Intimate Judaism

Many Jewish young adults reach their wedding night with almost no real guidance on intimacy and sexuality. Rabbi Scott Kahn and sex and relationship therapist Talli Rosenbaum open the series by explaining why these conversations need to start years before the chuppah, and what's ahead in the next nine episodes. The remaining nine episodes of Intimacy and Sexuality for Emerging Adults will drop this Saturday night, August 8th. Subscribe today on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts.

If you are on the autism spectrum, or know or suspect your spouse may be, intimacy and communication may present challenges. In this episode, Talli and Rabbi Scott speak with Tzippora Price, an expert on neurodivergent couples, to learn more. They identify some of the behaviors associated with Autism Spectrum Disorder, as well as some challenges that may occur when one spouse is neurodivergent (and whether these problems can likely be avoided if both spouses have ASD). They also address problems unique to Orthodox Jews on the spectrum, how these issues affect a couple's sex life, and some mechanisms for overcoming these challenges.

Many contemporary how-to guides to Jewish marriage in the Orthodox world encourage husbands to shoulder full responsibility for their wives' happiness at the expense of their own. In the yeshiva world this is known as "being mevater." Though teaching young men to be unconditionally kind and respectful to their wives sounds progressive, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss the potential problems with this approach.

In our latest Q&A episode, Talli and Scott address some of the many questions submitted by listeners regarding Judaism and intimacy. Among the issues they discuss are repairing sexuality after 15 years of "doing it wrong," consensual threesomes, sex therapy versus couples therapy, when a wife wants sex more than her husband, tubal ligation, looking at porn to get in the mood, and much more. To watch Talli's webinar on Relationship Renewal, Commitment, & Forgiveness in Elul, click here. Visit IntimateJudaism.com for the full podcast archive, shownotes, a free men's mikvah checklist, and more.

The discourse on marital intimacy and sexuality in Judaism has become a normative topic of conversation. Rabbanit Shayna Goldberg, an educator and spiritual advisor at Migdal Oz, a Midrasha of higher learning for young women in Gush Etzion, believes that conversations about desire, sex and sexuality are relevant for unmarried women as well, and not just as part of premarital education after they have become engaged. In this episode, we discuss the importance of normalizing and addressing issues of sexuality for single women.

The infamous "Sex Strike" was recently spearheaded by influencer Adina Miles, AKA "Flatbush Girl," in order to apply communal pressure to men and their rabbis to free Malky Berkowitz, who has been refused a get for four years. This initiative has created a great deal of outrage in Jewish Orthodox communities, and the "responsa" on social media platforms has been passionate and robust. Some have expressed concern that withholding sex, even for one night, is liable to destroy more marriages. Others see the outrage as the problem, and point out the lack of such fury over get refusal. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they discuss the desperate need for immediate solutions to prevent and free agunot, as well as the drawbacks of this form of protest.

In many Orthodox communities, premarital sex education taught by Kallah teachers is limited to ensuring wedding night "success" and encouraging strict observance of Nidah laws in order to "guarantee" sexual satisfaction. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they interview two Kallah instructors, Dr. Hadassah Fromson and Dr. Yosefa Wruble, who discuss how they integrate discussions about sexual pleasure and satisfaction together with promoting commitment to traditional observance. Sharing their research and anecdotal experiences, they demonstrate that religion and sex positivity are not contradictory, but are in fact complementary.

When there are desire discrepancies between couples, women are often identified as the partner with less sexual desire. Yet the experience of desire may be different for men and women, and the expectation that desire should be equally matched can create feelings of frustration and rejection. The right question may not be "Why doesn't she want?" but rather, "What does she want and how does she want it?" In this episode we discuss the fluidity of female desire, how biological and hormonal factors play a role, the differences between spontaneous and responsive desire, and the difference between cognitive motivation and biological drive.