NeuroDiverse Christian Couples

In this episode of Just the Guys, the conversation explores a simple but powerful relational reality: misalignment is inevitable — mismanagement is optional. Whether in marriage, friendships, or team dynamics, people regularly share the same overall goal while differing on expectations, timing, methods, or emotional responses. The group discusses how alignment is less about agreeing on every detail and more about moving in the same general direction while learning to define, notice, and communicate through the inevitable “bumps along the road.” As they note, “You can’t manage something you can’t define,” and many conflicts arise not from disagreement itself but from misalignment going unnoticed, unspoken, unmanaged, or unresolved. The episode uses humor and memorable metaphors to drive the point home — especially the idea that avoiding tension only makes it heavier to carry later. “Give me the extra stinky bag… it still has to go out.” Addressing relational drift early, when emotional weather is calm, prevents compounded frustration and protects the connection. Ultimately, the discussion reframes relational maturity as the ability to remain connected even when not fully aligned, recognizing that shared purpose can coexist with different approaches. Managing misalignment well may matter more than achieving perfect alignment at all.

Today, Dr. Stephanie & Barb discuss the four principles of expectations (outlined in Emotionally Healthy Relationships by the Scazzeros) and apply them to Neurodiverse marriages.Are your expectations:UnconsciousUnrealisticUnspokenUnagreed Upon

Continuing our Theme this month, looking at how the Church ministers to (or doesn't minister to) the entire body of Christ.We have on the panel today representatives from Together We Care, SOAR and KeyMinistry/Disability and the Church.Do you know the difference in Diversity- Inclusion & Belonging? The importance of community!About our panelistsJilliam Palmiotto/Together We CareJillian Palmiotto is the Founder and Executive Director of Together We Care, a Georgia-based nonprofit that equips and empowers families impacted by disabilities through strategic planning, advocacy, and practical support. With over a decade of experience in special needs ministry, Jillian also serves as the Special Needs Inclusion Coordinator at West Ridge Church and as the Executive Director of the Together Conference. Her passion for building inclusive communities is fueled by her personal journey as a special education teacher and disability ministry leader. Jillian brings a wealth of knowledge, compassion, and real-world expertise to every conversation—helping families, churches, and organizations navigate complex systems with hope and clarity. Doc Hunsley/SOARStephen “Doc” Hunsley, M.D. is the Executive Director and founder of SOAR Special Needs in Lenexa, Kansas. SOAR (Special Opportunities, Abilities, and Relationships) serves over 1500 individuals with special needs through regular respite events and the nation’s largest Disability Day Camp. Doc is currently assisting over 725 churches locally, nationally, and globally in starting a Disability Ministry. Doc also organizes the Wonderfully Made Conference held annually every October in Kansas City. Doc is a USAF veteran and a retired disabled pediatrician while his wife, Kay, continues practicing pediatrics. They are proud parents to three beautiful children: Luke, Mark, and Sarah. The Hunsley’s middle child, Mark, is presently running the halls of heaven. During Mark’s five-year earthly stay, he gave his family the opportunity to learn from and love a child with autism. Dr. Steve Grcevich/Disability & the Church/Key MinistryDr. Steve Grcevich is a child and adolescent psychiatrist with 40 years of experience as a clinician, researcher, and professor who serves as President and Founder of Key Ministry. He plays a lead role in Key Ministry’s work to support churches in evangelism and outreach to the mental health community. He is the author of Mental Health and the Church (Zondervan), the first comprehensive model to guide churches in their mental health outreach and inclusion efforts. In his role with Key Ministry, he has been invited to speak or create resources for the American Association of Christian Counselors, the Christian Medical Dental Society, the Colson Center, the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention and the National Association of Evangelicals. He currently serves on Focus on the Family’s Physician Resource Council and is a widely requested speaker at national ministry conferences.

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This month, we are focusing on autism/neurodiversity faith issues and the church!Starting out the month with permission from a former guest, Josh Davis, we are airing his "What Autistics Want the Church to Know."Dan and I introduced this topic for March, sharing a story from our daughter from our book Embracing the Autism Spectrum, and part 2 of our personal stories will be on Patreon. NeuroDiverse Christian Couples: Autism Spectrum Resources for Marriage & Family

Welcome back to part 2 of the Gold Standard of Care!If you did not hear part one, go back to January 19th to hear the panel introductions and what we believe is the Gold standard of care! We talk through some myths and stereotypes and share some truths about autism/neurodiversity and marriage.Jeremy tackles: Should you force a neurodivergent partner to undergo assessment?Barbara: Neurodiversity is not the ONLY issue in your marriage.Jenilee: Autism can express itself differently in girls/womenRobin: Emotional Regulation is part of Executive Function and is not a character issueShawna: It is a fallacy that ND people should be encouraged to watch porn to learn how to have sex or whattheir spouses would like in their intimate lifeDan: While you may never achieve the level of empath as an ND/AS husband, you can become more relationalStephanie: What is the cause of autism? How to read research critically.The study Dr. Stephanie mentions that holds a high standard of research credibility: Association of Genetic and Environmental Factors With Autism in a 5-Country Cohort (2019)FULL study available: journals/jamapsychiatry/fullarticle/2737582

Today, in the month of love, we talk about sacrificial love in your neurodiverse marriage. Many view this month of love and Valentine's Day as a day for big romantic gestures, but what about living out love every day? How is your love beneficial and sacrificial without giving up yourself? Dying to yourself does mean abandonment of self, but often there are competing needs and wants in an ND marriage.Part 2 will be on Patreon, and we will share more of what is going on in our personal lives, how, and what this means for us right now!Are you able to join hands or lock arms in hard times? Are you walking through life as friends, lovers, enemies, or strangers?

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It's 2026, and Dan and Stephanie start our podcast series this year on Atomic Habits. The month of January is all about NEW! Remember, Patreon is new! Part 2 of the discussion is on Patreon.In Atomic Habits, James Clear reminds us that real change doesn’t come from dramatic overhauls but from small, consistent actions that add up over time. For neurodiverse marriages, this principle is especially powerful. Many couples feel stuck because change seems overwhelming or unpredictable. But Clear’s 1% rule—tiny improvements repeated daily—offers a realistic, hopeful path forward for both partners.Clear also emphasizes identity formation, teaching that habits don’t just shape what we do; they shape who we believe we are. “Every action is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.” This aligns beautifully with the work Dan and Stephanie bring in from Dr. Jim Wilder, who teaches that identity is formed through relational attachment, joy, and repeated experiences of being our best self with others. When neurodiverse couples practice small relational habits—brief check-ins, shared cues, predictable routines—they aren’t only improving communication; they're also building trust. They are reinforcing a shared identity as a couple who grow, learns, and repair together.Starting small is essential for neurodiverse relationships. A five-minute conversation, one shared calendar habit, a single expression of appreciation, or one consistent environmental cue (like a reminder note or visual schedule) can be far more effective than trying to overhaul everything at once. Slow, steady repetition makes habits dependable, which builds trust and safety—core needs for both neurodiverse and neurotypical partners.The message is simple and deeply encouraging: meaningful change in a neurodiverse marriage doesn’t require perfection or intensity. It requires small, steady steps and a shared commitment to becoming the couple God is forming you to be—one daily habit at a time.

Today, Dr. Holmes talks with neurodivergent psychiatrist, Dr. Stacy Greeter.Topics discussed:Dr. Greeter's diagnosis journey at the age of 40 as a practicing psychiatrist.Growing understanding of AutismMyths about AutismDifferent presentations of girls/women in AutismGender Fluidity & AutismMedications and How to be a psychiatric patient and advocate for yourself as an autistic patient About our Guest:Dr. Stacy Greeter is board-certified in both child/adolescent and adult psychiatry. She collaborates with children, adults, and their families to design a comprehensive individualized treatment plan. Dr. Greeter graduated summa cum laude from Duke University, where she was inducted into the Phi Beta Kappa Honor Society and received her Doctor of Medicine degree from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill under the Morehead Medical Scholarship. During her undergraduate and medical training, Dr. Greeter conducted extensive clinical research funded by the Howard Hughes Medical Institute on autism and on OCD. She completed both her adult studies and her child and adolescent subspecialty training at Northwestern University in Chicago, where she trained with nationally and internationally renowned psychiatrists. She is also certified in Internal Family Systems Therapy. More info: https://www.stacygreetermd.com/about-us Disclaimer:When we have guests on the ASR podcast, they are recognized for their expertise in autism as advocates, self-advocates, clinicians, parents, or other professionals in the field. They may or may not be part of the faith community; having a guest on the broader topic of autism does not reflect complete agreement with the guest, just as many guests may disagree with our faith perspective. Guests are chosen by topic for the selected podcast discussion and are not necessarily in complete agreement with all the beliefs of the selected guest(s).

About:Today, Dan and Stephanie interview Jon Seidl, author of Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic. Neurodivergent men are 9 times more likely than their non-neurodivergent peers to develop an alcohol or substance use/abuse problem. The later in life diagnosed neurodivergent man (with ADHD or ASD) with a co-occurring issue of anxiety and or depression is the most vulnerable to alcohol or substance use, and the risk is higher for those who have suffered untreated childhood trauma. Hear our heart- this is not about shaming or blaming, this is about your healing and being set free! Jon talks about getting to the root of the problem: "Drinking is not the problem to solve- the unresolved issue that leads you to drinking is the problem to solve." As Leslie Vernick has said, "Drinking is not a marriage work issue. It is an individual issue that causes marriage problems."Dan and Stephanie feel passionately that marriage work should not be the focus of a couple if there is an active alcohol or substance issue.For the last 15 years, Jonathon M. Seidl (Jon) has been telling stories. In fact, he’s written over 10,000 posts in his lifetime, first after helping start the top-50 news site TheBlaze in 2010, then as the editor-in-chief of the popular non-profit I Am Second. He writes, speaks, and consults on the power of storytelling, radical vulnerability, faith, mental health, and addiction.In 2024, he revealed his own struggle with alcohol, explaining how he was the Christian who became an alcoholic, not the other way around. His personal story—from spiraling into addiction to how he climbed out of it— is the focus of his next book, “Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic,” slated for release on October 7, 2025.His previous book on anxiety, “Finding Rest,” instantly became a #1 Amazon bestseller, topping the charts in several categories like anxieties and phobias, mood disorders, and obsessive compulsive disorder. In fact, it shot up to become the #17 new release on all of Amazon and became a top 100 bestseller on all of Amazon as well.Jon has seen how the power of storytelling and radical vulnerability can transform people, businesses, and culture, especially after sharing his own story of battling anxiety, OCD, and alcoholism. His passion is to help people with mental health struggles and addictions, while also sharing what he’s learned, telling stories for—and working with—some of the media’s biggest names and organizations, including Arthur Brooks, Glenn Beck, Kirk Cameron, and Chip and Joanna Gaines.In addition to his writing, he consults businesses, leaders, and non-profits on how to tell their stories through his digital media and content creation firm, The Veritas Network, and runs a daily devotional called The Veritas Daily. He’s also currently finishing his master's in theological studies from Southwestern Seminary (SWBTS) and will graduate in December 2025.Originally from Wisconsin, he lives in Frisco, TX, with his wife, Brett, and his young children, Annie and Jack.

As we enter the Advent season, we pause to remember the beautiful rhythms God gives us through the four candles of Advent—Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love—all pointing us toward the final candle: the Light of Christ. In the weeks leading up to Christmas, we are invited to not only celebrate these truths but to practice them in our daily life, our relationships, and our marriages.In this podcast, Dan and Stephanie will guide you through how each Advent theme can become a spiritual anchor for your heart and your neurodiverse marriage. Christmas50Use this code on special courses selected for 50% off!https://www.christianneurodiversemarriage.com/coursesCourses included:Struggling to ConnectAutism & NeurobiologyAutism Female PhenotypeMarriage & Family 22 sessions