guarded. 6: Goals over Dates. Many men are putting love on the back burner to chase their career or academic dreams, driven by a mix of personal ambition, societal pressure, or the quest for financial security before settling down. 7: Past Pain. Some guys are keeping their hearts off the market thanks to rough rides in past relationships, from betrayals to breakups, leaving them wary of round two. 8: High Expectations. Feeling overwhelmed by the mountain of expectations in the dating world, some men think it’s just too much—whether it’s pressure from society, a string of bad dates, or those fairy-tale romances in movies. 9: Fear of Exploitation. Past experiences of feeling used, whether for money, handyman services, or emotional support, have some men wary of dating again, fearing another round of exploitation. 10: The Age Gap. For some, dating seems to cater exclusively to the young, leaving older individuals feeling out of place and questioning the worth of seeking love later in life. 11: Digital Dating. The digital dating scene, with its endless swiping and focus on fleeting connections, has some dudes questioning if it’s all just a bit too shallow and overwhelming to bother with. 12: New Rules. As the ground shifts beneath the traditional gender roles, a lot of men find themselves lost in the new norms of dating and relationships, unsure of their role. 13: Happy with Being Single. With over half of single Americans content in their solo journey, the drive to seek out a partner is notably low, reflecting a broader acceptance of living life unattached. 14: Busy Life. The modern dating marathon, with its initial virtual connections leading to real-life meetups, challenges even the best time managers, turning love-seeking into a logistical puzzle. 15: Low Sexual Desire. Men experiencing a dip in sexual desire might find the dating scene less appealing, choosing instead to invest in friendships or other non-romantic relationships. 16: Emotional Barriers. Struggling to forge deep emotional connections can act as a significant roadblock in the dating world, whether it’s a challenge with new partners or a deeper issue of emotional availability. 17: Fear of Rejection. The potential for social rejection, with its emotional toll similar to physical pain, can lead men to steer clear of the dating scene to avoid the discomfort of being turned down. 18: Fear of Commitment. For some, the idea of locking down with one person brings more panic than peace, driven by fears of lost freedom, past pains, or the weight of relationship responsibilities. 19: Mental Health Issues. The stigma and challenges surrounding mental health can add layers of fear about judgment or rejection, making the dating scene appear unwelcoming for those struggling. 20: Dating Ambiguity. The question of whether one is truly in a relationship, casually dating, or simply involved in a fling often goes unanswered, reflecting the widespread uncertainty in contemporary romance. 21: Single is More Acceptable. Society has shifted from a focus on traditional milestones like marriage and parenthood to celebrating individual choice, making the single lifestyle more prevalent and accepted. 22: Self-Doubts. Men battling low self-esteem may see the dating field as a minefield of potential rejections and embarrassments, choosing isolation over the risk of not being good enough. 23: Social Anxiety. Social anxiety casts a long shadow over the dating experiences of many men, with the dread of judgment or rejection making even basic interactions seem daunting. 24: Questioning Love. Men battling low self-esteem may see the dating field as a minefield of potential rejections and embarrassments, choosing isolation over the risk of not measuring up. 25: Too Lazy to Date. It appears the bar has dropped, and men are finding shortcuts in the dating scene. The classic moves – shaving, dressing up, and traditional gestures like buying chocolates or flowers – seem too demanding for many today. 26: Pressure for Serious Commitment. The societal push towards finding a serious relationship and the perceived loss of prime dating years during the pandemic have left some feeling caught between the desire for casual dating and the pressure to settle down. This conflict can lead to frustration and a sense of missing out on both fronts. 27: Expectation Gap. Ronald Levant, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Akron, suggest that women’s dating motivations might be evolving, with an increasing focus on finding long-term partners, especially as the biological clock becomes a consideration. This shift can create a mismatch in expectations between men and women, particularly affecting men who prefer casual relationships. 