Modern Masculinity

Alex Charfen returns to share his transformative journey from business optimization to internal healing work. After coaching thousands of entrepreneurs to over $100 million in revenue, Alex took a sabbatical to focus on sexual shadow work, tantric practices, and processing childhood trauma. In this raw conversation, he reveals why men are systematically traumatizing themselves through pornography, how to create genuine emotional safety in relationships (not just physical or financial safety), and why the belief that "50% of your thoughts will always be negative" is fundamentally wrong. Alex explains the critical difference between suppression and containment, shares his experience overcoming abandonment issues through EMDR therapy, and offers practical guidance on rational self-pleasure practices that can rewire decades of conditioning. He challenges modern masculinity narratives and provides a roadmap for men to step into true presence, process their triggers, and create the secure attachment they've been seeking. This episode is essential listening for any man who wants to understand why emotional containment—not fixing, processing, or withdrawing—is the key to everything he wants in life.Chapters:(00:00:00) - The Emotional Safety Women Actually Need(00:03:40) - Why 50% Negative Thoughts Is a Lie You've Been Sold(00:07:15) - Processing Abandonment Issues: From Infant Surgery to Adult Anxiety(00:12:45) - The Four Safety Types (And Why You're Missing the Most Important One)(00:18:30) - Masculine Presence: What "Being Seen and Heard" Really Means(00:25:20) - The Modern Masculinity Crisis: Sharing From the Wound vs. Sharing From Healing(00:30:15) - Sexual Energy Transmutation: What Napoleon Hill Got Wrong(00:38:25) - Pornography's Hidden Cost: Instant Gratification, Hyperstimulation & the Victim Position(00:47:20) - The Rational Self-Pleasure Practice That Changes Everything(00:56:45) - Modern Masculinity Redefined: Presence Over PerformanceLinks And Resources:WebsiteAlex Charfen on LinkedInAmplafy MediaHector Santiesteban on LinkedIn:Hector Santiesteban on TwitterThanks so much for joining us this week. Want to subscribe to Modern Masculinity? Have some feedback you’d like to share? Connect with us on iTunes and leave us a review!

Cletus Coffey, former professional athlete turned men's coach, shares his journey from hiding behind athletic identity to discovering authentic masculinity. After a four-year career in the Canadian Football League and Arena Football League, Cletus faced an identity crisis when his career ended at 28. Through two divorces, single fatherhood with three children, and toxic relationships, he learned that true strength comes from vulnerability, not performance. Cletus discusses the epidemic of men suffering in silence, the importance of morning routines for single fathers, how triggers reveal unhealed wounds, and why most men struggle to answer "who are you?" without mentioning career or family. He introduces his Be The Torch program, designed to help men create lives they desire rather than fitting life into their business. This episode tackles the reality of modern masculinity: choosing freedom, vulnerability, and truth over societal programming and the exhausting performance of being someone you're not.Chapters:(00:00:00) - The Single Father's Reality: Morning Routines and Self-Care(00:01:00) - From Pro Athlete to Lost Identity: When Your Career Defines You(00:09:00) - Who Are You Really? The Question Most Men Can't Answer(00:13:00) - The Identity Crisis: Life After Professional Sports(00:18:00) - The Two Deepest Wounds All Men Carry: Abandonment and Worthiness(00:23:00) - Your Triggers Are Mirrors: What's Really Behind Your Anger(00:26:00) - The Morning Routine That Changed Everything for This Single Dad(00:32:00) - Co-Parenting After Divorce: From Anger to Collaboration(00:38:00) - The Difference Between Correction and Criticism in Parenting(00:42:00) - Why Men Are Suffering in Silence and What We Can Do About ItLinks And Resources:Cletus Coffey's Morning RoutineBook a Call with CletusCletus on LinkedInHector Santiesteban on LinkedInHector Santiesteban on TwitterThanks so much for joining us this week. Want to subscribe to Modern Masculinity? Have some feedback you’d like to share? Connect with us on iTunes and leave us a review!

John Ulsh was given a 3% chance of survival after a horrific car accident 17 years ago left him paralyzed, shattered his pelvis, broke his back, and forced him to endure over 45 surgeries. Told he'd never walk again, John defied the odds when his 10-year-old daughter told him she missed her "old daddy." What followed was an extraordinary journey of physical and mental transformation—from 90 milligrams of morphine twice daily to squatting 400 pounds and benching over 300. In this raw conversation, John shares the reality of survivor's remorse, the loss of his best friend to suicide, the dark periods where he wished he'd died, and the hard-won wisdom about commitment, falling in love with the process, and building a life worth living after tragedy. This isn't just an inspirational story—it's a tactical blueprint for overcoming setbacks, managing pain without narcotics, and understanding what it truly means to be a modern man who refuses to quit.Chapters:(00:00:00) - Introduction: The Man Who Survived the Impossible(00:03:00) - The Accident: 125 MPH Impact and 3% Survival Odds(00:09:00) - Finding Commitment When Everything Falls Apart(00:14:00) - Why Setbacks Don't Scare Him Anymore(00:20:00) - The Daughter Who Changed Everything(00:28:00) - Letting Go of Who You Were to Become Who You Need to Be(00:36:00) - Why Shortcuts and Quick Fixes Always Fail(00:42:00) - The Dark Years and Giving Yourself Grace(00:46:00) - His Best Friend's Suicide and 12 Years of Silence(00:54:00) - Defining Modern Masculinity: Self-Aware and UnapologeticLinks And Resources:John Ulsh's WebsitePre-order John's bookFollow John on YouTubeHector Santiesteban on LinkedInHector Santiesteban on TwitterThanks so much for joining us this week. Want to subscribe to Modern Masculinity? Have some feedback you’d like to share? Connect with us on iTunes and leave us a review!

Hector sits down with leadership coach and Dad Nation host Mitchell Osmond to explore what it truly means to be a present, purpose-driven man in today’s world. Together, they unpack the myth of work-life “balance,” discuss how to integrate leadership at home and in business, and reflect on how modern men can build a meaningful legacy through alignment, confidence, and intentional fatherhood. Mitchell shares his journey of breaking generational patterns, redefining success beyond titles, and learning how to “be a B-minus dad” in different seasons of life. With vulnerable storytelling, practical insights, and a mission-first mindset, this episode speaks directly to men ready to own their role at home and in the world.Chapters:00:00:00 - The Real Talk Begins: Meet Mitchell Osmond 00:01:48 - Shifting Gears: When Life Demands a Pivot 00:02:34 - Juggling Fatherhood and the Grind 00:03:48 - What Does It Mean to Be a Man Today? 00:07:02 - The Moments That Made Me 00:12:31 - Finding Yourself Without Losing Everything 00:17:41 - Showing Up, Even When It's Messy 00:28:52 - Fatherhood Isn’t a Role—It’s the Legacy 00:31:00 - Final Words and Where to Go Next Links And Resources:WebsiteDad Nation PodcastDad Nation on YouTubeHector Santiesteban on LinkedInHector Santiesteban on TwitterThanks so much for joining us this week. Want to subscribe to Modern Masculinity? Have some feedback you’d like to share? Connect with us on iTunes and leave us a review!

Hector sits down with Pablo—music producer and somatic breathwork practitioner—for a vulnerable conversation about navigating purpose, presence, and the paradox of modern masculinity. As a single man looking ahead to fatherhood, Pablo questions how much of his time should be spent on personal development versus being of service to others. Together, they explore the tension between self-work and contribution, the quiet weight of unrealized potential, and the profound shifts that happen when a man begins to ask, “What am I really doing with my energy?” Through honest dialogue and embodied wisdom, this episode offers a refreshing take on masculine growth, responsibility, and preparing for what's next—without losing who you are right now.Chapters:00:00:00 - Who Is Pablo? The Path Begins00:01:24 - The Quiet Battles Men Carry00:03:48 - Dating, Depth, and Masculine Energy00:07:43 - When Casual Isn’t Emotionless00:13:02 - Breathwork, Trauma, and Real Healing00:21:01 - Masculinity Reimagined: Final ReflectionsLinks And Resources:Pablo’s Music ProductionPablo’s Somatic BreathworkPablo on Instagram Hector Santiesteban on LinkedInHector Santiesteban on TwitterThanks so much for joining us this week. Want to subscribe to Modern Masculinity? Have some feedback you’d like to share? Connect with us on iTunes and leave us a review!

Hector welcomes Dr. Michael Brabant, a transformational psychologist and founder of Candor & Coherence, to explore what it really means to evolve as a man in today’s world. From confronting inherited patterns of stoicism and shame to understanding the power of emotional multiplicity through Internal Family Systems (IFS), this conversation is a masterclass in modern manhood. Michael offers real talk on the grind culture trap, the necessity of rest, and how true fulfillment comes not from chasing success, but from aligning with your soul. The episode calls on listeners to redefine strength—not as control or domination, but as the courage to feel deeply, grieve honestly, and live with unwavering authenticity. If you've ever felt like you were doing all the right things and still felt off-center, this episode might be the nudge your inner compass has been waiting for.Chapters:00:00:00 - A Different Kind of Masculine Conversation Begins00:00:37 - Why Your Inner Parts Might Be Running the Show00:01:59 - What Today’s Man Is Secretly Struggling With00:02:57 - How I Built a Business That Didn’t Betray My Soul00:04:32 - Escaping Survival Mode: The Real Upgrade00:07:48 - The Inner Voices That Shape Your Life00:12:07 - Masculine Archetypes Aren’t Just Theory00:15:39 - Why Men Must Grieve to Grow00:20:23 - The Real Process of Shedding Old Selves00:29:45 - What Rest Reveals About Who’s In Charge00:35:02 - Addiction, Avoidance, and Facing What’s Real00:43:04 - Rethinking Masculinity from the Inside OutLinks And Resources:Dr. Michael Brabant on LinkedInCandor and Coherence Hector Santiesteban on LinkedInHector Santiesteban on TwitterThanks so much for joining us this week. Want to subscribe to Modern Masculinity? Have some feedback you’d like to share? Connect with us on iTunes and leave us a review!