ON BOYS Podcast

Talking with boys — especially tween & teenage boys — can be tricky.Shrugs, grunts, and silence often stand in the way of the conversations parents want to have. Add in timing issues, big emotions, and the pull of devices, and it’s easy to feel like communication is impossible.Photo by Kindel Media via PexelsBut it’s not. Boys want connection — even if they don’t show it. With the right approach, parents can create moments where boys are more likely to listen and share. Paying attention to timing (before bed may be better than after school), providing snacks, and watching for signs of openness can help you find the best opportunities.It also helps to balance the “transactional” talk — reminders about chores, schoolwork, or sports gear — with “relational” conversations that build trust. And when boys withdraw or respond with irritation, remember that there’s often sadness, worry, or shame behind the mask. Responding with patience, and repairing after conflict, models the lifelong communication skills our kids need most.Takeaways:Timing matters — choose moments when he’s most receptiveSnacks can open the door to conversationBalance management talk with genuine connectionDon’t take grunts or shutdowns personally — look for what’s behind themRepair after conflict builds stronger bonds and teaches lifelong skillsLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Talk With Boys Like a Pro (About Anything & Everything!) – Register here Talking to Tween & Teen Boys — ON BOYS episodeRosalind Wiseman on How to Talk with Boys — ON BOYS episodeTalk to Boys– A Conversation with Christopher Pepper & Joanna Schroeder – Building Boys Substack LiveAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

You can’t effectively boost boys’ motivation until you address YOUR anxiety and fear. We know: You want your son to do his homework. To follow through on commitments. To care.So, when he shrugs, resists, or just doesn’t seem to try, your anxiety spikes — and before you even know what’s happening, you’re caught in a spiral of worry about his future.In this episode of ON BOYS, we talk about one of the most overlooked (but most powerful!) factors in boosting boys’ motivation: your mindset.This episode is the second in our special three-part series on Boys & Motivation. (Find part one here.) We’re diving into the pressure parents feel, the unspoken fear that drives us, and how those feelings affect the way we interact with our sons. Plus, we share why community is key and how coming together with other parents can help you show up more effectively for your boy.Photo by Kindel Media via PexelsTakeaways:Parents’ fear & anxiety can get in the way of helping boys develop motivationBoys change constantly — avoid future-tripping!There are concrete, supportive ways parents can help build a motivating environmentReleasing the pressure (internal and external) makes space for progressWant more support? Join us for Boost Boys’ Motivation: How to Ignite His Spark (Without Nagging or Yelling) — a 3-session live series starting May 6, 2025.Use code ONBOYS to save $50 → boysalive.com/boostLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Overcoming Fears & Worries to Say YES — ON BOYS episodeParent from Love, Not Fear (w Bryan Post) — ON BOYS episodeAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The first episode of ON BOYS podcast went live March 12, 2018. Seven years ago!Over the past seven years, we’ve talked to guests from around the globe: Maggie Dent, Michael Gurian, Amy Lang, ADHD Dude Ryan Wexelblatt, Steve Biddulph, Richard V. Reeves, Ruth Whippman, and so, so many others.We’re talked about puberty, porn, school, ADHD, autism, entrepreneurism, motivation, sports, suicide, consent, respect, dating, and – again — so, so much more.Jen’s boys grew up in that time. Her youngest is now 19; her oldest, 27. Janet became an Oma (a grandma) — and is looking forward to welcoming two more grandchildren this year! Boys’ & men’s issues are now part of national and international conversations, and we hope those conversations fuel continued change. Boys need and deserve our love and support too.This will be the last Jen-and-Janet episode of ON BOYS podcast. We’ve loved sharing our lives & learning with you, and we thank you for trusting us with your questions and stories.Remember: We’ve got seven years of content in our archives! When a new boy-raising concern comes up, run a search in our archives. Odds are good that you’ll find something to help you through. Jen will also continue her Substack newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin, so you can connect with her there. Janet will also continue family coaching — and soon, Jen & Janet will offer another session of their popular class, Boost Boys’ Motivation. (Want to be sure you get the info as soon as it’s available? Sign up for Building Boys Bulletin.)Building Boys: Raising Great Guys in a World That Misunderstands MalesGet Jen’s book here Breakthrough Session for Family CoachingSchedule your no-cost call with Janet at