28: Communication Gap. For some men, the daunting task of articulating feelings or navigating conversations can turn dating into a high-stress ordeal. This struggle often stems from societal norms that stifle male emotional openness, personal insecurities, or simply not having enough practice. In a Perfect World, Marriage Might Work The ramblings of a perpetually horny aging male. By Dinsmore At the end of the day, no matter how many baubles and flowers he gives you, no matter how much he tells you he loves your mother, no matter how many times he cooks you dinner or does the laundry, no matter how often he treats you to a romantic evening and no matter how many times he tells you that you are his 'best friend'; it's all bullshit. If he wanted a best friend; it'd be a guy. He wants to get laid; that's all he ever has wanted, and ever will want. It's been that way for thousands of years. Stop reading women's magazines and just accept it. He just wants to fuck you. One would also expect that the more experienced male; the one with more experience, sexually; would be less inclined to ejaculate prematurely, more adept at making the experience pleasurable for the female; thus getting invited back. Other females observing the coupling; or getting the details from tribal gossip; would be more interested in the particularly 'talented' male. Sociologists and psychologists have really clouded the water in the last one hundred years, looking for all sorts of hidden meaning in an effort to make things more 'human' and thus more complicated than they need to be. Their efforts have completely confused both sexes and sadly, resulted in an increase in homosexual activity among females and males whose view and understanding of human sexuality is inadequate; or at best, distorted. In essence it is those humans that have essentially 'dropped out of the game.' I'm not saying that those factors are the sole cause of increased homosexuality but certainly they have had an impact. The whole feminist revolution hasn't helped normal male-female interaction; at least sexual interaction. Certainly some homosexuals of both sexes find themselves unable to compete, i.e., weaker males who are not found attractive by the opposite sex and unattractive females who find it almost impossible to find a suitable male to mate with. Again, one has to assume that in the 'good old days' of an ancient, primitive culture, weaker males simply did not survive the hardships. Unattractive females without the support of a strong hunter/gatherer, left on their own to fend, simply perished. While it may sound cruel, we have to accept the fact that the mating of the strongest and most attractive of the species is what ensured its very survival. So, in a perfect world. One thing that screws up the perfect world; is clothing mandates. We men can't go around with our dicks hanging out for female inspection; well, except on the beach. Clothing makes it impossible for the female to demonstrate her readiness to conceive. Stupid women's magazines with inane articles about 'how to show him you are interested' don't help matters. Still, female fashion of the day is certainly intended to accent; 'display'; the female posterior. It's latent and subconscious. It's like saying, 'I know you can't actually see my labia; but trust me, it's there, it's engorged and my vulva is open and ready for your cock.' Think back to the number of times a woman becomes interested in a man and finds every excuse to 'show her ass' so to speak. Again; forget the tits. In the good old days they were seldom covered and there was little male fascination with them. Baby formula hadn't been invented. Young women frequently turn their backs on a dance partner; if they have decided that the male in question is prime mating material. I can remember one time going to pick up my kids after my divorce; my exwife climbed the stairs back to her new apartment, just as I settled behind the wheel, swaying her posterior provocatively as she ascended. I wasn't sure if she was having second doubts about the divorce; or simply trying to be cruel, saying: 'see what you're missing.' The first time I met my second wife; keep in mind, we've now been married for over twenty years; she unconsciously presented. We had talked on the phone a number of times but never actually met. We still laugh about the fact that she decided to bend over to retrieve a file from a lower file drawer just as I entered her office. She was wearing these hounds-tooth pants. She still has an amazing ass; and the bending over stretched the fabric alluringly over her butt. I distinctly remember my dick twitching; and deciding that I was going to nail that hot little babe. A number of years ago a buddy and I were flying military aircraft across the country and ended up staying in a west Texas city for a few days awaiting repairs on our aircraft. We rented a car and drove around, finding an all-nude diner. Out of curiosity we went in. To our surprise the girls were almost universally young and attractive. While there were certainly food sanitation issues, it was a very interesting experience. As our young waitress bent