Neurodivergent Strategies for Late-Diagnosed Adults: The Divergent Paths Podcast

If you've spent your whole life being told you're so good at reading the room, this episode might reframe everything.Codependency is one of those words that gets thrown around casually, usually as a polite way of calling someone too needy. But for late-diagnosed and late-identified neurodivergent adults, the pattern looks entirely different, and it doesn't come from neediness. It comes from survival.In this episode, Dr. Regina McMenomy, Ph.D. and co-host Russ, break down what codependency actually is, where it came from as a clinical framework, and why neurodivergent people, particularly those who spent years masking without knowing it, are disproportionately likely to develop these patterns. When reading the room is how you stayed safe, outsourcing your sense of self to the people around you isn't a character flaw. It's an adaptive strategy. One that works, until it doesn't.Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!Book a Make it Make Sense Call with ReginaAbout Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhDRegina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks need after receiving their late diagnoses.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) gets talked about a lot in neurodivergent spaces, but there's a layer to it that most people miss: sometimes the pain isn't about rejection at all.In this episode, Dr. Regina McMenomy Ph.D. shares a personal story about sending a bid for connection and the moment everything went sideways, not because the response was unkind, but because it didn't match the emotional script she had already written in her head. That gap between anticipated response and actual response, it turns out, is its own distinct trigger for RSD.If you've ever felt a wave of hurt when someone's reaction didn't land the way you expected, even when nothing actually went wrong, this episode is for you.You'll take away:A new framework for understanding RSD triggers that go beyond perceived criticismWhy neurodivergent people sometimes "pre-feel" emotional responses, and what that revealsHow to separate emotional impact from intention without assigning blameA more compassionate lens on the part of you that keeps writing the scriptsSign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!Book a Clarity Call with ReginaAbout Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhDRegina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks need after receiving their late diagnoses.

You held it together all day: smiled at your coworkers, made small talk, kept the mask firmly in place. So why do you walk through your front door and completely fall apart? And why does the guilt that follows make everything worse?In this episode of Divergent Paths, Dr. Regina, PhD, sits down with Russ to unpack one of the most misunderstood experiences for late-diagnosed neurodivergent adults: unmasking at home. If you've ever snapped at the people you love most and immediately hated yourself for it, this episode is for you.What you'll learn:Why masking at work depletes your executive functioning and what that actually means when you walk through the front doorThe difference between the "unmasked you" and the dysregulated you (and why your family isn't actually seeing the real you either)How compounding shame and guilt make the next day even harderWhy your kids acting out at home is actually a sign of secure attachment not bad parentingHow to build trust and safety at home that allows everyone to regulate more effectivelyWhether you're ADHD, autistic, or newly diagnosed, Dr. Regina offers practical insight into breaking the exhaustion-snap-guilt cycle and building deeper, more authentic connections with the people you love.Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!Book a Clarity Call with ReginaAbout Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhDRegina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks need after receiving their late diagnoses.

Getting an ADHD diagnosis is supposed to make everything clearer. And in some ways, it does. It gives you language, validation, and a framework for understanding yourself.But what no one talks about is what comes next.In this episode of Divergent Paths, Dr. Regina Ph.D. and Russ unpack the quiet, often uncomfortable tension that shows up after a late ADHD or autism diagnosis. The space between who you used to be and who you’re becoming. The pull back toward old patterns that kept you safe, even when they cost you your sense of self.We talk about:Why diagnosis brings clarity, but not instant changeThe internal conflict between familiar behaviors and authentic choicesHow masking, people-pleasing, and overfunctioning impact relationshipsWhy some relationships deepen and others fall apartThe grief, guilt, and growth that come with unmaskingThis episode is especially for late-diagnosed neurodivergent adults navigating identity shifts, boundary-setting, and the reality that becoming yourself can disrupt the life you built while performing.Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!Book a Clarity Call with ReginaAbout Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhDRegina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks need after receiving their late diagnoses.

What does secure attachment actually look like in real life?For many late-diagnosed neurodivergent adults, the idea of a “secure relationship” can feel almost mythical. If you grew up masking, overthinking every interaction, or bracing for rejection, emotional safety may not have been something your nervous system learned early on.In this episode of Divergent Paths, Dr. Regina, Ph.D. and Russ explore what secure attachment really means and why it’s not about having perfect communication or conflict-free relationships. Instead, secure attachment is something you can build over time as your nervous system learns that connection can survive misunderstandings, difficult conversations, and moments when things go a little wrong.Dr. Regina walks through five practical steps that help move relationships toward greater emotional safety:• Recognizing your attachment patterns • Learning to regulate your nervous system before reacting • Naming your needs without apology • Practicing repair after conflict or misunderstanding • Choosing relationships that support security and mutual respectIf you’ve ever wondered whether secure attachment is possible for you—or how to move toward relationships that feel calmer, safer, and more supportive—this episode offers a compassionate roadmap.Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!Book a Clarity Call with ReginaAbout Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhDRegina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks in educational leadership and tech fields need when they receive their late diagnoses.

