Mr. Nice Guy & the Broken Wife | Navigating Love and Intimacy After Past Abuse

Have you ever become painfully aware of a pattern you want to change only to find yourself repeating it anyway?In this episode, I'm exploring Stephen Covey's concept of the transition person: the person who changes the trajectory of their family by refusing to pass harmful patterns on to the next generation. But becoming that person requires more than awareness. It requires action.I talk about why understanding your wounds isn't the same as healing them, how self-awareness can sometimes become a sophisticated form of justification, and why real transformation happens when your desire for change becomes greater than your desire for comfort.You'll learn:What a transition person actually isThe difference between explanation and accountabilityThe four human capacities Covey teaches for lasting changeWhy knowledge alone rarely creates transformationHow to respond differently when you're triggered, defensive, or hurtWhat it looks like to break generational patterns in everyday lifeIf you've spent years reading the books, listening to the podcasts, or doing the inner work but still feel stuck in the same cycles, this episode will help you understand what comes next.Lasting change isn't built through awareness alone, it's built through the choices you make when old patterns feel easiest to follow. CTA:If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who's committed to creating a healthier future for themselves and the people they love.

Have you ever looked back on a past relationship, parenting decision, or mistake and thought, What was I thinking?In this episode, I'm talking about self-forgiveness, healing from shame, and why so many survivors use past mistakes as evidence against themselves.I share my own struggle with carrying shame after an abusive relationship, the powerful lesson that helped me stop judging my younger self, and the difference between guilt and shame in the healing process.We'll discuss:Why shame becomes identityHow perfectionism blocks growthSelf-forgiveness after abuseParenting guilt and regretHow to stop punishing yourself for the pastWhy seeing your mistakes differently is evidence of growthThe fact that you can see it now isn't proof that you failed. It's proof that you've grown. Interested in attending our Couples Retreat? Find all the details HERE

Why are women statistically more likely to end up in abusive relationships? And why do so many survivors continue struggling even after they’ve found a safe, loving partner?In this episode, I unpack the deeper relational patterns beneath abuse — not from a place of blame, but from a place of awareness and healing. I talk about how men and women are often socialized differently around connection, autonomy, emotion, and self-worth, and how those patterns can shape the dynamics inside a relationship.I also share how trauma, attachment wounds, and survival strategies can lead survivors to lose themselves in love — constantly managing, accommodating, shape-shifting, and taking responsibility for things that were never theirs to carry.Inside this conversation, we explore:Why survivors often believe they are “the problem”The difference between healthy connection and self-abandonmentHow over-functioning and emotional withdrawal create imbalanceWhy safe relationships can still feel difficult after abuseWhat it looks like to move from survival patterns into true intimacyHealing is not just about leaving a harmful relationship. It’s about learning how to be close to others without losing yourself in the process. If you find yourself struggling to overcome old patterns in your safe relationship, check out www.mynameiscourage.com for resources to support you in your growth.

If you’ve ever thought, “I know something needs to change… but I don’t know how without making things worse,” this episode is for you.In this conversation, Brent and I talk about why it feels so difficult to break patterns in your marriage, even when you can clearly see they’re not working.I share what it actually looked like to start changing my own behavior without any guarantee that Brent would change his. That “free fall” phase? It’s real. And it’s where most people turn back.We talk about:Why the “known hard” feels safer than the unknownHow the ego keeps you stuck in control (and conflict)The difference between real growth and subtle manipulationWhy trying to get your partner to change backfiresWhat it actually means to “clean up your side of the street”This episode will challenge the way you think about change in your relationship and give you a more grounded, honest path forward.If you’re ready to stop managing your partner and start creating real change, this is the work.Next step:If this conversation resonates, make sure you’re on my email list. That’s where I will be announcing the Fall retreat dates and early bird pricing first. Subscribe HERE

If conflict makes you shut down, apologize quickly, or question yourself, this isn’t insecurity.It’s survival.In this episode, I’m breaking down the tension between attachment and authenticity, and how childhood adaptations can quietly shape your marriage today. What helped you survive years ago may now be keeping you disconnected from yourself and from your partner.We’ll talk about people-pleasing, self-abandonment, and how to stay connected without losing who you are.If you’re ready to build intimacy that feels safe and honest, this episode will show you where to begin.Learn more about our couples retreat HERE. Price increases on Feb. 16!

What if your “clear expectations” are actually creating distance in your marriage?In this episode, I unpack the subtle but powerful shift that happens when expressing a desire turns into demanding agreement, and how this dynamic often stems from deeper wounds, especially for survivors of abuse. You’ll hear how I navigated this in my own relationship with Brent, why healthy disagreement matters, and how to express what you want without losing connection.If you’ve ever felt dismissed, hurt, or triggered when your partner doesn’t respond the way you hoped, this conversation will offer clarity, compassion, and a more honest path to intimacy.🔗 Want to explore this work more deeply? Learn about our upcoming couples retreat in April. More Details Here

For years, I believed I was broken because I was the wife who wanted nothing to do with sex. In this episode, we explore what it really means to be the lower desire partner in a relationship... and why it doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you.I talk about the dynamics of mismatched sexual desire and the emotional toll it can take on both partners in very different ways. I’ll also walk you through the difference between sexual desire and intimacy and why the distinction matters.Whether you're the higher or lower desire partner, this conversation will help you stop pointing fingers (at yourself or your partner) and start reclaiming your personal agency.🎟️ Curious about our upcoming couples retreat? Get more details HERE. Limited spots available.

In this episode, I talk about the dynamic that silently shapes and sometimes sabotages every marriage: the imbalance of responsibility. If you find yourself either taking the blame for everything or constantly defending your perspective, this pattern might be more familiar than you think (I’ve been on both sides).You’ll learn how trauma can lead us to overcorrect in relationships, why courage and consideration need to coexist, and how to use self-confrontation to rebuild intimacy without losing yourself.I share personal examples, including a story from my past abuse I’ve never told before, and walk you through the exact questions that help you stop owning what isn't yours or over-defending so you can move toward a healthier relationship.P.S. If intimacy has felt difficult after trauma, even in a safe and loving relationship, I’m now offering a new online course called Reclaiming Your Sexuality After Abuse, paired with one-on-one coaching. If you’re curious whether it’s a good fit, you can schedule a free Discovery Call with me HERE.