over the counter to give the kitchen our order, my buddy and I were spell bound as she thrust her pert young cheeks back and her sweet little cunt was in full view. "That's what I'm talking about!" he said with a leer. "In a perfect world, when a guy sees a sweet young thing bent over like that, he'd just go over and mount her; there'd be a law requiring him to do so." I've had more than one erotic dream about such a world. Sadly, the closest I ever came to it was Thailand many years ago. Three of us had ferried some aircraft over from Vietnam and were staying over waiting on the aircraft we were going to fly back. Thanks to maintenance delays and a monsoon, we got stuck in Thailand's major city for a couple of days. We ended up procuring some female companionship; the sex business in those days was legal, regulated and 'clean' over there. It was also absurdly inexpensive. Our driver and guide procured four quite attractive young women for us. We had rented a suite for something less than ten dollars a night in a four star hotel. The girls were sweet and friendly and spoke reasonable broken English. They figured out what we had in mind and were all naked within minutes of closing the business side of the deal. So, within a few minutes, I'm looking around and the debauchery is in full swing. One little hottie is riding one of my buddies on the floor, two others are double teaming another guy and eying me wondering when I'm going to jump in and the fourth one is on her knees sucking off my other buddy. Her ass is up in the air and her cheeks are spread. Her little hairless pussy is glistening. Her ass is moving in slow circles. My cock is bone hard. I walk over to them; my friend getting his knob polished wordlessly indicates that he doesn't care. She looks back at my hard cock and nods. I'm balls deep in that tight little Asian cunt in a flash. She's cute enough that I don't need to close my eyes and picture some girl from back home. She's either into it, or a damned fine little actress; she's making all the appropriate noises. This isn't about love or marriage, it's just about fucking; servicing the alpha males. The alphas expect you to display and present; there aren't going to be any cocktails or long walks on the beach. Sweet thing, you're just going to get cock; and lots of it. We were in our early twenties, perpetually horny and deprived, after too many months in a war zone. We ordered room service and fucked those sweet little Asian whores constantly for twenty-four hours and not once did we hear, 'not tonight, I have a headache.' I was not trying to impress this girl; I'll never see her again, and if I suck in the fucking department she'll neither care nor let on. No dinner, no five dates with increasing activity and no long kissing sessions or sweet nothings in her ear. This is just primal shit. Mount the bitch and fuck her. It's all about me getting off and enjoying myself. No guilt, no touchy-feely bullshit. It's fucking prehistoric. She's receptive, I'm hard; she exists for one reason in the world; to make me feel good by getting me off. I almost ended up going to Thailand for a full tour; unfortunately I ended up back in Vietnam for a second tour; but I did get back to Thailand a few times, if only for an overnight. Lots of guys actually stationed there had multiple, full time, live in babes who, in addition to cooking and cleaning for them, fucked them on demand any time of the day or night. I'm not sure any marriage could have survived a tour of duty in Thailand. What Would I Do? I often wonder what I would do, if something happened to my wife? I love her to death and she really is my closest friend. We do everything together. She travels; by air; too damned much. If something happened to her, I'm just not sure I'd have the patience to 'jump back in the game' and find another wife. I doubt that I could find one as perfect as my bride of the last twenty-some years. We're terribly set in our ways. A foreign mail order bride might be an answer. I'm financially secure; I could certainly afford it. Then again, there are so many horror stories about mail order brides and then of course there is a certain stigma in this society; for both participants. Ultimately she would end up becoming westernized and completely fucked up and I'd probably have to replace her just about the time I had her trained to my liking. Mexico is becoming crime ridden and politically unstable. Asian mail order brides have their own issues and end up being corrupted by our society. I haven't been to Thailand in decades but I suppose it would be worth a look although I've heard things have changed for the worse. I'd miss my friends and my kids; I'd miss the good old U S of A. Still the idea of posting on eHarmony and then sorting my way through a series of plastically rearranged gold diggers makes me nauseous. Why does it have to be so damn complicated? I don't need a maid, I’m an excellent