https://boysalive.com/call Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How do you respond to a 6-year-old boy who thinks he has to “play rough” to prove his masculinity?How can you make space a small boy’s emotions when you also have other kids to keep on track?And what do you do, exactly, when your formerly potty-trained son starts having accidents at school?These are some of the questions Jen & Janet tackle in this Listener Q & A.Takeaways:Boys often face developmental expectations that don’t align with their actual growth.Rough play can be a way for boys to express themselves, but it needs guidance.School stress and anxiety can manifest in physical symptoms Potty training regressions are common and should be approached with patience.Creative approaches can help redirect a child’s focus during emotional outbursts.Parents should not feel guilty about using screen time as a tool.Seeking support from parenting coaches can provide valuable insights.Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:The Art of Roughhousing (w Dr. Lawrence Cohen) — ON BOYS episodeTeacher Tom Talks About Boys, Emotion, & Play — ON BOYS episodeDo Schools Create “Problem Boys?” — ON BOYS episodeMyths & Misconceptions About Boys — ON BOYS episodeBuilding Boys: Raising Great Guys in a World That Misunderstands MalesGet Jen’s 2nd book here Breakthrough Session for Family CoachingSchedule your no-cost call with Janet at https://boysalive.com/callAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How do we help boys along the path to manhood? That’s a question Paul Cumbo, a veteran educator, has been asking for a long time. It’s one he’s well-positioned to answer too, given that he’s spent the past few decades of his life teaching, educating, and coaching teenage boys and young men. His latest book, A Path to Manhood, offers encouragement and advice to young men.The available evidence suggests that our boys and young men need support and guidance. Too many have withdrawn from modern life, choosing to spend most of their time online. Too many feel unwanted, useless, and accused. Paul reminds boys and men that they matter. As he writes in the in the first chapter of his book, he doesn’t “buy the cultural narrative that men are simple.” He encourages young men to chart their own path through life, and shares how listeners can help boys on their journey.Takeaways:Each person’s path to manhood is unique and must be navigated individually.Paralysis by analysis is a common issue among today’s youth.Boys crave to be needed and to contribute meaningfully.Long-term vision is essential for effective planning.Backtracking is a natural part of the journey.Transformative travel can provide profound experiences.Joy is deeper and more meaningful than mere happiness.Young men seek challenges and opportunities for growth.Experiences of genuine joy are crucial for well-being.Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:A Path to Manhood: Encouragement and Advice for Young Men, by Paul Cumbopaulcumbo.compaulcumbo.substack.com/ — Paul’s Substack newsletterCamino Institute – info re the Young Men’s International Seminar (Note: there are still some spaces left for the 3rd Annual Young Men’s International Seminar, which runs June 14-21, 2025)Wilderness Therapy with Paul Cumbo — ON BOYS podcast episodeAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Imperfect men helped Greg Hlavaty become a good guy. “I think what saved me were men who stepped in as surrogate fathers,” Greg wrote in a recent essay. Those men weren’t exactly role models: One, Greg says, “was openly racist and bragged about having lobbed bricks from overpasses in his youth.” The other was “a middle-aged alcoholic…who regularly taught class drunk.” But both “really listened” to Greg, encouraged him, and were “genuinely proud” of his accomplishments. They connected with Great — and that, as they say, made all the difference.Make Room for Less-Than-Perfect MenLimiting boys’ contact with less-than-ideal role models might be harming our boys — and our men. In this conversation, Greg & Jen explore the surprising ways flawed, imperfect men can shape boys into compassionate, confident adults, as well as how we can encourage supportive connections between boys & men.Takeaways:Surrogate father figures can have a profound impact on young men’s lives.Red flags in behavior should be assessed with context, not stigma.Accountability from mentors can guide young men towards better choices.Community involvement is essential in raising boys to be good men.Engaging in a child’s interests can strengthen bonds.Many men feel unqualified to mentor young people.Our culture often discourages intergenerational connections.Being present in a young person’s life can have a significant impact.Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Stop Ignoring the Mental Health of Young Men — Greg’s essayIn Praise of Imperfect Men — Building Boys Bulletin post by JenWhat About Less-Than-Ideal Role Models? — Building Boys post by JenSponsor Spotlight: Hello FreshGet 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What happens when we prioritize independence over connection? According to Dr. Niobe Way, a developmental psychologist and author of Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, & Our Future, it creates a “boy culture” that isolates boys and diminishes their relational skills.Dr. Way has spent 40 years studying boys and uncovering the challenges they face as they navigate societal expectations of strength, autonomy, and self-reliance. Her research shows that these cultural messages undermine boys’ natural relational intelligence and hinder their ability to build and sustain deep friendships.In this episode, Dr. Way dives into the critical role of relationships in mental health and human flourishing—not just for boys, but for all of us. She explains how cultural norms, rather than biology, shape male behavior and outlines practical steps parents and educators can take to nurture boys’ emotional and relational capacities.Dr. Way also shares powerful insights from her research, including the wisdom of a 7th-grade boy who noted, “When we make things biology, we think we can’t change it.” This episode is a call to rethink how we support boys—and ourselves—in building the connections we all need to thrive.Takeaways:The stereotype of the self-sufficient man is damaging not only to boys but to society as a whole.Boys are born with the same relational intelligence as girls, but cultural conditioning suppresses it over time.To support boys, we need to normalize conversations about relationships and model emotional vulnerability.Fostering deep connections can improve mental health and combat harmful cultural narratives about masculinity.Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:www.niobe-way.comRebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, & Our Future, by Dr. Niobe WayDeep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships & The Crisis of Connection, by Dr. Niobe WayTogether: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, by (U.S. Surgeon General) Vivek MurthyPink Brain, Blue Brain: How Small Differences Grow Into Troublesome Gaps – and What We Can Do About It, by Dr. Lise EliotWhen Boys Become Boys: Development, Relationships, and Masculinity, by Judy ChuThe Listening ProjectDr. Friendtastic on Boys & Friendship — ON BOYS episodeWhy Now is the Best Time to Raise Boys (w Michael Reichert) — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Hello FreshGet 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Modern male puberty starts sooner than you think. Boys today may enter puberty as early as age nine. That’s why your 10-year-old’s mood swings might actually be linked to these new hormonal shifts. As Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett point out in their book, This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained, the first sign of puberty often comes with a slamming door.Why Parents Miss the First SignsMany parents aren’t ready for male puberty. Early physical changes can be subtle, and they usually appear just as boys begin seeking more privacy. According to Vanessa, it’s entirely possible you won’t notice the initial stages of puberty until your son’s behavior shifts dramatically.When Your 10-Year-Old Acts More Like a TeenPuberty hormones—mainly testosterone—don’t just change bodies; they shape moods, too. Sudden spikes are associated with outbursts and that well-known “swing to silence” so many adolescent boys display. Pediatrician Cara Natterson explains these hormone surges can escalate and crash within hours, and that emotional roller coaster is often what you see when your son acts like “a jerk.”They Dislike the Swings, TooKids don’t enjoy these wild ups and downs any more than you do. Their brains are awash in hormones they don’t yet know how to handle, causing confusion and moodiness. In addition, boys’ emotional regulation skills aren’t fully developed, which is why parents, teachers, and other adults need to show empathy while holding them accountable.Offer Room to Recover“We have to give boys the benefit of the doubt,” Vanessa advises, emphasizing that many feel ashamed after a blow-up. By giving them space to cool off, then reconnecting later, you let them know there’s a path to re-enter the conversation without judgment.Weathering the Adolescent StormIt’s normal to feel grief, fear, and frustration as your son navigates puberty. Boys often distance themselves from parents during this time, which can feel like rejection. Don’t forget they usually “come back” after they’ve crossed the threshold into more mature adolescence.A Messy Yet Meaningful JourneyYes, your son might seem smelly, messy, or downright disrespectful right now—none of which means he’ll stay that way, or that you’ve parented poorly. As Vanessa says, guiding boys toward kindness, empathy, and thoughtfulness is a winding road filled with bumps.Respond, Don’t ReactWhen tempers flare, remain calm. Give your son the space he needs, and circle back once he’s cooled down. Teach him about emotions in those quieter moments and seek additional help if needed. By walking alongside him, you’ll both be better prepared to handle the challenges—and rewards—of growing up.Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:This is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained, by Cara Natterson, MD & Vanessa Kroll Bennettlessawkward.com — Cara & Vanessa’s website (includes links to their books, newsletter, podcast, & talks)The Puberty Podcast — Cara & Vanessa’s podcast (Don’t miss Jen on their podcast — Building Boys with Jennifer Fink)Decoding Boys w Dr. Cara Natterson –– ON BOYS episodeThe Truth About Parenting Teen Boys — the famous BuildingBoys post about 14-yr-old boys being a**holesPuberty, Perimenopause, & Midlife Parenting — ON BOYS episodeGuy Stuff: The Body Book for Boys, by Cara NattersonGuy Stuff Feelings: Everything You Need to Know About Your Emotions, by Cara NattersonSponsor Spotlight: IXLThe world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Check out IXL and use code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Sponsor Spotlight: Hello FreshGet 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Gaming is a BIG part of boys’ lives today!So, it’s no surprise that our March 14 conversation with Dr. K, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer, is our Listener Fav of 2024.Dr. K (full name: Alok Kanojia) is a psychiatrist, dad, and life-long gamer. He knows video games and know what works. He also has deep compassion for gamers & their families. If you haven’t yet read his book, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids, we highly recommend it!Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids, by Alok Kanojia (aka Dr. K)www.healthygamer.gg — Dr. K’s websiteWhy are Video Games So Important to Boys? — ON BOYS episodeThe Evolution of Esports — ON BOYS episodeVideo Game Addiction — ON BOYS episodeEmily Edlynn on a Healthier Approach to Tech — ON BOYS episodeThe Link Between Freedom & Video Games — BuildingBoys blog postWhy Boys Play Video Games – BuildingBoys blog postSponsor Spotlight: IXLThe world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Sponsor Spotlight: Hello FreshGet 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: Boys Are GreatBoy-affirming merch!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

We gotta talk about male suicide and mental health.If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, you can call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for help in the United States. Call 988 or 800-273-TALK (8255). The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is open 24 hours a day, every day. Services are also available en espanol.More than 39,000 boys and young men die of suicide in the United States each year. The male suicide rate is 4 times that of females’ – and that fact isn’t widely known. Although there’s been a lot of discussion of the youth mental health crisis and suicidal ideation in recent years, few people are talking about the fact that most of those who die of suicide are boys and young men.Anthony Tricarico was one of them. He was a “beautiful shooting star,” a young entrepreneur who loved snowboarding and bought a Camaro at age 16. Anthony died by suicide earlier this year, at age 16 1/2. From the outside looking in, Anthony had it all: a loving family, lots of friends, great grades, talent, and personality. His death was a shock to the community, as people realized, “If this could happen to Anthony, it could happen to any of us,” said his father, Neal Tricarico. Takeaways:Autistic people/those on the autism spectrum are at increased risk of suicideCOVID-19 has had a profound impact on youth mental health.There is often a disconnect between autism support and mental health services.Support systems for families in crisis are often lacking.Seasonal changes can significantly affect mental health.Parental control is limited; love does not guarantee safety.Community support can provide immense comfort during grief.The importance of love and connection transcends loss.Achievements do not equate to fulfillment in children.Open conversations about mental health are essential.Creating a movement can honor lost loved ones and raise awareness.Grief can lead to profound spiritual growth and connection.Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:AnneMoss Rogers on Suicide Prevention & Struggling Teens — ON BOYS episodeLoving Someone With Suicidal Thoughts — ON BOYS episodeWhat You Need to Know About Boys & Suicide — ON BOYS episodeNAMI — National Alliance on Mental Illness (has support groups for parents!)Suicide & Autism — a report from the UKNeal's contact info:Email: neal@endurantmovement.comInstagram: @nealtricaricoFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/neal.tricarico/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nealtricarico/Sponsor Spotlight: IXLThe world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Sponsor Spotlight: Hello FreshGet 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: Boys Are GreatBoy-affirming merch!