Not Quite Typical: An AuDHD Podcast

Ghosting, breadcrumbing, endless swipes and situtaionships - modern dating is hard, but how about when you add in processing differences, monotropism, dopamine starved brains and Rejection Sensitivy Dysphoria?In this episode I talk about how dating when neurodivergent poses challenges and difficulties and how neurodivergent people can date comfortably and safely to work with their brains.00:00 Introduction: The Challenges of Modern Dating00:12 Personal Journey: Undiagnosed Neurodivergence in Dating00:22 The Modern Dating Landscape: Choice, Commitment, and Communication00:30 Dating Apps: Business Models and the Paradox of Choice00:46 Communication Breakdown: Texting and Neurodivergent Experiences00:58 My Dating App Addiction: A Personal Account01:06 Neurobiology of Neurodivergent Dating: Dopamine, Monotropism, RSD01:10 Dopamine and Dating Apps: The Addiction Cycle01:40 Monotropism: Intense Focus and Limerence in Dating02:04 Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD): Perceived Rejection and Ghosting02:20 The Trust Problem: Questioning Instincts and Red Flags02:36 Finding Hope: Dating Post-Diagnosis02:40 Intentional App Use vs. Compulsivity02:57 Alternative Dating Apps03:02 Understanding Your Patterns: RSD, Limerence, and Monotropism03:10 Communicating Needs: Directness and Certainty03:20 Community: Meeting People Through Shared Interests'03:30 Re-framing the Timeline: Self-Compassion and Moving Forward03:45 Conclusion: Understanding Yourself is KeyFind Not Quite TypicalInsta: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/notquite_typical/⁠ Substack: ⁠ambernapthine.substack.com⁠TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@notquite_typical?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pcA NoteNot Quite Typical: An AuDHD Podcast is an unoffical guide for anyone who is discovering life with a late diagnosis or realisation, I’m not a doctor, therapist, or researcher. Everything I share comes from my own lived experience as a late-discovered autistic and ADHD woman. If anything in this episode resonates and you want to explore further, please do and be gentle with yourself while you do it.

Episode SummaryIn this episode I'm talking about masking and the way autistic and ADHD people learn to suppress, hide, and adapt their natural behaviours to fit in. Drawing on my own experience as a late-discovered AuDHD woman, I trace where my mask came from, how it showed up across every area of my life, and what the slow, complicated process of unmasking has looked like for me.Chapters0:02 — Introduction and the Not Quite Typical rebrand0:27 — Rebranding and setting up new platforms0:47 — What this podcast is for1:24 — The question at the heart of this episode: are you really being yourself?2:09 — What masking and unmasking actually mean3:04 — How masking behaviours show up day to day4:11 — Masking differently in different environments5:32 — Why masking is a survival strategy, not a choice6:15 — What the research says about masking and late diagnosis7:08 — Masking in the workplace and its long-term effects8:32 — My personal masking story begins10:40 — School, childhood, and where the mask first went on13:22 — The moment at eight years old that changed everything14:57 — A decade of observing and learning how to 'be normal'16:15 — Masking in work: scripting emails, hypervigilance, never leaving the desk17:28 — Starting to unmask — and how the cracks appear18:16 — Why unmasking is harder than it sounds20:02 — What happens when the mask comes off suddenly21:25 — Masking (and not masking) while working from home22:04 — 'I have workplace anxiety' and what that actually was23:42 — Finding spaces where the mask could come off24:46 — Unmasking on production sets25:38 — Acting courses and unmasking26:32 — Unmasking with the right people28:32 — Career choices shaped by what feels safe30:03 — Practical advice on unmasking gradually and safely32:14 — Finding safe zones and communities33:31 — Having conversations about unmasking in relationships and at work36:16 — Closing reflection: nothing needs to be fixedResearch & SourcesVan der Putten et al. (2023) — AuDHD individuals mask more than either autistic or ADHD people aloneCraddock, E. (2024) — AuDHD women who masked were diagnosed significantly later than those who didn'tPearson & Rose (2021) — masking linked to anxiety, depression, and identity erosionCook et al. (2023) — long-term effects of masking on mental healthPryke-Hobbes et al. (2023, PLOS ONE) — workplace masking as necessity for autistic adultsNational Autistic Society: autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/behaviour/maskingFind Not Quite TypicalInstagram: @not_quitetypicalSubstack: Not Quite TypicalA NoteI'm not a doctor, therapist, or researcher. Everything I share comes from my own lived experience as a late-discovered autistic and ADHD woman. If anything in this episode resonates and you want to explore further, please do and be gentle with yourself while you do it. To hear more, visit ambernapthine.substack.com

I want YOUR input!What guests would you like me to chat to and what topics would you like me to cover? To hear more, visit ambernapthine.substack.com

This episode is all about idenity as a late diagnosed neurodivergent person, how a diagnosis can redefine decades of discovery and finding our place in the world. To hear more, visit ambernapthine.substack.com

To hear more, visit ambernapthine.substack.com