cook, and don't need taking care of. I'm not cruel or abusive and don't drink to excess, or do drugs. I can offer an above average quality of life; but! If, God forbid, something should happen to my wife; I'm positive I don't want another one! I'm not excited about getting into the modern dating scene, and everything it involves. I'm just looking for a decent, regular and reasonably attractive piece of ass, preferably first thing in the morning, and again before nodding off; with an occasional blowjob at lunch. You don't have to like my friends, and I don't even have to meet yours. Now sure, there's always the chance that we might actually develop a genuine affection, find out that we really enjoy each other's company outside of sex; and then, who knows? Marriage wouldn't be out of the question, I suppose. But don't be surprised at the prenuptial agreement. Still, I was thinking; you'd keep your own house; and job. Dinner out, or a movie on occasion; why not. At the end of the day, all of that would be just window dressing. At my core I'm just prehistoric. I want a reasonably attractive female in close proximity; who will present her luscious rump at regular intervals and not give me a ration of shit when I pull down her drawers and/or flip up her skirt and drill her cunt with a stiff dick. I know, I know, you'd like to cum too; no problem. I'm not that prehistoric. By Dinsmore for Literotica This post is part of the How To Sex podcast. Subscribe in your favorite apps.

What should a man know before he dates a nymphomaniac? With Clint Jahn & Olivia Bury. Listen to the podcast at How To Sex. Most people do not understand nymphomania. It’s real, but it’s not a mythological magic power. Nor is a Satyriasis. There is a vast difference between a woman who enjoys sex and has a high sex drive and a nymphomaniac. When referring to a man with the same obsessive sexual compulsion, the correct term is: satyriasis.Nymphomania is reserved for females.The overarching behavioral term is hyper-sexuality. Let’s look at what Wikipedia has to say;Hypersexuality is extremely frequent or suddenly-increased sexual urges or sexual activity. Hyper-sexuality is typically associated with lowered sexual inhibitions. Hyper-sexuality can be caused by some medical conditions or medications. Medical conditions such as bipolar disorders can give rise to hyper-sexuality, and alcohol and some drugs can affect social and sexual inhibitions in some people. A number of theoretical models have been used to explain or treat hyper-sexuality. The most common one, especially in the popular media, is the sexual addiction approach, but sexologists have not reached any consensus. Alternative explanations for the condition include compulsive and impulsive behavioral models.The International Classification of Diseases of the World Health Organization includes Excessive Sexual Drive, which is divided into satyriasis for males and nymphomania for females, and Excessive Masturbation.But perhaps those mythological characters are tools of fantasy by people who’ve become obsessed and driven by inner psychiatric conditions.The American Psychiatric Association (APA) considered and rejected a proposal to add sexual addiction to its list of psychiatric disorders, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). A proposal to include a diagnosis called hypersexual disorder, simply describing the symptom without implying any specific theory, is under consideration for inclusion in the appendix of the DSM, but not in the main list of official diagnoses. This means that the descriptives are not the illness, but manifested traits of the illness.Some people call nymphomania ‘sex addiction’, because it can manifest as a destructive compulsion. These people will make unhealthy choices and engage in high risk behaviors to fulfill their desires, which are barely under control. In many ways it is similar to alcoholism, with the recklessness and shame and damage that goes along with that.Okay, enough of the medical and psychological talk. Let’s talk about how to respond to a person whom you’re suspecting has a compulsive behavior.C. R. Jahn was in a relationship with a college classmate.It starts out absolutely thrilling. It can meet & surpass all of a virile 22 year old man’s fantasies; for a short while.It is theoretically possible to have a healthy monogamous relationship with a nymphomaniac, as long as you engage in open honest communication about your mutual needs and expectations. You will be expected to have sexual relations with her at least three times a day and your cunnilingus skills need to be top tier, otherwise just forget about monogamy because that probably isn’t going to happen. Sorry.I was engaged to a nymphomaniac for about a year and a half once. Everything was great for the first six month. but as soon as I started working over 40 hours a week, things went toxic and rapidly spiraled downhill. Like an