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How can we support our boys’ well-being during a youth mental health crisis? How can we help them navigate life in this digital age?Katey McPherson has been working on these issues for years. Since we last talked in 2019, she and others have helped the state of Arizona pass a bundle of laws intended to decrease youth suicide. She’s also helped countless schools, communities, and families learn how they can support youth mental health in the current digital age.In this episode, Janet & Katey discuss:How to keep kids safe (safer?) when using school-issued computers & other digital devicesTargeting of kids on social media and online gaming platformsKids’ online relationshipsTech tools to help you monitor your kids’ online activitiesSchool shootings (and how we can prevent them)Talking to kids about suicidal thoughtsIncreasing the likelihood that your child will talk to you about tough thingsSupporting youth mental healthTakeaways:We are facing significant challenges affecting our youth’s mental health.Legislative changes can lead to improved suicide prevention resources.Parents must understand the limitations of school-issued devices at home.Social media can exacerbate feelings of exclusion and anxiety in youth.Community support is crucial in preventing school violence.Suicidal ideation often precedes violent actions in youth.Open communication about mental health is essential for parents.AI is becoming a critical tool in monitoring student safety.It’s never too late to implement changes in parenting strategies.Youth need coping strategies to deal with emotional pain.Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:The Hope InstituteWhat You Need to Know About Boys & Suicide (w Katey McPherson) — ON BOYS episodeRed Flags, Safety Nets, & School Shootings — BuildingBoys postKatey's website is currently under construction. If you'd like to reach her, you can email her at Katey.mcpherson@bark.usSponsor Spotlight: Hello FreshGet 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: IXLThe world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAYAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Puberty, perimenopause, and neurodivergence affects brains and bodies.And in two or more of those things are going on in our household at the same time…well, things can get particularly challenging, says Amy Lang, founder of Birds & Bees & Kids.Amy & Janet discuss it all in this ON BOYS episodeLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:The 3 Key Things Your Neurodivergent Boy Needs to Know about Sex (and 3 Things You Need to Know) Peri-menopause & Puberty: The Match Made in Heck – Get tickets hereTue Nov 19, 2024 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM PSTBirds & Bees & Kids — Amy’s websiteResources recommended by Amy:You Know, Sex: Bodies, Gender, Puberty, And Other ThingsSex Talks With Tweens: What To Say & How To Say ItAmaze.org/usBARK (inside US)Qustodio (monitoring outside US)Sex Ed for Neurodiverse Kids – ON BOYS episode w Amy LangKeeping Boys Safe Online (w Amy Lang) — ON BOYS episodeTalk to Boys About Sex (w Amy Lang) — ON BOYS episodePuberty, Perimenopause, & Midlife Parenting — ON BOYS episodeBreakthrough Session for Family CoachingSchedule your no-cost call with Janet at https://boysalive.com/callSponsor Spotlight: Hello FreshGet 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: IXLThe world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAYAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Boys need support, not disdainIn June 2024, Andrew Reiner, author of Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity That Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency, published an article entitled “Our culture’s trashing of boys & men is having toxic consequences.”In this episode, he and Jen discuss what boys need & we can best support boys.Takeaways:Boys need support, not disdain.Cultural perceptions of masculinity can be harmful.Media often portrays boys negatively.Boys are falling behind in education.It’s important to understand boys’ emotional needs.Parents and educators play a crucial role.Challenging traditional masculinity is necessary.Creating safe spaces for boys is essential.Engaging boys in education requires new approaches.Researching boys’ experiences is vital for change.Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:andrewreinerauthor.com –– Andrew’s websiteAndrew Reiner: Building Boys’ Mental Health & Resiliency — ON BOYS episodeBetter Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity that Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency, by Andrew ReinerThe Trouble with Boys Isn’t Boys — article by AndrewYoung, Male, & Adrift — article by AndrewBoys are Great shop — boy-affirming merch!Sponsor Spotlight: Hello FreshGet 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: IXLThe world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAYSponsor Spotlight: AvoilaUse code ONBOYS to save 10% when you shop Avoila Nourishing Face Oil Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy