Love & Cherish Podcast with Laura How

In a sex positive marriage, both partners experience greater feelings of intimacy and aliveness. These marriages are filled with more joy, connection, excitement and laughter than their sexually dull counter parts. Developing and maintaining a sex positive attitude is important for the quality of not only our marriages, but also every other aspect of our health as human beings. To develop this sexual positivity, some of us will need to embark on a journey if we haven't yet done so. Perhaps a journey of healing, increased awareness, of analysis, and of self-acceptance. We might have to ask ourselves why we feel so negatively about this aspect of our nature. We might have to address our own hang-ups or deal with past negative sexual experiences. We might have to consider what the people around us taught us to think about sex. We might also have to question the cultural narrative around what sex in marriage really looks like and have the courage to create something entirely different for ourselves.

If your marriage is unfulfilling and your husband or wife is refusing to engage in a healthy way, then you need to take responsibility for its recovery and lead by example. If our marriages have been unhappy for some time, it’s likely that many of the things we already tried did not work, and it’s probably time that we try something new. As the old saying goes, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. It will become increasingly difficult for a lazy or mean-spirited spouse to dictate the terms of your marriage if you are physically, emotionally and spiritually fit. If you are consistently meeting their needs and they continue to dismiss yours, then I would argue you have a martial obligation to protest. In a healthy marriage each spouse keeps the other on their toes. You’re meant to inspire and support each other to grow and develop as individuals so that your union becomes a force stronger than the sum of its parts. You’re meant to be a team.

The socially acceptable addiction to news, entertainment and social media is contributing to the deterioration of our mental health, creativity, physical well-being and relational intimacy. BOOK A SESSION ▶▶▶ https://laurahow.com/online-counselling/ Putting our screens down isn’t going to be easy, they are obviously hugely addictive to us. But, if they’re a problem for you currently, you can make some simple steps in the right direction today. -Put your phone in the glove box when you arrive at the restaurant. -Leave it at home when you go for a walk. -Enforce a ‘no phones at the table’ or/and ‘no phones in the bedroom’ rule at home. -Turn off notifications. -Set App Time Limits. -Turn your phone off at the same time everyday and leave it off. -Notice when you unconsciously reach for your device and make a decision to leave it where it is. Use screens the way a moderate drinker might choose to use alcohol. Mindfully, in moderation and with an awareness that too much is bad for your health.

The key to solving conflict problems in marriage lies in our capacity as a husband or wife to address them as a team. This requires commitment to truth and open communication. In a healthy marriage, each partner understands that the relationship needs to be discussed, and each person feels safe to bring their concerns to the other. In a healthy marriage no topic is off limits. Whether it’s time together, money, division of labour, sex or anything else; every area of your shared life should always be open for discussion. You both must be able to ask for what you need, listen with interest to what your partner needs and have tough conversations about difficult issues as often as needed. It doesn’t matter if it’s you that’s conflict avoidant or if it’s your partner. If your marriage falls short of these simple benchmarks, then YOU have work to do. BOOK A SESSION ▶▶▶ https://laurahow.com/online-counselling/

If you’re stuck in an unhappy marriage with a spouse that doesn’t appear to care about you, and for whatever reason, you can’t or won’t leave then as far as I can see, you have two choices. SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER ▶▶▶ https://laurahow.com/newsletter-signup/ We are supposed to give our partners the best of ourselves, not the worst. Exceptional relationships are created by individuals that are radiating health and wellbeing. If your partner is dysfunctional in some way, then they are damaging to you and to your family if you have children. Addressing such issues successfully is part of a healthy marriage.

Withholding is an expression of conditional love, whereby the withholder refuses to provide their partner with an emotional or physical need unless certain conditions are met. Withholding examples: • Stonewalling or ‘The Silent Treatment.’ • Withholding sex or physical affection. • Refusing offers of physical affection. • Failing to celebrate your partners achievements. • Avoiding deep or meaningful conversations. • Withholding verbal expressions of love or affection. • Refusing to comfort your partner in times of need. If you recognise any of these behaviours in yourself, or in your partner then this podcast is for you.

Why exactly do so many women stop having sex with their husbands? Is it due to a lack of care for their men, or is it because they have withdrawn over time because THEY don’t feel cared for? To help you work this out for your specific situation, I’ve put together a list of common reasons wives stop wanting to have sex with their husbands. The more you can eliminate from this list the better, but one or more might apply to you. I encourage you to address them consistently over the coming months and see how your love life changes.

This week I’m going to share with you 5 ways you could add more fulfilment to your life.

Are YOU a good partner? A good husband? A good wife? There seems to be a lot of talk about bad partners, but not so much about how to become GOOD or BETTER partners. I suspect, however, that if we thought more about whether WE are in fact good partners, our relationships would improve significantly. Set a positive example in YOUR relationship! Here is a list of 12 qualities a good partner or spouse should have. If all of these apply to you then congratulations, you are a good partner! If not, try to improve in a few areas for a month and watch how your relationship improves.

Relationships, like cars, require regular maintenance in order to keep running smoothly and to avoid breakdowns. We must commit to addressing problems as they arise. This is in fact part of good relationship maintenance. If our partner starts making a noise, or we do for that matter, usually in the form of some kind of unhappiness or dissatisfaction, we must take it seriously. We must be interested in what they or we are experiencing. We must set aside time to address the issue and commit to finding a solution. Today, I discuss 5 ideas to help you avoid relationship breakdown. #relationships #relationshipadvice #counselling

Self-regulation is a facet of emotional intelligence. It is the ability to engage control over our own thoughts, emotions, and impulses. It is at the heart of healthy and mature relationships. If our relationships are to survive, we need to develop a capacity to pause when we are faced with a difficult thought or feeling. Take some time to consider it before we act, so that we can decide what might be the best way forward. 1. Tune in to the moment. Pay attention to what is going on inside you. Are you thinking negative thoughts? Is there tension in your body? Notice such things without judgement. Practice mindful breathing as this will help you gain some space around the thoughts or feelings. 2. Practice cognitive reframing. This involves changing thought patterns which threaten to create bad feelings towards a more positive emotional outcome. 3. Start to increase your awareness and understanding that in every moment you have a choice in how you think, feel and therefore behave. It might feel as though this is not true, but it is. The more we show up and take responsibility for what we are bringing to the moment, the more empowered we are to act in healthy ways.

What is your relationship with yourself like? I ask many clients this question as it often occurs to me early on in our working relationship that people don’t appear to know themselves very well at all. The knowing of oneself is an essential aspect of the feeling of wholeness and a necessary component of authenticity. These feelings are worth striving for. They are a worthwhile goal and something meaningful to aim at. They are something of an ideal, as they protect us against such feelings as anxiety, depression, and hopelessness. Do the work. If you are young, middle aged or old. It is never too soon, and it is never too late.

In my work with couples, it is common to see each person attributing the cause of their unhappiness to their partner. One partner will insist they would be happy if only the other would just sort themselves out and become a better person. Part of my work involves helping the couple to consider what they each might be bringing to the relationship that is causing harm. He might need to honestly acknowledge his tendency to avoid conflict and withdraw when things get uncomfortable. He might benefit from considering that this could be because he was brought up by a family that never talked about feelings. She might need to learn not to criticise or sulk when she feels uncared for and to recognise that some of these feelings might have been caused by her relationship with her father who was often unavailable. Ultimately, we need to develop positive feelings towards our partners, which is difficult if our complaints about them are not balanced by some real awareness of our own shortcomings.