Open Adoption Project

In this conversation, Shaun sits down with adoptee and author Jay Barbanel to explore the complexities of identity, belonging, and healing through adoption.Jay shares his unique story—from being adopted out of Costa Rica with his brother, to the traumatic separation that followed, to his later-life journey of rediscovering his roots. Through therapy, self-reflection, and a courageous search for answers, Jay reconnects with his biological family and ultimately redefines what “home” means.This episode offers a nuanced look at adoption as both beautiful and painful, and encourages listeners to embrace the full spectrum of the adoptee experience.Key Themes & TakeawaysAdoption is both beautiful and painful It doesn’t have to be one or the other—both can exist together in a healthy, meaningful way.Identity is always evolving Jay describes identity as a “revolving door”—something that changes as we choose what to hold onto.The importance of owning your story Every adoptee has a right to their full story—even the hard parts.Reunion is powerful, but emotionally complex Jay’s search for his biological family was life-changing, but also overwhelming and deeply intense.Healing requires openness and support Having safe people (friends, family, therapists) is essential when processing adoption experiences.Home is not always a place Home can be people, relationships, or even the understanding you develop of yourself.About Our GuestJay Barbanel is an adoptee, speaker, and author of Finding Tico, a memoir that explores his journey of identity, trauma, and reunion.Born in Costa Rica and adopted at age 3, Jay spent much of his life believing his adoption story was closed—until adulthood, when unexpected discoveries led him on a powerful search for his roots and reconnection with biological family.He now shares his story to help others navigate identity, belonging, and personal healing.ResourcesFinding Tico by Jay BarbanelFindingTico.com

An adoptee shares her personal journey of adoption and the impact of the book, "The Girls Who Went Away," by Ann Fessler, also an adoptee, in this special NAM book club episode. "The Girls Who Went Away" is a memoir/biography about mothers who relinquished their children for adoption before Roe v. Wade on her perspective towards his birth mother, leading him to search for her. The adoptee discussion leader in this episode discussed the evolution of adoption practices, the challenges faced by birth mothers in the past, and the importance of open adoption and transparency.

Dr. Jeff Thompson discusses how we can establish and maintain psychological safety within relationships. He shares how active listening can enhance connections. We also discuss how to address conflict and find resolutions. This episode offers incredibly valuable insights for anyone looking to improve important relationships, both within the adoption community and beyond.

In this episode, Shaun and Lanette discuss the Family Communication Pattern Theory, by McLeod and Chaffee, and its adoption application. focusing on conformity and conversation orientation, and how these patterns can impact families, particularly in the context of adoption. They analyzed various family dynamics portrayed in movies and TV shows, identifying different communication patterns and their implications. Family Communication Patterns help us understand how childhood family structure impacts adulthood. The model suggests that families fall into four patterns, which vary in degrees of conformity and conversation. The importance of balance in family communication patterns and the need for open dialogue, and the potential influence of parenting styles on children is discussed.

Amy Seek shares her experiences with adoption as a birth mom, and how her relationship with her son has evolved. She shares about the importance of transparency and honesty in open adoption conversations and the need for improved ethical practices as we strive to better support mothers and their children.Amy’s book “God and Jetfire: Confessions of a Birthmother”Other Resources:Concerned United BirthparentsSaving our SistersNAAP First Families support groupDonor Conceived Best Practices and ConnectionsRight to KnowUntangling Our Roots, an annual summit of adoptees and DCP providing education around best practices for the affected peopleOpen Adoption: Not so Simple MathYou can reach Amy at amyseek@concernedunitedbirthparents.org

In this episode, we learn about the experience of foster care alumni Cadon Riley, including his experience being adopted and later returning to the foster care system. Cadon and Shaun discuss some of the challenges Cadon has experienced, and his hopes for how our community can improve experiences for other youth in care and in need of support. Cadon Riley is a Foster Care & Child Welfare Advocate. Cadon was adopted at birth into a transracial family. At the age of 15 Cadon was placed back into the foster care system, aging out at 18. Cadon made it his goal to become an advocate to help others from similar backgrounds. Cadon is currently pursuing a bachelor's degree in Psychology from Utah Tech University, intending to obtain his Ph.D. in Clinical Neuropsychology. Cadon’s continuous advocacy has landed him the opportunity to speak on Capitol Hill and become a Congressional Leadership Academy Delegate with the National Foster Youth Institute. Cadon’s extensive involvement in local and national advocacy aims to improve and inform the child welfare system through the power of lived experience.