alcoholic, they will lie and sneak and place blame on you for their mistakes.I dated a few other nymphomaniacs. One was 100% loyal until I needed to leave the state for a few months. I do not blame her one bit. I expected it. It wasn’t her. It was her illness. She was the primary victim of a hideous and psychotic mental crisis.Nymphomania is often the result of any of the following;· long-term child sexual abuse and is frequently comorbid with· borderline personality disorder,· bipolar disorder, or· addiction issues.These are mentally ill or damaged people who struggle to maintain a facade of normalcy. Sometimes they have the willpower and fortitude to control their cravings. Usually, they end up destroying everything around them. Many of them end up losing their job, home, driver license, custody of their children, and any vestige of their reputation.Bipolar Disorder can happen to anyone, at any stage of life, and the onset is most frequent in young adults.Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex psychiatric condition marked by intense emotional reactivity, unstable relationships, and impulsivity. One manifestation of this impulsivity can be hypersexuality, a behavior characterized by a significantly increased interest in or engagement with sexual activity. A high occurance of BPD is observed in teens who were sexually abused at a young age. Some believe it is the one chronic mental ‘illness’ that a predator can inflict on a victim. It is also associated with post-traumatic stress from sexual abuse.The Sex is perhaps great, but it should not be your primary objective. When your entire life revolves around satisfying your sexual urges you are going to make unhealthy decisions. Most of us know better than to engage in sexual relations with coworkers, neighbors, your partner’s friends, or random strangers. Often a nymphomaniac will not make these distinctions. A lot depends on their willpower and mental stability. Some have it under control, many do not.A lot of women are wrongfully accused of being nymphomaniacs due to being openly sex positive and unashamed of it. Other women mistakenly self-identify as nymphomaniacs because they love sex. True nymphomania is an illness which negatively impacts their life. Fortunately, it is also somewhat rare. If a girl has never had public sex in front of strangers or had anonymous sex with a man she did not know, she probably is not a nymphomaniac. The girls I knew would think nothing of participating in a spontaneous gangbang or fucking someone’s dog, laughing the whole time like it was a big joke. In retrospect, I feel sorry for these women.Famous NymphsSir Laurence Olivier and his wife, Vivien Leigh, were Hollywood Royalty. They appeared to have it all; talent, beauty, status, awards, recognition. They were the top of the A-list.Unfortunately, Vivien Leigh suffered from bipolar disorder, then known as being manic-depressive. Her costars often had difficulty working with her due to her manic episodes which created a great deal of tension on the set.Vivien’s greatest fear were the bouts of depression. She was terrified of becoming suicidal. At some point, she came to the conclusion that the only way to prevent the depression was to have a great deal of sex. As long as she could continue to achieve release through sex she could keep the depression at bay.In the brain, a sexual orgasm triggers the release of a chemical called dopamine. It’s a natural mood-enhancing part of being a healthy person. The other related chemicals in the brain are serotonin and norepinephrine. These are self-balancing in a healthy person, but can become radically imbalanced in a mood disorder. Sex can give a short term spike of contentment to a person suffering severe clinical depression. But a bipolar person can also be at the other extreme, having so much dopamine and feeling a rush similar to a cocaine trip. It’s beyond euphoric. The person will tell you they’ve never felt better. They will often lack all self-awareness and resent any suggestion that they need help, or need to change their behavior. Bipolar Disorder affects men and women in relatively equal numbers.Vivian’s husband, Olivier, did his best but he has been quoted later, as saying, “You know, she was a nymphomaniac. And I’m a premature ejaculator. Not a good match-up.” In order for their marriage to continue, Olivier stood back while Vivien took on many lovers to help her condition.Sadly, their arrangement took its toll and they ended their 20 year marriage in 1960. Vivien Leigh, the legendary star of stage and film, was branded a nymphomaniac, a derogatory word meaning sex addict. This brought her more condemnation than sympathy or real help.In 1950, after a party at Director George Cukor’s home in the Hollywood Hills, all the celebs present entertained illicit passion for a price.In a biography, “Reframing Vivien Leigh”, the author notes that Ms. Leigh had every social disease known to mankind at the time. Her list of conquests go from Robert Taylor thru Peter Finch.To read her story is to be inspired with pity and terror. She fought a lifelong battle with bipolar. Evidence of her delicate condition surfaced long before that incident. An open secret throughout British and American film circles.Actress Sarah Miles became a very close friend to Olivier, after his divorce from Vivian. Decades later, Miles described a crisis she later had to confide to Olivier.Sarah says she got a chance to see Vivien’s seething jealousy and sexual appetite for young men up close in 1963 when she landed a bit part in "The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone" starring Leigh, then 48, and 24-year-old Tinsel Town hunk Warren Beatty.When womanizing Beatty spied 20-year-old Sarah in her sex kitten leather costume, Beatty began firting with Sarah.Suddenly Sarah found Vivien’s “vixen eyes glued to either Warren or me all day. It was obvious to me they were having an affair,” she recalls. “I found Vivien to be a distinctly brittle, dark and jealous woman.” Miles, says Olivier finally admitted Leigh was a nut job in 1963, when she was in a play he was directing in London’s old Vic theatre.One morning, Sarah was looking exhausted when she arrived on set; and confessed to Olivier that she was having to deal with her young actress roommate, who was “a manic-depressive, schizophrenic nymphomaniac” and kept her up with mobs of men parading through their apartment.“Well, well, what a coincidence,” Olivier said and told her, “Vivien had been diagnosed with exactly the same three conditions.“ The more we compared notes, the closer we became, for we both shared the utter despair, the unimaginable frustration and hopelessness of wrestling with such pitiable creatures.”A ConfessionNow let’s hear from a woman in recovery from her mental illness and resulting nymphomaniac behavior.Olivia Bury tells us her personal story of coping and recovery.I’ve been diagnosed for 5 years with Bipolar Type 1, the kind that has longer and deeper cycles with mania and even psychosis.As someone with Bipolar 1, I have extreme difficulty recognizing when I'm in the thick of an episode. The disorder pretty much takes all my judgement, self-awareness, and general clarity from me and smashes it. It's why I rely rather heavily on friends, family, and professionals to help me recognize my prodromal symptoms so I can get help early.The mania is often the most destructive aspect to my illness as it starts by giving me a false sense of wellbeing. Slowly, my energy builds and I find myself spending several nights at a time awake investing myself in learning new topics such as mathematics, physics, or technology to an obsessive degree. I feel oppressed by my medication and quickly stop taking it to get higher. I begin writing music and creating art that in these moments I honestly believe are revolutionary.I exercise excessively with my intense energy and find myself rolling in euphoria. My budgets and finances are trashed as I take to getting piercing, tattoos, clothes, raves, alcohol, and drugs. I immerse myself in what I call ‘carnal rage’. My ultimate goal is to burn bright and fast by indulging almost any vice there is. Hyper-sexuality leaves me a hungry nymphomaniac, where I wake in the mornings with one or many people in my bed. Often times I wake up not even knowing where I am or how I got there with several strangers.I stop going to work, and my random untold absences often lead to my getting fired which only serves to worsen my finances. As I crawl towards psychosis, I end up getting more irritable and chaotic. The world slows down while I speed up and I find myself frustrated with those that can't keep up. I am extremely vulnerable to being taken advantage of and pick up the most unsavory individuals that upon my return to stability torture me. I end up back in the realms of paranoia and delusion. I become a god or some escaped experimental subject or soldier on a mission to save the world. I am hunted by cults and evil scientists. I am swallowed by chaos, euphoria, irritation, and delusions of grandeur paired with magical thinking.Porn Industry Exploits Some people are fully aware of their disorder and behavior, but seek to direct it for their own benefit. Taylor & Tatiana Russo were interviewed for a publicity campaign in their pornography ventures.The two talked about the driving hyper-sexuality which keeps them in the sex industry.Taylor explains; “I shoot some fetish content for my boyfriend who owns a bondage company. Regardless of that, I always feel like a virgin about to get deflowered before every shoot. When I shoot with my sister, it's not about trying to compete against her. If that was the case, I would have just continued shooting on my own. “Tatiana added; “I like doing things for shock value. She does whatever comes to her head at the moment. Once we made the decision to work together, we might as well do the best that we can. Teamwork! I mainly hope that our bipolar mood swings manage to hit the ‘get along’ mark, because those are the moments that we forget about morals and just go with the flow.”When asked; “How did you arrive to the decision that making adult movies was the right choice for you?”Taylor chuckled; “Ha, I'm a nymphomaniac. I’m narcissistic, love fucking, money. Seems to make sense to me.”Satyriasis, or male counterparts of Nymphomaniacs Now, to put the issue in an accurate context, let’s be clear. Men can also suffer conditions that manifest hyper-sexuality. Let’s hear from a man who wishes to remain anonymous.Yes, I am, but I have slowed down somewhat in my older age. But for 42 years I was diagnosed with so many errant conditions, until I came to the happy diagnosis of hyper-sexuality.I am male. I am not a mythical beast. I have been called an addict but, unlike the perception of a kind of sex addict ending up beaten and on the streets, a punk sub, I functioned. I was a participant - a wise and sly and manipulative director - in my hyper-sexuality. I operated for the majority of my life in a manic state. A few of the people dealing with bipolar brain issues will become understood as ‘unipolar’. I happen to be one of those. No bipolar crap, as I have never been depressed; and I was seen as driven, happy, kind, witty, very smart, fun to be with, sympathetic, never overbearing, emphatic, even.I subjected myself to psychiatry during all of those years. Manic Depressive was my first diagnosis, I think. I saw the same shrink for those first 12 years and we waited and waited and waited from the ‘depression’ to come; but it never did.I lived a controlled manic existence; I felt the tightness and grip in my body, the need of release or death every hour, but I, well, stumbled upon a solution, or solutions, early and satisfied the urgency of my needs with no need for recourse to dangerous sexual practices.By “dangerous” sexual practices, I don’t mean to imply that my appetites did not escalate into needs that furthered my homosexual & bisexual encounters. I do not know of anyone who is hypersexual who is not bisexual, usually beginning at a very young age. My needs escalated into multiple partners, Dom & Sub relationships and forays into bloody sadomasochist roles. I was Traveling through the U S and Europe to full-scale orgies.If there is a spot of narcissism in hyper-sexuality, for me it was staying in shape, not so much to remain being attractive but in order to maintain the strength and stamina to enjoy eight to ten orgasms a day. Masturbation could not satisfy me, not at all. I needed others. There is the magic word, need.I don’t believe in satyrs and nymph fantasies. I’m not ever certain than ‘mania’ is an illness any more than having the drive, and all that is entrenched in that word; to be successful, is an illness.Some in the dark arts of psychiatry are uncertain that hyper-sexuality is an illness. Some in the dark arts of human sexuality are unable to pinpoint what is normal, what is a normal sexual drive, how many orgasms do normal men and women have in one day or one week!A married couple, or two partners in a monogamous relationship? After two years of commitment, do they really only have sex three times in one week? That sounds monstrous to me. Sick and unsound.Don’t think that we do not fall in love. Don’t think for one minute that we don’t appreciate higher, less base qualities in others. We simply have needs more urgent than discussions of 19th-century French literature.Another questioner asked what it felt like to be hyper-sexual. My answer would be that it either feels how you want it to feel or, maybe, it feels like any life task in which you fail or succeed. More the latter, I guess. If you cannot earn enough money to feed your family I am guessing that you would feel that you have failed a task that you needed to succeed; and I suppose that you would feel some anxiety and sadness and a failure. So it is with hyper-sexuality - a singular life task of great need and if you are able to satisfy that need then you win, you are not a failure.This society has no interest in male hyper-sexuality; but rather has a fascination with female hyper-sexuality: the nymphomaniac. Those failed whores who fuck their way into a bloody gutter because, well, that’s what happens to whores, right? The female porn models that grow old and advise younger women to stay away from porn because it destroys your heart. They are our public whores. Hypersexual males - we satyrs - are looked upon as lucky! Just a man who gets a lot of pussy.I also think that the ‘what does it feel like to be hypersexual’, questioner, may have wanted to know about the sex. A little titillation, maybe. The sex? It is good, it fulfills needs. Of course the sex is good. Unshackled."Bipolar folks will understand, I'm sure. Will others? It's hard to know. Some will be inclined to want to understand. Others will think I'm making this up and I'm rationalizing bad behavior. What I really want, though, is to change the way psychiatry and psychology and society see this behavior."Clarity on the Bipolar diagnosisDiagnosing a mood disorder is based on a person’s departure from their own baseline behavior. It’s not based on whether it fits into a cultural or societal norm of the masses. If a person is always a sex fiend, It’s just a behavioral observation; a personality feature. But when a person who used to be reserved and discreet, becomes uninhibited, compulsive, and manifesting insatiable & risky behavior, It’s clear that they are ‘not themselves.’ That’s completely separate from the issue of whether they fit in with our societal expectations. They don’t fit in with their own established norms.A bipolar person can be very persuasive and rationalize everything. They are truly the last person to know that they have a crisis.A woman responded the account of the hypersexual man we just heard from.I read this answer when it was first posted and sobbed. I cried because the majority of the post is dead-on . It's taken me a month to be able to address this question, and I can't, or won't fully explain everything that's happened in my life, but I am the female version of this person.I wasn't diagnosed until pretty recently. I am 40-something. Yes, I needed intense connections with other people on every level: intellectually and spiritually, but especially sexually.Hyper-sexuality is definitely about a different kind of intense connection, but it is definitely about the sex, too. Different bodies. Different needs. A different kind of fulfillment, or not. This behavior started in college; I held onto my cherished virginity until then. That was truly difficult.The need to connect, to be stimulated by someone, is ever-present. A pattern emerged; serial monogamy. Onto the next long-term boyfriend. I would exhaust him, in every sense of the word, or find another who could try to be all things, all the time, to be several men at once.But even during a relationship, pursuit of other men, their pursuit of me, or preferably, all of the above, was wonderfully explosive. Enough sex, seemingly. Then not. Never, ever enough.The hyper-sexuality happens during the manic stage. If you're manic and you were seeking sex, the end of that relationship doesn't really affect you. The downside is, when a relationship goes awry, and he's someone more long term, or someone you were more attached to, it can trigger a depressive episode. And then, one of two things: Depression leading to complete avoidance of sex, or depression leading to sex to fuck away your depression. Sort of like the famed actress Vivian Leigh, who fucked random men as a desperate means of avoiding suicidal despair.Guess which one is worse. The tailspin can be swift and the depression profound and prolonged. And living just seems like an impossibility, sometimes for months. How people survive this is beyond me. How I lived through this; I don't even know. I self-medicated and should be dead several times over. Street drugs, including booze.To answer the question, why are bipolar people hypersexual? I guess the best analogy would be "Why do people eat?" It's biological and not something you can control. You just have a need; your body tells you what it needs, and you respond. Sometimes there are obsessive Compulsive manifestations, like over-eaters, going on spending sprees, workaholics, and other behaviors.Fast forward some years to modern times and post-diagnosis: taking a few different kinds of meds. One of these meds impairs your memory, the other two deaden your libido. It's like I still have the drive but maybe not the impulsiveness to act out because the mania is controlled.Not a controlled substance, but a substance that controls.And then there’s the possible side effects of the psychotropic drugs that my doctor’s had me try. Eventually I found a combo that I’m content with, but it’s taken a lot of effort, patience, and teamwork. I need a competent healthcare and counseling team, and a supportive circle of friends and family, who provide the feedback that I and my medical team can rely on.For people who see an opportunity for a great fuck with a hypersexual; Please look in the mirror first. If you’re going to exploit someone whose illness puts their life in danger; You might be a more pathetic person than they are. And they have an illness to blame. You don’t. Go pay a hooker for cheap sex, because at least the hooker has a business model.If you’ve found yourself in what’s becoming more clearly an unhealthy sexual hookup, Offer your partner the most valuable gift you can offer. Your honest perspective and deepest caring assistance, if they will avail themselves of your offer. Trust me, sex will become even more fulfilling, when a hypersexual regains full control of their sex drive.