Do you crave connection but panic when you feel vulnerable?In this episode of Divergent Paths, Dr. Regina McMenomy, Ph.D., and Russ unpack fearful avoidant attachment (also called disorganized attachment) through the lens of late-diagnosed neurodivergence. If your inner world feels like a constant push-pull between “Don’t leave me” and “Don’t get too close,” this conversation will feel familiar.Fearful avoidant attachment combines the fear of abandonment seen in anxious attachment with the fear of intimacy common in avoidant attachment. For neurodivergent adults, especially those diagnosed later in life, this pattern can intensify due to chronic misattunement, masking, rejection sensitivity, and years of being corrected instead of understood.In this episode, we explore:How fearful avoidant attachment shows up in ADHD and autistic adultsWhy hypervigilance, hyperindependence, and masking amplify attachment anxietyThe connection between rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) and attachment patternsWhy stability can feel suspicious when inconsistency was your normHow impulsivity and nervous system activation drive relationship decisionsWhat it actually looks like to move toward secure attachmentDr. Regina shares a vulnerable, real-life example of how past relational trauma can hijack present-day decisions and how repair and regulation create real safety.If you’re a neurodivergent adult trying to untangle relationship patterns in real time, this episode offers both clarity and compassion. Your attachment style isn’t a character flaw. It’s information. And your nervous system can learn new patterns of safety.Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!Book a Clarity Call with ReginaAbout Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhDRegina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks in educational leadership and tech fields need when they receive their late diagnoses.

Have you ever sent someone a meme, a song, or a random TikTok… and then immediately spiraled when they didn’t respond?If you’re neurodivergent, those tiny “this made me think of you” moments aren’t random. They’re emotional bids for connection.In this episode of Divergent Paths, Dr. Regina McMenomy, Ph.D. explores why ADHD brains are wired for micro-connections and why something as small as an unread message can activate rejection sensitivity, anxious attachment, or demand avoidance.You’ll learn:Why associative thinking makes memes feel meaningfulHow ADHD object permanence impacts relationshipsThe difference between healthy micro-connection and hidden reassurance-seekingWhat happens when your “pebbling style” doesn’t match someone else’sHow anxious attachment and RSD can escalate tiny moments into big spiralsWe also talk about how entire friendships can grow from small, consistent bids for connection and why this style of relating isn’t childish, clingy, or too much.If sending a meme feels easier than saying “I miss you,” this episode will help you understand what your nervous system is really doing and how to make your bids for connection land in a healthy way.Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!Book a Clarity Call with ReginaAbout Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhDRegina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks in educational leadership and tech fields need when they receive their late diagnoses.

What if pulling away after connection isn’t so much about emotional unavailability but nervous system protection?In this episode of Divergent Paths, Dr. Regina McMenomy, Ph.D. unpacks avoidant attachment styles through a neurodivergent lens, exploring why closeness can trigger overwhelm instead of comfort for people with ADHD and autism, especially those who were late diagnosed.You’ll learn how avoidant attachment develops as a survival strategy rooted in independence, how masking and delayed emotional processing intensify the need for space, and why neurodivergent adults often experience a “being seen overload” after moments of vulnerability. We also explore how avoidant and anxious attachment styles can unintentionally lock people into a push-pull cycle that leaves both partners dysregulated and misunderstood.This conversation reframes avoidance not as coldness or detachment, but as a learned nervous-system response and offers practical language for naming the need for space without creating rupture. If you’ve ever been labeled “too distant,” “too rigid,” or felt the urge to disappear after emotional closeness, or love someone who feels this way, this episode will help you understand what’s really happening.Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!Book a Clarity Call with ReginaAbout Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhDRegina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support to late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks in educational leadership and tech fields that she needed when she got her late diagnosis.

Having an anxious attachment isn’t about being “needy” or insecure. It’s about what happens when a nervous system learns that connection isn’t always predictable or safe.For many late-diagnosed neurodivergent adults, that lesson was reinforced for decades without ever being named. In this episode of Divergent Paths, Dr. Regina McMenomy, Ph.D., unpacks anxious attachment as it shows up in late-diagnosed ADHD and autistic adults.She explores why anxious attachment isn’t a personality flaw, but a nervous system pattern shaped by inconsistency, masking, and years of subtle rejection. You’ll hear how ADHD pattern recognition, rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), perfectionism, and people-pleasing all feed the cycle and why masking makes anxious attachment feel so much more intense.Most importantly, this episode offers practical, neurodivergent-affirming tools to interrupt the spiral: pausing before panic-texting, grounding through the senses, naming what your nervous system is doing, and learning to ask for space without apologizing for having needs.If you’ve ever thought, “Are they mad at me… or am I spiraling again?” this conversation will help you make sense of why your brain goes there, and how to meet yourself with more safety, clarity, and self-trust.Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!Book a Clarity Call with ReginaAbout Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhDRegina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support to late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks in educational leadership and tech fields that she needed when she got her late diagnosis.

The holidays demand more—more socializing, more masking, more expectations, more emotional labor. And for neurodivergent people, that pressure often leads to a very specific kind of burnout that doesn’t magically disappear on January 1st.In this episode of Divergent Paths, Dr. Regina McMenomy, Ph.D. explores holiday burnout through a neurodivergent lens, unpacking why the season is so depleting and why traditional “rest over the break” or New Year’s resolution culture completely misses the point.Joined by Russ Catanach, Regina breaks down how extended holiday demands dysregulate the nervous system, why burnout is more than exhaustion, and how years of pushing through family obligations, end-of-year work pressure, and social expectations can culminate in shutdown—often right when we’re “supposed” to feel refreshed.This episode reframes post-holiday recovery as a capacity reset rather than a productivity failure. You’ll hear personal stories, reflections on long-term stress, and why intentional rest—especially after the holidays—is not lazy, indulgent, or avoidant, but necessary for nervous system repair.If you’re heading into the new year feeling depleted instead of motivated, this episode offers permission to opt out of resolutions and start listening to what your body actually needs.Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!Book a Clarity Call with ReginaAbout Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhDRegina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support to late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks in educational leadership and tech fields that she needed when she got her late diagnosis.

Do you replay conversations long after an event ends, analyzing what you said, what you should have said, and how everything might have been perceived? In this episode of Divergent Paths, Dr. Regina McMenomy, Ph.D. unpacks post-event rumination, a common experience for neurodivergent people, especially those with ADHD and autism.Together with co-host Russ Catanach, Regina explains why the brain gets stuck in these mental loops after social or professional interactions—and why rumination isn’t a personal failing, but a nervous-system response shaped by masking, rejection sensitivity, and unmet needs for safety and closure. You’ll learn how rumination differs from reflection, what actually fuels it, and why trying to “just stop thinking about it” rarely works.This conversation offers compassionate, practical strategies to help you interrupt rumination cycles, regulate your nervous system, and release the emotional hangover that often follows meetings, presentations, or social gatherings. If you’ve ever felt exhausted by your own thoughts after an event, this episode will help you understand what’s happening—and how to move forward with more ease.Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!Book a Clarity Call with ReginaAbout Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhDRegina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support to late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks in educational leadership and tech fields that she needed when she got her late diagnosis.

Neurodivergent folks are told constantly: “Just make it a habit.” But if that advice has ever activated your fight-or-flight response, you’re not alone. In this episode of Divergent Paths, Dr. Regina and Russ break down why traditional habit culture simply wasn’t built for neurodivergent brains and why it’s not your fault that the habit trackers, streaks, and “21-day rules” never stick.We dig into the real neuroscience behind dopamine inconsistency, interest-based nervous systems, and basal ganglia automation. The three core reasons ND folks struggle with building automatic routines. We also explore how demand avoidance and shame play into the habit-making process, and why forcing consistency often backfires.But it’s not all doomscrolling and lint-trap metaphors. You’ll hear practical strategies that do work for ND brains: environmental cues, personalized triggers, changing your space, anchoring tasks to daily events, and building systems that support your life instead of fighting it. Russ also shares how small environmental tweaks improved his productivity and how testing one change at a time can transform the whole system.If you’ve ever felt broken because you “can’t stick to habits,” this episode will help you release the shame, trust your brain, and build support systems that actually fit how your mind works. Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!Book a Clarity Call with ReginaAbout Dr. Regina McMenomy PhD,Regina is an educator, consultant, and founder of Divergent Paths Consulting. With over two decades of experience in higher education and instructional design, she now helps individuals create more inclusive, neurodivergent-affirming spaces. A late-diagnosed ADHDer herself, Regina blends academic insight, personal experience, and a healthy dose of nerdy joy to help others unmask, heal, and thrive.

Have you ever caught yourself saying, “I know I can do it… so why can’t I just make myself?” In this episode of Divergent Paths, Dr. Regina and co-host Russ unpack the crucial difference between what you’re capable of doing and what you actually have the capacity to do.From ADHD burnout to chronic overcommitment, we explore how late-diagnosed neurodivergent adults often confuse skill with bandwidth, pushing themselves past their limits because they’ve been praised for performance, not pacing.Learn how to recognize when your energy, executive function, or emotional regulation are running low, and discover strategies to stay within your true capacity without guilt or shame.Topics Include:The difference between capability and capacity (and why it matters)Why neurodivergent people often push past their limitsSigns you’re out of capacity (even when you’re still capable)How to set boundaries without shameTips for rebuilding capacity and honoring your bandwidthSign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!Book a Clarity Call with ReginaAbout Dr. Regina McMenomy PhD,Regina is an educator, consultant, and founder of Divergent Paths Consulting. With over two decades of experience in higher education and instructional design, she now helps individuals create more inclusive, neurodivergent-affirming spaces. A late-diagnosed ADHDer herself, Regina blends academic insight, personal experience, and a healthy dose of nerdy joy to help others unmask, heal, and thrive.